//------------------------------// // Chapter 6 // Story: Five Friendly Venoms // by Tumbleweed //------------------------------// “Marry you?” I blurted. “Who in their right mind would want to do a stupid thing like that?” Carrot Top arched an orange eyebrow. I kept digging, despite the fact I hadn't had a drink in hours. “I mean, leaving aside the fact that your particular choice of career makes anything approaching a normal life something of a pipe dream-- why even bother? The whole institution of matrimony is a racket anyway-- just an excuse to keep florists and dressmakers in business. Assuming, of course, the whole affair isn't crashed by changelings. I mean, they're supposedly reformed, but I wouldn't put it past them to go back to brain-eating if they were presented with delicious enough emotions to snack on, you know? And then you'd have to punch all their exoskeletons in and you'd get ichor all over your exorbitantly expensive wedding gown, which is why you shouldn't even bother in the first place. Though I suppose it wouldn't be a problem for this sham marriage that Orange Sky's after because you obviously don't love him.” A beat. “Do you?” Carrot Top stared at me for a long, long moment, and then rubbed the bridge of her nose. “I can't believe that's what you're worried about.” “On the contrary, this whole escapade has me terrified. I'm just focusing on the parts that are less likely to get me killed.” “Look, Sentry. Orange Sky is a traditionalist. He wants-- he needs to be Master Zhi's successor. But he's smart-- or he thinks he is. So if he's going to continue Master Zhi's school--” “He'll want an heir.” I said. Carrot Top nodded, grim. “And, presumably, if you and Orange Sky ... pair off, as it were, that keeps the big scary book out of the wrong hooves?” “In theory.” “Ah.” We ambled on in silence for a few paces. “Are you ... going to?” “Going to what?” “You know. Marry him. For the good of Equestria.” “Not if I don't have to.” Carrot Top said. “But if I can't think of an alternative--” “Well.” I said. “Wouldn't it be easier if we just stole the damn book?” If certain entertainments are to be believed, epiphanies come with the 'ding!' of a bell along with the sudden illumination of a conveniently placed light bulb. In reality, the process is more gradual, with the realization crawling across a mare's face like the slow creep of dawn. “Keep. Your. Voice. Down.” Carrot Top said in her most professional of murmurs. “Oh. Right.” I said, and glanced around, paranoia activated. Cutie Cue and Silken Lotus were a ways ahead of us on the path-- had they slowed down to eavesdrop? Orange Sky wasn't in the immediate vicinity, but he could easily have reconnoitered us from above the treetops. I had no clue where Tempest Shadow was, which was a terrifying enough prospect in its own right. And that's when I got an idea. “Of course.” I said, just a hair louder than I'd been speaking earlier. “I'm sure the students of Master Zhi are much too honorable to steal anything.” I winked at Carrot Top. She looked puzzled. At least that part was normal. Even with Master Zhi laid to rest, the ceremony wasn't yet finished. Most of the less notable mourners veered off, while Silken Lotus led the way to a posh tea-house, all carved mahogany and lacquered tile. An obsequious unicorn in a pillbox hat showed us to a table in the center of the place. We were the only ponies present, save for the staff. I wondered if somepony had put down the cash to rent the whole place outright, or (more likely), they had just intimidated the poor owner into closing shop for the day. Orange Sky and Tempest Shadow joined us in short order, and I wondered if Orange Sky had propositioned her, just for thoroughness' sake. I supposed he could put a paper bag over her head if he was really serious about that 'heir' business. Still, one doesn't become a ladies' stallion such as myself without being able to pick up on certain little cues, even when not directly involved in a particular assignation. Little glances, nudges, that sort of thing-- a silent, subtle method of flirtation. By the look of things, none of the mares present wanted anything to do with Orange Sky. That, or they were really good at concealing their emotions. The six of us (which is to say, Master Zhi's five students and the perpetually unlucky Yours Truly) sat down at a low table with all the exacting politeness of ponies who loathed each other. The proprietor brought us green tea in little cups painted with blue flowers-- I waited 'til I saw Silken Lotus drink before I did the same. Cowloon tea, for the record, is entirely too weak and watery for my liking-- not like a proper, bracing cup of the dark stuff you get with a full Canterlot breakfast. A heavy, meditative silence fell over the tea house, punctuated only by faint clink of teaware. Finally, after everypony had drank their first cup of tea, Silken Lotus gracefully dispensed refills and went on. “We have much to discuss.” Lotus said, smiling beatifically over the rim of her teacup. “No we don't.” Orange Sky said, glaring. “As the first student of Master Zhi, I am the only one worthy of continuing his legacy.” “But what would you do with it?” Silken Lotus set her tea down and narrowed her eyes. “You'd sequester yourself in the villa, training, day in, day out, and for what?” “For perfection of the form.” Orange Sky huffed, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “Ah, but what good is perfection for perfection's sake? You would waste yourself in your training, while Cowloon rots outside your doors.” Silken Lotus' lips curled back in a predatory smile. “We have an opportunity before us. For years, this city has been the laughingstock of Equestria and Minotaruia both. But if we worked together, we could make Cowloon into a jewel. We can take the respect due to us, and the city will flourish.” “And so will your coffers.” Tempest Shadow's lip turned up in a snarl. “What an Equestrian thing to say.” Silken Lotus narrowed her eyes. “Quite an interesting change of heart, too. Especially since you tried to conquer the place.” “She failed.” Carrot Top said in her characteristically competent tone. “And so will you.” “Again, so very Equestrian.” Silken Lotus shook her head and gave a little sigh. “So confident the Princesses will save you through the power of ... Friendship.” She made the last word a sneer. “It's not the princesses you've got to worry about.” Carrot Top set her front hooves on the tea table, and I instinctively started plotting a course to the nearest exit. “You're right. I'm not worried about the princesses.” Silken Lotus didn't bat an eye. “You see-- while some of you have only used Master Zhi's teachings as a method of physical combat, I'm the only one who has realized their true potential. Positioning, leverage, momentum-- these aren't just parts of a training exercise-- they're philosophies.” Carrot Top frowned, but didn't launch herself across the table at Silken Lotus, either. The other ponies just watched and listened, expressions stony. Though I did see Cutie Cue smirk, just slightly, which told me which side she'd thrown in with. Silken Lotus continued with her monologue. “You see, Golden Harvest-- you have to look at the bigger picture. No matter how deadly you are, one pony is just that-- one pony. Alone, even with the Manual of 36 Hooves, no single one of us could take Canterlot, much less all of Equestria. Which is why I shall follow Master Zhi's first doctrine--” “Strike where your enemy is weak.” Orange Sky said, sounding all the world like a sanctimonious schoolboy who couldn't help but give the right answer. “Exactly.” Silken Lotus' eyes fell to me for a moment far longer than I would've liked. I shrank back an inch or two, and the elegant, maniacal unicorn lifted her teacup one again. “Do you know how much tea Equestria drinks in a year? And do you know how much of that passes through Cowloon ports? Just imagine what might happen if somepony were to apply ... pressure, to that particular import. And that's just tea-- there's also silk, porcelain, cosmetics, spices, chocolate-- Equestria needs, craves luxury. There'd be ponies in the streets after the second month. Two, at most.” As Silken Lotus laid out her plan, I reminded myself that Equestria had no shortage of wineries and distilleries. Priorities, you know. “And that's only going one way--” Silken Lotus went on. “There's Equestria's exports, as well: produce, stone, lumber-- along with a smattering of manufactured goods. If these shipments were somehow ... waylaid, or even lost, along the way ... it'd be enough to ruin several companies, and the after effects would ripple out from there. Within a year, Equestria's economy will be in shambles-- leaving room for Cowloon to take control as a leading world power.* And once it's known that I hold the Manual of 36 Hooves, there won't be anyone in Cowloon who will dare oppose me.” While Silken Lotus' plan seems far-fetched, it is not entirely unfeasible. Economic structures of the time were notably shaky and unregulated, providing opportunity for cutthroat businessponies. For further first-hoof research on the subject, I recommend starting with “The Timberwolf of Fall Street” by one F. Flimflam. “Do you really think you can conquer Equestria with ... money?” Carrot Top said. “I don't think. I know.” Silken Lotus said. “And I'm not the only one. Tempest Shadow's already tried to disrupt my hold on Cowloon's businesses. Tried, and failed, I might add. It'll take more than just one mare to undo what I've spent years building.” So that's what Tempest Shadow was doing back at the bar. Shaking the fellow down for protection money ... which she didn't take. Strange. “And it'll take more than one mare to overthrow Equestria, no matter how much money you throw at it.” Tempest Shadow growled. She pushed herself back in her seat, and the table went still. Beside me, Carrot Top tensed, subtly preparing herself to launch across the table in a flurry of well-practiced violence. A quick glance to the other 'guests' showed they were doing the same. The only reason I didn't start trembling then and there was because the five most deadly ponies I'd ever met were, at that moment, glaring at each other, rather than yours truly. As such, I was able to think of a course of action more complicated than a panicked retreat. I cleared my throat. That's when the five most deadly ponies I'd ever met started looking at me. “Ladies.” I said, and then glanced to Orange Sky as an afterthought. “And gentlecolt, for that matter. Let's not get ahead of ourselves, hm?” “Hold your tongue, lest someone cut it out.” Orange Sky glared back at me, flaring his wings out. “You don't belong here, Equestrian.” “That is absolutely correct.” I tried not to think too hard about just what sort of cutlery Orange Sky would use to carve me up. “I don't belong here. I never met Master Zhi, rest his soul, and I can't begin to comprehend the importance of his legacy. Which is exactly why you need me.” As expected, this explanation got me a quintet of baffled expressions. Which, to be fair, was far better than a quintet of murderous glares. Wishing sorely for a glass of brandy, I pressed on. “You see, I could care less who does what with which book.” My cup of tea was hardly an excuse for something proper and boozy, but I slurped down half of it anyway in an effort to stay casual. “Which puts me in the unique position of being able to offer ... advice.” “What makes you think we care what you have to say?” Cutie Cue said. “Nothing, really.” I shrugged, and set my teacup down. “But you're listening anyway. I'm not going to try to argue for Silken Lotus' plan-- or against it, really. That's a choice for you to make. But it's a big choice, and one that warrants thinking on. As such, all I'm saying is that all of you take time to ... consider things. Give it ... oh, a day, I suppose? And if you decide that you're going to murder each other afterwards, that's fine-- but you could at least make arrangements to fight it out somewhere more ... appropriate. I'm sure the teahouse's proprietor would appreciate that much.” Another pall fell over the table. I breathed in deep, putting on a brave face, even as my guts rolled and turned themselves into knots. Silken Lotus laughed. “You're smarter than you look, Sentry.” She said. And with that, the other ponies at the table relaxed from “imminently violent” to just “potentially violent.” Which was still terrifying, mind you, but at least it meant it was unlikely anypony would kick my skull in within the next few minutes. “I do like this teahouse, as well. So I'll give the lot of you a day to think this over. It should give you plenty of time to realize my plan is the best one ... or to prepare yourself for what happens if you don't. We'll meet at Master Zhi's villa tomorrow morning. Agreed?” “I've already made my decision.” Tempest Shadow snarled. “But I'll give you a day to put your affairs in order.” With that, she turned her back on Silken Lotus and stormed off. “Tomorrow it is.” Carrot Top said. There was less of a growl in her voice, but that made her all the more intimidating. She dabbed her mouth with a napkin, then took her leave with exact politeness. I managed not to trip over my own hooves as I followed. Carrot Top didn't say anything for a good quarter-mile, winding her way through Cowloon's crowded streets and alleys, doubling back several times to make sure we weren't followed. With her paranoia finally sated, Carrot Top poked a hoof into my chest and affixed me with the sort of glare that I'd come to know pretty well since I'd first met her. “What the hell do you think you're doing?” “Stalling.” I said. “What for?” “So we can get out of Cowloon without you getting killed.” I paused, thinking. “Or married, for that matter. I'll let you decide which is worse.” “Sometimes I wonder why I put up with you, Sentry.” Carrot Top said, though she made it somewhat affectionate. “If it helps, I wonder why you put up with me too.” I said. “But we can figure that out later. What's important now is that we catch the first steamer back to Equestria, where you can go tell all your buddies in the Equestrian Intelligence Office what Silken Lotus is up to. And then it'll be their problem.” “I'm not leaving.” Carrot Top said. “Not until this is finished.” “I knew you'd say that.” I said. “Which is what 'Plan B' is for.” “Plan B?” Carrot Top said, suspicious. “Just what is 'Plan B?'” I told her. A few minutes later, Carrot Top once again stared at me, once again with a look of utter bafflement on her face. “That ... isn't the stupidest thing I've ever heard, but it's close.” “It's also the best option we've got.” I said. “I know. That makes it worse.”