Ten days until the big battle of the bands. Ten days until the potential - and likely - humiliation of the band she had put blood, sweat and tears into.
Intellectually, Twilight Sparkle knew that this was a big deal. She just found herself unable to care all that much, somehow.
“All in favor?” Trixie asked loudly.
“Aye,” she said automatically and raised her hand without even looking up from her journal.
It was Twilight who had set up this strict workflow where all moderately important decisions concerning the band went through discussion and voting, and even her biggest critics conceded that her organizational skills had contributed greatly to Villian Court’s success.
“All in favor?” Trixie asked.
And yet, it all just felt... meaningless to her right now. “Aye.”
She of course knew who was to blame, and for a change, it wasn’t Trixie. Twilight glanced down at her doodles, at the single word surrounded by ever more complex patterns:
RARITY
The concert had been two weeks ago, and the mysterious unicorn was still the only thing Twilight could think of. Even her dreams were all about the beauty in the designer dress, the mare who had kissed her in a way Twilight hadn’t even dared to fantasize about before.
“All in favor?”
“Aye.”
I should have followed Octavia’s advice, she conceded. Should have contacted Rainbow Dash and asked her for information. Maybe for a phone number. Maybe for flower preferences. But... then what? I’m terrible at small talk, we probably have nothing in common, and I’d be of even less use to the band if I was crying my eyes out after being shot down. She sighed. No, this is fine.
Somepony gently tapped her shoulder, and she looked up from her notebook. “Yes?”
“Go home, Twilight,” Trixie told her and gave her an odd, knowing smile.
Twilight blinked. “We got practice scheduled up after this meeting.”
“We do,” Trixie said, her smile widening a little bit, “and we will.” A pause. “So you can go home unless you want to stay and listen.”
What? She squinted at her friend. “Pretty sure the practice session will go a lot better with its lead singer, Trish Trash.”
Trixie’s smile briefly turned sour - she loathed the nickname Twilight had given to her years ago in school - but then the annoying smile returned. “Yes, it will. But it will also go a lot better without non-members distracting us.”
“Wha-...” Twilight stopped herself when she reviewed their exchange so far. I’m missing something. She exchanged several looks with Trixie. No, I’ve been missing something for a while now. Her eyes flicked over to the large whiteboard they had propped up in their makeshift studio. Then she did a double take when she realized that the board was almost entirely covered in text. “What the hay...”
Trixie stepped aside, clearly having waited for this moment. If nothing else, she knew her friend well enough to anticipate her reactions.
In her apathy, Twilight hadn’t even realized that there had been almost a dozen items during this meeting. There was no time to read through all the proposals, so she skipped straight to the last one. “#10: To ensure victory in the band battle, Twilight Sparkle will-...” She slowly got up from her chair, as if hoping that the change in elevation would alter the words on the whiteboard. “What... the... actual...”
“I suppose my handwriting got a bit sloppy towards the end there,” Trixie conceded, but it was just an act. “It says-”
“I CAN READ, TRIXIE!” Expected or not, Twilight’s outburst still made the others jump. “TWILIGHT SPARKLE WILL RESIGN FROM THE BAND! THAT’S WHAT YOU WROTE, YOU WANNABE WITCH! TWILIGHT SPARKLE WILL-...” She stopped herself when her voice cracked.
“One wonders why we even bother to give you a microphone on stage when you could just-”
“YOU’RE THROWING ME OUT OF THE BAND?” Twilight pointed at the whiteboard. Octavia, who had been standing next to it, moved a step to the side, as if worrying that it might explode at any moment. “YOU DARE? YOU DARE TO THROW ME OUT OF THE BAND WHICH I FOUNDED? MY BAND?”
Trixie exchanged quick looks with Octavia and Big Macintosh before putting on her best serious face. “Just because-”
“SOMETHING YOU LITERALLY CAN’T DO, BY THE WAY!” Twilight laughed. It was a harsh, ugly laugh. “Because, you see, there are rules,” she snarled and brought her face closer to Trixie’s. Much to her credit, her friend did not back off. “Rules that you so obviously forgot about. Such as the rule that we will never, ever remove somepony from the band, which was founded on the strength of our friendship.”
“We voted to change that rule.” Trixie calmly pointed back at the board.
“You voted to do what?” Twilight blinked and turned to face the whiteboard again. Hell’s bells, they actually did so right before the vote where they kicked me out. The lunatics! ...but at least they are orderly lunatics. In a twisted sense, Twilight was happy to see the band still following her strictly ordered protocols, even when they had apparently decided to do away with common sense. “So let me guess, you also introduced some rule to make it so votes don’t need to be unanimous so that you’d be able to kick me out?”
“Oh, there was no need for that.” Trixie’s professional expression was suddenly replaced by an angry scowl. “Check. The. Board. Again.”
Twilight took a half step back before reminding herself that she was supposed to be the one fueled by righteous anger. She checked the board yet again, this time not focusing on the proposals, but rather the initials next to each of them. The four sets of initials representing Trixie Lulamoon, Octavia Melody, Big Macintosh... and Twilight Sparkle. I voted for this. Trixie called out the votes and I replied without even bothering to check what I was voting for. Her mouth was dry, but she still felt compelled to say the harshest of all truths out loud: “I voted myself out of my band.”
“No,” Trixie hissed, her anger now completely overriding her composed act, “not your band. Our band.” She grabbed Twilight’s muzzle and forced her head downwards so that she could stare her down properly. “It ceased to be your band the moment you decided that it’s more fun to daydream about Legs McSilkydress while everypony else is worrying about how Fluttershy is going to annihilate us in front of a live audience in less than two weeks!”
“I-...” Twilight swallowed hard. This is a nightmare. Clearly. Has to be. I’ll wake up in my bed any second now, and I will have learned a valuable lesson and grown as a person. Because I absolutely did not just VOTE MYSELF OUT OF THE ONE THING IN MY LIFE I AM ACTUALLY PROUD OF! She started to tremble, started to feel like she was running out of air, out of space. Trixie’s grip on her muzzle was vice-like, and despite knowing that she was physically stronger than the lead guitarist, Twilight found herself unable to pull herself free. I DID NOT JUST DO THAT! TELL ME I DID NOT JUST DO THAT! She blinked away a few tears to stare at the board again. At the proposal she hadn’t bothered to listen to. At the vote she had participated in without paying attention.
It took her long seconds to come to the inevitable conclusion: No. I... did that. I spent the last weeks drifting further and further away from the band because I couldn’t stop thinking about Rarity.
She weakly tapped Trixie’s hand, signaling her surrender, and her friend immediately let go. “I-...” It took some effort, but she managed to hold back a strangled sob. Trixie is right - I let the band down when it needed me the most. I’ve let Rarity distract me to the point where I have become a liability. “I-...” This time, she only half succeeded. What would I have done if it had been one of the others who effectively abandoned the band? “I’m sorry,” she finally whispered as her sobs were just seconds away from a full meltdown. Without waiting for Trixie to deliver the killing blow, she bolted towards the exit. “I’m sorr-URGH!” She nearly lost her balance when her legs kept moving towards the door while her upper body was held back by an impossibly strong force.
“Ah sure hope y’all are happy now.” Applejack didn’t even grunt under the strain of having stopped Twilight’s escape by grabbing the scruff of her neck through her mane.
“LEMME GO!” Twilight snapped, but the band’s unofficial fifth member didn’t seem to be paying any attention to her.
“In all fairness, I didn’t expect her to lose it this quickly,” Trixie defended herself, letting go of her combative tone as quickly as she had picked it up.
“What did ah tell ya?” Applejack usually managed to keep her drawl to a minimum, but it tended to be out in full force when she was aggravated. “Y’all make Twilight cry an’ I know a bunch o’ ponies who can walk home.”
“Oh, give me a break, she turned on the waterworks when I applied minimal pressure. I expected her to debate or argue some more instead of immediately crying like a little-...” The grip on Twilight’s neck tightened as the farmer tensed up, and Trixie laughed nervously. Applejack’s tendency to be protective of her friends’ wellbeing probably would have been less scary if they hadn’t once witnessed her crushing a brick with her bare hands. “I mean... what I’m saying is... that I’m sorry for accidentally pushing her too effectively. The... ah... Great and Powerful Trixie often underestimates her powers.” The retreat into her stage persona, signified by referring to herself in third person, was a surefire sign of concern. Only when Applejack didn’t proceed to break her face, Trixie sighed happily. “I’ll fix this, just toss her my way.”
Applejack casually pulled Twilight back, ignoring the singer’s protests as she flung the unicorn across the room. Twilight hit the whiteboard face-first and cursed audibly. “I’m pretty sure she didn’t mean that literally,” Octavia quipped.
“Eh, she can take it,” Applejack replied calmly. “Sometimes needs a little nudge to snap out of her moodiness.”
“Moodiness?” Twilight wiped away a stray tear. Applejack’s intervention had given her a much-needed moment to calm down from her hysteric fit, but the impact had tempted her to throw another, different one. “I’ll show you moodiness, you overgrown muscle-” Somepony snapped her fingers right in front of her face, causing her to blink in irritation.
“Much as I’d love to see you two gym rats go at it, why don’t you focus on the band’s wellbeing for a change, Twinkle Sprinkle?” Trixie gave her a smug grin, the kind reserved for the rare occasions when she wasn’t worried that Twilight would retaliate for her use of this particular nickname.
“I thought I wasn’t a part of the band anymore,” Twilight said and briefly considered using her own silly nickname for her friend before deciding against it, “Trixie?”
Her friend’s grin widened visibly, but she didn’t celebrate her victory in the nickname contest beyond that. “Well, in her unlimited wisdom, the Great and Powerful Trixie, new lead member of ‘Trixie And The Villian Court,’ will-”
“Pretty sure we didn’t vote for a name change yet,” Big Macintosh muttered, his voice easily carrying across the room from the couch in the corner.
“-consider one more vote,” Trixie finished her sentence, pointedly ignoring the large stallion’s objection. She grabbed a marker and hastily started to write on the whiteboard: “#11: All of today’s votes shall be rendered null and void.”
Twilight gawked at the item. Is that even allowed? I mean... probably? I mean... WHO CARES, NONE OF THIS HAPPENED AND WE CAN BE A BAND AGAIN! She started to smile, but then stopped herself. Wait, it can’t be that easy. She gave Trixie a sideways look. “You didn’t orchestrate all of this just to let me off the hook this easily. What’s the catch?”
“Ah, there’s the Twilight we’ve been waiting for!” Trixie praised her and smiled triumphantly.
This is going to suck. Twilight desperately tried not to grimace. Then she froze. “You’re going to make me forget about Rarity,” she whispered, paling under her light purple fur.
“What?” Trixie blinked. Then she caught herself when she saw Twilight’s expression of despair. “No! Goodness, no! I wouldn’t-... You think I’d actually-... Octavia, back me up here!”
“We’re not making you choose between the band and your crush,” Octavia said calmly and rolled her eyes. “Trixie’s an idiot, but she’s not stupid or evil enough to ask for something this cruel.”
“Thank you,” Trixie said before frowning for a second as she reviewed that sentence. “Nopony wants to interfere with your private life, Twilight. Rarity is clearly important to you, and we respect that. If you want to prance with her through the fields and tear off each other’s cloth-”
Octavia coughed.
Trixie grinned sheepishly. “Anyway. You go and have fun. But... we reason that the band is also still important to you, so we want you to get your priorities sorted out, okay?”
Twilight desperately tried to banish the mental image of her and Rarity engaging in illicit activities on a field in the middle of nowhere. She probably wears silk stockings, her imagination chimed in, making her inhale sharply. “Band life comes first, at least until we got some time to breathe,” she quickly confirmed with her best poker face. She might ask you to pull them down with your teeth.
“Very good. Now, that’s the no-brainer basics. As for my actual price...” Trixie steepled her fingers, and Twilight’s imagination was shoved out of the way by her trepidation. “Can you imagine what I would ask of you? I’ll give you a hint, it’s something I’ve been wanting for a long, long time.”
“No idea, sorry,” she replied before her imagination had a chance to feed her a horribly wrong and indecent answer inspired by her current thoughts regarding fields and silk stockings.
“I want you to think of a better nickname than ‘Trish Trash.’” Trixie crossed her arms.
...what? Twilight blinked. “B-but-...”
“No! That’s non-negotiable.” Trixie stomped her hoof for emphasis. “It’s an insulting, demeaning name, and its use will end today.”
“Well, I only call you that when you do or say something stupid, so that is sort of the point. Besides, it’s an alliteration and a play on ‘Trixie,’ so I don’t-”
“Very well!” The guitarist turned around with enough momentum to slap Twilight with her mane. “Begone then! You are hereby banished from the Villian Court!”
Always the dramatic showmare... Well, fine, I’ll play your game... “Great!” Twilight proclaimed in an exaggerated, haughty tone. “I was getting tired of this band, anyway! I will go and make a new band! A better one! With hookers and blackjack!”
Trixie turned around again, mostly just to show Twilight her best sneer. “Oh, really? Well, you’re going to be disappointed because, unlike me, prostitutes have standards!” It was a fierce battle to see who would laugh first, but after long seconds, Trixie lost. “Oh, come here, you big dork!” she said between giggles and pulled her friend into a hug.
Twilight grinned and returned the gesture, making the shorter mare struggle for breath. “Thanks for the wake-up call, Trixie. I owe you.”
“It’s fine,” the guitarist wheezed and finally managed to pull herself free. “I got to see your dumb face after throwing you out of the band, that’s enough of a reward for me.”
“Plus the nickname blackmail,” Twilight pointed out.
“Exactly. So I take it we have a deal?”
“Yes, yes,” Twilight said and placed her right hand over her heart, “I swear I’ll stop using the old name and think of a better one.”
Trixie grinned victoriously. “All in favor?”
“Aye!” the remaining members of Villian Court said as one.
Twilight looked at her friends and smiled widely. Then her smile froze when she realized that she saw four hands up in the air instead of three. “Uh, why did Vinyl raise her hand?” she asked slowly, trying her best not to make it sound condescending.
Everypony turned to face the blue-maned mare who was sitting on the couch next to Big Macintosh. Vinyl Scratch blinked.
“Oh, right, my bad.” Trixie pointed at the whiteboard again. “Since she was your replacement as lead singer, she gained voting power after we threw you out.”
Twilight didn’t bother to hide her bewilderment as she stared first at Trixie, then Octavia. “You made Vinyl the new lead singer? Vinyl Scratch? Your marefriend?”
“I swear I will slap you if you accuse me of nepotism,” Octavia flatly warned her.
“You were going to make her the lead singer?” Twilight asked again, ignoring the cellist’s objection.
“She admittedly doesn’t have much singing experience, but-”
“You were going to make the mute girl your new lead singer?”
There was a moment of stunned silence. Vinyl and Octavia exchanged puzzled glances. Trixie frowned briefly before suddenly deciding that she needed to read through the warning labels of the whiteboard marker right now. The Apple siblings just glanced at each other before shrugging, as if agreeing that they weren’t going to get involved in this particular idiocy.
“Okay,” Twilight finally conceded, “maybe that was... what’s the word... ableist? And I apologize for any perceived discrimination, and Vinyl’s a great person and all that, but surely we can agree that a mute pony will have trouble filling the role-”
“Vinyl’s not mute, you multicolored muppet,” Octavia interrupted her, sounding equal parts annoyed and incredulous.
“Yes, she is!” Twilight said, barely hiding her own annoyance - she hated being contradicted, especially when it came to things she was sure of. In all fairness, shouldn’t Octavia know this better than you? her voice of reason carefully asked, only to be shoved aside by her righteous anger.
“No, I’m not,” Vinyl said.
“YES, YOU ARE!” Twilight snapped, then froze. “...wait, what?”
“Is it too late to revise my vote?” Octavia asked, though her hint of a smirk suggested that she wasn’t entirely serious.
“You... can talk?” Twilight asked, painfully aware of how stupid she was sounding.
Vinyl eyed her over the narrow, purple-tinted lenses of her half glasses. Combined with her dark purple shirt, which seemed to come straight from some sort of Renaissance Faire, she looked like some sort of hippie witch. “It’s depressing that you’re supposedly the smart one in this band,” she muttered.
...okay, I liked her better when she wasn’t talking. Twilight gestured back and forth. “But... I thought you were mute!”
“Just because I don’t talk your ear off doesn’t-”
“Trixie told me so! She told me you had this tragic accident five years ago when-...” Her voice trailed off. “Oh, no...” Slowly, she turned towards her friend, who was studying the marker in her hands with all her might. “You lied to me,” she whispered.
“The Great and Powerful Trixie may have constructed what those in the business refer to as ‘a narrative,’” Trixie quietly told the marker, unwilling to look up.
“A narrative?” Twilight glanced over at Vinyl and Octavia. The latter was looking unsure just how badly Trixie had screwed up, but she seemed to be willing to err on the side of a healthy beating. Vinyl just seemed vaguely amused. “You mean a narrative like that one time you tried to convince our fanbase that I had a rare disease where I was going to die if I used magic more than a hundred times in my lifetime?”
“The Great and Powerful Trixie wanted to cast you in a sympathetic light and raise awareness of this rare and-”
“FOR THE LOVE OF-...” Twilight barely stopped herself from grabbing the other unicorn and tossing her through a window. “TRIXIE, YOU-”
“WHO’S UP FOR COFFEE?” Everypony turned towards Applejack, who was leaning in the doorway, twirling her keychain around her index finger like an old-timey Western gunslinger. The younger Apple sibling flicked her trademark hat up, revealing a smile and a look that dared anypony to disagree with her.
“AJ, this seriously isn’t the time. I know you mean well and want to stop us from needlessly fighting, but this is a screw-up that needs to be dealt with. Violently, maybe.”
“Yeah,” Octavia agreed with Twilight, “we can worry about beverages after burying Trixie’s remains.”
“Also, we got practice once we’re done here,” Big Macintosh pointed out. “Though heaven knows if we’ll actually manage to focus enough for that...”
“Oh, right, right,” Applejack conceded and nodded slowly. “Well, y’all have fun then, but I’m gonna grab a coffee.” She jingled her car keys before leaving the meeting room. “Seeya!”
“See you,” Twilight muttered. “Now, Trixie, we need to-”
“May I point out two things?” the accused party interrupted her, looking her in the eyes for the first time since Twilight had realized that she had learned Equestrian Sign Language for nothing. When no protest came, she grinned sheepishly. “Okay, first of all, I want to say that I’m, like, super sorry that you fell for this. If I had known, I would’ve told you earlier.”
Twilight briefly considered pointing out that Trixie hadn’t actually apologized for lying to her, but then decided to take any small concession she could. “Aaand secondly?” she asked.
“Well, the second thing is that our designated driver just clocked out while we all are at least fifteen miles away from our respective-”
“APPLEJACK!” Twilight shouted before Trixie could even finish her sentence. “WAIT!” She burst through the door... and almost ran into the former farmer, who had been waiting right on the other side.
“So, ya gonna join me for a coffee and some unwinding after all?” Applejack asked, smiling mischievously. “Y’all are gonna love the place I got in mind.”
“Wait, that is why you always kept waving at me?” Vinyl asked and laughed. “I thought you kept having some sort of seizure!”
“I always wondered why you never signed back at me! I feel like such an idiot! We met how long ago? And this somehow never came up?” Twilight leaned back as far as she could and laughed. Applejack’s van wasn’t exactly spacious - especially not when six ponies were inside it - but it was a lot better than the hatchback from the band’s earliest days.
“Well, you’ve usually been too busy to chat for long,” Vinyl diplomatically said.
“I suppose so, yeah...” Now that most of the tension had been removed, she felt fairly at ease again. Vinyl’s words did make her think, but she wasn’t quite in the right mood to embrace the conclusion her brain was steering towards yet. We can do this. We’ll manage. She smiled. We’re friends.
“Speaking of signs,” Trixie said slowly, “could you tell Octavia that I may not know sign language, but I do recognize all the rude gestures she’s been making?”
We’re friends, and friends aren’t going to toss a friend out of the van at thirty miles per hour, no matter how much she deserves it, Twilight reminded herself and chuckled at the mental image.
“Keep it down with the gestures an’ stuff!” Applejack snapped playfully from the driver’s seat before slowing down to park the car. “Ah want y’all on yer best behavior from here on! If y’all get me kicked outta this place, ya can take a cab to the band battle!”
“Fine, we promise!” Twilight replied and turned her head to the side to see just what place her friend had dragged them to. She raised an eyebrow at the large sign over the door of the pastel-colored house. “Cake & Cake?” Then she squinted when she saw two other, smaller signs that had literally been stapled to the lower right corner of the big one. “Cake & Cake & Pie & Cake & Cake?”
“Gee, I wonder what we can buy here...” Octavia snorted.
“Those are the names of the cafe’s owners,” Applejack pointed out patiently and opened her door to get out of the van. “Well, three owners an’ the Cake’s kids, technically, but once Pinkie got started with the signs, there was no stoppin’ her.”
“Pinkie?” Octavia asked.
“Pinkie Pie.” Applejack pointed at the sign again.
Twilight frowned for a second before blinking. “Wait, is she that Pinkie? The one you mentioned here and there during our gym workouts?”
“Yeah, that’s the one. The one I kept pesterin’ you to visit!”
“I remember!” She lowered her eyes. “I was... just... busy...”
“That sounds like Twilight,” Big Macintosh chimed in from behind them. “Always the workaholic.”
“It sure does,” Applejack agreed. “And Pinkie’s a lot like that, too.” She frowned. “...I should get some unemployed friends to hang out with when y’all are busy.”
“Or you could get a job,” Twilight offered and quickly side-stepped the punch aimed at her shoulder.
“Ah get to babysit y’all, that’s a full-time job if ah’ve ever seen one!” Applejack added a quick kick - which Twilight barely managed to dodge, too - for good measure. “Now get in before I change my mind!”
“Uh, right, about that,” Octavia said when she got through the door. “Anypony got alternatives?”
Twilight gawked. The cafe was slightly larger than she had imagined after seeing the rather unassuming front, but it was also a lot more crowded than she had feared. Maybe AJ can squeeze in somewhere to hang out with this Pinkie Pie. The rest of us... are there any bars nearby, maybe?
“Eh, there’s prolly some space in the back.” Applejack was sounding unimpressed. “Let’s get a second opinion. PINKIE?”
Twilight was about to give Applejack a look of disbelief when something pink tackled her friend with full force. “WHAT THE-”
“APPLEJACK! HIIIIIII!” the pink pony screamed even as both of them stumbled to the ground. She looked a bit as if a cotton candy machine had exploded all over her just minutes ago, but after some squinting, Twilight realized that she was looking at a very poofy, pink mane and tail. “How’ve you been? Wanna get the usual?” She jumped to her hooves and held out a hand.
“Actually, Pinkie,” Applejack said as she let the pink pony help her up, “I got some company tod-HEY!”
Pinkie Pie whirled around, ignoring the fact that letting go of Applejack caused the latter to crash back to the ground. “Oh my gosh, these are your FRIENDS!?” she exclaimed, a manic grin rapidly forming on her face. “I never thought I’d see the day when you finally bring your friends along I actually kinda thought you were making them up just to look hip and cool but look at you guys you’re real and you’ve come here and this is SO AWESOME!” she somehow rambled without once pausing to breathe.
“You wouldn’t happen to have a table for all of us?” Applejack was clearly more used to the crazy energy levels of her fellow Earth pony. She simply dusted off her pants and shirt after getting back up as if nothing special had happened and gave her a casual smile.
Pinkie Pie seemed to mull it over. Twilight couldn’t tell if it was an act or not, and that made her mildly nervous; she usually prided herself with being able to read ponies quickly. “Well, we’re already using eighteen out of our regular seven tables, so seating another six ponies is going to be tricky...”
The math here doesn’t check out on multiple levels... Twilight quickly glanced over at Octavia and the others for silent confirmation. “I see,” she said while turning back to their host, “we can come back anoth-...”
Pinkie Pie was nowhere to be seen.
“Yeah, she makes greased lightnin’ look like jus’ grease,” Applejack confirmed, seemingly unfazed by the vanishing act. “While we’re waitin’, why not take a quick bite?” She held up six cake pops.
Twilight squinted at the little cakes. “Where... did you get those? Is this some sort of sleight of hand trick?”
“Nah, Pinkie gave ‘em to me.” When Twilight’s squint turned into a deep frown, the Earth pony chuckled. “Oh, this is gonna be so much fun...“
As much as Twilight wanted to question the timing, logic and general plausibility of what was going on, she had to admit that the cake pops looked delicious. “I think I’ll have one, act-”
“FOUND ONE!” Pinkie Pie shouted, having materialized next to Twilight in the blink of an eye. She was holding a large table over her head with no apparent effort - and terrible lifting posture, as Twilight silently noted - and gave them a wide grin. Then she looked at Applejack’s outstretched hand. “Ohh, you should totally try these!” She let go of the table with one hand, grabbed one of the cake pops and stuffed it in Twilight’s mouth. By the time gravity caught on to what she was doing, she had already placed her hand back under the wobbling table. “C’mon, let’s find you guys a nice place!”
They followed the manic pony at a measured pace. Unlike Pinkie Pie, who was able to dash through the crowded room either thanks to experience or some sort of unknown magic, the band members actually had to be careful not to bump into patrons. “She is... certainly energetic,” Twilight finally said, keeping her voice low enough to only Applejack could hear her. “Never seen a pony this fast and... er... hyper...”
“Ha!” Applejack gave her a smirk. “Ya know how some ponies run on sugar? The kinda folks who can never hold still an’ stuff?”
Twilight frowned lightly. “Yeah, but even for a pony high on sugar, this-”
“No, no, Pinkie Pie doesn’t run on sugar.”
“But you just said-...” She stopped when she saw Applejack’s knowing grin.
“Pinkie Pie doesn’t run on sugar,” the Earth pony repeated. “Sugar runs on Pinkie Pie.”
Twilight blinked slowly and gave her friend a look of disbelief. However, just when she wanted to question that assertion, Pinkie Pie cheered.
“Great, thanks so much for letting my friends squeeze in!” She shouted in what Twilight feared was her indoor voice. She was still holding the table above her head and was looking at a gap between two groups sitting at their respective tables. A gap that was about three inches wide. “Juuust let me put thiiis-”
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Twilight muttered.
“-HERE!” And with that, Pinkie slammed the table down into the gap.
Twilight flinched. When she didn’t hear any screams of anguish, she dared to look. “You’ve got to be kidding me!” The table was standing between the two groups of ponies, except that the gap between them had somehow widened considerably. And Pinkie Pie was already placing chairs at the table, not bothering to consider the fact that there had been no free chairs anywhere nearby five seconds ago. “How...?” She looked around, trying to find spots in the room where ponies were crowded together, where gaps had been closed. But for all intents and purposes, all tables were still evenly spaced, and nopony looked as if they had had to move.
“Thanks, Pinkie, you’re the best,” Applejack merely said, ignoring Twilight’s increasingly desperate sounds of confusion. “Why don’t I introduce y’all while we’re gettin’ settled in?” She waited a few moments until her band friends had arrived at the table. “Everypony, this is Pinkie Pie, co-owner of this cozy corner of Canterlot. We’ve been friends since we met way back at Minuette University.”
Trixie nearly choked on her cake pop. “You’ve been to Minuette?” She shook her head in disbelief. “You? As what? Bouncer? Or may-MFFF?”
Big Macintosh brought his face closer to Trixie’s, his right hand still clamping her muzzle shut. “What did I say during our second meeting?” he asked calmly. “You can talk smack about me all day long, but you run your mouth about my sisters, my grandma or my dog, and I will break your face.”
“Come on, big guy,” Applejack groaned and smacked his back. A pony other than Applejack likely would have broken her hand. A pony other than Big Macintosh likely would have required three days of rest at the nearest ICU. “Ah can defend m’self jus’ fine.” She took a deep breath, probably having realized that her drawl was becoming more noticeable again - a clear sign that she was more agitated than she was letting on. “Besides, it’s not like I go around, wavin’ my Masters of Economics around all day.”
“You studied economics?” Trixie asked when Big Macintosh finally let go. “How has this never come up?”
“How’d you never realize I’ve been doin’ yer finances since basically forever?” Applejack shrugged. “Also, I was supposed to take over the family business - at least until Applebloom proved to be even more enthusiastic for this kinda thing - so of course I had to learn my way around numbers and finances...”
“She-...” Trixie stopped to compose herself. “We have an accountant?”
Twilight couldn’t help but grin. Suddenly, her assumption about Vinyl being mute didn’t look quite as stupid anymore. “Of course we have-”
“And it’s Applejack?” Trixie was clearly on a roll now. “The girl who can’t even figure out how many words are supposed to be in ’you all’ is handling our money?”
It was a classic setup for a confrontation: Trixie’s big mouth versus Applejack’s pride and stubbornness was preprogrammed entertainment for hours. This time, however, it was cut short: “Ohhh, you must be Trixie!” Pinkie Pie was suddenly standing between the two, looking positively excited.
Trixie’s exasperation was immediately brushed aside. If anything made her forget about an argument, a bad mood or virtually anything else, it was recognition and flattery. “Why yes, it is I, the Great and Powerful Trixie!” she announced majestically and flicked her mane over her shoulder, barely missing Twilight’s face. “Was it my good looks or superior diction that tipped you off?”
Pinkie just giggled. “Applejack told me all about you! You’re the one she loves to bicker with! She really holds you in high regard and would be super bummed out if you one day stopped poking her buttons!”
“Did she-” Trixie gawked at Applejack, who smiled back in a slightly awkward way. “Wow, Applejack, that sounds so unlike you, but I am... touched that-”
“She also thinks that you’d make funny noises if she stuffed you upside-down into a woodchipper.”
“...yes, that sounds much more like her,” Trixie said and rolled her eyes at the former farmer, who was grinning ear to ear now. “Dork.”
“And you must be Octavia!” Pinkie was bouncing from band member to band member now.
“Pleasure to meet you,” the cellist replied politely and offered her hand.
Pinkie shook it with enough enthusiasm that Twilight idly worried about broken fingers. “You’re even classier than AJ told me, and you’re not even wearing that dress that she keeps getting jealous abou-”
“Pinkie!” Applejack yelped, causing some of her friends to giggle and others to outright snicker.
“I should’ve known,” Trixie immediately teased her, “that the dark secret of our always-practical, no-fuss tough mare would be... a dress!”
“Well, I do declare,” Octavia said in her best, exaggerated drawl, “our young Miss Jack is actually a darling Southern belle!”
“Is that why you have been practicin’ those parasol twirls at home?” Big Macintosh asked, grinning in a way that was reserved for big brothers teasing their little sisters.
Applejack let out a low snort that made the fur on the back of Twilight’s neck stand on end. “Oh, y’all are gun’ get some Southern hospitality right up ya-”
Twilight just barely managed to press herself against the bulky mare and wrap her arms around her. It was a futile gesture as, daily workouts or not, Twilight was still just a unicorn while Applejack was one of the strongest Earth ponies in a hundred mile radius. Still, it was a gesture among friends, and she could feel her backing down a little bit. “Come on, AJ, don’t give them the satisfaction! Also, we’re not going to find two new band members before the band battle, so let’s not break them just yet, okay?”
“Besides, that would be rather uncouth, young lady.” Trixie’s grin lasted just until Applejack took a menacing step in her direction, pushing Twilight along as if she wasn’t even there.
Pinkie Pie’s giggle made both bulky mares freeze. “Hahaha, you two!” She ruffled Applejack’s mane before giving Twilight’s left biceps an experimental squeeze. “Ohhhh, you must be Twilight! The only unicorn Applejack can’t squeeze into a soda can!”
“She hasn’t given me reason to try... yet,” Applejack snorted, but it was almost entirely in jest. Probably.
“Aw, you!” Pinkie ruffled her friend’s mane again before effortlessly dragging her onto one of the chairs.
Twilight glanced at the circle of seats before giving Vinyl a too-wide smile. “Right. Vinyl, why don’t you sit there,” she said and pointed at the seat on Applejack’s left side, “while I sit here?” She pointed at the seat on the right side.
Vinyl eyed Applejack nervously. “If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather sit-”
“I’m not going to risk any of these jokers sitting within grabbing distance,” Twilight clarified, dropping the act. “So you and I are on crumple zone duty.”
“But I crumple way faster than you!” Vinyl whined.
“Do it for your marefriend.”
“I already gave up my job for her, that ought to be enough for a while!”
Twilight blinked before leaning forwards, shoving Applejack face-first onto the table. “Wait, hold on. Are you saying that that part’s true? You were with the Royal Canterlot Orchestra?”
“Well, yes. I was the Assistant Conductor until...” Vinyl gestured lamely. Octavia merely looked down at the table.
Holy cow. That’s one massive job opportunity to just give up for love. There are ponies out there who would legitimately murder for a chance to be the next conductor of the RCO, and she just gave it up out of loyalty because Octavia had had a falling-out with them and left!? Twilight gave her a warm smile. “Octavia’s one lucky mare.” Then she turned around. Trixie, just like Octavia, was looking at the table. “You have this epic love story to work with, and you make up a story about her being mute?”
“The Great and Powerful Trixie reasoned that disabilities sell better,” Trixie whispered, looking embarrassed for a change.
“Right, I guess I’ll be crumple zone for Trixie then,” Big Macintosh muttered and pulled the guitarist out of the way before Twilight had the chance of inducing any disabilities in her. Of course, this meant that Trixie was now seated next to Octavia, who gave her shoulder a sharp slap, albeit not a crippling one.
Twilight watched as Pinkie exchanged short pleasantries with Vinyl and a knowing fist bump with Big Macintosh before leaving a few menus at the table and getting out their way. She smiled lazily at the gathered round - it had been a long time since they had just hung out like this. In fact, the last time had probably been shortly after the band’s formation. Have I been pushing them too hard? She frowned lightly. Yeah, maybe there’s been too much work and too little play. That’s prolly why I never even found the time to properly interact with Vinyl. Or visit this place. Or tell Trixie that AJ’s the sole reason why her spending sprees haven’t bankrupted us yet. Oof - at this rate, I’m Trixie’s long-lost sister, and we only don’t know it yet because I was too busy handling band logistics. Her brain nearly managed to point out that having a proper manager would free up her schedule considerably, but that thought was immediately tossed into a tiny cell way at the back of her mind. No. Not her. Zip it. This band is mine, not hers.
The first round of beverages made everypony who wasn’t a member of the Apple family gawk. “I’m no expert, but I don’t think a latte macchiato is supposed to bubble like that...” Trixie lightly nudged her mug, only to retreat hastily when it made a fizzing sound.
“I... may have gotten a wee bit sidetracked with the orders,” Pinkie admitted with a sorry-not-sorry grin, “but you should totally give them a try!”
“Yeah, c’mon!” Twilight jeered while silently trying to puzzle out why her supposedly regular coffee was giving off a green glow.
“I think the honor of the first sip should go to our dear band leader,” Vinyl suddenly chimed in. Octavia and Trixie were quick to agree.
I really liked you better as a mute, Twilight thought and shot her a dirty look. Vinyl just grinned and tried to ignore her own, wildly foaming mug. “Sure, why not,” she finally said, trying to sound enthusiastic. “To the best friends a pony could ever wish for.” She paused before smirking. “And to Vinyl, too.” Applejack’s dope slap nearly sent her face-first onto the table top, but she recovered quickly enough. “Cheers!” And with that, Twilight took a big gulp before her brain could process that she was about to drink something that looked like waste from a nuclear reactor. “Mhh!?” She blinked and tried to make sense of the minty-fresh party that had just been kicked off in her mouth.
“Eh? Ehhh?” Pinkie Pie was giving her an expectant grin.
“MHHH!” Twilight frantically waved her free hand.
“Just as a quick heads-up,” Vinyl told nopony in particular, “I can’t actually sing, so if she dies, don’t expect me to-”
“Oh, WOW!” Twilight finally managed after swallowing all of it. “Thish shtuff ish aweshome!” She blinked. Her tongue felt slightly numb. Huh. She shrugged and took another sip. Totally worth it!
“To friendship!” Applejack raised her own mug, and the others quickly joined her.
Twilight leaned back as the others went through similar experiences of caffeinated bliss. Pinkie was obviously delighted by this - praise for one’s hard work always caused a certain giddiness, no matter the kind of work.
A second round was quickly followed by a third, with cake orders thrown in for good measure. The baked offerings of this cafe were less experimental than the beverages, but also of the highest quality. It was only after the third round that Twilight felt relaxed enough to reach into her bag.
“Oh come on,” Trixie complained even before Twilight had pulled her notebook fully free.
“Goodness, have some mercy,” Octavia pleaded, “some ponies at the other tables are still eating!”
“What’s wrong?” Vinyl asked. “Let her doodle some more ‘I wuv Rarity’ sketches if she feels like it...”
Trixie sighed even while Twilight glared at Vinyl. “That’s not that notebook,” she said. “This is the notebook Twilight uses to brainstorm song lyrics.” Another sigh. “Go ahead. Ask.”
“I... thought you write all the lyrics for the band...?”
Octavia grinned, but there was no joy behind it. “She does. And you’re about to see why that is so.”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Heckle me all you want, but I got a good feeling this time.”
“Ah well, it’s been nice bein’ a welcome guest here,” Applejack muttered, earning herself a playful punch on the shoulder.
Twilight opened her notebook, readied her pen and closed her eyes. Each deep breath helped her tune out the silly insults, and she felt her muse cracking her knuckles. “Let’s go with a song about... friendship,” she finally said and opened her eyes again and gave her friends a warm smile.
The Apple siblings were exchanging defeated looks. Trixie and Octavia were praying for a quick death. Only Vinyl, her new best friend, was returning the smile.
She put her pen on the empty page. “I’ve ...been...” Her muse was trying to put her emotional turmoil into words. The melody was in her head, but... “I’ve been... hearing storms.” Yes! Killer opening line!
“See?” Vinyl whispered. “This is nice!” Next to her, Octavia was still bracing for the worst.
“I’ve been hearing storms,” Twilight repeated and hummed a short melody. “I... don’t...” A pause. “I don’t like your turmoils...?” She frowned. No, that’s too sappy. Too predictable. Right?” She gave Trixie a short look. “Right,” she answered her own question without even waiting for a snarky reply.
“Maybe stick to the weather theme?” Vinyl suggested.
“Don’t encourage her,” Octavia muttered.
“I’ve been hearing storms!” Twilight was almost singing the line by now, the melody taking shape in her mind as she went along. “Baby’s got... no... meteorologists!” Yes! She beamed.
Vinyl was looking completely aghast.
“Tooold you,” Octavia whispered.
“Too flashy!” a patron behind her hissed, and Twilight wasn’t entirely sure if she meant the line or something else.
Didn’t she whine and rant before? I wasn’t fully paying attention... She refused to take the bait and turn around. “Fine, everypony’s a critic nowadays,” she muttered before clicking her pen a few times and taking a deep breath. “I’ve been hearing storms!” Don’t choke now! Don’t prove them right! You can do this! “I need-”
“Too wild!” The patron behind her possibly had a medical condition that rendered her incapable of appreciating art.
“I need... an eternal...” She was losing her grasp on this song; she was feeling it.
“Overhyped piece of trash!”
“I need an eternal...” Deep breaths, Twilight. Ignore the deranged pony. “I need an eternal... triangle...” She frowned. Deeply.
“You call this art!?”
Okay, that’s it! Her handwriting was turning into an ugly mess. “I need an eternal! Triangle! Entente cordiale!” Wait, where was I going with this line, anyway?
“And BY THE MAKERS, WHAT’S WITH THESE ATROCIOUS LYRICS!?” The pony behind Twilight got up so abruptly that her chair fell over.
In all fairness, she’s right, you know? her rational side chimed in even as Twilight was getting up herself. What’s an eternal triangle entente cordiale, anyw- “OH BITE MY FUZZY, MAGICAL-...”
The pony in front of her was a few inches shorter than her, which wasn’t unusual. Perfectly white fur and a curly indigo mane framed two deep blue eyes, and Twilight had to admit that the unicorn in front of her was... beautiful. Beautiful despite her angry scowl. Beautiful despite the tear-smudged makeup under her eyes. Just... beautiful. Perfectly beautiful.
It would have been love on first sight... except that it was not.
Because Twilight had already fallen in love with her.
Because this was their second meeting.
Because this was Rarity, the mysterious beauty who had dominated her thoughts for the last few weeks. One of two ponies in this country she truly wanted to impress. And I rambled about something something eternal triangle entente cordiale. And she had been been crying even before I tortured her with my lyrics. That’s what she must’ve been talking about before! She wasn’t commenting on the lyrics, but I took it personally instead of showing some compassion. Argh, I’m an idiot! A low whine was starting to form in her throat, but then she realized something: her dawning look of horror was perfectly mirrored in Rarity’s eyes.
“Oh, no,” Rarity whispered and slowly started to shake her head. “Oh, please, no...”
Okay, Twilight, don’t panic! You can still defuse this! You just need to find the right words! “R-Rarity, I-”
The shorter mare let out a high-pitched shriek before covering her mouth. “Oh no, no, no, she recognized me!”
Sooo... maybe those weren’t the right words.
“She recognized me!” Rarity spiraled into a panic attack with an almost admirable efficiency. “And I just insulted her lyrics! Her! Lyrics!” She waved from her to Twilight while giving a seemingly random patron a look of despair. “Oh what a world!”
“Actuall-”
“And here I was hoping, praying for a second meeting!” Rarity was lost in her own world by now. “But not like this! Not on a day that already couldn’t have gotten any worse! Which it then did!” She absentmindedly took a sip from her multi-colored beverage. It struck Twilight as slightly surreal how she managed to smuggle calm and collected moments into her panic attack. “And now she hates me! Surely she does. Absolutely. I’d hate me. Would you hate me, darling?” She groaned when the uninvolved patron shrugged helplessly. “I knew it! Ohhhhhhh, I knew it!” She was swooning in random directions now, covering her eyes with the back of her hand, as if fainting. “This! Is! The! Worst! Day! EVER!”
Twilight gave Applejack a sideways look before realizing that all of her friends were watching the scene with slightly amused, or at least entertained, expressions. Trixie was munching popcorn. Popcorn isn’t even on the menu! How did she- Stop it! Focus!
“I have to move!” Rarity had clearly taken things to the next level. “Somewhere where she won’t find me. But what if she goes on tour? Ohhh, clearly, I have to become a nomad!”
A nomad? Twilight was too confused to consider laughing at the suggestion. “Would you-”
“Not sure if it’s too early for a revival of the colorful, layered style.” Rarity snapped her fingers and shook her head. “This is the worst time to become a nomad, really.” Then she paused and frowned. “Hold on, was I doing a monologue or a solo-... soliqui-...”
“Soliloquy,” Twilight filled in the blank automatically.
“Oh, thank goodness!” Rarity laughed quietly. “For a moment I was worried that-...” She froze. “Hold on. Pardon me? If I was-”
“No, you were doing a monologue since we all could hear you,” Twilight corrected her without even realizing what she was doing, “but the word you were looking for was-”
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Rarity’s scream caught half the cafe unawares despite the earlier meltdown. “I CAN NEVER SHOW MY FACE IN PUBLIC EVER AGAIN!” This time, Twilight couldn’t even try to say something. “GOODBYE, OH CRUEL WORLD, FOR I MUST BECOME A HERMIT, SHUNNED BY SOCIETY!”
And with that, she turned around and ran neatly between the arranged tables, straight towards and then through the door, narrating her own escape between hysteric sobs.
Twilight blinked slowly. “Okay, what-”
The sound of tires screeching and a car horn blaring made her heart skip half a dozen beats.
Then, after half a second that felt like an eternity: “WATCH WHERE YOU’RE GOING, YOU PHILISTINE! I AM TRYING TO HAVE A MOMENT OF DESPAIR HERE!” A pause, then the hysteric crying resumed as if nothing had happened.
The patrons stared at the door. Then, as one, they slowly turned back around to give Twilight an utterly confused look.
“Right,” Twilight heard herself say and gave the thin air in front of her a vapid smile. “If anypony needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom, having a nervous breakdown.”
“...okay, you were right,” Vinyl whispered when she was almost out of earshot, “I’m starting to see why Trixie does the lyrics.”
Twilight just laughed madly and slammed the bathroom door shut behind her.