“What am I doing here?”
Those were the words Trixie muttered aloud as she hid herself in the space between two buildings. A good portion of the day had passed, it was evening now, and the shadows cast by the coming of dusk concealed her nicely in the alleyway she was in.
What was she hiding from, though? Trixie knew the answer, but it was a silly one. She was hiding from a building across the street. The one that would hold the meeting she had been invited to by the pink mare she had met only that day. A gathering of mares that, like herself, were having a difficult time acclimating to life after enslavement.
The next question one might ask after knowing the ‘what’ would be the ‘why’. The building didn’t seem threatening, the mare that suggested she come was not hostile, and the group only gave promises of help. To an outsider, there was nothing to be afraid of. To Trixie though, there was plenty. These kinds of groups were often of the open information variety, were everyone worked through their issues via discussion and retellings of what they had suffered. That was a problem for Trixie, as there were plenty of things that she would prefer stay buried, never to be unearthed by anyone.
She wanted to just walk away, but at this point she had a feeling there were few places to go to. After having a day to dwell on what happened at the construction site, Trixie felt even more troubled. The feelings of personal guilt piled up as time went by, as did those of persecution. She had little reason to think that the mare she tripped up wouldn’t have spread stories to the others working there, who would have in turn shared the tale of how Trixie caused a huge mess only to storm off afterwards all throughout the shelter once they got back. As of now, she believed that she was no longer welcome there, if she had ever been to start with.
Her options came down to either going to the meeting, or wandering around aimlessly. One offered something, and the other offered nothing. When it came down to it, she really didn’t have a choice. Even if it were only for the next hour or so, the meeting would give her a place to be. So stepping out of the dark alley, she took the first steps to what she would soon discover was a defining period of her life.
Making her way to the door, Trixie pulled out the flyer to check the address and ensure this was the right place. She really didn’t need to, as she had done so several times already and even saw other mares enter the building, but she was starting to second-guess herself after what had transpired. It wasn’t until she was at the door itself that she finally accepted the idea that she had gotten something right for a change.
“Here goes nothing.” Trixie mumbled to herself, raising her hand to give the door a few light taps. Waiting for a moment, the unicorn got no response, so she tried again harder. Seconds passed again, and nothing. “Oh come on, I know that somepony is in there.” In a bit of frustration, Trixie grabbed the door handle and turned it. To her surprise, it did so with ease, and with a little push, it opened for her with no issue. “Uhh… hello?” she said, poking her face into the door.
Trixie didn’t see a single pony from her spot at the entryway. Only a hallway painted a similar light blue to her own fur color and a light brown, hardwood floor. There were several doors along this hall, all of them closed save for the one at the far end.
You’ve come this far, Trixie thought to herself, No point in backing out now…
The blue mare crept inside, closing the door behind her as she stepped past the threshold. With a deep breath, she traversed the length of the path set before her, checking each door along the way only to find them all locked. Clearly there was only one place to go, and unless she missed the cut off time for the meeting, that place was where it would be held. Oddly enough, the closer she got to the door at the far end, the calmer she got, though she didn’t even notice this sudden lapse of nervousness. To Trixie, she was just going from one point to another, with the fear of what she would find once she got there slipping from her mind.
“Anypony else want some juice or cookies?” Those were the words that greeted Trixie as she got close to the door. It was the voice of that mare from earlier, Starlight.
Getting closer, Trixie spotted the mare walking around a circle of seats, passing around a tray of snacks for the ponies attending the meeting. They were all seated in a circle, everypony able to see one another easily from their place in the formation. Most of the seats were filled, but some remained open for any others who might wander in. Curiously, it wasn’t just mares in the group and there were a few stallions attending too. Why they were attending such a group was beyond Trixie, as many mares that would join this sort of thing would find their presence imposing.
As Trixie took in the group, Starlight noticed that somepony was spying at them from the doorway. “There you are”, she said cheerfully as she approached and greeted the blue unicorn, dropping her tray on a refreshment table next to the door. “I almost believed you weren’t going to show up, but I’m so pleased you decided to come after all. Good for you.”
“Now wait a minute,” Trixie said, recoiling slightly, “I’m not exactly sure about this yet.”
“Not good with public speaking?” Starlight asked legitimately, “That’s fine. It’s not like we’re going to put you on the spot day one. Come on in, grab some snacks, and take a seat. You can sit in for one, and if you like what you see, you can take a turn next time.”
“That’s… okay?” Trixie said, “Isn’t that unfair to everypony else?”
“Hmmm…” Starlight looked to the others, “Does anyone have any problems with a sit in?”
The ponies in the room all gave replies of “No”, “Not really”, “I don’t mind”, or simple head shakes, not objecting to somepony coming in who didn’t intend to actively participate.
“Okay, I’ll come in.” said Trixie, having no other excuses. She walked in past Starlight, finding the first empty seat she could to sit in. It was right next to a yellow earth mare with a curly orange mane.
Starlight gave a cheerful smile, and started walking around the room with her tray again. “Go ahead and relax or mingle. We are still waiting for one more pony to show up before we begin.”
Mingling wasn’t first on the things that Trixie was concerned on doing, and her mind was far too active to truly relax. She was balancing on the border of calm and jittery, not really sure which one she wanted to be. Trying to ease herself more into the former, she looked around her surroundings.
Like the hall, the walls of this room were light, though there were windows with red curtains placed around to grant some color to the place. Also adding to the color were wooden beams that popped out of the wall, made of a dark brown wood, much darker than the wood used for the flooring. Trixie wasn’t an architect, but the beams didn’t look like they were put there for structural support, but simply for decoration. Lastly, there were several shelves on the walls that held brass pots. Some were filled with flowers, while others held burning incense sticks. The smell from the incense filled the room, resonation a light but pleasant aroma that Trixie now realized she had smelt from down the hall.
Trixie started assuming that these were the reason her emotions were playing tug of war with one another, as this room felt designed to be inviting and induce a sense of comfort, but she was near determined to be anxious and withdrawn. If any pony so much as put eyes on her, she would quickly look away, wanting to give no excuses to start up a conversation. Try as she might though, this didn’t stop somepony from doing it anyways.
“Wait a sec, don’t I know you?” said a unicorn from across the ways, mint green all over, with white streaks in her hair, “You’re Trixie, aren’t you?”
Trixie didn’t know how this random mare knew her, but now that she had said something so specified to her, there was no way to ignore it. “Yes, I am… And you are?”
Trixie’s question came off a little rudely, but the mare didn’t pay it any mind, “I’m Lyra.” she said, giving her name freely, “I’ve ran into you a couple of times before the caribou. It’s nice to see you came out ok.”
“I suppose you’ve see a few of my old shows,” Her magic act was the only thing Trixie could think of that would allow anypony to recognize her, as she didn’t really know who this particular mare was.
“I’ve seen one before, but there’s another time we met that makes it hard to forget you.” Lyra went from being direct to being incredibly vague. Perhaps she was fishing for interaction, but Trixie was trying her best not to bite.
“I’m really not sure what you’re talking about. Whatever it was, I’m sure it’s not as important as you make it out to be.”
Lyra gave a slight pout, but was willing to let this slide. The mare sitting next to Trixie however found it rather annoying how Trixie wasn’t even bothering to figure out what Lyra was talking about, being at the referred event herself. “She’s talking about the time you came to Ponyville, challenged Twilight Sparkle to a magic battle, and then trapped the town and everypony in it under a glass dome when you beat her.”
Any calming effect the room had on Trixie immediately vanished. How could it not, after being outed like that? With such a grandiose statement being said about her, said loudly enough that all in the room could hear, a great deal of eyes shifted to the direction of the blue unicorn. This was a really unexpected turn of events. How could she have known that a couple of ponies from Ponyville were going to be present at this gathering, or that they would bring up such an embarrassing point in her past?
“That really wasn’t a good period of my life,” Trixie said, hoping to end all discussion before it went any deeper.
“I’ll say,” said the orange maned mare, “Since you made everypony in town work as your slave after all that.”
That was the exact thing that Trixie didn’t want brought up. A short time before the caribou took over, Trixie had done something just as terrible as they had, just on a smaller scale. She might not have gone to the extents of depravity that they did, as she never went so far as to rape a pony, but she did enslave an entire town to do her bidding.
“That wasn’t me,” Trixie tried to argue, “It was the Alicorn Amulet.”
“What’s this about the Alicorn Amulet and Twilight Sparkle?” said a voice coming from the entrance. Another unicorn had joined them, one with a very striking appearance.
Her mane was a fiery combination of red and yellow, her fur a bright orange, and her sharp eyes held a splash of blueish green in them. On her body, she wore a pink, shoulderless shirt, along with a short orange skirt that bore two stripes, one pink and the other yellow, that ran along the side of one of her legs. Then there was her jacket and boots, both made of black leather that reminded Trixie of the collar she used to wear around her throat that was made of the same material. Being reminded of such, Trixie’s eyes were directed to the mare’s neck, where she spotted a black neckcloth that was exactly the same as the one Starlight wore, and had featured on the flyer.
“Ah, right on time.” Starlight said, “All newcomers, this is Sunset Shimmer, our group’s founder.”
“Thank you, Starlight,” Sunset said, leaning against the door frame, her laid back stance and silent smirk resonating confidence. “I’m glad to see so many returning guests, as well as all the new faces. But if I can get back on topic, can I ask why something like the Alicorn Amulet was brought up?”
“Well…” Trixie stalled, not really wanting to explain, but knowing that it would be impossible to get out of doing so, “A while back, I found the amulet and… kinda used it to take over a town? Not on purpose, I promise, but the amulet-”
“Corrupted your thoughts and made you commit acts of evil.” Sunset finished, “Yeah, it will do that. One of the most powerful artifacts in Equestria, one with the kind of strength that it could have overthrown the caribou single-handedly, but impossible to control.”
“You know about the Alicorn Amulet?” Trixie asked, amazed that the support group’s leader treated the artifact like it was general knowledge.
“Sunset Shimmer was once a direct student of Celestia’s.” Starlight explained. “So she knows more about magical items and spells than most.”
“That’s true, but the existence of the Amulet is fairly well known to anypony in the field of magic, even if its side effects aren’t. They really need to update the information in ‘Relics and Rituals’. A bit of warning would spare ponies a lot of problems.”
“I… really didn’t mean to…” Trixie said to further incentify that her actions were not her own.
“And I believe you,” Sunset said, entering the room completely to take a seat at the front of the room, “And I think that it would be petty for anypony to hold a grudge over something beyond your control. If we’re supposed to forgive all the stallions that were influenced by the Crystal Heart, I think we can forgive you too.”
The stallions in the room gave an immediate nod to that sentiment, with several mares following in their actions. The orange-maned mare had her qualms with simple forgiveness, but she did relent by saying, “I won’t hold it against her, as long as she doesn’t make a mistake like that again.”
“That’s fair,” said Sunset, “We should only forgive those who make attempts to make amends, and I think that Trixie here is sorry for what she did. Am I right?”
“Yes, of course I am!” Trixie declared, wishing that everypony would drop this. She came here for emotional aid, not to be judged. Then again, it was only the earth mare that seemed to care.
“Then everything should be settled,” Sunset said, “Let get to the real reason we’re all here.”
“Fine,” said the orange-maned mare, “It’s not like I feel threatened by her now. Without that amulet, she’s not powerful enough to harm anypony.”
Trixie couldn’t say that the earth mare was wrong, but it still stung to hear. She was on the verge of leaving, having enough of all the ridicule coming from this one mare, but she at least wanted to see what they did in these meetings once they got started.
“Ok, so we usually start by letting the new members introduce themselves. I think we all know Trixie by now, but how about the rest of you?” Sunset looked to a few other new faces in the room.
The others listed off their names, but Trixie missed them as she retreated into herself. By now, she cared little about others, and was more focused on what she could gain from this. If she found there to be nothing for her here, she would very easily dismiss this as just another bad experience.
Once everypony was introduced though, Sunset properly greeted them all. “Thank you all for coming, and welcome to our little gathering. I want to let you know now that it is the goal of this group to help lost, disheartened, and emotionally distraught ponies get back on your hooves through helping one another. We do this by supporting one another, listening to the problems that we’ve been bottling up inside, and working towards making a brighter future for all Equestria.”
“How do you do that?” Trixie asked, referring to the last bit of Sunset’s mission statement.
“Our full-fledged members, such as myself and Starlight, come to meetings like this to help ponies such as yourself cope with the way things are in any way we can, and sometimes we go around Equestria for more important work. Any pony you see with one of these on is involved in these things.” Sunset said, tugging at the cloth on her throat.
“What’s up with those?” asked one of the mares new to the meetings.
“A common question,” Sunset replied, aware that had directed somepony to ask the question, “These cloths are a representation of the struggle the females of Equestria had to endure. As slaves, the caribou tried to use the color black to mark us. To make us targets for shame, belittlement, and pain. The truth is that those black collars defined us as ponies who would not submit to oppression and tyranny. Our determination and will got us through the terrible rule of the caribou, so we feel that wearing the colors defiance is an important symbol of how we refused to be broken.”
“That’s… inspiring?” Trixie said, not finding the proper word she wanted to convey for how she felt about the replacement for what was once a thick, restraining symbol of enslavement.
“It is meant to both inspire and encourage our members to always push forward to a new day. To acknowledge the past and our accomplishments during that time while enduring through the things that the caribou tried to drill in our heads. By not submitting, by never becoming a red collar, you have proven that you are much stronger than those bastards ever gave you credit for.”
Several ponies in the room gave a clap for Sunset’s speech, joining in when it was started by Starlight, but in the midst of this a stallion raised his hand. “And what about us?”
The implications of that question were obvious. “I’m not saying that stallions are less than us mares. You all had circumstances built against you. Most pony males were brainwashed on mass, controlled by a corrupted relic that constantly put thoughts in your head, directing you to abuse us. It is because of that that our group expresses an understanding towards those who couldn’t help themselves, and offer forgiveness to those who show that they are taking measures to make things right for those they wronged while being controlled.”
“Well of course we want to make things right.” another stallion said.
Almost all stallions in the meeting seemed to be in full agreement with this sentiment, but one wasn’t so pulled in by what Sunset was saying. “Wait a second, why do we have to ‘make things right’? You just said that it wasn’t our fault that all those things happened.”
“That’s true, but we have a couple of reasons for this mindset.” Adjusting herself in her seat, Sunset crossed her legs and leaned back, draping her arms on the chair’s back. “First one is simple enough. If you didn’t feel some kind of guilt about it, you wouldn’t be coming to this kind of meeting. So in order to get you past that in a healthy way, we found it best for stallions to do something to try and make amends to mares, be it the ones they personally violated or maredom on the whole.”
The stallion, hearing that bit of logic, retracted his resentment a bit. Had he felt 100% guilt free in all this, group therapy would not have been something he felt he needed.
“The other reason is that we want to make sure you’re not one of ones who started all of this mess to begin with.”
“You’re talking about the stallions that sided with the caribou?” Lyra asked, her chipper tone darkening slightly.
It had been made public knowledge after the caribou had been removed and a form of government was reinstated that not all stallions that participated in the fall were to be absolved of their crimes. Using records kept by the caribou, it was discovered that some of their prominent pony allies had not been manipulated at all by the Crystal Heart’s spell, and had willingly conspired with them in exchange for advantages in status, financial security, or the ability to have a mare they always lusted after as a personal slave. It was assumed that by following these records, all of said conspirators and traitors of Equestria had been rounded up and put into custody.
As of now, they, along with a vast majority of former ‘red collar’ mares, were either being detained to await trial and judgement for their actions, or had already been sentenced to join their caribou allies in a lifetime imprisonment in Tartarus. However, the idea that such evil stallions existed easily rose suspicions, and the idea that there could be some who escaped justice was a somewhat rational thought that filled the minds of an irrational populous. It was probably one of the main reasons mares still feared men so much, as there really was no way to tell if their cruel and perverse acts during the fall was the doing of mind control or not.
“Yes,” Sunset said, answering Lyra’s question, “The last thing we want is for one of those kinds of stallions to infiltrate our group in an attempt to manipulate our members. They might want to take advantage of mares who are vulnerable at the moment, or try convince a stallion to relapse into the way they were in the fall.”
“You can’t possibly think that would happen.” said the stallion from before, still seeing such tests as unnecessary.
“It might just be paranoia, but we feel it would be tragic to allow even one corrupt stallion to get into that sort of position. Wouldn’t you agree?”
Once more, everypony shifted their sights onto a singular pony in the room, this time locking onto the stallion to see what he would say next. There was nothing odd about this though, as in a group like this one, it was important that everypony participating be on the same page. Those who tried to stray from the path laid out could easily be seen as unhealthy for the group on the whole.
"I suppose so, but I still am saying that none of what happened was my fault" The stallion might have relented, but was reluctant to give too much of his ground away.
“And we accept that stance.” Sunset replied, “So long as you are willing to follow our program, no pony will accuse you of being one of the caribou supporters.”
“Good.” The stallion said curtly, not sounding as satisfied as his statement implied.
“With all that out of the way, why don’t we get down to the actual purpose of the meeting.” said Sunset, “We will pick up from where our last meeting left off. For newcomers, we were talking about our experiences during the fall. What we had to go through, and what kept us going. Carrot Top, I think you wanted to go next.”
“Sure,” said the apprehensive, orange maned mare who had called Trixie out earlier. Straightening her back so she could sit tall in her seat, the earth pony scanned the room one last time before starting her story. “I was in Ponyville when it all happened, tending to my farm in preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration. As you all know, the caribou chose that day to attack Canterlot due to the main celebration taking place there that year.”
“Right,” said Sunset Shimmer, “That was the day that the most ponies would be in Canterlot, in order to join the festivities and see the sun raising ceremony.”
Trixie nodded in agreement, not having been there themself, but knew why one would reaffirm that fact. The caribou, after taking over Canterlot, obscured the facts of the invasion. They said many things that were clearly wrong to any native resident of Equestria who knew better, but tried hard to press it as absolute truth. They tried this a lot with pony history, attempting to shape it into something that appealed to their ideals, and in this case, they tried to get ponies to believe they ‘liberated’ Canterlot during a planting festival.
This not only didn’t make sense to those who knew what event fell on that particular date, but to anypony who knew that the only thing close to a planting festal ponies had was Winter Wrap-up, where they would plant the spring seed for the coming year. Apparently the caribou didn’t know this detail, or didn’t care because they wanted to erase the idea of a celebration of the princesses raising the sun from the minds of all ponies altogether, but even an outsider could see something off about a planting celebration being held on the days going into summer, implying there were months of unsown seeds and untilled lands.
“From the moment we saw the bubble spell cover the city,” Carrot Top continued, “We knew that something was wrong. For a minute, we thought it was another changeling attack, but then Rainbow Dash arrived to tell us what was really going on. Everypony in town was put on alert, but to be honest, we weren’t as worried as we should’ve been. We figured it was another problem Twilight would fix. We even thought that was what happened when the bubble came down later that day.”
“That was until Twilight came in the next day and told us all about what the caribou were doing in Canterlot.” Lyra said, adding to the story and identifying that she had been there that day too.
“And what happened after she arrived?” Sunset inquired, everyone else in the room carefully listening to the unfolding events. Even Trixie found herself wondering what had happened, as she was nowhere near Canterlot or Ponyville when all these things happened.
“Things went from bad to worse,” said Carrot Top, “We tried to prepare for a fight, but it felt like we were being sabotaged from the inside. Things were going wrong far before the caribou even arrived, with the Crystal Heart’s spell slowly corrupting the stallions and all of Twilight’s plans going awry. By the time they came, we barely had bunkered up enough ponies to fend off anything threatening, let alone an army of caribou and stallions.”
“It must have been horrible,” said one of the other mares, “Seeing that many marching up to your town.”
“It was frightening,” Carrot Top confirmed, “They sent more than enough soldiers to take over a small town like ours several times over, with plenty more still in Canterlot if they failed. I guess they were after Twilight, and sent all they could spare to get her. Little did anypony know, they didn’t need an army to do that.”
Everypony knew what that implied, as for every ton of trumped up article of propaganda the caribou spread about their supposedly unopposed victory over Equestria, there was always a small grain of truth.
“As their troops came to claim the town, they gave everypony one chance to surrender. From what Twilight had told us about the terrible things they were doing to mares in Canterlot, of what they would do to us if given the chance, we didn’t think anypony would’ve been stupid enough to actually give up. Then a few seconds later we saw Twilight run out to them. At first I thought she was going to give some heroic speech before the fight, but then she bowed before them and offered herself to the caribou as a slave. Everypony was speechless. We couldn’t believe that Twilight, the last alicorn not enslaved by the caribou, our most powerful weapon against them, would just give up.”
“But Twilight didn’t give up, did she?” said one of the stallions, “Wasn’t a statement released that said all of the red collar alicorns were under mind control?”
“That is the official report from the committee...” Sunset stated, not adding anything else to that vague and somewhat ominous phrase.
“I don’t know why Twilight did it.” said Carrot Top, “She could have been mind-controlled, or she might have succumbed to stress or something. I really don’t care what the reason was, because as of that moment, we were done for. Not a single female was spared from the caribou’s cruelty, nor did any escape. They wanted not only the princess, but the other two ‘Elements of Harmony’ that were also in Ponyville, so they left nothing to chance. By holding up in there, we were waiting to be captured, and without Twilight, we had no hope. We all were subjected to enslavement, while the stallions we had locked away for our own safety were released to join in on raping and torturing us for the first time. It was barely a week after they had started their kingdom, and we still had a year to endure of that nightmare.”
With that brief summary of what happened in to Ponyville finished, the spell the story held on its listeners broke. There were a lot of details left out of what happened when the mares of Ponyville were caught, but everypony present could easily fill in the blanks. Pegasus mares were painfully stripped of feathers and had binders placed on the remainders of their wings, unicorn females had their horns chopped off mercilessly to the forms of stumps, and every woman present was introduced to the male anatomy in the most brutal ways the caribou could imagine. At best, a mare had to suffer only the pains of rape and humiliation, but the caribou seldom stopped there.
“But luckily you didn’t have to suffer as much as most other black collars, right, Carrot Top?” Sunset questioned, obviously knowing the answer already.
“No, I didn’t,” Carrot Top replied, “Thankfully I only had to endure it until the spring. For months I was treated as a slave, force to pleasure stallions and stags alike, day in and day out. I prayed to whatever would listen for it to stop, and eventually my prayers were answered. The caribou’s endless celebrations of their dominance went into the winter, and before the season was over, the whole of Equestria was running low on food. They had to enlist every farmer… every male farmer in the kingdom to fix the problem they caused, giving them at least double the workload they normally had to because they didn’t have enough male owned farms to feed every pony in Equestria, let alone the caribou and all the slaves they imported from other nations.”
This was yet another well-known fact that the caribou often tried to obscure, the kingdom wide food shortage, which was not helped at all by the kingdom’s wide droughts that accompanied it. When trying to liberate men from the ‘oppression’ of females, caribou took little consideration into the fact that Equestria’s infrastructure relied on the united efforts of pony mares and stallions to keep everything running smoothly. Many tasks, like getting water to Cloudsdale to make rain, were impossible to adequately supplement, since weather teams could hardly produce the needed wind force to deliver it as easily and effectively as before. In no way could caribou help with such a task, and even in tasks where they certainly could have helped, they would rarely show an interest in doing so. They perceived themselves as elite soldiers and upperclassmen, and thus were not going to do the menial labors of a peasant.
“So in order to make up for their mistake, they ended up sending mares who had experience with planting and farming to farms,” Carrot Top went on to say, “Just as work slaves to the new owners of the land, and with stipulations saying that we had to be used as both sex slaves and as beasts of burden. That meant that those unfortunate enough to be put in those positions had to work all day, often bound to restrict movements or while having to put up with sexual abuse. Of course, for most stallions, that wasn’t even needed to be said, but I got sent to a place where that rule had to be enforced.”
“Sweet Apple Acres,” Sunset Shimmer said, naming the most well known place where such a rule would have been in place.
This got a round of reactions from the others in the circle, as there were none who hadn’t heard of the events that happened there. The stories told of Sweet Apple Acres were on the verge of mythical, and as with most myths, they were greatly exaggerated. Most saw the farm as a sanctuary during the fall that very few got to experience, and depicted its proprietor as a saintly hero who did all he could to go against the the caribou. Minor alterations embellished this tale, such as how this stallion tricked a gullible caribou into getting him close enough to King Dainn to deliver a fatal blow, then using a well-crafted speech to touch the hearts of the royal guard, bringing them back to their senses, before single-handedly destroying the Crystal Heart to free Equestria from the corrupting spell placed upon it.
“Sweet Apple Acres was the safest place a mare could have been during the Fall,” Carrot Top said, further perpetuating the myth, “And while it wasn’t always easy there, I don’t think I would’ve survived anywhere else. Even there, I couldn’t get over all that had been done to me, all that had been taken from me. I was in a state of constant depression, not helped by this bitch of a red collar that was at the farm causing trouble for me and the other mares there. She seemed to be the only one of us who didn’t want the caribou occupation to end.”
“But it did eventually end,” Sunset interjected, “So how do you feel now? What has happened to you after the regime ended. Have things gotten better?”
Carrot Top took a deep breath, collecting her thoughts on the matter of her current life. “I want to say yes, but I feel like the answer is no. There is nothing actually wrong with my life now. I’m no longer a slave, I don’t have to worry that I’ll be staring down a dick by the end of the day, and since my carrot farm was only repurposed by the caribou, I got it back once the caribou were driven out.”
“Sounds like your circumstances have been far better than most mares.” commented Sunset, “So what is it that makes you think things are still bad?”
“I… just feel uncomfortable all the time. Like everything rubs me the wrong way. When I went back to my farm… my home… I just kept thinking of all the disgusting things that happened there. I think about the caribou who lived there, soundly sleeping in my bedroom, living it up with his red-collared bitch as others were treated like animals in cages just outside. It makes me think about all the times I was raped, and all the times I could be raped again. Every time I wake up, I wonder if I’ll have some male standing over me, ready to slam his hand down on my throat as he pushes himself inside me. I think about how unsafe Equestria really is. How at a moments notice, my life could be torn apart just as easily again, and how helpless I’d be if it did. When I see a stallion on the street, I think about what he could do to me if given the chance, and that a few months back no pony would have batted an eye if they did. All of these thoughts make me feel powerless, and that powerlessness makes me feel so angry.”
Carrot Top stopped to take hold of her arms, cradling herself as she bent forward slightly. Trixie recognized that posture, that expression on her face. For as little as the earth mare had endured in comparison to most mares, she too had suffered, was still suffering, and had no answers on how to stop. Of course, it was not nearly to the extent of Trixie’s inner turmoil, as she was trapped inside a terrible cycle of depression and frustration. Carrot Top could still be angry at something other than herself.
A mare on the opposite side of Carrot Top from Trixie placed a hand on the mare’s shoulder, able to feel the earth mare’s slight tremble of rage as she tried to comfort her. A small few in the room started a small row of claps in appreciation of Carrot’s bravery in sharing all this with the group, while others like Trixie remained silent and still.
After allowing the claps to die down, Sunset adjusted her posture, her body portraying much respect for Carrot Top’s story. “It’s never easy to just move on like nothing happened, and the Fall is something that is not only a part of our lives, but as you described, reveals a lot of issues with the state of the kingdom. If not for the work of many heroic ponies, it is possible that Equestria would have never recovered from what the caribou did. Even now, we are having trouble picking up the pieces, but I feel that you being able to share your feelings with us all is a good step to recovery. These feelings are not a bad thing either. It’s ok to be angry. It’s ok to be upset. The thing is to direct those feelings at those who deserve it.”
“I know,” Carrot Top said, “But it’s not like I can take out my aggression on a caribou anymore.”
“I suppose not,” Sunset replied, “But perhaps there are other healthy ways of releasing that anger. Like today, telling us how much you loathe them and what they did to you. Didn’t that help getting it out?”
“Actually… A little…” Carrot Top said, “But I know it’s just going to get me angry again eventually.”
“Of course it will. What happened to you, to all of us, was horrid. Ponies don’t just get over that, but we don’t have to let it rule our lives. Instead we need to find ways of using these bad experiences to empower ourselves, and use this thing that connects us to unify against the enemies of Equestria.”
What Sunset was saying was motivational, for sure. From what she said, and the authority she seemed to put behind her words, it really did feel like it could be possible to feel good over having gotten through what was the worst period of these ponies’ lives.
“Thank you for sharing that inspiring tale with us,” Sunset said, seeing that Carrot Top’s story had reached its logical conclusion, “Now who would like to be next?”
The rest of the meeting carried the same tone all throughout. Somepony would take a turn talking about their accounts and experiences of the Fall, usually leaving out most of the less savory details, while all of the others listened carefully. Each tale was miserable, not only from the perspective of the mares, but from the few attending stallions too. In one bit of irony, a pegasus mare explained how the regime had forced her to lose her virginity, only to have an earth pony stallion then explain how the same thing happened to him as well. Of course Trixie already knew that stallions say their mind-controlled lives during those times as a wide awake nightmare, but it was haunting to hear first hand how similarly the caribou had harmed ponies of both sexes.
The meeting was finally wrapped up by Sunset declaring, “Well that’s all the time we have for today” out of the blue, looking out the window to see a purple sky and a sun sinking under the horizon. “I think that we all worked out a good portion of our negative emotions, but we all should get back to our homes before it gets dark. Those of you waiting for somepony to come get you, feel free to stay as long as you like, and if any of you might be too afraid to venture out after dark, you are welcome to stay the night here in one of our guest rooms. Also, if anyone still wants something from the snack table, feel free to grab something on the way out.”
Sunset’s lines were definitely rehearsed, with her being the one who ran the meetings, she probably ended them this way all the time. Be that as it may, she did design these closing statements to give those who participated a sense of ease. Trixie herself was pretty glad for the part about there being rooms open here where she could stay, at least for tonight, as she really didn’t feel up to confronting the mare who accused her at the work site, which was a strong possibility if she returned to the shelter.
“And to all newcomers, I hope to see you back here for our next meeting in two days.” Sunset said, getting up from her chair, heading to the exit. “But remember, it will be your turn to talk.”
Trixie tried to get up from her seat before Sunset Shimmer left, so she could inquire about a room, but was stopped by a light lavender unicorn getting in her path.
“So, what did you think?” asked Starlight, eager to hear the opinions of the mare she had invited, “Do you think you’d like to come to another meeting?”
Trixie wasn’t sure how to answer that. While the ponies who came to this time seemed nice, the encounter with Carrot Top at the start put the blue unicorn in a spot she really didn't want to be in, though most others at the meeting seemed to take in stride once Sunset explained Trixie’s actions were beyond her control. The idea that she would have to talk in front of everypony and actually describe what she had been through… What happened when she was enslaved… That still felt like a lot.
All she could reply with at the moment was, “I will definitely think about it, but for now, I was wondering about one of those rooms Sunset talked about.”
“Oh of course. Can’t be too careful after dark. As Sunset Shimmer said, even if the caribou are gone, we never know who among us could have been working for them.”
Trixie didn’t really want to believe what Starlight was implying, but whatever excuse gave her a night away from the shelter and its occupants would be accepted by her. “Right.” She agreed for the time being.
“Well I gotta get going,” said Lyra, snagging a plate full of cookies before she left the room. “I gotta hop on the last train out of here to see my marefriend, and she'll get worried if I don't show up.”
“I’ll walk out with you,” said Carrot Top, the two mares making it clear from before that they at the very least lived in the same town, thus probably knew each other as neighbors. “See you all in two days.”
The mares and stallions bid each other farewell before departing, and by the end of it, Trixie was the only one who ended up staying. That was fine enough for her though, as it meant that she would be able to be alone that night, and no one would try to get an early version of the story she’d have to tell should she decide to come to another meeting.
With everypony gone, and Sunset Shimmer not returning, it was up to Starlight to lead Trixie to her accommodations. “Come with me,” the light lavender unicorn said, “You bed is just down the hall.”
As one might expect, the room Trixie was being offered was one of the ones that she had found to be locked coming in. Starlight, revealing a key from within her dress, opened a door and granted Trixie access.
“This is the room,” she said, extending an arm in past the door frame, “It’s not much, but it is comfy.”
Trixie stepped inside, and was actually amazed at what the room had to offer. There was a single bed inside, one just big enough for her, with no hints that this was a room meant to be shared. The floor was hardwood, but had a large rug over top of it that felt soft under Trixie’s hooves. Then there was a bedside nightstand, which a top it were several pieces of paperback literature, and a candle ready to be lit should the occupant feel like some nighttime reading. The most unexpected thing of all was that the room had two other doorways in it on either side, and on inspection they turned out to be a walk-in closet and a personal bathroom. At first she expected that the bathroom had another doorway to one of the other rooms, but it was a sealed area with only one entrance.
Seeing this, Trixie fought back the urge to shed tears, though this time, tears of happiness instead of sorrow. It had been a long time since she had such a place to stay. The shelter was made to house as many mares as possible, so rooming together was mandatory. Before ending up there, the best she ever got was a night in a cold dungeon cell as something awful painfully invaded her holes, be it an object, a male, or some disgusting abomination. To have an actual room to herself after all this time was perhaps the most uplifting thing to happen to her since her liberation, even if it was implied to just be for one night.
“I see that you have found yourself around,” said Starlight, having let Trixie explore on her own accord, “Feel free to use the room however you wish. In the morning I’ll come and get you for breakfast. If you need anything before then, I’ll be right across the hall.”
“Wait,” said Trixie as Starlight tried closing her door, “Why are you doing all this? Your group I mean.”
“Didn’t I explain it before?” Starlight answered, “We are trying to bring normality and equality back to Equestria. We can hardly do that with a crowded shelter where everypony has to share rooms and fight for food. Not when the males still have their homes and don’t have to live under the same circumstances. It was part of the mission goals of our leader to make sure that any mare be given the same kind of housings that any stallion would have.”
“But why?” Trixie asked again, “What does she get from all of this?”
Starlight looked confused, but then thought about the question, before finally answering, “I suppose she doesn’t get anything from it. Sunset Shimmer is just a really nice pony who wants what’s best for everypony.”
“Really?” Trixie said, sitting on her bed.
“Really, really.” Starlight said in a comforting tone, “Now try to get some rest. I’ll get you up early tomorrow. That way you, me and Sunset can have breakfast together. It will be great. We can swap a few girl stories and I can make us all waffles.”
With that the door closed, and for the first time in over a year Trixie was left truly alone. No abusive caribou, no uncaring stallions, no mares judging her attitude. It was just her and her thoughts, for as much as that meant. As while she was left to her own devices, she found that without a constant reminder of how bad things were, she could actually clear her mind of all that awfulness. For a moment, she could pretend that the problems in the world were thousands of miles away, and that all that mattered was in this small space that, for the moment at least, belonged to her. With what felt like an amazing deal of weight lifted from her shoulders, Trixie fell back into her bed, before drifting off to sleep after what had been an incredibly stressful and draining day.