Rainbow Dash easily looped underneath the minotaur’s wild swing and flew back up to deliver a swift kick to his head. The minotaur staggered, but didn’t fall. Recovering quickly, he swung again, hoping to catch the pegasus before she flew out of his reach. Again, he hit nothing but empty air, and received a kick in the head for his trouble.
“Yeesh, you minotaurs have thick skulls,” Rainbow commented as she landed in front her opponent. “I mean, sure, you can take a hit, but you never learn!”
The minotaur bent its head and charged Dash, horns-first. Dash took off to the right, looped around, and came down hard on the back of the charging minotaur’s head. This time, the minotaur went down.
“And she wins again!” Dash said with a smug smile as she stepped off of her grounded opponent.
“RAHAHAHAHA!” Axe boomed. “I warned you, Clay! She’s too fast for you!”
Clay, Rainbow’s opponent, got up off the ground and tried to hide his embarrassment by looking down and dusting himself off. “I would’ve had her if she wasn’t so small,” he said weakly.
“That’s funny,” Rainbow said with a mocking grin. “Earlier you said it would be easy because I was so small.”
Laughter erupted from the crowd of guards surrounding the training ring, swelling Rainbow’s pride. After leading her to the training grounds outside the palace proper, Axe had set up a little event for her and all the guards that were off duty at the time.
“Three challenges!” Axe had said. “The top four scorers of the first move on to the second, then the top two of that face off on the third. The winner of the third earns the respect and admiration of all those present...and my dessert for a week! RAHAHAHAHA!”
The minotaurs had laughed when Axe told them that Rainbow would be joining the competition. The laughing stopped when she easily won the first challenge - a race - without even using her wings. When she generated a small tornado while performing a discus throw - the second challenge - some of them had actually cheered. And now, having won the third and final challenge - a sparring match - Rainbow felt that she had finally earned their respect.
“And that concludes our little event!” Axe called out. “The winner and undisputed champion, with the top score in all three events, is our guest, Rainbow Dash the Awesome!”
The guards cheered, and Rainbow twirled into the air to strike a pose.
“And now...” Axe said as the cheering died down. “WE FEAST! RAHAHAHAHA!”
~~~
The mess hall was pretty much exactly what Rainbow had expected, a plain hall with several identical long tables. The only notable decoration was a painting of a large, grey minotaur with a broadsword and a wide smile on the far wall. The seats at the tables filled up quickly, and Axe actually had to hurry to secure two adjacent spots for both him and Rainbow Dash.
By the time everyone was settled, there wasn’t an empty seat left, and the air was filled with chatter. Everywhere Rainbow looked, there were minotaurs talking or laughing or arguing about one thing or another. On one table, an arm wrestling competition was even underway. Rainbow took it all in and smiled. Axe was right to call this a feast. There was only one problem...
“You know, when you said we’d feast, I kinda expected...food,” Rainbow Dash said. She idly poked the unidentifiable green goop on her plate with a spoon. “What is this, even?”
“I have no idea!” Axe boomed before lifting his plate and sliding all of the goop on it into his mouth. He put the plate down and belched. “But it tastes awful! RAHAHAHAHA!”
Rainbow stuck out her tongue in disgust and pushed her plate away. “I think I’ll just skip straight to dessert, then.”
“Your loss!” Axe exclaimed, taking Rainbow’s plate and downing her share the same way he did his.
“You may have to wait a while,” said a female minotaur guard seated next to Rainbow. “Dessert isn’t something they usually serve to the guards, so Axe’s has to be brought in from the palace kitchens, and that takes time. Not everyone’s as fast as you.”
“Hey, no one’s as fast as Rainbow Dash the Awesome!” Rainbow said, puffing out her chest.
The guard chuckled. “Can’t argue with that. I know I’ve never seen faster. The name’s Era, by the way.”
“Nice to meet’cha!” Rainbow said. She winced as Axe’s booming laughter erupted again. She turned and glared at him, but he was in the middle of telling some wild, extremely macho story to the minotaurs across the table and didn’t notice.
“Don’t let it get to you,” Era said, giving Rainbow a friendly pat on the back that knocked the wind out of her.
“What?” Rainbow asked.
Era smiled then counted down with her fingers. 3...2...1…
“RAHAHAHAHA!”
“That,” Era continued. “Yeah, it’s kinda annoying and way too loud, but after a while, it grows on you. And then you start doing it too, if only because you just automatically hear it after the end of every other sentence. There isn’t a minotaur in the guard that can’t imitate Axe’s laugh at this point.”
“Why, though?” Rainbow asked. “I’ve only been around for about half a day and I must’ve heard it at least a bajillion times by now! Why would you want to hear it more?”
“This is gonna sound...kinda weird,” Era said, shaking her head. “But it’s reassuring. As long as Axe is laughing, then you sorta get the feeling that things are okay, you know? Even when it seems like he has no idea what’s going on. And if you can laugh with him, then things seem even better. Does that make sense?”
Rainbow thought of Pinkie Pie - her annoying chatter, her hyperactive antics, and her nonsensical reactions. Was she annoying? Big time. Was she loud? Oh yeah. But would they be better off if she wasn’t?
“I...guess I can see what you mean. Kinda,” Rainbow said. She looked over at Axe, who was now swinging his arms wildly to act out some part of his story, causing the minotaur next to him to duck to avoid getting hit in the face. Instead of getting angry, though, minotaur actually laughed. Axe was definitely no Pinkie Pie, but Rainbow could tell that his enthusiasm was rubbing off on everyone around him.
I guess the minotaurs are just into that sort of thing, Rainbow thought. Wonder if he ever breaks out into song?
“And that, my friends, is how my old man punched Dragon Lord Torch in the eye and lived,” Axe said, concluding his story. “Of course, it wouldn’t have been half as epic an adventure if he was as fast as our Equestrian guest here! RAHAHAHAHA!” He added, playfully punching Rainbow’s shoulder and knocking her into Era.
“Ow!” Rainbow cried as Era helped her back onto her seat. “Watch the hitting! I don’t weigh half a ton like most of you! And what’s this about your old man?”
“What?!” Axe cried in fake indignation. “Haven’t you been paying attention?”
“No,” Era replied. “We were enjoying a normal conversation for once, you big lug!”
“You were just trying to weasel the dessert out of her, weren’t you?” one of the other minotaurs accused.
“Hey, she can share it with whoever she wants!” Era countered. “You aren’t gonna be here all week anyway, right?” Era asked Rainbow with a wink.
“If Rainbow leaves, then the dessert should go to me!” Axe exclaimed. “It is my dessert, after all!”
“Since when?” another minotaur asked. “You’ve never won it, much less eaten it!”
“Challenging me, are you?” Axe asked with a glint in his eye. “Careful now, I take after my father, and he was undefeated! RAHAHAHAHA!”
Tin Spokes suddenly appeared behind Axe. He was carrying a small cake with him. “Need I remind you, Prince, that we are not to speak of the king at present time?”
“Bah, he is my father, Spokes,” Axe said with a dismissive wave. “I will speak of him as I please!”
Spokes frowned. “And I see you’ve hung up that painting of him again,” he said, looking at the painting of the grey minotaur on the far wall.
“It helps morale!” Axe exclaimed. “Plus, they got his good side! The side that looks like me!”
“Except taller,” Era quipped.
“RAHAHAHAHA!”
Spokes shook his head, but dropped the subject. He set the cake down in front of Rainbow Dash. “Congratulations on your victory, Ambassador. I’ve been told you broke several records.”
“No one’s ever finished my challenges faster!” Axe boasted. He made to punch Rainbow’s shoulder again, but stopped when he noticed her glaring at him. He cleared his throat instead. “Right...so...enjoy your prize!”
Rainbow looked down at the cake. It was coated in pink icing, but beyond that, it was completely unadorned. There were no designs or accessories to speak of. It lacked even the simple lines or dollops of cream that went on the most basic cakes back at Sugarcube Corner.
Wait, what if it’s not even a cake? Rainbow asked herself, remembering the strange green goop that was supposed to have been dinner.
“So...what flavor is it?” Rainbow asked with some hesitation.
“I’m afraid I do not know,” Spokes replied. “I did not bother to ask. Usually the dessert has disappeared by the time my hands leave the platter. I cannot recall the last time one has lasted this long.”
That was when Rainbow noticed the hungry stares the cake - her cake, if it even was a cake - was getting from every other minotaur at the table save for Axe. Some of them were even drooling.
“Say...” Era began. “That’s...that’s too big for you to finish on your own, right?”
Rainbow’s stomach growled, making her decision for her. “Nope!” she told Era before digging into the cake with gusto.
The minotaurs’ faces fell as Rainbow easily eliminated the entire cake - now confirmed to be a simple chocolate flavored cake - by herself. There was a moment of silence around the table as the last crumbs fell from Rainbow’s muzzle onto the now empty plate. Or there would have been, had Axe not been present.
“I think that’s another record! RAHAHAHAHA!”
~~~
Shortly after Rainbow devoured her cake, Axe rose from the table.
“Leaving already?” Era asked. “It’s only been a few minutes!”
“Aye,” Axe replied. “But there are still a few princely duties I have to attend to now that the day’s excitement is over. I work too, you know!”
“Since when?” a minotaur asked. “Rahahahaha!”
Axe smiled as the whole table erupted in laughter mimicking his own. Rainbow noticed that this smile was softer than the others she’d seen from him, and the look in his eyes that came with it showed gentle fondness. It lasted only a moment, however.
Axe shook his head and countered, “Since you stopped doing yours, you freeloader!”
The table erupted in laughter again, and the topic shifted as the minotaurs began ribbing each other.
Axe turned to Rainbow, the only one at the table still looking at him. He gestured for her to follow and walked out of the mess hall. With no reason to say, Rainbow took flight and flew after him, Tin Spokes silently walking a step behind her.
“Caught you staring, little pony,” Axe said with a grin as Rainbow caught up to him outside the mess hall. “Is there something on my face? Or have you just fallen for my good looks and charm?”
RAHAHAHAHA! Axe’s laugh echoed in Rainbow’s mind, although Axe himself refrained.
Rainbow groaned. “Era was right, I can hear it in my head now!”
“But nothing tops the real thing, does it?” Axe teased. “RAHAHAHAHA!”
“Enough with that!” Rainbow snapped, though the grin on her face did not match the harshness of her tone. “Didn’t you say you had things to do?”
“Right you are!” Axe declared. “But it’s a poor host that leaves his guest unattended. Shall I show you to the guest rooms?”
Spokes cleared his throat. “My prince, please see to your duties. You may leave the ambassador in my care. Rest assured that I will see to her every need.”
Axe waved his hand dismissively. “You’re far busier than me, Spokes! All I have to do is make sure the all clear signal has been properly given. And go see the old man to tell him what happened today.”
“You are not obliged to give any kind of report. And do not forget the paperwork you were to go through this afternoon,” Spokes added.
“I already have!” Axe declared with pride. “Forgotten, that is.”
RAHAHAHAHA! Rainbow heard in her head. She facehoofed. Seeing this, Axe grinned.
Spokes’ eye twitched. “My prince, it is imperative that you -”
“So what do you say, Ambassador Rainbow Dash the Awesome?” Axe asked. “It’s a rare honor to be escorted by royalty, you know. And I daresay, few know the halls or history of the palace better. I could share some of that history as we go along; even answer any questions you might think up. Aye, it may take up a good chunk of my precious time, but I, as your humble host, would be honored to be of service to you.”
“Uh...okay, I guess?” Rainbow said. “Why are you being so formal all of a sudden?”
“Excellent!” Axe exclaimed, ignoring the question. He began leading Rainbow back towards the palace. “If you’ll follow me, ambassador, we can enter the palace through the armory. Did you know that we minotaurs are the world’s foremost experts on non-magical weapon crafting? The royal armory has more than a few pieces that you won’t find anywhere else! The secret is in our reliance on hands, you see. Wonderous things! Not as versatile as magic, sure, but -”
“Prince Asterius!” Spokes called out as he moved to block the pair. “I feel I must warn you that if you continue to ignore the duties of your office that do not involve physical exertion, the effect on our government would be quite severe. Unlike before, neither King Minos nor Prince Daedelus are able or willing to -”
“Yes, yes, the times are changing indeed, Spokes,” Axe said as he gave Spokes a friendly pat on the shoulder and gently pushed him aside. “Which is why it is, as you said, imperative, that I do my part, and not abuse the dedication of hard working bulls such as yourself. You can leave the ambassador to me, I’ll be sure to give her the full guided tour in your stead!”
“That is not what I -”
“Have a good night, Spokes! I’ll see to that paperwork in the morning. Ah, but a prince’s work is never done. RAHAHAHAHA!”
~~~
As Axe walked Rainbow through various pieces of minotaur equipment - even showing her a few prototypes, like a repeating crossbow and something called a fire lance - she found herself uncharacteristically distracted. Ordinarily, such an awesome display of unique military gear would capture her attention immediately, but she was currently preoccupied with trying to pick out and piece together relevant clues and details, like she knew Rarity usually did.
Okay, Rainbow, you know something’s up with Axe. You’ve hung out with him, and he’s pretty cool, but he’s also a little...off. Somehow, this all ties into a friendship problem. The problem you were sent to help with, Rainbow thought to herself. Try to remember what you’ve seen and heard so far. There must be some hint or clue that - wait, did he just say that lance shoots fire? Without magic? That is sooo cool! I - no! Focus! Focus! Gah, why is this so hard?
“Something bothering you, Rainbow Dash?” Axe asked. “You’ve been acting strange since you ate that cake. It not sitting well with you?”
Rainbow’s head snapped up. “What? The cake? No way! We have cakes three times the size of that one back in Ponyville. I’m fine, trust me. So, uh, please continue.”
“Are you sure? There’s no shame in needing to use the toilet,” Axe said. “Though with your size, you’d probably just fall in! RAHAHAHAHA!”
“I’ll have you know that I’m a perfectly proportioned pegasus!” Rainbow exclaimed. “I’m not small, everything here is just big!”
“Except for the cakes, apparently,” Axe pointed out. “Going by what you’ve told me, in Equestria, the cakes are much bigger, but the bathrooms are actually smaller. What kind of backwards logic is that? Small wonder you’ve never started any wars. You’re too busy unclogging your pipelines! RAHAHAHAHA!”
“Hey, Equestrian plumbing works just fine!” Rainbow said defensively. “A lot of smart ponies wrote a lot of books on the subject! There’s, like, a whole section of them in my friend’s library!"
“A whole section you say?” Axe asked with a coy smile. “Just for plumbing?”
“Yeah! And...hey, I know what you’re getting at!”
“RAHAHAHAHA!”
Rainbow fumed. Hearing Axe laugh so often in such a short span of time was really starting to get on her nerves.
“Ugh, are you like this all the time?” Rainbow snapped. “Enough with the obnoxious laughter already!”
“Now, now, ambassador. No need to be upset,” Axe said, patting Rainbow’s head. “Anyone would laugh more around good company! Take it as a compliment! You didn’t hear me laugh as much around old Spoke-in-the-mud, now did you?”
“Huh...I guess not,” Rainbow replied.
“See? You’re doing your job: improving pony-minotaur relations! RAHAHAHAHA!”
“But what about Dagger?” Rainbow asked.
Axe’s good humor drained away. His smile stayed on his face, but it now seemed strained. “What about him?”
Rainbow’s muscles tensed, and her instincts told her she was flying in dangerous territory. “Nothing, it’s just...you laugh plenty around him.”
Axe swallowed. “Aye. That I do, don’t I?” There was a lengthy pause, and Axe’s gaze went distant. “Doesn’t seem to matter how old we grow, or how cold he gets, when we’re together, I laugh like when we were calves. Makes me wonder...will I laugh when he dies?”
“Wait, what?” Rainbow asked, shocked by the unexpected turn of the conversation. “Why would...I mean, that’s, uh...Well at least...that won’t happen for a while, right?”
“My brother and I share the title of prince,” Axe said, serious. “But there can be only one king, little pony.”
A sound like a crack of thunder punctuated Axe’s grim statement. Axe snapped his head towards the sound and let out an angry snort as it rang out again and again. Before Rainbow could say anything else, Axe grabbed one of his namesake weapons from a rack and charged out of the armory towards the sound, breaking the door down as he went.
As Axe charged down the halls, Rainbow Dash hot on this heels, he heard his soldiers scream along with the cracks of thunder, their terrified voices adding to the dread cacophony echoing throughout the palace. The last of his usual mirth evaporated. In its place came a squall of anger; anger born of fear and frustration; anger he often suppressed, but once let loose, he could barely control. Whatever was attacking his people, Axe decided, was as good as dead.
He had no idea how right he was.