//------------------------------// // Owl // Story: A Beautiful Night // by MrNumbers //------------------------------// Fast food chains hadn’t actually changed that much since Nightmare Moon won. It turns out not even eternal night was going to mess with Old McDonald, and the corporate engine whirred on as consistently as ever. There was a time where Pinkie would never, ever have walked through the Everfree smelling like hot fast food. That would have been a euphemism for suicide, even! Like, “Oh, yeah, and then I’ll just walk into the Everfree with a bag of takeout and some sauce packets.” Honey-mustard for Pinkie, plain ketchup for Twilight. Twilight didn’t like overpowering the regular tastes, even though Pinkie thought barbecue was objectively superior. Twilight had said that Pinkie didn’t know the difference between ‘objective’ and ‘subjective’ and was using the word wrong but Pinkie knew and just said Twilight got her sauces that wrong. Twilight then said Pinkie should cite her sources and Pinkie squirted her with mayonnaise and then Twilight was about to throw some relish at her, and even made a good ‘relish this!’ pun about it, but then they got into a fight over whether relish was a sauce or just a condiment or what. The dictionary called it a sauce, which felt weird, but it meant Twilight was in the right when she sprayed some in Pinkie’s hair after and they had to take a long bath each. It was a good time. She heard a twig crack. Her ear twitched, her tail flicked, and her mane went all tingly. “Come on Leonard. Really? Today?” There was a low growl. Twilight called it a Nemean Lion, but Pinkie called him Leonard. “You know this is vegan, right?” Pinkie grumped, “It just smells really good, but you couldn’t digest it. And you know what happened last time. You’re still super ticklish, aren’t you?” There was another growl, but it was far more uncertain. That was a big yes. “How about this. You leave me alone now, and I’ll leave out a big bowl of milk for you when I get home. Deal?” The growl was more threatening again. They were to her right, now, she could definitely tell. She whipped her head towards him and could see, just a dozen feet away, his glowing golden eyes in the trees. Apparently he was feeling greedy. “No, no more than that, I don’t want to make you think attacking me gets you treats. I’m not letting any of you run a protection racket on me, you know that’d end badly for everyone.” The lion jumped in front of her, puffing up its chest and sitting proudly, flashing its claws. “Oh, yeah, you’re plenty tough. But what are you gonna do when a cockatrice sneaks up on you, cause it wanted to get some cuttlefish and bird seed out of me every week?” Leonard stared at his claws, then slowly sheathed them again. It was pretty cool how cats could do that actually. Where did they even go? Leonard had a lot of claw. “So, bowl of milk for you this time, right? And we’ll be happy about that?” Leonard stared at the ground, but didn’t move or make any other threats. Eventually he stood up and cleared the path for Pinkie to keep walking. “Thank you Leonard.” Pinkie skipped with food the rest of the way, with Leonard following in the shadows behind. There were occasionally growls and roars, to let the other residents of the forest know that Leonard was not losing out on a big bowl of milk because of their shenanigans. That was nice. Not too long ago Pinkie would have been scared walking through the Everfree smelling like fast food. Now she was just thinking about whether she’d need to go back to do a milk run after this, and worrying that the food was getting cold. “I thought we were supposed to be eating healthier.” Twilight jabbed a fry at Pinkie in accusation. “Did you care about that though?” “Not really.” “Well, burgers it is.” They were in the dining room to eat this time. Long banquet table. Pinkie and Twilight just took one of the corners and ate at a diagonal to each other, not quite next-to, not quite across-from. There was something extra fun about eating fast food on a fancy royal table like this. Twilight inhaled one of the burgers in only two bites, maybe three bites tops. It was hard to tell, she didn’t pause between them long enough for Pinkie to get a good count. “You missed this kind of thing, huh?” Twilight nodded, sending flecks of ketchup flying. Pinkie giggled. “Is my cooking not good enough for you, is it?” Twilight shook her head just as fast, and swallowed a mouthful so big her cheeks had been bulging. “No, your food is really good. What I missed was really bad food.” “Twilight, the breakfasts I make for you are like, one part sugar to one part butter to one part the kind of carbs that aren’t sugar.” “Breakfast doesn’t count.” Twilight corrected, grabbing another burger from the pile. “Breakfast is the miraculous transubstantiation of junk food into healthy food. It’s why it’s the most important meal of the day.” “Are breakfasts still magic even... you know...” Pinkie gestured at the full moon out the window, “without the day part? Or does it mean every meal can be breakfast now?” “Well, if we’re being serious here... Which we are, because breakfast is very serious business,” Twilight bit a quarter pounder messily in half, then continued talking with most of it still in her mouth, “it’s the first meal you eat after waking up, which is ‘fasting’. So you ‘break’ your ‘fast’. Breakfast.” “So why’s it pronounced brek-fist as opposed to break-fast?” “What am I, a linguist?” Pinkie was about to laugh, but then she realized she actually didn’t know. “Are you?” Twilight did laugh. “Actually, I’ve been reading some really interesting books on the idea of language as an instinctual thing, as opposed to a learned one, and figuring out the kind of universal grammar that ponies think in. It’s been really useful in learning how to decode some of these old languages I keep running into. There’s this seapony named Chum Nomsky-” Owlowiscious hooted grumpily. Twilight rolled her eyes. “Yes, you can have as many chips as you want, just don’t get sick.” The owl chirped in delight as it swooped the table, grabbing two clawfuls of chips and flying off. Pinkie giggled. “So how have you two been getting along?” “He’s a very good listener, which I think I’ve needed right now.” “Am I not a good listener?” Twilight flinched, choking on her burger. Pinkie moved to thwack her on the back, but Twilight held up a ‘one moment’ hoof and shook her head, working down the rest of it. “Sorry, just caught me off guard. No, Pinkie, you’re a fantastic listener.” “Huh. So you wanted a good listener to talk about me to, huh?” Twilight nearly choked again, but caught herself this time. “Pinkie!” “Ooh, that’s a big yes.” Pinkie grinned. “Twilight, are you gossiping?” Owlowiscious laughed raucously from somewhere down the hall. “Owls are very good listeners, apparently.” Twilight said, taking a slurp from her styrofoam cola cup. “Were they nice things at least?” Twilight blushed furiously as Owlowiscious’s downright maniacal laughter confirmed that, yeah, it was nice things. Pinkie nodded, satisfied with that, and took a big bite out of her own burger. “That’s all I needed to know.” Pinkie shouted down the hall, “Thanks, handsome!” “I would never- I mean- if you were worried-” “I wasn’t, really, I just thought it was funny. I know you needed someone else to talk to, and it’s not like there’s a ton of other things to talk about.” Twilight took another long slurp from her cola. “It’s still embarrassing.” “Why?” Pinkie tilted her head, genuinely curious. “Well it’s... I don’t know!” Twilight threw her hooves up in frustration. Pinkie mimicked her, throwing her hooves up in the same way, “I don’t know either!” “I guess it’s like... do you ever feel embarrassed excusing yourself to go to the bathroom? Everypony does it, but it feels weird to let people know specifically, you know?” “I guess, actually. Yeah, why is that so weird?” Twilight shrugged. “I don’t know, but I know it’s something that happens.” “Oh! Speaking of gossip!” Pinkie pounced on the segue while she remembered, “I was going to talk to Rarity soon! Is there anything you want me to ask?” Twilight went totally cold. All the little movements, the tapping of her hoof under the table, the way she flicked her fringe out of her eyes every now and again, it all stopped. Just... stopped all at once. “You’re seeing Rarity? Why?” Pinkie shrugged. “We used to be friends. We nearly saved the world together, once.” “Once.” Twilight agreed, coldly. She put the burger she’d picked up back down and wiped her lips on one of the napkins they’d stuffed into the paper bag underneath the food. “I guess you didn’t know her for as long as I did, either.” Pinkie admitted, feeling bad now for asking. “It’s fine. I’m not mad at you,” Twilight said, obviously very angry in general, but Pinkie believed her that she wasn’t mad at Pinkie, “I just want you to ask her ‘why’.” “Ah, okay.” Pinkie hesitated, bracing herself, “Why what?” Twilight kicked the table, hard enough that the entire room-long banquet table shuddered. “Why she gave up the second the elements failed. Why she joined Nightmare Moon so quickly. Why she didn’t even try to fight. Even Rainbow Dash tried!” “Rainbow’s still trying!” Pinkie cut in, “I talked to her too. She’s just trying from inside the system!” Twilight sagged, like an old puppet whose strings were finally snapping under the weight of years, “I’m sure she is. But it’s like trying to lift a bucket up from the inside, isn’t it?” “What do you mean?” “She can only do as much as she has the Shadowbolts trust her. If she wants to do anything good, she has to earn their trust.” “Yeah, it’s why Rainbow said she was waiting for something really big to come along before she blew it.” “That’s the thing, Pinkie. If she wants to be there to do one big good, she’s going to have to earn it with a thousand little evils.” Twilight sighed, slow and shivering like she’d come in from the cold. “I couldn’t do that. Because as long as Luna doesn’t overplay herself, she’s gotten a lifetime of free evils out of Dash that she’s never going to be able to pay off.” Pinkie stood up out of her chair, knocking it over. “Are you saying our biggest problem could be Black Snootie not being evil enough?” Twilight held her face in her hooves. “Maybe? But we can’t make things worse just to make ponies care more.” She went totally monotone, like she didn’t believe it at all but was pretending to herself she did, “Because that would be evil.” Pinkie hesitated. “I try not to ask this, because I know you’re trying as hard as you can and I don’t want to put more pressure on you but...” She took a big inhale, caught her breath. Wanted to get this out in one go before she backed out of it. “Do you have any plans on how to defeat right now?” Twilight let go of her hooves and let her forehead ‘donk’ against the edge of the table. Her half-eaten burger jumped on the table. “The Elements came from the Tree of Harmony. Without them, we need something else that could restore the Tree... If I can find evidence of an artefact with enough harmony magic in it? We could use that.” “Is there one?” “If all the myths and rumours are true?” She leaned back up off the table, with all the confidence her Explaining Things Voice could provide her. “There’s a few. But they’re all myths and rumours! It’s why I’m so busy studying -- I either have to solve an archaeological mystery that dozens of ponies have failed at, which might not even have an answer, or I have to find out about a different artefact that’s more plausible, or accessible.” “I think the real myth in Equestria is finding the myth that’s only a myth.” Pinkie looked up at the sky, even though a ceiling was in the way. “Everything around here has a nasty habit of being really real.” “Here’s the hope that works for us, rather than just against us.” Pinkie thought about that, frowned. “Hey, you think that means that the thing about, uh, your eyeballs getting hairy might be true, then?” “Definitely not.” Twilight declared firmly, still in Teacher Mode, “Some mothers just tell their children that to discourage them from urges that the mothers think their children are too young for. Apparently doctors say while it’s uncomfortable to think about, it’s totally natural and spreading rumours like this is just harmful to a child’s emotional development at a critical time.” “Huh.” Now here Pinkie had a conundrum. She knew what Twilight had been reading about recently but she couldn’t let Twilight knew how she knew. But there was no way she wasn’t going to tease Twilight about this. Twilight was also so ridiculously easily flustered she’d be way too busy thinking about how to defend herself way more than to pay attention... She made a calculated risk, and took a measured shot. “Wow. Where’d you read that?” Twilight’s mouth snapped shut, and all the blood fell away from her face. “Uh, book about common myths we tell kids.” “Really? That sounds super interesting. Could I borrow it from you?” “Uh! I can’t think of a reason why not?” “Neat!” Pinkie pretended she was totally oblivious to just how panicked Twilight was right now. “Can I ask which one it is? So I can get it before I forget about it.” “You could. You could ask that.” Twilight agreed, nodding like her neck was getting stiff but she was trying to avoid setting off a motion detector. “So?” “So what?” “So, what’s the book.” Pinkie helped her along. “Should I just get Owlowiscious to get it for me?” “Oh! Yes. Owlowiscius! He can totally get you the book I’m talking about here. That one. I’ll go ask him now-” Owlowiscious swooped in with the book Twilight had kept next to her bedside, the one with the bookmark in it. He gave Twilight a helpful smile, and skittered along the table for some more fries. Twilight’s face went completely blank and neutral. She was thinking so hard, that she’d kind of left her body and reality for a moment. Pinkie was starting to feel a little mean, but she hadn’t expected Owlowiscious to be such a willing accomplice. That alone sort of reassured her she wasn’t pushing things too far. The bookmark was open on the chapter about first crushes. It was covered in highlighter in some sections, and angry black marks in others, and lots of furious read pen in the margins. Apparently Twilight had found it a little... condescending. There was a tiny drawing of a red-pen unicorn stomping the word ‘relax’ to death. Twilight jerked the book back away and glared at Owlowiscious, who shrugged. He’d just done what he’d been told. “It was the only book I could find in the library about crushes, okay?” “There wasn’t a book on dating advice and stuff?” “There was, but it was all either really stupid, or... beyond my skill level.” She grit her teeth, clutching the book to her chest. “Wait, does this mean you’re thinking about meeting somepony?” Pinkie gasped, “Twilight, that’s fantastic!” Owlowiscious threw a fry at the side of her head. Apparently owls could arch their eyebrows. Who knew? Twilight got up, pushing her chair out from the dining table and letting it scrape against the stone floor. “I don’t have time for that, Pinkie. I can’t afford that kind of distraction.” Owlowiscious threw a fry at the back of her head, too, as she turned to leave. Twilight brushed it off. “So why were you looking it up?” “Because I couldn’t stop it from distracting me anyway. I- I’m being really vague right now aren’t I?” “Yeah. I’m really confused. Who did you even meet out here? Was it a pen pal, or...?” Twilight stood in the open doorway, hoof resting on the handle ready to close the door behind her. Owlowiscious flew in front of her and landed on the floor, glaring up at her, tapping a claw against the stone tiles impatiently. Twilight growled. “We haven’t known each other long enough for you to take that attitude with me, mister.” The owl rolled its eyes and pointed back at Pinkie with a wingtip. Then its expression softened as it made the best, most reassuring ‘well, go on then’ gesture it could. Owls were very expressive creatures when they wanted to be. Twilight turned, looking Pinkie in the eye. “It’s you, Pinkie. I really like you, and it’s been distracting me. I've thought about it so much, and I hate it. Say you like me back: we try dating and I can’t divide my attention so cleanly between you and work anymore. There are expectations of a relationship I couldn’t live up to, even though I’d want to. So desperately. I have to make a decision to either work less, or give up on the relationship. I can’t work less, not when the fate of Equestria depends on us, so we break up. There’s a distance between us after, and I have you even less than I do now. If you can even stay around me at all.” Twilight shrugged, and couldn’t hold eye contact anymore, looked down at the corner of the doorway. “Or we don’t. There’s rejection. At which point even admitting my feelings for you might as well skip us to the breakup stage, only I never even had a chance for something better. And I hate myself for ruining everything with a question that was best left unasked.” Pinkie stared at Twilight. She felt really small, like the room had grown to gigantic proportions around her and she sat in her chair in her childhood body. Twilight was the smartest pony she’d ever met, and she’d used all of it to sit down, plan out, and prove to herself what a weak, selfish person she was for having a crush and how everything was terrible forever now. Judging by the book, a first crush at that. Twilight was older than she was, that was... honestly kind of really flattering? Okay so add that to the jumble of emotions right now; gnawing sadness that Twilight was hurting, confusion that this was all happening at once even though it obviously wasn’t, panic that she had no idea what to do about this now that she did know, and being really flattered that apparently she was... interesting? enough to ruin someone’s life. That was cool. And before she had worked out what to say to that, Twilight had already left. Stoic, measured footsteps broke apart into a desperate gallop after only a few seconds. Owlowiscious stood, stone-still and wide-eyed. This obviously isn’t what he expected, either. After a second, he tore down the hallway after Twilight, silent as he’d ever been. Pinkie wasn't good at thinking about things. She either knew what to do, or she didn't. Right now, more than anything, she wanted to just tell Twilight everything was okay, give her a big hug, sit her down in a comfy chair and bake her some chocolate chip cookies, and make everything okay again. But that wasn't an answer. And no matter what she answered, Twilight would be unhappy about it. But that wasn't to say not asking was the right solution either; that was why Twilight had been so-- Oh gosh. When she was telling Twilight to take a day off, the day off she'd described had totally sounded like her idea of a perfect date or something, didn't it? And she'd been stressed out because she was trying not to ask Pinkie on a date. So that was why she got such an awkward hug out of it and- Okay a lot of things made a lot more sense now. Lines were connecting the dots in Pinkie's head -- forget the lines, she hadn't even seen half the dots until now. That was... that was a lot to take in. No, no no, Twilight had overthunk it and this is what happened. If there was a solution you could come to just by thinking about the problem hard enough, that would have happened by now, and it hadn't. And Pinkie wasn't nearly as good at that kind of thinking. Pinkie was going to bake the everloving heck out of some cookies, because there's no point second guessing yourself if you got it right the first time. No. Wait. She did have a better idea than cookies.