Idiot!
Moron!
Dummy!
Asshole!
Coward!
Alexis Capella banged her head against the wall of her shower, and instantly regretted it. Yup, that was solid marble. And now in addition to all her grief, she now had a headache.
"Urgh..." She felt like crying.
Acting like that... saying stuff like that...
You're an idiot, you know that?! You can't get carried away by your emotions! Isn't that what he always told you?
She massaged her forehead, remembering that it was the same spot he flicked using his fingers just the other day.
Her hand paused over her face.
"Easy. I don't think she's your type."
"You'll get dirty like that."
"You know I can't win against you..."
That smile of his. That damned smile. The one he rarely showed to anyone else except her.
That kindness. So warm, so naive that she knew it would come back to hurt him one of these days.
That laugh. So rare, so precious. And the way he never said no to her, even when she totally deserved it...
And when she laid against his chest that afternoon, pretending to just play around... despite the fact that he was so scrawny and unreliable, his chest was broad and warm. He was unfair. Jaemin Song was unfair. Unfair, stupid, cool, cowardly, cute, too hard on himself. Never allowing himself anything, always holding back, never living life as he should. Always hurting in some infinitely small way, always hiding it from her. To protect himself, and to protect her...
She sniffed once. Tears began to join the water coming down from the shower head above.
"Can't I do anything...?"
"You all sobered up?"
A hot cup of coffee was set in front of her.
Alexis looked up from her knees and peered suspiciously at it. "Where's the cream and sugar?"
The man who stood beside her at the dinner table looked downcast at her words. "I thought you might like to try it black this time. Like your old pops?"
She scowled. "I don't want something bitter. Not right now."
He shrugged and took the cup away. "Suit yourself. Be back in a mo'."
The male walked over to the kitchen counter to make preparations as Alexis buried her face into her knees once more.
"I shouldn't have said all that," her words were muffled. "It wasn't what he needed to hear. He hates me now."
"Maybe so." Two tablespoons of cream, then three sugar cubes. Andrew Capella knew how his daughter liked her coffee. "But maybe not. You can't be certain unless you talk to him again."
She groaned into her knees. What a dad thing to say.
"Don't give me that," he chastised as he spooned in the last cube of sugar, "You guys are friends, aren't you?"
A little more than that, in his opinion, but as a father figure, Andrew figured it was best to not overstep in this situation. They were still teenagers after all.
"Plus," he slid the now significantly lighter coffee in front of Alexis as he took a sip of his own, "How long have we known Jamie? There's no way a little thing like this would make him hate you."
Another sniffle. He couldn't see her face in the position she was in, but he had an idea. It had been a while since Andrew had seen her daughter this vulnerable or since she'd come to him for advice. He secretly thanked Jaemin for that.
"You just need to apologize, okay? Apologize and explain. He won't understand otherwise, you know?"
Andrew leaned back in his chair as he looked upwards, recalling a memory.
"Don't you remember all those summers ago, when he went the whoooole barbecue without touching a single bit of food from the table? All because no one told him it was okay for him to eat too!"
The memory made him chuckle. They were much smaller back then. Both Jaemin and his little girl. A lot more rambunctious too. All because Alexis tried all the harder to get the at the time despondent Jaemin to get up and move around. He clearly didn't like it then, but look at them now.
"So you know how he is."
Andrew put a hand on his daughter's shoulder.
"Talk to him when you feel better, okay?" He flashed his classic smile at her, the one which used to win him over countless ladies during his prime. He was still confident it would net him a pretty good score even now, provided he shaved and put on some snazzier clothes.
...
"Okay."
Alexis slowly reached for her coffee, found her grip, and raised it to her mouth.
Sweet. Creamy. Just how she liked it. The liquid felt like a warm hug. She closed her eyes as she drank.
When she finished, Alexis fished her phone out from her back pocket and stared at her most recent conversation.
JAMIE: hey
JAMIE: are you ok?
JAMIE: hello?
JAMIE: you know i don't know how to use my phone that well, alex...
JAMIE: text me back when you can, okay?
JAMIE: im sorry. about yesterday.
JAMIE: please dont be upset with me
Click. She locked her screen. The kind, sincere words hurt to read. In every line, Alexis could see the face of that kind boy who put up with her, with all of her, no matter what. She put her face into her knees once more.
What are you worried about me for, idiot? Why do you care if I'm upset with you? You should be mad at me!
The clock in their living room chimed 10AM in the morning. A wooden bird going "cuckoo! cuckoo!" and the sound of a teaspoon stirring Andrew's coffee mug were all the Alexis had for company as she lamented her circumstances.
I'm sorry, Jamie.
Bzzt.
"Looks like you got another one," Andrew commented, peering over his newspaper.
She sighed, unlocking her phone once more.
JAMIE: did you remember to brush your teeth after that soda? you'll get cavities you know.