Bulletproof Heart

by PaulAsaran


Episode 24: Southward Bound Redux

18th of Rising Heat, 1006 BA

Straddling Ophelia, Rarity let out a long yawn in the evening light. Her sleep had been troubled as of late, not because of nightmares but due to an inability to relax. But she shrugged it off, having gone through such things before. Instead, she kept her attention on the others. Tonight was the deadline, and they were setting up to turn east for Hoofington. Octavia, astride her own light purple lizard, appeared perfectly in control of her situation. She would make a good leader, for what little time she’d accepted the role. They’d already said their goodbyes, with Octavia reminding Rarity that her offer for Sweetie remained on the table.

While everyone was settling in for the next phase of their journey, Peachy Pitt rode up to Rarity. “Hey, Miss Belle.”

Rarity smiled for the green unicorn, managing not to wince at the cracks in her horn this time. “Peachy. How’s that memory of yours holding up?”

Peachy grinned and tapped the side of her head. “Holding up just fine. I remember every word of our little ‘interview’ last night, thanks.” Growing more somber, she leaned forward to quietly ask, “Is it alright if I ask you one more question, though?”

The query came as no surprise, save that it hadn’t happened earlier. “Certainly. I’m not sure how you managed to choose just one. I imagine there are a lot going through that inquisitive head of yours.”

“It was easy.” Unlike much of the interview the night before – unlike how she was nearly all the time, really – Peachy appeared deathly serious. “A lot of ponies are noticing that you’re…” She worked her lips, eyes narrowing as she considered her word choice. “Tense. I mean no offense when I say this, but you don’t seem happy.”

The smile drifted from Rarity as she stared at the mare. She felt the smokey tendrils of that now-familiar fire inside, but kept it down with practiced ease. “I’m not hearing a question.”

Peachy hesitated, unable to meet her gaze. “Do you regret the decision to come out here?”

Ah. That was a good question. An entirely appropriate one, though Rarity understood Peachy’s hesitancy about it. Her thoughts drifted to all the fights she’d been in, the ponies she’d killed, the anger and frustration. Flintlock, Orchard, and TomTom. The rage that lingered just beneath the surface even now, ready to unleash itself with the right provocation.  It would be so easy to acknowledge it and all the pain she’d been feeling in the last year.

Easy, but not accurate. Rarity turned her eyes to the ponies now preparing to leave for Hoofington. Ponies who less than a week earlier had been prisoners with little hope for the future. That alone was enough to sway her opinion, but then she had to consider Spike, Fluttershy, and Starlight. The Pies, Miss Hooves, and Shining Armor. Others she’d met along the way.

Her answer was an easy one to reach. “To be clear, I hate what my life has become.” She made that declaration with bitter firmness, her gaze returning to Peachy. “But I don’t regret my decisions. I’ve helped, and that is the most important thing.”

Peachy met her eyes at last, and gave a small smile. “That’s good to know. If you’re ever in Seaddle sometime, look me up, huh? You’ll always be welcome in my home.”

As Peachy went back to join the others, Rarity looked to the nearby wagon in time to see Cranky climb out the back. He appeared grim and defeated, with shoulders slumped and eyes downcast. Donning his hat, he climbed onto Cerulean and approached. “Miss Belle.”

“I’m sorry to say it, Deputy, but you look a mess.” Leaning towards him, Rarity asked, “Are you sure this is what you want to do?”

“Applejack beat me, fair and square. She can protect Coco and Sweetie better than I can.” He sighed and glanced back at the wagon. “I don’t have to like it to know it’s the right thing to do.”

“I find that dubious at best,” Rarity muttered, then raised her voice to proper speaking levels. “You once promised to protect Coco with your life. I suppose it’s my turn to do the same.”

“You don’t even have to,” he replied with a wan smile. “I know you’ll do everything in your power to keep them safe. Just wish the kid hadn’t grown on me like she did.”

Rarity was taken aback. “You mean that?”

“No,” he groused. “But let me keep at least the illusion of a reputation, alright?”

She chuckled and nodded. “If that’s the way you want it, old fart.” Her laughter died at his puzzled expression. “What?”

“Nothing.” He shrugged. “It’s just that you never would have used such language a year ago. It reminds me of just how much you’ve changed since Spurhoof.”

Applejack chose that moment to ride up on Moonshine. “Looks like Octavia’s ready to ride. Time to say our goodbyes.”

Having tensed up with Applejack’s presence, Rarity nodded. “Right. And what will you do after this, Cranky?” She ignored the pained look Applejack attained after having been so readily dismissed.

“Gonna visit Midnight,” he said without hesitation. “That’s overdue. Then probably head back to Spurhoof.”

Rarity’s ears perked. “Really?”

“Really.” He gave her an appraising look, eyes drifting to Silver Lining for a moment. “I was going to meet up with you again, but it’s become increasingly clear you don’t need my help to get by. And since you don’t like having others involved with your problems, I figured it’s time to give you your space.”

She could only stare, his words rendering her temporarily speechless. That he of all people would say such a thing… “Cranky… I…”

“That being said, if you need help you can contact me any time. I’ll answer the call, Miss Belle.” He tipped his hat to her, then to Applejack. “Good luck out there, ladies. And don’t die on me, or I’ll be talking to your mothers about it.”

Rarity didn’t know what stunned her more, that he was offering his services at any time she might need them or that he’d actually made a joke about the situation. She watched him go, torn between a sense of potentially misplaced pride in his trust and the desire to keep journeying with him. Her momentary and confusing high was only ended when she noticed how pale Applejack had gotten. “What’s the matter with you?”

Flinching, Applejack glanced away with a cough. “Nothin’. It’s just… My mother may be the last pony I’d ever want him to meet.”

That, Rarity decided, was not a topic she wanted to get into right now. Instead, she turned her attention to the approaching sound of flapping wings. She was greeted by Roan Quill, the griffon child, who landed a few feet away and promptly set her hands behind her back and looked to the ground. “Um, th-thank you for letting me come along, Miss Belle.”

“Think nothing of it, Darling.” Rarity smiled as sweetly as she could for the young griffon. “I want you to get home just as much as you do. I’m happy to have you along if it achieves that goal more quickly.”

Smiling behind her beak, Roan nodded enthusiastically. “I can make my way back once we get to Rockstead. The wagon’s ready to go when you are.”

“No time like the present.” Rarity turned her head to her… ‘companion’. “Applejack?”

Still looking a little sour, Applejack nodded. “Ready and waitin’.”

“Then let’s waste no more time.”

They began their ride south, leaving the former hostages behind at last. Roan flew to the wagon, taking the driver’s seat. After calling a warning to Sweetie and Coco inside, she flicked the reins of the massive brown Thick Scale named Dune. They soon lost sight of the others amongst the desolate hills. Despite her apprehension, Rarity couldn’t help feeling a little relieved.

Maybe now she could get a break.


“Rarity?”

She looked up from the bedroll she’d been preparing in the shade of the wagon. “Yes, Sweetie?”

Climbing from the back of the wagon, Sweetie knelt by the wheel to look at the roll. “Won’t you sleep inside?”

Rarity blinked at the query. This was the first time her sister had asked such a thing. “But somepony needs to stay outside to keep watch for danger.”

“Applejack can do that. She already volunteered, didn’t she?”

“And if she shouts a warning, I want to be ready at a moment’s notice.” Rarity waved a dismissive hand at the wagon. “I can’t do that in there.” She should know, she’d had experience. Even after three seasons, she could still vividly recall the sound of Saltwater’s neck snapping. A fresh shudder ran through her at the memory.

“But…” Sweetie’s face scrunched up. She looked as though she wanted to argue, but was either holding back or couldn’t find the right words. After a few seconds of this, she asked, “Then can I stay out here with you?”

That one hit her like a slap in the face, a bitter reminder that despite having her little sister so close, she’d not really had much chance to spend time with her. Allowing herself a moment to consider, she realized that there was no reason to deny Sweetie’s request. In fact, the idea of spending the day close to her sent warm fuzzies drifting about Rarity’s chest. She smiled and said, “It won’t be as comfortable.”

“That’s okay.” Sweetie smiled back. “I’ll take it if it means spending more time with you.”

Oh, that was a nice feeling! Rarity nodded and sat on her bedroll. “Alright, then. Just make sure Coco has everything she needs for the day first.”

“Got it!” Sweetie all but bounced away, giggling as she did.

As soon as she’d gone, Rarity turned her attention to the one negative of the moment. Applejack was settled next to a small fire where she was cooking a stew. Winona sat at her side, liking her lips and staring at the pot hungrily. The thought of the Apple being the only one awake amongst their group turned the little warm fuzzies to icicles that crashed unpleasantly in the bottom of Rarity’s rib cage. “I trust you’ll wake me when it’s my turn to go on watch?”

Not turning to look at her, Applejack replied, “Only if I can trust you not to shoot me for doin’ so.”

“I won’t shoot you, Applejack,” she groused, not bothering to mention how she might want to on occasion. “Provided your hands stay where they belong.” Applejack merely grunted in reply.

As much as Rarity wanted to lie down, she instead kept upright. It wouldn’t do to fall asleep before Sweetie got back, and with how tired she felt that was a distinct possibility. She let out a long yawn and wondered if she’d do any better today. Sleep was proving to be a much-desired commodity lately.

Sweetie came skipping back a few minutes later, levitating her own sleeping roll along behind her. “Coco’s all set up! I promised to check on her around noon or so. Could you wake me up for that, Miss Applejack?”

Turning to offer a smile, Applejack replied, “Y’all don’t have to worry about that, Sugarcube. I can check on Coco for ya.”

Sweetie shook her head vehemently. “Nope. Taking care of Coco’s my job now, so wake me up.”

Rarity set a hand on Sweetie’s shoulder, immediately catching her attention. “Do keep it down, Sweetie? Don’t forget Roan’s trying to sleep.” They glanced in unison at the young griffon hen, who lay curled in a tiny ball of fur and feathers next to Dune. She made soft little purring sounds with every breath, a pleasant smile behind her beak. It seemed griffons did really well in the sun, for she had no apparent need for shade.

“Right. Sorry.” Sweetie nodded and went back to setting up her sleeping roll such that it was in contact with Rarity’s. “But seriously, Miss Applejack. I want you to wake me up. I promised Coco, after all.”

“If y’all insist, I’ll wake you up.” Applejack turned back to the stew pot, adding pleasantly, “Just don’t go whining when I do, deal?”

“Deal.” Giggling, Sweetie lay down on her roll, snuggling up to Rarity once she’d reclined on her back as well.

Things were quiet for a while. Rarity tried closing her eyes, but every few seconds had to open them to ensure Applejack was keeping her distance. Every time she did, she found the mare right were she’d been before. Perhaps she was just being paranoid. Scratch that, she knew paranoia guided her actions. If only she could cast it aside and get some sleep. She rolled towards Sweetie Belle, her back to the earth pony, in hopes of getting over the issue. If anything, that made her even more anxious.

“Sis?”

On any other day, Rarity might have been annoyed. Today, she was just happy for the distraction. “Yes, Sweetie?”

“Could you tell me about Spurhoof?”

Her eyes popped open, taking in the long face of her sibling. “Whyever would you want to know about that?”

Sweetie shifted, her finger fiddling with one of Rarity’s shirt buttons. “I’ve heard all about the Bulletproof Heart. But I want to know about before her. I want to know what your life was like when you weren’t…”

At her hesitancy, Rarity asked, “Come now. Weren’t what?”

Seeming to shrink a little, Sweetie whispered, “So angry.”

The ice returned to Rarity’s chest in full force. The little pony in the back of her head was shooting her a dirty look, as if to say See? I told you so. That Sweetie was so aware of her feelings like this said much about how poorly she’d hidden them.

“Sweetie… I…” What was she supposed to say? Sweetie might not even be capable of understanding. She felt as if she should apologize for something. For being angry? Yes. Maybe. Rarity thought back on how she’d exploded at Cranky the other day, or when she’d slapped Applejack back in Ponyville. Surely, Sweetie must think her a ticking time bomb at this point, just waiting for when she would next unleash fire and fury on some unsuspecting pony. A fresh chill made itself known at the thought that Sweetie might be afraid of her. “I’m so so—”

“No.” Sweetie hugged her tight. Face buried in Rarity’s shirt, she shook her head. “Don’t apologize. There’s nothing wrong with being upset. It’s okay. I j-just… I want to know there were good times while you were gone, too.” She hesitantly added, “There were good times, right?”

Oh, dear Sweetie Belle. Still just a child, yet you’ve grown so much wiser than your bumbling sister.

The ice melted. Rarity held Sweetie close and her tears back. “Yes, Sweetie. There were good times. Years’ worth.” With a weak chuckle, she patted the foal on the head. “They might bore you though.”

Pulling back, Sweetie smiled up at her. “Boring is fine, as long as you were happy. That’s the big sister I want to remember.”

She smiled back and nodded. “Very well. Happy memories. Where to begin?”


A few days later. The Sunpeaks remained visible to the west, but the scenery had begun the gradual shift from sparsely vegetated browns and greys to a more light, sandy brown and the occasional spot of red. It was a far cry from when Rarity had travelled south via the Eerie Cliffs in the east, where the landscape hardly changed even outside the Bowl. This land was no less hilly, but it seemed far less rugged and threatening. The slopes were smooth and rolling, not sharp, and the ground wasn’t so hard.

Still plenty of dead or withered trees, though.

According to Rarity’s map and Applejack’s experience, they were about to exit the Bowl of Equestria proper. Their plan was to follow the Sunpeaks ringing the Great Salt Plains until they reached The Corner, where the Sunpeaks met the Dragon’s Teeth. At their current pace it would take them a little over five weeks to arrive, and then they still had to follow the Teeth for an extra three weeks to reach Rockstead.

Rarity didn’t mind the distance. It just meant more time with Sweetie and Coco before they inevitably separated again.

Today marked the first time in the trip they’d be travelling by day. They’d been transitioning to that gradually, a couple hours at a time. Sweetie and Roan had difficulty keeping up with the steady shift in the sleep routine, though they never complained about having to stay awake a few hours later every day. It would be good to have them back on a regular schedule. Poor Sweetie appeared more and more tired by the day. Rarity and Applejack had already agreed to give them an extra hour of sleep for the next couple days to make up for the trouble.

With the threat of the Apples well behind them, Rarity had finally begun to relax. Today she let Sweetie ride Ophelia, something her sister was thrilled to try as she’d developed a fondness for the pale Dust Devil. For herself, Rarity did something she’d been wanting for a long while: riding with Coco in the wagon.

The young mare held Ruby Heart in both of her small hands, observing it from every angle. Rarity was tempted to tell her not to look down the barrel, even if she’d taken the ammo cartridge out and fired the round that had been inside. Coco remarked, “I’m no gun expert, but this looks like fine art compared to the types of guns I usually see.”

“It is lovely,” Rarity had to admit, smiling despite herself. “I was told it was found in the Siren’s Pass.”

“Found?” Coco tittered. “I don’t suppose they tried to tell you it was made by sirens, too?”

“No, but the location certainly meant something to him.” Rarity took a sip from her canteen as Coco aimed the gun at the back of the wagon. “I really must thank him. Ruby Heart has saved my life on a few occasions.”

“Him who?”

Rarity paused, realizing she’d talked herself into a trap of her own making. She’d not intended to reveal Spike to anypony until they reached Rockstead. Still, it didn’t seem as though there was much point in hiding everything at this juncture. “His name is Spike. He’s a… wealthy banker living near Rockstead. It is he I have asked to look after you and my family.”

Lowering the gun to her lap, Coco asked, as innocently as could be, “Is he your coltfriend?”

Choking on the words she’d been about to utter, Rarity turned to gape at her friend. “What? No. That’s not possible.”

Coco’s head tilted to the side as she frowned. “‘Not possible’? I get if you’re not interested in him but surely it’s not ‘not possible’.”

“No, I assure you, ‘not possible’ is an accurate statement.” Rarity couldn’t help but smile at the very idea. A massive thing like Spike, in a relationship with a tiny pony like her? His eye alone was as big as she was! “He is a dear friend who helped me out in a time of dire need, but I’m afraid it doesn’t go any further than that.”

Coco’s frown grew, and now there was a touch of sadness to her expression. “Let me get this straight. A random stallion, apparently wealthy and powerful, is just… helping you out of the goodness of his heart? Expecting nothing in return whatsoever?”

Rarity fidgeted, one hand touching her necklace. “What are you getting at?”

Tapping her fingers together in a meek display, Coco asked, “Are you sure he knows there’s nothing happening between you?”

It was enough to make Rarity laugh out loud. It wasn’t a quick laugh, either, but a long one full of relief. Rarity wasn’t sure why the idea struck her as so funny, but it kept her going for long enough that only the need to breathe put an end to it. Wiping a tear from her eye, she caught Coco’s distraught look and grinned. “Coco, Spike is old. Very old. Think ‘old enough to be my grandfather’, then go beyond that. He’s positively ancient.”

“Oh.” Coco held her anxious poise, expression frozen in a state of wide-eyed, ears-to-the-ceiling surprise. Then she giggled and relaxed. “Wow, okay, nevermind. For a moment there I really thought you were going to end up hurting the poor stallion.”

“He’s a sweetheart, for all his appearance might suggest otherwise.” Idly, Rarity realized that Spike’s age might not mean anything considering he was a dragon, but she elected not to bring that little tidbit up. She’d just started to enjoy herself, and it wouldn’t do to let confusing things like that get in the way. Spike was a friend, and there was no way he’d see her in such a light. “It will be good to see him again.”

“I can’t wait to thank him.” Coco reached down to take up the Ruby Heart once more. “It was very generous of him to give you this. I figured only somepony with amorous interests would offer such a lovely gift, but I guess that’s just the romantic in me talking.” She offered the gun to Rarity, who accepted it and replaced the ammo cartridge. “It’s still hard to believe you’ve come to appreciate it so much.”

Pausing with Ruby Heart halfway to its holster under her vest, Rarity asked, “How so?”

“You used to loathe guns, Rarity.”

She couldn’t deny that. Slowly, Rarity pulled the weapon back out and stared at it in one hand. One hand. She used to have trouble holding it with two, but now it remained as steady as could be. She took out Silver Lining, held it beside Ruby Heart. It was so easy to control them now. “You lose a lot of your delusions,” she whispered. “When your back’s against the wall and your life is on the line, you come to realize that diplomacy won’t solve everything. It was a hard lesson, but I’d be dead now without it.”

And there went her mood. Rarity sighed and lowered the weapons to her lap. Bowing her head, she said, “You’re right. I once hated guns. And now I appreciate them. So much so that I get a little protective of these two. I’ve really changed since Spurhoof, haven’t I?” She’d tried to make that last part sound chipper, but even her ears could detect how forced it had been.

Leaning forward, Coco rested her hands on one of Rarity’s. Her eyes shone with concern. “Are you going to be okay?”

Rarity wanted to laugh at the question. A sigh escaped her, instead. “I don’t know. I’m trying, and hoping, but… I don’t know.”

A moment of quiet passed between them as Rarity thought on all the issues that had been burdening her in the last few seasons. That alone was enough to reignite her fire. Not wanting to let her ever-present anger come out in front of Coco, she kicked those negative thoughts into the broom closet of her mind and slammed the door. That done, she put Silver Lining and Ruby Heart away.

“I’d rather not talk about this at the moment,” she said with what she hoped was a pleasant smile. “Come, Coco, we’ve barely had time to spend together. Let’s enjoy it while it lasts, hmm?”

Coco’s eyes became nothing short of pitying. “So you’re just going to bottle it up?”

A slow breath. No negativity. No anger. “I can always unleash those emotions on any Apples or bounty hunters who make an appearance.”

“And be miserable in the meantime.” Coco sighed and closed her eyes. “Rarity…”

“I am aware of how you feel about it,” Rarity said before Coco’s thoughts could coalesce into words. “I know a lot of ponies feel the same way. But I don’t have much time with you and Sweetie, and I want that time to be as positive as possible.”

“For nine weeks? Can you hold it in that long?”

She opened her mouth, closed it again. Yes, she’d probably lose her temper at some point before they arrived. Maybe a few times. But if she held it in most of the time, that would make the rest of the trip happy, right? And once she got Sweetie and Coco safely under Spike’s protection, she could go out and unleash Tartarean fury on her enemies. It would be bloody catharsis, but catharsis regardless.

By Luna’s stars, was she actually looking forward to slaughtering Apples now?

“Rarity?”

She might become more like the Vermillion than she’d thought. What if the next site of burning corpses was her own doing? No. She couldn’t be that pony. She mustn’t let it happen!

“Are you okay?”

But she was so frustrated. The Gang wouldn’t leave her alone. The bounty hunters wouldn’t stop coming. She’d have to fight. To kill. The Vermillion said she’d only get better, and she had been, hadn’t she? She was a walking bullet dispenser, leaving a trail of bodies in her wake. How long before she started counting kills as though to keep some kind of twisted score?

“Rarity!”

She could see it now. They’d meet once a season to compare notes and see who’d killed more Apples since their last encounter. They’d joke about the inventive ways they’d committed their individual acts of wanton murder. The Vermillion would water her fury in the garden of her mind, ripening it into a bitter, violent whirlwind of rage and hatred until—

Rarity!

She was shaking, and not just because of Coco jostling her. Swallowing to ease her dry throat, Rarity remembered what she was doing and felt foolish for descending into her vile thoughts. “I’m sorry, Coco. I… You shouldn’t be moving about.”

“I’m fine.” Slowly, cringing, Coco settled back on her blankets.

“No, you’re not.” Rarity helped her lay back down, but her gaze was on the royal sigil on her wrist. What would the Sisters think of her in this state? She whispered a mournful, “I’m not.”

“I gathered.” At last comfortably resting against the wall of the wagon, Coco sighed. “Please don’t bottle it in. You’re only hurting yourself.”

Back into her sitting position, Rarity continued to stare at the crest against her pale skin. Was it true that Celestia and Luna could see her through it? Goddess, she hoped not. “I don’t want to be a burden.”

“One of the advantages of having friends and family is that we don’t mind you being one.” Coco smiled and grasped Rarity’s wrist with her supple fingers, obscuring the symbol from Rarity’s view. “You should take advantage of it while you still can.”

Coco’s touch, strangely cool, felt disproportionally good from what Rarity would have expected. She grasped that hand with her own and offered a feeble smile. “Since when did you get so wise and assertive?”

“Since somepony forced me to leave Spurhoof.” Coco’s smile grew wry. “Cranky’s got a way of instilling confidence in ponies.”

Rarity’s ears perked, sensing an opportunity she’d long been after. That it would redirect from the current topic was a bonus. Flashing a wicked smile, she said, “You two got really close while I was away.”

Coco blinked, then narrowed her eyes. “You’re trying to distract me.”

Not even bothering to deny it, Rarity sat back and touched a finger to her chin, faking a contemplative expression. “If someone as old as him can get with someone as young as you, perhaps Spike isn’t so out of my range as I thought.”

“Th-that’s not funny!” Coco, eyes wide and expression panicked, pointed an accusing finger at Rarity. “It’s not like that and you know it!”

In truth, this wasn’t quite the reaction Rarity had been going for. She wasn’t about to complain, instead waggling her eyebrows at the furiously blushing young mare. “My, my. Getting a little defensive, are we not?”

After her lips flapped out some indecipherable squeaks, Coco pressed her hands to her face and whined. “Rarity, sto~op!”

Giggles ran through Rarity, bringing back some much needed cheer. Still, she figured she shouldn’t torment Coco too much. She poked her friend’s shoulder playfully. “Come now, Darling, I’m only teasing. Seriously, I’m not going to judge you. Though he does seem a tad old for you, I must say.”

“The idea is just so… so embarrassing!” Coco turned away, nibbling on the tip of her thumb as she stared at the canvas of the wagon. “Me, with him?”

“I don’t hear you denying the possibility,” Rarity noted wryly. The whimpering response brought out another giggle. “Okay, okay, I’ll stop. For now.”

“Cranky, he’s…” Groaning, Coco settled back into her sheets and stared at the ceiling with a grim frown. “I don’t think I ‘like’ like him. He’s not really ‘coltfriend’ material. But I… I do like him. I wish I knew what I was feeling.”

Rarity cocked her head. “A crush?”

“Rarity…”

“I assure you, I’m perfectly serious.” Rarity smiled warmly at her former apprentice. “He’s not a bad guy to have one on, if it’s any consolation.”

“It’s not a crush.” Crossing her arms and pouting, Coco added, “And don’t think I’ve forgotten about the real issue here. You’re just trying to keep me from talking about your problems.”

Taking on a haughty pose and wagging her finger, Rarity declared, “A crush is no small issue.”

“Compared to an identity and ethical crisis of the soul?”

Rarity flinched. “You make it sound so much worse than…” She couldn’t bring herself to finish that sentence, perhaps because she knew it would be a bald-faced lie. She sighed and shook her head. “You’re not going to let me catch a break, are you?”

“You’re the one that needs to give yourself a break,” Coco countered, but without any aggression. “I just want you to be happy. All this worrying and anger, it’s unhealthy. If you need to vent, that’s fine.”

“I’ve done that to too many ponies as it is, and this entire argument is getting circular.” And she really didn’t feel like going through it again. “I appreciate the concern, Coco. Really, I do. But can we please just… not? At least right now? I promise, I’ll try to do better, but for now I just want to distract myself from the issue.”

Coco’s face contorted into a variety of expressions ranging from frustration to concern to sadness before finally settling on acceptance. “I suppose I can understand that. If anypony’s earned a break, it’s you.”

“Thank you.” And Rarity meant it. She held Coco’s hand and shared a silent, smiling moment with her. It was curious, seeing her like this. And not just for the bullet wound she was still recovering from. She’d really grown since they’d parted ways. It had only been a year, but Coco seemed less like a ‘young mare’ and more like a self-assured, confident woman. It was… refreshing.

And curious. “So, tell me. What happened to you after you left Spurhoof?”

The blush returned as Coco averted her eyes. “Oh, it’s nothing that interesting, really.”

“Maybe to you, but I want to know.” Leaning forward and flashing her most hopeful smile, Rarity offered a dainty, “Please?”

Coco raised an eyebrow. “That looks more like something you’d do to a naïve colt than an old friend.”

“So I miscalculated,” Rarity grumbled. “Come on, Coco! I missed a whole year.” Whatever words were meant to come next died in her throat. Ignoring Coco’s curious gaze, she closed her eyes and recalled the date she’d looked up this morning while performing her navigational duties. “Tomorrow’s the twenty-fifth.”

“Uh-huh. What about it?”

Rarity opened her eyes to stare at her former apprentice. She could still recall the ruffian Piles trying to remove Coco’s clothes, even as she stood helplessly by as Braeburn’s plaything. And now they were here again, such very different ponies. “Tomorrow will be the anniversary of Braeburn’s death.”

Coco’s lips parted slightly as she stared. All she managed was a quiet “Oh.”

“A year already.” Rarity turned her gaze to the back of the tent, towards the vast expanse left in their wake. “It hardly seems like so long that I was making pretty dresses and giving weekly donations to the Church.”

Her ear giving a small twitch, Coco, asked, “How does it make you feel?”

Rarity was quiet for a time, her eyes drifting around the wagon interior. The three crates of food, their cans occasionally rattling as the wagon rocked. Her backpack from Hoofington, enchanted to be lighter in weight, the Everflame Log at its side. Dust and sand everywhere, coating the inside of the wagon in a thin film. Sunlight streamed in through the rear of the wagon, revealing tiny floating particles of fine sand. Sweat on her skin, little more than an afterthought after so many seasons of familiarity with it. A sigil of the Church on her wrist, as black as the day she’d been given it. Her jeans, shirt, and vest had been ripped and repaired by her expert hand so many times, her work marked by the thin lines of thread that kept her clothes useable. The jacket, Limestone’s, which she’d had to repair before even the first use, but which didn’t burn her up like she’d feared.

Just one year ago, she’d been wearing a pretty new dress made by her own two hands and horn. She’d spoken to Cleric Walker, who lectured her about being too generous to the Church, of all things. And Night Squash, who’d been complaining about thieves taking from her family garden. They had been planning to build her son and husband a shelter, and the idea had brought forth Rarity’s trademark passion. A passion that nowadays was aimed more towards staying alive and protecting those she loved.

Kind Mr. Gold, always happy to see her every week. His two employees; Tidewind who always had a smart, witty remark on the tip of her tongue, or the flighty Crème Brûlée who dreamed of being pampered by a stallion someday.

And dear Cranky, always stalking around on Piecazzo. Everypony knew that as long as the grouchy old donkey was in town, they were safe. And dear Piecazzo, who always seemed so happy when he crossed paths with Rarity. If she closed her eyes, she could still see his mangled face and hear his sad, pleading trill.

“I feel like the mare I was a year ago no longer exists,” she admitted, finally returning her attention to Coco. “I feel as though Rarity Belle died with Braeburn, and left the Bulletproof Heart behind to pick up the pieces.”

Chewing her lip for a bit, Coco reached out to hold Rarity’s hand. “The Bulletproof Heart will never replace Rarity Belle. You’re still that amazing, generous, loving mare. The same mare that took a lost young pony into her home and taught her how to be a proper seamstress. The fact you traded your skirts for jeans and carry a couple guns doesn’t change who you really are.”

Despite the hollow feeling within, Rarity smiled for Coco. “I don’t know about that.”

“Well, I do.” Coco returned the smile, her manner as warm as a fire on a cold desert night. “And you’ll see it too, Miss Belle. Someday.”

Squeezing Coco’s hand, Rarity wondered if she could possibly know how appreciative she was. Words wouldn’t do it justice. But right now she didn’t want to think about who she was or who she used to be. There was too much sadness in the concept. So she changed the course of their conversation. “Everypony in Equestria knows what I’ve been up to. Maybe I’d like to hear somepony else’s story for a little while.”

After taking a moment to think on that, Coco nodded. “Alright, I get it. But I’ll warn you, it’s pretty boring.”

Pleased her redirection worked, Rarity let out a gasp and set a hand to her chest in mock distress. “Boring? Darling, you are a pony of fashion, and fashion is never boring! I thought I taught you better than this. To even suggest such a barbaric way of thinking. It is clear you’ve been away from my tutelage for far too long.”

Grinning, Coco clasped her hands together and tried to take on a supplicating expression. “Oh, a thousand apologies, Miss Belle! Forgive this lowly apprentice’s trespass. Won’t you show benevolence and take me under your wing once more?”

With an exaggerated “hmmph”, Rarity crossed her arms and turned her head away, muzzle aimed high. “How do I know the lessons would even stick this time?”

“We’ve got almost a whole season,” Coco replied, gesturing to nothing in particular. “A shame we don’t have the needle and thread to do some real sewing.”

Rarity flashed her a knowing grin. “Oh, not to worry. Where you’re going, there will be no shortage of that.”

And so they discussed Coco’s own adventure, and Rarity tried not to think too hard about tomorrow’s anniversary.


As the days passed, the girls’ lives fell into a simple routine. They rode for much of the day, pausing to take breaks so as to keep from overheating beneath the scorching noonday sun. Applejack took to leading them in the mornings, always being awake before dawn. Apparently growing up on a farm made one inclined to such things. Rarity didn’t mind, as it gave her more time to spend with Coco and Sweetie in the mornings, but in the afternoons she would ride out front. Sometimes Applejack would join her, but not often. It seemed she was trying to keep her distance.

Coco had recovered enough by the second week that she could leave the wagon and tend to her own needs. Winona frequently accompanied her, and Rarity was hard pressed to figure out whether she was doing it on her own or on Applejack’s order – the dog seemed a lot smarter than her playful guise might suggest. Sometimes Coco would ask to guide the wagon or ride Ophelia or Moonshine, just for a change of pace. It would be a few weeks yet before she was fully healed, but being able to move about of her own volition did wonders for her and everypony else’s spirits.

Rarity wasted no time catching up with Sweetie Belle. The time she’d missed ate at her, and so she devoted at least a couple hours every day with her little sister. Sweetie was as energetic as ever, and always sought to be helpful in whatever she was doing. Rarity had forgotten that aspect of her sibling, but welcomed it now that Sweetie could be relied upon to do things without wreaking havoc in the process.

And all the things Rarity had missed! That she hadn’t gotten to see Sweetie’s first spell was tragic, but not so much as her first crush. Such an incredible lost opportunity for teasing. It would have been glorious. At least she could still poke fun at Sweetie by asking all sorts of devilishly embarrassing questions regarding preferences. What else were elder sisters for?

Since they were of similar age, Sweetie Belle and Roan Quill tried to get along. It was rough going at first as their respective cultures clashed. The fact Roan ate meat alone put a significant strain on their efforts. But they were stuck together, two young girls among the adults, and so some level of bonding was inevitable. It was a Sistersend that Roan seemed more… ‘civilized’ than those of her race Rarity had experience with. She was a sweet and caring young hen, ever worried that she might say something to offend her companions.

On a morning of the fourth week of travel, Rarity decided to sit with Roan at the front of the wagon. Roan had taken to guiding their Thick Scale, Dune, as if it were her personal job amongst the group. Nopony saw a reason to deny her the opportunity, especially since she seemed to have grown fond of the lumbering creature. Rarity and Roan had rarely spoken to one another, but that was fine by Rarity. She found the young hen to be pleasant company when one wanted to simply relax in companionable silence.

She was busy reviewing her map, noting that they were probably less than a day from the Evernight Passage. A curious landmark, that, and the easiest way to reach Las Pegasus over the mountains. Not that Rarity had any intention of heading that way. Not only was it in the complete wrong direction, that city was known for its lawlessness. The Mareami of the West, as it was known. And then there was the Everfree Forest beyond, a place Rarity never intended to visit.

“Umm… Miss Belle?”

Rarity’s ears perked, though she didn’t stop studying her map. It was a rare thing for Roan to speak to her directly. “Yes, Darling?”

“I, umm, is it…”

Long accustomed to the young hen’s trouble asking questions, Rarity rolled her map up and gave Roan a patient smile. She’d learned long ago that the best encouragement for her was silence.

After much fidgeting and stammering, Roan finally managed to say, “Is it alright if I asked you a question?”

“Of course.”

“Ab… About the Bulletproof Heart?”

Rarity felt her smile crack, silently cursing herself when Roan flinched. “Of course.”

Roan said nothing for some time, hunched down and looking away at a low angle. The feathers on the back of her neck stood up in what Rarity recognized as a sign of fear, although she’d also seen Roan express anger that way. Rarity didn’t press her, knowing curiosity would win in the end.

The griffon didn’t disappoint. “Is it… Is it true you fought griffons in the Scorched Plains?”

Crap. There was that ball of ice. Rarity hadn’t missed it. It had never occurred to her that Roan might have some lingering feelings regarding that. In hindsight, such a possibility should have been obvious. Maybe this explained why Roan seemed to be scared of her? Oh, the poor thing!

“I did have to fight them,” she conceded carefully. “Once. When they tried to enslave me and my fellow caravaners.”

To her surprise, Roan seemed to relax upon hearing that answer. The feathers on the back of her neck gradually flattened back out. “Oh, good. I th-thought you’d fought against my roost.”

Ah, here was a topic Rarity had been neglecting! What a delightful opportunity to do something about it. “Octavia told me you belonged to a roost in the Siren’s Fin?”

Smiling wistfully, the griffon nodded. “The Ashfeather Roost. We came out of hiding… forty years ago? Something like that. Our population has sorta blown up since then.”

Forty years? The Apex Roost in the Eerie Cliffs had been around more than twice that amount of time. Maybe thrice. It made Rarity wonder how many more were out there, hidden beneath Equestrian soil and just waiting for the appropriate time to emerge beneath Celestia’s sun once more. Still, the recent nature of this new roost’s arrival on the Equestrian stage, and in such a remote location, went a long ways towards explaining why she’d never heard of them.

Another thought came to mind, and this one had her ears folding back in concern. “In the last few years, the buffalo have been in open conflict with the griffons. Is that because of the emergence of the Ashfeathers?”

Appearing grim, Roan nodded. “I haven’t been home in ages, and I was young when the Apex Roost took me, but I remember we were running out of food. Fishing could only feed so many of us. I think Uncle Night Pinion wanted to grow crops in the Plains, but the tribes wouldn’t let us. I guess talks broke down.”

That would explain a lot. Rarity recalled the animosity the griffons of the Apex Roost… Wait. “You said the Apex Roost kidnapped you? As in not the Bad Apples?”

Roan gave another grim nod. “I don’t know why they took me, or why they gave me to the Bad Apples for safekeeping. I only know I wasn’t with the Apex griffons for very long.”

What kind of sinister secrets had just been revealed? Rarity wondered at what the Apex Roost and the Bad Apple Gang might be doing if they were working together. Perhaps it was a mere business partnership. She wouldn’t put it past the Gang to hire the Apex griffons to kidnap a hostage, but what in Equestria would they want from the Ashfeathers to warrant acquiring one? She could think of no way such an arrangement would benefit them. But there was an arrangement, and if it involved the Bad Apples then Rarity couldn’t completely ignore it. Doing so may very well come back to bite her in the future.

Yet this was all a problem for later. Right now this reminded her of an entirely different can of worms. “Roan, Darling? How did you intend to get back to the Ashfeather Roost safely when the Buffalo are at war with them?”

“Oh, that’ll be easy.” Roan offered a confident, reassuring smile behind her beak. “As long as I stick to the Dragon’s Teeth and cross at the Siren’s Pass, I’ll be fine. The Buffalo don’t consider the Pass to be part of their lands, so I won’t run into any of them. From there it’s just a two- or three-day flight over the mountains of the Fin.”

Rarity tried to envision such a journey in her head. The Fin, a small and mountainous peninsula, wasn’t near as rough as the Dragon’s Teeth from which it extended. Still, Roan was barely a teenager. “And you’re sure you can make that kind of journey?”

“Sure! Well…” The young hen hunched down a little and tapped two of her talons together bashfully. “I’ve, uh, never travelled by myself before, and it is a few days’ journey. B-but I’m sure I can handle it! How hard can it be?”

Indeed, that was the question of the hour. But since the silly hen had dared to say it in that particular way, something bad was bound to happen. Perhaps Rarity should consider bringing her to her roost personally?

She scowled at the thought. It had come so readily, so easily. Wasn’t this exactly the kind of thing she’d been telling herself to avoid? Roan could make the journey on her own, surely. She had to get out of this ridiculous habit of jumping to the rescue of every poor soul that made itself known to her!

“Umm, did I say something wrong?”

Shaking out of her thoughts, Rarity saw the worried, self-recriminating look on Roan’s face. “Oh. Oh! No, sorry, Darling. I was just… reminded of something. It’s nothing you did or said.”

Fidgeting with Dune’s reins, Roan struggled to form more words. “You’re sure? If I said something to offend…”

“You’re fine, Roan.” Rarity set a hand to the young griffon’s shoulder. “I’m just worried about you is all. It would be terrible for you to come so close to home just to fail at the last leg of the journey. Are you sure you won’t need any help?” She resisted the urge to cringe at the query. What was she doing, subtly offering her services when she just told herself to stop doing exactly that?

Roan hesitated, twisting the reins in her talons over and over again. “N-no, it’s alright. I’ve got to learn to make it on my own, right?” She nodded, seemingly more to herself than to Rarity. “The Bulletproof Heart can’t be everywhere. I-I need to learn to fend for myself.”

Though she lacked apparent confidence, the griffon’s words brought a swelling of pride to Rarity. “Well said. I would be happy to assist if you need it, but ponies like me won’t be around every time you need help.”

What am I doing?

Distancing myself from responsibility?

She’s only a child!

That doesn’t mean I have to hold her talon all the way to her roost. The fact that she has talons automatically makes her more able to survive compared to, say, Sweetie Belle.

A child. Travelling alone.

And to suggest she can’t do it is disrespectful to her!

Do I think her dear uncle would appreciate such a decision?

They’re griffons. They’re a warrior race.

Oh, now I’m just stereotyping.

Yeah, I’ll admit, that was tasteless.

The fact her inner voices had actually agreed on something for a change stalled the argument entirely. Rarity stared at the horizon, momentarily stumped. When she finally broke out of it, she found Roan staring at nothing, head bowed and expression troubled. “Roan?”

“Do you think a griffon could become like the Bulletproof Heart?”

Everything in Rarity’s brain screeched to a stop. “No!” She grabbed the young hen by the shoulders, forcing her to turn and face her. “This is not a game. It is not fun. It is scary and hard and you’re always afraid you or someone you love will die. For the Love of Luna, child, abandon that idea right now.”

Given Roan’s timid nature, Rarity expected many things. Perhaps she would cry, or try to run and hide, or maybe just go quiet. None of those things happened. Instead, Roan’s eyes hardened as they met Rarity’s with all the qualities of a blade poised to strike. They were so unlike anything Rarity would have expected from a fourteen-year-old that they made whatever else she planned to say fade from her thoughts.

“I’m not stupid, Miss Belle. I know I’m young, but I’m not stupid.” Roan jerked from Rarity’s already weakened grip and faced forward once more, her expression frigid. “I spent years as a prisoner of ponies. I woke up every morning wondering if that would be the day they’d take me away. They stole me from my own home. So, yes, I know it’s dangerous. I know I could die, and I’d appreciate you not putting down my own experiences with the Gang and the Apex Roost.”

Biting her lip to keep from snapping out a retort, Rarity allowed herself a moment of thought. She still suspected Roan of underestimating the dangers of the life the Bulletproof Heart led, but she could also acknowledge that might not be the case. Roan was right, she had forgotten that she wasn’t talking to a child ignorant of the threats. Her response had come in a rush brought on by fear, and not fair to Roan at all. Though she desired to properly explain herself, shame mixed with ongoing worry forced her to limit her response to a quiet, “I’m sorry.”

The young hen’s shoulders slowly lost their tension. She closed her eyes and sighed. “It’s okay. I know you meant well. And I didn’t mean I wanted to be you now. Or at all.” She bowed her head to stare at the reins in her talons. “It’s just that… there really is only one of you. If there had been more, maybe I wouldn’t have been stuck there so long. Maybe I never would have been kidnapped at all. I know you’re not happy, but you’re still an inspiration. Maybe if there were more Bulletproof Hearts in the world, things wouldn’t be so hard.”

An inspiration. For the first time in ages, Rarity thought of Troublemaker. She couldn’t even remember his real name, and for that she felt a touch guilty. Where was he? What was he up to? Come to think of it, she didn’t even know if he’d survived that little spat between the Apex Roost and the Buffalo. Her gaze drifted to the horizon, dry and radiating heat as it was. He’d looked up to her, hadn’t he? Another child inspired by the fabulous Bulletproof Heart. He could be a corpse and she’d have no way of knowing.

He wasn’t the only one. She’d not thought of Flintlock in a while. It hurt, like a ball of razors sitting where her heart should be, but at least she knew for sure that he was dead. Dead because he’d followed her lead, even if she hadn’t noticed.

“I took a pony under my wing once.” She waited until Roan was looking at her to continue. It took a while, but she was comforted that Roan appeared less eager and more concerned when she did. “I didn’t want to, but the boy was hopeless on his own. I feared if I didn’t at least teach him a thing or two he might end up dead. I never intended to have him around for more than a couple weeks.”

Though doing it made the ball of razors shift uncomfortably, Rarity made herself meet Roan’s gaze. “He’s dead now. Sacrificed himself so that the day could be won. I was an inspiration, and that led to death.” Releasing a slow breath and rubbing her necklace, Rarity faced forward once again, unable to raise her head. “So you see, Roan, I am not eager to have others try to follow in my hoofsteps.”

Roan said nothing, and for a time they merely rode together, keeping one another company. Rarity idly wondered if Coco had heard the entire exchange through the canvas. Possibly. At least Sweetie was up ahead on Ophelia, playing at being the leader with Applejack. That Rarity had dissuaded her own sister from trying to lead this kind of life was a great comfort.

After a long, brooding silence, Roan finally spoke up, albeit hesitantly. “I guess this means you really aren’t trying to restart the Rainbow Gang, huh?”

Restart the Rainbow Gang? Is that what the rumors were suggesting about her now? Or maybe Roan had developed that idea all on her own. It was mildly surprising she even knew what the Rainbow Gang was, considering her age and origins. But then, living among imprisoned ponies for the last few years could have taught her anything.

Realizing Roan probably wanted an answer, she replied, “No. That was never my intention.”

“Right.” Roan flicked the reins, the motion weak and disinterested. “Too bad.”

They barely talked for the rest of the morning.


Ever since they’d left the others behind, Applejack had been keeping her distance from Rarity. They might engage in small talk every now and then, and of course they had to discuss certain decisions such as navigation as they arose. But otherwise the head of the Apple Family appeared to be giving Rarity a lot of space. Perhaps she’d finally grasped Rarity's supreme disapproval of her. Whatever the reason, Rarity had been glad for the mare’s discretion. By now, nearly five weeks into their trip, she no longer felt so jumpy around her.

Even so, she tensed when Applejack ended up riding at her side one evening at the head of their miniature caravan. “Rarity, can I talk to you for a moment?”

Without missing a beat, she replied, “You can talk all you want, so long as you keep your hands to yourself.”

Applejack’s brow furrowed in uncertainty, and Rarity couldn’t blame her. Even she wasn’t sure if she’d meant that to come out in jest or not.

“Uh, right.” Applejack shook herself out of it, apparently deciding no comment was needed for the response. She kept Moonshine at a respectable distance from Ophelia. Winona wasn’t riding with her today, but that was hardly unusual as she would sometimes stay in the wagon with Coco. The affectionate creature was a wonderful boon for morale, although Rarity drew the line at any more licks to the face.

“So, I swear I didn’t mean to, but I overheard a little of what you spoke to Roan about the other day.” Her eyes darted to Rarity’s, almost certainly seeking some sign of disapproval.

Rarity shrugged. “It’s alright. It’s not like we were trying for privacy.”

Letting out a small breath of relief, Applejack nodded. “Okay. Good. Now, I don’t mean to pry on your personal life or nothin’, but… have you spoken to anypony about it?”

Thinking back to her conversation with Roan, Rarity frowned. “About what, exactly?”

Applejack pursed her lips. It was several long seconds before she answered, and that came slowly, as if she were picking her words carefully. “About how inspirin’ other ponies has led to bad things. About how you don’t want no ponies followin’ in your hoofsteps.”

Oh, right. That part. In truth, Rarity hadn’t spoken of that to anypony before, had she? Suddenly, Applejack’s intentions were obvious. Were they welcome? Rarity wasn’t entirely sure, but now she understood why the mare was treating this conversation as one might when crossing a field of broken glass. The entire topic made her feel… prickly.

She refused to let herself snap. Applejack’s faults had nothing to do with this topic. True, being in her presence left Rarity with an urge to grasp Silver Lining as a precaution, but she didn’t need to get snippy over something that had never been related to Applejack to begin with. “I suppose you aim to have me talk about it now then?”

“I just wanna be sure you’re okay. Somethin’ like that…” Applejack looked away, but not before Rarity caught her sad expression. “It can really weigh a mare down.”

For the briefest of moments Rarity was tempted to ask what she meant. She shoved it down quickly. For all she knew, bringing this up at all was some kind of trap for getting her to like Applejack a little more. She didn’t think Applejack was that devious, but it never hurt to be cautious.

So instead, Rarity kept the conversation on topic. “I’m not sure what you’d like me to say. Two ponies were inspired by me, and one is certainly dead. The other might be.”

Applejack’s eyebrows shot up. “Wait, two?”

“Yes?” Rarity cocked her head. “Did I not talk about both of them?”

“Not really.” Grumbling to herself, Applejack said, “I get it might be a sore spot, but I wanted you to know you could talk to me about it. If you needed to, ya get me?”

“As opposed to talking to Coco about it?” Rarity shot her a hard look, wanting to make it absolutely clear she questioned the mare’s motivations.

Applejack’s expression soured. “Has Coco gotten anypony killed because they tried to be more like her?”

That gave Rarity pause. “No?” Oh, Sisters, I hope not!

“Then she can’t understand. She’ll try, of course. Try real hard. But unless it’s happened to you, it just ain’t possible. So she might not be able to help you, and that leaves her feelin’ helpless and guilty, so you try to pretend to feel better for her sake.” Applejack met Rarity’s gaze, eyes steely. “Pretty soon everypony’s miserable and nopony knows what to do to stop it. It’s a vicious cycle.”

If there’d been any doubt that Applejack was speaking from experience before, it was gone now. Rarity almost bit the bait. The question was on the tip of her tongue, just waiting for her to lasso and tie herself to this mare. But once that happened, there might never be an escape, and Rarity was too afraid of that possibility to let the words go.

So, though it required a hint of a struggle, she found other words. “I… appreciate what you’re trying to offer me. But I don’t think I’m quite ready to entrust this to anypony yet.” Much less you.

Applejack’s face twisted into a grimace, but she said nothing. Slowly, with visible effort, she forced her lips back to a neutral position. “I suppose that’s fair. As long as you find somepony to talk to about it. You can’t let this keep eatin’ you.”

“It’s not…” Rarity clamped her teeth closed. It was eating at her, deep down. The dreams proved it. Every time she recalled Flintlock, all she could really think of was how broken he’d appeared. To say nothing of his ghostly inquires wanting to know why she hadn’t saved his life.

She wasn’t going to lash out over this. She was not!

“You okay?”

Hissing through her teeth, Rarity shook her head. “Don’t try to talk to me about it.”

A prolonged, heavy quiet settled over them, thick and uncomfortable.

Applejack growled. “What in thunderin’ tarnation am I going to have to do to earn your trust?”

The little pony in Rarity’s mind took on a disappointed look. Well, at least I tried.

“Earn my trust?” she snarled back. “Enough that maybe I’ll let you in my pants again, I suppose?”

To Applejack’s credit, she didn’t shout. “Is that what you think of me? That every single action I take is designed to get some flank? This may come as a surprise to you, Bulletproof, but I don’t go chasin’ after every tail I see.”

“Oh, so I’m a special case, am I?”

Yes.” Applejack took a long, slow breath. “That’s what I was tryin’ to explain to you back in Ponyville.”

Was that what she was supposed to get out of that confession? As much as it made her blood boil, Rarity still couldn’t deny that she continued to believe Applejack was sorry about what happened between them. But curse Discord, she didn’t want to believe it. “It’s pointless. I’m not the special pony you’ve made me out to be.”

Applejack huffed and shook her head. “Yeah, you are. You just ain’t figured it out for yourself yet.”

“Isn’t that sweet?” Rarity worked extra hard to combine cloying sugariness with blatant skepticism and sarcasm. “You’ll tell me I’m ‘special’ and ‘unique’ and then I’ll raise my tail for you.”

“I’m just tryin’ to help.”

“Yourself, perhaps.”

Applejack threw back her head and let out something between a cry and a groan. “For fuck’s sake, Rarity, we’ve been travellin’ together for half the season now! Don’t you think if I was that kind of mare I’d have made a move already?”

“If it bothers you so much that I won’t put out, why do you bother to stick with us at all?”

“Because you’re…!” Abruptly, as if she’d been slapped in the face, Applejack went quiet. All anger disappeared from her visage as she stared at the reins in her hands. She reached up to rub the necklace under her shirt. Gradually, her expression fell and her shoulders slumped. Rarity watched all of this out the corner of her eyes, wondering what was going through the mare’s mind.

“Because you’re hurtin’, and not just because of what I did. You’re a natural with a gun, but your heart ain’t in it.” She turned partially to Rarity, unable to meet her gaze. “I thought you were amazing when I first started huntin’ you down. Now that I’ve gotten to know you a little more, I realize you’re a lot more than what I’d been hopin’. But that level of… of ‘good’ in you means this lifestyle is harder for you than most. I don’t want to see the best thing that’s happened to Equestria since the Rainbow Gang crumble under the weight of it all.”

Rarity fought for some properly heated response to this, but it eluded her. After all, what Applejack said was entirely true: she was being crushed under the weight of this lifestyle. It wasn’t hers, and she’d never wanted it. And maybe, just maybe, she was denying herself a perfectly suitable direction to channel her feelings. What Applejack offered was undeniably tempting, which was probably why she had such a strong negative reaction to it.

Or maybe it was that the offer came from Applejack.

“I…” Damn it all, she was supposed to be putting up a stronger front than this!

Applejack spoke up before Rarity could form a proper response. “I can put up with you bein’ sassy and snappy and sometimes downright mean. I can do that because I know where it’s comin’ from. I’ll even admit that you’ve got a good reason to hate me. I’ll take those hits. If bein’ your punchin’ bag helps you get over this hump, that’s fine. But you ain’t gonna get rid of me with it. I’m stickin’ with you until I know you won’t do nothin’ really bad. So unless you decide to shoot me, you best get used to it.”

There was no firmness in her words, but Rarity didn’t doubt their honesty. When she really looked at the situation, she probably wouldn’t ever actually shoot Applejack. Oh, she fantasized about the idea fairly regularly, but to actually do it?

She heaved a weary sigh and stared at the back of Ophelia’s head. “What do you expect me to do? I barely remember our first encounter, and I just can’t get over how… how dirty it makes me feel. Like I’m a whorse. Did I even try to fight it, or did I just spread my legs because you put a few bottles of alcohol in me?”

“Well, you put most of the alcohol in yourself,” Applejack admitted warily, as if afraid of what reaction she might get. “I only introduced you to that one bottle of cider.”

That didn’t answer the question, which left Rarity feeling small. That now-familiar itching between her thighs was back. She bit her lip and clenched her eyes closed. “P-please don’t dodge this. I… I need to know.”

Silence. Long, pronounced, mind-numbing silence. Rarity whimpered and clutched at her necklace.

When Applejack finally answered, it was in a whisper so quiet she almost missed it. “I told ya before, I thought it was a regular thing for you.”

Rarity was glad she was riding Ophelia. She didn’t think her legs would have held her right now. The bottom of the world seemed to fall out from under her, leaving nothing but an empty, wretched feeling within. She curled forward, fighting the urge to cry. Or throw up.

This. This was why she hated Applejack. But it had never been Applejack she’d hated, had it?

“It… It don’t mean nothin’,” Applejack tried. “I mean, you were drunk. Royally smashed. Ponies do things when they’re all liquored up, y’know?”

It meant something. It had to. Was Rarity really that easy? Would she have gone to bed with anypony that night? “Oh, Celestia, forgive me for what I am…”

“You stop that right now!” Applejack maneuvered closer and glared. “You ain’t a whorse, Rarity. You found somethin’ to take your mind off your problems, and you only did it once. Stop beatin’ yourself up over this!”

“That’s easy for you to say,” Rarity muttered, rubbing a hand across her burning eyes. “At least you remember it. M-my first time, stolen because I was too weak and eager and dirty and too fucking drunk to say no.”

“No. No, no, no.” Applejack reached over and jostled her shoulder. “You stay mad at me, you hear? You take it out on me. You’re supposed to hate me!

“I do hate you!” But the vehemence with which she’d said it did little to hide the truth. She jerked her arm away from Applejack’s grip and guided Ophelia a few paces away. “Ponies look up to me. They admire me. Is this what they’re supposed to be looking up to?”

“You made a mistake,” Applejack insisted, a faint desperation in her words. “You think nopony in the Rainbow Gang did the same? Hay, have you any idea how many ponies the Solid Citrine slept with before she died in Ponyville?”

“That’s not the—” Applejack’s words filtered into her addled brain, stealing away her argument before it could fully form. The self-directed horror dimmed as she tried to piece this new information together. “She… did?”

Applejack’s smile was strained, a haunted mix of relief and amusement. “Yeah, and totally shameless about it. Used to boast right in front of me before I even knew what sex was.” She took off her hat and ran her fingers through her mane. “I always wondered if boastin’ was a pegasus thing. Like naps.”

Rarity’s brain cells tried to restart her thought processes, but somehow this revelation was keeping her stalled. “B-but she’s a… I mean, really. It’s. Well, she’s a… It’s not the same?”

“How?” Applejack’s narrowed eyes offered challenge as she made an inviting gesture. “Come on, how? She’s a hero. Nopony cared about her sex life. That’s her business. What makes what happened between us so much worse than what she did willingly and regularly?”

“But that’s—” Little sounds of frustration escaped from Rarity’s taught throat as she struggled to form some kind of answer. “B-but I’m not willing. I m-mean, I shouldn’t be…” Her words only grew quieter as she spoke. “I do feel shame about it though. I can’t help that, Applejack. I gave in to it so easily. I w-was a virgin.”

At that, Applejack’s face lit up like a sunset. She glanced away and muttered, “Yeah, well, so was I.”

What?

She cringed, shoulders hunching upwards. “I-it ain’t no big deal.”

“No big deal?” Using her magic, Rarity grabbed her by the shirt and forced Applejack to face her. “No big deal? You threw your innocence away on a drunken mare you’d never met!”

“I didn’t throw nothin’ away.” Applejack tugged on her shirt, but couldn’t free it from Rarity’s magical grip. “I gave it to you, and happily. I don’t regret losin’ it, I only regret that it made you the miserable, angry mare you are today!”

“Why?” Rarity demanded, her throat aching from the strain in her voice. “Why would you do that? What in Equestria were you thinking?”

“Havin’ trouble stayin’ on my lizard here.”

Only then did Rarity realize she had Applejack dangling halfway off Moonshine, who was too close to Ophelia to stay under her. She barely even noticed the strain the mare’s weight produced on her horn. Taking a few slow breaths, she put Applejack back on the Dust Devil and let the aura around her horn die. “I-I’m sorry, Applejack. I just don’t understand how you could do something like that so freely.”

After adjusting her shirt, coat and hat, Applejack replied, “It’s alright, Sugarcube. And if I’m wholly honest, I don’t know why I did it either. But I don’t feel that I lost nothin’. If anythin’, I feel like I gave you somethin’.” Her expression fell once more. “I just wish you’d taken it better.”

Sighing, Rarity’s attention returned to the back of Ophelia’s head, her entire body feeling as if it had gained an extra hundred pounds. “I guess this means we’re both dirty ponies.”

Applejack chuckled. “Don’t bother me none. I was raised on a farm. Bein’ dirty is all part of the game.”

Rarity rolled her eyes. “You are such a cad.”

“I have no idea what that means.” Applejack smirked. “So I’ll take it as a compliment.”

The laughter surprised Rarity even as it rolled out of her throat, and soon Applejack joined her. For just a moment, things felt a little better. Only for a moment, and then, like a slow-moving sandstorm blocking out the sunlight, Rarity felt her mood descending once again. But the laughter echoed in her ears for a while, reminding her that maybe, just maybe, there would be sunlight on the other end.

After a few minutes of what might have been considered companionable silence, Rarity found her voice, feeble though it was. “I don’t know how to make this right for me, Applejack.”

“And I don’t know how to help ya, Miss Belle.” Applejack tugged her hat down and lowered her head, hiding her eyes. “But you keep on walkin’ the line, and I think you’ll figure it out someday.”

And then, as if she’d inspired herself, she began to quietly sing.

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine

I keep my eyes wide open all the time

I keep the ends out for the tie that binds

Because you’re mine, I walk the line.

Rarity forced her lips into a thin, neutral line, if only to keep a smile from forming. “Don’t think serenading me will get you anywhere.”

Applejack didn’t look up, but she did gain a small, lopsided smirk. “Trust me, when I’m ready to serenade you, you’ll know it.”

They said nothing after that. The problems and doubts still plagued Rarity, and she knew she had a long way to go before she’d be comfortable with what she’d done. Perhaps that time would never come.

But she felt a little more relaxed with Applejack now. Maybe she could take that as a win.