My Little Dynamite: Book Two

by Fuzzyfurvert


Roach Rodeo

The caribou village of the Great Gate was, traditionally, a quiet place where the Arboreal Tribe once maintained a constant—if relaxed—vigil over the mountain pass which led to the Forbidden Lands.  Half of the year, the days were long, the sun low enough to paint the craggy snow capped mountains in shades of red and orange. The nights, conversely, were short and sweet, the sun’s light lining the horizon to cast the world in cozy purple twilight for a couple of hours.  Rarely was the Great Gate lost in the shadows, but this night under the heavy cloud cover of an unnatural storm, it was as much a void of blackness as it was a barrier.

Until light, sharp and bright, flashed from the elder’s hut, illuminating the lower part of the wall.  Thunder followed the light, rolling twice from the hut’s windows and bouncing off the Gate to shout at the sky.  After the flashes, darkness descended again on the abandoned village, barely held back by a faint blue tinted glow flickering through the slats of the elder’s home.

Inside the hallway, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza lifted her minotauran-made blunderbuss above her head with her magic.  She flipped it around with a thought and brought it down like a sledge, heavy reinforced oaken butt first, on the prone form of a zebra.  The blow connected, the feedback from her horn grip telling her the target was a lot harder and more solid than the striped fur would imply.  The hull breacher bounced off, the strips starting to run like wet paint and merging together, the black revealing an insectile carapace.

The zebra-ne-changeling coughed up something thick and yellow that smelt sickly sweet, turning over to scramble away from the approaching fury of Cadance.  “How? Nopony has ever…” It coughed wetly again. “This isn’t what was supposed to happen!”

Cadance growled wordlessly and let the gun swing wide, glancing off the changeling's retreating flank and sending the would-be assassin into an uncontrolled wobble that bounced off the wall a few paces in front of her.  “Two things.” Cadance stopped and took a steadying breath. “One, you aren’t as good of an actress as you think. You didn’t even try to get Zecora’s lovely accent right—not that I think you could. Two, I’m not stupid.  This isn’t my first time to the changeling assassination rodeo.”

The changeling, its features more bug than equine now, shifted the plates of exoskeleton that made its face into a smile.  It coughed and spit out a hoofful of ichor and a deformed lump of lead. “Then you really should have known to bring a bigger gun, Princess.”  It lunged forward, one pony-like limb stretching impossibly long and morphing into more dull black uneven and pitted chitin. The leg hooked the narrow barrel and ripped it out of Cadance’s magic, smashing the gun against the hardened logs of the hut wall.

Cadance gasped, her year of harsh training under the Mustangian brawl masters kicking in.  She dropped the grip on her gun and flared out her wings to push herself back as a second limb, twisted into a sharp stinger stabbed into the space she had stood in.  That chitinous barb dripped with more of that sweet smelling fluid, no doubt poisonous enough to make a viper blush. Cadance focused on the tip, keeping her attention on the physical point of danger.  In the fuzzy, dim distance she could just make out movement from the true Zecora. All it would take was a moment, a blink and the changeling would be on the old pony, and the last thing she wanted was to allow a hostage situation to arise.  Behind her, she could hear Spike and Twilight roaring for her to get out of the way, to let them rain Tartarus itself down on the invader. If she did that, Zecora could be just as good as dead if she let the changeling move. She had to hold.  She had to keep its attention until the others could safely take over.

Princess Mi Amore Cadenza growled, dropping low and holding her forelegs back, her chin practically on the floor.  Her horn fired, calling her vambraces to her. Someone, probably Spike, yelped in surprise when the two enchanted pieces of her raimeinent flew to her, latching to her hooves in time for Cadance to throw herself back forward.  She twisted at the same time, extending the twin blades normally kept hidden in the armor, and drove the twin spears at her opponent. The changeling, all bug now but more or less pony-shaped, pulled itself back, retreating down the hall on its back.  Huge multifaceted eyes stared back at Cadance, full of malice and flat with murder. She bared her teeth when she landed on top of it, one blade glancing off a plate of black, but the other found a weakened spot from the earlier spray of shot from the hull-breacher.  Cadance leaned all her weight and momentum into it, forcing her way into the monster’s abdomen until the plates on the changeling’s back stopped her. Up close, her muzzle a breath away, Cadance was sure she saw a twinge of fear in those alien eyes.

“Cadance!”

“Princess, get out of the way!”

Cadance ignored the shouting behind her.  She glared at the changeling, her voice hissing out between clenched teeth.  “We’ve got you now. You’re not getting out of here.”

“We’ll...see about that.”  The changeling grunted, wrapping its forelimbs around the alicorn while the flexible anatomy of its innards clamped around the blade stabbed through it.  “Thanks for providing me with a shield, Princess. The Midnight Lord should get a good laugh out of you dying to your own comrades’ attacks…” The last word came out like a wheeze, the monster forcing them both up off the floor with surprising strength.  Cadance tried to yank herself away, but that same strength held her in place. “The Queen might not like it, but who cares, so long as you’re dead, am I right?”

The changeling spared her a grizzly grin before looking past her toward the common room where Spike and Twilight held ground.   “Go ahead and let your drake off its leash! Twenty bits says I get out anyway and this pretty little mare dies in the confusion!  I’d wager those nags in their castle won’t even hold you responsible...assuming they survive long enough to make it back.”

What?”  Twilight yelled, wide eyed, leveling her battle staff down the hallway.  “Survive what? What the holy hay is going on here?” She charged her horn, calling up the matrices for a half dozen spells.  Getting Cadance out of this situation alive was her primary concern, but the changeling’s statements about the Royal Sisters rattled her.  A quick glance to her side showed the same conflict rolling across Spike’s face. Lowering her voice to a whisper, Twilight flattened her ears back and aimed her horn to keep her mouth out of view, “Spike, on my mark, we rush.  Go for the legs. I’ll go for the body as soon as we have Cady in the clear.”

Spike huffed, reptilian lips edging back to reveal sharp teeth, and nodded.  He gathered himself, muscles bunching under scales and the spines along his back stating to extend in preparation for the pounce.

Down the hall, the changeling’s grip on Cadance tightened.  “Don’t think I can’t hear you. Try it, I dare you!”

“Twilight...is the greatest Battlemage...in Equestria.”  Cadance wheezed. “She won’t miss.”

“I’m willing to take that risk, Princess Flesh Shield.  But just to make sure I’m the only one walking away from this…”  The changeling chuckled, its face plates coming loose and rearranging its jaw into something out of the nightmares of other nightmares.  It split into barbed mandibles, too many of them to be anything other than the biological essence of terror, mixing spider, mantis, and a hint of octopi beak with pony muzzle.  When it spoke again, the changeling’s smooth feminine voice was virtually unchanged. “I always wanted to kiss a real Princess!”

“Kiss dis!”

The changeling hissed and gurgled, its many mandible-ed mouth closing down on glass instead of pony throat.  The thin vial shattered, its contents splattering the changeling’s face. What didn’t go over it went inside and wherever the clear fluid touched, the chitin started to sizzle and pucker up.  The thing howled, once smooth voice now gravely and wet. Cadance twisted in its grip and met the steely gaze of Zecroa, the old witch doctor ready with another vial.

Seeing the changeling flail, letting its hold on Cadance loosen as it tried to desperately wipe its face clean, Zecora grabbed the Princess’ nape with her teeth and hauled them both away from the bug.

“Now Twilight!”

Cadance shut her eyes.  A split second later as another flash of magical light lit the night brighter than noonday.  Heat washed over her from the spell, hoof to horn, followed by a near deafening ’kaboom.’  Scales pressed into her, holding her down on top of Zecora, her wings flattened awkwardly against the floor and wall simultaneously.  She opened her eyes to see Spike looming over them like a shield, fangs bare as the light and heat repeated, the noise crashing into them like a physical weight heavy enough to shake the home to its foundations.  She could hear the muted sounds of wood splitting. She could smell burnt meat and a moment later she felt the cool wind from outside sweep down the hallway.

When Spike lifted off her, Cadance looked back where the changeling had crouched and all that remained was a skid mark and a few remaining droplets of whatever ichor passed for blood in those things.  The end of the hall was simply gone. The edges of the walls and roof, a structure made from thick pine logs, were ragged and more than a little on fire. Past that darkness swallowed the wreckage and the leftovers of her would-be assassin.  Cadance took a deep, rough, breath and tried to will her heart to slow while she looked back under her wings for Zecora. “A-are you alright?”

“Aye.”  Zecora lifted her head slowly, her high mane limp and stringy, but her eyes were still as firm as ever.  “I’m alive. You?”

“Same, thanks to you.”

“You welcome.  Was wrong it turn a flank to me.”  Zecora managed a grin, blood on her gums.  “Good to know the poison I make to keep away wasps and spiders in the Everfree work on shadows like that too.”

“Cadance!”

Both alicorn and zebra looked up to a face full of purple fur and mane, Twilight plowing into them physically as hard as her spells hit the changeling.  Candance gasped, wrapping her hooves reflexively around the battlemage. “Twilight, calm down! I’m alright!” She struggled for air and patted Twilight on the back.  “It’s okay...I’m perfectly fine.”

“But you could have been very extra not okay, Cady!”  Twilight squeezed, burrowing her face into Cadance’s shoulder.  She rubbed her muzzle there, not caring if the princess felt or heard her tears.  “Don’t scare me like that, princess...please. I’m your protector. It’s my job to keep you out of harm’s way as much as equinely possible.  This is already a completely messed up situation...I don’t need the extra stress of you putting yourself into a dangerous trap like that.”

Twilight sniffed, her nose starting to feel runny and pulled back off of Cadance before she slimed all over the other mare.  “Please. Please don’t do that again.”

“Twily.”  Cadance patted Twilight, holding them chest to chest as she caught Twilight’s eyes.  The mulberry orbs looking back at her were watery and strained, bags already forming under them.  I wonder how I look? Cadance swallowed. Does the stress show on my face too? She forced herself to smile a little.  “I won’t do it again, but I couldn’t let—”

Twilight shoved her hoof against Cadance’s lips and leaned in to touch the tips of their horns together.  “It doesn’t matter why you did it, Cady, I know you aren’t stupid. But do not do it again. My heart can’t take it.”  She waited for Cadance to nod, then she wiped the back of her hoof across her face and kissed her princess deeply. It wasn’t a playful kiss, or one where two tongues danced, or even a kiss where one set of lips fought for dominance over the other.  It was a simple, straight forward kiss. A kiss where one heart communicates as directly and unambiguously as possible to another heart that they care, and please don’t die. Because that makes hearts very upset.

Cadance murmured into the kiss, her eyes closing for a long moment between heartbeats.  When her mouth was no longer engaged, Cadance took in a deep breath and looked up at her back-lit protector.  “I won’t. I promise, Twilight.” She licked at her lips for a second and whispered softly between their muzzles.  “The building is on fire, Twily.”

“I’m on it.”  Spike snorted and pushed himself up, helping Zecora to her hooves in the same move.  “We can’t stick around though. Grab your stuff and keep the make out session short, ladies.”


The top of the caribou’s massive gate was inky black and damp.  The unnatural heat on the wind from the storm melting the permafrost that had covered every inch of the sharpened logs.  The village was lost in the darkness below them on one side, while the other side might as well have ceased to exist, the night and cloud cover was so complete.  The storm was still going, the wind roaring like some colossal beast through the canyon pass between the peaks. Beyond the gate was the Forbidden Lands of the caribou.  A place of legends and evil. A place of monsters.

Cadance swallowed, tugging her cloak closer over her barrel.  Her aunts were out there somewhere. The Royal Sisters’ airship had passed this way hours ago and now she was about to follow them into the unknown.  But at least she wasn’t going alone. Cadance glanced over at the small landing where the perch was widest. She could barely make them out, but Twilight and Spike were making final adjustments to his flight saddle.  After the fight, they’d snuffed the little fires lapping at the building and made sure that the changeling that attacked was truly no longer a threat to anyone. Then they had climbed the stairs up here and looked for a way down the other side.  There wasn’t one, so that left one option with two ponies that couldn’t fly on their own.

Twilight had Spike’s flight saddle magically miniaturized since they’d flown into the Everfree.  Cadance sighed. That was less than two days ago, but it feels like years have passed! She was tired, but wired from the assassination attempt.  Nothing made sense to her and she felt lost for the first time in literal years. Her skills at diplomacy and espionage were of little use out here in the waste and she felt like an anchor more than the sail that propelled them forward.  I need to get back on my game, and fast. Out here we are not safe and I refuse to become a liability. Celestia guide me.

There was a shout and flash of magic as Twilight completed her preparations.  Spike growled louder than the storm as arcane lighting arced over him and he transformed into his huge, winged form.  He arched his back and slid into the straps and harness with practiced ease. Cadance smirked while Spike shook the saddle to balance out the weight.  Her aunts could protect themselves. She just needed to follow their example and listen to Celestia’s advice about keeping close to her bodyguard. Twilight would keep her safe, no matter what, but it was her duty to make sure she kept Twilight away from situations that required too much of the mare.  

“Okay!”  Spike snorted green flame, illuminating the platform.  “All aboard! From way up here, I should be able to keep us in the pass until we can clear the mountains.  Pretty easy with all these up drafts.”

“We don’t know what’s out there, let alone what’s generating this storm,”  Twilight ruminated, her face hard and neutral as she gazed into the darkness beyond the gate, “so stay low in case we need to bail.”

“Are you ready?”  Cadance put a hoof gently on Zecora’s shoulder.  The older mare had been quiet since they’d left the village below.  So many stairs had been hell on her.

Zecora looked up at Cadance, breathing shallow but slow.  “Yes.” She nodded a second later, turning to make one more climb into the night sky.  The Princess positioned behind her, wings on her flanks to lift. “If I were a younger mare, I be insulted.  But...you have my t’anks, Princess.”

“Think nothing of it.”  Cadance followed Zecora up onto Spike’s back and settled into the wide saddle next to the zebra.  “I know I’ve said it a dozen times already, but thank you. You really turned the tide of that fight.  That was brave and stupid.”

“T’ose be de basic ingredients of courage, Princess.”  Zecora shot Cadance a look, flicking her ears at Twilight as the battlemage climbed up to join them.  “Somet’ing you two ‘ave in spades. I t’ink we gonna need a lot of it w’ere we going. Next time, maybe we not cut it so close?”

“Hopefully.”  Cadance sighed, watching Twilight out of the corner of her eyes, her voice soft and low.  “I’d really rather not be responsible for any deaths in the next day or so.”

“Dawn’s a few hours from now.”  Twilight turned from her seat at the front of the saddle, her horn sparking to life with a simple spell to illuminate the area.  She grabbed the harness straps that let her guide and direct Spike without speaking, wrapping them tightly around her hooves. “There is plenty of time left for another attack, and no matter how many times any of us have been to the assassination rodeo at this point, I want to avoid it for as long as can.  I don’t want to have to kill any more monsters.”

Twilight furrowed her brow, narrowing her spell’s area to intensify her light from a pale glow to a laser like beam that could cut through the black from Spike’s back down to the log stairs they’d just traversed.  The wind whipped around them harder, howling from the mountain pass, twisting Twilight’s hair up and throwing wild shadows everywhere. She looked back over the gate, away from Cadance and Zecora, and raised her voice over the storm’s.  “Hold on, this is going to a hell of a drop.”

Spike snorted, adding a blast of green flame to Twilight’s light as he lifted them all up to the very edge of the Forbidden Lands.  It faded in an instant. Then they were over the crest and the world tilted at a crazy angle, the direction of the wind shifting drastically as they fell back down the other side of the gate.  Twilight rocked back with the motion, her long mane fanning out like the wings of some dark bird. Cadance screamed. Zecora’s eyes went wide and she clamped her teeth on the side of the saddle.  The ground raced up to meet them, all gray rock and snowmelt wet soil. Then Spike’s wings flared out and caught the air, turning the plummet into a graceful, blisteringly fast, swoop. The saddle righted itself along with the arc of the swoop, collapsing into a gentle slope while Twilight’s torch light showed them the way between the mountains.

They flew in silence from there, twisting and turning around the peaks, following the path nature had carved from the earth.  Outside the flash of stone here and there, they may as well have been flying through some void. It went on and on without stop, black darkness, black-grey stone, more black darkness with darker black clouds above.

Cadance didn’t know when she fell asleep, but the next thing she knew, she was being shaken awake by Zecora.  The old zebra nodded up at the sky, where the light of predawn was starting to define the edges of angry stormheads heavy with rain or snow.  Cadance blinked a few times and lifted her head to look out around them. “Are...are those houses?”

Below them, in every direction, were the ruins of houses.  Thousands of them. They looked ancient, simultaneously aged and somehow recent all the same.  The rubble of roads stuck out between the houses and around those, at the edges of her vision, were barren fields.  “Where are we?”

No pony answered her.

Cadance groaned and lifted herself back up all the way to move closer to Twilight.  “Twily? What’s going on? Where did...all this...come…” The last word died on her tongue.  In front of them, miles yet ahead, was a castle to rival even Canterlot’s in both size and grandeur.  It stood at the center of the ruins, whole, its spires pointing at the heavens like some monolithic sundial.  If that were not enough, even in the dim lighting, she could see the palace sparkle like a freshly unearthed crystal.

And at the foot of this impossible palace, there lay the smoking hulk of a Canterlot airship.