“Alright, let’s get this over with,” Rainbow inhaled and shouted, “Rarity? I’m here, where are you?”
Her ears swiveled and fabric rustles in a nonexistent wind that blew through her mane, and the mane of the suit she was wearing. She wasn’t prepared to be attack from above and swung around when she hit the floor, a short struggle ensued and Rainbow felt like she was losing a couple times, the suit getting in the way at the worst times.
She finally flapped her wings and created a gust of wind that blew everything, from dresses to plastic models, away from her. She stood muzzle to muzzle with herself, only with blue eyes and a very curled/coiffed mane. “Darling?!” Her voice came out of her doppleganger’s mouth with the heavy haughty accent Rarity used.
Rainbow took a step back from herself and cringed. “Buh?”
“Oh, psh-aw, we needn’t spend time with such trivalities as our backgrounds. My name is Rainbow Rarity and this,” he opened her wings and smiled a winning smile, “is moi boutique! Where everything is chique, unique, un magnifique. This dress I’m wearing,” she turned aside and showed a slender, form fitting black dress that hugged her body, “is one of my latest tre magnifique masterpieces. As you can see, black truly goes with everything as it simply makes my coat shine, where fabric meets fur neither mare nor stallion can, nor should they want to tell where they truly blend into one another. It’s formed to fit and doesn’t hinder the movement of my wings nor does it interfere with my aerodynamics, and where it widens and arches over my hindquarters to give freedom of movement is simply devine.
“Overall, it feels like wearing a lover that hugs you tightly and won’t let you go,” she flapped and hovered while Rainbow sneered at her other self, “oh, to be held like this is certainly like having an affair of the body, but neigh the heart,” she extended her forelegs to the side and slowly landed, opened her eyes and looking Rainbow over.
“Rarity?”
“Oh, I prefer Rainbow Rarity, or RR,” she rolled her eyes snidely, “as some have come to call me. And what, might I ask, are you wearing?”
“A stuffed bodysuit that looks like my friend’s doll.”
RR tutted and shook her head, “no, dear. I don’t kink shame and your fetishes are yours to do with as you please, however the dress, if you can call it that, is anything but goche, at best. You have come to the best boutique for the best dresses for the best ponies, and I’m here to make you and your,” she looked Rainbow over, “choice of outerwear shine.”
“Woah, this is too freaky. I don’t want anything to do with this dress, bodysuit, or weirdo version of me, I just want my friend back.”
RR flew around Rainbow in a rainbow colored blur and picked her up, carrying her to a showroom pedestal where she was gently set down and measuring tape quickly began tracing across her body. “Yes, and when you find your friend you’ll be the talk of her week,” she flew into Rainbow’s sight and winked, “or is it a he?” She blinked at the expression that Rainbow made. “Or she… I don’t judge when it comes to love, only couture; and you need something your special somepony will remember for days.”
Rainbow opened her wings to fly away, only to be stopped when measuring tape was pressed to the base of her wing and sent her into a brief giggle fit. “Hey, I don’t have or want a special somepony.”
“Ah, marvelous! Hitting the town and looking one’s best is a must in all occasions, why, this one time I was at a small gala where the models were the best dressed, it was simply a nightmare. Well, best dressed save for moi,” she tittered in a soft voice as she landed behind Rainbow.
Rainbow inhaled sharply and leapt forward into a slow glide. “No pony touches my hooves, not even me. Look,” she tried to bite the dress that dangled outside her view to get it off, “I don’t wear clothes unless I have to,” she grunted while speaking, “and I’m not wearing a dress over this stupid thing. Just find me a white unicorn with gems on her flank and I’ll be out of this,” she looked around as she glided over a table covered with cloth.
“Oh, you mean Dash Belle,” RR chirped and tapped her chin thoughtfully. “I haven’t seen her for a few moons now. Why don’t you land right here and I can fill you in on her latest whereabouts,” RR said more than asked. She tapped a hoof on the floor and turned to follow Rainbow as the mare thought over her options.
Rainbow finally landed and stomped onto the pedastal. “Get me out of this dress,” she said curtly and RR was only too happy to oblige. Rainbow felt the tugging and yanking as it was pulled off her, then finally saw the multicolored dress tossed aside, into a box full of scrapped clothing and torn fabric.
“Now that you’re out of that dreadful-”
“Okay, that’s enough,” Rainbow turned to RR and placed a forehoof on the black dress and RR stepped back with a disgusted look at the hoof, “ugh, don’t start with the drama. Look, I’m just gonna go look around and see if I can find her.”
Rainbow hovered and started to fly away, stopping only when her other self flew in her way and flipped her curled mane. “Well, if you feel you don’t want my services then I feel you should leave and let other customers have their turn,” Rainbow looked around and glared at the spirit of Rarity that had taken over her body.
“There’s nopony even here! Get out of my way,” she shoved the well dressed mare aside and while she tumbled end over end into a ponynequin, Rainbow shot for the stairs and ascended them while a shout of frustration followed her.
She flew up, and up, and up the stairs as they wound in a large spiral, seeming to go on forever. She finally stopped and turned around, flying back down to ask RR about the stairs only to change into a glide, and finally land with a puff of breath. “Great, stuck on stairs. What else can happen?” she covered her mouth with her forehooves, then her forehooves with her wings. She looked side to side, backing up to the wall so she could listen and watch both directions of stairs.
That was when the wall opened and in a green blur of light, she was enveloped in slime. Rainbow scowled and started to swim for an exit, finally poking her head from the onion smelling goop and fell to the floor in a tumble that left her sitting. She turned her head to the side and smacked the other side, she was rewarded with a few drops of green liquid that oozed from her ear and gave her a shiver.
She looked behind her and saw a giant green blob that had what seemed like a smile. She smiled back and waved, to her surprise it waved back. A low blurble and gurgle followed and she introduced herself, asking about Rarity as she went through the motions. It sank into itself and produced a tiara that clattered to the floor, rolling past Rainbow and down what she now realized was a hall reminiscent of the stained glass hall in Canterlot Castle, only with framed poorly drawn caricatures.
“Yeah, that’s her. Total drama queen, unicorn, gems for a mark.”
It formed a smiling head again and sank into itself, producing the unicorn herself. Rarity was on her back and stayed as it slid off of her, save for her hind legs. Rarity gasped for air and coughed a lung full of green slime from her mouth and nose. “Ghuh, positively vile creature, unhoof me or I’ll do something we shall both come to regret,” she offered in an empty threat.
“Rarity! I can’t believe I found you, c’mon, let’s get outta here,” Rainbow grinned at Rarity, who looked at the upside down mare for a couple seconds and grinned back.
“Rainbow! I can’t believe you’re here to save me from this… this… ooze monster,” she pouted and reached to the pegasi, “look what it’s done to my mane and tail, ruined. Absolutely ruined my style and,” she blinked and rolled over, her hind legs crossing while she pushed herself up on her forelegs. “And what in Celestia’s name has it put on you? Garish isn’t strong enough a word.”
“This,” Rainbow gestured to herself in the bodysuit, “was Discord, not that thing,” she pointed at it and softened her gaze when she noticed it seemed sad. It turned away and sank into the floor; to both their surprise it took Rarity with him and they both screamed when she seemed to melt through the marble floor. “Hang on, I’m coming, Rarity.”
She reared and stomped her forehooves on the floor several times, then tried to dig through the marble; it worked as well as one would expect, so she shouted at the scuff marks her hooves had made.
“Hey, quiet down out there, I’m trying to rest,” a voice called to her and she looked around. “To your right and on the wall,” it said when she couldn’t find it and after several spins. “Yeah, pictures that talk, crazy, right? Name’s Minoy Angoy Noy, you wouldn’t happen to have a pencil, do you?”
Rainbow shook her head.
“Figures. The way to follow the Smooze is easy, all you have to do is lose. Take a crown or take some gold, drop it and it will add it to its horde untold. There, I’ve fulfilled my contract with Mickelodeon ™, copyright, all rights reserved and am thus free to offer clues without rhyming.”
“So, can you tell me what that meant?”
“Yes, but I won’t,” it blew a raspberry and returned to a still drawing.
Rainbow looked back to the tiara and shrugged, “Well, here’s something shiny,” she called out, “come and get it. Here Blobby, Blobby, Blobby,” she waited and frowned, growling around the circlet. “Come get your stupid thing and give me back my friend!”
Her voice echoed, but there wasn’t any response. Rainbow stomped the floor and took to the air, flying to the far end of the hall and landing when she saw a very small door. “Wait, seriously? I have to squeeze through that in this,” she tugged at her Smarty Pants costume, put the tiara around her neck because she wasn’t going to look girly, and nickered as she crawled into the doorway.
She managed to get her head through, when her body got stuck and she found the other side of the doorway was polished to a mirror shine, thus removing any grip she could have had. It took her hooves slipping to make her shout in anger and thrash like a foal denied candy in a very busy store. Somewhere, perhaps even Discord was blushing and denying it was his fault while several pairs of eyes glared at him.
Four hooves clacked onto the floor and Rainbow’s ears pointed to the sound before she saw who it was. “Great, it’s you…”
“Oui, tis moi. Fashionista to the stars and… garters what happened to you?” RR asked, her normal voice coming through at the end. “I mean, whatever happened to you, darling, to end up in such a predicament? Hold on, I shall return.”
Rainbow watched as RR flew away at a speed that made her give a half smile. “She’s kinda fast, but I’d still beat her in a race.”
RR returned a second later with a stick of butter and a frown adorning her face. “You think you can beat me in a race?” she laughed loudly, condescendingly, and loudly. “You jest, there’s no pony that’s ever beat me in a fair race.”
“Help me out and I’ll show you what a real race is like.”
“Very well then,” RR unwrapped the butter and rubbed it between her forehooves, then rubbed around the doorframe. “Now for a little tug,” she grabbed the door frame and pulled it up, sizing it into the proper size a door should have been, much to Rainbow’s surprise.
“How’d you do that?” she asked, standing up.
“This is a Discord world. Sometimes what you see isn’t truly what you see. On your marks, get set-”
“Woah, where’re we racing to?”
“Oh, um, how about,” RR’s mane swung in the wake of Rainbow’s contrail and she narrowed her eyes. “Oh, it is on.” She bolted after Rainbow Dash, quickly catching up and passing her with a mocking laugh. “Too slow!”
RR turned a corner that blended into the wall and down a smaller hallway that Rainbow didn’t see until she was past it. She made a turn so sharp her wing joints stung under the strain, but it wasn’t going to stop her. She followed her other’s trail and when it turned up so did she, right into a, thankfully, rounded sconce.
She blinked her eyes open and saw purple flower petals raining down on her; her head throbbed and she sat up from the floor and looked down the hall she was facing. She squinted her eyes as the hall slipped into and out of focus, then turned her head to look behind her down another length of hall.
“That was a cheap trick, I’d never do that,” she winced as she got to three of her hooves, “probably.” She looked at her hoof and was glad she wasn’t bleeding, then flew quickly down the hall she was facing. “RR, I’m coming for you!”
Her voice echoed back to her, only it was a little snide. She knew she was mocking herself and followed the voice to RR, who was leaning against a door inside a small room to her right She landed and glared at the hovering mare. “Hey, glad ta see ya made it. Look, it’s cool if ya just go ahead and admit defeat at my hooves,” RR bragged in Rainbow’s voice.
“What happened to your accent, dork for brains.”
“Nice one, Smart Pants,” RR smiled coyly and even Rainbow had to give her a nod at her joke. “I don’t feel a mare like you deserves to hear me at my best, so here I am at my worst.”
“Ha, that dress is the worst,” Rainbow looked at the dress RR was wearing, “I mean, really? How can you even fly in that thing? It’s so ugly!”
“Ugly?! This’ designed after Spitfire’s dress uniform!” she looked back and admired the stitching she’d done twice to get right, “she’s the captain of the Wonderbolts and has a different,” her curled hair wafted after Rainbow as she took off through the door, into the room, and down a staircase at the back. “Cheater!”
“Takes one to know one,” she shouted back and flew, a floor below, back where she’d come from. RR entered her field of view to quickly pass her again and this time she flew in front of Rainbow and the back of her dress came off, blinding Rainbow and, as luck would have it, managed to get stuck between the tiara on her neck and the button eyes on her bodysuit.
Rainbow screamed as she pulled at the fabric and RR realized she’d made a mistake in her retaliation as Rainbow turned quickly towards a wall. “Hang on, I’ve got ya!”
RR banked and flew back, missing Rainbow by a hair when the mare pulled up slightly on the draft created by RR’s first flyby. Normally it wouldn’t be more than an inconvenience, but this writer doesn’t like cliches, so Rainbow clipped RR’s wing and they both spun wildly in the air, helicopter blade speed until Rainbow bounced off a wall and RR landed on the floor with a loud squeal as the fabric of her once dress but now shirt, dragged her along.
Rainbow landed and pulled the cloth off her face. “Ha, this’ totally too thin, I could see right through it!”
Both mares blushed and blinked at what she’d said and RR’s tail fell while she looked over her shoulder at her brash self. “You didn’t see anything, did you?”
“No, just your stupid tail trying to keep up,” she hovered and stuck out her tongue while RR stood and slipped, both her forehooves losing purchase on the marble floor. She tried to stand, her forelegs finally crossing she fell to the floor and clacked her teeth together so hard it hurt her front set when her chin impacted. Rainbow laughed at the stumbling mare, even as RR opened her wings and yelped when she couldn’t take off.
“You… broke my wing?!”
“That, hotshot, is barely a fracture. I clipped you just right to sprain it, good luck winning, Butter Hooves.”
RR screamed in rage as she tried so very hard to give chase, only to have to watch Rainbow’s form shrink and turn a corner when she crossed a sconce. She smirked and her eyes flashed red on yellow. “Well done, playing unfair in an unfair race. Commendable,” Discord said and vanished in a flash, leaving what was left of the dress shirt on the floor.
Rainbow flew to the blob and saw Rarity floating inside its center, forelegs crossed over her chest and frowning at nothing, simply being indignant. Her eyes widened and she reached toward Rainbow as the Shmooze gave her its attention. “Hey, blubber butt! Trade you this,” she held the tiara up, “for that,” she pointed to Rarity, who promptly frowned at what Rainbow’d said.
It nodded fervently and Rarity slid up its center and out of its mouth, in exchange for the golden circle that it ate in a single bite and hummed approvingly.
Rainbow swooshed in and picked Rarity up, then flew back and away before setting the white mare down. Rarity just stared at Rainbow with unblinking eyes that wandered over her body.
”That doll of Twilight's,” Rarity clapped her hooves together with a swelling of pride that she remembered. “What in Celestia’s name have you gotten yourself into, Rainbow?”
“I made Discord upset, so he's having me go through these tests to find you girls. I've already got Pinkie, Fluttershy, Twilight, and now you.”
“That only leaves our dearest Applejack, but where is she? Shall I accompany you on this adventure?” She bounced her mane only to find it was slick with slime. She inhaled deeply and placed a forehoof to her head, then fell into the floor. “Ouch! Rainbow?!”
“What?”
“You were supposed to catch me, or pull my fainting couch out for me.”
“Does it look like there's a couch in here?”
Rarity looked around the grand hall. “Are we in Canterlot?”
“I dunno, let's just get out of here and-” her ears fell when Rarity screamed, pointing behind Rainbow. The cyan mare managed to see her friend faint, again, before what felt like a thunder cloud fall into her and everything went green.