//------------------------------// // The Effects of Gamma-Rays on Man-in-the-Moon Marigolds // Story: A Story of Love (Among Others) // by TheMareWhoSaysNi //------------------------------// I thought about it all day long on Sunday. It went over and over in my head like a gif. I could see the pictures, clear, of his eyes on me, of how deep the emerald was, of the words he said soflty yet hesitatingly, of my strange reaction. Our day spent together, chatting as if we've always known each other. These stolen moments when I watched him as he couldn't see me and when I could feel his eyes staring at me when he thought I couldn't see. How close we were in that train. His face getting away and coming back. The new proposal, clearer. My heart pounding and how I still hated it. Everything exactly. At night, I thought about it too. The day after as well. Pinkie and Rarity wondered where did I spend my weekend, why they haven't heard from me at all and I didn't tell them the truth. I lied, to my best friends. Told them I was sick in bed with a fever and slept all day long on Saturday. A week went by. Taken in daily routine, I almost forgot about my weekend. Sending my work to the magazine, traditional classes, cello classes, guitar classes, singing classes (my option). Sweating at the gym. Falling asleep after eating a bowl of soup and greeneries. Going to downtown Canterlot with the girls, laughing out loud and being noticed by everyone around. That good old routine. Yet ever so disturbed by thoughts coming and going. A smile, a laughter. Green eyes. The deadline drew closer and I couldn't stop it from showing its muzzle. It felt like I didn't have enough time to think about it. I knew Soarin wanted my answer but I still didn't know what I would say to him. I had to move on and decide but fear was winning over me. The more I tried to think, the less I knew. I left my bed and turned my television off. In a second, the screen went from moving to black. I sighed deeply but I couldn't get that weight off my chest. A glance at my phone to see what time it was. All I had been able to do all morning long has been to put a load of laundry on. It probably was almost over now. It wasn't any use of starting to do anything since I knew I would never be focused enough. My hands were damp though I kept on wiping them up. I took a look at myself in the small mirror I hid in one of my drawers. My only relief was that stress didn't seem to be taking over my face. My makeup is always light, with a hint of BB Cream, a transparent gloss on my lips and sometimes mascara. Actually, I think makeup looks weird on my face. My skin is too thin, too pale and my eyelashes are too thick. The thing I love the most about myself are my hair and my abs. To be sure that my general appearance was alright hasn't comforted me in the least. I knew I'd be fit to be seen in front of him but it hasn't helped me making up my mind. I hoped the moment would come the later possible and that my thoughts would stop getting rusty. Meanwhile... I had to get my laundry back. Only when I opened my door, I met face to face with Soarin, his fist hanging. Seeing me, he lowered it slowly, trying a smile. I tried that too. But both our grin weren't much convincing... My mouth was dry, my tummy ached. He was all dressed in black. His hair was brushed back as always. He was even more handsome than I remembered, and it pissed me off because I was feeling even more confused. We both were sheepish. Sheepish and clumsy. None of us knew what to do, we even forgot about good-manners and hadn't said hi. He scratched the back of his head... Since I was still stressed, I was prancing around, looking away. "Did you... intend to go out?" he finally asked me. "No, I was going to get my laundry back, actually." "Oh, I see. Can I go with you?" "Yep," I said with a shrug. Don't panic, don't do stupid shit. Act as usually. I made sure I had my key, which I almost forgot, and we both crossed the corridor side by side, in silence. I wasn't sure about what to do or what to say, about whether I should give my answer point blank although I didn't have the slightest idea of what it would be. I wasn't sure neither whether I had to wait for him to ask me out again. His own silence didn't help much. He wasn't saying a word, nothing at all. He was just walking with me to the bathroom. I opened up the washing-machine. Someone called him from the computer room, a girl with curly lavender hair which face I couldn't see. He apologized and joined her. I couldn't hear what they were talking about from where I was. But the opened door looked out on the small room so I could see what they were doing. Soarin was explaining things to her about the old computers. And she laughed. Here, computors were full of viruses and the internet connection was so bad it was impossible to surf. I didn't like the fact this girl was with Soarin. And that was how I started thinking she was the reason why he hadn't spoken at all yet. I couldn't know what happened at the youth hostel when I was in school. Maybe he has met someone else in between, maybe he realized he liked feminine and reserved girls best, not boasting tomboys playing cello and guitar. And maybe he didn't know how to tell me he's changed his mind. It almost made me want to slap him when he'd be back. As I was done getting back my laundry, I left the bathroom without further ado, a basin under my arm. He owed me nothing, after all. We weren't even real friends. But I still had a knot inside my stomach. Although I wasn't sure whether I should say yes or no, I knew one thing. My heart wanted to say yes and was torturing me for being unable to say it out loud, because of my stupid pride. To hang the laundry out, we had to go through the kitchen and pushed the French door looking out on the roof terrace. There were two large washing lines and it was lucky when both were free like they were then. I didn't wait for him and started to do what I had to do. A shadow stood out in front of me. Soarin was behind the French door. "Hey, why didn't you wait for me?" "I didn't want to bother you." I kept on hanging my laundry out, looking away and avoiding to grab my bras and panties in front of him. He ran his hand through his hair, nervous. I was scared of what he could tell me, especially if that was that he changed his mind. And yet, I was unable to cut it short. "So... Have you thought about it?" Clack. The pin clenched around a big stitches sweater, water dropping on the floor. He hadn't changed his mind at all and suddenly, I wasn't sure anymore whether I should be happy or depressed because obviously, this meant he was expecting an answer from me and I still didn't know what to say. My heart, my brain, my pride... They had troubles getting the informations together. It would be easier to tell him the truth, to explain him what were my fears but I didn't feel so brave all of a sudden. If I could, I would bang my head against a wall, screaming at me: what the f*ck are you doing? Where did you hide the real Rainbow Dash, you fake?! I guess I've seen "The Invasion of the Body Snatchers" one time too many. "More or less," I answered, my voice shaky. "More or less..." His voice trailed off the last syllable. His eyes were weighing upon my shoulders. My gestures were so vague I let a dress fall on the ground. Soarin looked back, mumbled a curse before crossing the French door, his socks touching the concrete floor. He leaned over, picked up my dress and put it back in my hands. Both crounching under the washing line, we looked like kids playing hide-and-seek. "There's something which seems to be bothering you. I don't know what it is... Maybe it would be easier for me to understand if you told me." It was now or never, I knew it. "The thing is... No one ever asked me such a question before..." I was only half-lying. Indeed, not a boy ever asked me to be his date. It was stupid, I know, but a part of me still wanted to keep secret the fact that my biggest fear was that love would change the way I was. I already couldn't recognize myself whenever he was around me. And it really, really, really pissed me off. But at the same time... I liked him, that was a fact. Soarin sighed and took my hand. I jolted from surprise and fell on my back. We both laughed. I felt so unbearable when I was acting so... girly-like. And yet, his laugh sounded like candy to my ears, like a melody telling me this wouldn't be a big deal, that everything could be easy. But when his eyes turned serious again, I swallowed. "You like me, don't you? I know you do. And I like you too. We're fine together. It's pleasant to be in your company, I'm feeling good with you. I don't need to play a role. You're natural and you always have something cool or fun to say. And I think you're very pretty, I confess... It could be great, you and me together." Alright, this wasn't a confession full of passion like in the movies but that wasn't my expectations anyway. His words sounded sincere. A part of my resistance beat it, melting like ice cubes in a mojito (or is it a margarita?). Soarin stood up straight, stretching out his hand. I took it and in a few seconds, I was back on my feet. The fresh air whipped my face, blowing in my hair getting in my eyes. His face was so close and his eyes... I never saw eyes that green. His hands and the promiscuity of this body wrapped a sweet warmth around me. I've drunk all my margarita, ice cubes included. "Yes," I muttered. "Yes, it could be great... Awesome, even. Let's try that and... see." Yeah, that was my answer and it was worth what it was worth. I am no poet, get it? He smiled cracked open his face, the brightest smile I ever seen. I could feel his body relaxing, his shoulders lowering and it echoed inside me. I had only been focused on my own fears and hadn't paid much attention to what he could have been feeling all along. I was so sorry... But didn't show. Because, hey, pride, people, pride! Never forget about pride! "Can I, em, take you in my arms?" This unusual request made me grin. It sounded a little sappy but also touching. And better than someone doing things without permission. It would have been stupid from me to say no to him, though I was still scared of what would be happening to me. I nodded. His arms wrapped around my waist and I let myself go without further thinking, the dress still in my hands. He held me in his arms without pressure. I put my cheek against his shoulder and wrapped my arms around him as well. No matter what would happen between us, I was feeling so good right then, with him and the city of Canterlot as our only witness. For as long as it lasted... ==================================================***=============================================== This time, it was an official date. Soarin had planned to keep his Sunday afternoon free, in case I would say yes. I had no reason to refuse and leaving the hostel to get some fresh air was a good idea. In the subway train, we found two free seats. How many times did I watch (and despised) all these couples living as if they were in their own world? I hated that we probably looked like that as well. I wanted us to go to an area near my school, where they sold nice clothes for half the usual price. My mind relaxed, I enjoyed our walk and our laughs as I prayed we would meet no one from school, since I hadn't told anyone about him yet and some, I knew, wouldn't be very pleased to know I was hiding things. We went inside almost all the stores on our way. I had fun making him try the most ridiculous clothes we could find, and I swear we were so loud even the salesgirls were ashamed of us. But we weren't. It was different than our last stroll in the city but awesome all the same. The only difference was that when we stopped to get a smoothie, he took my hand. I know, no big deal. Except I couldn't help thinking the harm was done and I was looking like a sap dummy for real. Was going to be very difficult to get used to it. If I ever got used to it... It was nothing compared to what we had to go through on our way back home, when we grabbed a train. The crowd was so thick I could barely breath. Soarin and I had been like sucked up in the mass of people getting on, pushed towards the back of the train without moving our feet. An old lady stepped on my feet and didn't even apologize. And they say us young people are bad mannered! At first, I was against him and he held my waist so I wouldn't fall but it seemed like there still was too much space between us, since one girl and a man seperated us and I found myself crushed against strangers smelling awful. It was nightmare on Elm Street. But without Freddy Kruger. It was already night when we arrived at the hostel. As always, the streets were restless, even when it was cold, like that night. All the small restaurants along the path had their lights on, and in front of the largest one, couples were waiting, smoking on cigarettes, on chairs under a warmed up terrace. Families and businessmen were meddling, students were getting out the grocery store while some got in. The neons signs were sparkling. A cat crossed the chaos with quick strides. Soarin and I were walking side by side in silence. He was still holding my hand and I slowly adapted myself to this new condition. Even holding a boy's hand, I'm still awesome, anyway. It had been a good day which had gone by too fast. Tomorrow, I'd be back to my routine: gym, lessons, lessons, lessons, writing, movies. He walked me to my door. Well, he was obliged to get to it since his own door was right beside mine. What a strange thing to think we were seperated only by a few inches and yet, it took one key issue to have us getting closer for real. Without his absent-mindednesss, maybe we would never even talk. I wouldn't know he was not only handsome but he had a great personality too. I put my key inside the lock, opened my door. He was waiting, probably for me to be safe inside, as if anything could happen to me between my welcome carpet and my room. And then, I understood. We hadn't said goodbye. A couple never part without saying goodbye, especially not a brand new one. Silly Dash! "Did you have fun today?" he asked me. "Yes, it was awesome. You picked the right beany." Did I forget to tell you that? Between two try-outs of ugly clothes, he found a beany which he felt love at the first time for. He's that type of guy. He fixed his beany, then seemed to be changing his mind and left it. His hair did small cowlicks. "I see you next week, then?" "Yeah. I can't wait. Hey, what are you doing tonight? I have this new "The Flesh and the Devil" DVD to watch..." I asked on the off-chance, with no ulterior motive. "It's very nice of you but I have a little something to learn for, em, school. And I haven't slept a lot last night... I was thinking about a girl." I smiled as I understood what he meant. One entire week without him, I didn't know why but I felt it would be long. If I started to think like this, I knew I was on a slippery slope. Either I held back at something, anything, either I let myself fall. I didn't want it to be my choice but I already was feeling attracted to emptiness. Then, I thought about something elementary but which none of us seemed to have thought about. I looked through by bag and grabbed by phone. "Give me your number." Of course, he accepted my request and got his phone out as well. The messenger bag he always had with him intrigued me. I never asked what was inside of it but it aroused my curiosity. I promised myself that one day, I'll get through the mystery of the messenger bag... We exchanged our numbers, with selfies on the post to illustrate them. Once this was done, it was about time to say goodbye. For real. He had just pressed one of his large palms against the frame of my door, no longer smiling. His eyes were scanning me... My heart skipped beats in my chest when I understood what was about to happen. All the signs were here, loud and clear. I was surprised to see my own eyes drifting towards the bottom of his face. My breathing got faster. I couldn't move a single muscle. It probably was the natural next step. The thing was that I wasn't sure if I was ready for it. Obviously, that was what Soarin wanted to know as well. The scariest often is to take the plunge. To put one first foot on the stage. Like not knowing what was going to happen exactly. Most of the time, the best of defense is to attack. Fears are easier to overcome when they're being challenged. So I challenged mine, especially as I had seen far worst on my life. I closed my eyes. Time seemed to have stopped. It was like I had waited forever, with my eyes closed in from of him. My hands grabbed the door frame behind me and squeezed. I was feeling so vulnerable and of course, I hated it. I was about to open up my eyes again, thinking I have mistaken his intentions again (did I ever mistake his intentions in reality? I think I didn't. Rainbow Dash, number one mind reader)... That was when he softly pressed his lips against mine. I clenched the wood until it hurt. He put one hand against my shoulders. The light pressure against my mouth had nothing scary. Conversely, it even was rather pleasant and I was surprised I returned the kiss. With butterflies all over my stomach. It wasn't as good as winning a competition but it was close. The kiss only lasted a few seconds when I opened up my eyes again, for good and saw Soarin's face in front of me. With that stunning smile on. Only for that, I was ready to be the sappiest tree of the forest.