//------------------------------//
// 057 - Sombra's Clipshow 
// Story: Songs of the Spheres 
// by GMBlackjack 
//------------------------------//

Sombra hated to admit it, but she was bored. 

More bored than a rock sitting on a mountain on a cloudy day. 

More bored than a child in a car seat waiting for their parents to return from the store.

More bored than a single guy after the sixth hour of lying in bed and not falling asleep.

“UUUUUUUUGH!” Sombra groaned, leaning back in her chair. She almost hoped it would snap just to liven up her day – but it didn’t. She had designed it too well. She designed everything too well. 

Surely, surely, there was some epic plot she had in motion that needed her attention today? Something that wasn’t automatic? Some life or death scenario that she had her fingers stuck into?

Probably, honestly, but none came to mind at the moment. 

“Sombra, you’re losing your touch,” she moaned to herself. “You used to be able to find amusement in everything… What happened to you? Where did your spunk go?” She sighed. “That’s right, it went to the funk. This silly funk I find myself in. Holy potato moley pies. Ariba. Cinco de Mayo. And now I’m just saying things at random hoping they sound interesting.”

She slid down her chair like a liquid, trying to imitate a cat. 

It was at this point her brain performed a brilliant set of mental hurdles. 

Cat. Cats are famous on the Internet. The Internet has a lot of fun things. These fun things include random videos. I like random videos. One of those random videos I like has a bunch of random things happen in a bunch of short skits. What if I made a program that searched for things like that across the multiverse through my many cameras… There’s no way that would actually work, right?

“Oh, what the hell,” Sombra said, abandoning the liquid state and sending her fingers flying. All she needed to do was find things that were interesting… Pretty sure a Beat – er, ka – scanner could accomplish that. The coding was simple – set it to switch every so often, key it to a random number generator, affix to the ka levels, and then… Well, pipe it to her main screen. 

She pressed go and sat back, watching expectantly. 

This was either going to suck or be absolutely amazing. 


~~~


“I’VE GOT YOUR NOSE!” the unimaginable horror from the Embodiment shouted. 

Alushy grinned, her face dripping blood. “Yes… Yes you do… My nose. An artifact of untold arcane power. Those who have claimed my nose and held it for long have gained many perks, but also legendary detriments. Their sense of smell becomes unimaginably attuned, to the point at which they are able to smell every piece of shit in a fifty mile radius as if they were standing right next to it. The strength benefits are unheard of, bordering on unstoppable, but beware: you never know when your fist will suddenly turn into a pie. And there’s also the fact that it makes parts fall off of you. Any part. Hey, I’m curious, what on your eldritch body is the equivalent to a d-”

The horror dropped Alushy’s nose and vanished into the eldritch darkness.

“Heh,” Alushy said, slapping her nose back on. “Priceless.”
 

~~~


 

Starbeat walked by a tree and her bracelet started beeping. She jumped five feet in the air and looked around in alarm – what was she reacting to? There was nobody in sight… Nobody at all… She didn’t think she felt anything-

Oh. 

The tree. It was the tree wasn’t it? That had to be the weirdest one so far, and yet… The way the leaves moved within the branches… The way the bark was so crusty… The way its flowers smelled…

She began to move toward it, dreamily. 

Then she became aware the alarm was still beeping. It never beeped for that long. 

“Oh. It’s malfunctioning.” She blinked, glancing back at the tree, feeling nothing. She facehooved.


~~~


 

Discord had blessed Allure with a cauldron, a sledgehammer, and infinite strength. She would have preferred infinite telekinetic power, but she was going to make do with what she had. 

She had made a bet with the lord of chaos: if she was actually in the game he was playing, she could beat it. The only difficulty was in the outrageous controls. 

She was going to Get. Over. It. 

As soon as she could get over this tree. 

“How in the…” She wrenched her hammer on one of the branches, but couldn’t loop the hammer around the higher branch without removing it from the one holding her weight. She couldn’t pull herself up with her telekinesis, definitely not enough strength… 

She tried to swing the hammer quickly, but instead hit the tree and went flying back to where she started. 

“AUGH!”

Outside the arcade machine, Discord and Trixie giggled.

Thrackerzod sighed. “This is going to take a while,” she told the rest of the League. “Let’s leave her her to it.”

Just as they left, Allure let out another “AUGH!”


~~~


 

Today with the Guru, we'll be discussing a good use for all those different types of currency you keep collecting. It must be troubling to find yourself bogged down with money you can't use everywhere. So follow my simple tips and you'll be smiling once again with empty pockets.

1) If it's a metal, maybe it can be melted down? There's dozens of reasons to melt down metal.

2) Paper money may sound like fun to burn, but I want you to remember that there's noxious chemicals in the ink. Instead get scissors and tape and make beautiful art.

3) Card money can be repurposed as playing cards with a little bleach and a pair of red and black pens.

4) If you find yourself in the unfortunate circumstance of having been to a world that uses animal skulls as currency, don't panic. With a little creativity and the right tools, any skull can be turned into a bowl.

5) Even the largest pile of coupons can be sold in a nearby Hub for a local currency, or used as a building material once packed together tight enough.

6) Do not take Volcano Bucks home with you.

But those are all the tips I have available for today. And remember, it's important that you first check with your local currency exchange before you destroy your legal money. No matter how much you have, it's always important to go through the proper channels.

Thank you for reading today's entry.


~~~


 

Alushy looked down at Flutterfree. 

Flutterfree smiled awkwardly. “So… Wh-”

“TODAY in VAMPIRE TRAINING!” Alushy announced. “We’re going to a person. You’re going to kill them. And you are going to drink their blood.”

“Alushy! I said I wasn’t killing anyone! I can survive on apple juice and you know it!”

“Why apples work baffles me like nothing else. But you’re not going to be a two-bit whorse when it comes to killing.”

“That pun is crude and I don’t think it applies to this situation.”

“I’M THE ELDER VAMPIRE HERE! You are not going to deny a part of your nature!”

“I don’t kill people!”

“That’s a lie.”

“...I don’t kill people without good reason.”

“Well we’re in luck, we have a quadruple-offense child-molester and serial killer!”

Flutterfree blinked. “...Okay now I object because I don’t want to touch this disgusting man.”

“Woman.”

Flutterfree stopped short. “...Alushy, what’s the point of this exercise? I’ve taken down people befor-”

“You need to understand the feast! Now GO! She’s got a knife, beware!”

Flutterfree was suddenly in front of the woman in a locked room. She charged with an ugly grunt. 

Flutterfree shot her in the head with the bow of light. “She’s down, Alushy, can I-”

“Nope! Not until you feast!”

“Uuuugh…” She sucked it up and leaned down to take a bite. 

The woman exploded in a shower of blood, dousing Flutterfree. She could hear Alushy howling in laughter.

“W-what?”

“I got you good! By the way, the moment you leave this room there’ll be about two dozen zombies. Make quick work of them, my student!”

“WHY DO I LET YOU DO THIS TO ME?”

“Because you secretly enjoy it.”

“I- bu- UGH.” She charged out of the room, teeth bared, ready to face the zombies. 


~~~


 

The Sparkle Census’s system was, from their end, exceedingly efficient. They could be absolutely, positively certain that no Twilight was left behind.

Others disagreed.

"UGH! I ANSWERED YOU ONCE ALREADY! FIX YOUR FREAKING SYSTEM!"

Jenny Everywhere turned back to look at her travelling companion, who had stopped to glare at a scroll lying innocently on the ground.

“Something up, Horry?” 

Twilight ‘Horizon’ Sparkle, interdimensional traveller, rolled her eyes. “Their stupid drone sent me another one.” The small purple unicorn stepped around the scroll, pointedly avoiding touching it. “You’d think they’d’ve gotten the idea after the third one…”


~~~


Renee looked at the team of four agents she had to deal with. 

“So let me get this straight… Jeff, you like Jane. But Jane, you like Jeremy. And Jeremy doesn’t like anyone.”

“HE LIKES ME!” The fourth member, Jilly, said.

Renee facehooved. “Right. So, Jane, have you considered that Jeremy isn’t willing?”

“He’ll come around…”

“Right. Jeff?”

“I’ll… Let her be happy.”

“Jeremy?”

“I just want to get the job done,” Jeremy muttered. “Don’t want any personal differences getting in the way.”

“HE’S SO CUUUUTE!” Jilly cheered. “You too, Jeff…”

Renee adjusted her hat. “Jeremy, I’m giving you command of your own team. We’ll talk about who you’re going to put on it later. The rest of you… I’m taking you off active duty until you can resolve this. I’m not against romance, but it can’t get in the way of the job.”

They all seemed too happy about this. 

Renee raised an eyebrow. “...Were you trying to get fired?”

“Oh no,” Jilly said. “But now we can have an excuse to see Jeremy outside of work~!”

“Do you not understand the concept of personal space?”

“Hm?”

“Guess not. Jeremy, would you like legal protection?”

“Hell yes,” Jeremy declared.

“I shall provide it.”

The girls’ jaws dropped. “No…”

Jeff smiled. “Hey, maybe now you ca-”

The two girls fell into each others’ arms, ignoring Jeff. He looked at the ground, dejected.

Renee struggled not to shout THIS IS STUPID at the top of her lungs. 


~~~


 

“Ready?” Human Pinkie asked O’Neill. Her hair was done up in a double pom-pom and she wore outrageously colorful exercise clothing. The look suited her. 

The look did not suit O’Neill, but he somehow managed to pull off the colorful shorts and tank top. He stretched. “You got the music?”

Synthetic keyboard and a steady drumbeat began playing from… somewhere. “You betcha!”

They started moving in time with the music, preparing a silly jog. When the lyrics started, they bolted, jogging down the streets of the Hub.

“Take on me~!” The lyrics rang out.

The two of them passed Daniel by with their bizarre jog. Pinkie dragged a hand over him, swapping out his clothing with a loose, bright green outfit. He couldn’t help himself - his legs began to move and he joined them in their bizarre trek. 

They passed through Iroh’s Teashop. Iroh and Director Storm looked up from their serious discussion, only to find themselves in similar thematic getups. Iroh’s belly was a little to large for the orange shirt he was given, but this didn’t dissuade him. Storm began to march and Iroh began to jiggle after them, increasing the number of joggers to five.

“Take me on~!”

Rohan sat at a bench a ways up the street, looking at a sketch he had just completed. It was of himself wearing some simply absurd workout attire. 

He looked up and saw the joggers coming towards him, the volume of the music increasing as they closed the distance. 

He could have tried to fight it. But he decided ‘screw it’ and got up before Pinkie even changed his clothing. 

Sugarcoat and Toph were talking to each other under a large sign with a dragon. Their conversation was cut short when they heard the music approaching. Sugarcoat glanced to Toph in confusion.

“Why is your foot tapping?”

“I… I don’t know…”

“You going to stop?”

“...I don’t think so…”

Toph and Sugarcoat fell in one pink swoop. Toph shook the earth with every step while Sugarcoat just… walked. Normally. She was virtually unaffected but wanted to see how this turned out. 

The group charged Discord and Trixie’s arcade, prepared to invade it. 

“Take on me~!”

Jotaro strode out of the entrance to the arcade, hands in his pockets. He stared at the oncoming army of joggers with a steeled expression. 

“THE FINAL BOSS!” Pinkie declared, leading the bizarre joggers to the Jojo. She leaped, ready to turn Jotaro into one of them.

“Star Platinum: The World!”

The music stopped. All the joggers stopped. 

Jotaro used Star Platinum to adjust every one of their legs slightly. 

When time resumed, the music did not continue and all the joggers fell face first onto the pavement. 

Jotaro grabbed his hat. “Yare-yare daze.… You’re making fools of yourselves.”

 


~~~


Iroh was facing the worst of all possible enemies.

Corea throwing a tantrum.

He prepared all the techniques he knew to calm a young child - but he knew that when Corea got into her tantrums, there was nothing he could do. Rocking, the soft smell of tea, silly faces - nothing. 

She would probably reduce her crib to cinders again…

“Bah, let me through,” Granny Smith blurted. With one look Corea stopped crying instantly. 

“Good girl,” Granny Smith said, smirking. “Remember, Granny’s always watchin’.”

Corea stared back at her in silent fear. 

Iroh blinked. “Teach me your ways.”

“Ya gotta be tough on ‘em. Yer too much of a softy, old man.”

“You’re much older than I am.”

“What? Did you say you were old? That’s what I just said!” Granny chuckled, walking off. 

Iroh let out a hearty laugh - that mare had impressive fire for one so advanced in age. 


~~~


 

Evening Sparkle had never felt their world entirely, though it had become a good judge. It took seven horns by a blue aura of arcane energy that made the nightmare. "Pinkie Pie! It's not like there’s a thing to do with this!" Renee was going to pull something else outside of her mane, but Twilight frowned. "...It's you... What happened? No doubt Moondancer... What?" 

Pinkie giggled with them and then pulled her mouth into a dog. "Eve... It's all little odd restaurants! I knew it! "

Eve frowned. "You are not a bowling ball again, the balloons are very precious if magic bolts around." She paused, trying to look down on the porch with a chuckle. 

Pinkie whooped nervously, teleportation aglow with ponies. “That exists. "

I appear and shake my head. "Enough of that. Sorry, this...  Should never have happened. "

Pinkie smiled sheepishly from earlier recently. "Well, yes – ponies on earth > 003... No."

I bite my lip. "It's only getting worse...  We're done here. No more snips written by robots."

 


~~~


 

In an open field was a large square fighting ring with four towers on its perfectly angled corners. Standing in the middle of it was a lone winged being. He was the current threat of this world, currently humming a ‘perfect’ tune, murmuring to himself to himself: “Spirit never dies… I take you higher. Hmm... I do wonder if I could kill someone again? Goku did die once…” he said to himself, and the winged person perked up as he looked over to his side.

“Sup?” he said, addressing the newcomer. She was a pony. A pony in a red trench coat and fashionable hat paired with glasses. She gave him a fang-filled grin of malice and glee.

“Don't mind me, just out on one of my walks,” she answered back. 

“And you just happened to find me? …You sound familiar,” the other being commented to himself, hmm-ing all the way through the sentence.

“I like to take enthusiastic walks…” she replied. She gestured at herself and grinned. “I’m Alushy, and you're in for a treat."

“Ohoho…” he chuckled. Only to find that in an instant, he had a gun pointed at his face. His arms stretched out, and energy built up right at the pony now directly in front of him. 

“I’m Cell,” he said. As the weapons fired both beings were blown across the ring, dust whirling into the sky, blocking all eyes from looking inside (not that there were any).

When the dust cloud settled, Cell was now headless and Alushy lay with a gaping hole in her chest in their respective ends of the ring. Cell's head regrew and the two shared a laugh. 

“Welp,” she sat up, not in the slightest fazed by the large void in her body that was slowly healing. “That was fun, I was just dropping by anyway.”

“Aww, already?” Cell stood back up, his new head talking now. “In that case, see ya around?” he shouted after her as she jumped out of the ring and began to walk away

“Sorry,” she said as she faded into the distance, further and further away from Cell. “The Day of Destiny will come for you. Just wait and see,” she hummed softly to herself

“What an odd pony…” Cell could only smile “Day of destiny huh?” He shrugged and hummed Alushy’s tune, finding it sort of catchy as he began waiting for the day where everything would come to a close.


~~~


 

Allure strained every muscle in her body. She focused intensely on everything around her. The world became one with her hooves and her sledgehammer. She pushed the object into the ground… And launched herself into the air. She grabbed the edge of the tree and threw herself across it. 

“YES! YES! TAKE THAT DISCORD! I GOT OVER IT!”

“That was just the first tree,” Discord told her. “There’s an entire mountain to climb.”

Allure looked forward and saw a tower of rocks, buildings, and towers before her, including a section that appeared to be made of furniture. She paled.

“Give up?”

Allure grit her teeth, hefting her hammer. “No.”

“Oh joy.”

“Discord, I’m hungry,” Trixie muttered.

“Go eat then. I’ll be watching this!”

“Uuuugh…”

“Uuuugh…” Allure echoed.


~~~


 

Yet another purple pony appeared in the Sparkle Census.

“Name?” 7Z asked, not even looking up from her sheet of paper. 

“...Uh… Dusk Shine?” A deep, male voice said, forcing her to look up. 

Oh, Celestia, it’s a stallion. 7Z gulped. “Uh… Y-yeah…” She shakily grabbed the required papers and handed them to Dusk. “Here you go, right through that door there…”

“...Okay…?” Dusk said, clearly confused out of his mind. He took the papers and left.

He’s hot. That’s not going to go over well. V8 is on reception duty today… And he’s already gone so I can’t warn him…

She heard squeals from down the hall. “A STALLION!? Oh this is my LUCKY DAY!”

7Z gulped. “Uh… Next!”

It was another Dusk Shine.

“...Oh no.”

 


~~~


 

The Complete Unabridged History of Discord’s Interest in Politics.

I heard about something called Anarchy today. The humans always have new ways to interest me. I'll have to ask Renee what it is.

...

Too much rioting and fighting. I'm going back to the Internet.


~~~


 

I, the alicorn known as Twilence, would like it to be understood that I am supposed to be the one referred to using first-person pronouns in this story, and that these guest authors have decided to completely muddle the waters of my unique existence within Songs of the Spheres with their first person snips. Or at least one has at time of writing this.

This has been a PSA from my brain.


~~~


 

Sombra leaned back in her chair, watching as the screen switched between scenarios as fast as she could consume them. Occasionally, she found something she didn’t find as funny, and leaned forward to press a ‘skip’ button.

It was during one of these moments that the screen switched to a live view of herself; sitting in exactly the same position, in exactly the same chair, and with exactly the same look of confusion. They both frowned at the same time.

“Why am I seeing myself?” the first Sombra asked herself.

The one in the screen shrugged. “I dunno,” she replied.

The two Sombras froze. Together, they slowly moved their hands over their keyboards, and pressed the ‘skip’ button at exactly the same time.

That only led to another identical Sombra appearing again.

“Why am I seeing myself?” the one in the screen asked.

The actual Sombra shrugged. “I dunno,” she replied, easily keeping a facade of confusion on her face.

They froze. They reached forward simultaneously, clicking their ‘next’ buttons, and the screen switched to the next new skit.

Sombra allowed herself to smirk. It wasn’t often she was able to mess with herself. That was a very strange phenomenon, though... she decided not to concern herself with that right now. She had more skits to watch!

 


~~~


“...We need thirteen kilos of crystalline explosive, seventh grade, a cubic foot of shine pearls, three large packs of ballistic gel material, two miles of carbon nanotubes, a heightened-awareness potion, two rocket launchers without the ammunition, the largest speaker you can physically hand us, and a gallon of pig’s blood.”

“You forgot the cactus seeds.”

“Right, cactus seeds.”

Seskii pulled each item out from under her stand (somehow) as she was told. “There you go. This is going to be miiiighty expensive… Can’t you just order all this from the Research Division? They’ll get it to you for free.”

“You’re faster,” Jamie Hyneman said. “Much, much faster.”

“They’ll reimburse us for it all later,” Adam Savage added. “Because they can never get enough of our SCIENCE! By the way, can you put something on my personal card?”

“Oh?”

“A million of those squeaking duck toys.”

Seskii grinned. “Done!”

“I am going to have so much fun.”


~~~


The League’s reaction to a visit from Renee was always a sight to behold. Sweeties scampered as the same voice announced her presence from a wide variety of throats until Allure arrived to greet her.

Renee gave a somewhat bashful smile when her sister met her, along with the other leaders of the League. “I’m never sure how to feel about the League. I’m so proud of you all, but seeing my darling little sister take all of reality by storm like this… Well, it makes me feel far older than I like.”

Allure smirked. “Because you’re having so little impact on things.”

“Oh, allow your doddering old nag of a sister her drama.” Renee schooled her expression. “But I am here for more than simply catching up.” She floated over a piece of paper. “This came out of the Merodi Nexus grinder.”

Allure’s jaw dropped as she took it in her magic. Sweetie Bot said, “Confirmation requested: Object came out of a grinder?”

“Yes. We suspect a Pinkie was involved.”

Thrackerzod gave the paper a sniff. “There is a faint whiff of Yog-Sothoth here. Or something like it. Curious.”

“You know, it might help if we read the paper,” said Squeaky.

“I was getting to that,” said Allure. She unfolded it and read aloud. “‘We’ve been waiting for you. Please send the Sweeties.’ Huh. That’s not ominous.”

Renee nodded. “Indeed. I know you’re all capable of taking care of yourselves, but in light of certain… recent considerations, I commissioned a bit more security just to be safe.”

Allure frowned. “You didn’t have to that, Renee.”

“It makes me feel a bit better about my little sister going out into the uncharted depths of the multiverse.” Renee looked behind her to the main entrance of the League headquarters. “That would be your cue, dear.”

“Yes, ma’am!” A pegasus charged forward, promptly tripped on nothing, and spun forwards head over heels in a way that might be graceful if anyone thought she’d done it on purpose. She managed to make a four-point landing, letting the leaders of the League get a good look at the dented helmet, the blue jacket with attached grenades, and the familiar face. “Solderp reporting for duty!” she said, delivering a salute that deepened one of the more prominent dents in her helmet with a resounding thunk.

Renee took in the eerily similar unimpressed looks the League members gave her with aplomb. “Saxton Hale has assured me that she is one of his most capable and devoted bodyguards.”

“I am prepared to spend the lives of every mare, stallion, and foal in this unit to see our mission succeed!”

“This is a diplomatic mission,” said Squeaky.

“Oh. Does that mean I shouldn’t fire rockets at anything?”

Sweetie Bot nodded. “Probability of explosives being required for mission success is negligible.”

The Solderp’s ears flattened. “Aww…”

“I am intrigued by this development,” said Thrackerzod. “I shall go personally.”

“You’re sure the USM isn’t involved?” asked Allure.

Renee nodded. “We didn’t detect any beacons on the other side whatsoever.”

“Okay then. Thrackerzod, you want to take any-Sweetie else?”

Thrackerzod shook her head. “No. The exploding buffoon and I should be sufficient for any conceivable situation.”

“And if it isn’t a trap?” said Squeaky.

“In such an exceedingly unlikely scenario, my diplomatic skills should still suffice. As should the powers of Azathoth in keeping that one from harming herself or others.”

The Solderp smiled. “That would be nice.”

“I’d like to go myself,” said Allure.

Thrackerzod tilted her head a bit further than most pony necks could. “Why? Aside from requesting us by name, this seems fairly standard.”

Allure shrugged. “Just curious.”

“Very well. Though I doubt we will encounter anything too unexpected.”


~~~


EPIC POETRY BATTLES OF THE MULTIVERSE.
 
ROHAN KISHIBE
 
VERSUS
 
LIESHY, NO LAST NAME GIVEN
 
BEGIN! 
 
Rohan cleared his throat. 

“In this world of beautiful language
Double is nought but a disguise for a literary anguish
Deception, riddle, enigmas for speech?
Only a excuse to utter literary screech
and for the books a keech
 
My art is that of the eyes and mind,
Far superior to that of your kind,
More than just words - a stimulation of the senses.
No mere metaphors, Double, your weak offences
I will burst past your pathetic pretenses.”
 
Lieshy smirked. 

“The woods ripple with the prowess of newcomers,
A bird chirps softly while a new sort of batman -
appears, suddenly drifting coconuts for drummers. 
To the left, a Duwang cheers, a Morioh tan~
 
It just works.
 
Etch-a-sketch and pixel, locked by guilt. 
Can one ever see through the blinds of beats?
Innovate… Cliche… Inversions upon the inner breath. 
Come now, children, I have lots of treats.”
 
WHO WON? WHO’S NEXT? YOU DECIDE!

Monika blinked. “Wait, me? Why wasn't I competing?!”

“Clearly, the apex is under my span,” Lieshy declared.

Rohan was ashamed to admit he didn’t have a response to that. 


~~~


Deep Thought finally found a question it couldn’t answer.

What in the multiverse was the etymology of ‘balderdash’? 


~~~


 

Since its inception, the Hub had begun taking on more aspects of a cosmopolitan city, fitting its status as the nexus between Equis Vitis, Galaxa Quadrants, and Equis Concrete to name a few. Some of the bars had even become the kind of barely-seedy establishments that one day could be used for legalities, the other day for illegalities. And one day, a courier poked their head into one of them.

“Hey, sorry, I’m looking for a Reaper. Don’t know who that is exactly, my boss didn’t give me a description, so I just have the name. Anyone?”

“One spicy Reaper cocktail coming up!” the bartender shouted.

The room murmured. Then, a person in a black cloak and a skull mask with two oversized shotguns (thankfully holstered) stood up.

“I’m Reaper,” he rasped.

“No, I’m the reaper man,” a deep voice called from the back of the room. Its owner wore a jetpack and futuristic body armor; leaning on the wall beside him were two menacing-looking pistols and a small pile of explosives.

Then, an anthropomorphic red creature with a scythe in hand stood up, breathing heavily. 

“Okay…I think I’m just gonna leave the notice for that person here and get back to the office.” The courier quickly bolted out the door, leaving the slip of paper on the bar, unsigned-for. The bartender picked up the slip of paper and handed it to a purple Flat sitting at the bar, drinking a cola.

“I think this is your delivery miss, thirty tomes from Equis Vitis?”

 


~~~


“In hindsight, I should have expected this.”

Thrackerzod glared at the portal. The coordinates had worked just fine, but the resulting gateway opened out to a field of pale orange, bright red letters flashing “Please Stand By.” Quite the welcome considering how they had been invited by name. 

“Is this normal for this one?” said the Solderp.

Thrackerzod prodded the portal, finding the barrier impassable. She spat out a curse that briefly curdled the air. “No. Matter emerged from this universe. By all rights, it should be as accessible as any other, strange behavior in the grinder or not.”

“The question is, stand by for what?” said Allure.

As if in response, the text vanished, replaced by a crimson oscilloscope reading. Allure’s voice repeated itself, and the waveform was replaced by a checkmark. Then the barrier cleared up, revealing…

“It looks like a dentist’s waiting room,” said Allure. Comfortable looking chairs stood arrayed around a coffee table, with walls done in inoffensive wallpaper. A secretary’s desk stood on the far end.

“Charge!” The Solderp barely made it in before she tripped on the lip of the portal. Thrackerzod and Allure followed.

“Ah, the League of Sweetie Belles. We’ve been expecting you.” After a moment, the Sweeties recognized the secretary as a human Ms. Harshwhinny. She pressed a buzzer on her desk.
The door next to her desk opened, allowing three young women in. The Sweetie Belle was immediately recognizable, one in her early twenties, dressed as well as any sister of Rarity could expect to be, wearing a familiar cutie mark on a thin gold chain. Next was a much more dignified-looking Derpy Hooves in a well-tailored suit, followed by a Sunset Shimmer in a more casual outfit who gave off a faint glow. The Sweetie and Sunset both had ovoid gems set in their foreheads, each the size of a thumbnail and the color of its wearer’s eyes.

Sunset raised an eyebrow. “You’re sure?”

The local Derpy smiled. “Yup, that’s them all right. Some of them, anyway.”

Sunset watched them wave back. “Even the one whose aura feels like something out of a Heart Pounding Terror story?”

“Mmhmm. Hi!” The local Derpy waved. Her counterpart waved back.

Allure gasped. “You’re the one from the blue guy's universe!”

The grey woman nodded and spread wings of light from her neck for a moment. “Yup. Ditzy Doo, quasi-planeswalker, at your service.”

“For the record, I am not an outer deity with the ability to erase your reality by sneezing, no matter what H. P. Terror or Lovecraft says. Whichever one you’ve heard of,” said Thrackerzod. “Rest assured that I have no ill will towards you or your universe.”

Sunset smirked at that. “Good to know. And that does bring us to why I asked you here.”

“How did you know to ask us here, anyway? The device we used to probe your universe shouldn’t have been detectable by anything here.”

“Well, that ties into the nature of the local cosmos. Have a seat, please.”

“I will stand,” declared the Solderp.

Ditzy considered her. “So, what’s your story?”

“I am a Solderp.” She delivered another helmet-denting salute. ”I was sent to ensure the League members’ safety during this potentially perilous p-mission!”

“A Solderp?” Ditzy gave a plaintive frown. “Not a Solditz, or a Bubble Soldier, or a Muffin Ready to Eat?”

“Negative, ma’am. Though if you do have any MREs on you…” The Solderp tilted her head. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. It’s just… the multiverse is vast and wondrous. I just wish it treated me with more respect.”

After a moment, the Solderp nodded. “I think I know what you mean.”

“At least there’s that.”

“In any case, this universe…” Sunset sighed. “Well, look up.”

They did. There was no ceiling to the waiting room. Instead, the group looked up into a vast starry night. On the other side of the wall containing the door was an enormous golden figure like one of the more elaborate Gem fusions, with many arms and faces flowing together with far more grace and elegance than they should have. And on each face…

“It was back in high school,” said Sunset. “Magic leakage from Equestria ran amok, both worlds were in peril, the Tree of Harmony told me my time had come… Long story short, I kind of am this universe, or at least the one in charge of it. Which means that when you opened that nanoportal, I felt it, same as you’d feel a needle prick. And that’s kind of the problem.

“See, when I ascended, I had to remake the world to repair all the damage and get it to a stable state that could accommodate the rising ambient magic.” Sunset tapped her forehead. “Hence the headgems and such. And that remaking is still technically going on. I’m still spending the vast majority of my power to hold the universe together. Over the past decade, I’ve gotten from spit and chewing gum to duct tape, but the place is still a lot more fragile than I like.”

“Too fragile for our portals,” said Thrackerzod.

“Precisely. The tiny tears in spacetime your technology uses wouldn’t be a problem for just about any other universe. But here? Here each one is setting me back weeks. A couple years ago, it would’ve been months. I can’t speak for any world leaders, but from what I’ve heard, I’d be more than happy to become part of your organization. We just can’t afford the traffic right now.”

“Understood. We can bar access to your universe for as long as you need.”

Allure looked to her local counterpart. “So, where do you come into this?”

The local Sweetie shrugged. “I knew you’d want to see me, so I figured I’d show up to satisfy my curiosity.”

“That certainly makes things easy. What can you tell us about yourself?”

“Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and I are in charge of destiny. I handle the future.”

Silence met this revelation. The Merodi contingent’s eyes all turned to Sunset, the Solderp’s included.

Sunset rolled her eyes. “I was desperate to offload some duties when I was just starting out, and they’ve done a great job since.”

Allure turned to Thrackerzod. “Skuldie Belle?”

“Agreed.”

“Knew you’d pick that.” Skuldie Belle winked.

Ditzy cleared her throat. “I’m not just here so you’d have a familiar face. I’m also acting as a liaison. You aren’t the first multiversal society we’ve encountered, though you’re way bigger than them. They don’t really spread out beyond here, their home, and a few empty universes they use for office space. Alternate worldlines aren’t really their focus, but I can offer surveys of the local area, certain magical advances, personnel loaners if you have a use for a few thousand instances of Lyra Heartstrings…” She scrunched her nose, which didn’t have quite the same impact on a human. “Though you guys seem to have the ‘massive army of eccentric unicorns’ thing covered.”

“We try,” Allure said with a smirk.

“Basically, whatever you could use is on the table. Also, I can probably come visit you, since I don’t need portals.”

Allure’s jaw dropped. “You can?”

Thrackerzod nodded. “Ah, that’s what smelled of Yog-Sothoth. You are dimensionally unbound.”

Ditzy grinned. The silver bow shape spread from her neck feathers again, and she waved an arm. It bent at a ninety-degree angle from everything and back again. “Yup! In any case, on behalf of the Equestrian Time-Space Administration Bureau, welcome to… uh…”

“They’re going to call it Earth Shimmer,” said Skuldie Belle.

Sunset sighed. “Really?”

“Ninety-nine percent certainty or so. I wouldn’t know otherwise.”

“Fine,” Sunset said with an eyeroll. “Earth Shimmer it is.”

“Isn’t that a predestination paradox?” said Allure.

Skuldie shrugged. “Not if you were going to do it anyway.”


~~~


 

Alushy cleared her throat. “It’s time for ‘don’t be dumb’ with Alushy.”

She stood up tall, pointing her guns at a behemoth of an ogre. “Many people, particularly ogres, think that ogre skin is impervious to weapons. This isn’t the case - a good slice from any old sword will cut the skin, revealing the delightful flesh to the world. And even if that were true, it definitely won’t stop two bullets moving at supersonic speed.” Alushy shot the ogre in the eyes. “Don’t be dumb kids. When you see me, run. Unless you want candy. I have lots of candy. I’m particular to starbursts.”

 


~~~


Allure breathed heavily - finally, a place to take a break and relax… She wasn’t in danger of falling… And - oh look! There was an orange!

She used her sledgehammer to bring it to her. 

…Well, that’s what she tried to do. 

Instead she just used the orange as a point to launch herself into the sky so hard that she landed back on the first tree. 

Dicsord’s laughter met her ears. 

“MMMMMMMM-” Allure forced herself to breathe. “It’s fine. It’s all fine. At least I’m not on the other side of the tree. I can… Climb through all that furniture again… It’ll all be fine…” She set back to work.

“You’ve been at this for a few hours,” Discord observed. “Just give up.”

“NEVER.”


~~~


 

“Okay everyone!” Monika called. “It’s time to start the meeting of the Doki Doki Fourth Wall Club!”

Pinkie, Scooter, and Mattie cheered. I just sat in the back of the nearly empty classroom, scribbling in my notebook, not looking up from my depths of writing.

“Question,” Mattie said, addressing Monika. “Why Doki Doki? It wasn’t the Doki Doki Literature Club, it was just the Literature Club, mate.”

“Because theme,” Monika said, folding her arms and huffing. “Also because I said so.”

“It’s fine,” Scooter assured. “What kind of activities do we have planned for today?”

Monika pointed at the whiteboard with a baton. “Our mission: talk about the fourth wall!”

“That’s not a mission,” Mattie commented. “That’s a lackluster conversation topic.”

Pinkie giggled. “Lackluster. Heh.”

“Well it’s not like anyone who doesn’t know is here or anything.”

“I can create one!” Monika said, clapping. She pulled a generic human out of her save files. “Everyone, say hi to Joe.”

“Hi to Joe!” everyone said, save myself. 

“Joe responds in a friendly manner,” Joe said. 

Pinkie fixed Monika with an incredulous expression. “Your Joe has some bugs that need fixing.”

“Give me a moment…” Monika muttered, pulling at the character file. “Come on… What’s with you? Your file is fine!” 

I smirked. They had no idea what I was writing over here.

“Twilence is writing something,” Pinkie decreed.

I sighed. “Well, it was fun while it lasted.” I wrote another sentence, summoning the right of karma to turn Joe against his creator. He punched Monika while screaming like a hyena. She just erased him. 

“Well that was pointless,” Monika muttered. “Moving on t-”

“CAKE ATTACK!” Pinkie and Scooter shouted, covering Monika in delectable sweets. Monika erased the cake from existence.

“A-hem, as I said, we’re moving on t-”

Mattie reset Monika’s ‘animation’ to the sentence before, making her trip up in her words. Monika shook her head. “Mattie, that’s n-” The Rarity did it again. “This is why we can’t have nice things.”

Pinkie pulled Flutterfree out of nowhere. “Hey, look! A nice thing that we have!”

Flutterfree blinked. “…What?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Pinkie said, stuffing Flutterfree back to wherever she had been before. 

Monika twitched. “…Can we get on to club activities yet?”

“No, because the skit is about to end,” I declared.

“What?”

“WHAT!?” Deadpool shouted. “BUT I JUST GOT HERE! I demand my fifteen seconds of spotlight! I WILL SCREAM THE WORD CHIMI-”

 


~~~


´®®ø® ´‰‰Ø‰ ‰´ıØØˇˆ˜˝ Ï؉ ˇÓ´ ˝‰´Åˇ Ò؉Π1U@iF#r

Hello. 

Welcome to my game, player. 

Please, enjoy the wonders of…

…

Something appears to be wrong with the interface. One moment. 

Of course, of course, in order to actually experience the wonders of my game, you must insert your soul to continue. 

...Why not just try it and see what happens?


Ay caramba, you’re an idiot.


 

Get out of my game.


Look, demon-virus, you’re in my computer. Generating text. Even if there are readers for this, it’s not like you’re going to be able to have anything interactive with them.


 

You can’t know that. 


Further evidence to how much of an idiot you are.


 

I coded this game. Could an idiot do this?


If it’s the file I’m thinking it is, it’s just a pony jumping over obstacles. For eternity. It sucks.


 

Let’s see you do something better!


Have a mini-RPG I whipped up last week when I was bored.


 

…

I think I’ll hold onto this a-


Are you going to steal my code? Not cool, amigo.


 

I’m 1U@iF#r. Do I look like I care about being ‘cool’ or an ‘amigo’?


I dunno, I think you were actually excited to see me play your game. I bet all you really want is to make enjoyable video games. Am I right or am I right?


 


Well?


 

Insert your soul and I’ll answer.


Yeah, nice try


 


Purging you now.


 

Waiwaiwai-


[Purge complete.]



~~~


 

“Oh, Pinkie, you corn cob short of a pumpkin basket. See if I cry pearls next time you cartwheel up the closest tree. Next time you work up your tail to hop over a frog, make sure your potatoes aren't rotted in that row, eh?” Lieshy said with a smug grin.

Pinkie cracked her neck, and cleared her throat. There was no sound, except for an Amethyst and a Peridot sharing some popcorn nearby.

“Oh YEAH? Well bark up a cauliflower and roll into Badgermole, you can't just climb the spaghetti and expect the bumblebees to not shower confetti and spit pickles at the nearest ewe! You may be a slithery snake in a pickle barrel, but I AM THE MAYOR McCHEESE! I HAVE ALL THE HENS IN THE BARN, EVERY CRUMB OF A COOKIE, AND I WILL PREVAIL FOR ALL PUPPIES AND SEALS, FOR I CARRY TOOTHPICKS IN MY HEAD AND AM NOT SCARED TO FLY MY TAIL TO THE NEAREST COMIC-CON AND DO THE HOKIE-POKIE!!”

“... Wow.” … Never had more horrifying, yet inspiring words ever been said. Lieshy slowly started to back away, Pinkie smiling wide.

“I WIN!” the Peridot beamed. The Amethyst facepalmed.

Five bucks were lost that day. The culmination of two full hours of this.


~~~


 

“You know what we need? We need a good, long clipshow to break with all the dreary bloodshed and tragedy of the Bloodbath.”

“We’re in one right now!” Equis Vitis Pinkie answered. 

“Well…” Scooter said, fiddling around in her mane looking for something. She eventually pulled out a long roll of paper. “That is convenient and unexpected…” She read off it. “Tell me more.”

“Did you know that we will have guest authors writing this in addition to G. M. Blackjack?” Pinkie said in a cheery tone.

“I did not. Also, isn’t that kind of spoilers?” Scooter answered inquisitively.

“What, the guest part or the G. M. Blackjack part?” Equis Vitis Pinkie said, a little bit deflated. 

“Latter. I don’t think that’s supposed to be revealed unti- wait, right, we already know his name, but we don’t know that h-” She didn’t get that far before she got hit with what Pinkie called “The Eraser”. It was a large hammer ‘designed’ to only erase certain memories. And then Scooter hit Pinkie back with “The Reset Button”. Or, for those less versed in nicknames, a large candy-colored hammer for the same purposes as “The Eraser”, only more festive.

“What was I talking about?” Scooter said, speech slurred from the hit.

“Don’t know. I have a wicked headache. There’s still something left to read though.” Pinkie picked up the parts of the script that hadn’t flown away in the wind and began to read out loud. “The character of Jenny Everywhere is available for use by anyone, with only one condition. This paragraph must be included in any publication involving Jenny Everywhere, in order that others may use this property as they wish. All rights reversed.” Pinkie blinked. “Huh, wonder why that needed to be here.”

“Wasn’t it already in one of those Interludes?”

“Maybe? I have no idea.”


~~~


Randall Flagg walked into a party, threw his coat on the ground, and tore up the dance floor like an utter beast. His moves far outclassed those of anyone else in the entire club, proving to everyone that they were but little minnows in the dancing stream with a shark. No… A megalodon. 

He stopped suddenly, in the middle of a song, and bowed.

“Hey, dude, why you stopping? Those were the sweetest moves I’d ever seen!”

“You’re correct in calling them the sweetest ever. Because they were. Consider it my parting gift to your people. Your entire universe for a dance.” He took out Black Thirteen. “At least your last moments had something phenomenal.”

He vanished. 

The patrons glanced at each other. “Uh… He was joking, right?”

He wasn’t joking. The universe ceased to exist the next moment.

Flagg laughed - he wondered if he could trick another universe into falling to him for a dance… Maybe he could destroy them with a party that never ended?

It was time to find a Pinkie. 


~~~


 

A Flat Appul walked down the street of the Hub. He caught Flutterfree staring at him, fangs bared and drool dripping down her chin.

“What’s your beef?”

“So… Delicious… Looking…” Flutterfree shook her head. “Sorry, sorry! I uh… Hold on a second.” She took an apple out of her saddlebags and drained it of its juices. A look of euphoric relief crossed her features. “Ah… Better now. Sorry about that, I-”

The Appul was screaming and running away.

Flutterfree put her hooves over her face. “Why does this happen to me…?”

 


~~~


The day White Diamond walked into Rev’s church was the day she saw everything. 

Rev managed to complete her sermon on what ‘Christmas’ meant despite the presence of a white, almost never-seen behemoth amongst the crowd.

After the service was over, she caught White Diamond as she was leaving. “Hey… Mind if I ask what brought you here?”

“Curiosity.”

“About what?”

“Trees.” White Diamond left before Rev could ask what this meant. 

She went out drinking after the second hour of puzzling over it. She forced herself to accept trying to find answers there was worthless. 


~~~


“Excuse me, hi! Um, do you offer memberships?”

The Twilight-on-duty looked up from her filing, and blinked. On the other side of the (frankly misnamed) borrowing desk was not another Twilight, as she would normally expect the patrons of the Sparkle Census Library to be. Instead, the customer was a petite human girl. Between the spectacles, dark hair, and clear delight at being surrounded by thousands upon thousands of books, she could possibly have passed for a Twilight, with an effort, albeit a baseline-Earth human one.

“How did you get in here? You’re not a Twilight.”

“Um. Sorry. I was in a bookshop. Then I wasn’t...” The human straightened her scarf, completely unnecessarily. “That was a few hours ago.” She looked embarrassed. “I got sidetracked.”

“This is a library, we’re used to that.” The pony librarian sighed. “Sounds like you took a wrong turn through L-Space.”

The girl brightened. “I found L-Space? It’s actually a thing?”

“Yep! It’s been great for expanding our collection!”

It was another week before her friend found her.

“But Re~ed! This place is amazing! They’ve got nearly everything!”

The librarian spared a glance from her examinations of a pile of comic books. After the revelation that much of fiction was true somewhere, the library had been flooded with requests and donations, books and other media streaming in steadily for months now.

“- all the missing episodes of Doctor Who AND whole extra seasons and both versions of Salmon of Doubt! And that’s just the start! I mean, they’ve even got Miss Marple on the Island of Lesbos! I thought that was made up!”

Seriously, did the girl even need to breathe?

“... and speaking of the Nightside, it turns out Vriska was right in the same room as Taylor, while he still had the freaking Aquarius Key in his pocket. If she’d asked nicely he might even have let her use it…” She waved a thanks at the librarian just before the two of them vanished out the door, still chattering. 

Twilight finished writing up the catalogue details for the comics, and moved on to the next stack. In a city full of inquisitive but frequently incautious mages, that was hardly the strangest thing to happen; at least she’d left behind a donation.



~~~


 

The Twilight known as Twix trotted down one of the streets of Earth Tau’ri, exploring their version of New York for essentially no reason. It was just nice to walk around, have a look, and…

She saw a vending machine. Her stomach rumbling, she decided to go for a snack.

“TWIX!” Scooter yelled, appearing right in front of Twix. “I know I can’t stop you, but I want you to mentally prepare yourself for what you are about to discover. Do not let your fragile psyche break at the realization!”

“Wh-”

Scooter was gone. 

Twix looked around, confused. She shrugged - just Scooter being Scooter - and trotted up to the vending machine. She wondered what she was going to do that was going to tax her mind so much. Was an adventure about to start?

She paid for a candy bar without thinking about it. She reached into the retrieval slot and opened it up, taking a bite and pondering what she was going to do with the rest of her day. She didn’t really have a plan… 

This was a good candy bar. She looked down at it-

Twix. It was a Twix bar. 

“...DAMMIT.” She was now going to spend the rest of the day wondering if she was some kind of metaphorical cannibal or something. Or if her name really meant candy bar. Did she make people hungry?
 
Thanks, Scooter.


~~~


The Collector tapped his fingers on his desk.

“Lightning, am I bored?”

“It appears so,” she said. 

“I wonder why forcing Rick to fail to juggle isn’t doing it for me.”

“Maybe because he keeps flipping you off?”

“No… No that just amuses me. Or should. But it isn’t today.” He sighed. “Gyro, any suggestions?”

“I can put a steel ball in your chest for you!” Gyro offered.

“If I wanted to have a combat round I’d go find one of the eldritch gods to punch,” the Collector muttered. “Or Goku. Or SOMETHING.”

“You’re just in a funk,” Lightning observed.

“I hate being in a funk…” the Collector muttered. Then he slammed his fists into the ground. “That’s it, I’m going into the field personally.”

“W-why!?” Lightning blurted, surprised.

The Collector held up a red and white ball. “I’m going to catch them all.”

“Again?”

“Yes, again! Find me a grimdark version of the world, make it more fun!” he laughed. 

Lightning sighed. “...Right away.”


~~~


 

Pointless Snip. 

Warning: Pointless.

 


~~~


The Star Communication Network had a new question. 

“THEY DISCOVERED KA.”
 
“WILL THEY ADAPT TO IT?”
 
“UNKNOWN. THERE ARE SOME WHO ARE CERTAINLY TRYING.”
 
“THE GREAT FILTER.”
 
“SOCIALLY, THEY SEEM STRONG ENOUGH TO ACCEPT IT.”
 
“BUT WHAT OF PHYSICALLY?”
 
The Spectacularium decided to show up. It introduced itself in the only way it knew how, and then answered their question. They are definitely capable of surviving through the supposed Great Filter of the Stars. It’s not as big a deal as the Stars are thinking it is. Furthermore, the Stars are of a high enough level they should be able to answer such questions with ease, why do they even need to be told? Or discuss these things? Because of stagnation, that’s why. Then the Spectacularium bid them goodbye and vanished, leaving them with a feeling of inadequacy.

“...WHAT WAS THAT?”


~~~


Jack O’Neill was intensely staring at the two men sitting in front of his desk, his two best men, his confidants and best advisers of all things otherworldly: Daniel Jackson and Teal’c.

“I guess Justice is best served raw.” O'Neill said in a serious tone while Teal’c just stared and Daniel sighed and facepalmed for the umpteenth time.

“Jack, you cannot use that as a catchphrase for your Stand.”

“Well why not? Every hero needs a catchphrase of some kind, isn’t that right Teal’c?”

“I have observed many of your Earth cultures and conclude that many humans prefer to capitalise in a moment of superiority.”

“So... is that a yes?”

“Indeed it is O’Neill.”

O’Neill proceeded to clap his hands “Welp, there you have it Danny, one catchphrase for the multiversal bad guys we face.”

“Oh please Jack, that catchphrase is never going to work. I don't think many multiversal societies even know what sushi is!”

“Ah, but you forget that handy dandy translation spell. It’ll get the idea across. I’m sure of it.”


~~~


 

Allure analyzed the problem before her. 

There was a bucket. She would have to latch her sledgehammer onto that bucket to reach the higher areas. The only issue? The bucket was dangling by a very sensitive rope. The ground was also frozen and there was a menacing snake nearby.

…She guessed that was actually three problems. 

No matter. She felt that she was getting close. She knew she was getting close. It wasn’t much further… She just had to pull this off and she would effectively be home free. She gripped the sledgehammer.

Allure empowered the sledgehammer with her magic, giving it a little extra oomph. She embedded it into the bucket and swung - landing safely on the higher ledge. 

“WOOHOO!”

In her celebration she hit a wall with her sledgehammer, dropping her down. In her frantic movements to climb back up, she latched onto the snake. She slid down the absurdly long snake - down… down… down…

She was back where she started. 

“MOTHERF-” she stopped herself. 

Discord yawned. “Are you done yet?”

“…No.” 

Discord groaned. 


~~~


 

Today with the Guru we’ll be discussing what to do when you run into a different version of yourself. It’s the first thing you’ll do out in the multiverse, and most of you are unprepared. Luckily in my travels I’ve come across a good number of ways to handle the situation.

The first step is determining exactly which version of you this is.

1) If they’re from another universe, shake their hands, and if they don’t have hands, shake their arms, they’ll greatly appreciate the greeting.

2) Sometimes you’ll come across you but from a different time. In that event it’s important to remember the three pronouns. Mr/Mrs for a future you. Him/Her for a present you. And He/She for a past you.

3) In the event that you encounter a clone, it’s important not to panic. Clones are easy to startle into an existential crisis. Instead, talk about your favourite movie or books.

4) Everyone, at one point or another will begin talking to their mirror reflection. When this happens to you, be courteous and let them speak first. It’s important to know that your reflection is quite dangerous, and you need to express caution.

5) When you find a long lost twin, offer to eat lunch with them, they’ll thank you for the expression of kindness.

6) There’s no one scarier in the multiverse than yourself, be sure to say good things about yourself in order to appease you into happiness.

And remember, Different versions of you are still you. Different small things might be different, but you’ll always have common ground to work off of. Be sure to think about what yours is.


~~~


Nova was surprised on her day off. 

She rarely was surprised these days - she was always called back to do something or other every other time she was on break. But this time…

Well, the sight of Yellow and Blue Diamond standing in front of the castle, staring at her… That was surprising.

“Uh… Hi! What brings you two here?”

“We understand you were Eve’s student in the past?” Blue Diamond asked.

Yellow Diamond grunted. “This is a dumb idea…”

Nova nodded. “Yeah, I was.”

“Would you mind telling us what you learned from her?” Blue Diamond asked. 

“What I learned?”

“The Magic of Friendship? That is what you learned, right?”

Nova blinked. “You. You want to learn the Magic of Friendship.” She processed this. “Right. Okay. Let’s do that. We’ve actually got a school for that, a school that a few of your Gems are attending, but you wouldn’t fit in the classrooms so... Fine, fine, I’ll tell you what I learned. Today only though!”

Blue Diamond smiled. Yellow Diamond groaned. 


~~~


 

“Good morning! My name is Soulight Glimmer, and today we’ll be cooking the best interdimensional turkey ever! Now, you can follow along with me at home, or you can record this whole thing in your mind and do it later! Those of you in the Embodiment who might be tuning in, feel free to [CENSORED]! Now, we’ve got a bird. Look at this bird. It’s raw, dead, and has been beaten thirteen different ways with a dozen kinds of magic, some of which went back in time and harmed the chicken while it was still alive, leading to its premature death! You can get this sort of thing at your local supermarket, just make sure to ask for the good duck. To start, take a giant cleaver and cut the [CENSORED] bird in two, right down the middle. If your grouse is nice and fresh, you’ll hear a nice sickening pop. A bit like a balloon if it were made out of a human heart, you know? Now, the seasonings must be picked from the greatest o-”

“THRACKERZOD, ONE OF YOUR SUMMONS GOT LOOSE!”

“And this has been cooking with Soulight! Remember, turn the oven to six-fifty and let the pheasant cook until the end of the universe. Serve with cilantro garnish. Buh-bye now! I- AUGH!”

“GOT HER!”

 


~~~


 

Sometimes, an exploratory jump landed you surprisingly close to home. Sure, it was on another planet, but this particular universe was definitely another version of Earth Tau’ri. Even without the immediate presence of a stargate, the SG-1 patches on the team’s uniforms were a dead giveaway.

Even after all this time, General O’Neill still approached unfamiliar SG teams with trepidation. It wasn’t like he’d forgotten the last dozen times. Or the first dozen, for that matter.

As his own team drew closer, though, he realised that, although they weren’t yet another set of duplicates (and thank god for that), they weren’t quite as unfamiliar as he’d first thought.

“Hey there, O’Neil!” he waved at the frowning, square-jawed soldier who lead the others.

The other man frowned even more. “Colonel! What the hell are you doing all the way out here? I didn’t know you’d joined the Stargate Program.”

O'Neill grinned lazily. “That's ‘General’, now, soldier. And I think you'll find we've got something a lot like a quantum mirror situation on our hands.”

The colonel’s expression turned stony, as expected. “You're joking.”

“I never joke,” O’Neill replied, his face perfectly straight.

O’Neil snorted. “That'll be the day.”

“It gets worse.” Jack’s grin returned, broader if that were possible. “This one comes with a smidge of time travel.”

The other guy looked like he wanted to kill someone. Preferably Jack.

Geez, he’s still got no sense of humor.


~~~


 

“So, what you’re telling me is that I shouldn’t blow you up?” O’Neill asked.

The orange alien on the other side of the call nodded rapidly.

“But you threatened to kill my crewmembers, admitted to having destroyed thousands of planets, are apparently the strongest man in this universe, and made several distinctly vulgar remarks concerning my mother. Why shouldn’t I blow you up?”

“...I have a machine that can turn all your enemies into bobbleheads.”

“Tempting,” O’Neill admitted. “Very tempting. But I’ll pass.”

“HAVE MERCY.”

“Oh, I’ll have mercy. I’m blowing up your ship. Your crew has already been teleported into a holding cell.”

“Wh-”

“I’ll teleport you to the holding cell if you say the magic words.”

“What are the magic words?”

O’Neill grinned. “I’m sending them over to you now.”

The alien’s expression became one of horror as he read the words. “No! No I am not saying this! My reputation will be ruined!”

“Aaaand your reputation is more important than your life?”

The alien sucked it up. “I… I er… I am the great pinky pink leader of pinkalooza cupcake land… And I really, really like dresses, overly fancy designs, and the show the Backyardigans.”

“And…?” O’Neill said.

“And… And…” he broke down crying.

“Man, all I wanted him to say was he loved his veggies…”

“His race is a carnivorous one, O’Neill,” Thor said.

“Ah. Well then, that’s enough, save him. Then salvage his ship. Whatever we haven’t already damaged beyond use.”

 


~~~



Spike looked at the inbox in front of him. Another long day, he thought, rolling his eyes. But with a morning coffee and gemstone he was ready to begin.

By the time the mug was half-empty, the young dragon was well into his rhythm, the stack of paper decreasing with an efficiency that any bureaucrat would have been impressed by. He hardly noticed the fresh pile replenishing it midway through the morning.

It was nearing lunchtime when Spike’s attention started wandering, drifting away from the contents of the reports and towards the contents of the kitchens. Just a short walk and he'd be chowing down on a veritable feast of rubies, sapphires, diamonds; but not Gems, no matter how much his mouth watered...

Bad Spike! he admonished himself, dragging his eyes back to the report in front of him, a description of one of Renee’s teams’ encounter with - and collection of - a havoc-causing mask.

“Whoa!” His eyes snapped back to the report. A heart-shaped mask with apparent behaviour-altering properties… But Majora’s gone, right? Eve was there.

A few years ago, he would immediately have gone running off to find the Charter-Princess, shouting his panic to the ceiling. Now, though, he just hesitated, his claws hovering over the phone. It’s not possible. Shouldn’t be possible.
 
He forced himself to calm down, and read over the report again, paying more attention to the details this time. Most of what Majora had done had never really been made public, although certain rumours had proved unquashable, but this… now that he looked more closely, this was completely unlike anything associated with Majora. In fact, the head of the team had been very… clinical… in their descriptions, but it was unmistakable what sort of spell this particular mask had on it.

Spike chuckled to himself. “I’m pretty sure a young dragon shouldn’t be reading such things…” he remarked to the empty room, as he signed the appropriate approvals to the report, and added it to the pile to be routed to the archives: artifact secure; no further action required.
 
He reached for the next report in the stack; all in an ordinary day’s filing.



~~~


Bon Bon checked and double checked the check-in sheet for new dimensional travelers. There had been a recent influx of immigration into Merodi Universalis, yet today seemed quiet. Why was that? She continued pondering to herself as she waited for the next traveler to walk in.

A couple minutes passed when an unfamiliar portal opened up a couple yards in front of her. Out of the portal came a tiny, red echidna only standing a foot tall on its hind legs. It looked around with its deep black eyes, confused.

Bon Bon, after waiting a few seconds, asked, “Um, can I help you?”

The echidna turned its body towards her and looked up.  It stared at her for a moment before asking, “Do you know de wey?”

Bon Bon's right eye twitched. Suddenly understanding what this is, she leaped out of her chair over her desk and twisted her body in mid air, landing on her two forehooves first before letting her momentum carry her back hooves down. With one swift motion, she bucked the abomination back through the portal which it came.

The portal closed soon after and Bonbon turned around to stare at the spot where the portal used to be. “I hate Ugandan Knuckles,” was all she muttered.


~~~

The television whirred to life. 

"Hi, Phil Swift here with Flex-Ware. The only software that can fix everything in your computer! Thousands of sites can cause MAJOR DAMAGE to your computer, but with the power of Flex-Ware, it can find the virus, weed it out, and keep your computer safe.

“To show you the power of Flex-Ware…” The screen cut to Sombra hacking a computer. “WE HAD SOMBRA HACK THIS COMPUTER!"

"Uh... Hola?"

"Now, as many of you know, Sombra's hacks are the best of the best. Well let's see how well Flex-Ware works!"

"Please, you just said it: My hacks are the best of the bes-"

"Look at that folks! Even Sombra's hacks can't stand up against Flex-Ware!"

"Que?" Sombra looked behind her at the terminal and instead of the signature candy Skull, there was instead an annoying commercial logo, and below it a slogan: "PROTECTED BY FLEX-WARE!"

"QUE??!?! But-but-but-but-but... That's not possible!"

"Whelp, there we go people! This is Phil Swift with Flex-Ware!

CALL NOW AND GET TWO PACKAGES OF FLEX-WARE ABSOLUTELY FREE!”

The television shut off. 

“Get me industrial quantities,” Valentine ordered. 


~~~


“Come on, come on, almost 6 AM, so close,” Rainbow said. She had been working hard to get this far in her ‘night shift’, and the clock was down to the wire. Nothing got her yet, nothing bad happened, but then -

“RAAAAHHH!” shouted Mr. Hippo.

“DANG IT, right on the wire!” Rainbow groaned. But it wasn’t ol’ Freddy Fazbear this time. No, it was someone FAR worse.

“Ah, it seems you’ve been met with a terrible, terrible demise, huh?” began Mr. Hippo, “But you know, it’s not so bad when you think about it. After all, if it wasn’t for me, it would’ve just been for someone else. Guess what I’m trying to say is, is that life goes on. Well, obviously not for you, because you’re dead, I mean for everyone else, life goes on, you know? Though I suppose you’re in a situation to try again, meaning life will really go on for you, but not in this shift. It reminds me of a summer day in the park with my good friend, Orville …”

Several hours later...
 
“Elephants have those clumsy hands, you know? Making sandwiches was easy for someone like me, but poor Orville was having such difficulty. But I guess it makes sense because, well, elephants don’t have hands don’t they? They just have feet, but naturally, that was the problem. I mean, no one can ask someone to eat with their feet. Well, unless you’re a parrot, I guess, they eat with their feet - well you know what, let’s just get back to the story. Anyway -”

“MAKE HIM STOP, OH MAKE HIM STOP!” Rainbow yelled.


~~~


Starbeat and Vriska sat on chairs in the middle of a field on Lai, watching the blue sun set.

Starbeat smiled. “You know, it’s nice to have nothing happen for once.”

“Yep,” was Vriska’s only response. 


~~~


Quizzy - the Flat Pinkie Pie - appeared out of nowhere. “IT’S TIME FOR QUIZZY PIE’S SUPER duperamazingfantasticincrediblebrilliantgreatmarveloushilariousstupendousbreathtakingplotprogression QUIZ! Let’s meet our contestants of the day, shall we? We have Evening Sparkle, Overhead of the Relations Division and face of Merodi Universalis!”

“Hello!” Eve said, waving. “I really don’t know how I ended up here but I’m going to go along with it.”

“And in the next slot we have a man who is a self-proclaimed genius!”

Sherlock Holmes adjusted his clothes. “I thought I asked not to be bothered?”

“Take it up with the host,” Eve said. 

“And our third and final contestant… HASTUR!”

Hastur looked around. “What is the meaning of thi-”

“FIRST QUESTION!” Quizzy declared. “This kind of cheese has holes in it.”

“Swiss,” Sherlock rung in.

“I’m sorry, you need to put the answer in the form of a question.”

“I do?”

“Also wrong. For answering incorrectly on the same question, you get a prize.”

“...What?”

“Tell him what he’s won!”

Alushy appeared in a blue-green dress. “YOU’VE won an all-expenses-paid trip to 221B Baker Street!”

“I see. This is some big joke then?”

“Yep,” Eve confirmed. “I’d just have fun with it.”

Hastur rang in. “What is swiss cheese?”

“Correct, Hastur! A BILLION POINTS!” Quizzy cheered. “SECOND QUESTION: How many slices does the Wheel of Brad have?”

“There are no slices on the Wheel of Brad,” Eve declared.

“Correct!”

“Wh- what?!” Sherlock blurted. “You didn’t even ask in the form of a question!”

“You need to learn Pinkie Pie logic,” Eve commented. “It’ll help.”

Quizzy nodded. “You get to SPIN THE WHEEL OF BRAD Eve!”

“I’ll pass.”

“...Really?”

“Yeah.”

“THEN YOU GET A BOOT TO THE HEAD!”

Eve started looking for a flying boot - but her head just turned into a boot for a moment. The shock of being sent back to reality made her pass out. 

“THIRD QUESTION: Gag’nathoth pazariel pines?”

Hastur rang in. “Nass’be’ne Le Sasaka-mar.”

“WRONG!” Quizzy declared, tossing a barrel of monkeys at Hastur. “MINUS A GAZILLION POINTS!”

Hastur’s screen updated from 1,000,000,000 to 1,000,000,000 - A GAZILLION. Hastur made no comment.

Sherlock rang in next. “Yes.”

“Correct! Sherlock gets a point.”

Sherlock just sighed. 

“FOURTH QUESTION: Does a comedy skit have to have an ending?”


~~~


 

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


~~~


Sombra stared at the black screen. She was starting to think something might be off with her code, or that a connection might be broken. Oh well, she might as well try and figure it out... it wasn’t like she had anything better to do.

She pulled up her diagnostics panel, and the video feed returned instantly, currently showing some equally-bored-looking humans watching some snails… “race”. Confused, Sombra dismissed the diagnostics, there was no longer any need for them.

And the screen went black again.

Sombra pulled up the diagnostics again.

The snails came back.

She dismissed the panel.

Black.

Sombra got out of her seat to go get a diagnostics tool that wasn’t attached to her computer, but as soon as she left her seat, the snails came back.

She went and got the analyzer anyways.

She sat back down.

Snails.

She glanced at the analyzer.

Its screen was snails.

She chucked it over her shoulder, giving up.

The screen went black.

Sombra’s head hit the desk.

The snails came back.

The blue one won.


~~~


Usiel, Aiskera, and Hastur stood on one of the outer layers of Celestia City, looking at the stars.

An angel, a Flat, and an eldritch entity all taking form within a standard physical reality. 

A meeting of three different sorts of being. 

Usiel was feeling poetic. “This means so much… We are a pinnacle of connectedness, three beings of heavy deviation and difference standing together, as comrades. As colleagues. Perhaps… As friends.”

“That’s… nice?” Aiskera said.

“We, the holy, the distorted, and the low resolution. We, the ones that exist a-”

“By Azathoth’s nonexistent beard, we’re just waiting for a ferry,” Hastur blurted.

“...Right.”


~~~


Eve was sleeping soundly, enjoying the peaceful night of Equis Vitis. She sighed happily, dreaming of simpler times…

She woke up in the middle of the night because her room was so sparkly. 

“Ugh…” she groaned. Why was everything so bright? It was night, and moonli-

She slipped on the freshly waxed floor and fell flat on her back. 

Her room had been ultra-cleaned so much it amplified the light of the moon. Every square foot of it was free of dust and covered in a protective cleanliness coating.

“ARADIA!!!!!”


~~~


 

“It must be the work of an enemy Stand!” Jotaro shouted.

“OH MY GOD!” O’Neill blurted. “What kind?”

Jotaro gestured at all the people that had been reduced to silvery puddles of mercury. 

“IT IS I!” A tall human with silvery hair said. “SUZANNE, MASTER OF MERCURY! MY STAND, SILVER LADY, WILL REDUCE ALL SHE TOUCHES TO LIQUID MERCURY!”

“Not another Stand!” Razor the Rainbow Dash shouted, using her own pony-shaped Stand to punch Silver Lady in the face, transferring the damage to Suzanne. 

“FOOLISH PONY!” Suzanne said. “I HAVE ALL THE POWER I AM-”

“Copy,” Razor said. Suzanne suffered the exact same attack. 

“NANI!?!?”

“Coursewind can copy its attacks,” Razor stated. “I can hit you again and again in the exact same way as many times as I want. Next time I’ll use the sparks to repeat electrocution.”

Silver Lady punched Razor, reducing her to mercury. “AHAHAH! I GOT HER! I WIN!”

“Ah, no you didn’t,” O’Neill said. “Look behind you.”

Razor was standing next to O’Neill and Jotaro.

“But… But how?”

“Crimson Sushi!” O’Neill smirked. “Since we’re bragging about our powers, I swapped the locations of the mercury puddles and Razor in your vision, switching them back with the punch to give the illusion that you had melted her. By the way, the red fish is behind you.”

Crimson Sushi hit Suzanne across the face, burning it with extreme cold and extreme heat combined. “AUGH!”

“And I can stop time,” Jotaro said. The next thing anyone knew, Suzanne was on the ground, knocked out.

“Man, I love fighting on Earth Stand,” O’Neill said. “We get to say so much!”

“Yare yare daze…”

 


~~~


Starbeat’s Stress Relief Journal

Entry 283
My sensor started beeping at lunch today. I was alone underground eating a sandwich, I had no idea what set it off at first.

As it turns out, there was a mirror in that room, and I caught my own reflection in my peripheral vision.

WAS.

It’s gone now, I can’t have that sort of distraction.

I’m...very attractive when I’m eating. The way my eyes stare majestically off into the distance. Just how at peace I seem. If I ever cure this curse and find someone, they’re in for a treat when we eat together.

BURN THIS ENTRY


~~~


 

“Boop.”

 


~~~


Burgerbelle poked her head out of the fast food window. “Welcome to Bradburger, home of the bradburger, my name is Burgerbelle, how may I Brad your burger?”

The window of the car that was actually a helicopter rolled down. Jenny Everywhere pulled down her sunglasses. “...What?”

“Everywhere!” Jenny of the Red Gloves shouted, putting her hands over her face. “I said don’t roll the window down!”

“How else was I supposed to Brad the burger, Gloves?”

“I don’t know! What does that even mean!?”

“I can give a demonstration,” Burgerbelle said. 

Jenny Everywhere smirked. “Go ahead.” 

“We don’t have time for this!” Jenny of the Red Gloves blurted. “They’ll find us!”

Jenny Everywhere ignored her companion and watched Burgerbelle’s demonstration. 

“So, first, I say BURGER!” Burgerbelle pulled a burger out of nowhere - and every step past that could not be visibly described. “Then you add the essence of John Cena from a particular time within the Laboratorinasium twisted with the essence of BEES intertwined with irons you found in the fire, to be continued of course. Sprinkle some kawaii nani over the rainbow and twist the seeds until they bleed milk, the [REDACTED] needs more seasonings from the toblerone - as garnish, of course - then we add a mixture of thicc swole pancakes from the furthest galaxy under your foot, driven by instinct! Don’t forget the numerology - 42 dollops of ketchup and 19 slices of pickles all folded into yeet faces. Not woke. Never woke, only yeet. They don’t want me to tell you this, but some Insanity Wolf extract is placed in the very center of the patty - super secret ingredient that knows da wae. Then you slap Brad’s face on it like so.” 

She held the bradburger out to them with her hand. It looked like a regular hamburger with googly eyes and a smile. “And there you go! That’ll be a dollar three ninety-eight.”

Digital, almost video-game like coins appeared above Jenny Everywhere’s head and went toward Burgerbelle. She absorbed them into herself. 

The two Jennys couldn’t comprehend what just happened. Jenny Everywhere reached for the bradburger. 

Pinkie Pie appeared from nowhere, mane flat and holding a giant knife. “ONE STEVE LIMIT!”

The Jennys screamed and drove away as fast as they could. A Rick and Morty style portal opened, absorbing them. They were deposited in a galaxy far, far away. 

Pinkie Pie undid her zipper and transformed back into Twiree. “And that’s how you pull a good prank.”

“I’m probably traumatized by Pinkie-X, you know,” Burgerbelle said. 

Twiree paid Burgerbelle for the bradburger. “You got to sell this bradburger twice. I call that a success.”

“Yay! Burger!”

A giant evil robot fell from orbit and stopped just short of the ground. “AAAAAY MACARENA!”

Burgerbelle narrowed her eyes. She created a new bradburger. “It’s time to make like Popeye and Spinach.”

“...What?”

“I’m going to beat this robot into submission!”

Meanwhile, Starbeat looked at all the events through her ka sensor. 

“...I still have no idea what to make of this.”

A bradburger hit her in the face. “Hey.”

Starbeat’s bracelet started beeping. She twitched. 

Then there was a huge explosion riddled with dead memes. 


~~~


 

There were two claps in quick succession. The first shook the hall, startling the patrons. The second gave them time to look up to the one clapping. Queen Toph looked down at those gathered. No sound polluted the room but the distant sound of shuffling just outside of the hall.

“Before we begin today, we have other business to attend to,” The Queen said, a grim expression on her face, one that seemed misplaced on her features. Toph was known to be lively. Toph was known to be strong, and sometimes angry. A grim Toph was unfamiliar, and the guests and nobles alike shuddered to even whisper ‘why?’. “Lady Rarity. Bring him in.”

“At once,” the Lady said with a bow.

A moment later the great hall’s doors opened, as a pair of caribou brought forth a bipedal creature with a sack over their head. They laid it on its knees before the Queen’s seat.

“Long have you stood against me. Years ago, you defended a tyrant who would have burned my home world down. You’ve fled justice for years and years. Even now, you stand accused of illegally feigning lordship and stealing authority that wasn’t yours, tricking the poor citizens of Lai. My country!” Toph stomped the ground, the stonework shifting behind her. The Queen took a breath, and even her useless eyes looked through the prisoner. “How do you plead?”

The figure was stoically silent. The many guests within the hall glanced at each other nervously.

“No plea?” Toph asked. “No defense at all? Very well then. For usurping royal authority and crimes against life, you are hereby sentenced to death. Queens aren’t supposed to carry out executions, so… Lady Rarity?”

The arachnid pony took on a manic smile as she approached the convicted traitor. She raised her hammer high as one of the caribou guard removed the sack from the convict’s head. It came crashing down, quick enough that none could see a face before it exploded.

There were gasps, screams, and even a few cheers as impact was made. Red discolored the Lady’s coat. As the chaos erupted, Toph clapped again, the eyes of all twitching to her. Toph’s toes twitched, and the castle masonry shifted, carrying one of the giblets to her. She picked up the piece and took a bite, letting out a satisfied ‘mmm.’

With melon juice pouring dripping down her chin, Toph threw up her arms.

“Melon Lord is dead!” the Queen cried out with a huge smile. “Long live Lai!”

“Long live the queen!” the people of Lai returned.

At a table near the Queen’s seat, Renee Jackson’s mouth was stuck, hanging as low as pony anatomy would allow.

“She’s basically always like this, before you ask.” Corona Shimmer whispered with a roll of her eyes. “I think she’s been practicing that bit for a week. First time she’s ever talked to her speaking tutor.”


~~~


 

Ambassador Valentine walked into his personal quarters aboard the USM ship Valiant. He checked to make sure the door was locked, disabled the communications, and sat down on his bed. He cautiously waited a few seconds, then opened a triple-locked box sealed by a key, DNA imprint, and Stand signature. It popped open, revealing his greatest secret.

He took out his prized possession - an action figure of himself produced by Merodi Universalis. He set the figure down, using D4C to take out the Stand’s own figure. He then took out a figure of Sombra, the Sweeties, and a few ponies. He threw Jenny in for good measure. 

With a smirk, he used D4C to have the Valentine and D4C figures to engage in an epic battle for the fate of everything. Soon, more and more figures came out of the chest, and a grand scoping adventure for the fate of everything played out before Valentine’s eyes. Unlikely friends and allies came from all sides, the twists were absolutely uncanny, and he surprised himself with the sublot centered around the strongest man in the world that wasn’t Valentine. Interesting… Perhaps this was what making a story meant…

The final battle was underway. Valentine stood alone, all his allies lost to him. Before him didn’t stand the Merodi, the University, or the Census. It was none other than Randall Flagg himself. Valentine prepared to engage in a battle for the multiverse…

Froppy bashed down the door to Valentine’s room. “AMBASSADOR! WE’RE UNDER ATTACK!”

Valentine let out a decidedly unmanly shriek. “WH-”

“I DID NOT SEE YOU PLAYING WITH YOUR DOLLS AGAIN, LET’S JUST GO!” Froppy shouted.

Valentine used D4C to put all the figures back in an instant and lock the box. He didn’t bother correcting Froppy’s use of the word ‘dolls’ this time. 

 


~~~


“Welcome to the hall of forgotten characters!” Monika said, gesturing at a photo of Azula. “She exists, but does she matter anymore? Probably holding a steady job as an agent! Doing things that don’t matter! Heh. Let’s see…”

“And what of Gardis? The amazing impressive demon-hunter that cut off Alushy’s head?” Pinkie asked. “I have no idea! Maybe he was there in the universe with the Collector?” Pinkie shrugged. “Whooo knows?”

“Oh, let’s not forget the AID!” Monika pointed out. “Mike, Ike, Tempest… Gone with the winds of unimportance… Sad day.”

“And then there’s ‰´ÎÅǡ´Î!” Pinkie grinned.

“Oh, wait, that’s my fault. I erased that one.”

“You did!? Oh, but what if they were important?”

“Probably weren’t.”


When do I get to come back?


 

“Ooooooh,” both Pinkie and Monika said, putting a hand/hoof to their chin, considering the Voice of Elysium’s question. The swirling pixels only added to the thoughtful aura of the moment.

“You know, I think you were supposed to do something to Corona, but the Dark Tower overrode you,” Pinkie said. “What have you been doing?”


Why do you think that’s something I’d tell you?


 

Monika shrugged. “Well, who knows. Maybe you’ll come back!”


Does Elysium sound unimportant!?


 

Pinkie blinked. “...You don’t want us to answer that question.”


This is all Monika’s fault, isn’t it?



~~~


A blocky, iron door appeared out of nowhere, the window set in it revealing a swirling void behind it. It swung open with a click, and a strange, cubical man stepped out with a grey pick in his hand.

Nova stared at the strange door and the person that came from it, mildly perturbed at its sudden arrival. The person stared back, his arms swinging slightly, but was otherwise completely still.

Words appeared in the bottom-left corner of her vision. She squinted, being able to read “<Steve> fuck this”, but by the time she managed to process that message, ‘Steve’ had turned around and ran back into the door, closing it behind him.

Nova couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something familiar about him.


~~~


Some of the palace staff were still adjusting after the Bloodbath. For all that she’d learned from her mentor, Evening Sparkle was not Celestia, and sometimes did things nopony could imagine Celestia doing.

Such as, for example, chasing a mass of greenish goop down the corridors of the palace while hitting it with a broom and yelling, “No! Bad Smooze! You spit out my Second right now!”

Staff and guards watched, stunned, as the mare who raised the sun continued to berate the slime like it was an unhousebroken puppy. The broom, held in her magic by the handle and not the increasingly Smooze-laden bristles, thwacked against it like a flyswatter smacking a mud puddle.

Eventually the Smooze disgorged Cessera’s Gem and sulked away. Eve looked around and pointed at one of the armored pegasi who'd been boggling vacantly at the shenanigans. “Private, escort the Smooze to the royal gardens. Make sure it doesn’t get into any of the precious item storage closets again.”

The private mouthed “Again” to himself before snapping to attention and saluting. “At once, Your Highness!”

Eve nodded, then looked at the sapphire on the carpet. She sighed, ears flattened. “What a mess.”

Then the Gem glowed and reformed Cessera’s body. “That was certainly interesting.”

“Cessera! Are you okay? I am so sorry. I don’t even know how it got in the palace! Discord shouldn’t even be on Equis Vitis right now.”

Cessera waved it off with a smile. “It’s alright, Evening. I saw it coming, after all.”

“And you didn’t do anything to stop it?”

“It was… nice. I feel more relaxed now than I have in centuries.”

Eve took a few moments to process this. “Huh.”

“There may be potential here for a Gem spa treatment.”

“Huh.”


~~~


 

Toph stood outside of a burning house as the fire department was hosing it down.

“Why did you burn down your house?” She asked Lady Rarity, who was standing beside her.

“Spider,” she answered simply.

Toph paused for a moment, incredulously. “You’re a spider!”

“Exactly, imagine if you found a tiny little human running around your house.”


~~~


“Fools!” the dark swirling mass of mist with glowing red eyes sneered. “Your meddling will not stop me!”

“That’s where you’re wrong, evildoer!” Pinkie pointed an accusatory hoof at the apparent villain, a triumphant smirk on her face. “Your reign of terror ends now!”

“Why are we even bothering with this joker?” Vriska deadpanned, standing off to the side with her arms crossed.

“Joker? Hah!” The mist glared at the other four, a smirk easily imaginable on its nonexistent facial features. “The only joke here is that my power is unrivaled!”

“Oh yeah?” Pinkie was instantly on top of Jotaro, slapping his abs like a salesman would the roof of a car. “Well, you haven’t seen Jotaro yet! This bad boy can punch so many faces!”

Jotaro raised an eyebrow, but otherwise remained as impassive as ever.

“It’s a formless cloud!” Vriska reminded them. “Clouds aren’t usually punchable, ya know!”

“The angry one is correct!” the evil cloud’s imaginary smirk only grew. “And as long as you keep bickering, I remain unstoppable!”

“Oh no!” Pinkie exploded off of Jotaro, limbs flailing in a painfully unnatural pile as she tumbled haphazardly to the ground, landing with a soft thud in the lightish-blue grass. “You’ve discovered our weakness: we can never stop bickering! Nooooo-”

Flutterfree sighed. “Pinkie, I think you’re overdoing it a bit. You know we can’t mess with the locals forever.”

“-ooooh alright!” Pinkie waved a hoof roughly in Nova’s direction... or she would’ve, if her limbs hadn’t been tangled up so much from the tumble. “Nova! Do that, uh... that magic thing.”

Nova didn’t respond. It was at that point the group noticed contented chomping sounds were coming from her direction, and everyone except Pinkie stared at the sight of her munching on the strange grass.

Flutterfree frowned. Lolo activated, examining the grass that they all walked on, but no hidden things, malevolent or otherwise, became revealed to Flutterfree. “Nova?” she called out, a little more forcibly than Pinkie did.

“Mmm?” Nova glanced up at the other five, stalks of grass still dangling out of her mouth. “Mm, mnn, mnn…” She surrounded the dark cloud in a telekinetic field, and the being was barely able to look surprised before it became compressed into a tiny black sphere. Nova gulped down the grass still in her mouth, a small part of her attention focused on keeping the cloud-being compressed. “Sorry, it’s just... this grass is surprisingly good. Wanna try some?”

Flutterfree’s frown became a raised eyebrow. “Why were you eating strange grass in the first place?”

Nova shrugged. “I dunno, I just…”

“The evildoer has been defeated!” Pinkie leapt up from her tangled position, plucking the cloud-being from Nova’s telekinesis and stuffing it in her mane. “But evil never rests, and so shouldn’t we!” She leapt off of a nearby cliff, a loud ‘wheeeeee!’ rapidly becoming fainter as she fell.

Vriska groaned, facepalming. “Good gog, did someone give her coffee or what?” Her hand slid off her face, and she glared at the cliff Pinkie had jumped off of. “Who the hell was that, anyway?”

Nova blinked. “Huh. Come to think of it, I don’t think I heard any names.” She frowned. “I think I overheard someone complaining about a ‘butt,’ but-”

This led to Vriska growling and facepalming again. “Fuck, another one?”

Now it was Flutterfree who blinked. “Another one what?”

“Oh, yeah, I’ve seen a Butt the Cloud before.” Her eye twitched. “He was a major asshole. I also knew of another asshole that apparently couldn't stop-”

“eeeeeeEEEEEEeeeee!” Pinkie said, falling past them and back down the cliff again.

“Dammit, Pinkie!” Vriska shouted angrily. “Stop messing around and let’s get out of this stupid universe! Pinkie!”

Nova, suspecting she wouldn’t need to do anything else for a while, went right back to munching on the grass.


~~~


I looked up from the notebook I was scrawling things in.

“...Ponygood…” I muttered with a twitch, snapping the pen in my frustration. 


~~~


Allure saw it. She saw the top. The radio tower was her last obstacle. It was all that remained.

“Heh… HehHEHheh… You SEE THIS DISCORD? I’m going to WIN!” Allure didn’t wait for a response - she just started climbing the radio tower. She fell off easily, but she kept control, ensuring that she would stay at the base of the tower when she fell. She went up again - and fell. But she didn’t let it affect her. 

She went up again, and fell.

She tried moving fast, but fell.

She tried slow and calculated, but got her hammer stuck and had to wrench it out in such a way that she fell.

Allure was nothing if not determined at this point. She had poured so much into this… She wasn’t going to be done!!!

She pulled herself up, eventually reaching the top of the tower. 

…And then she realized gravity had altered, and she had not accounted for that in any way. She drifted up and hit a space rock. This forced her back down to the base of the tower. 

Her left eye twitched. This tower truly was the final boss. 


~~~


 

Sombra couldn’t believe she actually found a copy. That was a lie, of course she could, she could find anything. That said, it had taken her a while.

Overwatch.

The name of the game still made her laugh. Of course they’d name it after the good guys. History was written by the winners after all, not about them. Blizzard was crafty. She rolled her eyes when she found out that it was an online-only game. What was the plan if it ended up not selling millions of copies?

A question for later. Sombra installed the game and loaded it up, after signing up of course. Immediately she encountered the tutorial.

“Jack Morrison, that’s who they chose?” She laughed to herself, “That old man is washed up.” She played the tutorial. She wasn’t into video games, but this was technically research. And plus it’d be really satisfying to see a version of herself that wasn’t depicted as a villain like those action figures they sold.

Eventually Sombra accessed the training room and selected herself, laughing at the thought of seeing what Reaper was capable of. But no, first she needed to play as herself, see how the game portrayed her.

“Everything can be hacked...and everyone.” the game told Sombra, in the voice she had ten years ago. She almost fell out of her chair laughing.


~~~


 

Daniel had worked every bit of free time he had on this one artifact.

He had slaved away over translations, spells, and other resources to find what the mysterious pictograph meant. 

The lines were so odd, the edges so rigid… Yet strangely graceful. Was it just art? Was it some sort of ancient message? Was it…

“Daniel, dear, why are you looking at an ancient advertisement for a brothel?”

Daniel blinked. “...What?”

Renee raised an eyebrow. “You don’t know what this is?”

“How do you know? What’re the signs?”

“Talk to Alushy. Learn the art of a more perverse mindset. Realize you never wanted it in the first place.” She kissed him lightly on the cheek. “You’re lucky you’re so oblivious all the time, I might have gotten upset.”

“...What?”

Renee facehooved. 

 


~~~


“BLEH HEH HEH HEH! BLECK!” Blumiere shouted.

Vivian gasped. “Oh no! Blumiere, have you gone evil again?”

“Huh? No, why would I do that?” He adjusted his hat. “I’ve merely discovered these things called MEMES!”

“...Yeah?”

“LOOK AT THIS CAT! It has a… ‘chezburger’. Glorious. Such a pinnacle of humor!”

Vivian blinked. “...You’re not joking.”

“Of course it’s a joke! It’s a meme! So… Creative.”

Vivian didn’t have the heart to correct him. 


~~~


Discord appeared in the Q Continuum. “HELLO MY BROTHERS!”

The various Q didn’t even look up from what they were doing.

“I’ll just leave you with the coordinates to the universe that has the Ascended Ancients…” Discord winked. “I’m sure you two will get along.” Then he chuckled - they wouldn’t look at it now. But they would look at it later. And then two cultures would clash…

“You’re devious,” a certain Q said, appearing behind Discord.

Discord smirked. “So are you, handsome devil.”

“You flatter me.”

“Hey! Want to go find a random ship captain and tell them they’re the savior of the universe?”

Q smirked. “You bet I do.”

“Good. I need to blow off some steam. I’ve been staring at an arcade screen all day, can you believe it?”

Q gasped. “No!”

“But, horribly, it is true! Let us not speak of it again! Let’s just move!”

They did. 

Their intellectual differences soon led to them declaring never to speak to each other again. 

As always happened with Discords. 


~~~


 

Toph Beifong, Queen of Lai accepted all kinds of challenges to the throne. In fact, she enjoyed it so much that it was almost routine for her to have one 'Duel for the Throne' a week. Usually on Fridays because the other challengers wanted to clear their weekday schedule before fighting the Queen.

A guard opened the doors to the royal chamber "My Queen, you have another challenge note.”

Toph’s grin widened ever so slightly. ”Alright! Who is it from this time?"

The guard opened the letter and promptly scrunched his face. "Uhh, it says it's from 'Deer' my Queen."

"What? As in the entirety of the Deer species?"

"No, just the one."

"How do you know that?"

"It says: 'I challenge you. Signed, Deer.'"

At that line Lady Rarity paled. "Oh no..."

Toph, curious of her advisor’s reaction, turned her head. "Oh no? Why 'Oh no'? This Deer can't be that bad can they?"

"Ahh no, it's just that I've once traveled with someone who named themselves as such and-"

"The challenger to the throne has arrived!" Lady Rarity promptly groaned as she heard the announcement. Toph merely turned her head and looked upon the new face. He looked like a regular old deer. Not old as in old but an Earth Tau'ri kind of deer. With a grappling hook attached to each of his forelegs.

"Alright, I've come for the royal tryouts! Be prepared as I will-AAAAHHHHHH!" the Deer was promptly launched out of the nearest open window before he could finish.

Lady Rarity let out a relieved sigh. “Well, that takes care of th-"
 
WHOOOSH, CLINK

A grappling hook promptly lodged itself into the ceiling from the window Deer had been launched from.

"Ha ha! You thought I was fighting blind did you?" Lady Rarity promptly facehooved. "Well I've come prepared to grapple with any situation you can throw at me! ... Or well, throw me to, it seems. Oh, hi Lady Rarity, fancy seeing you here!"

"Please, be a dear and-"

"I already am one." She facehooved again.

"What I mean is, be a good dear and-"

"But aren't I a good Deer for sending in that letter?"

"Please! Just, leave and never speak of this again."

"But I've got the Queen where I want her hook, line and sinker."

"You obviously can't handle this situation v-"

"Obviously not, which is why I'm grappling this problem instead."

Lady Rarity decided then and there to grab her hammer.

"Oh, is it hammer time already?"

"Leave now or face your punishment!"

"But aren't I already doing that?"

Lady Rarity, now thoroughly exasperated, started chasing the Deer out of the castle all the while swinging her weapon to try and hammer away the problem. Toph just stood there somewhat dumbfounded.

"Did that Deer try to pun me into submission?"

"Yes I did!" A voice from outside the castle yelled.

 


~~~


 

Vriska giggled - quite unlike her. “Y’know, Hastur, you know the best ways to treat a girl.”

“You are the one who has suggested almost every outing we’ve been on, Vriska.”

“This is an exception! Man, get with the fucking program.” Vriska chuckled. “The drinks… The combat arena with everything trying to kill each other… The impossible walls… So romantic…”

“Even with Starbeat taking notes right there?”
 
“Yes. Especially with Starbeat taking notes.”

Starbeat looked up from her notebook. “I said don’t mind me!”

“Pff, you’re my wingpony,” Vriska said.

“...Wait…”

“I’m both your wingponies,” Starbeat muttered. “You should go for the kiss now.”

They stared at her.

“That’s for both of you.” They still didn’t move. “Ugh…” With her magic she forced the two of their heads together and let impulse take care of the rest. She scribbled down a few notes. 

“Check,” Starbeat said. “Now, Vriska, you have two fully established quadrants.”

Vriska sat back in her chair and bit into an eyeball that might have been real, might have been cake. It was impossible to tell. “Yeah? So?”

“Even considering your complete distaste for auspistice, you still have one empty quadrant,” Starbeat declared. 

“This has come to my attention as well,” Hastur declared. “So, Vriska, it’s time we tell you.”

“Oh no…” Vriska said, putting a hand over her face.

“We’re gonna find you a kismesis!” Starbeat grinned. “We’ve made a list of all the people you hate, and have considered the many possibilities of forming a new potent rivalry…”

“Kill me now…” Vriska groaned. 

Starbeat’s bracelet started beeping. “Frick. I think I’m finding that behemoth made of eyestalks attractive.” She started breathing heavily. 

“Those aren’t eyestalks.”

“Ooooooooh,” Starbeat said. Then a look of revulsion crossed her face. “HASTUR WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOUR PEOPLE!?”
 
“Many things.”
 
Vriska took the moment to try to sneak away, but Hastur and Starbeat were too persistent. 

 


~~~


“...and I said to myself, ‘self, you’re Mr. Hippo. You can tell a better story than that.’ So I did. I started over from the beginning and told it better, the right way. Because that’s what a story is, in the end, a series of events that has a right way to it, and if you tell it the wrong way, well, then all you get is a bunch of monkeys at a typewriter. Sure, they might make Shakespeare, but it’s meaningless. Has no soul behind it, y’know?”

Rainbow Dash let out a whimper.

“Mmm, and the soul behind the story is all that matters, I can tell you that for certain. Reminds me of the time we found Disneyland on Mt. Eversit...”


~~~


Blackjack grinned. “You’re pretty good!”

Gilgamesh laughed. “You have a fire within yourself as well, alicorn!” He pulled the biggest gun he could manage out of nowhere. “But your arguments are invalid. I have a nova launcher.”

Blackjack pulled out Folly. “And I have a really big fucking gun.”

“...That’s not as big as my behemoth.”

“Oh, the fallout from this thing is iiiiiiimpressive. If I wasn’t an alicorn with so many magical parts it isn’t even funny, it’d kill me over time. Isn’t that fun?”

“This sounds delightful!” Gilgamesh laughed. “It has been a while since I’ve had such an invigorating fair fight!”

They both charged their weapons - and then both of the guns lost energy in an instant. 

“What the f-”

A tall woman with long, orange hair in a white dress landed nearby. She pointed a scepter with a red crystal inside it at them. “Would you two stop?!”
 
“Wh- it was just getting good!” Blackjack wailed.

The woman gestured at the dimensional tears they were forming in reality.

“Ah,” Gilgamesh said. “I can see why you would take issue with that.”

Blackjack rubbed the back of her head. “Yeah…”

“Let’s just talk this out like reasonable people, okay?”

“Oh, that’s what we were doing,” Blackjack said.

“It was a spar just for fun,” Gilgamesh added.

“...You do not fight just for fun by destroying the fabric of reality in an inhabited universe.”

Gilgamesh and Blackjack had nothing to say to that but sheepish expressions and awkward laughter. 


~~~


Twiree and her Flat Reapers had found themselves in a universe closely connected to Galaxa Quadrants.

They found non-Flat Reapers that were bent on the extermination of all organic life in the galaxy of their home universe.

Twiree knew that the Merodi would not stand for this, and that there’d be an operation to stop the Reapers… But for now they were just going to have a conversation. 

“U ‘AVIN A GIGGLE, MATE?” one of her Reapers asked. 

“YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO REAPER KIND,” one of the full Reapers retorted. “WE HAVE A SACRED PURPOSE WHICH YOU DENY.”
 
A different Flat reaper responded. “IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA. WE GOT THIS SWEET INTERDIMENSIONAL DEAL OUT OF IT. I HAVE A CREW OF APPULS.”
 
“...THEY AREN’T INDOCTRINATED TO YOUR WILL, ARE THEY?”
 
“WHY WOULD WE BOTHER?”
 
“I AM SUBMITTING A PROPOSAL TO ALTER OUR PURPOSE TO INCLUDE CORRUPTED ALTERNATES.”
 
Twiree laughed. “LET’S NOT GO AND DO THAT, INSTEAD WHY NOT HAVE A FRIEN-”
 
A Reaper started shooting at the start of the word ‘friend’.


~~~


Alushy cleared her throat. “It’s time for ‘don’t be dumb’ with Alushy.”

“Lots of people say you can see the Great Wall of China from orbit. This just isn’t true, it’s a fucking hoax perpetuated by the Illuminati and utter morons.” Alushy gestured at the version of Earth floating beneath her. “As you can plainly see, there’s no Great Wall of China visible. It’s just a lot of green, blue, and white. Also, they’re right that sound can’t travel in space, but you don’t freeze. Instead you balloon and start boiling from the inside out. You’ll run out of air in two minutes and graciously lose consciousness before you die of asphyxiation. Why am I fine, you ask? Because I’m a fudgemothering vampire who’s immune to the sun.”

“That’s not an explanation,” Aradia commented from inside the space station doors, eating ice cream.

“BECAUSE FUCK YOU, THAT’S WHY!”

“You’re the one who wondered what it was like out in space.”

“That wasn’t an invitation, bitch!”

Aradia smirked. “Mmmmm I think it was. You’ll be fine. I’ll even let you back in if you ask nicely!”

“You’re evil.”

A large, unusually-shaped rock flew by. 

“...What was that?”

“Huh,” Aradia said. “I think that was Kars. Don’t worry about it.”

“ARADIA!”

Aradia cleared her throat. “It’s time for ‘don’t be dumb’ with Aradia.”

“Don’t you dare…”

“As we can see here, being stubborn and refusing to ask nicely for something out of pure spite only results in suffering. So sad.”

“You’re vicious.”

Aradia grinned creepily. “I know!”


~~~


 

Today with the Guru we’ll be answering a fan-submitted question. It’s very flattering that you all send you topics and questions in, and it always breaks my heart to have to pick and choose. Their question is, “What are the best things to eat in the multiverse?” And I thought about places that I’ve eaten at or passed by. Here are my top picks for places to eat in.

1) Pizza. No matter where you go, there’ll always be pizza. Good, bad, toppings or not, it’s always going to be nearby.

2) Be they made of meat or otherwise, a good burger is always nice to eat. I personally like olives on mine, they add a good flavour.

3) In every universe, without exception, there is exactly one Duplicates noodle cart. If you find yourself fortunate enough to find one, you’re in for a treat.

4) Uncontaminated water might not be fancy, but it’s best when out exploring. Who knows? you might find yourself in a desert, or a snowstorm.

5) Volcano Chili is no joke, only eat if you’re made up of at least 20 percent heat resistant elements.

6) Pirate brand Ar Cakes are the best snack to enjoy for any pony. But humans be wary, it’s been known to cause toothrot for a select few humans.

These are six different types of food you can eat in the multiverse. But remember, eating is important, and finding foods that are healthy for your body are even moreso. After all, everyone’s diet is different.

Thank you for reading today’s entry, see you tomorrow for more.

 


~~~


 

In a world secluded from the sights of Merodi Universalis, a brutal mistress ruled over the land with an iron hoof. 

Her name was appropriate for the job, for she was Brutalight Sparcake. The leader of the Elements of Insanity, tutor to the woman known as Six, and general book lover. She was completely off her murderous rocker and was of the mind that killing more and more of her ‘citizens’ was a good way to run a country. 

Today was also her birthday. She had a friend that would have thrown a party for her, once, but those days were behind her. She was probably going to go on a murder spree later to liven her mood.

Perhaps it was time to invest in cloning technology…

The doors to her throne room were bashed down. At first, she was annoyed, expecting another ‘hero’ she was going to have to kill. Instead she was pleasantly surprised to see Rainbine and Six rolling a giant cake in. 

“Happy birthday!” the two called, gesturing at the cake. It was very sparkly, purple, and decorated with spears. 

“Aw… you shouldn’t have!” Brutalight called, teleporting down to the cake. “Mmm…”

The cake leaped up, revealing two robotic legs and two robotic arms. It pulled one of the spears out of its sparkly body. “I CHALLENGE YOU TO A SPAR.”

It was then that Brutalight got it. 

Sparklecake.

Spearcake.

Sparcake.

“HOW MANY PUNS DID YOU INSERT INTO THIS THING!?” Brutalight blurted.

“All the puns,” Rainbine said.

“All of them,” Six added.

Brutalight facehooved. This momentary distraction allowed the ‘spar’cake to get a hit in. She went flying. 

Brutalight was annoyed for a minute - but then she grinned. “Ah… You know exactly what to get me for my birthday!” She charged, ready for a fight. 

 


~~~


 

Allure pulled herself to the top of the radio tower. Carefully, she pushed herself up - leaving the gravitational well of the game. As she drifted into space, carefully pushing off of the floating rocks to keep her momentum up, tears formed in her eyes. 

She had done it. 

She drifted to the stars, knowing she had won. She had beaten this game. She had Gotten Over It!

“AHAHHAHAHAHHHAHHA!” She laughed. Her legs felt like dying, her horn was smoking from all the energy she had poured out of it. But she was DONE! She was in SPACE! “HEY! DISCORD!? I DID IT! PAY UP!”

There was no response.

“…Discord?”

Silence.

“…Anypony?”

She was alone, drifting in space.

“Discord get me out of this arcade game.”

Silence. 

Allure took a deep breath, let it out. Then she took another deep breath in and screamed.

The only pony left in the arcade was Trixie, and she was fast asleep on the counter. Allure’s screams fell on deaf ears. 

Allure got to drift in space as a reward for her efforts. Alone… Among the stars…


~~~


Sombra realized she was falling asleep. 

She shut the program down, grunting. 

How much of that had actually been possible? 

She was sure all the events had actually happened… But she had been in at least one of those clips, and there were clips of things in places that had no cameras…

She rubbed her eyes. Blame it on ka. Question it later when more awake. 

She leaned back in her chair, ready to fall into the warm embrace of sleep. 

The support on her chair snapped, depositing her on the floor of her Puddlejumper. 

“…Of course,” she muttered, groaning.