//------------------------------//
// Will She Live Through This? 
// Story: Inviting Chaos Into Your Home 
// by An Intricate Disguise 
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Twilight ran down the corridor with her wings tucked against her sides, ignoring the pants and the faint burn in her chest that only persisted because she really didn't get enough exercise. It was times like this that she began to despise the labyrinthine nature of her castle, all of its samey looking hallways and constant motif, how the heck was she supposed to tell where the commotion had come from?

And there it was again. Another bang! and the sound of splintering, cracking wood. She followed the sound with worry etched across her features, biting on her lip. When she finally found an open door, she stepped inside to her dressing room, only to find Discord standing in the corner on three legs, clutching a slightly bloodied hand in his mouth. 

Twilight looked at him in a panic, more worried about the second sight of blood about him in the last ten minutes than she was about what had happened. "Discord! Are you okay?!" she rushed over to him without waiting for a response, the burn of her chest mixing with the doubling of her heart rate as she began to pull splinters from his hand with a careful stream of magic. He whimpered a little at first, but braved it nonetheless as she pulled one, two, six small pieces of wood from his pawed hand. "What the heck happened?!"

Discord only pointed behind her. Twilight's eyes followed, until eventually they settled on the largest wardrobe in her dressing room, which now had a Discord paw-sized hole through it. Her eyebrows immediately knit together, and she dropped his hand as she wheeled back around on him, hot with anger. "Why would you do that?! You can't just come into my castle and start breaking my possessions!"

"It insulted me!" Discord protested, testing his paw on the ground, yowling a little, but still managing to walk. "I simply walked in here, looking for the little draconequus' room, and this rude thing told me to get lost! Naturally, I told it I already was lost, and then it said something rather rude about my mother." Discord inspected his paw, then looked at the wardrobe, and finally smirked at Twilight. "I think we both know who won that little debate."

"Discord, it's a Celestia-damned wardrobe." Twilight couldn't believe this, she'd panicked when she'd seen him hurt, but he was just... toying with her! Suddenly, a blush crossed her face. "And get out of my dressing room! You shouldn't be in here!"

"Well it's hardly as if you have signs on the doors," Discord said, and it was true. "Fine, I'm going to find somewhere to wash my paw up. I'll try not to tread blood all over your castle floors. No promises though." And with that, he left, just as he was told to.

Twilight sighed in exertion the moment he stepped outside, shutting the door behind him. If he'd seen her nightwear, or some of her more experimental attempts at Nightmare Night costumes, she wasn't sure she'd be able to live it down.

"For someone that acts as if they're not interested, you sure rushed to help him out earlier, huh?" Came a snide, slightly condescending voice.

"Oh, what do you know?!" Twilight snapped, spinning around to the door, expecting to find Discord on the other side. 

The door was closed. There was no one there whatsoever. Confused, Twilight wondered if perhaps Spike was in the room, or if Discord was somehow speaking to her telepathically. Anything that wouldn't confirm the ludicrous claim that Discord had made only seconds earlier.

"Over here, sweet flanks." Twilight listened out, she was sure she knew where the noise came from this time. And sure enough, it was emanating from the largest wardrobe in the room. Twilight then did what any reasonable and calm pony would do in such a situation.

She erected a shield around herself and backed up into a wall, chest heaving. "What the hell?!" She stared wide eyed for a moment, a few, as the thing remained inert, before it finally dawned on her. Twilight had seen this before, back when Discord was in the early stages of his reformation. Furniture coming to life and seemingly acting of its own accord, but it had never spoken.

"Ahem. I think the term you're looking for is who the hell. Mahogany, pleased to meet you."

Despite Twilight's confusion—and to be quite frank, fear—the pedantic side of her won out. "But you're not made of mahogany. You're made of oak."

The wardrobe's response was short and crass. "Have you ever met a prostitute named Diamond or Ruby? Bet she wasn't a crystal pony."

Twilight blanched, mouth agape. "Are you always this rude?"

"I mean, if the last two minutes I've consciously existed in are any indication, yes. Not very smart, are you, princess?"

Not lowering her barrier, but at least stepping forwards from the wall she'd almost morphed into in shock, Twilight shook her head. "I can kind of see why Discord punched you now."

"He should count himself lucky that I don't have arms! I was quite happy just being a dumb, inanimate object, and now I've been blessed with eloquence, thoughts, emotions... and for what, so I have to spend all day cooped up in a dingy room holding your lingerie in my body, waiting for one of you ugly cretins to walk in and disrupt my monotony?"

Twilight narrowed her eyes, stepping further forwards. "...did you just call me ugly?" Never mind the implications of what Mahogany was saying, that hit her right in the insecurity, and she wasn't exactly happy about it.

"Please, ugly is an understatement. I'd say you're not wooden enough for my tastes, but you're stiff as a board and just as flat to boot, I've seen more curves on a right angle, and don't even get me started on your mane, you big purple mess."

Twilight had never punched a wardrobe before. There was a first time for everything. She left a hole in the sapient object right next to Discord's. A little smaller, daintier, but there all the same. 

"Oh, how you wound me," Mahogany tittered, the drawers at the bottom of his body seeming to shift in a crude imitation of a laugh. "Don't blame me, blame Discord! I'm simply a manifestation of his magic, after all. If he hadn't been snooping through your clothes, I wouldn't exist to begin with."

"Wait hold on." Twilight opened up Mahogany without second thought, flicking through the garments on display. She'd been hoping that maybe she was misremembering, maybe she only kept dresses in here. But no, her worst fears had been realised in all of their risque, revealing glory. Twilight looked as if she'd just had a grenade full of red paint explode over her face. Her ears might have steamed if she was in a cartoon right then, but thankfully she wasn't, and that was impossible.

"Best you catch up with your roomie, chances are he's found your collection of adult novels by now." 

Oh gosh that wouldn't be good. "Discord!" Twilight took flight, leaving the weird construct and its two holes behind, rushing around the castle blindly in search of him. She tried to lock onto his magical signature, but couldn't feel anything whatsoever. This was so strange. He'd said he was without his magic, but if that was the case, how had he enchanted a wardrobe to talk?!

She wasn't sure what worried her more right now, his magic being on the loose around her castle, or the possibility that he might stumble onto something even more embarrassing than the cherry red number she had hung up in that wardrobe. She flapped with intensity, her speed picking up rapidly, and before she could decide where to check first, she began to smell something wafting from the kitchen.

Something that either smelled delectable or necrotic. She couldn't decide. 

Twilight either followed her nose, followed her disgust, or followed her need to find Discord. She found him in the kitchen, his ears steaming. Because apparently, that was possible for him.

"Twilight! You're just in time for coffee." Discord somehow spoke while his mouth was full of water, Twilight didn't question it. He reached forwards, pouring boiling water from his mouth into a pair of cups. She watched as wisps of smoke continued to drift from his ears. 

"Did you... did you just use yourself as a kettle?" Twilight felt faint by this point, finding a chair quickly and sweeping her legs off the floor before she could take another step into insanity and pass right out. Discord placed a cup full of dissolving sugar in front of her, and she eyed it extremely warily.

"Don't worry, I'm clean! No limescale." He showed his pearly white teeth as if to attest to this fact, and Twilight instantly started to ponder Discord's means of dental care. His teeth were actually impeccable. 

Snapping herself back to lucidity, she eyed the weird concoction sitting in front of her. To call it 'coffee' would be a lie, though it seemed to contain a little. She took a sip, and she was slightly ashamed to admit that it tasted like diabetic heaven, even if it was only to herself.

If anything, the sugar invigorated her enough to stop her from collapsing from exhaustion already. "D-discord..." She wasn't nervous, it was just the massive level of sugar in one sip that had given her the jitters, causing her to repeatedly tap her hoof against the table like an incessant fidget. "Discord, how the heck did you do that to my wardrobe?"

"Oh, you mean Mahogany?" Discord replied as if this was now suddenly a creature that was deserving of the respect a real name entailed. "It's like I said, prolonged exposure to certain furniture and household appliances can cause them to... change. Something to do with the intrinsic magic that surrounds my body—I've not read my user's manual in a while, so the details are a little fuzzy."

"Prolonged exposure?" Discord nodded his head. Twilight bore her teeth, which was less than threatening considering her lack of canines. "Why the hell were you rooting around in my wardrobe to begin with?!"

"I was looking for a magical land ruled by an oppressive snow queen," Discord said, straight-faced.

"I'm not even going to entertain that." 

"You don't need to, because all I found were a bunch of Starswirl costumes, Celestia cosplays, and your underwear drawer." Discord raised an eyebrow, inquisitive. "You do own an awful lot of thongs, princess. Why do you need them? I mean, apart from the fact you've never had a stallion in here—" Twilight growled at him, he continued undeterred. "—there's also the fact that ponies simply do not wear clothes. I can't see any reason for underwear. I'm the one that's not supposed to make sense."

Twilight couldn't meet his eyes, she couldn't believe they were talking about this! "L-look, they're Starlight's, okay?" This time, it wasn't the sugar making her stammer. 

Discord tilted his head. "One of them was embroidered with your cutie mark."

"Sheee... has a crush on me?" Twilight wasn't very good at lying, her voice went really high pitched and her words were especially elongated, but the biggest tell was the way she began to perspire almost instantly.

"And they were all monogrammed with your name, as well as tagged for what I can only assume was organisational purposes." Discord pulled a small, tight article of clothing from his mane and placed it on the table. "See? 'Property of Princess Twilight Sparkle. If found, please deliver to the Castle of Friendship, Ponyville.'"

Twilight stole a glance at the dark blue, skimpy bikini bottoms before snatching them up with a glare, hiding them in the first cupboard she could locate. "Don't go through my things! Or take them for that matter!" Her cheeks blazed crimson, and she batted him with a hoof. "Especially not... those things!" The moment she hit him with the hoof, right on his fuzzy, annoying chest, she retracted, sucking in breath through her teeth.

Discord looked at her curiously. "What did you do to your hoof all of a sudden? You seemed fine a moment ago." He stroked his chin, talons twisting through his beard, and all of a sudden, the pieces started to come together. "You flew here... I left you in the dressing room... You punched Mahogany too, didn't you?"

"I might've," Twilight grumbled, still not over his underwear theft, which he treated like the most platonic, usual, and non-creepy thing in the world. 

"Let me see your hoof," Discord said, and Twilight instantly recoiled. "Do you not trust me?"

"I... what do you want with it?" Twilight eyed him warily, looking ready to dash away at a moment's notice, or to fire a pretty offensive spell at him should he do anything else to try and rile her up. Slowly, she placed her hoof on the table, and for the first time saw herself the damage she'd managed to do. She too had a few splinters in there, and the fetlock looked slightly bruised. "You... you don't have any magic. What are you going to do?"

"You're right, Twilight." Discord brought his paw and talon together, cracking his mismatched fingers. "That said, I'm a little more dexterous than the average pony, mainly because of these." He gave his digits a wiggle. "Sit still." He didn't wait for her response, bringing his hands forwards and softly brushing them against her hoof.

His touch was... exceedingly gentle. Like nothing Twilight would've expected. She'd always seen Discord as a brute, yet he was soft and caring in his ministrations as he turned her hoof from one side to the other, examining the damage.

"It's mainly superficial, don't worry. Bring me over a bowl of water, some cotton swabs, and some tissue." 

Twilight could scarcely believe that Discord was actually helping her with something like this. It seemed so... out of his element. "Why can't I just fix myself with magic, like I did with you?"

"Because, Twilight, dear. I didn't want to say anything at the time, but your means of operation was very... crude. The inside of my paw has been itching since your magic tendrils started rooting around in there. I doubt you want to feel the same." As he spoke, he kept both hands pressed against her hoof, and Twilight couldn't help but feel a little embarrassed by the perceived intimacy of the moment. It was nothing, obviously, but he was still holding her hoof, and that was most definitely a new feeling.

Not an uncomfortable one either, as he made sure never to apply too much pressure, nor squeeze. Once Twilight had levitated over the objects he asked for, Discord set to work. He fished out a couple of the smaller splinters from Mahogany, who Twilight was almost sure was barbed by now, and despite the occasional small flash of pain, it was instantly soothed by the feeling of warm water being pressed against her fur, brushing the skin beneath. 

Discord took his time with each cut and scrape, being sure to clean them thoroughly and make sure that Twilight was alright. Once he was almost finished, there was only one splinter left. The largest one. Twilight began to wonder if he'd been saving it for last. She wasn't particularly squeamish, and her pain tolerance had only gone up since becoming an alicorn, but there was still something that struck her as rather perturbing about the idea of watching this one be pulled out. She tensed up before she realised, and instantly, there was a paw on her shoulder.

"Relax. It'll come out easier if you're relaxed, and then we're all done." He smiled at her then, and it wasn't the same twisted thing she was used to, but rather reassuring. "Deep breath. We'll count it down together." Twilight nodded, not sure why she'd gotten worked up in the first place, and they began to count. "Three, two—"

Before the word 'one' could escape her lips, Discord pulled the shard of wood straight out of her, shocking her immensely. "Discord! You did it early!"

"Because I knew you'd tense up otherwise," he mused, proceeding to clean the final cut. "Didn't hurt as much as you expected though, did it?"

"Mmh, I guess." Twilight looked away from him, not willing to meet his eyes, and only looked back when she felt that his hands were gone. She'd gotten used to them being there. 

He walked across the room and came back empty handed, then turned in multiple circles as if he was going to find what he was searching for by radar. "Band-aids?"

"Top cupboard on your right." 

"Good book horse." He rooted around in the cupboard until he found them, then brought them over, beginning to peel one back.

Twilight shook her head at once. "I can do this bit myself." 

"If you insist, have fun." Discord threw an oven mitt onto the table before turning to leave, looking back once and calling to Twilight. "If you need me, I'll be in the library. I'm rather hungry."

The words essentially went over Twilight's head as she covered the small cuts, trying to make sense of the way that Discord had just acted. Never in her life had she known him to be anywhere near so caring. Did he feel guilty because she wouldn't have punched the thing if it wasn't for Discord making it? Or was it simply prolonged exposure to Fluttershy?

All she knew was that it was odd. Really odd. And she wasn't sure if it was a good or bad odd. Come to think of it, everything about today had been so. 

She glanced at the oven mitt. Was she... supposed to wear this? Twilight shrugged, snickering at the notion as she placed it over her injured hoof, fastening it at the end so it stayed in place. She tested her hoof on the floor, and it did feel a little more cushioned. That had to be the strangest support bandage she'd ever used.

Yet it still worked, and after a few steps, she could barely feel the bruise or fresh cuts she was pressing against. Strange minds could sometimes conjure brilliance, she supposed. Even if it was a rarity. 

It was only after a few more seconds of marvelling at the sheer lunacy of wearing an oven mitt around her castle that Discord's leaving words came back to her, hitting her hard. He was going to the library. Her library. He said he was hungry.

Come to think of it, what did Discord even eat? She'd only ever seen him drink a glass before, and that sugary drink he'd made her? He didn't even have one himself. Which could only mean... 

"DISCORD! I swear, if you're eating my books, I will make you cough every last one of them up!"

Twilight heard a loud belch in the distance. Twilight got incredibly worried and may have teared up a little. Sliding on her oven mitt, she took off in the hopes of protecting her precious library before it could be devoured completely.