//------------------------------// // Chapter 24 // Story: Pandemic: Picking up the Pieces // by Halira //------------------------------// Dan waited in the same room he spent the last week in. There was a huge difference now; the pony he had shared this room with, and a previous room with before that, was missing. Whether she came back or not, it was certain she would not return as who she left as. That thought weighed heavily on him as he waited. Tattered sat a few feet away on the floor, speaking quietly to Lavender and Rudra. On the other side of the room a human psychologist sat waiting, reading a book. Dan resisted the urge to scowl at the man. This entire rehumanization thing felt filthy, but what other choice did Mel have? These humans were trying to help her get to where she could be pain free and well. He had to force himself not to see them as hostile. It had been hours with no word, and soon it would be dawn. It had been over nine hours, and they said it would only take around seven. They had been told that they were going to be taking time to make sure Melissa was completely sedated and asleep, and that they needed to take time to make sure she understood the full ramifications of what she was doing. Those things might have added some time, but it still seemed like it was taking too long. Every once and a while the human doctor or one of the ponies would come back into the room to get a quick drink of water from the sink before returning to the other room with Melissa. Everyone except the psychologist always asked how things were going, and if Melissa was alright. The answer was always the same though; it was an ongoing procedure and they would let everyone know when the procedure was done. The waiting and uncertainty were agony. "How are you holding up, Dan?" Tattered asked as the trio on that side of the room had a lull in conversation. "I'm just like everypony else, anxiously waiting to hear something," Dan said as he brought his one foreleg around and laid his head down on it. "You aren't everypony else. You're the pony that has spent the most time with her. We all care, but I got the impression the two of you are pretty close," Tattered said as she walked over by his bed to face him. "It doesn't matter. Soon she will be free to go where she wants and won't want to be around me. Why hang around a reminder of the pain she has endured," Dan said to the other Broken One. For all he knew she would suddenly find ponies horrible to be around, or worse, start talking like the other humans about how they were all mind controlled. She might even see him as some beast. "She isn't going to turn her back on you, or any of us. She's gone through too much with us to do that," Tattered stated firmly, scowling at him. "You're the one that told her that yourself. Why are you having doubts now?" He sat up and looked down at his compatriot. "I had doubts when I said it. I said what needed to be said to soothe her when she was upset. She needed this procedure to be pain free. I was just saying what I needed to for her sake." He had spent so many hours talking to Melissa. Telling her all about his life growing up, talking about the news they saw on television, and trying to cheer her up. She had made the time he spent healing bearable. Despite Melissa's pain she had talked to him too. She told him about how she used to spend time as a child at friend's houses just to get away from her mother. She told him about how she had tried to enlist in the army like her dad but hadn't been able to make it through boot camp. She had told him about how eager she had been to finally be able to protect others when she first transformed, and how it eat her up that she had failed to live up to that yet again. In these beds they had bared their souls to one another, and he felt a connection with Melissa that he had never felt with another pony or human being. Now that connection might be ending, and that hurt worse than losing his legs. Tattered propped herself up on the side of the bed and gave him a sympathetic frown. "Dan, I'm not stupid and blind. The two of you are more than simply friends. She isn't going to abandon you." "We were just friends, okay?" He growled, flicking his tail in anger. "And I can't blame her for abandoning me if she does. Who wants to be around a crippled pony all the time?" "You could do the same as she is right now," Tattered answered in a low voice. "If you really want to be with her." He shuffled himself around in bed to face the wall instead of Tattered. What did Tattered know about anything? Even if he did feel that way about Mel, that didn't mean she felt the same way. And he didn't feel that way anyway, they were just really good friends. That made that whole line of thought pointless. He blinked his eyes to clear his vision. They needed to change his sheets more often, he was getting stray hairs in his eyes from these things. "We actually took a few minutes to talk about your situation with the mages when they arrived," he heard Lavender say. He had almost forgotten she was there with how quiet she was being. "I didn't ask you to do that. I don't want to be rehumanized." He then lowered his ears. "What did they say?" "They said they don't think the rehumanization process would properly grow your limbs back," Lavender said in a sorrowful tone. "The human doctor wanted to push you about rehumanization still. I told him to keep away from you." Dan whipped his head around to stare at the Equestrian. She looked miserable, staring down at the ground. "I thought you wanted me to rehumanize. Why did you tell him to keep away?" He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Lavender looked him in the eyes. "My job as a medical practitioner is to see that my patients get to live happy healthy lives. At this time you will still have the mobility afforded to you by flying. If they changed you back you wouldn't be getting that arm and leg back." "What about prosthetics?" Tattered interjected. "Yes, there are prosthetics he could have as a human, which may work to some degree," Lavender nodded. "They're no better than the ones he would get as a pony, and his mobility on the ground would be bad in either case. Taking away his flight when he struggles on the ground is just cruel. I'm pretty sure he would end up regretting his decision if he did it in this circumstance. I had to object for my patient's best interests." "I have to concur," the human psychologist spoke up. Dan turned and looked at the man as the man closed his book. "There is an extreme chance of severe depression in this case if you rehumanize. While your mental state as a pony is questionable in several areas, it is likely better than the alternative in this particular case. From a mental health perspective, I would advise against rehumanization." Dan laid his head back down. He didn't feel any better hearing Lavender and this human backtracking and deciding suddenly he was better off as a pony. Oddly it made him feel worse. It said that he had no real option to join Mel if he wanted to--not that he did. The door opened, and everypony's attention immediately perked as two of the three Equestrian mages walked in. "You're needed in the other room," one of the unicorns, a purple mare, gestured at the psychologist. "She's still sedated and asleep, but they'll be waking her soon." "It's done? She's human? She's okay?" Dan asked. His chest was tight. She had better be okay. The same purple mare turned to look at him as the psychologist exited the room. "She's human, or almost entirely human anyway. She seems to have recovered with a minimum of scarring. We won't know everything for sure until after the examinations are done." "A MINIMUM OF SCARRING!" he bellowed as he pushed himself up by his one leg and quickly toppled back down again. He pushed himself back up again and continued. "She's supposed to be all better! What's considered a minimum of scarring?" The unicorn looked at him impassively. "She has some light scarring around her abdomen and upper thigh of her right leg, with the appearance of old burn scarring. These don't seem like they'll be an impediment or cause any serious discomfort. Most human clothes will keep them covered, making them unnoticeable most of the time. She also seems to have retained her pony eye color, but no other pony physical traits. Her PREQUES number is less than half a full point as well, which is preferable." Dan lowered himself back down to the bed. It seemed like she'd be alright, with no more pain. It was done, and all there was left to do was wait to find out what had happened in her head. "Can we see her now?" Tattered asked as she glanced anxiously at the door. The unicorn floated a paper cup under the sink and filled it with water. "Once she has woken up, and the humans have cleared that she's okay for visitors. You'll have to be patient for a little bit longer." She floated the cup back to her mouth and took a sip and stuck her tongue out in disgust at the cup after she finished her drink. More waiting. He was so tired of waiting. At least the waiting was going to be at an end soon. He just hoped that at the end of his wait he still had his friend. Melissa hardly had time to get her bearings when she woke back up. No sooner had she registered her change in body did she end up being subjected to a full physical and a long line of questioning; having the doctor poke at her while crystal ponies did something or other to her with their hooves. By the time they finished, and she had her full list of rights read to her she was more than happy to have a few minutes of peace. She stood up, not as shakily as she thought she might, and walked over to the mirror to look her naked body over. Her skin was paler than she remembered. And her red hair maybe a touch more vivid than it had been when she was human before. Was she the same height as before or had that changed too? She thought she might be a tiny bit taller, but it could have been a trick of her mind based on her stature as a pony. Breasts far larger than any pony's udders hung from her chest and didn't seem out of place or freakishly over-sized. There was no trace of a tail, nor want of one. She brought her hand up and looked at it. All the fingers seemed the correct length and when she flexed them found that they moved easily with no stiffness. They didn't seem strange or alien at all to her, they were supposed to be there because she was supposed to have hands. She was a human and she had a sense of herself as human, not a pony in a human body. Using the same hand she had just examined, she looked down and touched the shriveled flesh on her side that ran in patches down to her leg. She could feel the pressure if she pressed on it, but that flesh seemed dead and without sensation. That had definitely not been there last time she had been human, and it was a grim reminder of her short life as a pony. A cold chill went through her body as the memory of the horrible night she had been injured ran through her mind again, and she couldn't suppress the shudder. The psychologist wanted her to attend sessions for dealing with PTSD. She wasn't sure that would help much though. She brought a hand up and touched her back. There was no trace of the wings that were once there. Their absence didn't bother her nearly as much as she thought it would last night. There was no connection to having wings, much as there was no connection to having hooves, tail, or fur. As a human she wasn't supposed to have those things, so there was no missing them. Already the concept of having them was growing strange. As she looked her reflection in the eyes she saw the last reminder that she wasn't always human. Yellow eyes, too vividly yellow for any human, stared back at her. Glancing around the room it seemed a bit dimmer than she remembered. It was probably a result of the loss of her night pony vision, but it didn't really trouble her. She could see perfectly fine, and the sun shouldn't feel as intense anymore. It was a fair trade off. The more she thought about how natural everything seemed the more she realized how much being a human or pony impacted her view of the world. People liked to claim ponies were brainwashed by their transformation, but she wondered if becoming human had in a sense had done that yet again to her. You couldn't change what someone was without fundamentally changing how they thought. She was her thoughts and feelings, not her body, and now she was human. A knock at the door startled her and she turned red in the face as she realized she was standing in the middle of the room naked if anyone came in. "Melissa? Are you okay in there? Can I come in?" Came Tattered's muffled voice from the other side of the door. Melissa hurried over to where the doctor had left her a hospital gown and she yelled out to the door. "Give me a minute to get something on. I'm completely naked!" She could hear a laugh through the door. "Nudity taboo is in full effect again then? Guess that you're thinking like a human now. You know I don't care if I see you naked, right?" "Yes, I'm thinking like a human and that means I care if you see me naked. Hold your horses a minute and let me get something on!" Melissa called back as she slipped on the hospital gown. "Alright, you can come in now." The door opened and Tattered walked in with a smirk on her face. The smirk immediately dropped as the night pony's eyes spotted her and went wide as her mouth dropped open. Seeing Tattered was a shock to Melissa as well. Was she really that small when she was a pony? She hadn't felt small at the time. As she looked Tattered over she tried to imagine herself with a similar body and somehow struggled to do so. It had only been the night before that she had a similar form, but already it seemed an alien concept in some ways. A testament to what had been done to her mind. It made her think again about how much her thoughts had been forcibly changed not once, but twice now in the last month. That should bother her a lot more, but somehow it didn't. Maybe that was what brainwashing was, having your entire view of the world altered and not having any complaint about it. Tattered came out of her stunned stare with a shake of her head and walked forward a few more steps. "Sorry, I knew you'd be human again when I came in, but actually seeing it is a shock." Melissa smiled and brought a hand in front of her mouth to suppress a giggle. "Don't worry, it's pretty amazing for me looking at you now and noticing for the first time how small and adorable ponies are." "I'm not small, humans are just too big," Tattered said in mock indignation. "Nope, you're small, my little pony friend." Tattered spread her wings and snorted before lowering them again. "Well, I guess that answers the question of whether you are thinking completely human-y now. Since you're talking with no trouble, and seem to be in an upbeat mood, can I assume you're pain free too?" Melissa sat back on to the bed and spread her arms and legs wide. "Yes! Not a trace of pain or discomfort. All my body parts are working perfectly and naturally." She lifted her foot towards Tattered and wiggled her toes at her. Tattered scrunched her muzzle in disgust as she looked at the toes. "Fingers and toes are so weird. Can you please not do that? You're making my fur crawl." Melissa sat up and put her feet back down. "Sorry, just being able to move everything without pain is wonderful. I'm enjoying my body." "So...no regrets about losing your ponydom then?" Tattered asked. Melissa looked up at the ceiling lights and became thoughtful again. "I was thinking about that right before you knocked at the door. Since I was turned into a pony and then back again into a human in such a short period of time I was thinking about what that all did to my head." "Sounds like something you should have discussed with the psychologist," Tattered said as Melissa listened to the night pony's hooveclops advance towards her. She looked down at the pony. "I didn't get a lot of time to process things after waking up before they were running tests, asking me a million questions, and giving me instructions. I got to think more once they left." "Are you on the ponies are all brainwashed train now too?" Tattered asked as she sat and curled her tail around herself. Melissa frowned, she didn't want this to come out wrong. "That's partly right, but is oversimplifying things a lot. I think my thoughts were completely changed when I was a pony, but I think the same thing happened again today when I was turned into a human. A large part of us is our sense of self, and when you meddle with that you change a lot of things. If you call changing that brainwashing then I've been brainwashed twice." "Alright," Tattered flicked an ear. "If that is so, do you think wanting to stay a pony is wrong?" Melissa shook her head and heard her friend sigh with relief before she explained herself. "You're sense of self says that you're a pony and there's nothing wrong with wanting to stay true to what you are, no matter how you got there. How you got there might have been wrong, but that doesn't make being what you are wrong as a result." Tattered raised a brow. "Instead of the ends justify the means it would be the end result is what it is despite the means?" "No matter what we are we have a right to feel comfortable being what we are, no matter how we got there," Melissa tried explaining again, then decided to go another route. "Sunset Shimmer shouldn't have done what she did, it was wrong, but that's old news. Ponies are ponies now, and shouldn't be forced to not to be ponies. Doing that is no different than what Sunset Shimmer did; changing someone's sense of self against their will." "And the ones saying that they just want us to go back to what we were?" Tattered asked as she stared up at Melissa with one ear lowered. "There is no going back. I'm not who or what I was when I was human before. I spent three weeks in agonizing pain with pony thoughts running through my head. Do you think that I can just be the human I was before that? That person is gone," Melissa said with a violent shake of her head. She then glanced over at her paper work. "I'm not exactly one-hundred percent human now anyway," she said as she reached for her paperwork. "They say I still have magic in me that isn't going to go away." Tattered gaped in shock then licked her lips. "You didn't lose your magic?" "I lost most of it, not all of it," Melissa said as she flipped through to the appropriate page of her paperwork. "They gave me a something called a PREQUES number, which is supposed to say how much magic is in me. Mine is zero-point-four. I can't actively do anything with that low a number--they said I would need at least a full one-point-zero for that--but I'm not a straight zero either." "Give me a moment to think about something," Tattered said as she turned to stare down at the floor. Melissa watched Tattered sit deep in thought, not wanting to disturb whatever line of thought her friend was following. They sat in silence for close to a minute with Tattered occasionally flicking one or another of her ears and Melissa re-looking over some of the papers in between glances at the night pony. Tattered looked back up at her with a small smile playing on her lips. "If you have magic in you still, even if just a little, I might have an idea that it will help out with. I have to consult with a friend of mine about some things before I jump to any conclusions." Tattered then let the smile drop. "On a more pressing note; do you still want to stay on with the Enclave? My offer to you hasn't changed. I want you as my number two in command." There was something her magic could still be used for? She didn't know if she should be happy at the prospect or worried, they had stressed that she should report if she somehow used magic. One thing she didn't need to think about was her answer. She looked Tattered straight in the eyes and leaned forward. "If you still want me, even though I'm human now, then I'm your woman. I want to keep what happened to us from happening to anyone else. No one should have that happen to them." Tattered grinned as her ears picked up and the night pony stood to her hooves. "Good, I'll even let you keep your title of Broken One. As soon as I get official authority I'll deputize you as an officer of the law and see what the town can do for getting you a regular paycheck. For right now there is another pony who is eager to see you. I think we should go down the hall and visit." Her heart skipped a beat. How had she forgotten about Dan? How would he react when he saw her? He had said that he supported her and would stand up for her decision, but she knew he hadn't been happy about her choice. His resentment for humans was strong. Would that resentment get directed at her too? Tattered must have picked up on her worries as the night pony mare walked over to her and laid a hoof on her leg. "I probably shouldn't be saying this, but Dan cares a lot about you. I think it's more than simple friendship to him." Melissa blinked as she tried to process what was being said to her. Was Tattered saying what she thought she was saying? "Dan seemed to waver about being rehumanized," Tattered said as her ears lowered and she took a brief glance at the door. "If it wasn't for the fact the Equestrians were pretty sure he wouldn't regrow his limbs I think he would have asked them to rehumanize him too, just to be with you." Her brain threatened to shut down as emotions went to war with one another inside her. She leaned back in the bed. "Mandy, can you give me a moment. I need to think." She heard Tattered snort, but the snort seemed half-hearted. "I'm going to have to break you of calling me Mandy if you're going to be my number two. I understand about needing a moment though; that was a lot to drop on you." That was an understatement, that was a bombshell and she had no idea how to feel. She had been scared of Dan's rejection. Now if he rejected her it would come with an extra degree of hurt knowing how he had felt. Had she been that blind? Would she have changed her decision if she had known? Could she have endured the pain and taken the risk on what other treatments there might have been? That was probably why he had kept his mouth shut about it. He didn't want her to risk staying in pain. The next things to consider were more troubling. How did she feel about him? Was he right in thinking she would reject him? Could she feel that way for a pony? This made everything feel wrong. There was nothing to do but press forward though. Avoiding him would just make everything worse. She sat back up and stood to her feet and did a quick check to make sure her hospital gown was still covering everything. After she was satisfied she wasn't going to be showing her ass to everyone once she left the room she turned back to her friend who had accepted her without reservation. "Okay, Tattered, I'm ready to go see him," she said with as much confidence as she could muster. Tattered gave her a concerned frown, but only nodded in response, before turning and opening the door back up. The doors of the clinic all had the handles you just had to push down on to unlatch, ideal for ponies, even if they were placed a little high up to be perfect for ponies. She followed the night pony out into the hall and down it to its end. The night pony did a brief knock on the door before rearing up and grabbing the handle with her hooves. As Melissa walked into the room she was greeted by collective gasps that made her want to turn and retreat back to the other room. She stiffened up her limbs and kept herself still as she looked at the room's occupants. There were not many here, just three other than Tattered and herself. Lavender Mist and Rudra were to one side of the room gaping at her, and she gave them a hesitant wave of her hand. She then turned her eyes to the one occupied bed and saw Dan staring impassively at her, though she could tell his muscles were all tensed. "Dan...," she was at a loss for words after what Tattered had told her. Why had Tattered told her that? She forced a smile and spread her arms wide while giving a little twirl in place. "What do you think?" He stared at her for a moment and she felt worry building again. When he spoke it was in a low, tired, voice. "Are you pain free? Do you hurt still?" "I'm pain free," she said with a nod as she rubbed a hand along an arm nervously. She looked at the three completely intact night ponies and bit her lip. "I know everyone is eager to ask me questions and see how I'm doing, but can you give me and Dan a few minutes...alone?" "Come on you two. I wanted to get a checkup on my wings anyway, and hopefully a clearance to try to fly again." Tattered said as she gestured towards the door with a wing. Lavender looked like she was going to put up an objection and gave Melissa and Dan an appraising look before shrugging and heading to the door. Rudra followed behind her with no objections. He was a member of the Enclave, and though he might be the boss at the clinic he still understood an order from a superior phrased as a suggestion. After they exited the room Melissa and Dan kept staring at one another for a long minute of silence, not moving. Dan broke the silence first. "So...any lingering disappointment about not being able to fly anymore?" She rubbed her back as she answered. "Not really. I guess it just isn't as important to me now that I'm human." "I see," Dan said as he laid his ears back. She sighed in frustration. Highlighting her changes in thoughts was not the best way to start this conversation. "I'm still staying with the Enclave though," she said, trying to put some pep in her voice. She was rewarded with Dan's ears raising back up a little bit. She continued on what seemed to be the more appealing subject for him. "Tattered said she wants me as her number two." Dan laid his ears back again. What did she do wrong now? "She's putting a human as her number two," Dan said in an aggravated tone. "I'm guessing I'm getting regulated to number three." "If you prefer to be her number two I don't mind letting you outrank me," she said while pleadingly waving her hands in front of her. "I'm the one who's an outsider now. I shouldn't make you feel like I'm taking your rightful place. I can tell Tattered you should outrank me." His ears moved from being laid back to laying to the sides. He turned his head so he wasn't looking at her anymore. "No...she's probably right. It's better to have you as the number two than some useless broken pony like me." Her face flushed with anger at the comment and she stormed forward next to his bed so she was able to look him in the face again. "Listen here, you are not useless. You're going to be flying again soon and will have plenty of mobility due to that. I'm not letting you wallow in self-pity." He raised his head up but kept his ears just as flattened as a moment before. "You have no idea what's going on in my head right now. I know how much pain you were in, and I'm very glad you're pain-free now, but that doesn't mean you understand mine." She took a deep breath and sat down on the side of the bed next to him. It was time to address the elephant in the room. "Tattered told me about how you felt about me." Dan went wide eyed for a moment and then laid his head back down, curling his tail around himself, though the edge of it sat flicking still. "Tattered doesn't know what she's talking about." She softly put a hand on his back. He flinched but didn't shake it off. She took that as a positive sign and pressed on. "Then you tell me how you feel. I'm here right now, able to talk to you for the first time in weeks without feeling agony saying every word. Talk to me, I don't want to have you turn away from me." "I won't ever do that," Dan whispered without turning to look at her. "Then talk to me about how you feel. I need to know. You have been open with me about everything till today. I may be human and have human thoughts and instincts now, but the bulk of who I am is still the same person who was in that bed over there," she pleaded as she pointed to the other bed. "What does it matter?" Dan said, and she felt his body shake as she realized he was crying. "Things can't work out the way I want them to. I can just be glad that you're pain free, and that's something that actually matters." She sat for a moment with her hand still resting on him, feeling his body convulse with silent sobs before she leaned down and wrapped both her arms around him, laying her head down gently on his back. He stiffened as she did so, but again didn't object. "What if...what if I wanted to see if something more could still be between us?" She asked as she listened to his heartbeat and breathing. She heard his heart rate quicken and his breathing stop for just a moment. "Why...why would you want that? I'm not the same species as you anymore, I'm not even whole. I can't give you anything." "I'm not the same species as you anymore, that's correct. With that in mind I turn that question back around on you. Do you still want there to be something with me despite that? Do you want there to be something between you and a human?" She asked as she continued to listen to his rapidly beating heart. "Don't worry about what I want or think right now. Tell me what you want." "Yes...I want there to be something," he said. His heart was racing fast, and she was beginning to get worried that it might be racing too fast in all honesty. He was still so frail from his time recovering. She had heard what she needed to hear though. She sat up and used a hand to turn his head up towards her. He stared at her with fearful, hopeful eyes. The yellow of her eyes still matched his. She bent down and gave him a brief kiss on the lips before sitting back up and smiling. "Then we're going to see if it'll work out or not. I don't know for sure if it will, if it's even possible for something to work between a human and a pony, neither do you, but I know I want to try." He picked himself up and crawled into her lap before laying down again. She could tell it took a great deal of exertion for him to do that. "I want to try too," he said as he brought a wing partially around her torso. She leaned down and gave him another kiss. This entire thing might be foolishness on both their parts, but if it was then it was a foolish endeavor they were in together.