//------------------------------// // The pasing of an Icon. // Story: Hoity Toity Gets Possessed By Duke Nukem. // by thewaffler //------------------------------// Duke woke up in his lavish hotel suite in Arlington, Texas when he felt the call on nature. Duke normally lived in his penthouse apartment on top on his own hotel and casino aptly named “The Lady Killer”. He was in Texas as part of his book signing tour. His book titled, ”Go Fuck Yourself: I’m Duke Nukem” had been on top of the New York best seller list for the past six months and the people wanted to only bask in his glory as he was the most important beloved being on the planet. He looked down at the sheets of his king sized mattress to see four female forms underneath the covers and around the room to survey what had occurred last night; he saw two kegs, a mountain of cocaine the size of a man, a donkey, a passed out midget in a clown suit, various chains and leather on the floor, and an unknown substance on the ceiling. You see for the uninitiated Duke loved three things in life: women, grain alcohol, and kicking ass and taking names. At this site, this for anyone else would have been the greatest night their lives, but for The King in was just another Tuesday night. He slowly got out of bed and looked at the collateral damage and went to the bathroom to drain the beast. He got out and looked at the alarm clock. “All Fuck, I needed to be on the road hours ago.” Duke put on his denims, red wife beater, and size eleven boots and left the room quietly, but not before snorting some of that coke and whipping out his wallet and placing five thousand dollars in cash on the nightstand. He got into his tour bus to which his driver Alfonzo asked him if he had had breakfast. Duke wiped his nose of powder residue. “Yeah I had breakfast Alfonzo, breakfast of champions,” Duke said with a laugh. They were on their way and all of a sudden traffic came to a complete halt near a suspension bridge just outside of Dallas. Duke got off the bus to see what was going on and heard cries for help. “The bridge is collapsing and there’s a stuck bus full of orphans on their way to get heart transplants and the driver is only two days away from retirement,” an old man yelled. ‘It’s hero time. I can probably save the kids, but the driver is dead either way cause I know what happens when your two weeks away from retirement,’ thought Duke. He proceeded to platform over the parked and stopped cars in the way to save those damn kids. He final got to the shaking bridge and he saw the suspension cables snapping. One of the cables stuck the bus violently and came down with enough force to kill the bus driver and spew his gore all over the screaming tikes. Duke had to act fast. “You kids climb on to my shoulders and neck,” shouted Duke. They did as they were instructed and he ran with ten kids clinging on to him. He got them to stable ground when he left to get the remaining four children. The bridge was getting worse with every passing second. He got to bus and gathered the remaining orphans and this time even Duke with his stamina of a charging rhino was exhausted and blurry eyed as he ran towards the end of the bridge trying to dodge the debris. He looked down for a brief moment and saw that the ground was giving out from beneath him and he was only eight feet from the end and with no hope of surviving he threw the kids to solid ground just has the bridge finally collapsed sending over 16 tons of twisted steel and tarmac raining down upon Duke as the people from the road leading to the former bridge watched in shock as a man who not only saved this planet twice but gave his life to save nature’s lowliest creatures. GAME OVER Duke was deader than a door knob and yet his mind was still conscious as he had woken up in a black void when he heard a male voice call out to him is a tinge of excitement to his voice. He looked as a figure in a dark cloak appeared to him welding a scythe. “Duke Nukem, I’m a big fan. Oh, boy the other reapers are gonna be so jealous that I get to take the soul of the one, the only DUKE “MOTHERFUCKING” NUKEM. Could you please sign my scythe?” Duke just stood there in disbelief as he meet a grim reaper who was gushing on about him like a raging fanboy. The fact that he was dead didn’t bother him so much as how less creepier and cool the grim reaper is when he’s acting like a virgin man-child. “Uh, yeah. You gotta pen,” asked Duke as the squealing reaper produced a silver permanent marker. “Who do I make it out to?” “To my best friend Tim Hoskins the best grim reaper ever,” exclaimed Tim the reaper as Duke signed the scythe and handed it back to him. “Thanks, Duke. Well I guess It’s time I take your so— Duke interrupted Tim as he grabbed the scythe and tore a hole into the void and jumped in. His spectral image going into another universe and another dimension, if you asked him why he did it he’d tell you that he couldn’t spend another minute with this panty waste of a grim reaper and just winging it seems to be the best option. *If you wanna know how he knew that that would happen when he took the scythe from the reaper. A wizard did it.* Meanwhile in Manehattan a white haired maned and gray coated Earth pony named Hoity Toity was at a fashion show and expo. He was making small talk with some of the designers and models. Most ponies had two misconceptions about the fashion consultant and fashion designer. One was that he was coltcuddler as the tabloids suggested. It wasn’t true it’s just that Hoity is a workaholic and that the one mare he had his eyes on made his throat tighten, caused him to stutter and knees begin to buckle. In other words he turned into a complete idiot. Even before he met her, he was never actively seeking companionship; which is probably how those nasty rumors got started in the first place. The second misconception they had was that he was a pompous jerk. Hoity was pompous yes, but a jerk no. He was just a stallion with very little patience and a large schedule. Hoity could tell the occasional cocktail joke and make small talk; heck, he even had a few close friends. As Hoity was congratulating the model known as Silver Star on a magnificent performance on the catwalk she walked in to the room. It was Photo Finish a light blue mare with a white mane and she just happened to be Equestria’s best fashion photographer. She was a true artist and a camera was her paintbrush. The single still images she took could do more justice to a subject than words could ever accomplish on their own. Photo was the subject all Hoity’s fantasies and the only mare could appreciate true beauty like him. He had been introduced to her at an art exhibit about a month ago in Canterlot. Normally the stallion had no issues talking to anyone, but this time he could only sputter, stutter and stammer out sentence fragments. He continued to do this till he managed to excuse him himself. Flash forward to tonight and there Photo exactly the same as she appeared a month ago albeit this time with her entourage of yes ponies and assistants. She was there chatting with a former client of his and once she was done she started walking towards Hoity was a small smile on her face. He felt his chest tighten and as she walked toward him and then all of a sudden a bright flash of light stuck Hoity. He fell down immediately as if he had been hit by a train. Photo and the others were shocked, as he watched his world go black. Three days later “Ah, my head. Where am I,” mumbled Hoity as he observed an IV in his right front leg as the rest of the rubbing alcohol scented room came into focus. Then a brown coated unicorn stallion with a white lab coat spoke. “Oh, good you’re awake. Hello, Mr. Toity I’m Doctor Saver. You’re in Manehattan General Hospital and you were rushed here three days ago after you supposedly suffered a nasty fall in lounge area of that big fashion show and expo.” “How’d I get here and what’s wrong with me, Doctor?” “A very worried blue mare with a thick accent brought you here and to answer your other question we found a spike in brain activity, but it’s doesn’t look like anything is physically wrong with you.” “May, I leave. I am very busy and three days is far too long of a vacation from my work load.” “Only if you’re felling well enough to leave under your own power and I’ll just need you to fill out these discharge papers and you’re free to go.” Hoity is out of hospital and back in his posh penthouse in the Upper East Side. A lot of thought are on his mind like, ‘what was that light that struck me? What shall I do about Photo, should I thank her with a dinner at one of the finest restaurants? And why do I have the sudden urge to consume mass quantities of Beer and nachos at 10 AM in the morning?’ He shook his head violently trying to dispel these thoughts. ‘Maybe some sleep in my own bed will help me get my mind straight,’ thought Hoity as he walked into his master bedroom, plopped down on the bed and drifted off to sleep. However little he know there was a someone else in his mind slowly gaining consciousness. Next Chapter: The Colt with Two Brains.