Chapter Twenty-Six Part II: The Loom of Destiny
₪ღ✮ღ₪
Right, so Garrison already covered a lot of stuff, but since we’re starting with what I did during my days of prep, we’re going to have to start from the moment Garrison and I split up to start making our separate operations function as they should. My Regiciders were a small team since we didn’t have many unmarked fighters in our ranks. However, Maud was apparently tied to an Old Money family back in Equestria, so she was going in as our lady and I was doing the lady in waiting thing while we had a couple of buff Bitches as our guards so we wouldn’t raise suspicion like we would have with Minotaurs or pretty much any other race. In fact, I was the most sketchy thing we had going in there, but even so, I just had to carve a little bit of Tweek-Speke into a small metal place, cast a brand, and burn the rune into myself so I could alter my appearance with Blood Magic by using the mini-circle.
In all honesty, I didn’t give two shits about the pain at the time, and I just wanted to make Mari’s body feel more like my own, but I’d already started getting used to being a woman since I couldn’t remember what being a man felt like, and I knew that diving into my past to find out would get me fucked up on a whole ‘nother level by Lujei. I had to play her game, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t abuse the loopholes she left. During the first day of my Prep hase, I spent most of my time either carving my flesh so that I’d be as tough and agile as I’d been prior to becoming a woman or bloodletting and subsequently stuffing my face with the seventeen pounds of bread I’d asked for from the kitchen. Excessive? Definitely. Overboard? Yup. Necessary? True. I ended up getting nearly three gallons of blood out of twelve hours worth of bloodletting, binge-eating, and subsequent enhanced cellular respiration-based meditation. In other words, I turned bread into Magic, Magic into blood, and blood into yet another horrible idea.
I spilled the blood of a virgin in a small room that I’d been lent for the ‘experiment’ (A little white lie) and removed the Pentacle Pendant from my neck before tossing it into the center of the room. Lujei’s eyes were on me during the event, and I could feel her intrigue. Her protection wasn’t guaranteed, necessitating a few more drops of blood to be pressed into runic brands along the insides of my biceps. The first three were all physical impact dampeners that would last for about three Earth Pony kicks in a row apiece, and the next three were all Backlash/Reverb diverters that would funnel any malevolent Magicks that were flung my way to the Pentacle Ring, which would hopefully nullify it.
As the Pendant and my highly magical, extra virgin Human oil mingled and I tried to get over the feeling of having my feet soaked in my own blood, I noticed that the cool, viscous substance had started to warm and bubble around me. Groans from the walls sounded as lights appeared in eye sockets and souls were rested from the afterlife to bear witness to some shit that I didn’t really understand. The Pentacles were both written in Rune Cyphers that I wasn’t too terribly familiar with, and the phrasing of both had me confused as to what they were actually supposed to do, so when I saw that the blood in the room gravitated not towards the pentacle but toward the ring, I wondered what the fuck was going on until I realized that the ring must have needed to be fed through blood and the amulet/pendant through raw Magic. The ring was fucking supercharged. I mean…
There was no way in Hell I was ever taking the damn thing off. The thing had two people worth of blood in it, and those two people? A-Rank Blood Mages. The ring was officially powerful enough to give a D-Rank Earth Pony or Mundusian more than just a chance against me, and I wasn’t willing to let that kind of downright evil power go along and tempt somebody. At least if I kept it, I wouldn’t be affected by my own darkness since it’s mine. Shit’s my own Magic, so as long as it’s my blood in the ring, everything’s Gucci.
As far as the pendant went, it managed to absorb a little Magic, but I guess it has to be more of a direct attack for the thing to actually activate or something along those lines. In any case, I was tired as fuck, but I still had more shit to do, so I spent a couple more hours carving runes into little metal discs that I had the Minotaur smiths make for me whenever they weren’t doing something else. The little poppers wouldn’t do much to anyone one by one since they weren’t exactly large, but a handful thrown at someone’s face? Distracting enough to make for a clean getaway, and I love not getting caught.
After doing myself a favor and finally going to sleep, there were a few lovely dreams that involved my worst moments up to date. As always, it was a pretty nice time. After a pretty haunting slumber, I used my Super Sanity to locate some potent herb and got my Wake n’ Bake on, wishing that I could feel something other than the muted shades of emotions that were flowing through me. I kept my eyes wide open metaphorically since seeing everything without my shades to blur my True Sight, but all I was seeing were old lives and atoms flying about, which was annoying. I figured out how to filter my vision by giving fewer fucks about what I was seeing, but I was still basically tripping my ass off for a hot minute.
During the second day of the prep phase, I hit up the Minotaur smiths again so I could ask if they could show me a thing or two while I was in Bonetown. The forges were all spaced evenly in the smithing quarters, but when I walked up to a big splotchy brown and white Bull to ask if he could teach me, he laughed in my face and said, “Ha! A little Cow smaller than a Cat wants to learn how to forge like a Minotaur! Ah-ha-ha-” I got sick of his shit. “Argh!”
A swift kick to his hoof and a sharp tug on his arm had his horn in the palm of my hand in two seconds, if that. Bouncing his head off of his anvil was probably unnecessary, but then again, he didn’t have to laugh at me, now did he? “Didn’t your mother ever teach you to treat a lady with respect, or did your Dad just neglect to teach you to avoid underestimating someone?”
“Urgh…” He groaned, getting up slowly. “You sound like Maud.”
“Fap to her, not me.” I deadpanned. “Now how the fuck do I make hammer thing to the sharpness of metals?”
Once he was finally on his hooves he gave me a look. “All the cute ones are crazy.”
Popping my knuckles, I asked, “Do you know what corvee labor is?”
“... Let’s get ta forgin’.”
He got himself a little wink for that. “Aren’t you just the sweetest?”
Inwardly I threw up, but outwardly I also almost threw up. Mari giggled in the back of our head and I broke one of our soul’s legs to get back at her for it, which she was pretty pissed about. That was the fucking point since she shouldn’t have made me say gay shit if she didn’t want to suffer for it in turn. I mean, seriously! It was her fucking body and she was making me drive it! The whole situation was definitely bullshit, but she wouldn’t last long enough to kill herself, and Lujei would torture us for it anyway, so I kinda had to be in charge. Shit sucked enough without Mari making life even more difficult on me, which I tried to explain to her crazy ass, but she’s as far gone as I am. Some things just aren’t going to matter to people like us.
Anyway, I spent a full day learning things about forging and shit, which actually just sucked. Straight up. Forging is ass in a glass with shit bits in it. It’s hot, hitting metal makes your hands hurt, and it’s so much easier to just Alchemize a workable blade and refine it from there rather than forging the damn thing yourself. Fortunately for the dumbasses who thought that engravings were just meant to be personalizations, I happened to be an Artificer with a knack for sharing information and teaching as I’ve been taught. Despite not being all that sociable in the first place, I’m fully aware of the fact that I can teach my ass off when I feel like it, and having a bunch of motivated learners ready to absorb everything I had to teach them was pretty fucking dope.
The thing about me teaching the Minotaurs about Runes was that Sola-Phestus, the main Rune Cypher used worldwide, was halfway based in an ancient Minotaur dialect, thus making it the only one they really wanted to learn more about since the Minosian Universities were expensive and there were few enough people who could master Artificery well enough to teach it in the first place. I really didn’t like teaching them the basics of such a limited Cypher, but they’re the ones who wanted to learn Sola-Phestus, so that’s what I taught them. Not my brightest idea, but not the worst one either. I’m sure we’re all well aware of the first one.
[Dating Twilight?]
{Trusting Ty?}
Damn, y’all cold.
{Well, if you hadn’t dated Twilight, you might still be on Arkaid in the first place, and if you’d have clipped Ty off when he was properly poisonous in the first place, you might have gone and went to the collage thing.}
[College, and he’s kinda right…]
Shut the fuck up. Anyway, the day of the actual mission was a hectic one. I’d been fitted for a shitty dress that was way too feminine for me to be comfortable with wearing it, but Frieda, God bless that woman, had been kind enough to find me some pretty unsexy undergarments that would just be considered gay for a guy to wear and odd for a woman. I mean, the boyshorts made my ass look great, and it was kind like wearing boxer-briefs, and the camisole was just like wearing football pads that weren’t as hot. Kinda. I fooled myself as best I could, but I’d gotten a couple of voiced concerns from my students and the odd Pony I came across whenever I had trouble holding it all together. The morning of the mission wasn’t much different, but apparently it was just my vibe that was off since I still hadn’t quite figured out facial movements.
Garrison neglected to cover breakfast since it happened after he ditched me with some more Minotaurs for the day, but I ended up catching a seat with Frieda and Shifty Sands, a Unicorn in the Bite-Back Medical Unit. While we were talking over some omelettes and whatever the fuck it was that Sands ate, I asked, “So what’s up with the power structure around here? I know Garrison and I are basically hired muscle, but where do we fall on the ladder?”
Frieda’s beak curved down slightly and Sands outright frowned. “Well, Garrison’s kind of like Grey Grotto’s Black V.”
I blinked at the Mare. “Did you just say ‘Black V’?”
“Do you know of him?”
“‘V’ for ‘Vendetta’?” I asked incredulously.
“No, you’re thinking of the Red V in Ponitaly.” Frieda said like that wasn’t equally retarded.
“Whatever.” I grumbled. “I get it. I’m expendable, he’s King of the Hill right now.”
Frieda tapped my shoulder with her talons. “It’s just the way things are, Jay. Who knows? Maybe you’ll get all the cred’ for killing Herodotus and Bite-Back will worship you?”
I gave her the only smile I’d figured out how to do right, which was the appreciative one. “I’ll be sure to grab one of his horns for you.”
“I’m so good on that.” She chuckled.
“What, you don’t want to shave one down into a ‘tool’ and see what the King himself feels like?” I asked, trying to entertain myself.
Sands giggled her ass off for a few seconds and Frieda hit me again. “Plucking feathers, you’re such a guy!”
“I was born a man!”
“What.” Shifty stated rather than asked.
“Yeah, I was tortured until I willingly made my soul leave my body and got shoved into this one. Might be pretty now, but getting into it wasn’t.”
“... Oh.”
“Yeah, it’s a fuckin’ trip, lemme tell ya.” I scoffed. “Anyway, when are the briefings going on again?”
Frieda shrugged it off and Sands followed suit shortly after. “You’ve still got a couple of hours if you want to go topside for awhile.”
“Not like I’d know how to get back.” I sighed.
“Make it a date and I’ll take you~” Frieda teased.
“Sure thing, Dollface. Just let me tell my three girlfriends that the beaked menace has their honey.” I shot back, smirking.
“Seriously, you are so much more fun to talk to that Gauche. I swear that guy just likes to say bullshit and tease a gal all day.”
I gave her a look. “At least he’s not your soulmate.”
“Oooh…” She hissed.
With a roll of my eyes, I asked, “Is there any place we should go while topside or what?”
“Can’t think of anywhere in particular, but it’s not like it’s hard to get back to the Catacombs from anywhere in town.”
“It’s harder in broad daylight.” Sands pointed out.
Frieda shot her a look. “We have connections that’ll just let us in through the front door.”
“Point Frie-Frie.”
“I’ll cut you.”
I chuckled. “Cutesy nickname for a pretty woman. I can dig it.”
Featherhead squawked and tossed the rest of her omelette down her throat because gizzards. “I don’t.”
“Sisters in annoyance over dumb pet-names?”
“Sure. Does that mean you pay for drinks?”
"No, it means I warn you against fucking idiots." I gave her a wink.
Frieda clicked her beak three times, but I had no idea what that meant, so I ate food. It was passable. With our new bond founded, we did some walking and talking about stuff in general. Frieda had a hard time remembering that I was a guy in a woman and pretty much just treated me like a lesbian that she wasn’t opposed to sleeping with, just not necessarily eager to give the freaky-beaky to. Since we knew where we stood, we actually bonded over a mutual distrust of guys like Garrison in general, though we had to laugh at how odd it was that we’d managed to find that the honorable thief come assassin apparently wasn’t completely gone in the noggin. We also got along due to our mutual love of blackberry juice, gyros, a respect for people who actually did forge shit, and oddly enough, cacao coffee candy. Somehow between the two of us, we also disliked green apples, cauliflower, the smell of our bovine friends, and heat, which was odd because the last one could be rectified by moving out of the hot-ass, shitty-ass country she lived in. It wasn’t my problem per se, but I did like her enough to point it out.
While we were playing ‘Olive or Grape’ with some shit we bought, I asked, “So why don’t you just move out of this Hellhole? I mean, I can sense the evil in the earth here, and it’s radiating from the castle. I’d be hella surprised if this whole city wasn’t cursed.”
Frieda clicked her beak once. “Eeyup.”
“... S’why you can’t leave, isn’t it?”
“Eeyup.”
“So I’m definitely gonna take care of our Herodotus problem, and if the curse persists, then well-”
“Don’t give me false hope, Jay.” She sighed.
I threw an olive or a grape at her. “You’re talking to a guy who can either take care of the problem himself or get one of the best problem solvers around to do it for him.” Or I could just tell Okthus to overwrite the curse with one of his own silly shits. Whatever.
Frieda threw a grape at me and I ate it, spitting the seed out casually. “If you actually manage to kill this curse, Grey Grotto is going to be chock-full of people that’ll worship you over Gauche. He might have made life liveable here, but no one really wants to be here.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Please do.”
We walked on in silence until we hit Bonetown again where I asked, “So what got you into Bite-Back, Ellie?”
“... Ellie?”
“Frieda is short for ‘Elfrieda’, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Is Ellie cool?”
She nodded a couple times. “... It’s already kinda growing on me. Anyway, as for what got me into Bite-Back… Let’s just say that Minotaurs aren’t sexually compatible with many races, and one of them was dead-set on teaching me that in the least pleasant way possible.”
“Has he already been taken care of?” I asked darkly.
“Sectus, the guy who gave the order, is pretty plucking dead. The guy who actually did it? He’s in Equestria, traipsing around Celestia’s court with Prince Blueblood.” She spat bitterly.
I put a hand on her shoulder and smiled as best I could, making her give me a worried look as I said, “I’ll take care of him. What’s his name?”
“Sextus Tarquin.”
I raised a brow. “Does the name ‘Lucretia’ mean anything-”
Elfrieda’s talons gripped the front of the shirt I’d worn topside as her other hand prepared to end me. “Lie and die. Who are you?”
“The Rape of Lucretia was a piece of Roman history back on my home planet, Earth. Lucretia was a noblewoman and Sextus was a member of royalty, and the event resulted in the Roman Monarchy turning into a Republic.”
She stared at me, her breathing evening out from the heavy panting she’d been doing as she let me go and dropped her talons. “... Sorry. That was uncalled for.”
“Don’t kill yourself.” I said flatly.
“... Was that in the story too?”
“Eeyup.”
“Maybe I just want my revenge, Jay. Maybe that’s all I want at this point.”
“Too bad. Live for something, die for something. I’ll beat it into you like a dog-knot if I have to, capische?”
She just shook her head. “Leave well enough alone, Jay.”
“You’re not well enough to leave alone.”
“Pluck, that was actually kinda good.” She grumbled.
I tapped her beak with a finger and she half-heartedly pecked at me. “I look after people I trust, Frieda, and I trust you. If I have to kidnap Sextus and keep him alive in a dungeon, rotting and festering for a hundred years just to keep you alive for another day, then I happily will.”
“... You Humans are weird.” She chuckled, shaking her head and looking down. Her gaze swept up to meet mine and she scooped one of my boobs, but tit no jiggle because sports bra.
I cupped my chest anyway and tried to give her a look. “Stop it, you fuckbitch.”
“Right, like I’m the lecher here.”
“That’s right! I’m glad to see that you see some sense, at least.”
Frieda gave me another look and started walking down the hall again, so I followed and she said, “... Y’know, I wouldn’t mind if you called me Tia.”
“Elletia.” I chuckled.
“Hmm…”
“What?”
“That’s actually a pretty name.” She commented airily, like she was giving it more thought than she probably had any reason to. “It’d be a perfect name for a little fledgling.”
“Maybe-”
“Can’t.” She said before I could actually hurt her unintentionally.
“Adopt, fool.” I snorted.
She gave me a look that turned into one of consideration. “... Maybe.. Never really thought about it. Plenty enough orphans who are just as fucked up as I am for it.”
I shrugged. “Word on the grapevine is that Schrade keeps turning down tail because he doesn’t want you to pass him by.”
Birdy-Cat clicked her beak twice. “He knows that I’ve been biding my time for Socrates to get out. He’s actually a little like you and Gauche put together, if you ever get the chance to meet him.”
It was chuckle-worthy “Sounds like a menace.”
“Nah, he’s a real sweetheart. Wouldn’t hurt a wasp if it stung him twenty times, but the guy can cook like you wouldn’t believe.”
“Ooh, housetrained!”
Tia hip-checked me with a little grin. “I just hope he hasn’t lost his touch after being locked up for a year. It’ll be good to see him again.”
“Let me guess; he’s the right kind of gentle?”
Frieda’s beak turned upward at the corners and her eyes gained a glossy look to them. “Yeah. Yeah he is.”
I giggled at that because Mari’s a faggot, but I was with a woman at the moment, so I cared less about maintaining my appearances since Frieda and I already seemed to be crossing into personal territory. “Well, if anyone tries to get in your way, they’ll have to deal with me, sister. I gotcher back.”
She laughed at that and we bullshitted around for a few more minutes until we got to our briefing rooms. We had to split up since we were on separate Ops, but I didn’t have long to up and not talk to people since Maud located me as soon as I stepped into the conference-style room. Kerrick and a few others were in there already, but Maud took me outside so we could have a little chat.
“You are Gauche’s soulmate,” she said plainly, like her voice was a salt flat and there was no life to be seen in any direction.
“Yeeeah, not really my choice on that one. Blame the Shell, not the guy in it.” I replied uneasily.
Maud didn’t blink. “Gauche is mine.”
“Garrison is yours.”
“I don’t think you understand-”
“I have three girlfriends and I’m not gay. I want to sleep with women.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, uh, ya might wanna worry more about Garyboi tryna fuck me over me fuckin’ him. I don’t even like touchin’ my damn equipment, Maud, and I don’t want anyone else touchin’ me either right now. And Garrison? Muhfucker’s on the top of the list of muhfuckers I don’t want touchin’ me.”
She raised her hands. “I apologize for-”
“And the fuck makes you think that a guy who was born a guy would wanna fuck another guy he didn’t like that much in the first place!? I mean, shit, fuck that shit! I don’t wanna fuck a dick on some gay shit like some faggot-ass fruit fairy-ass twinkie nigga! Like, the fuck-”
“Jay-”
“Fuckin’ bullshit-ass Black Magickin’-ass muhfuckin’-ass-”
“Jameson-”
“Don’t fuckin’ call me that! Do I look like a fuckin’ Jameson to you, bitch!? Jameson I knew didn’t have no ginga-ass hair, wasn’t no titty-havin nigga! Muhfuckah ain’t had no fuckin’ tiddies since fuckin’ puberty and now this fuckin’ weird-ass freaky-ass vagina-havin’-ass-”
Maud slapped my shit. “Calm down.”
“Ow.”
“Are you calm?”
I rubbed my face. “I have impact dampeners and that shit still hurt.”
“You were getting on my nerves.”
“I’d fuck you up if I hadn’t been in the middle of a panic attack, so thanks, I guess.”
“I will slap you softly next time. Or lick you. Licking works for Garrison.”
“Just hit me next time. I don’t want slobber on my face unless it’s Fluttershy’s.”
Maud nodded. “I see. I apologize for stressing you out further before a mission. You do not need the worries of romance when I do not want you to die.”
“Goddamn.”
She shrugged. “It is as it will be. I will keep you alive so long as you keep your hands off of my Stallion.”
“No problem,” I replied, already thinking of letting Okthus have her after I became God.
{I’ll shoot you.}
I said I was thinking of it, not planning on it. There’s a difference, you know?
[Just get on with it!]
Fair enough. So Maud and I came back into the conference room, and since we were technically the last ones to arrive, we got chewed out and I snitched Maud out to Kerrick for the simple fact that she’d let a matter of the heart get in the way of a mission, which was foolish. Kerrick promised to have words with her later, but Maud didn’t seem to care, and everyone in the room knew that Maud and I were the only ones who would walk out in a real brawl, so his words were taken with a grain of salt and the meeting was commenced posthaste.
“Ears sharp and mouths shut. This is the most important mission Bite-Back Minosia’s ever had on record, and right now it’s looking like this is the best chance we’ll have at getting the fire started. Now the plan isn’t exactly complicated. Maud, being our Lady, shall approach Herodotus and garner his attention long enough for one of our snipers to line up a shot-” My hand went up. “Madam?”
“Call me Madam again and I’ll geld you, but anyway, why don't you just let me summon a Demon and have him take care of business? It’s not slave labor if he likes doing his job.”
I got some stares for that, but it really was the most efficient idea until Kerrick said, “The Iron Crown’s home is warded against all manners of spirits and Djinni. If you’re just going to summon a Demon from Tartarus, then you’re feather-headed.”
“Tch, you’ve never seen a real Twelve-Twelve. Your little ‘Tartaric Demons’ aren’t even Demons most of the time, Kerrick. Satyrs, Centaurs, Rams, Wolves, Panthers, and Crocs barely even have Magic. Well, Satyrs have a little, but it’s for nature, like growing berry bushes and shit. Honestly, take a trip to Tartarus sometime with a bouquet of flowers in one hand and empty air in the other and you oughta be fuckin’ welcomed. Most of the sumbitches down there are more afraid of the undead and Equestrians than you guys are of them.”
I earned even more stares for that, but Kerrick was a smart, goal-oriented man. “Can you control this Demon of yours?”
“My whim is his law.”
“Need me a man like that.” I heard some dumb cunt mutter.
“I can show him to you if you like.” I said pleasantly.
“I don’t think that’s necessary.” Kerrick replied. “I trust you to do as you need to, just make sure to keep the Bite-Back casualties to a minimum.”
“I think it’s necessary.” One of Maud’s guards barked. “Let’s see what we’re working with before we get surprised.”
“Point to the Bitch over there.” I gestured toward her while looking at Kerrick.
He shrugged. “Go for it.”
I smiled and stuck my fingers in my mouth before whistling for Okthus. Thankfully he wasn’t terribly busy at the moment, or otherwise I probably would have been outright killed for employing him. As it was, when he showed up with the Arkaidite Twilight’s lower half and precious little else as he bounced it up and down along his razor-wire covered shaft. “Okthus was cumming!”
“Okthus, say hi to the nice people.”
He ripped the mangled corpse off of his dick and waved like an upset child. “Hi.”
I swept a hand toward him. “He kill real good.” A snap of my fingers sent him away. Arkaidite Twilight’s legs were still on the conference table directly in front of Maud. She stared at the bloody, gouged hole where Okthus had been busy since he’d thrown it like I’d instructed him to. Her face remained flat, but she did grow a few shades paler. Considerably, actually. “You okay over there, Maud? I know it’s grisly, but he’s a real sweetheart once you get to own him.”
“Don’t you mean ‘know’?” She monotoned, turning toward me.
“Nnnope.” I winked at her and pointed at the legs and cunt on the table. “He’s probably known her for a few millennia at this point, but that’s what happens when you piss me off bad enough.”
Pale turned white and Maud seemed like she might be ill at any moment, so I got Kerrick to start going over the finer details while Maud was in shock. I mean, I made my Furies come back and clean up Okthus’ mess, but they scared her too, which was great. It probably didn’t help that the whole room smelled like blood, semen, and despair now, but it’s not like we had to stay in there. On the contrary, we took our meeting to the hall outside and started hammering out the nitty gritty bits. Maud, our guards, and I would be arriving at the castle through the front gates in a decent enough looking carriage that also doubled as a viable tool for smuggling weapons. From there, we’d mix and mingle until we came within earshot of Herodotus and that’s when we’d strike. Or rather, that’s when I’d summon Okthus and tell him to keep himself invisible so he could drag Herodotus off silently into the night.
The plan seemed solid and there weren’t any details that seemed to be missing. Extraction would happen naturally, whether we were allowed to leave as we came or if we were going to have to be searched to enter and exit. No one was technically bringing any weapons with them, though I was bringing my ‘handbag’, which was how I carried all of my weapons anyway. My hair wasn’t thick enough to Hammerspace like Pinkie, and I wasn’t allowed to wear a cool jacket or anything since I wasn’t supposed to be going in as a lady-in-waiting. However, the Bitches got to rock some awesome black jackets with purple stripes on the left breast pocket that seemed both fashionable and functional.
In the interim period between preparation and departing, Garrison and I had our little talk, and with that out of the way-
[Wait, you’re not going to mention any of how you felt about it!?]
I’m not repeating everything he fucking said, Vivi.
Fine. Knowing that Garrison, A veteran of missions like the ones we were actually going on, was still nervous before action actually helped me calm my nerves a little bit. It was as if we could fight side by side from across town, and I wanted to tell him that I was gonna come for his ass as soon as I could, but that shit was gay and so it missed me entirely. However, after our little private pep talk, Garrison felt like less of a guy who was after my ass and more like just another friend. Instead of wanting to be inside me, he seemed like he wanted to be beside me, and that made me feel good inside. I preferred having allies over suitors any day, and knowing that Garrison was one of the strongest allies with the best connex arounds (Not the shitty train thing) was like having another Bunker Buster on my hip that I didn’t have to use Blood Magic to fire so I wouldn’t break my own hand.
60. Cal, Man. Shit doth hurt.
Anyway, was that a good enough explanation of how I felt about our little chat? Yes? ‘Kay then, let’s move on. The carriage ride to the castle was long, bumpy and awful. Mostly because the Bitches were yapping the entire time and Maud seemed to have her head in the clouds every few minutes. I was honestly beginning to fear for the mission by the time the castle came in sight since Maud couldn’t seem to get a grip, and I wondered if scaring the focal point of the mission with pain of eternal rape had been a bad idea. I mean, I could do the mission myself, but I knew that Maud was probably going to tell Garrison, and I didn’t want him to be mad at me because Mari’s a faggot. I didn’t like what was going on, and I was starting to get a bad feeling from the castle, but I attributed that to the Black Magicks that were ingrained into the very soil around the damn thing.
Seriously, the hulking monstrosity that was the Ironclad Castle was just… Daunting. Daunting is a good word. The outer walls were at least ten times taller than the Minotaurs guarding them, and the walls of the castle itself seemed to be made straight out of a mountain. The blackish, malevolent looking structure loomed in the flickering lights that appeared in its windows and the few that decorated its walls, making me feel as though I was about to set foot into the most obvious trap I’d ever seen. There was nothing but negativity coming off of the place in waves to the point where the Bitches bailed and Maud and I were the only ones left in the carriage. After a hard gulp, I looked back to the plain gray walls and the menacing looking guards that stood just about fucking everywhere, wondering if that was the night I was slated to die so I could come back to life and fulfil that part of the trial.
“Jay…” Maud said softly.
“I got your back, Maud. You’ll be seeing Garrison by the morning.” I oathed, my tone sharp.
“... You ordered your Demon to show me that sight, did you not?”
I finally peeled my eyes off of their target and looked at Maud anxiously. “No one likes threats. Especially when it’s based on something you’re already sensitive about.”
She hesitated to ask her next question, which I understood completely. “Do you love Gauche?”
“Not like you do. I love him because I’m being forced to, and we both resent each other because of that.”
Maud looked out her own window and let out a heavy breath. “Little have I loved in this life. You must understand that I will fight to keep what or who is mine.”
“You don’t understand how hard I’m fighting to stay away from Garrison.” I replied, fed up with her shit. “If you don’t get that I am sickened by his existence in my presence, then you don’t get how I feel about Garrison.”
She nodded a few times. “You would rather die than feel as though you are the one submitting through coitus.”
“I’ve been raped before and it’s not happening again.” I growled, looking away from her.
“... A shame. I apologize for my insensitivity.”
“We’re both just stressed right now, Maud. You wanna keep your man, I don’t want him in the first place: we could both use a drink.”
“Agreed.” She nodded again.
The rest of the trip was carried on in silence until our driver let us know that we were at the place we were supposed to get the fuck out at. I tipped him with a piece of chocolate creme pie from my handbag, because apparently it’s not a purse, and we were on our way while the Minotaur guy just threw the treat into his mouth and ate it whole. I should have put some kind of viagra-type thing it so he could have himself some fun whenever he got home, but some people just aren’t into that kinda party, and I totally respek dat.
On our way up to the Castle Gates, we were stopped by some Minotaur guards who wanted to check Maud’s invitation, which was normal enough since they were doing it for every few people anyway. When she presented it to them, however, the one who read it chuckled and asked if she was ready for ‘A show that’ll flip your world upside down!’. We exchanged a look and asked the Minotaur about whatever it was he was referencing, but the fellow got awfully tight lipped all of a sudden and just smiled as he waved us in. The foreshadowing was strong with this one, and I didn’t like the fact that Maud seemed to take the news as it came instead of the oddness ringing any kind of alarm bells in her head at all. I mean, seriously!? The show of a ‘lifetime’!? If the guards hadn’t have been so sketchy, I might’ve thought that it was going to be a simpler mission than it had been dumbed down. I’ve since used this exact situation as a reference to tell muhfuckers to pay. Attention.
Maud lead the way into the foreboding-ass castle because the shit was still pretty dark and shadowy from the inside, though it wasn't not because I was losing it a little. I saw from the walls that the building must have actually been carved from a massive fucking monolith, because I couldn’t see any seams in the walls at all, and none of the columns in the place had to be stacked. That in and of itself was weird, but as we followed the rest of the crowd that was arriving around the same time we were, we picked up a few interesting characters to have a conversation with. The main one who spoke was a Hippogriff named Rhosia, who was a sweet woman to say the least. She had plenty of compliments to share and offered to be the first to go get drinks for our little cadre of four women, but I, as a ‘lady-in-waiting’, was obligated to go in her stead.
Rhosia didn’t really give a fuck and came along with me anyway since reasons, I guess. “So how are you liking the festivities so far, Carnation?” She asked, using the name I’d given her. Maud was Ametrine, for the record.
“Ah, I’m still waiting for whatever this extra special surprise is supposed to be, honestly. I can’t say that I’m terribly fond of them.”
“Oh, don’t tell me you’re one of those control freak types, Carny!”
I gave her a look. “I was an Artificer’s apprentice before my master passed and I needed to find a new career. Details and information are two of my favorite things, and not having them frustrates me.”
Her beak curved into a little smile as we grabbed some drinks from a passing waiter and started to head back to where we’d left Maud and Rhosia’s attendant, Jourdain. “We~ll maybe if you were connected to some in-the-know people that happen to have helped organize the event, you might have a clue~”
“Well I know you, don’t I, dear Rosy?”
She tittered and chirped. “Oh, but you do! I won’t spoil the fun for you, but I will say that it’s a tradition that the Wyld Lyres passed down to a clan of Sepestians they fought with hundreds of years ago that eventually brought it here.”
“Wyld Lyres? The psycho Cats over in The Great Sands?”
Rhosia bobbed her head up and down dutifully. “You’re definitely in for a treat! It might be a Lyre specialty, but it’s a Minosian delicacy that can’t be missed! The Minotaurs really do have a flair for the theatrics.”
I gave her a small smile, remembering her florid dress and ashy grey feathers. “So you’ve imbibed before? You’ll have to let Lady Ametrine and I accompany you, then.”
“Oh, it really is better to have a mix of new friends and old around! I’d be delighted if you two would join us!”
“Of course we’ll have to ask Lady Ametrine, but I think we can corner her easily enough.”
Hippobitch gave me a look that was far too mischievous for me to have any kind of decent feeling about. “We could probably request that she be worked into the show, if you like. She seems awfully… Curt, shall we say. No one needs a droll Pony, of all creatures, to ruin the fun from the viewer’s box.”
The little conspicuous wink I gave her must have made her heart go wild because her face fell like I’d just killed her puppy when I said, “Maybe next time. For the time being, my Mistress is still kind at home, she just struggles in public.”
She sighed and looked back to Jourdain, a smiley, lanky Pegasus Mare that had been hitting on Maud before we left. “Shame. I just hope no one picks Jourdain or yourself to be thrown into the games. It really is a physical challenge.”
“If I can pull a rabbit from a hat, I can pull myself from a hairy situation.” I chuckled.
Rhosia gave me a demure smile. “If only, if only the woodpecker sighed~”
I felt the blood drain from my face as icy cold fear gripped my heart. “... The bark on the tree was a little bit softer.”
Her expression shifted to one of surprise. “Oh, so you know of the ceremony!”
“I only know the song.” I replied, masking my panic with indifference. I’d done it plenty of times with a much scarier being in a life that seemed far, far away at the present moment.
“Really? Where did you hear it from?”
“The woman who killed my Master sang it to me as she raped me.”
“... Oh.”
I shrugged at the ‘lie’. “It’s in the past. Here’s hoping that I’m over it.”
“R-Right.” She giggled awkwardly, the conversation ending until we reached the others.
For a good hour or so, we just rubbed elbows with some of Minosia and Serpest’s elites while dodging anymore questions about the ceremony, answering that we were excited to not be an active part of it rather than say anything other than that. I doubted that Maud had picked up on the ominous nature of the ball, but when our target himself called for everyone’s attention, the dance floor was cleared of any tables, chairs, or refuse that someone had carelessly tossed onto the ground. Afterwords, a Dog and a Cat, both in shackles, were brought to the center of the room. Each of them had a long rod and used said rods to draw a shitty but effective Rune Circle, locking both of them in. The Dog grabbed the Cat desperately and held it to it’s chest like it was trying to protect it, turning away from the center of the circle moments before it ignited and the crowd chanted:
“Oddy Doddy Oldy Moldy”
“Oddy Doddy Oldy Moldy”
“Gingah tinklefaewie singwa”
I’d heard it all before. Hell, ever since I actually lost my mind, I never stopped hearing it. Oddy doddy oldy moldy gingah faewie tingwa. Not singwa. NEVER SINGWA!
{Neversingwaneversingwaneversingwa-}
[... Um…]
Woo-sah… Wooooo-saaah.
...
{You- You never told me…}
I never wanted to.
[As little as I want to hear about why your crazy talk being said wrong was a bad thing-]
The moment the chant finished, the Dog howled as its skull inverted on itself and the flesh and fur of its back rotted and flew into the warbling, sickly green light that was spilling forth from the center of the rune circle. Little by little, as the Dog howled and howled until it’s lungs were ripped out of it through its back, the light grew brighter and brighter, lightening to a dehydrated-piss kind of yellow that made me grip for Maud’s hand and squeeze for all I was worth. I’d seen the light before. I didn’t know what it did, but somewhere in the shattered remnants of my mind that I pieced together so I could get by on a day to day basis, I knew I’d seen that tainted light somewhere.
The Dog finally died when the Light grew a slightly ruddy ting to it, leaving the cat with a dessicated corpse clinging to him. He pounded against the barrier of the Rune Circle, tears streaming down his face until one of his blows broke his forearm at the mid-point, which was illogical. Sadly, when he got up to panic more properly, his legs broke underneath the combined weight of he and the Dog, leaving him screaming while the crowd roared. Then, because sickness knows no limits, Minotaurs started grabbing random bystanders from the crowd, usually Ponies, and throwing them straight into the center of the ballroom one at a time. A crowd of people ran once they saw the first Pony that was thrown in rip her own face off and eat her fingers along with it, but there were far, far more that stood and roared their approval, and they were out for the blood of the innocent. Maud and I stood back to back, glaring death and destruction at any who dared to step near us until one dumb fuck decided to grab me instead of Rhosia or Jourdain. Maud broke his leg with a sliding kick and I flooded some magic into one of the Strength Runes on the top of my feet and redirected the Mana into my arms so I could throw my would-be attacker into the Hellhole he’d intended to send me into.
Maud and I got some space after that because what happened to the Minotaur? I got to decide. I remembered where I’d seen the pissy little light before. It was literally the color of pure insanity. I’d seen it every time I glimpsed through the past or future, seen it in a couple Pinkies, watching it dance in Kauku’s eyes. In that moment, I realized that it wasn’t evil that made madmen strong. It wasn’t the Black Magicks. No, it was pure. Insanity. All you had to do was be crazy enough to tap into the mind-warping well that was the Endless-Formless, which you could do for just a single moment while still sane by forcing a Dog and a Cat specifically to draw their Race’s original sigils over each other in tandem, thus sacrificing both of them. The trick was to make them love each other in some way since obvious fucking reasons.
My blood boiled. Red was gray and the world was nothing but black and white. I saw innocence and I saw evil. I saw fear and I saw glee. I saw disgust and I saw euphoria. Against my dentists orders and my own better judgement, I ground my teeth together as I trembled, the iron in my veins full of ire from Ireland that was rolled down a hill in a burning tire that set a fire in my heart, clocking me out for one. Single. Zepto. Second.
It was all I needed to do to fuck it all up.
”CAIN!”
My bellow hurt my throat and not much else as I snatched my Glock 20 and spare .44 (Her name is Rosie O’Connell) out of my handbag since Ladesa had Jerry with her when she got caught. “Maud, get the fuck outta here.” I snarled, barely keeping myself from killing her since she was so fucking dark grey. I sensed her about to object, but having the barrel of a gun in her face before she could even open her mouth and having the hammer cock before she could raise a brow made her raise her chin and run toward the crowd of people that had headed for the main doors.
My awareness was cast into the entirety of the castle: every little tremor, I felt and recognized. I’m sure that my violent tremors and hostile posture was deterrent enough, but then the Prince of fucking Hell came to call, and there wasn’t a single fuckin’ bitch-ass lil’ circle those dumb fucks coulda came up with to contain him. I’d hesitated to call on Cain before, but when Lujei had become a clearer threat… Well, that’s when Grogar died, i-fucking-ronically enough. Before we could bind Cain to me and make me the most dangerous thing that’s breathed air since Cain himself, Lujei did something or other to fuck Grogar over and make him blow his Cairn.
I wasn’t aware that I could be so… Gone. I was me, but I lived in every body that surrounded me too. The blackness that grew from the only color that still emanated in the room, the sickly yellow ball of light. As the blackness grew, so did my control until I felt another Blood Mage rival my strength, then surpass it. Cain wasn’t quite done getting over the fact that I’d just called his name like he was a dog that shit on my floor, but I was quite over the fact that the people I’d been enslaving to death weren’t, y’know, deathed to deadedness. Thus, a brotha did what a brotha lusted after and started aiming low on every male and aiming for the womb on every female. I figured the ten milli would be fine to perma-bust some nuts, but I didn’t want to take a chance on any of the rotten cunts in the crowd sewing their baby-bag back up so they could spill out another one of their kind, so I used the .44 for them.
Aiming was pointless. I didn’t even have real ammo in the guns. Only a jackass carries his shit loaded at all times, though I probably should have loaded them since I was going into a fight. Fuckin’- Point being is that I was firing ‘empty’ guns by tapping the Endless-Formless they’d summoned and digging into past bullets that had been fired, ejected, and subsequently replaced by friends of theirs. I didn’t need to actually look at where I was shooting most of the time because my brain was their brain. While I didn’t have complete control over them, I could still jerk one of them hard enough to fly into the path of the next bullet or just outright will the fucker to bend.
Now don’t misunderstand: I didn’t know I could do this shit. Even in my original form, I had no idea I could do any of it. Of course I knew how to shoot with both hands, but I didn’t actually know how to control my eyes individually so that I could keep both sets of sights lined up at all times. I knew I could eventually master Body Control through Blood Magic if I ‘souled’ out-
{Fucking stop.}
I’m not sorry. In any case, I was aware of the fact that I could probably get the art down, but it’d never been something I’d wanted to do, which is why I had zero chance at maintaining control of over fifty people against an experienced Necrotic Mage. However, I did have INFINITE. AMMU-NITION. and the willingness to use it to thin down the herd until my bullets started impacting a Shade Shield, which was another high-level piece of Magic that I shouldn’t have been surprised that the King of all people would have. For the first time, I actually got a good look at Herodotus, and I don’t mean that I just got a better, closer view of him. No, I saw that he was a Lich with a Fed Heart, which explained why Grey Grotto was cursed, since ‘feeding’ souls to his Necrotic Heart to further his Black Magic parasite. He’d probably put the curse up in the first place to set up a Schadenfreude Siphon of some sort, but it didn’t really matter in the moment. Neither of us had much time to appreciate our challenger as Cain finally made his presence known via meeting the Mintoaur I’d tossed his way. All he did was look at him, not even do shit, and the motherfucker burst into flames that radiated a feeling unlike heat or chill, but something far, far more painful to the touch. Between the screams of the wounded, those I’d allowed to live, and the Minotaur who was mooing for his father to help him loudest of all, Herodotus and I had to wait to exchange words.
Taking my eyes off of Herodotus was suicide, but then again, not watching the guy who killed his own brother because his present was better than his own was dumb too. However, Herodotus didn’t fuckin’ dare make a move, regardless of whether or not I was going to do shit. Cain had the floor the moment he asked, “So which of you summoned me again?”
It didn't hurt that people started dying when he started talking.
Herodotus pointed at me and I raised a hand. “Yeh’.”
“... Brave little whore, aren’t you?” He asked, his voice smoother than a rip from a vaporizer and trillions of times more potent. The accent was hard to place, but was definitely arrogant to say the least. Even Max at the pinnacle of his bullshit didn’t carry the raw undertones of condescension and disdain Cain managed. “You know I hear you if you just whisper, right?”
“Nah.”
“Are you even going to look at me?”
“Imma kill this guy. You wanna get in on this?”
“I kill people for a living. Well, torture, but semantics.”
“Wanna murk the biggest threat to the Twelve-Twelve?”
“You know you’re lucky I’m warding us, right? She’d kill you for that in about seventeen hundred years.”
“Is that a no?”
“She’s my consort. That pussy is damnable.”
A part of my memory actually got deleted since I derped out and headed into the Void before getting blasted into a place that was rather white, cold, and devoid of anything. I should have known what that place was, but I didn’t, still don’t, and don’t really wanna find out what lives out there, just in case it’s killier than me. However, I came back to Cain saying, “-later. We’ll talk if you live through this one.”
“I missed a lot of that, but I heard ‘We’ll talk’, and that’s all I need to know.” I said viciously.
“You’re a real doll, you know that?” He deadpanned.
“I can feel your evil on my ass.”
“Soon enough you’ll feel it in it.” Cain chuckled darkly. “That is, if you’re still willing to bargain.”
I snorted. “Shit, I know bitches ‘done sold they first time for a rock. I could do worse, depending on perspective.”
“I love your optimism. I really do.” He sighed.
His aura coated my back as he came closer to me, making my miniscule amount of body hair stand on end as he laced a skeletal arm around me. Before my very eyes, his fingers grew muscle, sinew, and flesh until he was whole once more. “Nice trick.”
“Little more than a trick, but I’ll take the compliment. Until next time, Mari Jayne.”
“I hate that I like that.”
“Are you going to use it?”
“Don’t rape me and I swear on my ass I’ll tell people to start calling me that shit.”
“It’s not like rape was my sin, but okay. Deal.” I heard him lick his hand before he slapped it to my neck.
Okay, so I’ve mentioned that I cut runes into my skin and brand Rune Circles in for convenience, but it’s not like it doesn't hurt. It does, I just don’t care that much since I’ve always had a decent pain tolerance and I tend to do the shit while blazed anyway, so painkiller. However, Cain’s pimp hand was strong, and he did mark me as one of his bitches, which had me nearly blacking out, though I dropped to my knees anyway. “Uurhk!”
“Took it better than Luu.” He snorted. “If you die soon, I actually will rape you now. Just because you accused me of wanting to do it in the first place.”
“How soon is soon?” I grunted.
“You’ll find out if it’s too soon.” Cain patted my back and his aura took it time in dissipating out of the air, but the Endless-Formless was still going strong, and now Herodotus was trying to tap it.
Sadly, while he may have (Probably) been an Elder Lich, he wasn’t Super Sane. As he tried to bend Insanity itself to his will, I cupped her ass, nibbled on her ear and asked her if she was down to lezz out for a couple hours. Insanity picked the sexier of the two of us and I stowed my new, shrunken little trinket in my purse because that shit needed to be contained as soon as possible, and my ‘handbag’, as I should have called it, was a gift from Diane. If anything could keep it from lashing out and fucking things up, then it was going to be a gift from a Pinkie, even if she was retired. With that battle over, Herodotus started trying to raise the people that Cain’s aura had killed, which even included a few unlucky folks from the group that were still trying to get out.
Now, Grogar specialized in Alchemy and Alchehestry, which are both branches of Alchology. Think of it as chemistry and biochemistry, basically. Necromancy is technically the superior art when it comes to extremely fine details of Biological Magicks, but Alchehestry is rather versatile, and I knew a lot more Alchehestry than I did Necromancy. While Herodotus seized their Animas through raw force, I pulled on my pretty little gloves, did a little clap for a quick prayer, and slammed my hand to the ground as quick as I could, only staying there for but a couple of seconds before the dead reanimated with their Vettel, which earned me some trouble for my troubles, if you catch my drift. While the Anima/soul is where life lies in a person, the Vettel is where the thoughts of a person go.
It kinda looked like I’d fucked myself for a second before I realized that I’d just injected a fair amount of Magic into those corpses, meaning that I was going to have at least a little control over them, but my main goal was to get a circle set up. Hell, I’m a fucking Mage, after all, and it’s not like anything I had shy of the Bunker Buster would be able to crack Herodotus’ skull, so I did what I do because a brotha do what he do, ya dig?
[No.]
{Is that another one of your ebonics things?}
Yeah, but what a brotha had to do was hatch a plan. It didn’t even take me four heartbeats to have something solid set up, so I loaded my guns and called out to the King. “Hey there, any chance you wanna get the fuck out of this country and take this shitty curse with you?”
“Ha! Why would I leave my homelands when I rule as the Solar and Lunar Diarchs do!? I am the King, you pitiful little woman, and you will kneel before me as all-” I shot him in the knee. “BUCK!”
“I used to be an asshole like you, but then I took a four-four to the knee. Wanna know if it happened twice or nah?” I growled.
“And why did I expect a woman to know anything of an honorable fight?” The king groaned like a little bitch.
“Aw Dude, I’m not even a chick and that’s just dirty.” I shot at his other knee, but Shade Shield.
“Then you’re the most annoyingly feminine man I’ve ever met, and I’m going to enjoy watching my daughter's treat you like meat.” He thundered, getting back up to his hooves with fewer problems than I would’ve liked.
I stowed my Glock because I only used hollow-points with it, and just damaging this guy wasn’t going to do shit. The Bunker Buster in all his glory came out to play and I pointed him at Herodotus. “Last chance to pack it up, incestuous creep.”
“Arrogance does not befit the weak.”
“Feeling’s mutual.”
Bracing myself, I prepared as best I could by activating two of my Impact Dampeners, but even then the kick from my B.B. was brutal to say the least. I’ve shot a Desert Eagle, but I’ve never had my hands on one of the real monsters that lie hidden in the research part of the pistol world. Y’know, then I fuckin’ made one. While I call it a 60. Cal, it’s actually more like a .600, which you’d only know the difference if you knew guns. Either fucking way, my hand cannon fractured my thumb and index finger on my shooting hand because I didn’t use enough of the dampeners, but Herodotus’ howl of pain was worth it.
Then I saw that I’d blown off a large portion of his arm and that was about it. I thought it was funny that it was the same arm that was aching on me, but I doubted that Herodotus would have agreed. It’s not like he cared about me other than possibly feeding me to his own personal pigs, so I offered him the same kindness and grabbed my portable ATD from my bra for a quick Healing Rune. It was simple and easy, but the time I’d spent standing still was time Herryboi spent charging after my ass like the mad bull he was before he started flinging bolts of raw Black Magic at me. Grogar had told me that Liches could store and utilize their own specific kind of Black Magic, so I wasn’t fond of the idea of getting hit by whatever he was throwing, just in case it was tougher than a frilly dress.
Luckily there was a belt on my stupid, dumb fucking dress so I could holster B.B and draw my Glock again, but raining bullets on Herodotus did me no favors. For every one that managed to slip through the cracks in his super-edgy shield, another ricoheted and became a danger to me, but a plan was a plan and the plan was still going pretty damn decently until the giant fuckwad sent four spikes made of either bone or some form of stone at me and got me with three of them in one go, two of the wounds being somewhat severe. The laceration on my upper arm was immediately detected by the First Response Rune Circle I had carved into my side and the bleeding was stemmed soon enough, but it fuckin’. Hurt. I was effectively killing off my nerves so that I could regrow them later with Magic, but still continue on with the fight. I hadn’t expected to ever actually need a rune like it since I generally handle my problems without too much bullshit, but Herodotus?
This guy… He was the first boss, and he was fucking worthy. Max could have taken him out no problem when he had Dark Magic because Max was just that fuckin’ hardcore, but me? I street fight, and even then I carried a fuckin’ knife because I wasn’t good at it. Yeah, I could kinda outbox Ty if he was either drunk, pissed, or piss drunk, but not a fucking Minotaur. A physical fight was out of the question, as was obvious by the fact that I’d done no lasting damage to him over the course of about three hundred rounds other than what I’d done with the Bunker Buster. However, I needed him to stand still. If I could make him stop moving just long enough to translocate behind him, his ass would’ve been mine a hot minute ago. The frustrating part was that none of the Demons I had on call would fuck with him because he was both stronger than me and more evil than me, so I was pretty much just boned as far as that went.
As it was, I still had to enact the plan, the few shots that I was landing hitting their mark perfectly. All I needed was a lucky break to seal the deal and King Homocuckass was going to be six feet deep with no way of scrambling his ass back out of the hole, even if he was taller than the hole. I would dig a deeper hole just for him. Be that as it may, my willingness to dig said hole took a severe hit when Herodotus finally managed to get within arm’s reach of me. The gust of his punch alone rocked my balance, but the uppercut I barely managed to sway back from still sent me flying across the room, making me slam into one of the marvelous minarets that I’d taken for granted earlier.
Just kidding; fuck columns.
Once the column I actually cared about let me move, I got up and faced the guy who was probably gonna make sure I didn’t get that lucky break. “Did you feel that one, Bull-Heifer?”
I grimaced as I limbered up, glaring daggers at the son of a bitch who’d probably tortured a number of people worthy of recognition by Lujei. “Yeah, better than your whore of a wife felt your little carrot.”
Herodotus got a chuckle out of that one. “Ah, it’ll pain me to ruin such a unique little face, but that sharp tongue of yours needs to be dulled, and you can’t fit my girth into your pathetic little shit-spitter.”
“It’d be like a trip to the dentist. Only feel a little prick.”
“Ah, how I missed bantering with worthy foes! Tell me, what is your name, mortal?”
“Jay-ne. Mari Jayne.” I said slowly, almost going back on my end of the deal, which probably would have gotten me raped. I hoped that remembering the new name would prevent me from getting raped in the next ten minutes since I was pre-tty sure that I’d only bought Maud and the innocents enough time to get out. Granted, I still had plenty of Magic, but Herodotus had me where he wanted me.
“Mari Jayne, then. Bask in the presence of Hades, true King of Cragspire!” He spread his arms wide, his shield giving me another shot. “That’s just rude at this point.”
“Hey, win some, lose some. I’d like to say it’s nice ta meetcha, Had-ease, but you’re dying here soon.”
“Can’t kill what’s already dead, fool.” He snorted.
“Ah, well. Thought some bravado would help.” I glanced toward the door.
Dick Cheese picked up on it. “Ah, thinking of running, are we?”
“It’s an option.”
“Oh, but how it’s not.” Herodotus chuckled menacingly. “In any case, you’ve done well to get to this point, Heifer! It’s been years since a mortal has pushed me this far!” Dumbass proclaimed. “From this day forth, Mari Jayne shall be known throughout Minosia as my toughest challenger yet!”
“Dream on, Cocksnot. Fight ain’t over.” I scoffed. I did not growl, I scoffed. I was being disdainful, not aggressive.
{Well, thank you for letting me tell the story anyway.}
No problem. Anyway, then, as you know, Herodotus said, “Ha! Your little runes and spells might have carried you to this point, but I’ve yet to take a true blow from you and you’re nearly out of Magic! What hope could you possibly have!?” He started Villain Laughing and I breathed the biggest sigh of relief that I could have because he was jinxing himself for me.
A flaming green arrow flew from up near the ceiling, hitting Herodotus on the side of the head. It started spreading, but before it took his head over completely, the enchanting fire turned black and snuffing itself out. The King and I looked up at Garrison and saw him wave. “So you’re hard to kill.”
“Who in the horns are you?” Herodotus inquired foolishly, forgetting about the guy who’d been giving him trouble the entire time for the new guy who’d just launched an ineffective surprise attack.
I translocated and didn’t technically hear an answer, but I still knew when to show back up. The moment I felt the king’s attention fully go to Garrison, I stepped out of the Aether and loaded the Bunker Buster, hurrying to get the job done. My baby can only hold three people-exterminators at a time, but that’s all she ever needs. Blowing two holes big enough to fit both of my Goddamned arms through wasn’t good enough to make ol’ bitch stay down, yadda yadda yadda-
[Oh come on! You didn’t even explain your plan that didn’t even work!]
That? The plan was to set up a rune circle in Herodotus’ body that would continually slow him down over the course of the fight. The last bullet I hit him with sealed the circle. That’s why I said he’d be dying soon. I mean, the Gore-Nuke was probably excessive when I could’ve just shot him in the head, but he taunted me about my circles. I like my circles.
[... Okay, but are you going to go on about what happened after you blew the door up?]
...
{Next time?}
Next time.
