Pinkie took a deep breath, pushed open the doors to the first passenger cart, and sighed in relief when she wasn’t immediately arrested. That was a good first start. Less immediate arrestings were still a concern though, and there were ponies staring at her.
That was normal. She was just new to the carriage, and in a uniform. It wasn’t suspicious looks, just curious ones. When a pony in uniform showed up, you always had that niggling little feeling in your gut... did I do something wrong? Did somebody else do something wrong? Is somebody in trouble? Is that somebody me, and I just don’t know it yet?
At least, that’s how it went with her and Twilight. That curiosity about authority. The authority that you got from wearing a silly blue hat.
Pinkie swallowed back the urge to go mad with power.
She walked across the carriage, looking for Shining and Cadance. Or at least, looking for ponies looking at her too long, because they might have disguised themselves, or hid. She didn’t think they’d be hiding, though, or else they wouldn’t have gotten train tickets.
There weren’t many carriages to look through, fortunately. Maybe, like, four more, from what she saw from the tunnel top? There were long uphill stretches that made it dangerous to carry more. Less ground to cover, but it looked like Shining and Cadance were going to be in the one closest to the locomotive, based on where they jumped.
Pinkie pushed forward, making sure to scan every pony she saw. She realized she didn’t even have to pretend she wasn’t doing it; She was a ‘ticket inspector’, it made sense for her to be looking for someone of a certain description. As long as she looked confident about what she was doing, that was all the acting she needed to do.
Nobody she recognized in here, so she moved onto the next carriage, across the short walkway between them. She took a moment to appreciate how hard it must have been for Shining to have landed on his hooves in this small space.
The next carriage did have a pony in it she recognized though, and he seemed just as surprised to see her as she was to see him.
She bit her cheek before she could say his name in surprise. Instead she walked up to him, doing her best to look professional, and asked; “May I see your ticket please, Mr...?”
“Fancy Pants. I’m surprised you have to ask: Everyone usually recognizes me.” Fancy Pants said this with a careful smile and a look that made it clear he’d just said more than what he was saying.
Oh, right. He was saying that a fake name’s one thing, but if you’re one of the most famous ponies in Canterlot, if you haven’t been caught yet it’s only because ponies don’t know to arrest you yet. And they were too busy looking for the Crystal Heart right now to realize he hadn’t died throwing himself off the balcony.
“I’m sorry, Mr Fancy Pants, I’ll make sure I won’t need to ask twice. Are you travelling with anyone today?”
Fancy Pants smiled again. “Oh yes, a young companion of mine is travelling with me. I think he’s a bit excited to meet your employer, actually.”
No way! He was with Spike wasn’t he? “Well, she’s in the back carriage, actually, watching the handbrake. It’s why I was assigned this train today, actually. I wouldn’t be here otherwise.”
Fancy looked just as surprised as she’d hoped he would. “That’s how you made it? Talk about having favours from friends in high places... Yes, I’ll tell my companion the good news, and he should make his way over. I’ll have to go find him. Pass on my best wishes, if you will?”
“I’ll be sure to do that. You have a safe trip, okay, sir?”
“‘Sir’,” he chuckled, “will do his best. It’s a much safer trip than the last I took, I recall, but at least that one was blessedly short.”
Pinkie snorted, even though she didn’t know why. What he said hadn’t been funny at all, but the way he said it made it funny. Charming ponies were weird in how they could do that. And from the sparkle in his eye, he knew just how charming he was too.
She was really glad he was okay. The world was probably a much better place for him being in it.
She turned back to head to the front carriages. Just three more between her and it. No guards she could see. Another ticket inspector was checking everything, and she just walked right past him without a second look. He was wearing glasses anyway, and she hadn’t seen what colour the mare whose uniform she’d stolen was. Apparently they were close enough.
Hopefully.
Maybe.
She wasn’t looking forward to coming back this way when he could get a better look at her.
The whole length of the train she walked just waiting for someone to shout that she was a fake, or to call the guards, or Black Snooty herself to descend from the sky and rip her from the train but that never happened. Nobody even looked twice at her the whole time.
Then she was in the first carriage, with two cloaked ponies talking about the best spell selection for a buffing cleric build if they were only going to run the character to level ten.
Pinkie had to fight the whole way over to them not to laugh. They were such Twilight’s brother and sister-in-law in so many ways. Just pulled off a huge heist against Nightmare Moon herself, fought dozens of guards, and they were talking about their Ogres and Oubliettes characters.
It had been years since Pinkie had played. She used to love bards, but she felt like playing a ranger next time. One with a bright green owl companion.
“Excuse me, sir and ma’am? May I see your tickets please?”
They both jumped and looked at Pinkie. Then Shining grinned beneath the hood, the same expression as when you get a plate of food in front of you when you skipped breakfast. They pulled their tickets out of their cloaks and passed them to Pinkie, who squinted at them.
“I’m sorry, there seems to be an issue with your tickets. You haven’t done anything wrong,” she said, for ponies in the carriage listening in’s sake, “but I’d appreciate it if you could come with me to the guard van to get this sorted out.”
Cadance was confused. “Guard van?”
“Caboose.”
“Ah! Yes, thank you, Ms. We’ll head there now.” Pinkie led them towards the back of the carriage, and out onto that tiny walkways between carriages. But, instead of opening the door to the other carriage when they got outside, Shining and Cadance jumped up onto the roof. Pinkie stared up after them. Shining looked back and gave a shrug. “The less ponies that see us, the better. We know where we’re going.”
“Isn’t it even more suspicious if a pegasus sees you doing this?”
“Absolutely,” Shining agreed, “Which is why we’re going to be quick about it. See you on the other side!”
And with that they zipped off, giggling about balance checks and acrobatics rolls. Pinkie didn’t particularly feel brave enough to follow them up there if there was a perfectly nice inside to walk through, so she made her way through slower, making sure to look out the opposite window to the other train pony when she walked past him, so he couldn’t see her face clearly.
The only guards fast enough to stop the train would have been the Shadowbolts, and they were already taken out of commission for tonight. Or at least the ones in Canterlot were. Still, knowing that, Pinkie worried anyway about what she didn’t know she didn’t know. That’s what always got you.
Last carriage. She tensed, feeling like something horrible was about to happen. It wasn’t like that feeling she got before going to see Rarity, it was... itchier. Just under her skin in a way she couldn’t explain. She opened the door to the guard van.
Shining and Cadance and Spike were all hugging Twilight, and she was hugging back, and they were all crying, and they all seemed very happy and safe and okay. The guard in the corner was still fast asleep.
Spike tugged Twilight’s fishnet stockings, and raised an eyebrow. “It looks good! Like something Raven would wear to a nightclub.”
Twilight looked furious. “Spike! What have I told you about reading DC?”
“I had to deal with what Shining gave me, okay?”
Twilight wheeled on her brother. “You exposed my assistant to sub-par comic books?”
“Hey, now,” Shining threw his hooves up defensively, “The resistance got what it could. I couldn’t even find him a good supply of Power Ponies comics.”
“You have failed him as adoptive parents.”
Shining gave Cadance a sidelong look. “Well, at least he read Sandman.”
Cadance rolled her eyes, and Pinkie giggled. Everyone looked at her, just noticing her entering the carriage now. She laughed even harder, “Oh my goodness, you’re all such huge nerds you didn’t even notice me come in, did you?”
Twilight leapt forward and hugged her, hard. “Pinkie! Welcome back. This is Spike, who you met years ago. Spike, this is Pinkie, who you probably remember.”
“She’s the one that inflated like a pufferfish, then threw you a party with hotsauce cupcakes, right?”
“Yeah, that’d be her.”
Spike held out a claw, and Pinkie shook it enthusiastically. Spike was really cool, after all. “Spike T Dragon, professional mailbox for the resistance.”
“Pinkie D Pie, professional Twilight Sparkle wrangler.” Pinkie laughed again at Twilight’s sour-yuck face when she said that, “I heard that was your old job?”
“Sort of. Though I was just called her number one assistant. I’m probably out of practice now, though. You’ll have to get me caught up. You seem to be doing good at it; You even got her to brush her mane!”
“I know right?” Pinkie laughed. Twilight seemed unimpressed by their conversation, but then Shining and Cadance were distracting her. Cadance gave Pinkie a wink. “I don’t suppose you want your old job back, huh?”
Spike saluted, like a proper soldier. “Reporting for duty. I’ve been on leave way too long. You can consider yourself relieved, Corporal.”
Pinkie saluted back. “Corporal?”
“Corporal Pinkie Pie sounded the best in my head. It had the most alliteration.”
Shining seemed to be listening in after all. “I can make that one official, actually. I would hazard that defending my sister from herself for two years warrants an NCO rank.”
Twilight stuck her tongue out at her brother, but he just shrugged. Corporal Pinkie Pie it was then.
Spike offered his hand out for Pinkie again, and Pinkie took it. “It’s good to be back. You should be pretty relieved to get Twilight out of your hair, right? She’s a bit of a handful, even at the best of times.”
“Ah, I can still help, if you need?”
“Nah, I can handle her on my own. You’ve done a great job, I heard! You can finally take a break and do your own thing now, if you want.”
Pinkie didn’t really know what to say to that. Spike smiled at her, and hugged her leg, then ran off to go talk to Twilight. Or maybe interrogate her was the better term for it.
“Have you been eating properly?”
“Close enough. Sometimes she even made me eat vegetables.”
“Look at you, acting all grown up. She manage to get you to go to bed at proper hours?”
“Yes,” Twilight lied through her teeth. Spike ‘mmhmm’d super hard at that.
“I bet she didn’t even check to make sure you weren’t hiding a light under the bed covers when you were pretending to sleep.”
“I didn’t need to,” Twilight said proudly.
“You stayed up way too late every single night, didn’t you?”
She looked down and away. “I’ve been busy.”
Spike shook his head, fists on his hips, tapping his foot at her.
Cadance slunk over to Pinkie while Spike was busy emphasizing just how much better he was at handling Twilight.
“You!” she declared in a whisper, “Have a crush on Twilight!”
Pinkie blinked. “Well, yeah, I guess.” She admitted it pretty freely, considering you could probably have hit Twilight over the back of the head with a kettle right now, and it wouldn’t have gotten her attention.
Cadance stopped giggling. That answer seemed to surprise her a lot, even though Pinkie was just agreeing with her. “You already knew?”
“I figured it out on my own, if that’s what you were asking.”
Cadance frowned, and her pout looked especially dark under the hood of her cloak in the dark van. “Aw. I thought I was going to get to do the whole thing where we get you to think about your feelings and realizing that deep down you felt it but you didn’t understand it before...” She sighed, “That’s always my favourite part.”
Pinkie shook her head. “I’m not Twilight. I know how I feel about stuff when I feel it. Sorry if it takes the fun out of it for you.”
Cadance was frowning and confused now. “So why aren’t you a beautiful pink and purple pair right now? She’s obviously head over hooves about you.”
Pinkie coughed into a hoof in that way you do when you’re trying to think of the least awkward way to say a very awkward thing. “Because the idea of a relationship made Twilight panic so much last time it came up that she had a total meltdown, and started using I think amphetamines, so I’m just trying to be a good friend for her at the moment.”
Cadance frowned now, but she didn’t seem as confused anymore. it seemed like she was frowning because she understood, which is how Pinkie felt. “Oh. I suppose that’s... amphetamines? Why amphetamines?”
“She didn’t like how much having a crush was distracting her from her work, but it just ended up making her better at planning out every way that having a crush was a bad idea and was going to ruin her life. It was hard to argue with her, she made a really good argument. ”
Cadance nodded, grim and resolute. She hadn’t had this much of a war face when she was actually fighting ponies. “I see. We’ll have to have some very stern words, between us ladybugs. I didn’t raise that filly just to fall apart at the first sign of a healthy relationship. I’m sorry to hear that, Pinkie.”
“Uh... it’s okay?”
“It will be.” She gave Pinkie a blink-and-you-miss-it reassuring smile, “Us pretty pink ponies have to look out for each other.” But then the war face was back.
Apparently Cadance took the whole ‘Princess of Love’ thing as seriously as Applejack took apples. And Pinkie had seen Applejack tuck an apple tree into bed and read it bedtime stories.
But it was too late to do anything about it, because Twilight had already convinced them both what a terrible idea it was. And Twilight was the smartest pony Pinkie knew.
“I’m going to sit in the next carriage and stand guard.” Pinkie said to the group, “I’ll let you guys catch up. You’ve obviously really missed each other, and I don’t want anybody else interrupting this, okay?”
Twilight hugged her brother tight, and Spike hugged her leg tighter. “Thanks, Pinkie. You’re the best.”
Pinkie doffed her uniform’s hat and went to go sit in the next carriage, to be alone with her thoughts for a little while. It wasn’t more than a few hours to Ponyville, which was eons when you’re left alone with your own thoughts, but Pinkie felt like she needed about that long to sort them out.
-----
The train stopped at Ponyville, and no one came to the back carriage. As everyone else snuck off, and Twilight started directing them towards the Everfree, Pinkie stopped to check up on one other passenger before they left.
“Hey, Fancy Pants.”
“Hello, Ms Pinkie Pie,” the stallion snapped his book closed and looked up at her with a weak smile, “It’s a pleasure, as always.”
“What are you planning on doing now?”
“Well, I suppose I was planning to get into Dodge and see what my next move was from there. Or maybe just hide low there for a while. It’s fairly out of the way, I’m sure that even if I were recognized out there, nobody would particularly care to collect me.”
“You’re going to be okay, right?”
“The worst I expect is a bit of boredom, and boredom doesn’t kill a pony. Well, not quickly at least. I should be fine, Ms Pie. Now, the train’s about to leave, and I’d rather you didn’t get stuck with me again.”
“Uh, okay,” Pinkie eyed between him and the exit. He was right, the last ponies had just dragged their luggage off. The train whistled. “Well... Good luck?”
“Thank you,” he smiled more genuinely this time, opening his book, “And to you as well.”
Pinkie bolted for the door, throwing off the hat and vest behind her as she ran. What Fancy Pants said was ringing in her ears; would come to collect me.
She hadn’t told Rarity where Twilight was, exactly, but Rarity could definitely guess they were still around Ponyville. Which meant the Guard might come tearing up Ponyville asking where they were hiding her. Pinkie had to warn people.
She ran to Twilight, who was already making haste towards the Everfree, Cadance carrying a giant hat box that had to hold the Crystal Heart in it. “Twilight!”
The others turned. Pinkie stopped. “No, no, you guys go on ahead, I just need to warn Applejack and Fluttershy!”
Shining and Cadance threw their hoods off. Shining was ecstatic, “You have your own resistance here?”
Twilight didn’t break eye contact with Pinkie, “No, we don’t. Pinkie, why?”
Pinkie bounced on her hooves, antsy to bolt towards Sweet Apple Acres, “Because the Guard are going to come looking for us, and they’re going to go through them to do it. They need to know.”
Twilight seemed to finally get it. “They haven’t done anything though. That’s been our biggest problem!”
“Nightmare Moon won’t care about that, though”, Cadance said, “Will you be okay to make it back through the forest on your own?”
Twilight and Pinkie both laughed at that. “Pinkie’s fine with that. Just... are you sure you don’t want me going with you to talk to them?”
Pinkie was already walking backwards now, and accelerating, “If you want, but I think that might just make them angrier. I can do it, I’m good at this sort of thing.”
Spike raised a scaly eyebrow, “You give ponies the bad news very often?”
Pinkie thought about that. Actually, she was just guessing this was the sort of thing she was good at. When was the last time she had to give the bad news? Don’t think about that too hard then. “It’ll be fine,” she shouted over her shoulder, running now, “I’ll meet you back at the castle.”
She ran for Sweet Apple Acres.