//------------------------------// // All Under Control // Story: Fifty Shades of Neigh // by GaPJaxie //------------------------------// A request by Georg: Princess Celestia is immortal. So is Philomena, her pet phoenix. Many ponies do not realize the similarity between the two. Twilight Sparkle is one of them. "Pardon me for saying this, Princess, but you look terrible." Twilight Sparkle paced alongside her mentor as they walked through the corridors of the castle, obviously disturbed from the way she flicked her own wings and was busy biting her bottom lip. "I mean not that you look bad, it's just that--" A single raised hoof by the Solar Diarch was enough to stop Twilight's rapid babbling. "I'll explain it all when we get out to the gardens, and the fire pit. If I last that long." She laughed, shedding a few additional feathers as they continued their path. "You see—" Then Princess Celestia burst into flames. More precisely, she overflowed with flames. Fire did not attach to her body as it might to a burning mortal, but rather, welled up from inside her. It burst out of her, tearing through her skin like it was tissue paper and sending burning flesh wafting through the air. Fire curled out of her ears, rolled out of her mouth. Frozen with horror, some dark part of Twilight's mind couldn't help but note that Princess Celestia farted flames as well. It was an undignified way to die. Then she was gone, and there were only ashes. The whole thing had taken mere seconds. "Oh," Twilight said. Then she started screaming. "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh." Twilight paced back and forth in the throne room. Her eyes were bloodshot, and her face was wet with tears. "What do I do? What I do? It just happened and..." She sniffled. "I can't rule Equestria. I'm not ready!" "Twilight Sparkle," Luna said, "would not I be the next in line for the throne? I would make a fine rul—" "Luna, go help some fillies with their nightmares; I'm being serious!" Twilight snapped the words out, her tail lashing too and fro. "Hmmph!" Luna turned up her nose. "Have it your way then." She stalked out. "Oh, what do I do?" Twilight bit her lip, pacing back and forth in the empty room. "I have to tell ponies what happened. But I can't tell them the truth! What, alicorns spontaneously burst into flames? There will be a panic. Ponies will wonder if Luna and I are next. I need to make something up. I could, uh..." Her pacing accelerated. "Say she went on vacation! Yes. That's it. A long and unscheduled vacation. Or maybe she's on a retreat. To the sun! No, that won't work..." The door to the throne room opened, and one of the royal guard poked his head in: "Excuse me, I'm looking for Princess Celestia. She's late for-" "Princess Celestia is dead!" Twilight whirled, jabbing an accusative hoof at the guard. It took her a moment to find her next sentence. "She's uh... I killed her! With magic. Because I'm evil. And I rule Equestria now!" "Oh." The guard paused. "So are we like, fascist?" "Uh..." Twilight frowned. "Uh... yes?" "Cool." He nodded. "I'll let the guys know." Then he shut the door and left. Flames shot out of Celestia's urn. The vessel shattered, and from the smoke, a young alicorn emerged. She was barely taller than Twilight, white coated and rainbow-mained, with a peppy and youthful disposition. "Surprise!" she shouted, "I..." She froze. The throne room was made from grey stone and black banners. The throne itself was made of iron, carved out of a single imposing block. Rows of guards in sharp uniforms stood at attention down the main row. The friendly and colorful bureaucrats were gone, replaced with rows of stern-faced stallions with grey uniforms and wire-frame glasses. Twilight was frozen in place. From the chalkboard and stickynotes nearby, she'd been trying to lead an academic brainstorming exercise on which tiny country to invade first. Then Celestia looked at the clock. "Twilight," she said, her tone stern. "It's been two hours."