//------------------------------// // 7. Bucking Nonsense // Story: Suited for a Challenge // by Mocha Star //------------------------------// Rainbow felt slime roll across her body from back to hooves and eventually felt it against her skin and while it was gross, it was nice to feel something that wasn’t cloth or cloud. Then, the feeling was gone and she felt the urge to breathe. She inhaled deeply and coughed some slime from her mouth, then stood up ready to shout at Discord instead facing a mirror that let her see she was wearing a white cat bodysuit, much like opalescence with bows on each ear. She saw movement from the corner of her eye, not sure what to expect. She wasn’t expecting to be looking at a banana the size of Big Mac. She really wasn’t ready to see it glide across the ground and start peeling itself, showing the top half of a mare that was merged with the fruit. Rainbow grimaced and backed away, then moved aside while it slid past her trailing purple slime that she gagged at when thoughts crossed her mind. Rainbow watched as it kept sliding and then tore her gaze from it to look around the Apple’s farm. “Huh,” she said as she watched what she considered to be food as it milled about and gathered. Dozens of variety of plants, flowers, and other eatables intermingled while country music played from inside the barn, and while being clearly edible and somewhat appetizing, the fact that each item had a pony’s upper body carved out of the top. From a pumpkin that rolled and stopped with a fat mare on its stem, to corn with a pony made of husk. Rainbow trotted into the mix, ready for anything. “Hey, who’s in charge here?” she asked an old pickle that turned and smelled like it was from a very old jar. She coughed when the pony on its top opened its mouth and exhaled vinegar and spices. Rainbow looked up and flinched back, taking a step away when she noticed it didn’t have eyes, just black dots. “Why is it talking?” it hissed in a slow voice. Nearby a stalk of corn and a very ripe beet turned to look at what the pickle was talking about and both screamed. The party, save for the music, came to a halt and every eye was on her. The potato didn’t need to turn to see her, but it was hanging out with a hemp leaf and was a little too fried to notice at the moment. Rainbow looked around the party and smiled awkwardly. “Uh, hey, you seen Applejack?” An apple appeared from behind a bale of hay with green lipstick marks on its body, followed by a green apple. “It wants to eat us?!” the red apple screamed and started running away while the green apple watched her leave. “Well, I wish I would be eaten,” she huffed. “Don’t mind her,” a yellow carrot said from beside Rainbow making her jump, “that apple’s just green with envy and red’s a bit raw about losin’ his uncle in Fuji last year. Name’s Tippy Toppy Pippy Poppy Yellow Yarn Green Grass, but you can call me Tpyg.” “Ain’t noveg callin’ ya that, Tops.” The carrot turned around and its greens waved the pony atop it. “Who said that? Was it you? It was! Onion, you stinker, don’t interrupt me while I’m talkin’ to this thing,” he turned back to Rainbow and its leafy arms crossed. “What are you, by the way?” “I’m Rainbow Dash, fastest pony in Equestria,” she struck a pose and heard the gathering gasp. “Yeah, I know, you’re impressed. I’ll-” “Murderer!” “Killer!” “Maniac!” “Potato?” “Help, save the children!” “Oh Harvest, why won’t anyveg think of the children?!” “Potato?” “Man the lifeboats, save the peppers first.” “Stuff yourself and wait!” “Potato!” The crowd panicked, scattering to the orchard and hiding behind trees as they went while Rainbow shook her head. “I’m not hungry right now and I’m not going to look at vegetables any different, they’re still just food, Discord.” Something bumped into her rump and she looked behind her. “Orange you glad you didn’t see me earlier?” and orange unpeeled itself to an empty pithy inside and it covered her in a swift move, enveloping her in darkness. Rainbow bucked out and the orange peeled itself, falling onto Rainbow exposing her to the bright light of a halogen bulb, flickering at random. “Guh, what the hay’s-” she blinked when a swell of applesauce splashed onto her hooves; she was standing on a raft made from apple tree bark. There wasn’t anything for as far as she could see, just the sweet smelling applesauce and her on a raft. She sat and felt something under her, jumping when she heard a whine. “Ew, you sat on me. Hi, I’m Leek,” a normal enough leek with a pony stallion’s face at the base said. “Of course,” Rainbow had to laugh, “there’s a leek in the boat, I get it! Ha, okay, that one’s pretty funny.” “So, none of this is funny but you’ll laugh at a joke that lame?” Leek gestured around with its leaves. “Heh, classic,” Rainbow said licking her lips. “I think I’m getting hungry, glad Discord didn’t ‘leek’ me alone out here,” she bore her teeth in a grin and took a step towards Leek. “You wouldn’t!?” The chase began with them running around the outer edges of the raft, finally Leek jumped over the edge with a scream and Rainbow followed, once under the surface she felt the cool refreshing feel of water and swam in a lazy circle and tasted the sweet taste of soda. She swam up and broke the surface, gulping air, then sweet soda. She looked around and saw bottles floating around her. “Huh, I thought this was a lake of soda, but it’s a Fanta-sea,” she fell back under the water and floated on her back. “This might be the best one yet,” she giggled and began to move her wings faster to keep herself afloat. “What the-” she gulped soda and kicked to the surface to no avail as she sank like a pony wearing a bodysuit soaked with soda. Panic set in as it most likely would as she touched the bottom and gently touched all four hooves to the ground. She fought to hold her breath, but after twenty seconds she snerked and exhaled, inhaling deeply right afterwards with wide eyes. The she exhaled the slightly used fresh air she’d inhaled. She looked around herself and it was tinted yellow, but she could breathe and was glad for that at least. She started to move ahead through the soda, looking around at the submerged apple trees, tried to talk without any success, and then made her way to the farmhouse. She opened the door and was sucked in with a dozen gallons of soda before Granny Smith could close the door. “Dangnabbit, what in tarnation’re ya doin’ ta my farm? And what’re ya doin’ dressin’ like a fat cat? Ya done darn gone’n spit yer bit?” Rainbow hacked soda from her lungs, thankful it didn’t hurt as much as it should have while lying on the floor as her bodysuit dried quickly. “Look, I’m just trying ta find Applejack. Is she in here?” “Eeennggyyeh… Oh yeah, she’s upstairs in her room waitin’ fer ya. Said somethin’ about this bein’ the day you’ve been, uh, a’waitin’ fer er something.” Rainbow blushed with wide eyes and stood, shaking herself while Granny frowned at her. “Uh, you’re gonna need a towel,” she said when she looked at the mare with soda dripping off her, “I’ll get you one, be back in a few,” Rainbow flew up to Applejack’s door and stopped, hovering. She hesitated and then knocked. “C’mon in, Sugarcube. Ah’ve got somethin’ you’ve been want’n fer a while; it hot and ready fer ya.” Rainbow landed, wings open fully. She gulped and shakily pushed the door open and looked in, she didn’t see anything out of the ordinary so she walked in and the door slammed behind her. She spun and looked at Applejack, wearing a Wonderbolt’s uniform. “Ah got in! Can ya believe it?!” Rainbow’s jaw dropped as she looked at her groundbound friend in an aerodynamic form fitting Wonderbolts uniform that had Rainbow Dash embroidered in gold under her collar. Applejack reared and started flapping her arms and hovered. “Ah know you’ve been waitin’ fer this, but Ah guess honesty wins the race, slowpoke.” Rainbow grit her teeth. “That’s mine, AJ. Take it off.” Applejack smiled coyly. “Why Rainbow, not so soon.” Applejack flew away and through her window, shattering it into romaine lettuce as she led Rainbow on a chase back into the orchard. “Get back here and give it!” “Can’t hear ya from all that dust yer eatin’,” Applejack called back and looped around a tree, flying off in another direction while Rainbow followed. She flew into the branches of an apple tree and when Rainbow followed she quickly found out the tree’s branches and leaves didn’t seem to end where they should have. “Great! Another endless hallway gag, so soon?” she slowed and was about to look around when she felt Applejack land on her back and slip a bit into her mouth and a rope over her muzzle “Yee-haw! Ride’m cowpony!” Rainbow bucked and spun, fighting the tugs on the reigns. Finally she flew her back into the trunk of the tree and heard something crack. Fearing she hurt her friend she turned around and glared at the squirrel that was glaring at her, holding a nutcracker with a freshly shelled nut on the branch. “You mind, lady? I’m eatin’ here?!” “Where’s Applejack? What’re you doing here, what’m I doing here?! Get over here, I know you’re Discord in disguise,” she lunged and shoved the squirrel against the trunk and pressed her muzzle to its. “Woah, calm down, you got me,” Discord said and grew to his full height. Rainbow looked where her hooves were and squeaked pulling her hooves back and scraping them on the branch. “Why, Rainbow Dash, I had no idea.” She hovered in his face, glaring at him. “This’ over, Discord. I’m not playing your dumb game anymore. Give me back AJ and send me home, all of us.” He lifted his paw and held his fingers ready. “Fine, spoil sport. There’s only one thing left, anyway.” He snapped his fingers and all five of her friends were sitting in the crowd on stage while the whole crowd otherwise was gone. “Sugarcube, what just happened?” Applejack asked holding her hat in her forehoof and fanning herself. “Ah feel like I just rode a bull and got bucked into a tree.” Twilight smiled sheepishly and patted Applejack on the back. “You’re not totally wrong.”