//------------------------------// // Nick the Dwagon Rider // Story: Prank War! // by Ashfur //------------------------------// "There's a dragon at the castle? For real? You don't just mean spike, right? Right?" Nick hopped around excitedly, a huge grin on his face. Celestia smiled her usual, warm smile. "Yes, a dwagon is waiting in the courtyard. Would you like to ride it, like some of those human novels you told us about?" Nick nodded so fast it seemed as though he was trying to become a bobblehead. "Boy, would I! This is gonna be great!" Luna chose this moment to chime into the conversation. "Before thou begin, Nicholas, thou must understand that this is a dwagon with a powerful enchantment. Only the worthy can ride it. But here, place these special goggles on thy head, so that thou might soar atop it safely." With no prompting, Nick took the goggles and put them on, only looking slightly ridiculous. But he didn't care, he was going to ride a friggin' dragon! With speed that could match the best Olympic sprinters, he dashed out towards the courtyard with no hesitation. There it was. Nick saw a reptile the size of a small car laying in the courtyard, brilliant white scales shimmering in the afternoon sun. A saddle rested on it's back, and it turned to Nick with an expectant look on its face. He very nearly bolted across to his prize, but was held steady by his alicorn friends. "Hold on, Nick," Celestia began, "You have to be very careful with this dwagon. We will need to lift you on ourselves." She levitated Nick into the saddle, and helped him get secure. "You must also understand that this dwagon is going to the eastern quarter of the city for a brief patrol, and you are merely a passenger, not the one in control. Do you still want to go?" Nick didn't respond with words, just shaking in pure excitement as he got to live an experience that most humans can only dream of. Luna chimed in. "Then be off, and have a safe journey! And do be careful, we would loathe to see thee hurt by falling off the dwagon, Nicholas!" "This is the greatest day of my life!" The route was slow, but Nick couldn't help but smile. As his ride stopped at every house, not even bothering to take off into the air, Nick would occasionally shout hello to passersby while thinking of how generous and kind his friends were. He was living the dream, and it felt too good to be true! Then, without warning, he got an itch in his eye. Deciding it would be alright to not heed Celestia's advice on his new goggles for just a moment, he took them off to rub his eyes free of any dust. And that is the moment the facade fell. Without his goggles projecting an illusion into his eyes and ears, he now saw what his 'dragon' really was. In reality, it truly was a dwagon, better known as a Delivey Wagon. Or as most humans would call it, the mail truck. Nick's eye twitched as he realized all the strange stares of shock he had been getting along his route were not of awe and admiration, and that he had spent the last hour and a half sitting atop a glorified mail truck screaming that this was the happiest day of his life. In short, he looked like a complete and utter fool, and somepony was gonna pay. "Uh-oh," one of the two delivery ponies pulling the D-wagon squeaked out. "He took off the enchanted goggles. He can see us now. What do we do, First Class?" The other began to visibly sweat, trying to draw on some mystical force to resummon the illusion of a dragon through sheer will. Alas, the Earth pony could not. "I don't suppose you would let me and my partner here go? W-we were ordered by the princesses not to tell you what was going on..." Nick furrowed his brow, glaring at the pony for any hint of a lie. Finding none, he sighed. "Fine, fine. I suppose I can't get mad at you for obeying a royal order. You there, pegasus. Help me down and I'll call us even." The other mailpony pulling the D-wagon looked up at him... and also sideways at a tree, and nodded. "Sure thing, sir! And just call me Derpy!" The gray pegasus mare flew up and helped Nick off the vehicle, before handing him a small stack of embarrasing photos of him riding atop the 'mighty beast'. "Oh, and since you're heading back to the castle, could you maybe deliver these to the princesses for us? They wanted as many as the camera would print!" She gestured to a camera mounted on the front of the D-wagon's roof, pointed straight at where Nick had been sitting. Nick simply took the photos and patted the wall-eyed mare on the head. "Don't worry about a thing, miss Derpy. I will personally deliver these to the princesses. You have a safe rest of your delivery route, you adorable little thing, you." He walked off towards the castle, plotting his revenge. That night, he delivered the photos as promised. But not in one piece, mind you: they made lovely confetti after being shredded and doused with glue, and Nick thought the royal sisters looked lovely with all that confetti stuck to their well-groomed coats.