“Wow, this is...better than what I was expecting, AJ did a really good job cleaning this thing up.” Rainbow Dash said as she looked up at the Cutie Mark Crusaders treehouse, her mouth slightly agape.
Scootaloo had come to her earlier in the day and told her excitedly that Applejack had let them fix up the old treehouse to use for their cutie mark adventures, and that she should come to check out how awesome it was, though that she wasn’t allowed inside since she wasn’t a cutie mark crusader.
It had been a while since she’d seen Scootaloo so excited about something that wasn’t related to her; it made her happy to see that smile on her face.
It had gotten her curious about this treehouse, she wanted to see if it lived up to the title of “awesome.” But she didn’t want to make them upset by going in when she wasn’t allowed, despite how stupid she thought that rule was. Instead, she decided she was going to wait until night when they had gone home and gone to sleep, that way she would be able to go inside it with no problems.
Right now it was pretty dark out, the only light was coming from the moon, which Luna seemed to have made particularly bright tonight. She was able to see the treehouse somewhat clearly, noticing how new and clean it looked. She couldn’t make out the colors very well, but she could see that none of the wood was sticking out or anything was broken like it used to be, it even had windows that looked new! The CMC must have worked pretty hard considering how beat up it looked before, it almost made her jealous.
She noticed the stairs connected to it, not sure whether those were there before, or if The CMC had built them. She began walking up the steps to the door, slowly raising her hoof towards it, noticing that there was a heart engraved into the wooden door. Though it was still too dark to really see the color, she should have brought a flashlight.
When her hoof reached the door, she stopped, noticing that the door was already slightly ajar. But she shrugged it off, thinking that it was just one of the fillies forgetting to shut it when they were leaving. She opened the door, surprised that it made almost no sound when she did. She walked in and scanned the inside of the place, noticing that there was already stuff in here.
The room had three windows, one above the door, one on the right side of the room, and one on the left. She wasn’t really able to tell exactly what was inside the place, since the only light was the moonlight coming from the windows. She could see that there was a stand across from her, probably used for whenever they have ‘Official Cutie Mark Crusader Meetings,’ or something.
There was also a small crate in the back right corner of the room, which they probably put behind the stand since they'd be too small to see over it normally. There was a green table in the back left corner of the room, above that was a painting of clouds with a green frame. She knew that they liked painting and drawing stuff, so she expected there to be paintings and drawings all over the walls of this place pretty soon. And, knowing Scootaloo, posters of Rainbow Dash or something. Her idolization of her was cute considering her age, but if it was still as strong as it is now when she grows up, that might get a bit weird.
Then again, she has a similar idolization of The Wonderbolts even though she was a full grown mare, so who was she to judge?
She also noticed there was an object dangling from the roof that was tied to a rope, which was probably a lantern or something that wasn’t currently lit. Otherwise, the room seemed normal and well built, it kind of made her want to try building. Though she might just get bored with it and stop halfway through to take a nap; she’s tried watching construction workers build stuff, and it didn’t exactly seem exciting.
As she looked around, she noticed there was something else in the room, sitting on the floor to the left of the window, and it looked pony shaped. She moved closer to the object, the moonlight began to show the details of this object. Her eyes widened slightly in surprise, it wasn’t just pony shaped, it was a pony!
She was a bit confused, she wasn’t sure why somepony would be up here at this time of night. And from the size, she could tell it was an adult, which made it a bit more strange.
“Hey, what ar-”
Her words caught in her throat as she moved a little closer, the moonlight revealing the identity of this pony, she’d recognize that cutie mark anywhere. Pinkie lay against the wall beside the window, hunched over as she looked at something on the ground. Her mane was completely straight, the opposite of the curly, bouncy mane she always had. It lay flat on her head, reaching down almost touching the floor. Her tail was the same way, lying flatly on the ground to the right of her.
Her coat was also a little different, being a dimmer, almost pale shade of pink, seeming grayer than any other color. Her blue eyes seemed dull, lifeless and lacking the joy and happiness they usually had. She didn’t move her eyes from what she was looking at on the ground under her: a small, clear shot glass with a thick, brown liquid inside of it. Her hooves lay on the sides of the glass lifelessly, touching them, but not making any effort to pick it up. A bottle sat to the right of it containing the same liquid, the cork had been popped off and the bottle was a quarter empty.
“Pinkie...is that you?” Rainbow asked hesitantly, the last time she saw her like this…
Pinkie slowly looked up from the glass, her facial expression remaining the same as she did. She tilted her head to the left curiously as she looked at her, almost as if she couldn’t recognize who it was. Then her eyes widened slightly in realization, then boredom as she lost interest and lowered her head, going back to staring at the glass.
“Heya Rainbow Dash, sorry I can’t do the whole ‘bouncing around in joy, up in your face, happy to see you’ thing, I’m not really in the mood for it.” she said sorrowfully as she slowly picked up the glass, drinking the entire glass in one gulp without even flinching. She then put the glass back down and picked up the bottle, tipping it over and pouring some of the liquid into it.
Rainbow blinked confusedly, this was very abnormal behavior for Pinkie, she usually wasn’t so...melancholy. She looked at the label on the bottle as Pinkamena pulled it into the moonlight, her eyes widening in surprise as she read it.
“Pinkie, are you...drinking?" she asked slowly, hesitating in even speaking. She was trying to reserve her judgment, this was her best friend! But still, this...wasn’t anything like Pinkie. Sure, she has some apple cider every now and again, but so does almost everypony in Ponyville! That’s the only time she drinks, not even at her own parties. So why was she drinking now? And especially why here, with an entire bottle of hard whiskey? For even Pinkie to do something like this, something terrible must have happened.
“Yep,” Pinkie deadpanned, quickly filling up the glass.
She looked at the glass with concern, she may not have been an expert in alcohol, but she knew how strong hard whiskey was. She didn’t know how long Pinkie’s been drinking for, or how high of a tolerance she had, but considering the amount of apple cider she usually drank every year without even getting buzzed…
When the glass was filled, she put the bottle back on the ground beside of her, then she wrapped her hooves around the glass and began to lift it to her mouth.
“Are you...are you okay?”
Rainbow asked as she took a step forward, Pinkie stopped as the glass touched her lips, as if thinking about how she should respond. Then, without hesitation, she tipped her head back and drank it, putting the glass back on the floor.
“No.”
Rainbow could feel her mouth get dry as Pinkie said that, everything about this was unsettling to her. The last time she saw Pinkie like this, she was talking to bags of flour and buckets of turnips to console her.
She glanced around the room again, hoping she wouldn’t see anything like she did back at that party. Pinkie looked up at her as she did this, slightly confused at what she was looking for. Then a smile stretched on her face as she realized why, but it wasn’t one of her usual smiles. It was empty, meaningless, like it had no point behind it, like she was only doing it because it was all she knew how to do.
“Looking for Rocky? Or maybe Mr. Turnip? Don’t bother, they’re not here. They’re in the deepest parts of my mind, and will hopefully never resurface again. That’s one of the many parts of my childhood I want to stay gone.” she said sadly as she picked up the bottle, filling the glass again.
Rainbow looked back at her, her jaw tightening as she watches the cheerful party pony fill another glass. She wasn’t as smart as Twilight, or as good at dealing with this kind of stuff like Applejack, but she was the one who was here.
“Is that why you’re drinking? What, did you go see your family or something? I don’t understand Pinks, you usually never let anything bring you down!” Rainbow said as she slammed her hoof against the floorboard, both in anger and worry.
“You think this is my first time?” Pinkie asked almost sarcastically, setting the bottle down as the glass was filled. “I’ve been going somewhere alone and getting drunk at the end of the month for years, this is just the first time I came here to do it, and the first time somepony found me.” she said as she took another shot, seeming to take more time to put the glass back on the ground.
Rainbow grit her teeth as she watched her fill another glass.
“Years? Pinkie, that’s...you’re an alcoholic! Why? What could have driven you to this? This is something you should talk to your friends about, something you should talk to me about!” Rainbow said as she slammed both her hooves against the ground angrily, her wings springing open as she did. She not only felt angry, but now hurt. She had been doing this for years, hiding it from everypony else? She thought they were close, closer than most of the others, but to think Pinkie treated her like everyone else…
Pinkie didn’t seem to react, not even flinching when Rainbow slammed her hooves against the ground. She kept her blank stare on the empty glass, as if she couldn’t be less interested in the world around her. “Why? Honestly, it’s been so long I don’t even remember, which is saying something since I have near perfect memory. But now I just drink until I can’t feel anything, until I’m just at the point of numbness. Which is getting harder and harder to do the more I drink, I’m going to have to start buying even stronger stuff at this rate.” she said as she glanced at the bottle, as if debating with herself whether she should keep drinking since she’s been caught.
“What...what do you mean?” Rainbow furrowed her eyebrows and tilted her head in confusion, this wasn’t something she would have expected from Pinkie, then again neither was being an alcoholic.
“Of course, I wouldn’t expect you to understand. Do you have any idea how hard and painful it is to be me?” she said as she reached over to the bottle, not bothering with the shot glass and just deciding to drink straight from the bottle. She tossed her head back and took several gulps from it before slamming it back down on the ground, leaving about half of it left. She let out a loud sigh, shifting her gaze to Rainbow Dash. “Every day, every Celestia damned day, I have to wake up and put a smile on my face and a bounce in my step, I have to be on my best behavior, I have to act like I’m completely ok, like my smile, my joy isn’t fake! When I threw my first party, I had no idea what I was doing! All I knew is it made others happy, it made my depressed, morbid family happy! So I kept doing it, I kept throwing parties because it made others happy! But I can’t even remember the last time I did something for me, I can’t remember the last time I was genuinely happy!”
She took another swig from the bottle, her hooves seemed to be shaking as she picked it up. Rainbow’s wings slowly lowered, her anger fading and quickly being replaced with concern.
“Pinkie...I-”
“You remember what I was like at Gummy’s after-birthday party?” Pinkie asked quickly after she slammed the bottle against the ground again, nearly hard enough to crack it.
Whatever Rainbow Dash was going to say caught in her throat, not expecting to be asked about that, that was something none of the main six talked about if it could be avoided.
“Yes, how could I forget?” she answered hesitantly, not wanting to dwell on the event. “You wer-”
“I was demented, but that was more because of the situation.” Pinkie interrupted sharply, “But, it might be hard to believe, the rest of that is me. I’m...insecure, paranoid, I think too much or too little on some things. I get jealous, I care too much, I try too hard. But, most of all, I’m…” she seemed to be shaking slightly as she wrapped her hooves around herself, hiding her face behind her mane so Rainbow couldn’t see her. “ You guys are my real friends, not like the other ponies in Ponyville. You five are different, you’ve seen me for who I am, and you’ve seen me at my worst. But none of you know me as well as you might think, not even Twilight. If you did, you might not like who I am. And I’m…” she hugged herself tighter, her voice becoming more of a whimper as it cracked. “I am terrified of being alone again! I can’t be alone like that again, not like the rock farm! You five are the reason I even get out of the bed in the morning, if you left me...I....Couldn’t...I just couldn’t take it anymore!” she shouted, surprising Rainbow Dash. Rainbow could only look in pity as she watched, wanting more than anything to zip forward and hug her, to tell her it was going to be alright. But, if this was anything like Fluttershy…
“Pinkie...you can’t honestly believe that!” she said desperately, wishing Twilight or someone else was here. “Everypony in Ponyville is your friend! How could you say that! Everypony who knows you loves you, hay, you’ve saved the world twice! So-”
“NO THEY DON’T!” Pinkie suddenly shouted, causing Rainbow’s ears to fold back and eyes to close in surprise. She looked at Pinkie, noticing she wasn’t hugging herself anymore, but she was still shaking.
“They're in love with the idea of me! When I first came to this town, I gave off the impression that I was this innocent child who loved to party and make others happy, because that’s who I was at the time. But It was just a phase, one I quickly grew out of. But that’s who ponies see me as now, so that’s who I became. Everypony thinks that I’m carefree and happy all the time, that I throw parties for ridiculous reasons and do ridiculous things, because I’m just ‘Pinkie being Pinkie!’ What a joke!” she said angrily as she picked up the bottle, taking another drink before putting it back on the ground. “To everypony, I’m just the comedy relief character, I’m the one who doesn’t take anything seriously, that I’m just around to give others a good time. Nopony cares about me, not really. Nopony ever asks me if I’m okay, or if I’m having any problems they can help out with. It’s always ‘Hey Pinkie, when’s the next party!’ Or ‘Oh Pinkie, you’re so silly!” But really? I’m still that sad little filly on the rock farm, sad and useless, just wanting someone to pay attention to her. And willing to do anything for it.”
She took another drink from the bottle, but this one was shorter. “I tried not being like that once, for a single day just to see what would happen. You weren’t there that day, luckily. And you know what happened?” Rainbow shook her head, almost afraid to say anything. “They thought there was something wrong with me! I let my hair down, I didn’t throw any parties, I didn’t bounce everywhere or had a constant smile, I just acted norma, acted like me. And they thought that something was wrong with me! They thought I was sad or hurt, when really, for the first time in a long time, I was myself!”
“Pinkie...I’m sorry...I-I didn’t know-”
“And you want to know what the worst part is!?” Pinkie shouted as she pointed a hoof towards her, holding the bottle in it. Rainbow tried to say something, but Pinkie didn’t seem to even notice. Before she gave Rainbow the chance to do anything, Pinkie put her hoof with the bottle against her head, as if pointing to something on it. “I was born with near perfect memory, which means I remember pretty much everything, and I mean everything! I remember every insult, every time I heard somepony who I thought was a friend talking behind my back, I remember every fight, every time I hurt someone, every moment on that rock farm, every time somepony ridiculed me, and I remember all of it in vivid detail!”
Pinkamena once again drank from the bottle, leaving only a quarter of it left. She didn’t even slam the bottle down this time, she just gently put it on the ground in front of her, her trembling hooves barely able to keep it steady.
“I know my parties are childish, I know some ponies only come to my party because they pity me, I know how annoying and immature I can be, I know how much some people despise my constant parties and how loud and noisy I can be. But...partying is all I know! I’m not good at anything else, I’m really not. It’s all I can do, all I’m capable of. When I threw my first party, that was the first time I felt something other than shame!”
Her entire body trembled, she ground her teeth as she tried desperately to stop herself from crying. Rainbow’s throat felt dry as she looked down at her best friend, who was sitting on the floor shaking in front of her. She could feel shame, shame for not being able to see this before, for not being able to help her friend. For not being able to help her now. She bit the inside of her cheek, thinking desperately of anything she could say, anything she could do to help her.
“That’s not true! You’re good at lots of things! Like rock farming! I know it must have been depressing, but still! Your family must have been so pr-”
“My family hated me.”
Rainbow’s words caught in her throat and her eyes constricted, she could feel her heart drop when she heard that.
“W-what?” Rainbow asked shakily, she had heard of a lot of troubling home lives, but never had she heard about a family hating them.
“When I was born,” Pinkie raised her head, glancing up at Rainbow Dash for a moment. But then she went back to staring at the floor, unable to look her in the eyes. “My father was convinced I wasn’t his, which wasn’t too weird considering my coat and mane. He was so sure that my mother had an affair, and he didn’t believe her no matter how many times she tried to tell him that I wasn’t. And because of this, he scolded me and hit me any chance he got, along with my mother. And my mother hated me because I destroyed their relationship, but instead of abusing me like my father, she never so much as looked at me unless she absolutely had to.
My sisters hated me too. Their family life might not have been perfect, but it was a lot better before I was born. They treated me like a parasite! Like all I was, was something that wasted their food, like I was the reason their father was angry all the time, and why their mother cried. Any time they thought they could, they bullied me. Made me do their chores, made me eat dirt, threw rocks at me, whatever they felt like that day. Maud didn’t do anything, but she just watched, never even tried to help me.
Every day, I felt this pit in my heart, it was like a hole that absorbed all the good in my life. I later found out that it was misery, and that I would never be able to fill that hole.”
Pinkamena curled up in a fetal position, hiding her head in her legs, but Rainbow could still see how much she was shaking.
“On that farm, I might have been with other ponies, but they weren’t my family, and I’ve never felt that alone!” Pinkamena said with a sob, a single tear rolling down her cheek from her right eye.
Rainbow grit her teeth as she heard that, she could feel herself shaking in anger. How could a family do that to a pony! That wasn’t right! She tried to calm herself down with slow breathing, knowing she had to stay calm here, for Pinkie’s sake.
“H-hey, Rainbow Dash, w-wanna hear something funny?”
Dash felt her blood run cold when Pinkie said that, the way her voice shook as she talked made her heart hurt.
“Why do you think I moved to Ponyville of all places? There were a lot of towns closer than that, so why Ponyville?”
Rainbow looked at her perplexed, never having really thought about it till now. Pinkie stayed quiet for a few seconds, then she slowly raised her head up, but she didn’t look at Rainbow Dash.
“It’s because of The Everfree Forest. I wanted to die from an early age, I didn’t have any reason to live anymore, everypony hated me. But I never had the courage to kill myself, even though I desperately wanted the pain to stop. Then I heard about Ponyville, a village under constant threat of The Everfree Forest, a place where monsters of all shapes and sizes came out and attacked the civilians. So, I moved there, and hoped something would kill me. I woke up every morning, and I asked myself ‘I wonder if today will be the day something will put me out of my misery?’”
A tear rolled down Pinkie’s cheek as she said that, this time coming from her left eye. Despair filled Rainbow Dash as she heard that, she was left completely speechless. She could only stare at Pinkie with her mouth agape.
“But, nothing ever did. For a few years, it was quiet. Then, on the day of The Summer Sun Celebration, Nightmare Moon came. Then I was pulled into an adventure to save Equestria, even though I was honestly just thrilled to be included in something other than partying. And the part about laughing at your fears, the song Granny Pie taught me? I completely made it up, except for the song. There was never a Granny Pie, all the songs I knew were ones I made up to try to cope. But all I knew how to do was laugh and party, and I was a lot more scared of other ponies than I was of trees with ugly faces on them. I didn’t want to lose the only chance I had at real friends, so I did all I knew how to. And then,”
A smile came onto Pinkie’s face, but it wasn’t a happy smile, it was one of despair and sadness, something that was a constant in her life.
“Then I was made the Element of Laughter, me! All because of who I pretended to be, of who I hated being! My life, my destiny, is built on a lie! It’s like Celestia herself wanted me to suffer! I saved the world on a fluke! For the first time in my life, I got lucky. But in the end, it just made things worse!”
Tears began steadily coming down her face now, as she buried her head in her legs and began to sob, unable to hold it back anymore. She was ignoring the bottle of alcohol, it didn’t matter anymore. This was the first time she told anypony, the first time she had ever been truly honest. And it felt good, it was better than the numbness she felt when she drank enough. But she knew it was temporary, she knew she’d keep suffering, and she probably just pushed away her best friend.
Rainbow Dash stood completely still, not moving or showing any of her emotions. She stood there and stared at Pinkie, her face remained still as she seemed to be considering something.
“I k-know,” Pinkie raised her head slowly, looking at Rainbow with the best smile she could muster at the time, but it meant nothing because of how wet her face was from the tears. “I know you probably won’t want to be my friend anymore, since I lied to you, and since I’m not the pony you thought I was, and that’s ok. But, please, I’m begging you, don’t tell the others. I don’t want to burden them, especially not Twilight. She’ll think she’ll have to help me because of her whole mission she has to make and help her friends, and when she can’t, she'll blame herself and think she was a failure. So, please, just don’t tell them, ok?”
Rainbow still did nothing, she did not move or speak. She only stared at Pinkie, contemplating something.
“Rain-”
She began to walk forward slowly, remaining quiet and her face stayed the same. She then picked up the bottle in her wing and sat to the left of Pinkie, sitting against the wall the same way she was with her other wing at her side. Pinkie followed her with her eyes curiously, this silence being unusual behavior for her. Then Pinkie’s eyes widened in surprise when she put the bottle to her mouth and tipped her head back, chugging whatever was left in the bottle. It took several gulps before it was empty, but when it was, she slowly put the bottle on the ground, a loud sigh of relief came out of her mouth as she did.
“Fluttershy has depression,” Rainbow said blankly, staring at the bottle as she did. Pinkie’s eyes widened in surprise again, her mouth opening slightly as she looked at her.
“Wow, that sounds so weird to say out loud. Fluttershy would probably kill me if she knew I told somepony, but, I’m positive I can trust you.” She chuckled as she looked at Pinkie, a slight smirk on her face. But Pinkie knew that look in her eyes, that was the look of pain.
“Fluttershy? But, she doesn’t see-”
“Doesn’t seem like she’d be the type? Well, the Ponyville party planner doesn’t seem like she’d be a miserable alcoholic, but here we are!”
Pinkie couldn’t help but chuckle at that, though she wasn’t too sure why. Rainbow looked back down at the bottle, her smirk quickly leaving.
“I found out soon after my first sonic rainboom, when she fell down to the ground. When Fluttershy was younger, sure, she was terrible at flying, but she could still fly, so there was no reason that should have happened. So, I went to talk to her afterwards, to ask her what happened. And you know what she said?”
There was silence in the clubhouse for a few seconds, Pinkie didn’t want to say anything, she only stared at Rainbow Dash awaiting the answer.
“She told me that she was tired of living, that she didn’t fly because she hoped that the fall would kill her.”
Pinkie didn’t say anything, she turned her head away from Rainbow and stared at the floor, not even she would have guessed Fluttershy would-
“And that’s when I hit her.”
Pinkie’s head snapped to the right, her eyes widened and her mouth agape, but when she saw tears at the corners of Rainbow’s eyes, it erased any doubts that she was lying.
“I slapped her across the face, knocking her down on the ground. Then I yelled at her, I told her how stupid she was for even thinking that. I told her how selfish it would have been if she let herself die, when there were ponies who cared about her. Her family loved her, and sure she was bullied, but there were still plenty of ponies who liked her for how kind she was. And I told her how hurt I would be if she died, how I could never forgive her for that. I think that was the first time that I ever cried, and the first time I ever hugged a pony.”
A tear rolled down Rainbow’s cheek as she stared at the bottle, but despite that, there was a genuine smile on her face.
“After that, I made her get help, got her to see some therapist in Manehattan. That was when she was diagnosed with depression, her family was upset, but supportive. They did everything they could, gave her whatever treatment the therapist thought necessary. But Fluttershy didn’t want the help, didn’t think she was worth it. So, I’ll tell you the same thing I told her.”
Rainbow turned to Pinkie, her face slowly forming into a scowl. “If you ever even think about killing yourself again, we really won’t be friends!”
Pinkie was left speechless, tears rolling down her cheeks again, but this time, they were happy tears. For the first time in a long time, Pinkie had a smile stretched ear to ear, and it was real. Rainbow reached over and embraced her, allowing Pinkie to cry into her shoulders. She began stroking her mane gently, her eyes slowly closing as she also embraced her in her wings.
“It’s going to be ok Pinkie, it’s alright. I’m not going to leave you, I wouldn’t be Loyalty if I did, right?” Rainbow smiled as she heard Pinkie chuckle. “Neither will the others, if you decide you want to tell them, that is. But I promise, none of us will. We can be the family you never had, and I promise, you’ll get better.”
They sat there for a few minutes, Pinkie just crying into Rainbow’s shoulder. Then when she stopped, she pushed herself off of Rainbow, though she really didn’t want to leave her embrace.
“Thank you Rainbow Dash, I...really needed that.” She said as she wiped the tears off her face, the same smile still on her face.
“No problem Pinkie, you're my best friend. Besides, I have to do the same thing with Flutters sometimes.”
Pinkie leaned against the wall, still sitting on the floor beside Rainbow. “Is she better? I mean, it’s been years, she should be better, right?”
Rainbow’s smile faltered for a second, but quickly returned as she talked to Pinkie. “Heh, I wish it were that simple. She is better, yes. But, it’s something she might have to deal with the rest of her life. Sometimes it’s hard for her to get out of bed, her shyness isn’t the only reason she finds it hard to get close to ponies. I visit her every day to check on her and make her happy, animals are also one of the things that help. She’s getting more assertive and comes out more, and she’s trying to be more social. Her episodes are becoming less and less common, but when they do happen…”
Pinkie frowned, turning to her pegasus friend and noticing the sad look on her face. She then glanced at the bottle, forgetting for a moment that Rainbow was the one who finished it. “Are you ok?” Pinkie said as she turned to her, now facing her with a serious look on her face.
Rainbow looked over at her and smiled. “Yeah, I’m fine.” She said as she shrugged.
“No, seriously, are you ok?” She asked again, more persistently this time.
Rainbow turned to her, they were now facing each other.
“Seriously, I’m fine.”
Pinkie grunted frustratedly.
“Dashie,”
Pinkie said sharply as she grabbed the empty bottle, holding it up and pointing at it with her other hoof. “This is hard whiskey I ordered from Manehattan, it’s some of the strongest alcohol you can get there. Ponies who can chug a quarter of this and remain somewhat sober aren’t usually ‘ok’.” Pinkie slowly put the bottle down, looking back at Rainbow with concern. “So, I’ll ask again. Are you ok?”
Rainbow let out a quiet sigh, glancing away from Pinkie for a moment. “It’s nothing, not nearly as important as the stuff you or Fluttershy has going on.”
“Rainbow Dash!” Pinkie shouted, causing Rainbow to flinch as she stood straight up. “Weren’t you just telling me not to be selfish? You don’t get to hold things in, not with me. Tell me, I’d feel terrible after telling you all that stuff when you have things you want to talk about too.”
Rainbow relaxed as she looked at Pinkie, not being able to help but smile. “Alright, it’s just…” She took a deep breath and then exhaled. “I don’t mind helping you and Fluttershy, I’m happy to, really! But, it’s just, well, my family has always been really supportive, like really supportive. I could get a D- on a test and they’d congratulate me, I know because they did multiple times. it didn’t matter what job I would’ve gotten, they still would have supported me, don’t even get me started on what happened after they heard I did a sonic rainboom! So, no matter what I did, I never felt like I would have deserved their support.
I aimed for the highest I could, which was the Wonderbolts, it’s part of the reason I want to be one of them so badly. So I pushed myself everyday, with my parents telling me how proud they were. Then there was the whole thing with Fluttershy, then I became an Element of Harmony, on top of having to help Ponyville with occasional monster problems, and now you! It’s just...really stressful. And whenever there's even a slight chance I’ll fail, I get...weird.”
Pinkie immediately thought of the event at The Young Flyers Competition, and what happened to Rainbow Dash when she thought she wasn’t going to be able to do the sonic rainboom.
“Yeah, I can see what you mean, you got my levels of weird back at The Young Flyers Competition. So, what, to cope with the stress you turned to hard liquor?”
“Oh gosh no, I stopped that years ago!” Rainbow said with a frantic wave of her hoof. “When I was a teen, yeah, I drank a lot. But, I found better ways. Besides, Fluttershy really didn’t approve of it. Now? I only drink either when I’m having a drinking contest with AJ, or to celebrate something. I guess my tolerance from when I was a teen just stuck with me, not really sure. But, anyway, it’s nothing, just like I told you.”
Pinkie suddenly leaned forward and hugged Rainbow, embracing her as gently as she could. “It’s not nothing. I know you like to pretend you’re this tough mare, that you don’t get hurt or that nothing bothers you. But you don’t have to do that here, not with me. Think of this as your safeplace, you can relax here, you can let go here.”
Pinkie said softly as she hugged her a little tighter. Rainbow let herself relax into the hug, wrapping her arms around Pinkie, returning the hug. “Thanks, Pinkie. "
Pinkie let go of Rainbow, an idea popping into her head. “You know, we should really make this a thing.” She suggested, a wide smile on her face as she kept looking into Rainbow’s eyes.
“What? Hugging? I think ponies do that normally anyway Pinks.” Rainbow said as she chuckled.
“No, coming up here at the end of the month, getting drunk and talking about stuff. I think it’s really good, for the both of us. Well, maybe not the drinking part. But I have problems with being honest when I'm sober.”
“Yeah, right. And Applejack could join us and we could make a competition out of it.”
Pinkie snorted and began to chuckle at that, the image of Applejack getting drunk and talking about traumatizing farm accidents. “No, silly! I’m serious!”
Rainbow just stared at her for a moment, almost expecting her to burst out laughing. “I don’t know, Pinks. So what, we just keep coming up in this clubhouse at the end of every month? AJ would be so pissed if she found out.”
“Na,” Pinkie said as she waved her hoof dismissively. “I’ve got like a dozen or so secret places, I’ll tell you where to go the day before. But if you tell anypony, I’ll have to kill you and bake you into a cupcake.”
There was a deep silence in the room, then they both burst into laughter. Rainbow Dash was rolling on the floor holding her sides, while Pinkie was snorting and chuckling, tears at the corners of her eyes from how hard she was laughing.
“Haha! Bake me into a c-cupcake? Where did you come up with that?” Rainbow asked out of breath, slowly trying to set herself up and stop laughing.
“I don’t know! It was just something I made up to make Applebloom and the others stop stealing pastries from Sugarcube Corner!” Pinkie said as her laughter slowly died down, wiping the tears off her face.
“And that works?! Oh, that’s hilarious!” Rainbow said with a final chuckle, slowly getting her breathing back into rhythm.
The room was silent again for a few seconds, then it was Rainbow who broke it.
“Alright, but on one condition.”
“Anything.”
Rainbow’s smile disappeared as she looked at Pinkie, her look one of complete seriousness. “I want you to come with me tomorrow to Fluttershy’s, and I think you should tell her everything.”
Pinkie’s smile faded also, slightly surprised at Rainbow’s request. “Rainbow, I-”
“I know you think you aren’t ready, but you are, I promise. And even If you’re not, I’ll be right there, I’ll help both of you the entire way. But, you two have a lot more in common than you think. It not only would make you better friends, but I think it would be really good for the both of you to relate to somepony so well. And don’t worry, she won’t have to come drink with us, she’s never even touched alcohol! You know Fluttershy, she wouldn’t tell a soul, not even her animals.”
Pinkamena looked at the ground in thought, closing her eyes for a few seconds and taking a deep breath. Then she opened her eyes and looked up at Rainbow. “Ok, but since we’re setting conditions, I want to set one of my own. At the end of the next month, I want you to come with me to my family.”
Rainbow’s face turned into one of immediate anger and surprise, her eyebrows also furrowed in confusion. “You want to see your family? After what you told me, I woul-”
“I know, but talking to you has made me realize some things. I left things unfinished with them, there are a few things I want to say. And I need you to be there with me, to make sure I go through with it. Especially my father, I’m…” Pinkie glanced at the window, visibly shuddering. “Still scared of him.”
“Hmm, are we still going to be drinking then?”
Pinkie let out an empty giggle, more out of fear than anything. “Oh, I guarantee I’ll need a strong drink after dealing with just my father. But my whole family? Heh, I might actually end up blacking out.”
“Ok then, deal!” Rainbow spits into her hoof and extended it, slightly surprising Pinkie. But then she smiled as she spits in her hoof and wrapping it around Rainbow’s, sealing the deal.
They both let go of each other's hooves, wiping the spit off on their coats. “I’m...really glad you stumbled upon me like this Rainbow, I think I would have had a meltdown within the coming months If I hadn’t talked to somepony. But, I have to go now, I probably won’t be able to sleep now due to the anxiety of telling Fluttershy tomorrow.”
Pinkie and Rainbow shared one last hug as Pinkie began to walk towards the door, feeling good about herself for the first time in years. As she opened the door, she stopped, having one last thing to say before she left.
“Oh, by the way! You’re cleaning this place up so it doesn’t look like anypony was here, also you’re buying the drinks next month, thanks bye!”
She said quickly as she zoomed out of the door in Pinkie fashion, leaving Rainbow Dash behind.
“Oh, come on!”