//------------------------------// // or: How I Stopped Worrying and Love the Bomb // Story: A Story of Love (Among Others) // by TheMareWhoSaysNi //------------------------------// One of the advantages of a school in this area was that many things were within our reach. When we had long breaks between our classes, we could get out of the campus to grab a coffee or do some shopping. It often happened to us on Wednesdays. Most of the time, we made the most of it to have lunch together elsewhere than at the school's canteen, which was often crowed of the same persons we always saw all the time. It felt good to have a small change of scenery and to think about something else than music, though we always came back to music. Today, Pinkie wanted an Equestrian buckwheat pancake with rice pudding. We stopped at a small restaurant with those specialties. It was a very lively place, with a lot of students from other Colleges, and workers of the same area. I chose a pancake with an egg and tons of cheese while Pinkie and the others decided to share a dish of fried pickles. Our conversations were going well. Although we came here to think about something else than music, we couldn't help chatting about it. "The twins" went out to buy magazines and asked us to keep their seats. As I already explained, they were very fond of gossips. But they weren't satisfied with gossips about CAM... They also liked the ones about famous people. They could spend entire days prattling about the latest scandals. They elaborated theories, drew conclusions from hazy little pictures and made them real in their minds. I never understood this passion for he said/she said. All I ever care about is what's going on in the life of the ones I know and love. I never cared about what was on the cover of magazines with celebrity scandals. Each time they started to talk about it, I kept a low profile not to be meddled with this big unpacking of bullsh*t. Bon Bon and Lyra arrived. They were easy to notice with their very high-heel shoes clicking against the floor and because no one speaks that loud. Yeah, not even Pinkie. I like them a lot but they were likely to give me headaches. After they ordred, they started to leaf through one of their magazines and comment about what they found, from the most important piece of imformation to the smallest picture. They were a few dishes away yet I could hear them clearly. I couldn't care less... until one high-pitch cry almost ruined my eardrums. With that special reservation of hers, Pinkie Pie hit Lyra's top head and snatched the magazine off her hands, under Bon Bon's whining. How I'm in love with Pinkie when she's that spontaneous! "Dang, why are you screaming like that? You scared the costumers." Can you smell that fragrance of bad faith floating in the air? Cause I sure did! In reality, the other clients barely looked up when they screamed and immediately resumed eating. "We're sorry, Pinkie but page twenty, there's an enormous revelation... The new actors for the "Greatest Show Off" franchise has been revealed..." "And we're fans," finished Bon Bon. Originally, "The Greatest Show Off" was a series of books telling the story of a bunch of teenagers who discovered they were the last survivors of a natural disaster, which gave them superpowers and tried to look for other survivors. They eventually found some, on another continent but they were parted in four categories, one of them being composed of the wealthiest people trying to dominate the other groups. They all fought against each other. My mother used to read it when she was a teen... Everfree (our equivalent to Hollywood) made its first adaptation of the series when I was born and ever since, they rebooted it endlessly. Against all expectations, Pinkie suddenly seemed to be very interested. She put the magazine between us on the table and looked for page twenty. "The twins" were protesting before getting up to stand beside us, thus missing nothing of the exclusivity. They bothered the waitress bringing our dishes... I smiled and thanked her while everyone, with the exclusion of myself, was monopolized by that magazine. They all commented... Even Big Mac, much to my surprise. I thought he was like me and didn't like modern teenage-centered action flicks much... Pinkie elbowed me as I was starting to eat. "Hey, look at that, Dashie... Does that boy remind you of someone? I'm sure I've already seen this face before." Although I didn't want to take the slightest look at that, I leaned over. My eyes looked for a familiar face... Obviousness didn't strike me immediately but when it did, it wasn't soft at all. I opened my eyes wide, feeling my cheeks burning. No... That couldn' be. And yet, it sounded logical. Drama classes. Auditions. Texts to learn by heart.... Everything fell into place. Yeah, sheer logic. So why couldn't I believe it? I had to made it sure. I snatched the magazine off its spot and stuck the picture to my eyes. Everybody looked at me like I was mad... And maybe I was. Mad. Completely insane. Under the picture, there was a caption saying the actor chosen for the lead role was a newbie who only acted in advertisements as a child and played theater at school before but that he was exceptionally talented. Good in music, good in sports. And his name was printed in black and white. No doubt. It was Soarin. My Soarin. "Oh, sh*t!" I put the magazine back, eyes staring at the emptiness. My limbs were like gum. I couldn't put up with what I saw and read. It felt as if I was in a middle of a bad dream and couldn't wake up at all. Everything around me seemed to be surreal and fleeting. I was feeling oppressed. Pinkie pat my shoulders, worrying. I shook my head and my soul was back in my body. Yet I couldn't get rid of a sensation of awkwardness, like when there's a stupid spelling mistake in my "Daring Doo" books. I roamed through my bag in a hurry and left the counter. My friends acted as if they didn't wonder what the hell was wrong with me but I knew they felt the change. I was unable redress the balance completely so I tried to cloud the issue. "It reminded me that I must absolutely call someone. It's very important." I'd lied as best as I could although I really wanted to call someone. I know Pinkie and the others barely believed me but I couldn't think of a plan B. I had to go step by step and the first one was to unknot the story with the person in question. "I'm coming with you," my best friend offered, ready to get up and follow me. "No! I'm fine on my own. It's going to take two minutes and I'll be back, I promise." I really didn't want Pinkie to hear our conversation. She still didn't know about Soarin yet and I didn't want her to know it this way, especially as I wasn't too sure of what would become of us. I dashed outside and didn't wait to call Soarin. After some steps, I disappeared in a perpendicular alley where very few people came and went. That conversation needed to be confidential. A few bell resounded and finally, he picked up the phone. I didn't even let him say "hi" and immediately attacked him with a dry and quick question. Of course, it made me mad but the harm was done. "Why didn't you tell me?" Soarin didn't answer right away. I thought I heard him swallow. Behind him, there were sounds of music, people were talking and laughing. I tried to picture that... And it kept on feeling unreal to me. My boyfriend was this person who linked his arm with mine on the subway train and said he liked to hear me play cello more than guitar because of the contrast. I put my head against his shoulders and he approved me whenever I said I was the best, or cool, or awesome or whatever. He couldn't be a professional actor, a future star (I was the future star, come on!). Not that I didn't think he would be talented enough for this... but I couldn't visualize him on one of the posters that were surrounding me each time I went to the movies... and I went there a lot! I could hear sounds of steps, of a door slamming. The other sounds were muffled now, as if my ears were drown into water. "What do you mean?" he finally said with a blank voice. "Don't be like that, you know what I mean. Why didn't you tell me you were an acor who was going to feature in the new "Greatest Show Off" franchise?" Once again, I'd spoken with a rude voice and, once again I was mad at myself. "Sorry," I said, leaning against a wall behind me. "It moved me so much, that... Well, I'm a little lost, ya know what I mean?" New silence. I felt a huge anxiety from him which knotted my stomach and clenched my throat. I pictured his face sad, disappointed or overwhelmed by doubts and it killed me to think I could hurt him because I was too rough and ready, like usually when it's honesty time. "Soarin... Please, say something." "The thing is that... I had to keep the silence until the release date and casting were confimed. I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you when we start dating, I wanted it so bad but my agent confirmed to be that it would be a mistake, so... Please, don't be mad at me. You're too important for me, Dashie." I just couldn't. I couldn't stay mad at him. His voice sounded so sincere. I still wasn't sure of what would become of us now but I knew I didn't want to lose him. But I had a few questions first... "What will it change for us, in concrete terms?" "Well, in a few weeks, I'll be busy promoting but I don't know the exact date yet." "Sweet. What else do you know? I guess fans of the franchise wouldn't like that much if they learn the brand new leading role already has a girlfriend..." Who hates that type of movie, no less. Woot woot. "It's true. But I'm willing to take that risk and to put up with the consequences. You know... I really didn't want to hide things from you. I'm sorry you learned it this way. If you don't want us to be together now because of that, I will understand. It would hurt but I'll understand." He gave me a choice. I could have stopped everything right then. If only I knew things that I know now... We have been dating for barely a few weeks. Yet, I was already attached to him and to his presence. When he wasn't here, I thought about him. About his smile, his voice, his beautiful blue hair, stunning green eyes, his warm palms, the way he laughed and talked. When he wasn't around, I missed him. My eyes always stopped in front of his door during weeks, whenever I went through the corridor, to go out, to reach the bathroom or the kitchen. I was counting days until the weekends, waiting impatiently for him to knock on my door or to send me a message to tell me he's arrived. I liked it when he closed his eyes with a sweet smile whenever I played music or sang. So, I drew the conclusion that my answer was no. I didn't want to break up, I still wanted us to be together. I wanted more, forever more. I wanted to stay with him and que sera sera, like Doris Day sang... Here was my decision. Did I ever precise I totally SUCKED at taking decisions? "I don't want that, Soarin. Breaking up. It was a shock, it's true but I think I start to get used to it. I don't want to throw in the towel at the first challenge, this is so unlike me. It changes some things, boo, no big deal." "Really? Do you mean it?" The tone of his voice was different. As if someone had taken a bullett of his chest. I shouldn't have hurt him, I didn't want to. "Yeah, I truly mean it, silly." But in the end, it was me who was hurt. Later. Much later. Much too late. ================================================***======================================= Little by little, routine returned. It hadn't been always easy. First, Pinkie couldn't stop asking questions about my strange behavior when I saw that magazine. I was glad she hadn't remembered yet why that boy looked so familiar. But it never stopped those questions. She knew I was less available on weekends. I pretended I had a lot of work to do but she remained skeptical. Then, "the twins" were long to leave me alone with the Thunderlane case. My little trick hadn't worked much. They kept on telling me that I was the blame for their Prince Charming feeling so sad lately. They absolutely wanted me to think things through and change my mind. I thought we would never change topics. I couldn't thank enough whatever celebrity's scandal that made them look away. Nothing had yet really changed with Soarin, except sometimes he wasn't there on weekends neither. He was really excited each time he heard something new about the movie's release. I had to admit it still felt very strange each time I tried to picture him as a famous actor. For me, he was... Well, Soarin, my awesome boyfriend. With who I was telling jokes and watching movies on my narrow bed. With who I took subway trains and who kept me in his arms when it was overcrowded. Today, Pinkie offered we practiced our new sheets at my place. It's been a while she hadn't come to the hostel now. When she arrived, while I was having a snack with the old ladies in the kitchen, they all welcomed her as if she were their own daughter. They gave her apples and rice cakes... I wasn't surprised to see that she was very popular with them. They were really fond of dynamic young people. And dynamism should definitely be Pinkie's second name! We were in my room. Her classic instrument was transverse flute, which high-pitched sound really fit her voice. She was sitting on my bed, her legs folded under her bottom. That also was the way she played flute when she was at home. I was on my desk chair, my back turned on her. Both were focused on our sheets. Schubert for me, Tchaïkowski for her. "Hey, your phone's vibrating... Why you don't pick it up?" Pinkie suddenly asked. She rolled her eyes as she saw me staring at her with mine wide opened. With the sound of our both music, I hadn't heard anything at all. Not even the neighbors complaning. "My... phone? I don't know. It's stopped now, anyway..." I didn't need to look at her to feel her perplexity. I was barely focused back on my sheet that my phone got excited again. I admit I was tempted to ignore it again as well. I let it vibrate as long as possible... In front of me, I felt Pinkie watching me, wondering what the hell was on my mind this time. My eyes drifted on the screen of my smartphone, just to see who was calling with so much urging. As soon as I read the name, I grabbed it. That was Soarin. Up until then, he never called me when Pinkie was near. My tension increased and I stayed flabbergasted, my phone in my hands, not picking it up again. I turned to my best friend... She no longer played flute at all but was staring at me, thinking I was going insane again. And coming from her, it was a bad sign. It vibrated again. Still Soarin. He might be worried to see I never picked up. I couldn't let him wondering just because my friend was here, what kind of girlfriend would I be? Totally not an awesome one! I breathed deeply and finally picked up the phone, leaving my seat and my cello before going outside my room. "I'll take this out," I muttered to Pinkie Pie before closing the door behind me. I made sure I didn't talk, while hearing Soarin repeating worried "hellos" at the end of the line. If I was that cautious, it was because I knew my best friend by heart. I knew she was able to eavesdrop in order to satisfy her voracious curiosity. It has been a while now she was intrigued by my change of habits and suspected I was hiding somthing... This phone call was one more indication. Now I knew Soarin was about to be famous, I wanted to postpone the big revelation even more. Confessing Pinkie I had a boyfriend was one thing. Telling her that, in addition, my boyfriend was the new leading role of a very popular franchise was another thing! "Dashie, are you here?" kept on asking Soarin's voice through the phone. "Dashie?" "Yeah, yeah... I just wanted to be in an isolated place before I answered. Sorry for that. I was in the middle of a Schubert sheet." "Do you want me to call you back later?" This had Soarin written all over it! While he obviously was the busiest of us two, he was always scared he would bother me or make me lose my focus. No need to call me for that... Sometimes I thought about him so much I remained with the bow in my hands without playing for minutes. Yes, the tree had become the sap and didn't even care now. As always, I had to comfort him. There absolutely was no need for him to call me back later. I went through the corridor, towards the kitchen. Two tourists were chatting in a language I couldn't identify. I quickly smiled at them before getting on the balcony to make sure our conversation will be private. It was rather amusing, in fact, that I was there to talk with him. That was the place where I accepted to date him, the place where he took me in his arms for the first time. I leaned against the guardrail and watched Canterlot from above, while we were chatting about common places... but I knew he wouldn't call me just to speak about our respective schedules. He wouldn't have insisted that much otherwise. "What about you telling me what you really wanted to call me for? I know you have something to tell me." "I have indeed... Are you afraid?" Because I should be afraid? If yes, the mischeviously smooth sound of his voice wasn't much appropriate. I started to know him well. Soarin was bad at hiding his emotions, despite his actor skills.... I could read his mind whether he was feeling awkward, gleeful, reserved, worried, moody, sunny... And I liked that. Despite it all, he knew how to remain unpredictable. I could sense the way he felt but not anticipate what he was about to do or to say. I liked that too. "Tell me already..." The whole city stretched out in front of me. Glass skyscrapers, overcrowded streets, neon lights... The city was like a huge ant farm from up high. "Well, Friday night, there's a press conference at the Royal Park hotel and a short premiere with the first thirty minutes of the movie. There will be people of the press as well as fans with invitations. I made sure you'll have one. If you want to, of course..." Just a minute. What have I heard? Soarin was inviting me to a press conference? A movie premire, no less. I was expecting anything but this. He always told me we should remain a secret as long as possible and now he said I could come and see him working without anyone to be bothered. I was... stunned. For a few seconds, I didn't even know what to say... which is rare. I only had to find a solution with Pinkie. I've promised her my Friday night would be for her since we haven't hang out on weekends for a while. She was still my best friend, after all. "Of course, I want to but... Do you remember I told you I was spending this Friday evening with Pinkie Pie?" "Yes, I remembered. That's why I took action. I said you would be with friends of mine. Although I don't know your friends yet but oh, well... Are you mad now?" "Why would I be mad, you goofball? Awesome idea! Pinkie's going to love that press conference. But there's something I need you to explain to me. What did you say if now my friends are your friends?" My question seemed legit. I knew his agent to be severe about relationships, I looked for information after Soarin kept on repeating it to me. I've learned about scandal of a fashion designer who then was an actress but I must admit it bored me to the core so I hadn't looked any deeper. All I knew was that when you were idol of teenagers, during the first years of your career, it was nothing good to be officially dating someone. "It's a little complicated. I was telling Sunset Shimmer, you know the female leading role, that I really wanted you to be here... I didn't know Mr. Filthy Rich was in the nearby room. When I saw him, I turned very pale. He isolated me and I really thought he was going to scold the f*ck out me me, if not worse. You know how severe he is." Yes. He was saying it each time he had a chance and when I've learned about that hazy scandal I read fans' testimonies saying how much they hated him for being too hard on his clients. "He told me I was really good at withholding information. And that it was such a wonderful feature for an actor. He said he was ready to make an exception if we're able to conceal our story to the public. For a while, at least. So, I didn't even have to lie. Although... Well, don't you think it's a little weird too?" "Definitely weird. Since when do bosses have big hearts?" All the same, Soarin also thought it was dubious that he accepted our couple, and friends to know about it so easily. Maybe because he knew our story was relatively fresh and hoped it wouldn't last. After all, we were still young and nobody could say what tomorrow would bring. I could feel his awkwardness through the silence. His earlier enthusiasm seemed to have vanished away. And I was the blame. I had to make it up to him. "On Friday night, I think I'll come with Pinkie Pie and Rarity too." It wasn't difficult to understand why I chose these two. Pinkie Pie, first, because she was invited anyway and would be mad at me if I kept on hiding this to her, just like Soarin couldn't conceal it eternally. Rarity because she was already seeing famous persons everyday and wasn't be the type to tell everyone I was dating a famous actor. Big Mac had no interest for these kind of stuff. As for "the twins", they had way too much interest for that and, conversely to Rarity, they were unable to hold their tongue. At the other side of the phone, I felt Soarin was more relaxed. I looked up... Night was falling. "Fine. I'll write your name on the list, and Pinkie's and Rarity's. You'll have to go through a crowd of fans trying to come in but with no invitation. Be cautious, I heard it's scary sometimes. You'll give your name to the person with the list, he'll let you in and ask you to go with others in the spot dedicated to fans and family. Do you know where's the Royal Park Hotel?" "Yeah. It's around Pond Valley, right?" "That's right." We chatted a few more minutes and then he hung up. He had to rehearse for that press conference and his agent was complaining because he was spending too much time over the phone... Things were going to turn out real with that event. Within a few weeks, a few days even, Soarin was going to be someone public, a celebrity. I still couldn't get used to it. I sat on the floor to think about it. In front of me, laundry was drying in the sunset. I thought about us, right here, a few weeks earlier. How I was scared to become someone else if we started dating... I knew that from the moment that movie would be released, or even premiered, everything would go faster. Soarin's life was going to change and lead our relationship to new spheres. I didn't know in what proportions. When I got up, it was almost nighttime. In Canterlot, nights fell quicker than anywhere else. I couldn't explain why. I left my balcony, a little reluctantly... The two tourists weren't in the kitchen anymore, which was as empty as the computer room, and the lights of the bathroom was off. No one was in the corridor, neither. I was feeling weird. When I opened my bedroom's door, I came face to face with Pinkie, hands on her hips. Holy cow! She was waiting for me... "So? Who was it? Was it about food? Was it important?" Hell yeah it was important. You won't regret it, Pinkie! And I hoped so much I wouldn't regret it neither.