Being defeated never brought anything good to anyone. Especially me, who doesn't like losing at all. Naturally, I wasn't going to spend my whole weekend wallowing on my inability for boys and girls relationship. Surely, it was something I needed to work on...
So, in order not to be crushed by resentment towards myself, I went back to work. Because of this and because I had to. I was getting late and delays wait for no one. Respecting deadlines has always been a hardship for me. Especially when it comes to homework. I know, we spoke about it already.
When I settled in front of my desk, that day seemed to be the type of day where everything goes wrong but in the end, frustration pushed me into brand new corners and words flooded on the paper like a river deprived of its damming. Thus, I can confirm a rumor: once tormented (or at least a little miserable), producing something gets easier. I could picture myself finshing my homeworks and my job in the beginning of the afternoon.
I wanted to listen to music as I always do but I forgot to load the battery and also, I had a feeling. A taste of bittersweet déjà vu made me understand silence could be my best friend. I'd like the reason of all this would have been complete concentration but the truth is uglier. I couldn't help waiting for a sign, anything, from the nearby rooms. I knew Soarin was there, close, and I wondered what was on his mind. Just to think about it, a tension increased in each parts of my body and words were even faster to appear on the paper.
Right then, I sincerely thought all that could bother me would be a pinkish tornado with Pie in the name. Once Pinkie was done with her homeworks, Pinkie didn't care whether I still had work to do. Naturally, she thought I was as free as she was to do whatever she wanted to do. It was always the same. She called me, told me she was downstairs waiting and never let me freedom to choose whether or not I wanted to go with her. She went all the way from Sugarcube Corner to my place, so she couldn't return empty-handed.
So, of course, when a few knocks echoed through my door, getting me off my digressing thoughts, I couldn't say I wasn't expecting it just a little tinsy bit. Sometimes, she met a resident, who opened the main door for her so she didn't need me to come and tap the code to get in. However, I was a bit puzzled by what time it was. Quite too early for Miss Pie to be done with her homeworks, already up and dressed, ready to fight against Canterlot's subway to go downtown.
Did it ever happened to you? You know, you're get worked up for hours by something, and when it would be the perfect timing for you to think about it again, it's totally out of your mind? Well, that was going to happen to me, right now.
Freed of my fear of last night - no Linda Blair behind my door - I opened it. Actually, I also expected it to be our manager and hoped I haven't forgotten to hide the corpses of beer bottles from the previous day. I cleared my throat, just in case I'd need to justify myself, fixed my hair and my clothes, just in case as well. It's always best to explain yourself with a good appearance when you have broken some rules. Makes you look trustworthy.
My heart skipped a beat. No, it wasn't Pinkie, why then my heart would do that, idiot?
Soarin looked up. I could swear he was also fixing his clothes and hair the second before. Clad in tight jeans highlighting the muscles of this thighs and a sweat which color makes his pinkish complexion radiant, he was really handsome. Exactly my type. Although I never really had a type before.
"Hi," I said.
"Hi," he answered, shy-like.
Alright, I admit it, we looked like dumb and dumbier at this exact moment and it had nothing cool whatsoever.
"How are you doing?" he asked.
"I'm great. And you?"
"Great too."
I tried a question a little more relevant.
"What's wrong?"
Maybe there wasn't anything wrong but I wanted to remain logical. When you think too much, your emotions guide yourself and you end up disppointed. I didn't want to be disappointed. I thought then that I had my fair share of disappointments in nineteen years of existence.
He nervously pranced about, fingering the rim of his sweater. Our silence is irritating. Last night, when he laughed, he brushed my shoulders, we talked like old acquaintances finally back together... This morning, there were a distance between them. As if each of us realized limits has been pushed too far and we should get back to our places, because if not, something terrible would happen. Honestly, I have to admit I felt hurt by the distance.
He frowned briefly but quickly recovered. His body got straight, his attitude prouder. A smile craked open on his face. All my anger crumbled inside of me. I was the silliest of sappy girls and it was so wrong it was right.
"Actually... I wanted to thank you for saving me last night. Not only did you get me in but you also allowed me to sleep at your place and I'm upset I left the way I did earlier. You're probably busy but... I'd like to invite you for lunch. As a sign of my consideration."
Maybe it was nothing but my overflowing imagination of country girl but I swore he looked like he learned this speech by heart and played it in front of me like a script.
Oh yeah, I get it, simple neighbor decorum.... And to say I thought that, maybe, I haven't been so stupid to get all dressed up this morning! For a very brief while, I was tempted to give him a taste of his own medicine, so he would see what it felt like to feel frustrated about something you never been frustrated about before... But I didn't find the strength. He looked so sincerely sorry! I couldn't look at him without getting weak and though my usual self would have probably slammed the door on his nose for that, since I wasn't quite feeling like myself, I only shrugged.
"I see,", I said trying to sound detached. "Let's do that, then. But that's only because you're the one asking for it."
Suddenly, I saw his face relaxing and a sigh escaped his lips when he saw me grab my bag and boots.
"Why this sigh? Already tired of me?" I added, falsely surprised.
"Actually, I don't know why but... I was scared you'd say no. I know that's silly, but... I left quite abruptly tonight and you could have been upset. And I wouldn't have liked that much, you see..."
"Yeah, gotta be in good terms with your neighbors. Sounds legit."
I could see in his eyes how he thought I misunderstood his attentions. To be honest, it was fun to puzzle him like this. At least, I wouldn't be the only one who had felt stupid on this very morning!
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Canterlot's restlessness is something I've learned to appreciate. In Cloudsdale, streets aren't that crowded. In Cloudsdale, you have to drive for a few minutes before getting downtown and downtown isn't so many streets and areas parted into more areas. Everyone call you by your name. You know who are your neighbors and you take some time to chat with your acquaintances. There's no subway, only buses.
But I quickly felt I could fit in. I have always been someone fast, someone who liked independence and speed. I also always liked competition and the adrenalin of competition. This is why Canterlot has become a place where I could finally feel free to be my real self.
The crowd was walking around us, towards destinations them only knew, with faces of those with too many things on their minds to stop.
We were walking side by side on the same sidewalk, almost shoulder to shoulder, but I did my best not to brush him, even by accident. It was an intense concentration and I had to pay much attention to my surroundings and where I was putting my feet. I'd like to start a conversation but I couldn't get to say one word out. All I had in mind felt so silly or sappy. So, I said nothing at all. Maybe he was thinking I was rather temperamental. Maybe he was thinking I was blowing hot and cold. It would feel so nice if everything was like last night. But I was scared of what I might discover about myself.
"Would you like to eat something special?"
Soarin's voice got me out of my thoughts. It made me lose my focus and when a young girl passed me by, she softly bumped into me. I almost fell flat and had to grab his arm in order to avoid this. It felt as if I was burying my palms into burning flames. And yet, I already had that kind of touch with him. It was not a big deal, nothing to get crazy about. So why did I feel so strange?
His eyes looked sincerely filled with worry. It got me so mad. I hate girls who use coquettish and shy attitudes to please boys, so I hate when it seemed like I was behaving this way too. I wanted to be myself, just like last night. The only way to be back on my feet would be to get to a place where I'd feel like myself. And since he asked something about food, the solution to my problem was right within my reach.
"There's a great restaurant around it. I often go there with Pinkie Pie. Follow me."
For the first time since he appeared on my doorstep, I felt I behaved naturally with him. Even in the train, I haven't sad a word and barely thanked him when he gave me the last free seat and had to stay standing. I was ashamed to be treating him that way when he was so nice...
As we were walking towards the restaurant, I tried to establish some conversation.
"So... Looks like the manager have been quick this morning."
He looked at me, almost surprised to see I was daring talking to him first.
"Why, yeah, took not even two minutes. I wanted to come back and see you right after, once showered and dressed but I haven't dared."
"Look at that!" I said, innocent-like. "Why? You know I don't bite, don't you?"
He softly chuckled.
"Yeah, I know but I am kind of shy sometimes..."
Oh, so, I intimidated him... Cool.
I guided him with confidence to my favorite restaurant of the area, where we liked to eat a delicious barbecue and the best vegetal sausages of the town - according to me. It was easy to sense that he liked my new pace much more. Actually, it was the pace I usually walked with when alone in the streets, with quick and wide steps. I even wondered whether he practiced a sport or not. From what I have seen, he seemed to be the type of boy who liked execices and I wouldn't be surprised to hear he regularly went to the gym. That was another thing in common. I've always liked being active.
The restaurant I brought him to didn't look much. It wasn't one of those nice buildings like they show in TV shows. It was a small place at the corner of a street, where it wasn't possible to be more than fifteen. I can't remember how, the girls and I, came to go there on a regular basis. That's probably because we were too lazy to look for another one. But it has become some sort of headquarter for us. We were completely able to have our lunch there and to spend our entire day around a table in order to dine there as well.
When I passed the little polished glass door and the bell rang, the old lady managing the place immediately stepped to me with a gentle grin. She paused for a second, however, when she saw Soarin behind me. Usually, I always came here with the girls, and only with the girls. It was the very first time that I not only came without them, but with a boy instead. I was glad she had the discretion not to ask whether he was my boyfriend. She was surprised but didn't let it overtake the rest. While I was taking off my scarf and unbuttoning my coat, she showed us our favorite table and told us we could settle there.
Here, there were three rows of table for four persons, with plastic chairs. On the entrance door was pinned a yellowed poster for an alcohol brand, autograophed by the actress on the picture. Nothing on the walls except a menu with the prices. A crust of bread. There was a counter behind which the old lady was busy making beverages. She has settled a camp table where was put an old television so she could watch shows. Apart of us, there were only two other costumers, old men eating hot noodles.
Soarin was staring at me with an enigmatic smile that embarrassed me a little. I knew he was dying to say something and I wondered why he wouldn't spill the bean. My nervousness galloped back... I took cutleries in the small plastic box on the side and gave them away. That would be nice if he could be the first to talk. To say what was on his mind. I wouldn't bear that game for too long, if not.
"It seems like... "
We were cut off my the old lady at our table. In addition to the usual pitcher of fresh water, she brought us two beers. Soarin raised a surprised eyebrow and I couldn't help laughing as I glimpsed at his face, hidden behind my glass. She winked at my companion before going back behind her counter, and I frankly burst out laughing. Her behavior has embarrassed Soarin... The boot is on the other foot now!
"What did you want to say?"
"What", he answered, blinking. "Oh yeah. It seems like you're in clover here. Am I wrong?"
"You're not. We always come here with the girls when we're around. Even when we're not, in fact... Looks like Mrs. Sugarcoat has a crush on you..."
"Hey!!!!"
I giggled harder, this time almost lying on my table. The change looked flimsy but it set me free. That would be a shame to ruin what could be a nice friendship with my hesitations and stupid fears. The fact to be face to face without being embarrassed felt so good I couldn't stop laughing.
Soarin looked up at the menue and examined it. I turned around, waved Mrs. Sugarcoat a sign meaning "the usual". There was one dish that I eat almost everytime I came there. I didn't know what Soarin liked but I was sure once he had a taste of the specialty of the house, even if he didn't like it before, he would change his mind.
My giggles over, I poured us beer. My fingers were freezing... Maybe I should have taken my gloves.
"You know the place... What shall I take?"
"I took the liberty of ordering for the both of us, actually... Are you mad at me?"
"I'm not. It settles the matter."
He put his elbows on the table and smiled at me. He was so adorable... Of course, that wasn't the first time I noticed that. In fact, I knew it since the very beginning. I liked the way he styled his hair, the way he dressed.
Even so. What was I expecting? I didn't even know. And I didn't think I had any right to expect anything. We got along, that was an undeniable fact. All the same, I wasn't going to get carried away again. It would already be extraordinary to be his friend. Not only was he really cute but he was also very nice and funny.
Soon, Mrs. Sugarcoat arrived with our dishes. She put a bowl of boiling vegetal sausages soup in front of us. The delicious smell tickled my nostrils. A steam escaped the dishes. I was drooling over it.
Soarin grabbed a spoon while the old lady this time put side dishes on: spicy cabbage, fried garlic and steeped radishes. Only once she was back at her position behind the counter that was yet right beside us, he talked again, as he blew over his soup.
"I never thought girls could like vegetal sausages soup. My little sister hate that."
Sister? It was the first time he told me about his family. I must admit I was curious to know what was her age, what she was doing in life but I held myself back. I knew he too has always lived in Cloudsdale before going there to study and that, conversely to me, he still had his two parents. And that was all. He hasn't told me more but it was rather fair. I haven't told him much, neither. Questions about the family could be embarrassing when they come from persons you barely know and I didn't want him to think I was a nosey parker. It was best to let him confess it to me little by little. Though it didn't mean I couldn't talk, actually.
"I have only step-siblings. One of my sister is very picky and doesn't even like marshmallows. Do you realize? I mean, everybody likes marshmallows. Reminds me of those French pastries in the windows of the Lux Hall food court... I know no one who wouldn't like to have a taste of them."
"But conversely to marshmallows, no one buys them. They're too expensive."
"If you want, we'll go there one day. We'll sit at the counter of a restaurant and see whether anyone buys one of the cakes. And if no one comes at all, I'll pay the bill."
'You got yourself a deal, kid!"
We shook hands across the table before bursting out laughing again. I was so glad to notice that everything has fallen back into place. I didn't know why I was so tensed a bit earlier, it felt as if I was trying to kill any chance I had to get a new acquaintance, who wouldn't be part of my school. Everything was simple between us. Uncomplicated, unquestionable. I let myself flow in the stream, in peace with myself.
We had a small talk in the most relaxed manners. As the minutes were going on, I felt closer and closer to him, even closer than last night. And this time, I could say it wasn't because of the beer since we barely have touched ours, too busy sipping on our soups.
For those who wouldn't know, vegetal sausages soup is a broth which main ingredient are soya sausages spiced with paprika, along with corn, cabbage leaves, carrots and other spices. True, it's not considered to be a female-driven dish but the girls and I don't care at all. We like it and especially the one made in here. Soarin seemed to like it as well.
I asked him and he assured me he never ate anything that tasty before, to which I replied I told him so and he should always trust me and I insisted on the word "always". It made him smile. That was the reaction I was looking for. He looked so... fresh. That made me want to smile too.
"I think you're awesome, you know. It's pleasant to be with someone who's not afraid to try bold things. Actually, there are a lot of things that I really like about you."
"Yeah, I know I'm awesome, thanks," I answered with a wink.
Though I truly meant it I couldn't help thinking... And so what now? What did he really want to say? In order to give myself a countenance, I stuffed my mouth with a large spoonful of spiced cabbage leaves. Too large, actually. I certainly was looking like a hamster filled with grains. I was going to die of suffocation. And of shame.
"Maybe you'll think that's pretty sudden. Well, that's pretty sudden, in fact... It's the first time I'm doing such a thing. Er... Do you need help?"
I shook my head no and was more or less able to swallow a part of my spoonful. Whatever he wanted to ask, I wasn't sure he would ask in the end. Why am I acting so dumb each time I thought things were easy now. I didn't know what unsettled me that way. The seriousness of his voice or maybe his eyes... Green and deep, they were staring at me with a new intensity that I couldn't decipher.
Soarin poured me a glass of water and waited patienly that I was done swallowing my cabbage leaves. I then grabbed the glass and drank it in one gulp.
"Do you... think you would... like to hang out with me sometimes? I mean... Not exactly as a friend..."
This time, I chocked for real. I've swallowed water awry and my throat scratched so much I started to cough noisily. I was turning out of breath. I didn't know then whether or not I understood his request and if that was the case, what kind of muddle I got myself in.
Well, before anything, I needed to make sure I understood. And that I wouldn't die.
In front of this new sharp strangeness attack, I guessed Soarin was puzzled. Mrs. Sugarcoat yelled at him so he would pour me another glass of water and he did so with quick movements. I snatched it off his hand and swallowed again the whole contain in one gulp. Water to calm down water... Weird too. Though, well, this time I wasn't chocking out of clumsiness. If he never asked that question to me...
He waited for me to calm down. After a few seconds, I was able to breah again. My cheeks were scalding hot. This time, I probably looked like a huge tomatoe with rainbow hair. I couldn't help thinking that if he has said what I thought he has said, he would never ask again. He was a boy, after all. And boys didn't like girlfriends with no manners whatsoever.
"Are you feeling better? You scared the hell out of me..."
I replied yes and no longer dared touching anything on the table, scared of being so uncharacteristically clumsy again. Or else, what would be my next move? Thrusting a knife into his eyeballs? He smiled at me again with that off-guard smile and I was surprised to pray he would ask his question again. Instead, he stretched his hand and wiped something stuck to my bottom lip.
But he didn't say another word. Like, at all.
Gosh, I hated him!