Sunset stood utterly gobsmacked for a moment. But then she remembered a quote about precisely these situations, and what you say when someone asks if you are a god.
"Yes! It is I, Queen Arachnea! Rise my little...people" Sunset proclaimed, desperately trying to remember anything in Celestia's lessons to prepare her for this situation. Unfortunately, that part of her brain merely delivered an eloquent shrug.
They stood, still in unison. Other than that, they didn't move. That would never not be creepy. She tried to ignore the increasingly worried expression of her friends, and prayed that these pod-changeling-cultist things were as bad at reading body language as they looked like.
"All of you should return to your duties" she desperately fudged. "I have received enough royal adulation for the moment. But you!" She pointed to one of them, more or less at random, a yellow woman with brown hair. "I require an update of your activities in my absence. You may grace our personage with your reports forthwith." I'm going to die, I'm going to die, oh sweet Harmony I'm going to die, she thought, as the creatures melted away into the buildings.
"I hear and obey, my Queen" said the one she had singled out. "What details do you require?"
Sunset was thinking faster than she had in her life. A changeling village, or something similar, led by a dimensional duplicate of her. Never mind how, what mattered was the story. She was the Queen. She had come from another dimension.
She'd bet almost anything her double was from this world, and was here for revenge and conquest. Time to think like her old self. How does this go, first I steal something right?
"How goes the heist?" she tried, packing enough in confidence to make up for the vagueness.
"Quite well, my Queen" it replied. Yes, nailed it in one, Sunset thought. "Weapons are easily procured in this dimension, and their dimensional translation confirms them equivalent to a top of the line Atomic Napalm Neutralizer. Last night's shipment through the portal went off without complication, and another hundred of these 'guns' will be shipped to the mothership tonight."
Oh shit.
Gun running. My other self is running guns to another dimension. Well. That's certainly a thing. A thing that is happening. Yes.
"If'n you'll pardon me yer highness, I've got a question" Applejack cut in. "Just how're you payin' fer all this? Ya can't just be stealing, it's too conspicuous."
"Recruitment is proceeding admirably through your 'internet' enticements, my Queen" it said, not even looking at Applejack. "We have not yet had any difficulties in procuring the identities of the prisoners for the purposes of commerce. Incidentally, aetheric harvest rates have increased by sixty percent."
The entire situation was so surreal for Sunset that the first thought that went through her mind was to feel like an under-achiever. Then she shook her head sharply.
"Take me to the prisoners" she managed to get out. Oh this was bad, this was very bad. But now she had to find out exactly how bad it was before they left.
"Of course." She turned and marched off in the same jerking strides as the others. Maybe they were androids? Did movement in their dimension simply not translate properly through their faulty rift?
The creature led them through the winding paths of Our Town. Though it was small, the many twisted narrow paths and bridges connecting the second floors radically increased the complexity. Sunset was sure there was space here for far more of the doppelgangers than they had seen at their introduction. They probably meant to expand, and she suppressed a shudder at what that implied.
Out of the corner of her eyes, she could see her friends weren't doing much better. Fluttershy was almost cowering, clinging to Rainbow Dash. And Dash herself was nervously glancing every which way. Rarity and Applejack seemed to be keeping cooler heads, watching for unexpected threats, while Pinkie had simply grabbed another bag of Sugar Bombs. Sunset added Pinkie not losing control of her magic to things she was praying for.
In what was probably only a few minutes, but which seemed a lifetime, they were escorted to a larger one of the buildings. Their guide gestured for them to enter. And on doing so, she gasped. At least a dozen pods lined the walls, obviously mechanical but so wrapped in pulsing tubes and gauges that they presented a parody of life. Fog poured from them, chilling the room. And in each pod was a glass set window with a frost covered face.
"Cryonic suspension is stable, and aether collection has not been inhibited by their alien biology" their guide continued in the same blandly pleasant tone. Sunset was really starting to hate that voice. She nodded dimly, trying not to throw up. Several tubes snaked from each of the pods, full of flowing fluid in a variety of colors, leading to a central device that reminded her of an Equestrian mana reactor. Yep, there were the crystal capacitors on the far wall. If she was any judge, they had a way to convert their captives into a phenomenal amount of power. Twilight seemed to agree, staring at her scanner with disbelief.
Well, I guess that's how they can tear a hole in reality then. Also, Changelings meet the Borg. Joy.
But that level of mana depletion...there was no way that was sustainable. She didn't know how long their victims had been imprisoned, but at that flow rate they could start dropping like flies at any minute. She'd rather wait for a better plan, but if she didn't these people might die.
"Well, there isn't a moment to lose. Begin the thaw process for all of them, and procure me a truck. I have a scheme that requires their alleged escape, to lure others into a diabolical trap."
"No."
Dammit, here we go, thought Sunset. I knew that would be too easy. Still, she had to give this her best shot.
"Do you defy your Queen?" Sunset demanded, turning her full glare on the hapless changeling.
"No." More of the things filed in behind them, silent and smiling.
"And what do you call this?" Maybe, maybe there was a chance she could still bluff this out.
"She calls it knowing true royalty when she sees it. Bez and Zeb reported someone impersonating me hours ago." That was a familiar voice, mocking and cruel. She'd heard it every day for years.
Sunset hated her old voice.
Her double strode in, in a red dress and black corset with a high collar patterned like a spider's web. Her expression was scornful, and she brandished a wicked looking ray gun.
"My my" she said, with a sarcastic smile. "All the little flies have fallen into my web. Who are you in this world? Meddling children?" She laughed then. "Oh if you only knew your true selves. In my home you might be worthy nemeses. But you...you're all a bunch of pathetic fools who don't even know what I'm talking about."
"Better than a pathetic fool who gets her name from a comic book" said Dash with a cocky grin.
Arachnia turned to glare at her, her eye twitching. "What did you say?"
"Oh come on, you think I don't recognize it? The Adventures of Captain Proton, ring any bells? What, do you call that thing a Zorcher too?"
"Dash, shut up" said Applejack. "She looks like she might want to use that thing."
"But you do call it a Zorcher right? And those goons are your Replicoids from issue 3? Besides, it's not like that thing works. Remember what they said about the dimension shift converting them? It's a prop."
"Brilliant deduction" she replied, and then shot Dash with an energy blast in the chest. There was a blinding flare of light, and for a terrifying moment Sunset was sure she could see her skeleton. Dash fell twitching to the floor.
"You bitch!" Sunset shouted, the only thing keeping her from charging was Applejack holding her back.
"Hmph, she'll be fine. This was just a taser before I improved it" said Arachnia, unconcerned. She disconnected a glowing devise from the side, and it reverted to a recognizable form. She tossed it casually to the floor, and they all flinched as she drew a small handgun from her bag. "This, on the other hand...well, it was deadly enough already. But as you see, I have ways around these pesky little dimensional translations." She reconnected the devise, and it morphed in her hand into a sleek silver death ray. "So if any of you want to keep your electrons intact, you will do exactly what my Enigmarons say."
"Issue 33" Dash said shakily from the floor. "Not much better."
"Dash, really, must you be pedantic?" Rarity shouted in exasperation. "Here you see a woman of style, power, and grace, with an impeccable sense for the dramatic, and all you can do is critique her taste in literature?" She walked forward, openly ogling Arachnea's costume. "Such elegance. Genuine spider silk I presume?"
"Well...yes" she said, genuinely nonplussed. "From Veridium 3."
"Oh, stunning. I would say I was falling in love with your dress, had I not already seen your face. Why, if I could beg one boon before our death, it would be but a kiss."
There was a moment of stunned silence.
"Oh please tell me they've heard of love at first sight in your world?" Rarity continued, walking forward with a seductive smirk. "It would be so much bother to explain when there are...other Earthly delights I could be introducing you to."
"Rarity, what are you doing?" Sunset demanded. Had Rarity gone completely insane? Had she gone completely insane? Is that what was happening here?
"Isn't it obvious dear?" she said, turning to face them all. "I'm choosing the side of the fabulous." And with that she lunged for the discarded taser.
Arachnea gasped and fired, but the bolt shattered off a shield. And in a fluid motion she snatched it from the floor and returned fire, sending Arachnea convulsing to the floor. More force panes snapped up in a hemisphere around them, deflecting the belated fire of the guards. And then Rarity removed the devise from the death ray, tossed it to Twilight who caught it reflexively, and pointed the restored gun at Arachnea's head. The shield closed to a dome just as the soldiers were ducking around it.
"Alright, all of you, out!" She commanded. They obeyed, retreating to the door. "Well, that's better. Oh and, in case there was any doubt," she said directly to Sunset. "The fabulous side is you. Now quickly Sunset. The van is too slow. How fast can you steal a car?"
"Um...I'm out of practice. Five minutes?" Her delinquent past was well buried, but that didn't mean it was gone entirely.
"Well, I suppose that will have to be enough. And now we have a problem. I can't move these shields without dropping them, and I think we all see how that would end."
Sunset's heart stopped. "Rarity, are you saying..."
"I'm afraid so." Rarity kept a calm expression, but despite her obvious efforts her voice was trembling. "Please be back soon to rescue me. But, well...if you can't, I'll understand."
There was a flare of light, and they all saw the surge of transformation that transformed her into a spirit of Generosity.
"The Tartarus you say!" Dash burst out, breaking the silence. "Rarity, we're not leaving you behind. If you're staying, I'm staying too."
"No you're not, Dash. Because I want you to be safe. And because I know..." Rarity's breath caught for a moment, but recovered. "I know that you'll come back for me."
Dash sniffled, and wiped her eyes. "Fine. But you owe me big time for this Rarity. You hear me? So I'd better be able to collect."
Everyone laughed, the kind that happens because it hurts. They couldn't even hug her goodbye.
"You'll never get away with this" Arachnea gasped from the floor struggling to rise. Until Rarity put her foot lightly on her throat.
"Oh but I shall" she replied. Her face hardened in determination. "And isn't that our line? Now I'm sure your thugs will break this shield eventually, but for now? I'm going to insist you use those lovely psychic powers to order them to let my friends leave. All I want for them is a sporting head start."
Arachnea nodded spitefully. "Done you little brat, and much good may it do you. They're never getting you back."
"Yeah, we'll see about that" said Sunset, putting her hand against the cold dome. "Rarity..."
"Sunset, I..."
"I know" she said softly.
"And it's okay" said Twilight, coming up beside her. "We'll talk about it when we're free." She also reached out, and for a moment they all held hands through the diamond.
"Thank you" said Rarity, her eyes closed. "Now go, please. You don't have much time."
Her friends nodded, then turned and ran. Arachnea was about to make some remark, but a pointed look put an end to that. Soon she heard a deafening set of explosions. Pinkie must have destroyed the other vehicles. Clever girl.
And soon, far too soon, the Enigmaron forces filed back into the chamber. They all were heavily armed, and they carried a large glowing devise she did not like the look of at all. Arachnea said nothing, but smirked from the floor.
"Right then" she said, channeling the full force of her Generosity-granted power into her shields. "Lets be about it." She braced herself. This was going to hurt.
The landscape blurred under them as they skimmed above it with an eerie thrumming. It was Twilight who had realized how to activate the dimensional transmogrifier and attach it to the car. The resulting ship was unfortunately completely unarmed, even if Sunset had found a cloaking device. But it had gotten them to the outskirts of Santa Tabitha in minutes. Unfortunately, they were at a loss as to what to do next. For lack of a better option she was heading back to the hotel.
"I'm not sayin' we're gonna leave her" Applejack replied angrily to a glaring Rainbow Dash. "Like heck we're gonna leave her. But we need a plan. There's too many of 'em to count on our powers."
"I could make another magic trap" said Twilight. "I'm positive all this 'technology' is just powered by their form of magical energy. Maybe I can take it away."
"Not a bad idea" said Sunset "but I'm worried what would happen if it overloaded. Those were some really big capacitors they were filling."
"Um...don't all those people need the magic to stay alive?" said Fluttershy. "I mean, I don't think cryonics is something that really works without magic. Right?"
"Ugh, no it's not" Twilight growled. "Dammit! Where's Midnight when I need her?"
"Hey" said Sunset, putting a hand on her shoulder. "I know you don't mean that."
Twilight sighed. "No, I don't. Midnight wouldn't care about the prisoners, or about Rarity. I just feel so helpless."
"Yeah, me too. But we'll come up with something okay? We're at the hotel now. We'll sit down, take stock, and then we'll go save her like the big damn heroes we are. Okay?"
Twilight nodded. "Yeah. Okay" she looked out the window at the buildings drifting by as they floated silently overhead. "You know, there's a pretty huge irony here isn't there?" She pointed to the tacky flying saucer sculpture on the roof. "Just two days ago that dumb thing was the biggest problem we had to worry about. And now we're landing an actual ufo in the parking lot."
And then the proverbial lightbulb went off over Sunset's head. She looked at Pinkie, who suddenly was sporting a disturbingly wide grin. At Dash, whose expression was opening up to one of utter glee.
Applejack crossed her arms, a dangerous smile on her face. "Do y'all want to share with the rest of the class?"
"Twilight," said Sunset with a mad grin, "just how much juice is left in that transmogrifier?"
She blinked at the apparent non-sequitur. "Not much. We're burning through it quickly. I can recharge it, but I'd need a source of magic. Why?"
"Not a problem" said Dash, transforming in a swirl of elemental Loyalty. "Failure is not an option. Lets go save Rarity!"
Rarity was gagged, thoroughly tied to a stretcher, and literally everything hurt. The bonds were almost superfluous really. She could hardly twitch a finger. She had put everything she had into keeping up her shield for a few more moments, and then a few more. And the shattering sensation as they failed had driven her to the floor.
Of course, unconsciousness would have been too much of a release. She might not be able to move, or do anything but stare at the sky. But she knew what was coming. She could see the octarine Aurora in the stars above her. The portal was open, and its light cast flickering shadows of another universe. Enigmarons as pale insectoid cyborgs, their homes a slime-ridden hive draped in elaborate decorative knotwork. And looking down on her, Arachnea, unchanged. All Sunset Shimmer's beauty, twisted by a malicious sneer.
Truly the worst defacement of all.
"You know, you really put up a good fight" Arachnea was gloating of course. She couldn't seem to help herself. "I'm impressed, the Proton Ram should have taken you in one shot. And how you endured the Sonic Agonizer? That Nova power of yours is quite extraordinary. You know, none of your counterparts are superheroes?"
Rarity knew this game. It seemed any evil Sunset was a fan.
Arachnea smiled sweetly. "It must be to make up for a lack of competence."
Yes, there it was. Predictable. And of course you focus on the magic when it's will that makes it possible, you utter nag.
"But don't worry. Soon we will..." she stopped and looked behind her. Rarity's heart leaped. "WHAT?"
Screaming bolts of crackling blue energy tore overhead, and Rarity felt the overpressure of an explosion. And despite everything, she smiled.
"No! NO! The rift generator!" Arachnea was screaming, seemingly incoherent with rage. "It's collapsing! Everyone to the portal, now!"
"Arachnea!" Sunset's voice boomed out from somewhere high above. "I know that you're angry, and you feel like power is the only thing that will help you. But it won't, it will just cause more misery. Please, if you surrender we can show you a better way."
"Shut up!" Arachnea screamed back. "I don't need moralizing, especially from you. I'll see you again Sunset, and believe me when I say there will be a reckoning for this. So swears Arachnea!" There was a crackling thoom, and the portal was closed.
Above her, Rarity saw a silver flying saucer drift into view. It was...well, it was a deco screaming disaster of a cliche to be honest, even glowing with the blue energy of Loyalty. Tacky, and full of completely incoherent design elements. And there, waving from the lower portholes, were her friends.
It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen.
Sunset and Twilight leaped from the ship, descending elegantly in a stream of light, apparently in too much of a hurry to wait for it to land.
"Rarity, are you alright?" said Twilight, touching down beside her. A purple glow and her bonds began undoing themselves, while Sunset removed the gag.
"Well of course I'm alright" she said, suppressing a cough. It took all her effort, but she managed to reach out and clasp both their hands. "You're here."
Sunset and Twilight both held her, tears streaming from their eyes, and both kissed her delicately on the forehead. And Rarity felt, despite the pain and the disaster of the evening, that it was entirely possible this was heaven.
"And now for some local color, we've had quite an evening haven't we? In addition to the ongoing UFO phenomenon, the famous alien statue of the Galactic Rest bed and breakfast was replaced last night with a vintage car. A 1975 Citroen DS no less, though the original owner cannot be located. The statue itself was located by police over two hundred miles away in the ruins of an unlicensed habitation. Investigations are ongoing into possible cult activity, and fourteen confused survivors were pulled from the wreckage. They all claimed to suffer from amnesia, but reported being rescued by a group of mysterious and beautiful women with psychic powers. As for explanations, who can say? Consulting expert Truth Out has turned in his resignation, claiming it was all caused by unicorns. His official comment is, verbatim, "We live in a world where that just happened. Nothing matters." What is the truth, what is the government coverup, and how much is the whimsy of our celestial friends? We don't know. We're just the radio. But now it's time for more music. Keep your towel at hand and your tin foil ever watchful. This is KSFR."