//------------------------------// // Season 7 // Story: Starlight Glimmer Fixes Everything // by Shakespearicles //------------------------------// 144. Celestial Advice There was a ripple of surprise as Starlight appeared in the middle of the ballroom. Mostly because Starlight was already in the ballroom, and most of the assembled guests were changelings and background ponies that weren’t used to it yet. “Hey, Discord!” she called cheerily. “Come over here a sec, will you?” Discord appeared directly behind her, a grin on his face. “Oh, I get it! One Starlight just wasn’t enough to go around. I do understand, it is hard to properly thank me for saving all of Equestria alone.” Starlight gave him a wicked smile. “Not quite.” Her horn lit up, and before Discord could react, a massive blast of energy smashed into him, blowing a hole in the wall behind him and continuing until Discord had vanished completely. Somewhere in the room, a cup shattered. Starlight grinned sheepishly. “Trust me, it’s easier this way.” 145. All Bottled Up Starlight smiled far wider than normal, more trying to convince herself everything was okay than convincing Trixie. Her thoughts were interrupted by... Herself... When she was flattened to the castle floor. “Hi again!” Starlight smiled to her past self, this smile actually real, not a facade she had thrown up. She popped up from the floor like a piece of popcorn, and started talking without sparing a moment. “Gotta be snappy on this one. You just 'graduated’ from being Twilight's student, I honestly expected better of, well, myself. Don't bottle up your feelings, friends are for talking to, they aren't ponies who don't annoy you, they're ponies worth forgiving over and over. So how about instead of pretending everything is okay, you actually talk to Trix!” Past Starlight sighed as she got up from the crystal floor, her head hung low in both exhaustion and shame. “You really don't sugarcoat it, do you?” “I'm you, when have we ever sugarcoated anything?” “... Good point. So is that it?” She raised and eyebrow, hoping it was so simple. Future Starlight's horn glowed, and the Friendship Map appeared in the air, falling and landing hard on the crystalline floor with a thunderous crash. She didn't even flinch. “You were missing that I believe. It was in the spa, in case you were wondering.” “Thanks... I think. What should I do with this?” The bottle containing Starlight's negatively charged magical energy floated from the saddlebag, and between the two Starlight's. Angry red swirled inside the small glass bottle, sparking aggressively. Future Starlight eyed the bottle, groaning at her own stupidity. “First of all, glass, really? If you're gonna bottle up your emotions don't do it in a breakable glass bottle you idiot. Second.” She slapped the bottle out of the air, letting it shatter on the floor to prove her first point. The swirling magic immediately flowed into her past self, disappearing without harming anypony else. “You're cleaning that up by the way, since that wouldn't happen with plastic.” Starlight hissed as she reabsorbed the angry magic, her eyes narrowing. “We're a real jerk, what in Tartarus was that for?!” A boop silenced any further anger. “You're cute when you're angry, now go tell Trixie how you actually feel instead of pulling off this stupidity.” Their ears both swiveled at the sound of hoofsteps belonging to a certain blue magician. “Starlight? Where are you? I thought you were right behind me!” “Remember, friends aren't perfect, but they're worth forgiving over and over. Let them know how you feel, otherwise your feelings build up and explode. Oh, and when you're done hugging and kissing or whatever, you two can share these.” Future Starlight disappeared, leaving a large bucket of cinnamon nuts in her place, just as Trixie rounded the corner. “There you are Starli-... are those cinnamon nuts?” Starlight growled and marched towards Trixie, about to lay into the mare harder than she ever had before. 146. A Flurry of Emotions A weary Cadence trudged her way through Ponyville, dutifully pushing a foal carriage before her and dragging a bedraggled Shining Armor behind her. “Come on, Shiny. We’re almost to Twilight’s castle. Just a little further.” She called back to her husband. He merely groaned face down in the dirt as he was scraped along. Flurry Heart burbled excitedly in her buggy. “Once we get there, we can unload Flurry on Twilight, then we can have some time to ourselves to relax at your friend Sword Poke’s art show,” Cadence droned, as if repeating for the umpteenth time. “Spearhead,” Shining moaned. “‘s name’s Spearhead.” “I don’t care if his name is Chopped Liver. He’s an excuse to have a break,” she sighed. There was a flash and suddenly a unicorn was standing in their path. “Let me stop you right there.” “Whoozat?” Shining wondered. “Uh‘ll prutegtyoo, hunnibunny.” “It’s just that mare, Starlight,” Cadence reassured him. “Cn’t see frum dunherr,” he whined back. “And how are the happy new parents doing today, eh?” chirped Starlight. “Thinking of ditching the rugrat with her aunt for the day without any notice?” Cadence frowned. “Twilight loves spending time with Flurry.” “Yeh.” Starlight nodded. “Oh, I know. So much so that she’ll put all else aside to do it. She wants to be the ‘cool aunt’.” She set her jaw. “But your sister is a Princess now too. She has a myriad of responsibilities she has to attend to every day. As a government official, as a community leader, as a national hero, and as an educator.” “Djyucator?” grumbled Shining. “Wait, scratch that one. Not yet,” Starlight grimaced. “Point is, she’s busier than the pair of you seem to be, and she can’t just drop everything at a moment’s notice when you show up out of the blue.” Cadence ruffled her wings in agitation. “Now listen here, Starlight. You can’t speak to me like that. I am a princess. I want to speak to y-” “Oh get in line,” Starlight cut her off. She rolled her eyes. “Why you didn’t just have Sunburst foalsit Flurry is beyond me. He IS the filly’s godfather.” Cadence cocked her head. “What father?” “Wuz ‘god’?” Starlight clamped down on the voices in her brain screaming ‘Deus vult!’. She shook her head. “Err, I mean her Crystaller. Never mind. You’re already here, so I’ve arranged for a foalsitter to take Flurry for the day.” “Thnkyuuuuu…” Cadence sighed. “Now we can go to Axe Wound’s show.” “Sprrhead.” Cadence’s eyes narrowed. “Wait. WHO is foalsitting?” The was a pop and a burst of confetti and suddenly Pinkie Pie stood before them. “Surpriiiiiise!” “Pinkie Pie?” Cadence asked in disbelief. “You want Pinkie Pie to take care of Flurry?” “Hey, I did a pretty dingdangdarn good job the last time back at your place, didn’t I?” Pinkie grinned. Starlight put a foreleg around the earth pony. “Don’t underestimate Pinkie. She’s a pro at this. She sits for the Cake twins all the time and they’re still alive!” “Babies love me!” Pinkie cheered. Cadence made a show of hemming and hawing. “Wellll… okay. I’ll allow it.” Starlight rolled her eyes. “Oh, don’t act like you’re doing us a favor. You were dying to unload her. Just get going. Pinkie has this.” She smiled at her pink friend. “Besides. What’s the worst she could do? It’s not like she’d spray industrial chemicals on an infant.” Shining snored into the dirt. 147. Rock Solid Friendship Pinkie was building to a full on freakout at the thought of her BSFF going to live in some boring canyon until she heard Maud say, “I'm giving Ponyville a chance.” She sighed in relief. “Phew! So all I have to do is prove Ponyville has better rocks than Ghastly Gorge? Challenge accepted.” Thwp! A faint whistling noise preceded a sharp sting on the back of her neck. “Ow! Okay, Mr. Mosquito, that wasn’t very nice to bite me. And you’re waaaay out of season too. Now let’s go see Flushershisher nd blergle narm….” Pinkie slurred as her eyes rolled back into her head and she collapsed like a pink sack of potatoes. Maud looked down at her, barely reacting. “Pinkie?” A periwinkle unicorn popped out of a nearby bush, carrying a blowgun in her magic. “Hi, Maud! Nice to meet you. I’m Starlight.” “What did you do to my sister?” Maud deadpanned. Starlight backed up a bit, eyes wide. “Whoooa, calm down, girl. Pinkie’s fine. I just had to dart her. She’ll sleep it off in a couple days.” Sure enough, there was a tiny pink dart sticking out of Pinkie’s neck. Starlight’s aura plucked it out before picking up the mare entirely. “Why?” Starlight waved a hoof. “Oh, you know Pinkie. She was gonna go overboard trying to get you to pick Ponyville and make this a whole thing. You know how she gets better than anypony.” “Yes. She’s my sister.” Starlight nodded. “Well, now you can get to know the town at your own pace without her hovering over you. You’ll become friends with me, and with Sunburst when he comes to visit. You’ll meet your coltfriend, Mudbriar. And of course, you’ll be near your sister.” Maud simply stared. Starlight continued. “Oh, and Ponyville has a decent cave system. There’s this beautiful subterranean grotto with some very interesting strata.” Maud’s ear flicked marginally. “Whoa, that got your attention!” Starlight smirked. She hefted Pinkie in her aura. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go put the ADHDemon to bed. Go and find me. ...Errr, present me. Not ME-me. I’m from the future and- you know what, forget it. It’s a whole thing. Take my card.” There was a flash and Starlight and Pinkie were gone. A sparkly business card fluttered to the ground in front of Maud. It read: Starlight Glimmer Magical Prodigy, Time Lord, Kite Enthusiast Castle of Friendship, Room 2B, Ponyville, Equestria “Improving the timeline for -10 subjective years” (Ask about our free pizza policy!) 148. Fluttershy Leans In It was midday when Starlight popped next to Fluttershy’s cottage, a flash of blue magic as usual announcing her appearance into the physical world. Of course, she picked a perfect time to go to this particular event. If she was correct, Fluttershy was currently coming home from the Ponyville veterinarian office. This meant she had a moment to get ready at Fluttershy’s door. Climbing through an open window, Starlight let herself into her friend’s home. The place was well-kept, with the usual pet and animal food or beds laying around. However, none of that was relevant to her. She needed to get ready for Fluttershy coming home so she could stop her from wasting time with the ‘experts’. Not a moment too soon, Fluttershy opened the door to her home, only to find none other than Starlight Glimmer standing next to the front door. This startled the pegasus, making her jump and gasp. “S-Starlight, what are you doing here?!” Fluttershy half-screamed. “Not important, Fluttershy. Just listen. I know you have an animal issue you want to solve. Did you call the others here?” Starlight asked. “Uh, yes, but how do you know that?” “Again, not important. Just realize I’m trying to help. They’re going to recommend some experts to help you with the project, but they’re not who you need.” Starlight addressed. “O-oh my… This is all a little much! How do you know all this?” “Well, just understand it involves some complicated time-altering magic. Anyhow, just ask our friends, and me, to help. I’ll be available later on. Don’t say anything about our talk here. Oh, and you should also ask Big Daddy McColt for some help!” “I’m not sure what to think about all this, Starlight… But, I suppose you may be right. That sounds like a good plan.” “It is! Just, uh, trust me on it, okay?” Starlight reassured Fluttershy that things would go smoothly. After that, Starlight left to find a place to take herself through time somewhere in the Everfree Forest, leaving Fluttershy to take the path she wanted all along without having to spend time with the ‘experts’ in the way and making a large mess of everything. 149. Forever Filly Starlight was taking a walk around the park, when suddenly something small crashes into her from behind! As Starlight gets up, she looks around to see what crashed into her. "Sorry Starlight, didn't mean to crash into you". Starlight then spots Sweetie Belle giving her a hoof to get up. "It's alright, why were you in such a hurry anyways?" Sweetie Belle then fumes, "It's my sister! She just doesn't understand that I'm not a baby anymore!" Starlight stares in confusion at the foal and asks, "I'm sorry, what?" "My sister, Rarity. All day she's been hanging out with me, which normally I'm excited for! I love hanging out with her!" she says with a smile. Her smirk then turns into a frown. "But today, all the things we've been doing are stuff that I liked doing when I was like, three! It's like, she doesn't understand that I'm not a baby anymore!" "I see.... well how about I have a talk with Rarity?" "Really? You'd do that?" asks Sweetie Belle. "Sure, why not" replies Starlight. "Thanks Starlight! I gotta go, CMC business! Bye!" Sweetie Belle says as she rushes off. "Okay bye! Now all I need to do is find Ra-" Starlight's external monologue is interrupted by someone crashing into her. After getting up, she quickly spots the pony that crashed into her. "Oh, Starlight! I am so sorry, I was in such a rush I didn't notice you there!" exclaims Rarity. 'Well, this is convenient" thinks Starlight. "Oh, no trouble at all. Actually, I was just looking for you Rarity" states Starlight as she dusts herself off. "Really? Well, I'd love to oblige but I need to catch up to Sweetie Belle. Have you seen her, she should've passed by here?" "That's exactly why I'm here Rarity. I'm here to help out Sweetie Belle" replies Starlight. "I'm sorry, but I don't understand what you mean" states Rarity, confused at what Starlight is getting at. "It's come to my understanding that you still view Sweetie Belle as a pony that is younger than she really is, and it makes her very upset that you view her this way. You need to realize that she is not that young, and as such does not appreciate being treated as such" exclaims Starlight in an intelligent manner. Rarity tilts her head in confusion? "... I'm sorry could you repeat that, I didn't catch... most of that" "Oh for- Rarity! Sweetie Belle isn't three any more! Stop thinking she's a baby!" shouts Starlight. "I beg your pardon!?" states Rarity. "Are you seriously not getting it? You need to understand that Sweetie Belle is older, and as a result, likes different stuff!" Starlight states, frustrated. "Are you implying that I don't get my dearest little sister, Sweetie Belle?!?!" Rarity shouts accusingly. "You know what Rarity? Yes, yes I am. I am implying that you don't understand Sweetie Belle!" replies Starlight in an exasperated manner. "Well I never! I'll have you know that as Sweetie Belle's sister, I know her better than anyone else!" states Rarity. 'Right, I get the feeling that this is going to take far longer than it should ever be' Starlight thinks to herself as she charges up her horn. "The bond of sisterhood are stronger than you may thi-" Rarity is then cut off from her external monologue by Starlight's magic. "Okay, the 'Clear Mind' spell should do the trick. Although personally I think 'Clear Mind of Irrational Thoughts" could also work. Allow me to explain! The 'Clear Mind' spell allows the target to be set into a state of mind that is best when negotiating. It stops crazed and illogical thought processes. It also allows almost all information to be absorbed in a manner that is better understandable to the target as well. In short, this would be a great spell to get others to understand why you are right in an argument, and the other person understands why you think they are right. Whether or not they end up believing you depends on if you're actually "right". It's not like you can use this spell to get someone to think your OTP is the best. "Okay, Rarity. Sweetie Belle is a growing filly, and as such her interests change as well. She isn't that tiny filly anymore, but she is still your little sister. Do you understand?" explains Starlight in a calm manner. "Oh, I see... so in short: she isn't-" "-isn't three anymore, yes" finishes Starlight. "Well then... I suppose I have an apology to make. Thank you so much Starlight!" says Rarity as she goes off to find her sister. "You're welcome!" shouts Starlight as she appreciates the fact that this spell exists. 150. Parental Glideance Wonderbolts and Rainbow relatives alike jumped back as the air crackled and sparked, the smell of pizza and ozone cut through the air. When the blinding light faded one Starlight Glimmer was standing in the grass to the side of the Wonderbolt's runway. “Okay kids, this is where it gets complicated.” Spitfire was the first to regain her composure, though her body was still tensed up on adrenaline. “Look, I don't know who you are, but this is a restricted area, you can't ju-” She was stopped by a magical aura around her muzzle. “Not now spitball, I need to talk with Dash.” Further behind the unicorn, Rainbow groaned and face-hoofed. Hard. When she released the hoof from her face, she found herself teleported across the runway along with Scootaloo. “Now what is it Starlight? I'm kinda in the middle of... Something.” “What, aren't you happy to see me?” Starlight gave a mischievous smile, and turned her attention to Scootaloo. “As for you, first, stop invading Dash's privacy, you're stalking her so much it's creepy now, not cute. Second, maybe if you're gonna visit Rainbow's parents, you should tell Rainbow!” Scootaloo shrank back a bit, unable to keep eye contact, but noticing the vein on Starlight's neck. “Sorry Starlight…” “But you Rainbow Dash, how old are you again? I'm pretty sure you're an adult, so deal with your parents like an adult instead of hiding from them like a baby. This family drama is getting old fast, urgh!” The time traveler groaned in frustration, first Sweetie Belle and Rarity, now this? “Your parents are supporting you Dash, they're your biggest fans, maybe appreciate the amount of encouragement they give instead of brushing it off like some brat.” Rainbow opened her mouth to reply, but there was a flash and Rainbow Dash had traded places with her parents, who shook their heads in confusion. “Hi, I'm Starlight Glimmer, just here to help clear up a little misunderstanding. CALM. THE BUCK. DOWN. You can support your daughter, but tone it down just a bit so she doesn't lose her mind.” She leafed through the journal to the dog-eared page. “I mean, it says you launched fireworks, at an air show. Were you trying to kill Fleetfoot?” Again, before a retort could leave their lips, they were teleported back to the group. Starlight readied her spell, but had a last second thought. She shouted across the runway, to where Rainbow Dash stood with her family and slight team. “Hey Dash! You know those lacy black panties you're missing, ask your favorite stalker where they are!” Her mischievous grin returned. “That should overshadow anything her parents might try. You're welcome.” She said to herself, and disappeared. “Who was that pony?” Spitfire asked the newest Wonderbolt. Rainbow Dash just sighed and face-hoofed again. 151. Hard To Say Anything The song duel was reaching its epic climax. "Sugar Belle!" Big Mac and Feather Bangs chorused, as Mac shoved a rose in her face and Feather climbed over him to offer a bouquet. With a mighty crash, they lost their balance and collapsed onto her. Starlight set down her popcorn and applauded wildly. Apple Bloom face-hooved, then pointed an accusing hoof. "What're YOU doin' here?" she said sharply, the other two Crusaders dusting themselves off and looming behind. "Fixing everything, of course!" Starlight grinned — and shot Big Mac a wink, causing him to tug at his collar and blush. "Granted," she continued, "it would have been so much easier to do that by giving you some stupidly common-sense relationship advice ahead of time, but then we would have missed out on that awesome musical number. So, here you go." She sidled in between Mac and Feather, draping a leg over both of their shoulders. "Give up now, because all you're chasing is a dream, and the reality is a lot uglier." Sugar Belle, her face becoming an increasingly purple shade of purple, sat up. "You know," she shouted, "I was going to ask what in Equestria has gotten into you two, but I don't think I appreciate you marching back into Our Town and insulting me to my face —" "Up-bup-bup," Starlight interrupted, holding up a copy of the town's new democratic constitution. "Rule 37. Any pony who arranges home repairs for you is entitled to one free snide remark." Sugar's eyes bugged out. "How — wha —" "Time travel, don't question it." Sugar blinked several times, then glanced up from the laws. "Home repairs?" Double Diamond's head popped out from the doorway behind her. "Hey, Sugar! Starlight paid me 30 bits to fix your sink. While I was at it, I noticed someone had taken an axe to your pie display case, so I built you a new one, and I figured you might like it twice as big." He paused for a moment, and his cheeks flushed pink. "A-and, you know, m-maybe this is a bad time, but I hear you might be free for dinner later?" Sugar glared at Mac and Feather, then whirled around and marched over to Diamond, taking his hoof. "I think," she said pointedly, "dinner with somepony who knows what I like sounds like a great idea." Big Mac stared in shock. A single tear trickled down his cheek. Feather shrugged. "Eh," he said, then dug in his saddlebags for his little black book, and started wandering away. "Guess it's time to tell Party Favor my evening cleared up." Apple Bloom stared in horror at Mac's heartbroken face, then whirled to Starlight (who was shoving her axe a little deeper into her saddlebag). "Now you look what you've done —" "I'll make you a deal," Starlight said. "Your older sisters are scheduled to discover your absence in —" she checked an invisible watch on her pastern — "five hours, thirty-seven minutes. There's a train at the station as we speak, and that's just enough time for you to ride it back to Ponyville. You let me take care of this, and I won't ever tell them you bailed on a full day's worth of chores and homework to come here." Sweetie Belle's face blanched. "Deal," she said, pushing the other Crusaders out the door. The room, now holding just two ponies, fell silent. Starlight cleared her throat, and walked back toward Mac, letting her hips gently sway. He glanced up — shame, misery, confusion and heat warring on his muzzle. "Well, hello there," Starlight said, echoing the sultry tone she'd given him right before helping him save his voice for the Ponytones' big performance. "A little bird tells me that you're on the rebound." He swallowed. His cheeks flushed to a burning red. "Eeyup," he whispered, and then both of them were a little too busy to worry about little things like shattered crushes. 152. Honest Apple "Y'know what?" Applejack declared after emitting one of those 'poing's that meant she'd just had a fantastic idea. "I am gonna help Rarity judge her show!" VLWORP, said the universe, as a pink unicorn appeared in the orchard where none had been previously. Big Macintosh and Apple Bloom let out shouts of anguished surprise, but AJ just hung her head, her previous enthusiasm deflating. "Or I guess I won't," she mumbled at the ground, "on account of it's a bad idea an' somethin'll go majorly wrong if'n I do." "Oh, Applejack," Starlight cried, throwing a friendly foreleg around her neck, "don't be like that! Just because I showed up now doesn't mean I'm here to ruin your fun!" She chuckled and whispered into Applejack's ear. "Trust me, judging this fashion show will score beaucoup points with Rarity. No way would I mess that up for you!" Applejack's head snapped up, a pink tinge on her cheeks. "Get it?" Starlight said with a grin, poking her in the ribs. "Score? D'you see what I did there?" "I am sure I have no idea what you are talking about, Starlight Glimmer," AJ said, her voice thin and strangely high-pitched. "All right, but joking aside." Starlight pulled AJ closer and motioned for her siblings to leave them some privacy. "What I came to do is simply remind you of a very. Important. Thing." "Oh yeah?" Applejack raised an eyebrow, trying and failing to divest herself from Starlight's grasp. "And what might that be?" "Oh, you know..." A pink hoof waved vague circles in the air. "Just a little something you value highly. What might it be again..." Applejack, now fully tangled in Starlight's web, wagered a, "Family?" "Hmm, no, not quite..." "Farmin'? Honesty?" AJ narrowed her eyes. "Don't tell me it's apples. That's type-castin', an' you know it." "No, no, no, no, no." Starlight hemmed and hawed. "Starts with an H?" "Honesty again?" said Applejack, bewildered. "No, no, not like 'honesty', you can't hear it. Haaa? "Haaa..." "Haaa, harrrr..." "Har-dee-har, Starlight." Applejack grunted. "Lemme go." "Hard work." Starlight's voice was a sledgehammer. "Hard work, Applejack." Out of all the ponies in Equestria, there are few who could match Applejack for strength and endurance. Bulk Biceps springs immediately to mind, but he spends his every moment of spare time lifting anything -- and anyone -- heavy he can find in his vicinity. That's the kind of effort and dedication it takes to equal an earth pony who spends herevery waking moment kicking hardwood trees, from sunup to sundown, in a field suffused by her and her family's magic. You can't match earth ponies for strength. Doubly so when they put their minds to having it. Endlessly so when generations of them have tilled a patch of earth for nearly a hundred years, imbuing it with their life essences even as they harvest its life-giving bounty. A magical feedback loop of that sort only serves to strengthen itself, burgeoning over and over and over again as toil, sweat and love are poured into its surroundings. That's earth pony magic. That's hard work. Which is why, when Starlight cranked her hoof around Applejack's neck, and Applejack found herself held fast in place by a unicorn mare approaching middle age whose hobbies included finding ways to get other ponies to do anything even remotely strenuous so she could avoid doing it herself, Applejack knew at last the meaning of fear. "Fashion is hard work," hissed Starlight into Applejack's ear. "You may not appreciate the outcomes, but designers and clothes horses put as much effort into making their dresses as you do tending to this orchard. Kindly keep that in mind when you go to judge their work. "Or so help me, Applejack. "So help me, little green apples." "I will break you." Applejack believed she could. Starlight released her suddenly, and AJ staggered and fell back onto her haunches with a frantic inrush of breath. She fanned herself with her hat, staring at Starlight with a mixture of fear and awe. For her part, Starlight Glimmer was all smiles, just as friendly and cheerful as could be. "Just something to keep in mind!" she said airily. "That's all I wanted to say. Good luck judging the fashion show! Love you, kisses, byeeee!" The universe turned itself inside-out with a haughty SHNORP, and Starlight was gone. Applejack didn't sleep for a week. But she did score major points with Rarity. 153. A Royal Problem Starlight Glimmer exploded into the royal dining room, earning the attention of all present, even the exhausted Luna. She was so done with family ‘friendship problems’ that plagued the Friendship Journal as of late. Family was a pain in the flank, always had been, always will be. If she was being honest though, getting a chance to fix the chaos that had been her first friendship mission was an appealing idea. “No! No no, no, no. I've got this, I'm showing Twilight I can do this on my own and you aren't swooping in to mess everything up!” Starlight's past-self marched up to her, syrup still on her muzzle from the pancakes. She rolled her eyes. “No, you're the one who messes everything up, you decide switching their cutie marks is a good idea! So shut it and let me handle things, besides, technically you are doing this on your own, I'm you, remember?” The Royal Sisters stood together, watching the spectacle of Starlight arguing with herself. “Sister what is happening?” Luna leaned closer to her sister, whispering. “Why is there two of Starlight Glimmer?” Celestia sighed and leaned closer too, a deadpan expression on her face. “Starlight decided in the future to travel back and fix everything, and I do mean everything. I dare not stop her, I fear the consequences if future Starlight became stuck in the past.” The diarchy of Equestria stood watching a moment longer, until it was interrupted by a blast of magic from future Starlight. “Sorry your highnesses, but this is the best I have.” She looked back at her past-self, stuck in a bubble, angrily hitting the barrier, her mouth moving but unheard. Luna looked at her sister and found a form she hadn't seen since school millennia ago. “Oh sweet Faust no.” Next to her stood the Celestia she knew from high school, Daybreaker. If the look in Celestia's eye was anything to go by, Luna was just as bad. Starlight interrupted their simultaneous horror. “Since you two wanna act like a couple whiny teenagers, you should look the part. Honestly, you've been alive how long and you still can't figure out how to talk to each other?!” “Nononononono Starlight I demand you change us back!” Celestia tore the backwards ballcap off her fiery head and threw it away from herself in horror. “Daybreaker cannot come back, and neither can Nightmare Moon, we left those days behind!” “Have you really?” The time traveler raised an eyebrow. “Luna the emo goth whatever and you the popular mean girl? You argue like a bunch of whiny teenagers, how did you manage to keep Equestria running this long?” “I'm alternative, stop labeling me!” Luna blurted out in the Royal Canterlot Voice, her mane lashing angrily. She froze and covered her mouth. “Oh no, I'm already falling prey to her mind. Starlight Glimmer, you must change us back!” Starlight tapped a hoof on the marble floor. “Mmm... No, not until you two quit acting like a bunch of teenagers and talk like the adults you should be.” “You wouldn't let us regress.” Celestia narrowed her eyes. “Try me.” Glimmer narrowed her eyes. Luna wasn't about to take a chance. “Yes! We will talk like adults, just release us from this angst!” In a flash, Luna had returned to normal with a sigh of relief. “Dear Faust... That was horrible.” Celestia meanwhile was fighting the urge to do a keg stand. “Gah! Fine! Luna and I have been avoiding talking, I admit!” She felt the heat around her dissipate, and she found herself no longer in the fiery form of Daybreaker. Starlight blew air over her red hot horn with a rather unnerving grin. “Good, now play nice, I'll be the mediator, bye!” She disappeared, and her past-self approached the Princesses with a timid smile. “Sorry about that your highne-” Her apology was cut off, an open pizza box falling in front of her. A pineapple pizza sat inside, her favorite. "Ooo!" She happily took a bite from a slice she lifted in her magical grasp, not noticing the Princesses at first. Both Celestia and Luna stared at the offensively topped pizza, then up to Starlight, who froze mid-chew. “What?” 154. Not Asking for Trouble Starlight Glimmer materialized in the middle of a snowy field, and shivered in her parka. She looked around, spotting the yak village. She flipped through the friendship journal. “Let’s see... Yaks done in by too much snow.” She looked again at the village. “Funny. Doesn’t look like a lot of snow.” She heard a deep, echoing rumble, looked up, and levitated herself straight up into the air, narrowly avoiding being buried by an avalanche’s worth of snow. “There it is,” she said to herself. With the clock ticking, Starlight Glimmer turned to the issue of fixing the problem. In a flash of inspiration, she realized Twilight Sparkle had already solved this one. She turned to the front of the book, flipped a few pages, and then stopped. “Here it is. Number eleven. Winter Wrap-Up.” Starlight Glimmer’s horn glowed. With one spell, she summoned one of Ponyville’s snowplows. With a second spell, she animated it. A third spell delayed the activation of the second spell until nighttime. Then she disappeared, humming a happy tune. ~ Pinkie Pie awoke to find her snow bed was now a snow pillar. All around her, the yaks were similarly elevated, with all the rest of the snow gone. “Snow melted! Prince Rutherford was right!” one yak said. “Snow melted very strangely,” Pinkie Pie said, rubbing her chin with a hoof. “Yaks tough! Yaks wait patiently! Yaks win!” Prince Rutherford announced. “Someone must have done this. But who?” Pinkie Pie said. Back in Ponyville, Starlight Glimmer returned her parka to her wardrobe and sang. “Mrs. Plow, that’s my name, that name again is Mrs. Plow!” 155. Discordant Harmony An urgent burst of magic flashed in Discord’s kitchen and Starlight Glimmer crashed through it, screeching to a halt amid twin trails of fire. “Okay! Only have 30 seconds to fix this!” She hissed. Behind her, Discord, dressed in a pink cowpony outfit flew out of the portal. Starlight turned to him. “We have to fix the present! But don’t let either of our past selves see us!” She peeked into the living room and saw Fluttershy and a well-dressed, if slightly transparent, Discord staring in shock at something. Starlight - her past self - was also there, gesturing wildly at a young, butter-colored draconequus (also see-through) in a red down vest, shouting, “It’s your kid! Something gotta be done about your kid!” Starlight - current Starlight - retreated to the kitchen. The only door out of the room was through the living room. She looked at Discord - current Discord - for a beat, and they nodded to each other in unison and leaped through the window - the currently closed window. As quickly and as quietly as they could, they snuck around the side of the cottage. They carefully sidled under the living room window where they could hear Past Starlight shouting at Past Discord. “Look at yourself! You’re fading away! And because of that, Eris here is fading away too! At all your other tea parties, did Fluttershy fall in love with a boring nerd?” “L-l-love?” Fluttershy stammered. “No!” Past Starlight barked. “She wants the god of chaos! So act like it, dummy!” Now safely around the other side of the house, Starlight and Discord crawled into a bedroom window. From the other room, they could hear Past Starlight. “Here, take this and play it. Your kid is gonna love it.” There was a “PFF!” sound and a sudden smell of pizza. The pair was barely into the bedroom when Flim appeared in a flash of light, carrying a copy of Starlight’s time travel spell she’d carelessly left unguarded. He reached for a book on the bedside table titled “Bay’s Sports Almanac: Complete Rodeo and Race Statistics 950-1000”. With a loud “BIFF!” Starlight socked Flim in the jaw, sending him sailing right back through his own time portal. “Mission complete,” Starlight nodded to Discord. “It’s time to split.” Discord just frowned. “Why was I even here?” And they both disappeared in a puff of magic. In the living room, Past Discord began to strum his new red guitar to the tune of “Earth Angel”. Bunny Angel covered his ears as he ate a slice of pepperoni. 156. The Perfect Pear The Timberwolves were closing in. “I think this is it, Pear Butter whispered. “Are you scared?” “Not as long as you’re next to me,” Bright Mac replied. “I love you, Buttercup.” The two huddled close together, waiting for the end. The Timberwolves prepared to pounce. *BOOM!* Reality cracked and warped in front of them. The wolves reared back in confusion. A purple mare appeared before them, casting a shield spell around them. Silhouetted by sparks of lightning, she turned to face the two terrified ponies and reached out a hoof. “Come with me if you want to live.” ~ Applejack had just finished hauling a fresh load of harvested apples into the barn when she appeared. “Starlight Glimmer! What an unpleasant surprise! Let me guess, you’re here from the future to make my life difficult. Well go on, get it over with. Solve my problem and let me get on with my harvest!” But Starlight looked different this time. Her face was blank, as if trying to hide some deep emotion. “Applejack, I have two ponies I’d like you to meet.” And from around the corner, two ponies trotted. AJ gasped, falling to her knees. “M-mom? Dad?” The ponies in question also gasped. “Applejack--is… is it really you?” Bright Mac said, tears rapidly forming in his eyes. 157. Fame and Misfortune “How would you girls feel about making our journal available for everypony?” Twilight proudly held the book aloft and she looked lovingly around the room at her very best friends. She thought of all the good their experiences could do the ponies of Equestria. “If we can get these lessons into other ponies' hooves, maybe they'll benefit from them.” Her friends all enthusiastically agreed. For about twenty seconds. Then there was a burst of turquoise light and all copies of the book, save the worn original, were seemingly vaporized. The noise Twilight made was not equine. “Whew,” exclaimed a voice from doorway. “Got here later than I would have liked, but I got that nipped in the bud just in the nick of time.” Everypony save Twilight, still staring blankly in shock at the place where the books at been, turned to see Starlight Glimmer smiling smugly to herself. Six hooves met foreheads. “You… you… destroyed…” Twilight stammered. Starlight waved a hoof. “Oh, don’t worry, Twi. You know I’d never destroy a book. Especially YOUR book. ...At least not in front of you.” This broke Twilight from her stupor. “What was that last part? Wait, never mind that. If you didn’t burn the journals, then where did they go?” “You wouldn't want to publish that book in Equestria. Trust me,” Starlight assured her. “The public scrutiny and loss of privacy it would bring on you is just NOT worth it.” “But think of all the good we could have done! The lessons we could teach!” Twilight gasped. Starlight furrowed her brow. “Do you want analysts? Because that’s how you get analysts.” She rolled her eyes. “Besides, you want to teach friendship? Open up a school.” Twilight rubber her chin thoughtfully. “A school…?” “I was going to just change the names to protect the innocent and publish it anyway, but it wouldn’t have really worked. I mean, how many groups of friends are there that include Wonderbolts, famous fashionistas, and unicorns that have ascended to godhood recently? Dead giveaway.” “So what did you do?” Twilight asked. “I sent them to another dimension!” Starlight grinned. “You what?” “I sent them to a dimension where they can still do good and teach friendship but where none of the inhabitants can give you any trouble. Win-win!” Twilight thought on that a moment. “Well, okay. As long as you promise its lessons will be taken seriously and it will be treated with the respect it deserves.” “I promise,” Starlight assured her. She lit her horn to cast the temporal return spell. But then she paused. “Oh, and one more thing. I changed the name of the author. Couldn’t have it look like one of the main characters wrote it herself. Now it was written by, uh, ‘Laurel Fast’? ‘Layer Fowst’? Something like that. Anyway, love ya, bye!” 158. Triple Threat "You invited Thorax over to Ponyville on the same day as Ember?!" Twilight whispered. Spike moaned. "Apparently." "That doesn't seem like a good idea," Starlight said. "How are you going to — oh, hello, Future Me." T +10: Twilight and Spike glanced up. Future Starlight smiled. Spike freaked. "AAAAAAAAHHHH!" Spike shouted, starting to run in circles. "That means there's a friendship problem, I was right, Thorax and Ember are gonna start a war that could ruin Equestria as we know it —" Future Starlight put a hoof on top of his head as he passed by and twisted slightly, straightening out his running path. Spike sprinted off into the suburbs of Ponyville, his wailing slowly receding. "Uhh," Thorax said. "What was that about? And who's Ember?" "You'll find out in about —" Future Starlight checked the timer on her pastern, where the second hand was sweeping past 14 — "four more seconds. As for you —" she pointed a hoof at her past self — "come with me." Past Starlight saluted. "Check," she said, and the two of them vanished in a burst of teleportation. Twilight double-facehoofed, whimpering. "Okay," she said, "with Starlight's arrival, now we're up from two crises to three. This day officially could not get any worse." There was a moment of silence, as if the universe was holding its breath. Twilight realized her mistake as Second 18 ticked off. A herd of ponies stampeded past them, pursued by dark chitinous forms. "Changeling invasion!" the lead Flower Sister screamed. There was a draconic roar of "Revenge!" from two blocks away, and a loud series of thumps. "OH SWEET CELESTIA, MY EVERYTHING," Spike wailed. "Uhh, Twilight," Rainbow Dash said from her side, the speed lines of her sudden appearance fading away. "I kinda hate to pull you away from those problems, but your entire castle is on fire." T +00: Garble narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "You're offering me a free chance to give Spike the beating of his life. And you're even going to teleport me there." "Yep!" Starlight said. "And not a single pony is going to do anything about it!" Garble's eyes narrowed even further. "What's the catch?" "You've only got one more second to agree," she said, eyes fixed on her watch. "… Deal." * * * T +04: Chrysalis narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "YOU are offering to help me invade Ponyville. YOU." "Yep!" Starlight said. "And I'm even going to —" Chrysalis stepped forward. "Deal." "— teleport you AND your army …" Starlight trailed off, looking up from her watch. "What?" "Deal. Let's go." Starlight opened and closed her mouth several times. Finally, she managed: "You're not going to ask what the catch is? You're not even going to hold out until I sweeten the deal with a distraction that will keep any pony from fighting back? You're just going to trust me, just like that?" "Shut up. Every second we're here is another second I don't get sweet, sweet revenge." At the mention of time, Starlight shook her head violently and looked back down at her watch. Two seconds longer than planned. She muttered a curse, refocused, and lit her horn. T +14: "Okay," Past Starlight said as they reappeared in the center of Twilight Sparkle's crystal palace. "What's the plan?" "You have four seconds," Future Starlight said, "to incinerate this pile of ugly, and then take a one-week vacation to the Bahamares." Past Starlight blinked. Then grinned, and lit her horn. T +18: PEW! Future Starlight's time-travel spell ejected her half an hour forward. She took a moment to reorient. Thorax and Ember were chatting animatedly as they strolled up to the smoldering foundations which used to be the Friendship Palace — where the sooty, singed Mane Six were collapsed on the heat-withered front lawn. "You know," Ember said, "that was really awesome how you turned into a bear and mauled Garble to within an inch of his life." Thorax blushed and looked away. "I was just protecting Spike. It wasn't half as awesome as when you hundred-combo'd Chrysalis' entire army, suplexed one of her bodyguards into the other one, and then crammed her head into her —" Ember put a claw to his muzzle. His eyes crossed to track it. "Ssssh! Stop talking," she said. He did. "Just … just accept the compliment, damn it!" The scales under Ember's gorgeous red eyes flushed. "B-baka." Thorax's cheeks heated even further. "… Whoa," he breathed. "That just gave me chills." "How does crystal even burn," Twilight whimpered in the background. "Alright!" Future Starlight said, stepping forward. "Now that you've caught each other's eyes WITHOUT Spike being an idiot, I think we can all agree that we learned a valuable friendship lesson today — that there's nothing like a common enemy to —" Her timer chimed. "— unite very different people." She facehooved. "Ugh. Dammit. Note to self: Next time, don't be so surprised when Chrysalis is too stupid to live. Anyway!" She gave Embrax a grin. "Since the palace I burned down will take a week to rebuild, Ponyville's going to be too busy to deal with you two lovebirds. But there's three free pizzas and a keg of dragon-wine over at that remote, romantic lakeshore." She winked and threw her forehooves around their shoulders, leaning in. "Ignore the video cameras." ~~~ "I have to admit," Ember said, "the way you handle friendship problems has gotten way more epic." Twilight levitated another sheet of crystal onto the half-rebuilt castle's scaffolding and scowled. "Anyway, Purplesparks, thanks for getting Thorax and I together." Ember grabbed one of the crystal sheets and bit into it, mumbling around her mouthful, "And for the pizza." Twilight darkly mumbled something inaudible. "Still," Ember said, "I just don't understand why you would burn down your own castle." Twilight's eye twitched. 159. Campfire Tales "Golly, it sure was nice of Starlight Glimmer to give us this here bottle o' Starlight's Special Spray-Away!" Applejack let out a whoop as she, Rainbow Dash, Rarity and their collective sisters hiked up Poorly Placed Mountain toward Winsome Falls. Atop her hat rested a small spray bottle filled with glowing magic goop. "Smells like the back end of a pig's grandfather, but it sure do keep the biters away!" "No kidding," said Rainbow, looping overhead because she was too lazy to pull a wagon. "And I think I saw a nest of fly-ders in a tree a few hooves west." "Ew!" Sweetie Belle shouted, leaping onto her sister's shoulders in fright. "Is that like a spider that's also a fly? That sounds like the worst thing ever!" "Do not fret, Sweetie Belle," said Rarity, lifting her sister off her back with her magic and setting her on the trail. "Even the, ugh, disgusting fly-ders seem to be held at bay by this malodorous concoction." Applejack chuckled. "And by the time we need t'set up camp, we'll be well around this here mountain and outta their range. Maybe even at Winsome Falls already!" "I hope so!" shouted Scootaloo, hopping and buzzing her wings. "I can't wait to hear what kinds of campfire stories everypony has to share!" Rainbow Dash swooped down and gave Scootaloo a light noogie, to her giggled protestations. "They won't even be that scary this time. Promise." "I do hafta wonder..." Applejack flipped the bottle into a hoof and scanned the label. "Why in the world Starlight put a note on it that said, 'So you don't get trapped in a cave and asphyxiate.' I mean, I barely know what that word means." "Ooh, was she the Starlight we know, or the one from the future?" asked Apple Bloom sweetly. Rarity blew a raspberry. "With that mare, it's impossible to tell sometimes." 160. To Change a Changeling Self-reflection was never Starlight Glimmer’s strong suit. It was much easier to criticize the foolishness of Twilight Sparkle and her friends than to ask why it took her so long to figure out that Pharynx needed to do what he was best at doing, defending his hive, in order to gain their respect. She needed to find something to do, or else she and Trixie would have to.... Trixie! That was it! She flipped back to Trixie’s first appearance in the journal, read it again, and then she knew what to do. ~ Later, or earlier, depending on how one looks at it, which one shouldn’t, since trying to deduce chronological order across multiple timelines is the path to madness, Trixie was packing for her and Starlight Glimmer’s planned excursion to the changeling hive. Starlight Glimmer was so looking forward to seeing her changeling friend, and Trixie was similarly looking forward to Thorax getting to see Trixie. Why, anypony would be thrilled to.... “We better delay our trip,” Starlight Glimmer said as she entered the room. “Wait. What?” Trixie said. “Apparently, the maulwurf Thorax wrote about got into a fight with an ursa minor. Thorax says the hive is safe, but they’ve got a lot of repairs to do.” “An ursa minor? They don’t live anywhere near the badlands. And what kind of pony would be power-mad enough to push one in that direction?” Trixie asked. “Well, there’s one good thing that came out of the encounter,” Starlight Glimmer said. “Thorax’s brother Pharynx protected the tribe and saved the day, and he finally became a rainbow bug like the rest of them.” 161. Daring Done? “I’m retiring because of the fact that I’ve destroyed an entire town!” A.K. explained. Starlight almost appeared out of nowhere. She charged inside and looked Daring Do dead in the eye. “So. We doing the Incredibles in real life now?” “What?” Rainbow asked. “C’mon! Heroes cause so much damage while saving the day that they become ostracized and retire? Please. Plus, hasn’t Equestria had like a bagillion attacks in the past 6 years? You’re a hero and you destroyed a couple statues. So? Just take this money to pay for the damage, and kick this hooded guys ass. Oh, and this was actually Cabarlleron the entire time using you to make the town turn a blind eye while stealing the only thing that makes hold on to hope. Let’s go!!” She teleported them to the town. ~ She fired a beam at the hooded pony. She ran towards his goons and stole the sack of glopez and threw it to the towns people. “He’s a scammer. He’s stealing from you.” “Wait a second. So are you Starlight! This is fake money!” Pinkie gasped. “Nah. That’s totally legit. Bye!” She disappeared into the dust. 162. It Isn't the Mane Thing About You Rarity casually sauntered into Sugarcube Corner. “Pinkie, I need one of your confections to put Photo Finish in a good mood. And no-” “PFF!” There was a flash of light and suddenly Starlight Glimmer stood in the middle of the bakery with a rolled up stack of papers. “Oh,” Rarity puzzled, “Am I interrupting?” Pinkie grinned, gesturing to the decorations around the shop and Cake twins, each with their own cupcake. “We were just-” “NO!” Starlight barked. “We were celebrating NOTHING.” She lit her horn and the decorations all disappeared, including the babies’ cupcakes, down to the candles. The twins began to bawl for their lost treats. “Hey!” cried Pinkie in a rare moment of indignation. “Hey is for horses!” Starlight responded. “But we ARE h-” “No! Bad Pinkie!” Starlight swatted the earth pony on the rump with her rolled up papers. “We don’t spray our friends and tiny infants with industrial caulk. Or scrub baked goods with industrial-grade solvents. Bad! I SPECIFICALLY told Cadence you wouldn't do this EXACT thing!" She sighed. "And honestly, who celebrates the anniversary of a sneeze? Seriously. I'm sorry to be violent, but it was this or spend weeks traveling backward countless times and preventing the twins from sneezing for the first thirteen years of their lives. Ain't nopony got time for that!” “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have about 15 seconds to pay Zecora a visit. Just because she’s illiterate, that’s no excuse to not label identical-looking potions with completely opposite, sometimes harmful effects.” With that, she teleported away. Nopony moved for a moment. “You mean we don’t even get a pizza?” Pinkie snorted. The twins continued to wail. Rarity blinked. “Um. I’ll come back later.” 163. A Health of Information “Fluttershy! Are you sure this is the best idea?” Twilight yelled from the bottom of the tree. After finding out about the cure from Mage Meadowbrook's journal, Fluttershy was determined to get the honey of the Flash Bees to save Zecora from, turning into a tree. A bit of a weird disease, but anyway. Nothing would stop her from saving her friend! “Twilight. If I don’t get this honey know, Zecora will turn into a tree! And I won’t let that happen.” Fluttershy was about 34 feet of the ground. Good thing she was a Pegasus, or this would be a lot harder. Her hooves were sweaty, knees weak and hind legs heavy. But, she hadn’t vomited on her sweater already (partly because she didn’t have a sweater) and she had already ate her moms spaghetti. She looked forward and saw a series of branches in the way of the hive. This was gonna take some finesse. She bent her knees and prepared to dart forward. Suddenly, almost out of nowhere, blue flames appeared on the ground and the princess of time appeared. Fluttershy was taken by surprise and she fell backwards. Starlight and Twilight ran over and auras appeared around their horns. They thankfully caught her and placed her safely on the ground. “Fluttershy! Tut tut tut. You shouldn’t be that high in the air. Now let’s fix this.” Starlight's horn glowed as she raised herself in the air and grabbed the hive. She lowered herself down and tipped the hive to one side. She grabbed a vial and filled it with the honey. “There! That should help.” She passed the vial to Fluttershy. Whilst she did this, a Flash Bee stung her cheek. “Ow!” She teleported the hive away. “Good ridden.” “Where did they go?” Fluttershy and Twilight said in unison. “Shit if I know! Bye girls!” Starlight disappeared. “We need to get this to Zecora quick!” Twilight said as they both ran to the nearest train station. ~ “Zecora! We have the....” Twilight began. She looked inside Zecora's home. It was almost destroyed! “Fluttershy! I’m glad you came. My place is a mess, such a shame. I was in bed, and then a hive of Flash Bees appeared! They won’t go away, as I had feared.” “Damn you Starlight!” Twilight yelled. 164. Marks and Recreation "Whatcha got there, little brother?" Thunderlane asked, peering over Rumble's shoulder. "What?" Rumble jumped, crumpling the flier as surreptitiously as he could. "Oh, nothing. Come on! I wanna show you--" "Oh, it's just a flier for our new Cutie Mark Day Camp," said a female voice nearby. The two pegasi turned to see a pink unicorn mare holding a stack of fliers identical to the one Rumble had crumpled. One was held aloft in her magic. "Apple Bloom and her friends set it up," she continued. "I agree with them that it's a great way for young ponies who haven't discovered their special talents yet to interact with one another, have fun, and maybe-just-maybe get their cutie marks!" "Whoa!" Thunderlane accepted the flier, scanning it. "You hear that, Rumble? This sounds like just the kind of thing you should try!" "But I wanna show you the new dive roll I've been practicing!" Rumble said petulantly. He aimed a glare at the mare that could have set a pile of wet leaves aflame. Luckily, Starlight had worn her anti-glare shades that morning. "Don't you want to find your cutie mark?" she asked in the most saccharine voice she could muster. She bent down in front of Rumble and pinched his cheek in her magic. "All foals your age care about is cutie marks, don't they?" Rumble mumbled something about not wanting his cutie mark in something dumb. "Oh, is that the case?" Starlight stood, smiling at him. "Let me tell you, I know a thing or two about cutie mark dysfunction. You've got nothing to worry about. After all, your brother's mark shows he's a talented flyer, right?" She elbowed Thunderlane in the side. "Huh? Uh, oh, yeah! I got my mark for flying, but it's not the only thing I like doing." He grinned at his little brother. "Hey, didn't I ever tell you I started cooking for the Wonderbolts?" Rumble looked at him like he'd grown two heads. "You... you did?" "Yeah! We all share mess hall duty. I didn't think I'd enjoy it at first, but it turns out, I love it!" Thunderlane puffed out his chest a little. "And it doesn't keep me from doing the other things I love, either." Rumble's eyes had grown wide as saucers, and sparkled in the dingy alleyway. "Wow, really? Maybe getting a cutie mark won't be so bad after all!" "Then that's why you should go to Cutie Mark Day Camp," Starlight declared, handing the full stack of fliers to Thunderlane. "Well, would you look at my fetlock? Time's up." She leaned in and whispered in his ear, "Good job, Chunderlane." "Wait, how did you--" Thunderlane's question was cut off as Starlight unzipped a hole in the nearby brick wall, stepped through, and zipped it up after her, with a call of, "Have fun at Day Camp! Toodles!" The two pegasus brothers just stared at the wall, then at each other. Across the way, the Cutie Mark Crusaders had watched the entire scene carefully. "I mean..." Sweetie began. "Getting another camper isn't a bad thing, right?" Apple Bloom humphed and crossed her arms. "Don't mean I gotta like it." 165. Once Upon a Zeppelin Everything was ready. Iron Will's newest revenue making activity was set. He already got money for advance passes for the zeppelin. In short, everything was going his way... at least that is what he thought it was. Iron Will was in the zeppelin, specifically his office. He was busy counting his money from the pre-orders on his revolving chair when he hear rapid knocks on the door. "Who knocks the door of Iron Will?" "Well, that saves the trouble of finding you" states the voice beyond the door. "You still have not answered Iron Will's question!" says Iron Will, in a louder tone. "Oh you should be less concerned about who I am, and more about what I'm here for" replies the voice in a matter of fact tone. Iron Will then gets out of his chair and impatiently opens the door and shouts: "I said, who is at the door!" Iron Will then looks down to see a mare with a light purple coat and striped mane. She was holding up a letter with her magic. "My name is Starlight Glimmer, and I'm here to say: you've been served" she says as she shoves the letter to Iron Will's chest. "WHAT!?!?" shouts Iron Will. "Basically, you're being sued for a number of things. In simple terms they include but not limited to: making an educational based attraction with incorrect historical facts-" "Since when has that been a law!" shouts Iron Will. "A few months ago. Twilight Sparkle made it to encourage tourist attractions to be better educated. I think she was tired of correcting every tour guide she meets. Or maybe she was tired of those places not getting their facts straight. The point is, this is a thing now. Now the rest of this will be explained to you in court about one month" states Starlight as she starts to leave. "Wait! Who is the one who sent the lawsuit?" asks Iron Will desperately. "Oh, didn't I say? It came from the Royal Sisters themselves. They are more perceptive than I thought, I mean they managed to catch on to this. Oh, and if I were you, I'd be as cooperative as possible. Less pain that way" finishes Starlight as she closes the door. Months later at the Castle of Friendship "Hey Twilight! You got an invitation!" shouts Spike. "Oh? An invitation? From whom?" asks Twilight. "Iron Will apparently!" replies Spike. "Iron Will? Huh, wonder what this is about" asks Twilight curiously as she opens up the letter. "Well, what's it say Twilight?" asks Spike. "It says: 'Dear Princess Twilight, I am here to invite you and your family to an education based zeppelin cruise. The topic will be about your family and the events you went though when changing Equestria itself. I would be most humbled if you were to come. If you do accept, I would request that you would be open to the possibility of contributing to this. Perhaps you could personally assist as an on and off tour guide as a special first launch of this. We can work out the specifics later, if you accept I mean. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Signed, Iron Will P.S. Please don't go to court with this. I'm pretty sure that I am doing this legally this time.' "Huh, that last part was pretty weird" states Spike. "I agree, but I have to say that I'm interested in this assisting in educating ponies!" states Twilight excitedly. "So does that mean?" "Yes! Spike, take a letter!" states Twilight. 166. Secrets and Pies "Oh, hello, Future Starlight Glimmer Wearing A Fake Mustache!" filly Pinkie Pie chirped, her hair poofing out as she pushed a wrapped-up present at the stranger visiting her rock farm. "Are you here for your Happy 166th Time-Traveling Intervention party?" Starlight blinked. She saved her friends from such ridiculous circumstances on the regular that most of their weirdness barely even registered any more. This, however, had metaphorically marched up to the front desk of her brain hotel with a metaphorical suitcase full of bits, and a request for so many rooms that she'd have to kick out most of the guests. She worked her jaw for a moment. "Pinkie," she said slowly, "how is it that you can know that, and yet be so ridiculously oblivious that you bake pies for literally years for Rainbow Dash without knowing that she hates them?" "Pinkie Sense, you silly filly!" Starlight paused, then closed her eyes and sharply shook her head. "Let it go," she muttered to herself. Pinkie tilted her head. "What was that?" "A deep callback. Seriously, though — I'm curious. Does your power have a blind spot the size of Manehattan, or are you actually omniscient and you've been trolling everypony all this time?" Filly Pinkie thought for long moments, then shrugged. "You know, I'm not actually sure." "… I'll buy that." Pinkie hoofed an oddly colored cupcake at Starlight. "Great! Then we can get back to your party!" Starlight took a tentative chew. It tasted of tamarind, with earthy notes in the glittering icing. "Yes, yes, happy intervention, thank you. So let's talk about Rainbow Dash." "Oh, cool, wisdom from the future about somepony I've never even met!" filly Pinkie chirped. "Is Rainbow the one who keeps you from creating paradoxes every time you come back and hoof out information which solves a problem that you only knew you had to solve because you never intervened to solve the problem?" Starlight held up a hoof and opened her mouth. "I," she started, trailing off as her brain finished parsing Pinkie's sentence. "Probably not, because if your timeline meddling was a problem, you'd have intervened in it and stopped yourself." Filly Pinkie suddenly giggled. "Ooh, you look so silly with a crystal icing beard and your mouth open like that! … What were we talking about again?" Starlight snapped her muzzle shut, hurriedly wiped the icing off, then coughed into a hoof. "Rainbow Dash. So, whatever file you've got on her —" "I don't keep files!" Pinkie pointed to her head. "It's all up here!" "… Right. You don't know many ponies here on the rock farm; I guess you haven't started yet. Just remember, then: Rainbow Dash doesn't like pies." "Okay! What does she like?" Starlight was quiet for a moment. "That," she said, "is a very good question." "Ooh! Are you going to time-travel all over again, to tell yourself so you know how to answer it?" "No, because I don't remember meeting me before I came," Starlight said slowly, feeling herself ever-so-gradually wrestle back control of the situation. Then it hit her: She didn't actually need to give Pinkie a real answer — just say something so patently absurd that when the two of them first met, Pinkie would offer Dash something that Dash would have to refuse, and they'd talk it out up front. Friendship problem solved! "Rainbow Dash's favorite food," Starlight said, "is, uh. Um. Biting the heads off of live mice?" "Noted!" filly Pinkie said. "See you in a few years!" Starlight paused as she was charging up her return spell. Spooky eldritch party filly has a point, she thought. Logically, there's no way that could fail — but this is Pinkie, so I'd better watch their first meeting with my remaining ten seconds. "See ya," Starlight said, and disappeared. * * * "Dashie!" Slightly Older Pinkie Pie shouted as Dash put a hoof on the step of the airbus. "I brought you a Good Luck At Junior Speedsters Flight Camp present!" Rainbow Dash stopped and turned around, raising her eyebrows — almost causing the surly gryphon behind her to bump into her rear. The butter-yellow pegasus who'd boarded the bus in front of them glanced over her shoulder. "I know we don't know each other," Pinkie said, "but somepony said it was your favorite!" She held out a wriggling rodent, beaming her brightest smile. Dash looked even more confused for a moment. Then her eyes, unmistakably, genuinely, lit up. "Omigosh omigoshomigoshomigosh!" Dash squeaked. "How did you know? You can't even get these outside of gryphon lands!" With a nearly lascivious moan, she bit down, her eyes rolling back in her head as she chewed. Fluttershy fainted. "Huh," Gilda said appreciatively. "Huh," Starlight said, then shrugged. "Well, my work here is done." 167. Uncommon Bond Stopping in time at the Ponyville antique shop, she quickly looked around to make sure she didn’t see her past self anywhere within sight. The last thing she wanted was to freak out everypony before she could fix her screw ups she committed. When the coast was clear, she hurried herself into the store. With not a moment to spare, Starlight made her way to the back of the store and searched for something she remembers looking at that day she was there with Sunburst or Twilight. She quickly realized that she didn’t have particular interest in anything the store had to offer, and thus didn’t touch anything. “Oh yeah, I was too busy thinking about having some alone time with Sunburst to busy myself,” she mused. But that could wait later; she needed to find something to hide herself in so she can speak with herself! Given that she had just heard the door to the shop ring open, that was probably her and Sunburst right now. She panicked, and ducked into a dusty book isle next to another book isle she was sure she went down with Sunburst. She didn’t want to be seen by other ponies however, and thinking quickly she carefully pulled many books off the shelves with her magic, setting them up as a wall inside the isle. Within a few seconds, she had created her book fortress as unassuming as possible. Not even moments later, she heard Sunburst and herself on the other side talking about some of these really old books. She saw herself through a gap in one of the shelves, and attempted to get her own attention with a sharp ‘pssst!’ The past Starlight on the other side stopped for a moment, wondering if she just heard herselfsomewhere. With Sunburst trotting off, she went to investigate the noise from the hole in the shelf. “Uhh, excuse me?” Past Starlight was very confused at this point, looking to make sure she wasn’t going insane. “Good, I got your attention,” Present Starlight whispered. This almost made Past Starlight jump as she peered through the gap. “No, no, no! Don’t make a noise, just listen!” Present Starlight half-whispered, attempting to get herself calmed down. “Look, I’m doing this thing. Or is it ‘we’re’? Doesn’t matter! The point is that I need to fix this before you embarrass us!” Present Starlight attempted to explain. “Sunburst is older now. What we did when we were foals is old news. He has new hobbies, and wants to do those. You want to spend time with him, but you’re going to be obsessed with doing things you two did when you were foals. Trust me, I know how this goes down.” Past Starlight was still a bit confused, and couldn’t muster a proper sentence, so her future self continued. “Just do something fun. Ask him about what you two could do together and DON’T just try to force him into a situation where you’re both foals!” Present Starlight demanded as much as she could in a whisper. It took a moment, of which felt like forever, but Past Starlight put the pieces together. After all, this was herself from the future, which she knew was entirely possible within the means of magic to do. With that, she gave a diligent look and assured her future self that she wouldn’t screw up this entire ordeal. Present Starlight sighed in relief and left the store in a magical flash of teleportation, leaving Past Starlight to decide of something that her and Sunburst could do that both would be interested in. She had a long day tomorrow, in that case. And her day would start in Sunburst’s guest bedroom in the castle. Her only issue now was trying to find out what kind of apparel Sunburst likes to see in private. 168 & 169. Shadow Play "Trying to steal our magic, Stygian?" Starswirl the Bearded accused of the other unicorn. He and the other Pillars had come to confront their 'friend' regarding the theft of their items. "I'm afraid you have left us no choice but to-" Starlight Glimmer appeared in a flash of purple light. "He wasn't-!" she said, and immediately keeled over onto the floor. "Ugh! And I thought traveling a few years to save the Apples was bad!" she groaned, clutching her sides. "A thousand years..." She looked up at the other ponies, Stygian and the Pillars. She knew she didn't have long. "He didn't want your magic, he wanted your respect!" "It's true!" Stygian said. "I brought you together. I plan strategy. I read all I can about the beasts you face. But I don't have magic or strength. So no pony ever notices me. I was going to go to Ponehenge to make my own copies of the artifacts. With them, I thought I could be a Pillar too, and stand beside you in battle. I never wanted to steal your magic!" "There... you understand now?" Starlight said to the Pillars as she wheezed with fatigue. "Stygian doesn't have to get ostracized... The Pony of Shadows will never be summoned from Limbo..." She felt her time spell about to snap back. Starlight crawled over to a trash can and wretched into it. "Miss, are you okay?" Mage Meadowbrook said as she and the others gathered around to help her. Starlight was too weak to warn them to stay back. It was too late. In a flash of purple light, the entire group vanished, returning along with Starlight to her present time.