Chapter Twenty-Six Part I :The Strings of Fate
✧❖☬❖✧
Our days spent in preparation were mostly silent as Jay and I gathered as much information and intelligence as we possibly could. Of course there were more hiccups than we could have anticipated along those two days, such as Steely needing a hoof and hornicure, a few of our sleeper agents nearly being caught, and it was looking like Jay was going solo as a visiting ambassador from one of the Monkey tribes as far as the assassination attempt was going to go. The hit was going to take place at a banquet and ball, which meant that I was going to have the perfect opportunity to hit the Keep, free Ladesa, and go get some fuckin’ chicken soup or something.
I woke up the day of my jailbreak with little on my mind other than getting Ladesa out of the fire and back into the frying pan with the rest of us. I hadn’t heard anything from Furladra or Dissida since I’d been in Minosia, and Jay hadn’t heard anything from her mysterious Mistress either, so we both should have had a lot on our minds. Jay did, I didn’t. In all fairness, I’d cased three castles, five major Keeps, a few minor ones, and more estates than I could count. I doubted that I was going to have much trouble with my current mark, but Jay was definitely having trouble sitting still. Every time I came across her in the morning, which was a few times while we hustled and bustled about, she was shaky and pale-faced, looking determined and stressed at once.
There was little for me to do other than check up on my gear and make sure I stayed fed throughout the day, so I eventually found Jay while she was teaching some Minotaur Artificers about Blood Runes so they could make their shit stronger. When she was talking about her specialty, nothing could have made her look more confident and capable, so I sat and watched for a good while, not really paying attention to what she was talking about and rather gave my attention to the movement of her lips and the way her tongue occasionally darted out from her mouth to wet them. Of course I tried not to stare, but once she caught me looking, I just gave her a nod and headed out before my face could finish flushing.
Immediately after leaving the workshop Jay and the dozen smiths had taken up refuge in, I ran smack-dab into a woman I really wasn’t expecting to see any time soon, nor was I hoping to see her. Just for the record; I did not hit her. I did not. “Oh, hi Maud.”
“Gauche.” She replied softly, her volume the only indication of her emotions.
“... It’s… Been awhile.”
“It has. You have returned for the assassination of Herodotus?”
“Sorta kinda. What brings you back?”
“... I have business here.”
“May I ask-”
“No.” She answered flatly, cutting off the rest of my sentence rather rudely.
While I was in favour of shooting her in the hoof for being discourteous, I just nodded. “Hmm.” I looked her in the eye for all of two seconds before I looked at her nose. “This is going to be a problem.”
“My silence or your inability to look me in the eye?” Maud droned drolly.
“The power is automatic as far as I’m aware. I’m not quite sure of how to control it.”
She took a step towards me and blew a puff of air up my nose, her breath sweet and warm. “Learn. I wish to look into your eyes once more.”
“... You what?” I asked, staring blankly into her eyes.
“... I missed you. I’ve been missing you… I… I still do.” My Mauble said, her voice shaking off the dust coating memories older than they had any right to be, reigniting the warmth of the first love I had that didn’t actually fuckin’ betray me…
In just a few words, Maud managed to shake my resolve to the core and split me in yet one more direction. Who was I to choose now? Should I choose the woman I love naturally, the one I admire above all others, or the Mare who’d saved me multiple times? In my heart I wanted to grow closer to Jay and help her become used to being a female so she would allow herself to let the sparks between us ignite, but therein also lie the deep desire for Kauku to grant me her hand for the sake of being next to such a beautiful, magnificent creature. And now I had Maud, of all my exes, trying to get back into my life as more than just a colleague. It wouldn’t have been a problem if, for one, I wasn’t aware of the fact that we worked well together both in business and in bed, for two, the fact that Maud is loyal to a fault, and I saved the sweetest part of the deal for last; she’s not that crazy. Sure, all women are a little nuts on the inside besides maybe Sunshower and Applejack, but Maud? She was logically nuts. When she explains her thought process, it makes sense if you actually know anything about her or if you’re one of the few people that hear more than the monotonous mumbling she tends to do.
Naturally, with all of that on my mind, my response was, “I missed you too, but now my head hurts and my life just got more complicated. I need a nap.”
Her brows twitched subtly. “I see. I will-”
“Can I borrow your lap?” I asked casually.
She blinked. “... Yes. May I ask why?”
“I want to sleep with you or on you, and I figured you’d be more open to lending me your lap than taking a nap with me.”
“... Are you interested in being in a relationship with me again?”
“Let me sleep on it.”
“You mean let you sleep on me.”
“Eeyuss.”
“I want something in return.”
“If it’s popsicle it’s possible, I suppose.”
“Tell me whether or not you still hold love for me.”
I tilted my head at her and looked at her like she was being silly because she was being silly. “I would have ignored you if I didn’t. And I wouldn’t have sought you out in Equestria to get my contacts with Bite-Back in proper order. And I wouldn’t ask to borrow your lap if I didn’t still love you to some capacity. And I wouldn’t sleep near you if I didn’t trust you, and by extension love you. And-”
Maud just kissed me, her lips pressing against mine in the familiar way I’d dreamt about from time to time. I knew it was more to shut me up and enjoy the moment than because I looked particularly kissable. When she pulled away, she stayed close and asked, “Gauche… Did you miss me too?”
“I missed your voice. I forgot what you looked like, but I never forgot your voice.” I replied honestly.
“Pffft- Bwahahahaha!” Steely and a couple of his brothers guffawed, though Steely was obviously in charge. “How sweet!”
Maud and I traded a look, but just as I went to let her go and give Doug a workout, she put a finger on my lips, shook her head, and walked off to go take care of business. Steely’s boys were nowhere near fast enough to escape the wrath of Maud when she was in mid-flight, and I could help but appreciate her outfit as it hugged her pleasant curves. The breeches she had on were loose and allowed her to use the full motion of her legs, and her blouse didn’t appear to restrain her movements much as she leapt into the air, did the splits, and double kicked two Minotaurs in their faces, knocking them out cold. The rest ran, but Steely stayed behind to smile and offer Maud his hand.
“Maudileena! It is good to see you again!”
“Do not laugh at me, you horned calf.” Maud said lazily.
“I laugh because I am happy! Can I not be happy to see my friends reunite before coitus- Urk!” Maud punched him in the kidney and he went down like a sack of parsnips that had a couple rocks mixed in to make the back heavier. “Uuuggh.”
“That wasn’t wise.” I commented.
Maud turned and raised a brow. “Who were you speaking to?”
“The one who just got hit. Want to go and take a nap?”
“I do not want to sleep. I will read as you do so.”
I snapped my fingers and pointed at her. “Sounds good to me. I follow where you lead.”
She did the Maud Nod and we were off down the hall with Steely en tow for some odd reason before I shooed him off. I didn’t know why the big lug was staring at my back and glancing at Maud from time to time, but I had a peculiar feeling around my bum that told me that the old Chap wanted to fuck one of us in the arse, and it wasn’t going to be a woman. With Steely out of our way, we had to double back and take a side hall to one of the Underboss’ Quarters where Maud was bunked. She let me get comfortable on her lap after she found a book to read, and with the firm-but-soft nature of her thighs, my face was in bliss.
Without missing a beat, Maud went back to playing with my hair and reading her book while I lost myself in a familiar moment that just seemed to stretch on and on, a break amidst the absolute chaos that Operation: Take the Bull by the Horns it was turning into. I mean, Operation: Picking Raspberries wasn’t looking too much better, but at the very least I knew what the fuck I was doing. Jay, on the other hand, was spending a lot of time still trying to get used to moving in her new body in between resting and meditating. Mari was a very physically weak woman and Jay was used to a body that she could push to certain extremes that were only possible because of Blood Magic, meaning that she was trying to find out what all her deck held at the moment, and for the time being, it really seemed like she should have been taking the risk and trading jobs with me. In fact, splitting up seemed like a worse and worse idea, so while I was ‘napping’, I asked Maud if she’d mind helping to assassinate King Herodotus.
Her reply was to look down at me and tweak my nose. “I was specifically called in to assist with exfiltration when the mission is complete. Do not worry about Jay. She will be in my capable hands.”
“Actually, I was asking if you would mind going because I’d like to sneak in and have a dance with you while you were all gussied up, but I suppose another time could hold the honor.” I sighed, my voice coming out nasally.
“Is there another woman in your life?”
“Jay.”
“Be serious.”
“No, seriously. Furladra is indebted to me, another Goddess serves as my War Dog, a Mare named Sunshower couldn’t handle my lifestyle, I forget the other one, so she evidently wasn’t that important, and that just leaves the woman who makes my willy feel confused.”
Maud flicked my forehead and huffed drolly. “Do not fall for the Femboy.”
I flicked her tit in turn. “Too late. She’s already dancing around my head, but if I don’t let myself admire her, then I doubt anything will come of it.”
“May I ask where Jay’s new body came from?”
“Another dimension or world, apparently, and equally apparently there’s supposed to be some Magic that makes us love each other or something.”
She squished up my cheeks and frowned slightly. “Even when your mind desires me, your heart wants for another.”
That frown broke my heart into a few big pieces, so I offered Maud a piece that I thought I could bear losing for sanity’s sake. Not that there was much left anyway. “My heart desires you too, but life was meant to be complicated, and things tend to get more complicated when you interact with dangerous people.”
“I suppose we are rather dangerous. Me more so than yourself.”
I blew a hefty gust of air and robbed her of her breath for a moment. “You were say- Yeeow!” Maud tugged on both of my ears at once, being none to gentle about it.
“You were saying?”
I grabbed her wrists and we both chuckled at the silliness of the moment. We both knew that she was the heavyweight between us, as well as being the faster of the two of us. However, if we threw Magic into the equation, then I could just shoot Maud from across town as long as I had someone hold the scope for me while I aimed an Airrow and she’d probably paint the walls in fuzz and full gore. I prefered having her in one piece, and I was quite certain that having her beneath my head was rather heavenly, blasphemy and inaccuracy be damned. For the time being, however, it was just like the old days when Maud was still trying to get me to technically join Bite-Back while we spent our days together, and the feeling was worth being blindsided out of nowhere.
[Hold on, can I ask you something?]
… I was on a roll, but sure. Go ahead.
[I thought Maud was done with you?]
So did I.
[Then why did she take you back?]
I was literally getting to that. My next words were going to be, verbatim, ‘Everything was going nice until I remembered that I had to go spring my right hand from the clink just as Maud said’, dot dot dot, to be continued. May I tell my stor-reeeeeeeeee!
{H-Hey, that was unnecessary!}
[It was very necessary. Just tell your darn story.]
… A-Alright. So, as I was saying, Maud took her time in asking, “Gauche?”
“Yes?” I answered dreamily, half asleep.
“... Do you care about why I want you?”
“... Not really, but it’d be nice to know why, I suppose.”
“So you care that I desire you, but you do not care to know the reasoning behind it?”
“Well now you’ve got me awake and interested.” I sat up and watched where she was looking, locking onto my hand holding hers. I didn’t intend on doing that, but it felt right, so I left it where it was. “Why do you want me, Maud? It can’t be because of my devilish looks or-”
“Gauche, you have still yet to reach your full potential.” Maud said softly. “You have changed since we last met face to face, and you have changed in a way that has made your more fearsome. However, your body and Magic have never been your weapons, Gauche. Don’t forget that.”
I furrowed my brows and tilted my head at her. “Maud, why are you telling me this now? I’m aware that I have more to learn, that I’m stronger, and that my mind is my sharpest blade, but what makes you bring it up now?”
“The Pie Family always knows when a person they love is going the wrong way, and all I can feel for you is turmoil, Epidote. I once stood beside you during the tyranny of Odysseus, and I will stand with you once more should you have me. No matter the danger… I…” She wet her lips, her tongue dragging my eyes along them with its course. “As much as I would like to pretend that I want to be with you again for our mutual benefit, I cannot. I miss being by your side and having you by mine in turn. There isn’t a Stallion alive that makes me feel the way you make me feel, that makes my heart pound and my stomach flutter, that listens and understands more than just words. Gauche… You’re the only person outside of my family that knows if I’m crying… How am I supposed to let someone like you go?”
... For a moment, I just stood there and smiled at her, my lips curved into an expression that I hoped would adequately convey my understanding and acceptance of her words. “Maud… When you said you didn’t want to compete for my heart, I understood it then and I still do. I can’t control how I feel, but I can control what I do, right?” She nodded slowly. “Exactly. You walked away, but I never let go. I’ve never wanted to.”
My little Mauble’s eyes glistened and her cheeks started twitching up a storm before the most awkward grin I’d ever seen on a creature was born, capturing my heart in mere seconds. My worries about Jay and her appeal were blown out of the water by Maud’s biggest smile yet, as fleeting as it was. “Your loyalty is going to get you into trouble eventually.” She said shakily, still smiling.
I shrugged. “Furladra and Ladesa both burned me pretty badly, but you?” I snorted, looked away, then looked back to her. “You’ve known me since I’ve been on Equis, nursed me back to health from the brink of death twice, and when Odysseus set his trap for me you risked your life to warn me. You’ve earned every point I give you, Mauble.”
“I still love that name, Epidote.”
“I still can’t say that Epidote’s my favourite thing, but you’re the one saying it, so it’s better than most.”
Maud rubbed the tears out her eyes and leaned forward to give me a hug. “That was a good way to take the romance out of the reunion.”
I hugged her back and chuckled softly. “Can I make it up to you with a date in a place where we’re not going to be wanted for treason?”
“I have heard tell of your interactions with Celestia from some of my contacts. Equestria may not be the best place for you to go if you wish to avoid treason.”
“We have an understanding.” I said, falling back and giving her a certain look. “Authority and I have a tendency to butt heads when our interests collide, though this time it seems as though Celestia and I can benefit each other just fine.”
Maud chased me slowly, evidently wanting to be a little closer. “So you’ve struck a deal with the most powerful Mare on the planet?”
The shrug was casual and the look I gave her wasn’t much more than a ‘Well…’ kind of deal. “Yes, basically.”
“You… You are interesting in many ways that make me think that you should be dead at this point.”
I gave her a quick peck for being cute. “True, and I was dead for around six or seven months. I don’t stay dead is the problem.”
She held my cheek and gave me a longer kiss than I’d given her. “My dashing Draugr.”
“When you say it like that I feel like a corpse.”
“Do you not need to relax and unwind a little more before your mission?”
“It wouldn’t hurt to go check up on Jay, if you’re up for it.”
“... I was hoping to spend more time with you.”
Like I’d done a thousand times before, I threw my arms around my target and dragged Maud down to the bed on top of me. “Like this?”
She let out a few dry giggles. “Yes, this is adequate… I missed this too, Gauche. The simple moments.”
“There’s a lot of things I missed.” I murmured, combing my fingers through her mane and staring up at the ceiling.
“Such as?”
“Having someone who truly loved and cared for me. Speaking of, my sister is alive.”
“I know. I’ve seen her.”
“You have?”
“Celestia’s new tagalong is very popular in Canterlot. Her kindness and virtuosity make her a friend to all of the staff, and many of the Princess’ petitioners find that her rejections of their silly requests sting less than when even Celestia denies their plight.”
“Hmm.”
“You don't sound excited by the news.”
I held her a little tighter, her warmth and weight making me feel a little better about my hypothesis. “... Aria was dead. She became an Emissary or an Envoy of Amelemme, and her mission was to become Celestia’s daughter, but I don’t know why and she won’t say why to anyone other than Celestia. I’m an Emissary as well, but I’m now the Emissary of a being that’s the polar opposite of Amelemme, and my sister was already instructed to whack me when she met me.”
“... So your own sister might be a piece in a grander game, waiting to be used against you?”
“Eeyuss.”
“Terrible.”
“Irritating. I can’t hurt her, and I doubt she would even know what to do if she found out that she got me killed or something of the sort, but then again, I have two very powerful beings at my side and a bevy of skills at my disposal. As for the emotional aspect of having my sister turned against me, I now have my Mauble foundation again.”
Maud scooted up a bit so she could nuzzle me and place her fuzzy ear right over my heart. “What kinds of beings?”
“Worrisome ones that give me migraines.”
“Then it would be better to avoid consorting with them.”
“Tch, if only it was that easy.” I sighed.
She didn’t have anything to say to that, apparently, so we just spent another hour cuddling and enjoying the relative calm before the storm that was approaching at its own pace. However, the oddness of already being back together with Maud struck me and I couldn't help but wonder if that too was just another grand coincidence, like the fact that Ladesa had been the one to get the bad trainee that just so happened to sell her out. As in, why hadn’t it been me or Frieda? Why had it been her specifically? Ladesa was definitely more than smart enough to not get caught on a stroll so what was really going on?
Shit wasn’t adding up.
When I found that I couldn’t clear my mind with Maud on my chest, I asked her if she’d like to go topside and fly around for a little bit to have some fun and she agreed with a teaspoon of hesitation. If I hadn’t known any better, I would have said that she was afraid of heights, but I didn’t think that she actually was until we got into the air. After that, I knew that my dear, fearless Mauble was a little chicken-shit when it came to being in the sky, but it was actually pretty cute the way she scrunched her face up and held onto me for her life until we touched down on a rooftop. Maud had her face buried in my chest, her arms wrapped tightly around me even as we were on level… Well, not ground per she, but a solid surface nonetheless. It was absolutely adorable, and what made it even better was the fact that I got to smooch my way in her personal space because she was terrified and shaky. It’s probably fucked up that I-
{[It is.]}
Fuck both of you. Anyway, I thought it was nice that Maud was trusting me to calm her down, and when she eventually started listening to my reassurances and allowed me to get us off of the rooftop without breaking the cobblestone beneath us, we were able to enjoy the rest of the time we spent topside without too much trouble. When the Sun started setting, it was time to get back to base and prepare for the endeavors that lie ahead, thus making Maud and I split up for the separate briefings that were going on for the missions. In Jay’s Hall, Kerrick himself was leading the charge while no one other than fucking Schrade was running the Op on my Keep Crack.
I was the first to arrive, followed by my Tom Cat lookout, Shard, then Schrade, and Tess the Naga. A few more supporting cast members filed in as back up, assassins, and last minute strategists, but when Schrade started speaking, no one interrupted him. “Crew, this is gonna be a big night. Tonight? Tonight we free our brothers and sisters in chains! Tonight's the night we crack the Ironclad Keep and get Socrates back!”
There were a few shouts of assent, but I didn’t really care because I didn’t know who the fuck Socrates was. Still, I paid attention as he carried on with, “Gauche is one of the few people we’ve ever had that’s both capable of high-speed flight and stealth, so his job is going to be infiltration. No doubt. The plan is to enter through the rooftop doorway or the fourth window from the left on the upper east side of the building, which are the only places in the whole keep that’re supposed to be even slightly unguarded. Unfortunately, the only reason we know that is because our insider was the one to tell us, and he had to make a trip to the Catacomb Converter for important reasons. We only had the one guy, and we only know that the one window is safe for ten minutes a night, so your window of entry is going to be slim.”
“It’s a good thing I still travel light.” I snorted.
Schrade clicked his beak. “Keep your head on straight until you can at least get to the Warden’s office. From there, you can knife the Fuckwad while he’s nodding off or working late, and from there you can check the registry, get out of the building, and get the logues to us. Once Gauche hands over the details, Tess will go in through the sewers and start liberating our brethren from below while the rest of you beautiful flying fucks take out the Guard Towers. Gauche, would you mind pitching in on that, or do you wanna head back inside and free some fighters?”
“Why does he get to choose?” Tess hissed, though that’s just how Nagas talk. “Freeing our comrades should come first.”
“They do, but we need them to be able to get out of the Keep. I say we hit the Guard Towers first so we have a better shot of getting Gauche through and into the Keep in the first place.” Frieda said, having arrived as one of the strategists.
The Tomcocks in the room chirped, including Schrade. A little over half of the females begrudgingly gave up nods of respect, and anybody that wasn’t mentioned just gave some form of assent to the idea without being horny or envious. That being said, Frieda’s beak just made me floppy, so I had the sound mind to say, “I can clear most of the towers myself, I believe. Give me a good longbow and I can hit a coin from fifty paces.”
Schrade raised a brow. “While that’s still good, that’s not good enough.”
“Then I can still help since I’m going to be in the area.”
“True. Take the Northwest tower and then proceed along mission parameters.”
“Para-met-ers.” Mr. Me said back slowly.
Schrade blinked at me. “What?”
“I said what you said: don’t ask me what.”
He raised a talon and opened his beak to reply, but when the room burst into giggles, he just closed his eyes and sighed. “Fuck this shit.”
“Just get through the rest of the briefing.” Some Molly yowled irritably.
The guy currently in charge rolled his eyes. “Anyway, we all forgot about the important shit since Tessi wanted to get all chatty-”
“Call me Tessi again and I’ll rip both of your tails off.” Tess snarled.
“Noted. Gauche, do you want to help fight to free Bite-Backers or what?”
“Pay me.” I stated bluntly.
Everything in the room, including some of the skulls in the walls, seemed to look at me as if I’d lost my entire sack of marbles. “... Did you really just say that?” Frieda asked.
I tilted my head at her. “Since when do I not charge for my services? Getting Ladesa back directly serves me, and getting your people inside of the Keep fulfills my end of the bargain, thus serving you. Going back in after I’ve already gotten my partner doesn’t serve me very well since I’m not exactly good at working with a team.” That isn’t made of Hellbeasts, that is.
Schrade glared at me. “How much do you want?”
My neck was aching a little, so I popped it, though that earned me a look for some odd reason. “How many people do you have in there?”
“Around fifty or sixty. It’s hard to tell when they don’t release bodies and turncoats get released as often as loyalists.”
“Fifty drachs a head and I’ll do all the work inside myself. Just don’t come in once I’ve sent the last of our friends out.” I gave him my most winning smile.
Schrade stared at me. “... You’re planning a massacre aren’t you, you crazy Feather-Brained Fucker?”
“Think of it as less of a slaughter and more of a feast.” I waved his shocked, horrified look aside. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll clean up before anything gets sticky.”
He looked around the room and no one met his eye, so he looked back at me and said, “Once we get our guys out and sort the innocent from the guilty, you can do whatever you want with the guards. Until then-”
“The Prison Wing and the Guard Barracks are on adjacent sides of the Keep.” Frieda pointed out quietly.
I smirked. “Then that means that I can leave the patrols around the Prison Wing to Bite-Back and take the Guard Wing for myself. Won’t take but a few minutes anyhow.”
“Creepy.”
“Psycho.”
“I bet he rapes house cats.” I heard someone whisper.
“I prefer bird pussy, thank you.” I said flatly. “The furrier the better.”
“Stop saying stupid shit, Gauche.” Frieda snapped. “This is an opportunity that we might not get back, so we need you on your A-Game like never before. This is not play time. This is our friends and family getting out of that forsaken keep and back to their lives; not just you and your little Peach reuniting for a good fuck. Get it. Through your. Fucking. Head.”
I gave her a thumbs up and a wink. “Ye, I’ll kill ‘em even harder just because of that rousing speech. Do another.”
She slammed her head onto the conference table and Schrade put a talon on her shoulder. “If she doesn’t kill you, I might. Suit up and get ready to fly. We leave in thirty after a quick rendezvous with the Regiciders.”
“What are we called again?” Some Bitch asked.
Everyone glared at Schrade, who wore his shit eating grin as best he could with a beak. “Night Strike Super Hawk Raid Lightning Force.”
“That’s a stupid name.” Frieda groaned. “Why are all men some kind of retarded one way or another!?”
“Why are all women crazy one way or another?” I asked in turn.
“I’ll peck the fuck out of you, Skinbag.”
“I’ll suffocate you while you’re flying, making you slowly fall out of the sky until you nearly crash into the earth. Know that when you give up is when I’ll give you your breath back.”
The room fell silent and Frieda rolled her eyes. “I’ll kiss you.”
I touched my lips. “Ow.”
“Give up?”
“Yes, Dear.”
“Good. Now do what Schrade said, but do it because I said to and not because he said to.”
Schrade gave her a fucked up look. “What does that have to do with-”
“Sure thing, Boss Lady. Fuck Schrade!” I clapped my fist to my chest.
“Oh, fuck off already before I peck you.” He squawked like many a chicken…
[Stop drooling.]
Go get me some chicken soup.
[Tell your story.]
But let me have some soup.
{You heard the man. Can’t tell a story on an empty stomach.}
[... Do you want anything?]
{Can I get some sugar honey iced tea?”}
[What?]
{Sweet tea, please.}
[... Sure.]
….
{....}
Do you think we can risk talking?
{Already doing it…}
We’re catching up pretty fast now.
{Running out of story to tell.}
… We’re fucked, aren’t we?
{You know I’m not allowed to say.}
…
{...}
[... Did you guys want me to leave just so you could sin?]
It’s a kiss.
{How innocent are you?}
[Whatever, just keep your hands to yourselves. Sinners.]
We’re all born sinners in Amelemme’s- Ow!
[Tell your damn story before I pour the rest in your lap.]
Well thanks for making it hot. As I was saying before I- Mmm, that’s some good fucking soup. As I was saying, Schrade threatened to peck me and I was cool with it since I knew that I could give him severely dry eyes if I really wanted to, and he’d have to smell my breath at that, so I didn’t expect him to be too interested in trying me. Frieda, however, was pounding my arm from the moment we stepped out of the briefing room, calling me all manners of incorrigible and arrogant, foolhardy and brash. I soaked the blows and eventually got a hug out of it because she got tired of swinging at me, but still. The last thing I needed before a night of murder and quiet mayhem was a bruised arm, but I dealt with my discomfort as best I could and soldiered on.
I geared up in my own quarters, my armour and more cumbersome weapons having already been quintuple checked for any sign of give or other weakness. No signs of damage were found, but I was still worried about working against new opponents with old weapons. Nothing felt better in my hands than Doug’s shaft-
{Pffft.}
Shut it. I was about to go into how my weapons all felt like they were made for me at this point in my usage of them, but fuck you. Anyway, I took a little time with Tim to make sure his string was tight and that the locking mechanism on the bow-arm was still functioning properly. The next thing I did was cycle ten rounds through Pam and see if she needed oiled, but for the time being she seemed fine. Doug was good to go as she was, and Carey was still sharp enough to gouge bone, which left my throwing knives, last ditch stiletto, and wrist blades. When I thought about it in terms of the armaments I was bringing into the fight, I felt like I was some kind of stupidly over-prepared squire trying to impress his Master. Happily, however, I make a habit of only carrying things I know how to use, and no, that does not include the Godsbedamned blender, so shut the fuck up, Jay.
{Wasn’t even going to mention it.}
Liar. Anyway-
{*cough* Radio *cough*}
Fuck you. Once I’d gotten my gear on, I practiced moving around in it some more to get a good feel for what I was doing before heading to the Helm Street exit where the Regiciders and the NSSHRLF were supposed to be trading info for the final rendezvous point of the night. Entrances to Bonetown were being sealed, even as the dual debriefing was going on. Jay’s going to tell her part of the story here in a bit, so I’m not going to go over shit she’s going to go over since it’s pretty vital to her side of the shit and whatnot. However, I will say that we had ten minutes to ourselves after the meeting, and even though a couple of Jay’s ‘students’ and Maud wanted our attention for one reason or another, they gave us our space and let us say our peace before we got started.
Jay and I joined hands in a side room, looking at each other with resolution and trepidation in our eyes. Even a soul as tortured and broken as Jay’s could still feel the rush that comes from a job that’s been hyped up for so long, and even a veteran Varas such as myself, the Varas Tuuli even, still gripped his partners hands to calm himself before the heat came on. Her amber eyes and my green eyes seemed to reflect one another until they mixed, like a sunset over Jaise, a Fechette town that had trees growing all around it. I’d been there for a stint with La Guilde de Volours to gain some experience, which is where I just so happened to case my second castle. I’d planned on retiring there with my connections, and I swore to myself that I’d find another town just like it to spend my Silver Solstice days.
“... Jay…”
“We might not come back from this one, my Mans. Imma pray.”
“... To who?”
She gave me a frustrated look. “Fuck else can we do? Maybe we’ll get lucky and she’ll just kill us both, send your ass to Hell and let me resurrect myself into another male body. Preferably one with a little more colour. Being pale is killing me.”
I headbutted her softly, though Jay leaned forward and stood on her tiptoes to do it back as I was leaning down, so it was wholly unpleasant and not at all what I’d had in mind. “Well ow. If we’re going to pray to Her Majesty, then I’d like to be the guy to lead it.”
“Nah, she likes me better.”
I narrowed my eyes at Jay for but a split second. “That’s... “
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “DearTwilightwhoartinHeavenCentral, hallowed be thy name, thy queendom come to full fruition and all those that bow to your grace be blessed. Let us not forsake our mutual love this day and offer unto you something you actually want for a little extra luck on our mission… Or for some other sucker to have to do this bullshit so the universe doesn’t explode.”
“I think it would be implode.” I commented.
“I think it would shuddup before I kicked its dick into its gooch.” Jay growled sexfully- Ow. Worth it- Ow.
[Still worth it?]
{Why do you hit harder than me?}
[Natural Girlpower.]
{... That’s transphobic as fuck, Homes.}
Both of you shut up. In reply to my True Love’s enticing- Fucking knock it off, I’m allowed to tell the damn story how I wanna tell it!
{Oh, bet. Imma remember that.}
… Fuck it. Why not? As I was saying, my True Love’s fiery retort made me roll my eyes, mildly annoyed by her general snappishness at some level, but generally hoping that I could just give her a hug and make it okay. I reminded myself that Maud was in the other room, she wanted me back, and she hadn’t been a man prior to being a woman, so I settled for squeezing Jay’s hands one more time. With a bow of my head, I saw her shadow mimic the action as I prepared to spill my heart out as I’d done to Furladra a thousand times before.
“My Empress, my Queen. This day I offer unto you my spoils save for the sacrifices I make to the darkness. I beg your pardon and desire your amnesty this night for not myself, but for all of my comrades. All silver and gold I come across will be given to you, and half of the payment for the mission shall be offered as tithe for your blessing. Here we beg of you, our Lady above, to hear our call and see our journey through one more step. In your Holy Name we pray; amen.”
“... Amen. That was pretty… Well, I didn’t take you for the type.” Jay said softly.
“I’ve been deeply religious for most of my life. I was just devoted to a less powerful Goddess.”
“Ah, right. Ladesa’s Mom who isn’t helping us for some reason.”
“The Gods can only give blessings as far as the mortal realm goes. They’re not generally allowed to fight battles for their Human followers.”
“Fucking gay.”
I nodded. “Truer than you know, but sometimes you bite the bullet and deal with it.”
We let go of each other’s hands at the same time and our fists met. “Garrison, if
I don’t make it out, tell Fluttershy that I died as a guy.”
“I will. If I don’t make it out, then come and get my arse.” I snorted.
Jay cracked a smile and tapped my chest with her fist, making my heart pound against my sternum. “Stay alive, Man. I’ll see you on the other side.”
“Only if you’re waiting there for me, hot stuff.” I teased, giving her a little wink.
“I’ll hit you.” She deadpanned.
To return her little tap, I basically pushed her with my knuckles and smirked. “I like it rough.”
“Shut up, Dumbass.” She scoffed.
We both ended up chuckling after it, but it felt like a lot of the tension between us was unwound for a little while. Something told me that Jay was grateful for the distractions of the past few days and the necessary focus that came from the monumental task ahead, but to me, it was just another day on the job. I just wanted to get it over with so I could hurry the fuck up and go figure out how to become the Allfather. With that in mind, Jay and I parted ways with our separate squads and took to our designated topside entrances. We were close together, but on different streets, so we would be safe to get out and get back in if we could find another entrance that wasn’t locked in some way.
My team was made up of Frieda, Dagger Fall, and myself, which wasn’t much unless you consider that we were just supposed to clear the watchtowers shortly before I entered the building itself. The hardest part was supposed to be getting to the Warden’s Office, but I doubted that it would be as difficult as getting my comrades to kill their targets as fast as I would do mine. Still, as we climbed into the air, only the soft sound of our wingbeats could be heard until we rose above the clouds and settled down on one, using an old Griffin war tactic that involves landing on a cloud, kneeling, and beating your wings hard enough to move it without being obvious about it.
To be honest, I expected it to take longer to actually get to the keep, but within ten minutes of some rather casual flapping, we were directly overtop the midpoint of Dagger’s towers. He dropped off of the cloud, the night dark and the Moon unseen in the sky, light barely provided by the flickering magical torches that lined the walls of the watchtowers. His dark coloration would lend it’s aid well to his task, but even with the unscented soap we’d all been sure to scrub ourselves and our stuff with, we were still wary of being scented by one of the horny fuckers. Luckily for me, we’d approached from the West in the first place, so I didn't have far to go for my own tower. Our group split up without a sound in the breeze, all of us hoping and praying that the first step wouldn’t spell disaster for the whole mission, though I still assured myself that all was right. My stomach was feeling normal, which wasn’t a good or a bad thing, and the winds seemed to be moving well enough for the night, but something just seemed… Off, about the whole affair in all honesty.
I didn’t let it get to me as I landed on the roof of the tower as lightly as I could, but there’s always room for doubt in an ill mind. A roll of my eyes was all it took to clear the jitters, convincing myself that I was just being timid about getting my toes back into the water for real. Suffocating the guard with Wind Magic from where I hung on the tower was easy, and after a quick folky-pokey to make sure he wasn’t getting back up, I considered my options.
I could either go and help the other dispatch their targets, thus decreasing the likelihood of us getting caught, or I could trust my team enough to do their jobs right and just head for the roof access like I was supposed to. As short as the debate was, I’d like it to be known that I mostly trusted Frieda to make sure things stayed quiet on the Walls, and that’s the only reason I took off and headed to the oddly unguarded roof.
At first we’d just thought it was too dark for even Griffin eyes to make out the shape of any guards since we were just that high in the air, but as ‘luck’ would have it, there wasn’t a soul on the rooftop. My suspicions from earlier came back in full force, and this time I didn’t even bother trying to assure myself of some alternate cause for my feeling of discontent. I’d walked into traps with my cock in hand before, but this time was different. This time there was no, ‘Touch me and Desmond’ll have you in Grovels.’, or ‘I’m Varas, Bruv. Stand Down.’ to rely on. At the moment, all I had was the Human Capital I’d gathered after a thousand years of torture and a Thief’s Life plus some change. And a small arsenal of weapons. And a few tricks that were guaranteed to earn me some snipped loose ends inside. And back up, if I needed it.
Fuck, I’ve done dumber shit for shittier people. Caution; I control the Wind. Bitch. Without further debate on whether I should lead with Tim or Carey (I chose Carey), I walked into the metaphorical Lion’s Den, though you could just call it the Minotaur’s Keep and I’m sure just as many children from Terra would be scared to go near it. Either or, my feet left the air and hit the solid roof for the first time, and absolutely nothing happened. With a steady hand and an alert ear, I tried picking the lock to the door with my normal tools, but I wasn’t surprised to find that the mechanism was too heavy and a little more complex than what I had on hand. However, I also happened to have Magic. The internal struggle against whether or not to take the easy way out was decided in a flash. I’ve deviated against plans before for the sake of saving them entirely, and my gut was telling me that actually opening the roof door (And standing in front of it) would have gotten me killed to death. Thus, Garrison the Ever-Clever laid a new plan and hatched it with record time, circling the upper rim of the building for any windows that didn’t have bars on them.
With the knowledge of magical alarms making itself known in my head via repetition that I wasn’t really doing on purpose, I carefully approached one of the three non-barred windows I’d seen while scouting, but much to my surprise, the curtains on the other side were either pink or a light, girly purple. I couldn’t really tell since the only light available came from inside and muddied the true color of the cloth, but nevertheless I felt as though someone had just given me a free hostage. Because, you know, I probably had a free hostage. A quick zip back to the Rendezvous Point with Frieda and Dagger earned me two Watchdogs, and with that, we sped back to our new mark with venom surging our thoughts.
We considered how we should open the obstacle ahead of us for a solid minute or so before we came to the conclusion that Dagger would do the knocking and I’d do the talking. Dagger Fall hovered his way down to the target and rapped his knuckles against it several times in a soft staccato, vaguely reminiscent of the Barber hook for ‘Jobs available.’. After a minute or two of silence, Dagger flew back to the window, knocked harder, and got out of dodge as soon as he could, just barely clearing the window in time for the curtains to be thrown to the sides and the window itself slide up.
“What in Tartarus is-” A young Cow started.
I flew into her like an Airrow from my Air Bow and stopped us before we could slam into a wall, trapping us in a vacuum that made life really cold and really sucky. Well, up until I gave myself some air and practically suffocated the mark before I even took a look at the room she’d been in. Much to my surprise, it was obviously an office, but even more to my fucking surprise, she might’ve been the Godsbedamned Warden as far as I knew, seeing as how the placard on the heavy marble desk said so. It was nice to have something go right for once, so I waved Frieda and Dagger Fall into the room to take care of our new acquaintance while I searched for the Prisoner Registry. It wasn’t hard to find since it was in the woman’s desk, but reading it was a whole ‘nother demon. Some of the prisoners in the Registry had been in Grey Grotto for over a hundred years, and with that came changing vernacular and a slightly strange looking alphabet, but it wasn’t my job to read the damn thing; just find it.
Once I had it in hand, I passed it off to Frieda and she ran it to the rest of our team outside the keep’s walls. Meanwhile, Dagger and I stood watch of our Warden turned prisoner and made sure to tie her up tight and gag her before she could start mooing or something and give away our position. However, when Frieda came back from the meet up, she said that none of our guys were where they were supposed to be, and that the only people she could find were the watchtower teams. In other words, we were up shit’s creek and Bite-Back was missing the paddle, but I knew in my heart and gut that we could still pull the mission off with the team we currently had, so I headed out this time, rounded up the remaining five members of our team, and placed them in charge of killing our hostage before getting the Hell away from the keep while Dagger, Frieda, and I took to the halls because we had a fucking mission to complete.
We didn't speak much, though that was mostly because we already knew that we were going to the Barracks first to do some digging, and then we were going to head to the actual Prison itself. We were on the fifth floor of the building and the prison occupied the first through third floors, so we worked our way down to the fourth, only needing to suffocate two patrols (To death. Who knew what they did with our people at that point?) in order to clear a path to the barracks themselves. As I’d fucking expected, the Barracks were only a quarter full of sleeping Minotaurs, but Frieda and Dagger recognized some of them as guards, so we popped one of my restocked Joke Trochs and let them all pass away quietly in their sleep. By stabbing them while they couldn’t breathe. In fact, I think a lot of them woke up, but eh; what can you do?
{Sick fuck.}
Shush.
[She’s right.]
I’ll cock-slap both of you with a rubber rooster… No objections? Good. We continued with our all-too-easy job because we knew that the worst was yet to come. Still, we soldiered on and held our silence as we crept and sauntered through the keep with Dagger making trips back and forth between Frieda and I and loot spots so we could maximize profit on the mission and hopefully get more out of it than just a slap to Herodickius’ face. I mean, he was already slapping us pretty hard, but it was just a little ridiculous how we were practically having the run of the place with little to no trouble from anyone.
Until we got to the Prison, that is.
The Prison Wing… We… We found out why there were so few people in the building, and it was…
[How could it have possibly been worse than poisoning and killing at least twenty guards?]
… Dagger stacked up on me with his sword drawn and Frieda kept watch while I did my best to figure out the controls to the entrance of the keep, eventually passing the duty off to Dagger since he actually knew something about modern Jailbreaking as opposed to my ‘archaic’ methods. He stayed in the Main Control Room while Frieda went back to check up on our hostage and the team that had stayed behind to take care of her while I went to enter the Prison itself. With Tim and Carey drawn and ready to go, Dagger unlocked the door and I waited for a full minute before opening it with trepidation. The moment I touched the fucking handle I knew something was horribly, horribly wrong, and I had the worst of feelings about what I’d see inside. However, it didn’t matter since Ladesa had been confirmed as a prisoner in the registry, and she needed my fucking help, so I buckled down, tightened my belt as metaphorically as one could slipped through the door, leaving it slightly cracked for a quick exit if need be.
From the second I stepped into the miasmic cloud of odiferous, metallic, sewage-like scents, I formed an Air Bubble around my head to try and purify as much of the putridity as I could, but even then I still needed to slip my mask on and pull my goggles out of their pouch. Death was strewn through the air like grain waste during a festival, and despite having lived in
The Grey and literally eaten rotten flesh, I wasn’t fond of smelling blood, piss, shit, and rot all night, so I was eager to get my part of the job over and fucking done with as soon as possible. Thankfully, I already knew that Ladesa was in cell C-12, and I was already on that floor from my entry. Instead of heading straight to her like a fool, however, I chose to do a little scouting, looking inside every cell and waiting for the slightest sound to ring out in the eerie, dim silence.
There was nothing.
Looking around the top floor of the Prison? There was nothing. There was no one in the cells, no one making any noise, no one even breathing. Ladesa’s cell had been blocked off from view, so I couldn’t see inside, which was when I made a mistake. With Ladesa’s cell under suspicion, I made my way to on of the staircases down to the B-Block of cells and realized why there weren’t any people out and about. I also realized why there weren’t many guards out and about, and that’s because they were all out and about. Inside out and about, I should say. Gore and viscera painted the walls of B-Block with organs, entrails, heads, gnawed bones, and half-chewed body parts all pinned to the walls with yellowed spikes of bone that sent chills down my spine. I wasn’t fucking with a simple beast of some kind; I was most likely fighting a supernatural being that Jay would have been more suited toward fighting than I would have been, but the choice had already been made and I was standing heel-deep in blood, so my best bet felt like trying to kill the thing that had killed the rest of the prison. That also felt like a bad idea, so Tim went back to my hip and Pam came out to play while I made my way back to the stairs so I could head down to A-Block.
While B-Block had been a horrorshow, A-Block was… Dissidic, to say the least. Flayed corpses were strung up in various obscene positions with their genitals mutilated. For example, there was a Molly with her fur and flesh peeled off of her top half, exposing the muscle and skin underneath to the air, maggots wriggling around in the putrefaction of all that she was. Her eyes were jammed into holes cut into her skull; one in the front and one in the back while the socket’s themselves had what appeared to be the fingers from each hand jammed into them. As… Interesting, shall we say, that display was, the lower half of the poor Molly was what nearly made me lose my lunch. Her tail and a dozen others from half a dozen races had been shoved bone-first into holes that had been drilled into her hips, sides, lower cheeks, and arse, while one of the largest Bulls I’d ever seen lie beneath her, bereft of all flesh other than what was on his pelvis and thighs.
Through the power of a single string that had obviously been tied painfully tight, the Minotaur’s cock was still splitting the unfortunate Molly’s gash, turning her slit into a wound unlike that of which any a female should have to experience. I realized at that moment just how horrible Frieda’s experience with the once Minotaur must have been, seeing as how the Molly was torn apart by the Bull. Still, that was one of the less grotesque scenes that were on display on the lowest level of the Prison. Many more were dotted about, but I only needed to see the one moving thing to know that I needed to run. It truly had been foreshadowing. Odysseus was back, feasting on the flesh of his brethren and I just so happened to be occupying the same Gods fucking fuckedity ducking fuck butt room as him.
Does anyone need to be reminded of what I did to him? Hot sauce bottle smashed in his penis, cut his tongue out, sliced him up nice and proper. Scaphism. I wasn’t eager to see if Pops was in the right mind to remember me, but I also knew that I didn’t have many places to run, and leaving him unchecked was pretty much the worst thing I could do, so I did what I could and conjured up my bow and an Airrow, knocking and aiming at my former foster father for the sake of finally finishing the fucking failure him off.
And then he turned around and gave me a looksee.
I nearly pissed myself, but my Airrow flew true nonetheless and hit Ol’ Odie straight in the stomach, blowing the flesh straight out of him, the organs that were still left inside of his reanimate corpse splattering all over the wall behind him. It wasn’t a pretty sight to say the least, but I didn't trust the facade he put up when he sank to his knees, so I pulled Pam back out of her holster and unloaded six shots into his face as fast as I could before taking off and damn-near hitting the ceiling. Odysseus was still on the ground when I took off, and upon landing on solid ground on the third floor, I saw that he didn’t appear to be getting up. However, my heart was alight with rage and fear, so I conjured up my bow one more time, but I had a twist to it this time.
The charge was effortless since I was deadly calm and far more than furious that my old tormentor was back, so making a flaming Airrow wasn’t exactly difficult either. I didn’t like that I was relying on my Magic so heavily, but I wasn’t trying to fight a fucking Zombie that had slaughtered some of the toughest prisoners and guards on the planet. Thus, in the interest of staying alive, I condensed as much pure, unadulterated emotion in the Airrow as I could, drawing it back as far as I could make it go before letting it loose at a high angle. As much as I’d expected the Airrow to killaguy, I wasn’t anticipating it to ignite and change from cold air to Mothica Fyre, which was a Denosian specialty that the Guilds used around the world to either torch something completely, burning it for days on end until someone could douse it with mud and sand, or to cook Furd'oeuvres. Ever moreinteresting was the fact that the Fyre Airrow left a stream behind it that seemed to hover in the air for a second before ‘following the leader’, as it were.
My little gift to dear Ol’ Pops hit him in the face and the Airrow stopped once it sank in about an inch. He sat up, tried to pull it out, and then shrugged when he couldn’t. “Oh well.”
“... Fuck.” I breathed, barely even audible to myself.
“Oh Sonny-Boy~ Pops missed you!” Odysseus crooned from the lake of blood he was standing in.
I lifted a hand. “Thanks. Missed you-” Pops sprang up and cleared A-Block in a single bound. “SHITE!!!”
Mr. Me was in no hurry to get killed back to death again, but with less guarantees of coming back to life. I was maybe just a little shaken that Odysseus managed to get within ten feet of me before I could put some space between us, but even as I snapped my fingers and loosed the last laugh he’d hear between the two of us, I might have wee’d a little out of sheer fear for my life. The trail from the Airrow in Odie’s head had followed him around as he’d been jumping, but it hadn't ever gotten any shorter. Now there was a great green streak hanging in the air, marking everywhere Odysseus had been in the past four seconds. Upon snapping my fingers, the trail retracted into the air in the blink of an eye and the energy Odysseus had expended since he’d been hit factored into the strength of the incendiary explosion that wreathed his form in Mothica Fyre.
Distracted by the prospect of being burned alive for a good long while, Pops fell off of the third floor all the way down to the first, head first. There was a nasty splat and splatter when he hit the stone floor, but all I cared about was Ladesa, praying that she was still alive and unaccosted. With her on my mind, I returned to the one cell I couldn’t see inside and tried to come up with an idea as to getting her out and making sure we could keep Odie in. Instead of shouting through the door, I cupped my hands around the keyhole and carried a steady stream of the cleanest air I could get, whispering that I was here to save Ladesa and that she should knock twice if she was alive. After two weak knocks, I placed a hand over the giant locking mechanism of the door and blasted it with air as hard as I could, trying to shear the metal out of the thing so I could open it. When that didn’t work, I let Ladesa know that I was coming right back with the Cell keys, but when I went to leave the Prison Block, the door was closed.
It was also locked.
The plan was in pieces. Everything was turning to shit, so I lost my cool for the first time in so long, I forgot what anxiety actually felt like. I needed to save Ladesa and myself. I needed to get her back to Applejack and I needed to get myself back to Maud. I needed to go find out what happened to the rest of my team and I needed to know if Jay was okay, so I said ‘Fuck it’ to the Airrow and made a Spear of Fear, which is just what I’m going to call the spear made of fire. With it, I attacked the door that lead to the rest of the prison, but my best bet was going for the joints and doing my business slowly and steadily, which killed me on the inside. It took me thirteen minutes to penetrate one single hinge, so I turned up my fury and panic and manage to make it through the next two in seven. Cutting through the lever that locked the door itself took time, and the door was still going nowhere, but then I heard a fucking bonechilling roar and rushed over to the railing to see what was going on.
A flaming Odysseus and a handful of the more ‘whole’ corpses were bashing each others constantly and the Mothica Fyre was spreading, making the shin-deep lake of blood ignite and turn the whole room into a giant, hellish oven. Panicking harder than ever, there were more ideas forming in my mind than ever, so I start creating a vacuum tube that I could launch Air Bullets down in seconds, flinging my prtojectiles at the difference between life and death for the sake of not fucking dying myself. After a minute of sweating, the oxygen in the room was heavily depleted, but the brightest thing was that I had one more large Air Bullet until the door to the upper floor was broken. With a precious reserve of my Magic left, I hit the door with what I could spare and it finally fucking fell, nearly bringing tears to my eyes that weren’t induced by toxins in the air. In a hurry, I carried as much pure air as I could into the room, funneling it past me and into Ladesa’s cell, airing the place out so she wouldn’t fucking die.
With her taken care of for the moment, I flew back to the Barracks without checking on anyone else so I could grab the C-Block keys, locating the one marked for Ladesa’s cells after a few frustrating minutes. With the one out of thirty others in my hand, I flew back to Ladesa as fast as I could, weary and nauseous from multiple factors that all made me just want to puke and lie down. Instead of being a pusillanimous bitch, however, I chose to be a man like my Guildmaster before me and went back into the fire from the frying pan. Thankfully it was only hot and fetid within the Prison, so I just had to unlock Ladesa’s cell and drag her pale, weakened form out as fast as I could.
I picked her up and carried her like a Princess for reasons, though those reasons were mostly because she was too weak to walk and smelled better after three days without a bath than the Prison did after an hour of being alight. “Fuckin’ love ya, Gauche.” Ladesa murmured as I ran out of the prison, heading back to the Control Room.
“Save it, Raspberry. We gotta get out of here first.” I replied, as tense as I could be.
Not another word was said between us until we got to our first destination. Dagger was already pacing like a madman around the Control Room when we arrived, so he took Ladesa off my hands so we could fly back to the Warden’s office and get out of the Godsforsaken keep. Frieda was waiting outside the door when we arrived, but her first question was, “Wait, where in Tartarus is everyone else?”
I looked her in the eye, “You don’t want to know.”
“... Damn.” She murmured.
“Not just Bite-Back.” Ladesa croaked.
I shook my head. “Odysseus is back. We need to get the Catacombs cleared out if we can’t contain him here.”:\
Frieda’’s breath shook as she drew it. “Okay. Okay, here’s the plan. We’ve just heard word that things are going sideways at the castle from a runner, but no one knows what’s up with our team. We need to cut our losses and get out of here as fast as we can so we can go help out. Any objections?”
I looked to Dagger Fall. “Where’s the safest inn you know of?”
He nodded. “I get it. You’ll find us at the Fly’s Eye.”
I nodded in turn. “Thanks, Bruv.” Turning back to Frieda, I said, “I need to interrogate the Warden. There’s a reason Odysseus isn’t dying like he should be and I think she knows why.”
“Let me do the talking. If you fought him and got out alive, then you’re going to be more help to the assassination team then any of the watchtower team.” She reasoned.
“The King…” Ladesa moaned. “You have… Dead... You have to...”
“We will, Desa. Take some time to rest and get your strength back. I’ve gotta go get Jay, so don’t die on me, alright.”
She held up a thumb, which was good enough for me to leave her alone and enter the Warden’s Office once more so I could exit through the window. The Ironclad Keep was within walking distance of the Iron Castle, so getting there from the sky was faster than you could say ‘Fuck off, dick rabbit’ three times. I didn’t know how exactly I was supposed to approach the building since it was evidently a bad time to do so, but I kept on nevertheless since I’m just that nice of a guy. That, and I really wanted to kill Herodotus and go back to Equestria so I could cuddle with Maud and tickle her ears. It just sounded really attractive at the moment, and I was willing to bet that she would even let me be the big spoon for a little while. The prospect was quite enchanting, so I just crashed into the place through the biggest window I could find and found myself a good place to hide for a minute before a couple of guards came thundering around a corner.
Neither of them seemed to know where I was, but I did notice that neither of them actually breathed, seeing as how I took the air from their lungs and replaced it with nothing. They quickly realized that they couldn’t talk, but by the time they realized that they were in trouble, I’d already shot one of them in the back of the neck with Tim and was reloading. I managed to knock my bolt just in time to nail the other one right between the eyes, but sadly there just wasn’t enough force behind the blow to penetrate the bastards thick ass skull. Not that there was anything to penetrate behind it, but still. However, I did spring out from my hiding place a third time and rush the guard, ravishing his skull through his jaw with Carey before he had time to heft his axe. Ripping my knife out of him was a little hard than it should have been, but I blamed that on his thick fucking Minotaur head and carried on with my business, except this time I flew up near the high, vaulted ceiling to avoid being detected by pedestrians.
The mission was supposed to be going down in the Ballroom, but I didn’t know where that was exactly. It was on the first floor, which is where I was, but it took me the better part of ten minutes to locate the room and subsequently assess the situation. I had to fly in through a ventilation shaft of some sort, but either way, I entered the ballroom unseen and before me lay a scene of yet more carnage, but this time there were two things that were moving. One was the single largest living sentient being that I’d ever seen, standing at four and a half meters tall, or around fifteen feet at the very least. His armour was covered in blood that didn’t seem like his own, despite the gashes and charring that dotted the metal from place to place. The other was a striking woman with flaming red hair who was holding a crimson longsword in one hand and a giant, unreasonably large pistol in the other.
“ … Done well to get to this point, Heffer! It’s been years since a mortal has pushed me this far!” The King proclaimed excitedly. “From this day forth, Mari Jayne shall be known throughout Minosia as my toughest challenger yet!”
“Dream on, Cocksnot! Fight ain’t over!” Jay growled.
“Ha! Your little runes and spells might have carried you to this point, but I’ve yet to take a true blow from you and you’re nearly out of Magic! What hope could you possibly have!?” He guffawed shortly before taking a Fyre Airrow to the side of the head.
The Mothica Fyre started spreading, but before it took his head over completely, the green flames turned black and petered out, inviting Herodotus to look at me. I waved. “So you’re hard to kill.”
“Who in the horns are you?” He asked gruffly, just as Jay disappeared for some odd reason.
“I’m Garrison, and I’m here to do stuff, I guess. You wouldn’t happen to be suicidal, would you?”
He glared at me with hatred in his eyes. “I have no time for fools. Begone.” Herodotus swept his hand in front of him, casting some manner of Magick in my direction, so I took off to avoid getting Magicked since it seemed like a generally painful thing to do.
Sadly, my luck ran out the moment I engaged with Herodotus and didn’t kill him, because I still got hit in the chest with a yellowed spike of bone that nearly knocked me out of the air. It should have, in all honesty, but the steel plates in my armour paired with the lacquered leather meant that I lived to see another day. Getting hit still hurt, so I was a little more than pissed that Herry was so damn accurate with his little bullshit spikes. Thus, I I threw a fireball back at him for being a prick, but he in turn hurled more and more spikes at me that I had to dodge and deflect to the best of my ability in mid-air, which pissed me off even more. Back and forth we went, each of us just getting more and more frustrated at each other since neither of us were really doing damage to the other. On my side, I was singing his fur slightly and blinding him from time to time so I could sneak in a decent shot with Pam, but on his side, he was making contact with his shots every once in awhile, but none of them were much more than flesh wounds or bruises, so we were at a stalemate.
Until Jay came back out of nowhere, standing behind Herodotus with the massive gun from before. I saw him load three bullets into the thing while I was trying to hold the King’s attention, and as soon as Jay got them loaded, I juked forward and dashed left to make Herodotus swing away from Jay so he could get shot in the spine. The crack of the gun was deafening in the Ballroom, and the gore that exploded from Herodotus’ chest was impressive to say the least. The bullet had left a hole the size of my bloody head in his chest, and soon enough another hole joined it, but this one was in his stomach. Somehow, missing two large chunks of his spike, Herodotus still spun around, grabbed Jay, and threw her at me rather quickly for a man who had just been shot twice.
Since I’m super nice, I bothered with catching Jay and got her back down to the ground in record time, both of us facing off against Herodotus with a little less in our reserves than we would have liked. We didn’t have a Grand Finale style back up plan. There were no more reinforcements. It was either do or die, and dying just wasn’t on my todo list at the moment, I started up my Air Gun and cast a quick glance at Jay. She seemed to be working on her own thing, but Herodotus just stood near the middle of the room, glaring at us.
“And!? Was that all you had to offer!?” He roared.
“I have one last attack in me. After that I can get you out.” I murmured.
“I’ve got a plan. Fire off whatever you’re doing and fly around him for a bit. Try not to get Oh-Ko’ed. Wait for my mark.”
“Tch. So don’t get hit. Gotcha. What are you doing?”
Jay passed me a devious, devilish smile. “Blood for blood and bone for bone, let the sinner now atone. Paid in blood the debt is filled, scorched soil shall now be tilled.” With a loud clap that I assumed was her mark, all of the blood around jay started bubbling, so I shot my Air Bullet as fast and as hard as I could.
The impact of my attack was decent seeing as how it hollowed the rest of Herodotus out, but it wasn’t enough to stop him. Now the guy just had an empty torso that was connected by bone, but then Jay’s plan came to fruition. The blood that had been boiling surged and seeped into the bodies of the people around us, waking them from the slumber of death and bringing them back into the world of the living. Once they were all on their feet, they started shambling toward Herodotus and Jay’s amber eyes started glowing red, her wicked smile growing more and more evil by the second. Necromancy was a dark art that I’d never wanted any part of, and seeing that the woman who was supposed to be my true love performing the darkest of arts was disheartening to say the least. Still, even Herodotus was confused as the people that had previously been slain marched toward him, but never came closer than arms reach. None of them did anything other than stand around him, tightening the circle as more and more of them came.
And then I realized something.
Different races were placed on different lines, different vertices of the circle. Something was just off about what was going on, but Herodotus didn’t seem to notice it. “So you practice the Necrotic Arts as well? You’re aware that all of these people are Soul-Bound to me, correct.”
Jay chanted while Herodotus was talking, but her smile just lost what little sanity it had left as she carried on with, “Graces fall, the children bawl, now disquiet is incited. Of Moudar’s Call,” Herodotus’ eyes shot open, “and Grogar’s awl, now the quiet is ignited.”
“GROGAAAAR!!!” Herodotus roared, making odd motions with his shoulders. I couldn’t see his hands or hooves, but I assumed that they were preventing him from making a run for it.
Then, out of nowhere, Jay tugged on my arm and buried my face in her chest, I couldn’t have cared much less about what was going on until I heard the nastiest, most sickening sound I’d ever heard. Thousands of bones exploded along with vital tissue and organs, sending bone shards and gore in all direction around Herodotus. I didn’t see the spectacle for myself, but I felt the magical shockwave that it produced and heard the glass in the windows all shatter from the force of the explosion, my Air Bubble being the only reason Jay and I weren’t deafened. Once I felt Jay let me go, I turned back toward Herodotus and saw nothing more than a desecrated Minotaur’s skeleton standing around, painted red.
I blew a gust of wind at it and it fell over.
“... Well then.” I commented.
Jay put a hand on my arm. “Good save, my Man.”
I tapped her shoulder with a fist. “Next time, kill the bastard on your own.”
“Tch. Just be happy I got everyone from our side out before the shit hit the fan.”
“I was just going to ask about what happened to Maud since she was supposed to be here with you. Where’d she go?”
She pointed at a broken window that I could have flown through. “She got thrown out for being a Pony.”
“Damn… So…”
“Drinks?”
“I hope there’s mead around here somewhere.”
Jay pointed at a bloody banquet table that had a keg on it. “Might taste like Minotaur, but it’s mead.”
“I can wait.” I patted her shoulder.
She hit me lightly. “So how’d the Ironclad Keep turn out?”
“Mmm… Yeah, so everyone except Ladesa died a brutal, bloody, terrible death. Literally like a sea of blood in there.”
“Dayum.”
“Mhmm. Let’s get alcohol and talk.”
“Dude, I’m good. I’m already batshit insane.”
“I need a hug.” I replied easily.
Jay squeezed my arm and started steering me toward the largest door in the room. “Figured you would. I’d give you one, but I ain’t gay, Bruh.”
I patted her back. “Understandable. You’ll have to tell me how this whole ordeal turned into a super bloodbath.”
“Before or after you go over your part of the story.”
I gave her a shit eating grin. “Ladies first.”
I just barely managed to dodge her blow, but I still slipped in some blood and nearly fell anyway. “That’s what you get, Fuckboy.”
I snorted and did my best to shake off the nightmares I knew were coming. It didn’t help. Joining Jay’s side once more should have made me feel a bit better about the current situation. Should have. My stomach was a leaden ball and my mind was sluggish from the sheer amount of Magic I’d expended in the past three hours, but I still had enough to get Jay and I to a safe place for the night if at all possible. The thing was that Jay was already walking with a discernible limp and was wounded on her left shoulder, thought she took care of the wound with a small tool by carving a rune into her flesh, and I’d been literally poisoned by the burning miasma in the Prison, so neither of us were really ready for a third or fourth wind to surge through us…
I loaded Pamaus until I couldn’t fit anymore bullets in her and watched as Jay did the same with her own guns before holstering them to adjust her gloves. When we got to the door, she signalled for me to hold up before extending the same hand. “Ay, you ready to rock?”
“We don’t have to fight our way out of this, you know.” I replied a little irritably as another strange looking rune formed on the door.
“It’s not really gonna be much of a fight after this.”
“Enough life has been wasted tonight, Jay.” I said icily.
She cast her cool gaze upon me, splattered in scarlet as she was. She cut a dashing, fierce figure with her attire tattered and bloodstained as it was, bearing her wounds as she did. “Then what’s another spoonful to the bucket? These motherfuckers revel in bloodshed, Garrison. I’m telling you; this should have been an extermination from the start, Man. This shit? This ain’t shit compared to what they did, Garrison. Herodotus and his cabinet all deserve to die.”
I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and sighed out some frustration as the door exploded with a vengeance into the hall.
