//------------------------------// // Chapter 5: Lunch with Princesses // Story: Hello, My Name is Air Marshal // by CrackedInkWell //------------------------------// I know how much ponies tend to look up to the Royal Sisters. That many would see Princess Celestia or Luna as these perfect beings in which every little thing they do is out of wisdom, that they’re the incarnation of kindness itself, that they are above us mortal folks in every way that they live in a completely different world, and that their urine would cure cancer. Yeah, I know the kind, and I admit, I had thought about that way of them too.         But let me tell you that, as incredible as it may sound – they’re just like us. I know that may sound blasphemous to you overly devout folks out there, no doubt screaming your heads off, tossing this book in the nearest fireplace and then make a petition for the resignation of my “Godhood” that I never got in the first place. But it’s true. I and my parents have seen it with our own eyes.         And I mean it, once you look past their wealth, the armies of servants and guards, the finest of food that could ever be offered up, and even the royal regalia, they’re just two normal ponies underneath that just happened to be rulers of a country. When we were carried off to their hotel suite and show to a table, my parents were stunned to find Princess Luna walking in without her famous crown on her head nor her signature black boots.         “Why are you gawking like that?” I remember her asking. “You didn’t expect me to wear our regalia everywhere we go, do you?”         “Forgive us, Your Highness,” Dad said, “it’s just that we’re so used to seeing you wear your crown and all that to see you without is…”         She smirked as she rolled her eyes. “I know, we’re never allowed to go anywhere in public without those things. At least Princess Twilight only does so on occasion. But honestly, do you want to go around all day and night long wearing very heavy, awkward, uncomfortable neck pieces and metal boots without any padding where you’re wearing them knowing that your subjects would start a revolution if you’re caught without it, you would be giddy to fling them off, too.” Then without ceremony, she plopped herself down between my parents and asked her sister. “So, Tia, are we going to have those tacos or not?” The three of us stared at her. “What?”         “Now there’s something I thought I’d never hear you say.” Mom replied. “Aren’t tacos a street food? I mean, don’t get me wrong, but I didn’t think you’d eat those.”         “And why ever not? They are scrumptious. Tia, is there a rule that we couldn’t eat tacos?”         “Don’t be ridiculous,” Celestia called out from a bedroom she entered in. “Tacos are delicious with queso fresco and chipotle. If there was such a rule, then I would go on strike by refusing to raise the sun. But then again, I always hated the smell of overcooked ponies, it makes me quite queasy. You would find that it wouldn’t take long to change anyone’s mind.”         I looked around the open, luxurious space of their suite and noticed that something was missing over the kitchen area. “Where’s your chef? I mean, don’t you have one?”         “She is just getting her apron on,” Celestia said as she walked out without her crown or golden boots and used her magic to tie a knot behind her back to tighten her white apron. “In the meantime, I can get you out some plates, so you could eat a little bit of that potato salad you’ve brought. It actually sounds lovely right about now.”         Both of my parents let their mouths hang out before Mom turned to Luna, “Can I have a glass of water?” Luna used her horn to grab one from the cabinet, fill it up with water before giving it to my mother. “Now if you excuse me, I need to drop this.” And like that she let go of the glass and let it smash on the floor.         The Princess of the Night rolled her eyes as she used her horn to make the shattered glass and the water disappear.         “Okay, am I high?” Dad asked without giving much thought as to what he was saying. “I mean… Celestia’s cooking.”         “What? I have hobbies too.” Celestia then used her magic to get out all sorts of stuff from frying pans to onions and everything that made up tacos being arranged on the counter.         “Well you might excuse us, your highness,” my Mom began, “but no offense to you, we just… well… we didn’t think that you had a hobby.”         Celestia laughed. “That’s pretty understandable. I don’t do it often, but it’s actually a pleasure to be cooking for someone else. So when I do, it’s always a joy. Of course, we have several kinds of hobbies in our family, you see. For example, I like to cook, Luna goes monster hunting on Thursdays, Twilight binges on classical novels, Shining hosts Ogres and Oubliettes sessions every month, Cadence makes and revises a shipping book on Sundays, and Blueblood…” She paused as she tapped her chin. “Come to think of it… I don’t exactly know what he does with his personal guards and bottles of olive oil on Saturday nights. He wouldn’t even tell us about it, always goes red when asked about it. But anyway, back to tacos.”         “But… Don’t you need help?”         The Sun Princess raised an eyebrow. “Why? I mean, cooking isn’t that hard. It’s like doing math in a way – once you understand the basic rules and method, it’s not that difficult to do.”         “Well, that’s because you have Mother-knows-how-long of practice.” Luna retorted. “Even I still can’t figure out how you get those pancakes so fluffy and not taste like charcoal.”         I cleared my throat. “Sorry to interrupt your sibling banter, but is there a reason why I’m here? I’m pretty interested to know.”         “Oh yes, of course,” Celestia said as she picked up a knife and started to chop up an onion, garlic, peppers, and tomatoes. “We have heard about your hardships that you’ve been facing as of late. Especially from those who seemed to harass you because you’re now an alicorn.”         “Gee, what gave that away.” I deadpanned.         “Well, the newspaper for one,” Luna answered. “And your new cult has been passing out fliers that specifically has an address that we could assume is near your residence.”         My jaw dropped. “Isn’t that illegal?”         “Not really,” Celestia answered. “But I have heard about that cult invading your privacy, and yes, that is illegal. Besides, we do empathize, this isn’t the first time we’ve seen this. After all, our cults haven’t exactly died out either, and it’s incredibly infuriating. I mean, do you know how often one of those nutjobs try to break into Canterlot Castle to offer one of us a sacrifice? On a daily basis?”         “And what’s wrong the virgin sacrifice?” Luna called out. “I don’t mind being offered up to take somepony’s vir-”         “Luna! Not in front of our guests!”         My parents were stunned into silence. Even I struggled to say something for a moment. “I… You know what, I don’t wanna know. But please get to the point.”         “In short.” Luna turned to me as plates were being floated towards the table. “Out of compassion for your recent misfortune, we still feel compelled in helping you in some way.”         “If this still involves that offer, I’m out.”         “Oh, not at all.” The Evening Princess shook her head while raising her hooves. “As shocking as your decision was, you do have the right the refuse such a position. But at the same time, my sister and I just didn’t feel right in leaving Las Pegasus without offering you some assistance. Like for example, learning some basic magic or try to get ponies to, as they say now, getting off of your back.”         Now, this caught my attention. “Please tell me you have a fix-it-all spell for that.”         “I’m sorry to say,” Celestia said as she started to heat up and mix the filling, “it doesn’t work like that. After all, we were being honest when we said the transformation is irreversible. However, we think there are a few solutions that can be tried so that ponies won’t see you as a chosen one and just see you as the average pony you are.”         “Now, hold on.” Mother raised a hoof. “Not to play Discord’s advocate here, but is that really such a bad thing? I mean before you arrive, that cult had promised to build a temple for the three of us to live in. And we’ve lived in a crappy apartment for years now.”         “Excuse me?” Celestia craned her neck over. “You’re complaining why your son shouldn’t accept being harassed by these ponies if it means getting you a better place to live? It would be one thing if Mr. Marshal had accepted our offer to become a Prince, but to be forced all of this upon like this without his consent? Selfishly using your son as a means to improve your situation while he suffers being pressured by strangers to become something he’s not is never acceptable.”         For the one time in my whole life, I saw my mother, one so good at arguing that you can’t win one from her even if you tried, was speechless. An incredible feat by any standard, even if it’s by Celestia. One in which has earned my undying respect.         “As I was saying,” Celestia continued, “I do think there is a way to get more control of your life. Not exactly as it was once before, of course, but enough to let ponies know that you are like them. If anything, it’s very simple.” As she returned her gaze to the food she’s preparing, I asked her what that was. “Why not just write it down?”         I tilted my head. “Like writing a book or something? I mean, don’t those things take forever to make?”         “What my sister means,” Luna said as we began dishing out the potato salad, “is that nopony is asking you to write Equestria’s next great novel, but rather to just give your readers, (and no doubt your followers,) an idea of what you’re like in general. Tell them about your experiences as an alicorn. Give them your reasons why you refused the title. Explain a few things about yourself you do daily. The more relatable you are to whoever reads it, the less of a ‘God’ they shall see you as.”         “That… That might not be such a bad idea.” Dad said thoughtfully. “Even if you don’t want your followers, I think they would be the most to pay attention as, in their point of view, it would be like you were writing your own scripture.”         “Precisely.” Celestia nodded as she turned towards the small tortillas. “It would be blasphemous to go against your word anyway.”         “But… I’m not much of a writer.” I objected. “I mean… I haven’t written anything longer than an essay since High School – and even then my grades in Equestrian were average. Even if I could write really well, I don’t know if I have enough time to do it with my job and all that.”         “In that case, let me tell you a secret,” Celestia said. “Contrary to what you may think: writing is a skill. And as with all skills, they can be learned. The trick is to have the motivation to get into a habit of writing up to a goal as often as one can. If for example, you take a few hours to write up at minimum a thousand words per day, you would end up at around thirty thousand words. That’s the length of a novella. But the trick to get up there is to have a reasonable goal. Of course, for some, a thousand words a day could be considered too much depending on the pony, but even if you had time to write up a hundred, three hundred or five hundred, you can still make quite a bit if you just kept it up.”         “So basically,” I raised a hoof, “just tell them what’s going on and leave me alone?”         Luna nodded. “Pretty much.” She said before taking a bite of the potato salad. Her eyes went wide as an audible sound was heard. “Oh wow! This is really good. Tia, try this!”         “I’m a little busy.”         “The tacos can wait.” Luna picked up a fork of the stuff and floated over to her sister’s mouth. “Here. Eat it.”         “Lu, can’t this just wa-” her mouth was immediately stuffed with my potato salad. “Wow, you’re right. This is good.”         “Right,” Mom said, “there’s a reason why we have him make the stuff every Saturday when he comes to see us.”         “Give me a minute, I almost have the tacos done.” A moment later, the tortillas, the filling, crumbly white cheese, and some cilantro leaves on the table. After Celestia sat down, we began to assemble our own tacos and started eating. “You know, if you are interested, I can get you some security for you, so it would help you keep that cult at bay. Perhaps send down a few bodyguards to give that so-called prophet Euphoria an offer that he can’t refuse.”         “Since when did you turn into the mafia?” I questioned before taking a bit of the taco.         Luna raised an eyebrow, “The only difference between us and the mafia is that at least we don’t ever kill anyone nor threaten severe harm which they don’t pay up their taxes. (Of course, there’s imprisonment but that’s beside the point.) What my sister means that we think it might be best to give you your own guards so that you could live out your life in peace.”         “But what about my job?” I asked. “As much as I want to make an honest living, I still have to interact with other ponies from time to time.”         “That’s the beauty of the Royal Guard,” Celestia said, “once you give them your conditions on how you want to live your life, they will plan accordingly. For example, this may look like an empty hotel suite, but in reality, there are twenty-six guards in total that are hidden in ventilation shafts, floorboards, under the sink, between the mattresses, above our heads…” I and my parents looked directly upwards to see a guy in proper ninja black outfit with suction cups in his hooves looking down at us. “The point being that if you tell them what you want and how it’s their job to accommodate your demands as faithful as possible.”         I nodded. “Actually… that might not sound that bad… so… you could get someone to teach me how to use this thing too?” I tapped my horn.         “Of course,” Celestia said before taking another bite of her taco.         “But what about job security?” Mom pointed out. “I mean, just because you’re an alicorn working to direct air traffic, doesn’t mean that you can’t get sacked.”         The Princess of Looking-on-the-Sunny-Side nodded. “I agree. If you did ask, your boss to continue to treat you as you were before, then you would still be at the same risk of losing your employment like everyone else. This is another reason why we wanted to talk to you directly Mr. Marshal.”         “That being?”         “Financial security.” She answered. “Since I am personally responsible for causing this whole debacle in the first place, and you refused the original offer, I thought that I might as well try giving you some compensation. So, I was hoping if you agreed to receive an allowance, by me every week to be deposited in your bank account.”         I raised a hoof. “In theory, if I said yes to this, how much would you give me every week?”         “That depends, how much do you make in a week?”         “With me working full time? I make five-hundred-and-forty-six a week. Why?”         “According to Equestrian law, if a member of the Royal family was the cause of an accident or injury that is knowingly guilty of, then said member must pay in compensation the amount the one who was harmed to give them twenty-fold of what they earn in a week. So, five-hundred-and-forty-six multiplied by twenty would be… ten-thousand-nine-hundred-and-twenty bits a week.”         I dropped my taco. “That much?!”         She waved a hoof. “Oh, don’t worry, that is merely pocket change as it’s coming out of my own purse. And if you do so, then you may do with it however you see fit.”         As I sat there, I weighed my options. On the one hoof, part of me was jumping about screaming hysterically that I’m rich. But on the other… even with all that bits that’ll pile up from one week to the next, what exactly would I do with it? Pay off the house, quit my job to probably live a comfortable but boring life, what then? When I probably wouldn’t have to work again, what would I do with my time with Celestia herself giving me that as an allowance? Dress up like a superhero and fight crime at night while getting an acrobat as a sidekick?         But then again… what if I do lose my job and I won’t be able to find one in months… perhaps years with no other income?         “I’ll tell you what,” I said to her. “I’ll accept it. But if you’re seriously going to do this, put it in my savings as a just in case something goes wrong thing.”         Celestia nodded. “Understandable.”         “But who are we going to get him to teach him magic?” Luna inquired. “I mean, given how demanding it’s going to be by the time we get to Canterlot, I don’t know if either of us has enough time to do so.”         “Ooh, true.” Her older sis mused over this problem. “And I know Twilight is going to be too. Sunburst is too far away and most likely in need of taking care of Flurry. So who else could… Oh!” Her face brightened. “I got it!”         “What?” Both Luna and I questioned.         “There is another unicorn that is both knowledgeable and skillful in magic. Plus, she probably wouldn’t mind coming to spend a little time in Las Pegasus.”         “And who would that be?” Mom asked.         “Starlight Glimmer.” She replied. "With a mare like that, what could go wrong?"