//------------------------------// // Prologue // Story: Equestria's Swift King of Coffins // by gundamexia34 //------------------------------// ‘UGH! I hate my job!’ I thought as I opened the door to my apartment. 5 hours, 5 HOURS of unpaid overtime all because some idiot in the janitorial department thought he knew better than us and messed with the machines. And the worst part? The bastard didn’t even get more than a scolding you could tell he ignored! Damn him and damn his connections! Clicking on my lights, I sighed as I checked the fridge and found it empty except for a two liter of soda. It was damn near midnight, so none of the places close enough to deliver were open. It looked like I’d have to go hungry tonight. Grumbling to myself, I went to take a shower, only to find that the water heater was acting up again, leaving me with ice cold water. Wanting to scream in rage but not disturb the neighbors, I finished my shower and went to my computer. It seemed that at least some things would be going my way today since it booted up without issue and the communal wifi was running at full bars. Hopping on to my preferred IM service, I have a small smile as I saw a fellow maintenance man online. Quickly opening a room and inviting him, the conversation began. SpringerWrench (Me): Yo. HammerClang3: ‘Sup? SpringerWrench: Nothing but frustration. The fridge is empty, Water Heater is out, and I am too tired from that stupid overtime to fix it. HammerClang3: Ouch. Yeah, that idiot needs to pay. I hear that the Johnson twins are plotting a solid revenge prank. SpringerWrench: Warn them to be careful. The dude got in on connections, and it's only by the grace of God that said connections didn't have him replace our boss. HammerClang3: Yikes. I’ll pass on the message. Zelretch-the-Infinite: Did someone mention pranks? I jumped at the last message, as he had somehow joined a private room. I tried to kick him, only to find the option missing. Zelretch-the-Infinite: Now that's not very nice, and here I was about to help you get back at the jerk who ruined your day. HammerClang3: … HammerClang3: Let’s hear him out. SpringerWrench: Agreed, do go on. ZeltrechtheInfinite: What if I told you that I could humiliate him to the point where he’ll be sent to the funny farm? All you have to do is play a game with me. HammerClang3: What kind of game? Zelretch-the-Infinite: Pick three fictional items belonging to three different characters. Then choose the one you would like to look like out of the three characters, before naming a world. If I find it interesting enough, I may even give you a little surprise on top of pranking the idiot. SpringerWrench: Sounds like fun. What do you think man? HammerClang3: Nuh-Uh, Nope! I’m out. I just figured out where I’ve seen his name before. I’d rather not. Zelretch-the-Infinite: Fine then, just don’t spoil the surprise. *HammerClang3 Left The Room* SpringerWrench: Alright, just give me a few minutes to make my choices. I had to think hard about my choices before I decided that I wanted an offensive, defensive, and evasive item. I knew what was coming. I knew who this was. And I had a good guess as to what the surprise was. But I honestly didn't care. I was working a dead end, high-risk job with minimal health coverage and very little hazard pay; living alone in a cheap apartment in a relatively bad neighborhood; and I had no family that I was willing to claim a relation to. So tell me, if you had this chance, would you take it? SpringerWrench: Alright, I choose Shadow the Hedgehog’s Air Shoes, Arthur's Caliburn from Highschool DxD, and Thanatos’s Coffin Wings from Persona 3. I’d like to look like Arthur, and for a world, I’ll go with...Equestria. Zelretch-the-Infinite: Definitely an odd combination. But I am most certainly intrigued. SpringerWrench: Just one request if you send me away. Let me see the prank and its results. Zelretch-the-Infinite: Can do. When you go to work tomorrow, make sure to have a video camera ready. I followed Zelretch advice and pulled my phone out when the idiot opened the supply closet. He let out a startled yelp as a gray cloud went off in his face. He started sneezing and stumbling back, before tripping on a rope and tumbling towards a hook on the conveyor going up. The hook caught him by his pants and underwear and hauled him 4 feet up for an atomic wedgie before the cloth ripped and he fell on his feet. He was smiling before he noticed us all laughing. His pants and underwear had fallen, revealing his...Shortcomings. Mortified, he ran as fast as he could to the bathroom only to trip and fall, landing on top of a passing female coworker and groping her. She screamed and slapped him, and before the day was out he was arrested for indecent exposure and sexual harassment. I could barely keep myself steady from my efforts to keep from laughing. My boss saw me recording it and, assuming I was responsible, fired me. But it didn't matter. After this, I wouldn't need the job anymore. Just as I finished cleaning out my locker, I got a text from Zelretch to meet him out back. “Good to see you in person.” The old vampire said as he stood from where he was leaning against the wall. “I must say that it’s an honor to meet you. I can appreciate a solid trolling and you sir, are a master troll! That prank on the idiot was just…” I replied, finishing with a mind blown gesture. “Oh, stop. That was nothing. If you really want to see me cut loose then you should see my wars with...Well, actually, you shouldn't see it. You’d likely get caught in the crossfire.” Zelretch said with a chuckle. “Right then, down to business.” With a wave of his hand, my chosen items appeared on the ground. The wings had 10 coffins and were attached to some armored shoulder pads, and the shoes were sleek, round, and more in line with a pair of dress shoes rather than sneakers. Turning with a raised eyebrow, I saw Zelretch shrug. “The wings will be detachable this way. And if you're going to look like Arthur you're going to wear a suit, so sneakers aren't exactly appropriate.” He explained, making me nod in understanding. With another wave of his hand, I felt myself shift. It wasn't painful, but definitely a little disconcerting. Looking in a nearby darkened window, I saw not myself, but my chosen character outfit and all. Feeling the concrete beneath my feet, I looked down and saw my shoes were gone. I was quick to don the slightly modified Air Shoes, then I put the black spaulders on and fastened the straps. The second the straps were done up, the coffins began to float and encircle me. I picked up Caliburn, noting that it felt perfectly balanced in one hand despite its ridiculous length. A magic circle appeared on both ends before coming together and forming a single circle that shrunk and grafted itself onto the back of my hand. Smiling, I turned back to Zelretch. I was prepared and more than willing to get on my way. “One more thing, since you gave me such a wonderful target for a prank and were willing to be ‘displaced’ as I believe the term is, I’ve decided to give you another small present. Inside a pocket dimension keyed to your soul, there are 20 coffins that can be interchanged with the ones currently on the chains making 30 in total. Every coffin, even the ones you're now wearing, has something different in it. It could be anything from a mundane spoon all the way up to a portal to another dimension! However, I haven't labeled a single one, so have fun trying to remember what's in which one!” Before I got the chance to respond, another wave of his hand opened a portal beneath my feet and I was sent tumbling through the void.