//------------------------------// // Pinkie's Apiecalypse // Story: Pinkie's Apiecalypse // by Sparkle Cola //------------------------------// Sprinting ahead to catch up to where Rarity and Rainbow had gone, Spike ducked to avoid something from his left. He could hear his heartbeat pounding in his ears, and it was glorious! He knew his vision was a bit sharper than most ponies, but he was going to need to keep his head on a swivel to avoid getting pasted. Or pastrified? Or whatever the word was for getting hit by a pie. Piebald? ...Mmm, no. As for ponies, they were much more adept at hearing, what with their furry and flexible oversized ears, but auditory acuity would not help in this melee. Not when everypony was yowling and shouting in utter pandemonium. Okay, it’s not that bad. Most ponies are hiding under partial cover and hurling pies at a distance. But a dragon could dream, right? “Hey handsome, want some of my pie?” Spike’s eyes sprang wide as he realized his predicament. Death from above! That had sounded like Cloud Kicker exactly behind him and she was descending and closing fast. On a whim, Spike sprang to the side with as much strength as he could muster, his back claws leaving divots from the road behind him. Tucking to perform a over his shoulder, just as Captain Berrytwist had taught him in his new “substitute bodyguard training,” Spike completed the maneuver and sprang to his feet, facing up to his attacker with claws at the ready. Puzzled for a moment, Spike took in the fact that no pie was incoming. Instead, there was only the sight of a hovering Cloud Kicker, smirking as she passed a pie from one hoof to the other. “Great move, Spike! Most impressive...” Cloud Kicker chortled as she tossed her jasmine and lemon chiffon colored mane to the side. “Say, have you been working out?” Spike gave the mare a toothy smile as he stood a little straighter and flexed his pectorals a little. “Nah. Just helping down at Sweet Apple Acres! AJ says I’m lifting almost as much as Macintosh!” Cloud Kicker blinked her eyes flirtatiously as her smile grew a little wider. “That so?” Her eyes panned back and forth before focusing on Spike again, smiling and waggling her eyebrows. “Very nice, I’d say it’s paying off! There’s just one thing, though…” She held the pie up while stroking her chin with the other hoof. “Yeah?” Trying to guess at her intentions, Spike prepared himself to leap to the side again, but the lavender mare had hurled her pie before he could even crouch for the maneuver. The speed was more than he would have expected, because she had used a powerful flap of her wings to give her body a sudden twist, adding the angular velocity of the move to an already tremendous throw. Caught flat footed, the pie impacted the left side of his neck and shoulder, leaving the pie filling to slowly ooze down his back. Completing the spin-move, Cloud Kicker curtsied in the air before saluting. “Gotta be quicker to defeat a Kicker! But don’t worry Spike. You’ll always remember your first!” Giving a playful laugh, the mare zoomed back up towards the top of Town Hall as Spike watched her go, her long tail snapping in the wind behind her. Unsure whether to be annoyed or amused at his plight, Spike shook his head and brushed off what he could. At least he didn’t have a furry coat to worry about when it came to getting clean. Cloud Kicker landed on the top of the tower of Town Hall, where there seemed to be a base of operations with a steady trickle of pegusi coming and going from the location. If they had their own stash of pies up there, that would pose some problems as far as air superiority, especially if they were all working together. Spike needed to back himself up to a wall or some other barrier quick. Either that or hurry to join up with Rarity and Rainbow Dash if he could find them. He was feeling entirely too exposed. Scanning the terrain for enemy combatants, Spike studied the various features and structures available on the street as he hurried towards the nearest overhang, along the near wall of Barnyard Bargains. At least that would provide partial cover versus duplicitous mares with a +2 modifier on his armor class. What he really needed was a Never-ending Cornucopia of Baked Goods +5. Where was Discord when you really needed him? A scream from his right grabbed Spike’s attention, drawing his gaze across the street. A mare garbed in medical scrubs was menacing a light yellow unicorn who was crouching in fear before her. Squinting, Spike tried to identify the pony. Oh, hey! It’s Lemon Drops—she must be visiting from Canterlot today, perhaps visiting Minuette or Ditzy for the weekend? Maybe Twilight... Oop! Spike gasped as he watched what might have been Minuette mercilessly piledrive three pies into poor Lemon Drops’ face. Lemon Drops had not only been crouching, she seemed to have been holding her forehooves pressed together in what looked like a gesture pleading for mercy. That was met with an act of utter brutality that was as violent as it was shocking. A wide grin split Spike’s face from ear to ear. This was awesome. “Take that, and feel my fruit-filled wrath!” The blue unicorn roared as she stood on her hind legs, pointing a hoof at the downed mare. “At least when it’s on your face it won’t rot your teeth! Next time work harder on your dental hygiene!” Turning to the side with a maniacal laugh, the accosting pony ran off, muttering under her breath about having always wanted to do that. That could have been Minuette, but it was hard to tell. Minuette wouldn’t say something like that, would she? Spike withdrew a bit, shuddering as he eyed the downed mare who was no longer moving. Oh wait. Now she’s sitting up and wiping pie filling out of her eyes. Wow. They’re playing for keeps out here! Taking stock of the situation, Spike looked around for signs of either Rarity or Rainbow Dash. There, off to the left, peeking out from the other side of Barnyard Bargains, he caught a glimpse of a deep fuschia mane. Across the street, a little further down from the demise of Lemon Drops, was an advert sign for Shoeshine’s Shop. Behind it, Spike could pick out a couple of telltale unicorn horns protruding from the top edge. Yep, those are unicorns. They just hurled a few pies with their magic at Raindrops as she sped by. Further up the street, behind the shrubbery fronting Bon Bon’s Shoppe, he spied a few sets of hooves. Looking further he could pick out the tops of a couple of heads up on the sky bridge that connected Bon Bon’s Shoppe to Lyra’s Music store titled Clarsachs and Clarinets. Spike was drawn from his thoughts by a concussive blast from above, rattling the window he was standing by and causing all on the ground to look upwards. Shimmering concentric bands of rainbow light were expanding from a focal point near the top of Town Hall’s tower. Several pegusi were spiraling to the ground, flying in a disoriented pattern, while debris cascaded down from above the roof. Watching the fallout of the debris splat to the ground below, Spike realized that Rainbow Dash had just weaponized her Rainboom, more than likely destroying the cache of pies those pegusi were using. Spike tracked the rainbow contrail as it arced down somewhere behind Sugar Cube Corner, preparing to take off at a run. He might not make it unscathed, but it was a better strategy than trying to sneak over there. Way too many combatants occupied the field. His mind made up, he chose his route and ran for it.    *    *    * Applejack stooped low, reaching into the roaring oven with her hoof pads that by now had become quite sticky. The situation had deteriorated from a mildly amusing diversion from the norm to a downright annoying menagerie of half-explained reasons and foolish notions. And she had had enough. It all started innocently enough. ‘Help make pies for a contest,’ she said. ‘It’s all for a good cause,’ she said… Well, I’ve had enough.   “Way to go, AJ!” Pinkie chirped. “That’s the 212th pie you’ve churned out for the war effort. The Ponyville citizenry should be proud! It’s just too bad our assistants were called up for the draft.” “Draft? Pinkie, this here’s gotta stop. I mean, listen to yourself. War effort? It was all amusing and everything to see everypony start to chuck pies, but this isn’t what I signed on for. Besides, I should probably go check on Granny. When she found that old metal helmet and started going on about her pappy’s service in the Great War, I should’ve stopped her right then and there.” “But AJ, you can’t go now! Not when the final show-down is about to begin!” Pinkie’s pulled out her best puppy-dog face, her large eyes shimmering with unshed tears. “What show down? I’m serious, Pinkie, what is all this? I mean—if’n somepony had told me that I would spend the better half of this day baking countless pies... only for ponies to throw them at each other in some impromptu food fight...” Applejack threw her hotpads down in disgust. “I  would’ve told ‘em that they’d better put their applecart back in the shed because their wheels weren’t on straight—” “—but it’s for a good cause—” “—Luna blast your cause straight to the moon! If you don’t tell me the endgame here, Imma quittin’ and clearin’ out!”    Pinkie slumped before taking a breath and blowing it out with a gust. She looked like she was thinking really hard about something. Outside the back window, where they had been sending pies out via a ridiculously long conveyor belt, an exhilarated laugh sounded as a blurred winged shape flew past the window. Moments later a muted splat and a curse could be heard. “Endgame, huh?” Pinkie sighed. Pinkie looked considerably more worn than she had a moment ago. She dusted off both hooves before fluttering her apron, knocking off bits of uncooked pie crust and flecks of apple. Yet another thud was heard from outside, this time accompanied by a vindictive shout. “Hah! I have been avenged! Take that, you pie-pilfering pegasus!” Applejack’s eyes widened just a bit. That sounded just like Octavia! But she wouldn’t be in this, would she? Applejack looked back to Pinkie who was smiling again. “Okay, Applejack. I’ll fill you in on my ‘endgame.’” Pinkie climbed up so that she could sit on a food-prep table, her legs dangling and swinging off the edge, before she unceremoniously grabbed a slice of pie and stuffed it in her mouth, speaking with her mouth full. “Let me tell you about how this came to be: It all started about a year ago after the Fall Harvest Festival...”   *    *    * So far he had been lucky. Getting past the scene of Lemon Drops’ demise seemed to be a good move, as other ponies under cover in the area were still in shock from witnessing such brutality. Spike rounded the corner behind Shoeshine’s shop when he came face to face with a cadre of unicorns. Lyra seemed to be the ringleader, and there was a wild look in her eye. Several pies were visible floating in the air behind her, held aloft in various magical hues belonging to Trixie, Twinkleshine, and Sea Swirl. Roseluck was also there, toting her flower wagon that was currently burdened with several waiting pies.   “You!” Lyra seized on Spike with telekinetic magic, her eyes searching his body to make sure he wasn’t hiding any pies. A bandanna was tied around her forehead, and painted pink stripes marked her face on either side below her eyes. Lyra’s mane, which she usually didn’t bother to style, was a disheveled mess. On closer examination, her mane styling product of choice appeared to be apple glaze. “I didn’t do it!” Spike pleaded. “I swear! I’m not even armed!” Lyra stood up on her rear hooves and draped a sticky foreleg around his shoulders, wobbling for a second as if she were drunk. Spike noticed to his dismay that the other ponies of her group were circling to flank him. “Are you for Team Applecrap? Or Team Pinkie? There is only one correct answer.” The mare’s right eye twitched a little as she waited for his response. Spike’s mind raced as he struggled for a way out of this. He didn’t know what kind of factions were in the struggle, but this small platoon of ponies definitely looked the worse for wear. He really didn’t want to be wearing all of that pie if he said the wrong thing. “Well, I uh… I am really good friends with Pinkie, but uh…” Spike’s mind seized upon an idea. “Who the hay is Applecrap?” Lyra chortled as her free hoof thumped against Spike’s chest a couple of times, her fake laughter giving her unbalanced smile a decidedly more menacing appearance.“Oh, ho ho ho ho! You hear that, girls? This little drake claims he doesn’t know anything about Applecrap! Hey Trixie! You’ve got some Applecrap, don’t ya? Why don’t you introduce him so he can learn why we DON’T. LIKE. APPLECRAP!” Trixie backed up a step, before looking from Lyra to Spike with some trepidation. “I don’t know, Lyra. Um… what if he helped us? Maybe he could be an asset?” Lyra’s grip around the dragon tightened a little as she glared back at the cornflower blue mare. “An asset? Trixie, we are in need of some wingpower! Last I checked, this dragon is particularly wingless!” Lyra let go of him so she could flap her forelegs in demonstration. “What can Spike—OH!” Spike had quickly stepped behind the mint green unicorn while she was distracted, grabbing her under the forelegs and hoisting her up by the barrel. “Alright, nopony move!” he yelled, directing Lyra’s now-vertical torso back and forth, keeping her more or less between him and the other unicorns. If anyone throws a pie, she gets the flame!” Twinkleshine and Sea Swirl stepped back in shock, bumping into Roseluck who was gaping at the young dragon. On the other hoof, Trixie stepped forward, raising an eyebrow in query. “I dunno, Spike, that seems a little dark for you. Ah, go ahead.” Lyra started kicking frantically. “What? Trixie, how could you say that! I don’t want to turned into a flame-broiled pony fritter!” Trixie removed her hat to comb a hoof through her mane. “Aw, relax Lyra. If he blows fire on you, it’ll just deliver you to Celestia, that’s all.” Trixie stopped pulling at her mane and scrunched her muzzle for a second, looking back at Lyra. “Although you might not want to meet the Princess looking like that…” Lyra became even more frantic. “Lemme go! I can’t see Celestia like this! Put me down! I’m not ready for the Day Court! I’ll… I’ll give you anything!” Grinning, Spike pulled Lyra back. He tried not to wince as Lyra’s back hooves struck his shins with a couple of glancing blows. The mare was heavy, but not overwhelmingly so, and he forced his face neutral to make the lift look effortless. “Celestia normally meets with her cabinet at this hour of the morning if I’m not mistaken. As Twilight’s assistant, I am kept informed of Princess Celestia’s daily schedule, and today she’s meeting with her advisor for the fine arts.” Lyra’s ear twitched erratically as Spike’s grin became more wicked. “What would Leopold Concerto say if he saw you like that?” Lyra gaped in pitiful horror. “N-no! You wouldn’t!” Spike looked at the other mares in contemplation before responding. “Hm. Maybe I wouldn’t. But you’d have to give something of value to me.” “Anything but my Clarsach… Or my best friend Bonny!” “All I need is a single pie, and I will grant. Your. Freedom.” Lyra nodded emphatically. “Twinkleshine! Give him one of your pies, quick!” Twinkleshine gulped before floating one of her pies over to Spike. “Slowly… that’s it…” Spike cooed, still keeping Lyra propped up as a pony meat-shield. “Now. Set the pie down there on the porch and back away… nopony has to get creamed” All three unicorns were backing away now, even though Trixie seemed to have a gleam in her eye. Roseluck on the other hoof was trembling in outrage. “You… you monster!” Spike started to lower his captive, keeping his eyes trained on Trixie. This was working out way better than he could have hoped, and now he had some ammo! Pastry acquisition achievement unlocked. Level up! “Justice RAINS from above!” With a chaotic strafing of pie chunks shattering against the ground below, a bright yellow flash of color attached to two powerful wings shot by as Raindrops completed her maneuver, banking hard to the left to avoid smashing into the back of Shoeshine’s Shop. The earth trembled and shook as the deadly pastries shelled the group’s position, causing them to scream and scatter. Well, maybe the impact of a couple of pies wasn’t all that dangerous, but a dragon could dream, right? Spike completed his shoulder roll to the side, the second one made in only about two minutes, his sensitive scales registering every little impact and hit he sustained from Raindrops’ deadly aim. Climbing to his feet, he swore vengeance upon his faithful Dragon’s Code, cocking his arm back ready to hurl his prized weapon at the retreating foe. Spike paused, studying Raindrops’ form as she beat her wings fiercely, gaining altitude and dwindling in the distance. She banked to the side every so often with a glance behind her, obviously taking evasive maneuvers and checking to see if she was being followed. Spike lowered his pie, narrowing his eyes. Nah. Throwing now would waste a perfectly good pie. I’ll have to ambush her later somehow. Spike looked around to see how his former captors were doing. Apparently they were still in shock, except for Trixie who didn’t seem to have a mark on her. Pausing to stare at each other for a moment, Trixie and Spike both shrugged before they headed off in opposite directions. Creeping along the backside of Shoeshine’s shop, Spike reflected on how Trixie didn’t have a stain anywhere. With his knowledge of magic, he surmised she either had a magical shield exactly molded to her body, or her presence there was entirely an illusion, and she was elsewhere, watching from afar. Either way, that was some pretty high-quality stuff, so Starlight Glimmer had taught her well. Spike felt himself shiver. Yeah, at least Starlight Glimmer isn’t out here. That mare is way too OP for her own good. A flicker of blinding light danced in Spike’s right eye for a second. Lifting a claw up to block the glare, Spike looked around for the source. There, beneath one of the supply carts parked on the far side of Sugar Cube Corner, was the most lovely sight in the world. Apple filling had smeared the make-up on the right side of her face as well as a good portion of her mane. Dirt and grime smeared her coat underneath and along her left flank, and she was crouching low behind the cover of some uncut grass, using a pocket mirror to signal him. Rarity, his crush, was signaling him—and he would answer, her knight in shining armor! Without another thought, Spike broke into a run. He would arc around the side of the wagon, slide to a stop next to her behind it, and they would embrace in the tall grass. Then, Rarity would praise him for his bravery and finally, they would unite by initiating a passionate kiss! Which, given her current state, would taste like sweetened apples. Unbidden, visions of Applejack suddenly popped up in his head, her muscular form straining against the plow harness in the fields as sweat rolled off her her glistening coat… “C’mere, sugarcube. I need a little help over here for a moment.” Horrified, Spike shook his head. Where did that thought come from?! Applejack was his boss, not his love interest! It was Rarity that had captured his heart! In his moment of distraction, Spike did not spy the trap he had stumbled into until it was too late. Three earth pony stallions suddenly sprang up from the ground, having been hidden from view by a camouflaged tarp over their position, crouching in the drainage ditch that carried water away from the main street between Sugar Cube Corner and Golden Harvest’s store. Suddenly flanked by the unlikely trio of Hard Hat, Toe Tapper, and Andante, Spike lifted his claws in a defensive gesture. As he studied the manic and desperate visages before him, Spike shrugged. He was going to get pasted this time for sure, and there wasn’t a thing he could do about it. How can I be caught flat-footed while I am running? A sudden flash of brilliant bluish white light flared immediately in front of the faces of the three stallions surrounding Spike, and a jovial voice called out from above. “Hello, boys! I’m baaaaaack!” In an instant a rainbow contrail dove between Spike and the confused earth ponies, taking less than two seconds to deliver a pie to the stunned face of each stallion. Rainbow drew herself up into a heroic pose, before giving Spike an exasperated look. “Well? Don’t just stand there, you doofus. Get to cover quick! We’ve got a plan.” Not one to disobey a clear order, Spike followed Rainbow as she sped around to the far side of the cart, joining a grinning Rarity as she sat up from her crouched position. Rainbow took the position of lookout as she landed, rearing up to place her forehooves on the back of the wagon while keeping watch on the sky. Rarity turned to face their new recruit and fill him in on their plans. “Oh, Spike! It’s so good to see you darling, and in one piece, as well!” Spike chuckled for a moment, hoping that he didn’t look too awkward while putting a claw on his neck, only to find more pie filling. “Now that you are here, you can join Rainbow and I as we mount an offensive to end this siege. THEN, and only then, will I have my revenge… It will be the last time anypony throws a pie at General Rarity P.A. Belle!” Spike scratched as his ear fins for a moment. “Uh, what does P.A. stand for?” Rarity’s eyes almost glowed with an icy cold as she crooned, “Why, Pie Avenger, or course!” Rainbow, positioned just above them as she kept watch, only snorted. “So, Spike. Rainbow gives us air superiority, while yours truly can out-duel any unicorn on this field with my multi-telekinetic abilities. All we needed was… you.” Spike’s cheeks felt like they were about to combust. “Me? Well, what can I do? You saw how I was struggling just to get over here!” Rarity smirked. “Well! That’s just because you haven’t realized the power that you have in you, Spikey-wikey.” “C’mon, Rares. Just fill him in and let’s GO!” Rainbow stamped a hoof down to emphasize her point as her head turned back and forth keeping watch. She needed to move. Rarity just gave a huff. “Fine, fine, darling.” Her glittering blue irises focused on Spike again, making his heart flutter a little. It didn’t matter how much muck was on her. The true key to Rarity’s beauty was in her eyes. “Spike, you can send non-magical objects to Celestia, given that they are small enough, correct?” “Well, yeah? Why do you ask?” “Because, my dear Spike. You will be our defense.” Rarity’s got a cunning look in her eye. “How do you think Princess Celestia will feel about receiving large quantities of high quality Sweet Apple Acres pie?” *    *    * Granny champed her dentures together in frustration as she reviewed the misfortunes and losses her ponies had sustained in the battle. As the matriarch for Applejack’s side of this battle, she had succeeded in drawing the most ponies to her cause. Unfortunately, Bon Bon’s side had a larger contingent of Pegusi, and had used air superiority to either wear down Team Apple’s forces, or cause multiple desertions. Her best friend Roma stood in as her second in command and Roma had even dedicated additional tomatoes for the cause, but it hadn’t been nearly enough. Thank Celestia for Platoon Leader Octavia and her incredible skills with the cello. Not that she was playing any music, mind you. No, somehow she had rigged up a sling and attached it to the strings of her cello to give her a long-range artillery device. And she had utterly deadly aim. The Pegusi had learned to fly clear of the airspace directly around her, and that had held for some time, but they were starting to realize that a more organized attack could not be defended against. “Staff Sergeant Engineer Ambrosia, report!” Granny barked at the young mare that had run up, hard hat firmly in place. “Fortifications on the front line are beginning to fail, General Smith, sir!” Ambrosia replied. “Forward positions are having to fall back to secondary lines of defense. General Bon Bon’s two pronged attacks are becoming increasingly effective, and we’ve had a few ponies fall to small arms fire.” “Small arms fire? Explain!” Instead of answering, Ambrosia pulled out a small chocolate bonbon from under her hard hat and popped it into her mouth, chewing happily. “Is that… are you eating small arms fire from the enemy, Staff Sergeant?!” Ambrosia took off her hard hat and offered it to Granny, full of little chocolates. "We can always throw them back. This one’s apple-filled… Heh heh. Hungry?” Granny’s left eye twitched, before she pointed a hoof at Ambrosia imperiously. “Court Marshalled!” Warrant Officer Cheerilee came up and led Ambrosia away, the engineer pony hanging her head in shame. “Wait, belay that order! All hooves on deck, here they come!” Granny ducked down, pulling her doughboy hat down all the tighter over her brow. It looked like Bon Bon’s forces were done testing her defenses and were now mounting a full-scale assault. If only her secret weapon would arrive in time! *    *    * Bon Bon laughed as she sent her forces forward. Octavia’s bow could only defend one vector at a time, and while her flight forces would sustain losses, a massive attack from three angles would be enough to overwhelm Granny’s dwindling forces and allow her to claim victory once and for all… for what? What was she claiming? Well, she wasn’t sure what she would claim, but she would indeed best Granny and her representation of the Apple Clan. Not that she had anything against Applejack or others of her family. But beating Granny would give her some perverse satisfaction. “Go! Fell deeds awake. Now for wrath! Now for ruin and the red dawn! For Ponyville! Fly for victory! Fly for freedom! Fly for fortune and honor!” At her command, the ponies scrambled out of their cover and ran towards the enemy camp, pies at the ready. Pegasus forces swept in from two angles flanking behind Granny’s position. This day would be hers! In a surprise maneuver from the left, Spike the dragon ran out from a side alley, flanked on either side by Rarity and Rainbow Dash. Impossibly, a mass of pies like a flock of birds were held suspended in the air behind them in her light bluish magical glow.   “Mine! You are all mine!” Rarity crowed, her voice cracking in euphoria. “All ponies who have wielded pies this day will fall by my hooves, or the hooves of my avengers of justice!” As if to emphasize Rarity’s point, Spike let out an enormous jet of green flame into the air, while Rainbow Dash took off at her top speed passing over Bon Bon’s exposed forces in a blur of color. Yet another crack sounded through the air as she pulled off a second Rainboom, this time breaking the concentration of many a pony as pies were felled to the earth. “Yaaaaargh!” Rarity shrieked, brining a swarm of pies onto the field of battle. “All unicorns and earth ponies!” Bon Bon bellowed from her reinforced bunker. “Concentrate all firepower on that superstar unicorn! All Pegasi! Do what it takes to bring that Rainbow-maned menace down! Leave the dragon to me!” Bon Bon watched as her lead pegasi began angling maneuvers to cut down on Rainbow Dash’s escape vectors. Her ground forces turned as one to meet this new threat, hurling pies by the dozen at Rarity. She felt sorry for her, in a way, as a fellow mare that took excellent care of her mane. Rarity would never get the muck out. But then Bon Bon’s jaw dropped as she watched Spike step in front, releasing another gout of flame. This time his fire engulfed all of the airborne pies as they approached and caused them to disintegrate in mid air. What the Tartarus? Bon Bon leapt into the fray, bringing out a few of her best candies and sprinkling some blue sprinkles on them as she ran. One could never have too much blue sprinkles… If only Spike would believe this is sapphire dust. “Hey Spike!” Bon Bon called, holding up several of her candies high overhead. “I know how much you like my Bon Bons with the sapphire dust topping. Well, how’s about I offer you a year’s supply of these if you join us? Come to the Pink Side! We’ve got candies! Whaddaya say?” “And betray Rarity? Are out out of your comfitted, confectionary mind?” An exuberant yell came from Granny’s position behind her barricade of carts. “Yes! My secret weapon has arrived!” *    *    * Applejack pulled her head back from the window. Dumbfounded, she turned to Pinkie and just stared, shaking her head slowly. Pinkie, for her part, just looked smug as she crossed her forehooves and leaned back against the counter. “Unbelievable. So lemme get this straight,” Applejack began. “You decided that because our Ponyville residents tended to get, as you put it, all frowny faced at this time of the year, you would institute a new tradition of… a Ponyville Pie Fight. All using my family’s produce from Sweet Apple Acres?” “Correct. After Cider Season, all you are left with are the lower grade apples in the crop, and you sell them to Fillydelphia for processing. Well, Mac just made a bigger profit margin by selling them to me!” “But you marketed it as a tasting competition. That’s false advertising.” Applejack said flatly. “Well, sure!” Pinkie exclaimed. “Would you RSVP to an invitation for a pie fight?” “...I suppose not.” Applejack tried not to break into a smile at this crazy mare, because she was still mad at her. “But then you rigged the ballot box to come out as a tie?” “Yep yep yeppers!” Pinkie beamed. “How else could I get tensions high enough so that a spark could start off a war? I already loaded the deck with the disagreement Bon Bon and Granny had going on!” “Yeah, and then you somehow knew I would call up my Granny to be my assistant.” Applejack replied, trying not to let her frustration become audible. “What would’ve happened to all your preparations, all your planning, all your purchases if’n I said no?” Pinkie looked thoughtful, playing with her bangs with a hoof. “Hmm, you’re right. That would’ve been disastrous! I guess it’s a good thing that you said yes, huh?” Applejack knew what Pinkie was thinking, so she just gave her a look. Pinkie pushed her buttons, and Applejack wasn’t happy about it. Under false pretenses, Pinkie had caused her to slave away in the kitchen all morning, all so ponies could mostly use the results of her hard work as projectile weapons. All for some ridiculous scheme to make a disastrous mess… Were there any smiles to show for it? “Well, I ain’t smiling, Pinkie.” Applejack growled. “Neither are all of the other ponies out there participating in full combat. You’ve had some hare-brained schemes in the past, but this one just took the cake.” “I think you mean ‘pie.’” “Pinkamina Diane Pie—”   “Hang on, AJ, please?” Pinkie’s voice had become quiet and earnest. “Come back to the window for a second and take another look.” *    *    * Spike tracked Rainbow for a moment, watching her dodge from side to side avoiding her pursuers. She might not have been taking down any ponies with pies, but she had effectively removed no fewer than five Pegasi from the field of battle to join in the chase. Snapping his attention back to the ponies around him, Spike continued using his breath weapon to great effect, protecting Rarity from being touched as she waged her war of vengeance. Defending Rarity in such a way was something he had always dreamed of doing. And he couldn’t stop smiling about it. The last thing he remembered was the timbre of Granny’s voice as she exclaimed: “Fire in the hole!” *    *    * One minute earlier… “That’s it, Rumble! I knew you could do it!” Granny cackled with glee. “How much did Zecora charge you for it?” Rumble carefully hoofed over the glowing bright yellow potion, unsure of why such a thing could be called a secret weapon. “Um, she just made me swear on what it was going to be used for, and then said she would bill you later for a hundred-twenty bits.” Granny gave a wicked smirk. “Heh. Good ol’ Zecora. Hasn’t been the first time her potion brewing skills has come to the aid of the Apple clan. If’n this works, it will be more than worth it! Octavia!” Octavia stepped forward, giving a polite bow before flicking a few bits of apple pie off of her coat with her hoof. “Yes ma’am?” Granny held up the bright yellow potion. “This here is our secret to victory… either that or our mutually assured destruction.” Octavia lifted an eyebrow. “Zecora calls it her Replitonic Mirror Potion, and she doesn’t just sell it to just anypony.” “Yes ma’am.” Octavia acknowledged. “It’s been an honor serving with you—just tell me what I need to do.” Granny peered over the edge of the stacked carts of their position, scanning around until she spotted what she was looking for. The timing of the surprise attack by Rarity, Spike, and Rainbow Dash couldn’t have worked any better. Multi-pronged attacks from the air were now unlikely, and Rainbow’s sonic rainboom had left a lot of pies all over the road in piles and debris. Bon Bon’s remaining forces seemed to be gathered around a stack of remaining pies, but they were only under partial cover and attempting to regroup. “That there’s your target, Octavia.” Granny pointed to the position with a hoof. “You have to launch that potion, and your aim must be true. It must shatter against that stack of pies they’re protecting. Can you do it?” Octavia narrowed her eyes as she surmised the field. She wished Vinyl wouldn’t have gorged herself so much on pie so she could be out here to observe her heroic act. Poor Vinyl was likely still groaning, stretched out on Sugar Cube Corner’s dining room floor clutching her belly. Calculating the distance, Octavia took aim. “Oh, and uh…” Granny began. “Once you’ve launched your salvo you better get down quick!” Nodding in understanding, Octavia drew back her arm to throw. Thankfully, Bon Bon’s forces were much more worried about dealing with Rarity and her many “pies of justice” as she was calling them. The enemy would never know what hit them. Steeling herself for a moment with a deep breath, Octavia reared back and threw.   Behind her Granny cupped her hooves to her face and gave a shout. “Fire in the hole!” *    *    * All Applejack could do was watch as she tracked the potion vial tumble through the air, leaving an eerie yellow contrail in the air behind it. Octavia’s aim was true, the vial landing directly behind Bon Bon’s forces on top of the pile of pies behind them. With a muted thwump, a bright yellow flash detonated from ground zero, and then all went white… … Well, not really white, really… it was more of an apple-filling color. All over the surrounding area, everywhere in the vicinity where there was pie matter, something magical was flaring to life. Everything tainted by even the smallest bit of pie goo reacted to the magical explosion of Zecora’s potion. Every piece, every glob of pie remaining began to expand, multiplying exponentially in volume. All surfaces be it pony or storefront, belched forth more and more pie matter until the street was completely buried, and the ponies with it, saturated with an impossible quantity of pie. And then, everything stopped. All was silence. Applejack was in shock. What had she just witnessed? Was everypony alright? Was Pinkie completely off the hinge? Continuing to survey the scene of the carnage, Applejack’s ears picked up a chuckle. And then there was a giggle. Then a laugh. In moments, the whole street was howling in laughter, ponies and dragon alike, all rolling in the muck and laughing their fool heads off. Turning from the window, Applejack turned to look back at Pinkie, utterly stunned from the developments. Pinkie, for her part, was now giggle-snorting and hopping up and down in glee. “Pinkie, I don’t even—” “Applejack you have to understand…” Pinkie confided. “What you have to know is this. Desperate times call for Desperate measures. I must make ponies smile. I have to. And, well, I have to say… mission accomplished!” Applejack sat down at the counter next to her, shaking her head before finally nudging her in the ribs, making her giggle-snort again. “Desperate measures, huh?” “The most desperate…” “Y’know. I’m not gonna be talkin’ to you for for a few minutes Pinks.” “Why’s that, AJ?” Applejack’s stomach rumbled. “Imma gonna have me some of this here pie.” Applejack started to shovel forkfuls of goodness in her mouth, trying to at least enjoy some of the spoils of her hard labor. Pinkie just giggled again, as she eavesdropped on the ponies outside as they started to discuss cleanup procedures, and their desires to do such a fun thing for the next year. Smiling in satisfaction, she gave a great sigh. Some days in Ponyville were just right.