As the saying goes, you can buy anything in Cowloon, if you have enough money.
I used most of the funds Princess Twilight had foisted on me to purchase supplies. My scheme didn't require anything particularly exotic; it was the confidentiality that came at a premium. Still, it didn't take long to stuff our saddlebags, at which point Carrot Top and I went back to her safehouse apartment to wait.
We passed the time with a few rounds of cards, which Carrot Top took as an opportunity to divest me of the rest of Princess Twilight's travel money. I won't say she cheated, but I'd hardly be surprised if Carrot Top had picked up a couple of tricks doing her time with the Equestrian Intelligence Office.
Eventually, the sun set over Cowloon, and we set out. Clad in matching black masks and tunics, Carrot Top and I slipped out the window. She shimmied up a drainpipe, and I just used my wings to get to Cowloon's crowded rooftops.
If there's any part of my overinflated reputation that approaches anything close to truth, it's my skill in covert action. Which is to say, skulking about hoping nopony would notice. Admittedly, I tended to put this to better use creeping away from inevitable disaster, but it's a useful skill no matter which direction you're going.
Thusly, Carrot Top and I made our stealthy way through Cowloon, and into the bamboo forests beyond. We made our way to Master Zhi's villa, and I lifted Carrot top over the outside wall. Charcoal braziers burned in the corners of the courtyard, lighting the cobbles with a sinister reddish glow.
On silent hooves, Carrot Top and I crept across the courtyard. According to her, the layout of the villa hadn't changed since she'd trained there all those years ago, so we knew exactly where to go. Carrot Top led the way, and we slipped into a large building at the far end of the villa. To judge by the weapon racks along the walls, and the bamboo mats on the floor, I figured it to be some kind of training room. We didn't stay long-- it was a simple matter fo”r Carrot Top to pull up the corner of one of the mats at the end of the room, pry up some of the floorboards underneath, and then we skulked out again in no time.
Which is when things got complicated.
“I'm disappointed, Golden Harvest.” Orange Sky stood at the opposite end of the courtyard, glaring at us. “Creeping about like a common thief? I thought you were a warrior.”
“You never did know me very well.” Carrot Top said in the typically calm and collected tone of voice that she used when she was getting ready to start breaking bones.
“Isn't this a pleasure?” Silken Lotus said from the left side of the courtyard. She'd traded her floral-print robes for ones of jet black. She had her mane piled up in fresh (but no less elaborate) braid, held in place with at least a dozen long hairpins. Ninja couture, I supposed. Cutie Cue stood beside her, a thin, unpleasant smile on her face.
The elegant-but-no-doubt-deadly unicorn continued. “Honestly, Orange Sky, I would be disappointed if somepony didn't sneak in to look for the book. Something that important is worth getting one's hooves a little dirty. Don't tell me you haven't searched for it yourself-- to little avail, I imagine. If you'd really found it, you'd never shut up about it.”
Orange Sky bristled. “I'm not the one who's talking too much.”
“There's no way she could have found the Manual so easily.” Tempest Shadow said from her perch upon the courtyard wall opposite Silken Lotus and Cutie Cue.
“And that is where you're wrong, Miss Shadow.” I said, with all the bluster and bravado I could manage. Which is no small feat considering my audience was four of the deadliest ponies I'd ever had the misfortune to meet.
It was a good thing I'd gone to the bathroom before we set out.
With no small degree of flourish, I pulled an ancient, cloth-bound book from beneath my wing, holding it up high so the other ponies could see it by the flickering light of the braziers. Golden Sky even went so far as to gasp, which I couldn't help but find gratifying.
“The Manual of 36 Hooves is mine.” Carrot Top said, voice still level. “As is the Legacy of Master Zhi, and as is this house. And now, I'm giving you the chance to walk away. I won't ask again.”
“Hah!” Cutie Cue barked, and took a step forward. “Did you really think that would work? You just found the book-- you haven't studied it. What's to stop us from taking it from your dead hooves?”
“I don't need the Manual of 36 Hooves to beat you.” Carrot Top said.
“In a one on one duel, yes.” Silken Lotus rolled her neck, casual. “But Porcelain Song and I have come to an ... agreement. And I doubt you can fight the both of us.”
“You will never possess the Manual of 36 Hooves, so long as I breathe.” Tempest Shadow leapt to the ground, landing upon the cobblestones hard enough I could feel the impact in my hooves, a good several yards away.
“That can be easily remedied.” Silken Lotus said.
“You are all unworthy! My technique is best!” Orange Sky reared up onto his back hooves, contorting himself into a pose that would have looked frankly ridiculous if one didn't know he was getting ready to tear somepony's spine out. “The Manual of 36 Hooves is rightly mine!”
Beside me, Carrot Top lowered herself into a ready, defensive stance. The five martial artists stared each other down, like starving, rival wolves circling around a fresh carcass. None of them were willing to make the first move, knowing full well the tiniest of openings could turn deadly in a split-second.
“You're all forgetting something.” I cleared my throat. “Right now I'm the one holding the Manual.”
“Your point?” Silken Lotus said, deadly-sweet. “It's obvious you've thrown in with your lover.” Her eyes fell to Carrot Top again, as if to confirm her assumption.
“Lover?” Orange Sky sputtered, and turned to glare at me. “Him?”
“Dense as ever, Orange Sky.” Silken Lotus said with a roll of her eyes. “Which just shows why the Manual of 36 Hooves should fall to somepony who doesn't have a hoof for a brain. Now, Flash-- give me the Manual, and I'll let the two of you leave.”
“Actually, I had a different idea.” I said.
And with that, I threw the book into one of the burning braziers.
The dried-out, centuries-old paper ignited at once, bursting into flame like a pack of matches. All according to plan. When I had sketched out the mad scheme some hours earlier, I figured that things would then go in one of two directions. Without the book to fight over, the five deadly ponies would give up on their respective schemes and slink home in disappointment, at which point Carrot Top and I would catch the first steamer back to Equestria.
That, or they'd just cut loose and try to kill each other like they'd wanted to.
If you, dear reader, have been reading my memoirs for this long, you shouldn't be surprised as to which option those ponies took.
Cutie Cue dashed for the burning brazier, no doubt in an attempt to rescue the book, but Carrot Top blindsided her with a flying kick before she could make it. Meanwhile, Silken Lotus' horn glowed as she telekinetically slid a quartet of wickedly-pointed onyx hairpins from her mane. She flung the hoofspan-long needles at Tempest Shadow, but the unicorn blasted them out of the air with a blast of raw, unfocused magic.
With everything going to hell around me, I fell back on my preferred solution to such a situation. I ran. Or, well, I flew, more specifically-- after all, most of Master Zhi's students couldn't fly, which gave me a decided advantage when it came to staying the hell out of their way.
“YOU!” Orange Sky streaked towards me.
Most of Master Zhi's couldn't fly.
I hadn't counted on Silken Lotus goading Orange Sky like she did, nor had I counted on Orange Sky being so goad-able. And so, the big, burly pegasus swooped at me like an angry falcon, murder in his eyes.
“I shall kill you, and then Golden Harvest will have no choice to accept me as her worthy suitor!”
“Love doesn't work that way!” I blurted, and ducked beneath the first of Orange Sky's savage kicks. I'm no Wonderbolt, but I've flown with them.* I've never been one for fancy air-show maneuvers, but when it comes to self-preservation, one would be hard pressed to meet a pony with as many tricks as I. As Orange Sky came at me, I twisted, banked, rolled, dived-- anything to keep myself away from his blindingly-fast hooves.
See: Sentry at the Charge.
Master Zhi had been a unicorn, and that's the only thing that kept me alive. His style (being so practically demonstrated by the four mares below) was primarily terrestrial. It simply wasn't meant for aerial combat. Which isn't to say that Orange Sky was a pushover-- but if he wanted to kill me, he'd have to catch me first.
I flapped my wings as hard as I could, climbing up into a dark cloud. It was too wispy and thin to squeeze any lightning bolts out of it, but it at least was enough to hide in, giving me a brief chance to gulp down a few frantic breaths.
My respite didn't last long-- Orange Sky burst through the cloud cover right next to me, lashing out with a deadly hoof. I twisted away-- but not fast enough, and he clipped me on the side of the head. Light flashed before my eyes, and the sky whirled nauseatingly around me. Precious seconds later, my vision cleared enough for me to register the ground rushing up at me. I splayed my wings by instinct, angling them to pull myself out of my crash-dive. My hooves scraped the cobblestones as I streaked across the courtyard. I laughed, giddy to escape death yet again--
--which is when I crashed into Tempest Shadow.
We tumbled over each other, cursing and kicking, until the two of us crashed into the courtyard wall. I groaned, and instinctively shoved Tempest Shadow off of me with all four hooves. She rolled to the side, swearing like a sailor. In retrospect, she should have thanked me, as I kicked the scarred unicorn away just in time for the trio of needles Silken Lotus flung at Tempest's throat to embed themselves in my flank.
My ensuing scream could best be described as 'girlish.'
Seeing as of how all the other ponies didn't immediately start pointing and laughing at me, I can only presume my whimpering went unheard over the din of battle. Tempest Shadow didn't thank me for saving her life, either, instead springing back to circle warily around Silken Lotus once again.
Unfortunately, I didn't go completely unnoticed: Orange Sky swooped down at me again, shouting bloody oaths and threats that are best not reprinted here. Bruised and bleeding as I was, at least my wings still worked, and I made good use of them as I made my hasty retreat. Orange Sky smashed his forehooves into the wall hard enough to crack the plaster, then pushed off to keep chasing me.
I didn't have enough time to gain altitude-- instead, I skimmed just over the cobblestones, weaving and circling around the other ponies trying to kill each other. I whizzed past Carrot Top and Cutie Cue, finding some gratification in the sight of the former planting a hoof right onto the latter's jaw.
“Sentry!” Tempest Shadow shouted at me. “Turn left!”
Without thinking, I obliged-- just in time for a stream of raw, crackling magic to streak by me-- and into Orange Sky. The blast hit him like a fire hose, smashing him into the courtyard wall.
“Now we're even.” Tempest Shadow snorted.
“Thanks?” I said, slowing myself to a steady hover. I looked over my shoulder, and sure enough, Orange Sky was laid out unconscious-- or possibly worse. One less thing to worry about--
--which is when Cutie Cue grabbed me.
She effortlessly twisted me into a fair approximation of a pretzel, twisting one of my forelegs at an unnatural angle with one of hers, while she pinned the other around my neck in a choke-hold. I tried to cry out in pain, but the hoof to my throat choked it to a mere raspy whimper.
“Get back!” Cutie Cue shouted, wheeling me around to face a grim and bruised Carrot Top. “I'm warning you-- one step closer, and I'll tear him apart!”
Carrot Top narrowed her eyes, and wiped a trickle of blood from the corner of her mouth. “Let him go.”
“Why should I?” Cutie Cue said, and cranked my leg a degree closer to its breaking point. “Master Zhi's first doctrine is to strike where your enemy is weak. And I don't think it gets much weaker than this fool here.”
“Well done!” Silken Lotus said as she trotted up beside Cutie Cue. With most of her hairpins gone, the unicorn's dark mane was left to tumble around her neck and shoulders-- unkempt, but in a somewhat enticing sort of way. “I should have thought to take him hostage earlier.”
“What do you want?” Carrot Top growled, planting her hooves. “The book's destroyed--”
“A minor setback.” Silken Lotus waved a hoof. “Enacting my plan without it will be difficult, but not impossible. No, the only thing holding me back at this point ... is you and Tempest Shadow.”
“You forgot one thing.” Tempest Shadow said, stepping in to stand next to Carrot Top.
“What's that?” Cutie Cue tightened her grip around my neck.
“I don't care about the colt.”
And then Tempest Shadow shot me.