//------------------------------// // Does it Have to Be This Way // Story: I Am The... Hero! // by Chemtest //------------------------------// I smooth out some wrinkles in my suit as I wait for the Yak King to come. I requested a meeting, and he immediately responded. I lightly suck on a peppermint stick made to look like a cigar, enjoying the cooling feeling. I lean back in my seat, setting my feet up on the table. Then, I hear the door open. I put my feet back down, and nod at the King as he enters, “King Yaksky, pleasure to see you.” The King sits down opposite of me, “Same for you, Emperor McBad. If I may ask, why am I here?” I nod, “Yeah, I can awnser that easily. Your son’s clapped, and he went too deep into the glue before declaring war on Equestia and me.” He looks at me in shock, “Did you just say he was deep into the glue?! How dare you!” I raise an eyebrow, “Yeah, why is that so offensive?” Yaksky simmers his anger, “I’ll assume you don’t know what that means then. Deep in the glue is a heavy insult that implies the one insulted is an inferior being to the ponies. Glue being made of hooves back when this was made, and slaves would be at the hooves, so they were deep in the glue.” I widen my eyes, “Oh hell no, I didn’t think about that. Back home, kids would sniff glue, losing brain cells and being high. So if someone acted like they were high, and missed brain cells, they were deep in the glue.” He calms all the way, “Okay then, glad we cleared that up. So, why am I here?” I smile, “Your son has been taken prisoner until you could come pick him up. I also need you to explain at how his declaration of war was fake, and say that peace shall be kept.” Yaksky frowns, “I’m afraid I can do neither.” I look up at him, “What does that mean.” He tries to move sympatheticly, “I’m getting old, my son is going to replace me soon. If I call his decision stupid now, then he will be seen as an easy target by other counties. Yakyakistan must survive after I’m gone, and calling peace now would undermine that. So, I’m afraid the declaration has to go through.” I slam my fist into the table, and look him dead in the eye, “Listen here, and listen good. If you declare war on me and Equestia, many will die. I may take mercy on your people, order non-lethal tactics, but I cannot guarantee my allies will do the same. I ask not for peace out of worry for what might happen to my people, but for your people.” Yaksky laughs in my face, “Your two puny countries are nothing against our four! You shall be crushed under Yak hooves, picked off by Gryphons, demolished by Minotaurs, and runed over by Hoofler’s war machines! Let’s just skip that, and solve this peacefully. You surrender as soon as the war starts, and no blood will be spilt.” I put my eyes right in front of his, “Surrender? I’m British, we have a penitent to never surrender. If you declare this war, you suffer the consequences. Your hooves will be cut by our Crystal walls, your gryphons will fall out of the sky as the Pearl picks them off, the minotaur forces shall drown in the wave of bodies from the Equestrian combined forces, Hoofler’s puny weapons shall be not but dust and ash as Striders march into their cities. The Revolutionaries Concordat shall march into your towns, we will take over, and we will replace your royalty with representatives of our own.” He looks back, “Empty threats.” My glare intensifies, “Do you want to take that chance? Do you want to gamble with the lives of innocents? Look me in the eyes and awnser. Do you care so little about your people that you would gladly ante up with their lives?” He looks in my eyes, then looks away, “You’re trying to intimidate me!” I only continue glaring into him, “Do you dare declare war on me? I know that I could take your capital with one squad. But do you know that? Do you want to take that chance? Do you dare?” Yaksky takes one big breath, and looks me in the eye, “I dare. Your petty threats do not scare me. Next time we meet, I shall be marching into this palace.” I glare into his eyes, “You are a monster. You are clapped. I’ll be happy when I see your and your sons heads roll. What you’ve just done can not be taken back, remember that. The first war in a thousand years, all because of a monster. I will keep my promise when I say my army will not try to kill, but those that aren’t in my army might just do so. When you see your army laying slaughtered all because of one man, your people will see the monster you are. When your allies are decimated and their people lie dead, you will only have yourself to blame. All because of what you are, a monster.” He flinches a bit, “Can I get my son now?” I have my wand against his forehead instantly, “Get out. Get the fuck out.” I fight the urge to fire, “Run! Run for your life before I decide to take it away! Run the fuck away and tell your people about the fucking monster you are! Run before your head exists no more!” Yaksky quickly rushes off, leaving me there. A guard approachs me, “What do we do sir?” I grimace, “Go to your Captain, mobilize, prepare. I have someone to talk with.” The guard rushes off, pressing the mobilize red button. I stand up, and head off. ——— I enter the home with a graveyard surrounding it. An observatory, meat eating cow plants, garlic in a fenced off area, and an outdoor pool with a food stand. I move through, and knock on the door, “Hello?” The door opens slightly, and he peaks his head out, “McBad, I haven’t murdered anyone recently, why are you here?” I hand him a sheet of paper, “Jim Pickens, I call upon you for a war.” He takes the paper, “War, eh?” I nod, “We are at war, and I think it’s time you did what you do best.” He looks at me excitedly, “I get to keep them in the basement?” I nod, “Until the war is done, you may keep those you capture in your basement.” He nods quickly, “I’ll get the Cult ready right away.”