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// Cold Open 
// Story: Zanzebrican Boogaloo 
// by MagnetBolt 
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They say the most honorable thing a pony can do with their life is to serve their country. When I was a foal, I decided I was going to join the Royal Guard and be just like the stallions protecting Equestria from the savage invaders that hated us for our friendship.
It was quickly noticed by my superior officers that I had a particular set of skills, a sense of personal responsibility and a keen ear for the call to action. Also, they noticed I was a fairly small mare and that I wasn’t very intimidating even in armor. Ponies with less initiative might have ended up with a desk job or some kind of undercover work in a backwater town.
I had more initiative than most ponies knew what to do with, and that’s why I was wearing a black catsuit and hanging upside-down on the outside of Canterlot Castle, picking the lock on one of the windows.
You’ve probably got a hundred questions for me already. Why was I breaking in through the window instead of using the door? Why was I hanging from a rope when I could fly? Where did I learn to pick locks so well that I could do it with my mouth, upside-down, in the dark?
The answers, respectively, were that I didn’t want to alert the Night Guard, that I needed to keep myself steady to avoid setting off the castle wards, and that I was one of the top operatives in the Equestrian Intelligence Service.
The rest of your questions have to wait, because this delicate operation (code named CKMuna) was well underway and the locks had finally given up against my gentle encouragement to open up and let me in.
Before pulling on the window, I pulled a spray can of oil from my equipment harness and gave the hinges a once-over. Too many spies were caught because of doors creaking at the least opportune times. I levered it open slowly and evenly before rolling inside, tugging at my rope in the right way to dislodge the hook, catching it and pulling it inside so it wouldn’t betray my presence to anypony with the presence of mind to look at the window from outside.
My hooves sank into the plush black carpet, and I considered my next move. The unfortunate part of gathering intelligence was that you often didn’t know what you were looking for until you found it, and the nature of the operation area meant that the greatest care had to be taken to keep things firmly in the realm of plausible deniability.
The nature of the operation was, of course, to determine if Princess Luna aka Nightmare Moon held any unhealthy views regarding her sister’s continued rule. Some of my superiors in the EIS had suggested as much in the meeting since her return, and so I’d proposed a quick operation on a night when we knew she’d be busy, the night of the Grand Galloping Gala. There was no way she’d miss the first major event since her return from the moon and supposed reformation.
Something immediately caught my eye. An elaborate diagram of the night sky pinned to the wall covered with notes in some code that I couldn’t immediately decipher. Lines and calculations were mixed with astrological symbols and what I recognized as magical runes.
“Bingo,” I whispered, pulling the paper down from the wall and rolling it up.
“Who’s there?”
I looked to my left.
Luna looked over the edge of her desk at me.
“You... didn’t go to the Gala,” I said.
“No. I did not.” Princess Luna stood up. She was much shorter than her sister, but she was still much taller than I was. This would be intimidating if not for my advanced combat training, which made me keenly aware that I should be intimidated by her incredible cosmic power instead of her height.
“I thought you were gone. The, um. The lights were out.”
“I am the Princess of the Night. I don’t need a desk lamp.”
I had to think quickly. “I have a very good explanation for this.”
“I cannot wait to hear it,” Princess Luna cleared her throat. “GUARDS!”
The door burst open, and two Night Guards stood in the doorway, hesitating and sizing up the threat. I ran right for them before they were able to decide what to do, jumping over their heads and banking around a tight corner, my tail tingling as a stun bolt backed by the magic of an angry alicorn skimmed past my flank.
“Excuse me! Pardon moi!” I ducked past a maid and into a service corridor, trying to leave the Night Guard behind in the narrow maze of passages between the major areas of the castle.
The first rule of infiltration is to plan out your exfiltration before you need it. With the event going on tonight, my plan had always been to, as the phrase goes, hide a needle in a stack of needles.
I tore off my catsuit, revealing a slim and very expensive dress that was the largest line item on my expense report for tonight’s operation, keeping the rolled-up intel under one wing and grabbing a wine glass from the tray of a passing servant as I pivoted and ducked through a door into Canterlot’s main ballroom.
“Excuse me,” I said quietly, pushing through the crowd.
The Grand Galloping Gala was in full swing, and by the time the Night Guards got through the door, I was chatting with another pony, casually walking towards the buffet table, and they were hopelessly lost.
That was the natural result of mere Guards trying to keep up with an elite agent of the EIS. While they floundered about, I was in the perfect position to complete my mission.
I followed the stream of ponies entering the Gala back to where my boss’ boss’ boss was shaking hooves and gently greeting ponies who had no idea of the dark and sinister plans being conceived of while they were socializing.
“Excuse me, your highness?” I cut in line. It was rude, but this was a national emergency.
Celestia raised an eyebrow
“Matrix,” I reminded her. “Disposition Matrix. I’m with the Service. Section two.”
“I’m afraid there were a few ponies in line ahead of you.” She looked vaguely displeased. I could understand. If I didn’t know how tenuous the situation was, I’d be disgusted at my behavior too.
“I’m sorry about that. I had to come here right away. I found this intelligence myself and it’s critical that you get eyes on it.” I pulled the map of the night sky covered in code from where I’d tucked it away, unfurling it so she could see.
It was going to be a good night.