Epilogue
Big Mac slowly trotted down the hill toward towards the Apple family farmhouse. Not much had changed except the bunk house for the new farm hands was finished, as was the chuck house. Additionally, the new acreage he’d been preparing just before his unintended trip was finished and had been planted with saplings, all laid out in nice, neat rows. The stallion briefly changed direction to check out the new orchard, only to discover that instead of apples, Applejack had planted pears. He remembered that she and he had discussed something like this. Pears were popular and if the trees took well they might have a nice, very profitable cash crop, the proceeds of which they could put aside for Applebloom’s college education. The only hitch was who would try running the idea past Granny Smith. His sister had apparently taken the initative.
Turning, he continued trotting toward the farm house. The sun was just above the horizon and several ponies were relaxing on the bunkhouse porch waiting for supper. They waived cheerfully at Big Mac. The alicorn never missed a beat as he waved back and continued on to the farmhouse.
He had it all planned out in his head. A quick family reunion with assurances that he was back and whole, perhaps he’d even a rustle up a cup of coffee. The stallion hadn’t had a descent cup or bite to eat since beginning his adventure, which seemed almost like forever. Hugs and kisses all around, then a quick trip to Canterlot via Discord’s mirror and a passionate welcome home from Luna.... after she finished throwing things at him for vanishing in the first place. He wasn’t quite sure of that last bit, but having lived most of his life with three mares he understood the possibility existed.
He peeked in the window, his hoof poised on the door and looked inside. Granny Smith and Funnel Cake were putting the finishing touches on supper while Applebloom set the table. Big Mac counted six places, then scratched his head wondering who the other two place settings were meant for. Applejack was at the desk working on the farm ledger, closing it out for the day. It looked like a typical end of day on Sweet Apple Acres.
Grasping the door handle he pushed it open and trotted in, closing the door behind him. Granny was in the middle of scooping scalloped apples from her frying pan onto a serving plate. She looked up and squinted. “Big Mac? It that you?”
The stallion smiled and trotted up to her intending to give her a kiss on the cheek. “Eyeeup!”
WHAAMM! The alicorn prince dropped to the floor, seeing more stars than he thought rightly belonged in his head. The frying pan continued to sound with a resonant tone for several seconds.
“Ah done told ya once, ya dad gum doodle dragon. Don’t come inta ma house wearing ma grand-colt like a suit of clothes. Ah don’t care who yer friend’s with or what ya thought ya was doin... Ah told ya what would happen and now ya knows Ah wasn’t foolin’.”
Applejack’s face appeared just beyond the stallion’s muzzle, looking to see what was going on. “Discord? Didn’t Fluttershy have that talk with you? Ah’m surprised to see ya didn’t listen to what she said.”
“Howdy AJ. How come there are five o’ ya?” Big Mac mumbled as he tried to refocus his eyes.
WHAAMM.
“Granny would y’all put away the skillet?” the orange mare asked. She got her brother back on his hooves and led him, staggering, over to the couch. “Ah’d recommend either ya change back right now or Ah’m gonna have ta get ma own frying pan and knock some sense inta y’all.”
There was a sudden pop of air behind her along with an easily recognizable voice. “Change back to what? I spent hours sprucing up this body just to spend supper with you and your family.”
Applejack turned around to see both Discord and Fluttershy standing next to Granny Smith. The buttercup yellow pegasus was wearing a wide smile on her face.
“Applejack... Just before coming here we got the most wonderful news from Doctor Whooves...” Fluttershy stopped and stared at the figure lying on the couch. “Oh... It looks like you already know.”
A couple icepacks, some aspirin and a bag of frozen peas later the stallion was beginning to feel a bit more like himself and less like a piñata.
“Sorry Ah clocked ya on the head, boy,” Granny Smith said, “But this here snake’s been running around playin’ dress up in yer body fer the last month.”
“Snake?” asked Discord.
“Month?” asked Big Mac.
“Actually, it was a little more than five weeks now since you teleported off to that other Equestria,” said Applejack.
“Ya know?”
“Uh Huh. Discord here knew you was in another world, like Twilight’s human friends, but he couldn’t pick out exactly where y’all was.”
“Sadly, the temporal distortion between there and here got worse the longer you were gone,” explained the draconequus. “Interdimensional physics are so chaotic even I have a rough time understanding all the threads.”
“So that’s why y’all stopped talking ta me over there?”
“Indeed. And before you ask, the only reason I was impersonating you was because it was a royal command from Princess Sun Butt. They didn’t want more than a few ponies to know you were gone.”
Big Mac put a hoof to his forehead. The thought of what Discord might have done while looking like him would have been enough to give him a headache, if he didn’t already have one. “So, uh, no one’s told the Princesses Ah’m back?”
“Well,” replied Discord, “I did send that mad pony with the blue box over to pass the word to Celestia and Luna, but I can’t guarantee how long it will take him, relatively speaking.”
The stallion moved, intending to push himself up off the couch. “In that case, Ah’d better get on over ta the castle...”
He was stopped when the draconequus put out a paw. “If I were you, I’d wait a little while before charging off.”
“Wait? Wait for what?”
Almost as if on cue there were a series of crashing noises coming from upstairs, followed by the scrabbling of claws over polished hardwood.
“For that,” replied Discord.
Something small and black tore down the stairs, making an Olympian leap from the floor onto Big Mac and began desperately licking him all over the face.
The stallion looked over at Applejack. “When did y’all get a cat?”
The animal paused in mid lick and looked at the alicorn. “Cat?” it muttered, looking down at itself. “DISCORD!!!” it yelled in a Royal Canterlot that sounded suspiciously like Luna. There was a sudden burst of magic and the echoing laugh of a draconequus coming from somewhere upstairs. Big Mac suddenly found himself with Princess Luna lying atop of him. The extra weight of the moon princess caused him to slide off the couch and onto the floor. Luna ignored this as she locked lips with the stallion. The two held each other so tightly it was hard to see where one alicorn started and the other ended.
Discord looked at Fluttershy who was blushing hard enough to be mistaken for a stop light. “Let’s let them have a little privacy, shall we?” He snapped his fingers and in a flash Prince, Princess and couch vanished into the ether.
“Discord! What in tarnation did ya do ta them?” Applejack demanded.
“Don’t get your hairbands in a twist. I just sent them up to the gazebo. I figured having things wrap up where they started would be a nice touch.”
It took both Big Mac and Luna nearly twenty minutes to notice they were no longer in the farmhouse. “Now this is a right good idea. Just wish Ah’d thought of it..
“Thought of what, darling.”
“Puttin’ a couch out here in the gazebo. Then we could sleep under yer night sky any time we wanted... After y’all finish with night court of course.”
“Don’t forget, I get most of my sleeping done during the day.”
“Ah don’t think sleepin’ out here during the day would be a good idea. Too much of a chance some farm hand might stumble on us while we were.... otherwise occupied.”
“I don’t see how that’s a problem. You can just tell them you were doing some plowing.”
“Plowin’?” the stallion asked. “Ah don’t quite get what ya mean.”
Luna looked at Big Mac with half slitted eyes. “Want me to show you what I mean?” she asked seductively.
It took him only a moment to catch on and when he did he looked down at the Moon Princess and smiled.
“Eeeyup!”
THE END (fer now?)