//------------------------------//
// April 14th, the Year MCCCXLV 
// Story: Love Letters of the Princess of the Sun 
// by Echo 27 
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A breeze pushed against the silk blinds that hung loosely above the windows, the silvery sheets of cloth rippling gently as moonlight shone through and turned the floor into a sea of color and shadow. As the door to the balcony closed quietly, the soft footsteps of a woman could be heard making their way across the room. Her robe was as ruffled as she was, perhaps somewhat wrung through from her continuous pacing. Her hair, beautiful and as lurid as a rainbow, was ruffled through again and again by her hands. She had been pacing for nearly an hour now; by her mind’s estimation, thoughts such as this would put a worn path on the hardwood beneath her feet in days.

Part of her wondered if she should simply head to the balcony once more and let the moonlight calm her mind. The rest of her knew that to be out in the open would invite prying eyes, particularly ones she was unwilling to speak to just yet. Her sister had no reason to know these things quite so suddenly, especially when she was not at all sure what to do with herself at all.

In a stroke of inspiration, she paused. Turning to her private desk, she remember a gift she had been given in time long past. Shuffling through the enormous pile of papers and personal items, she found a dusty leather diary sitting at the very bottom. She placed it on the desk and opened its pages for the first time, dipping her quill in ink as she began. Just before pen met paper she hesitated; was this wise? Did she even know what to write at all, or was all of this simply reactionary? Her mind was a muddled mess. She gave a deep, billowing sigh, feeling the weight of wracked emotions on top of an overly long day. She needed sleep, and clearing her mind would help.







April 14th, the Year MCCCXLV

My name is Princess Celestia. Despite all the many thoughts and emotions erupting within my brain tonight, I am at least certain of that. I hope Luna forgives me for the prolonged lack of use this diary has been given- it has sat within my care unused for quite some time now. Perhaps this is what it waited for.

Tonight has been… intriguing to say the very least. I guess I could say I brought it upon myself, really. I have often enjoyed friendly tricks, but I have unfortunately played it on the wrong suspect. I do not know when the guilt will truly leave me.

I struggle to write this. My mind is rattled. Perhaps I should start from the beginning?

It is strange to think the events that occurred tonight began over a month ago. The Solar Guard was conducting their many inspections and celebrations that come during the early days of spring. Once a year, I am called upon to personally inspect a regiment alongside their Commander. This year the Outer Wall was called upon, a group of soldiers known for skill in weapons. Ragtag, but well-meaning warriors. As always, I try to meet with my soldiers, do my best to make them feel welcome and appreciated, if only for a moment. It is a hard life.

As I went down the line, I came across a young soldier who seemed –how would I put it?- starstruck. I did not know if I took him by surprise, but my presence was both a matter of intense anxiety and great joy for him. For the rest of my time spent among the soldiers of the Outer Wall his eyes were upon me. Though he did not know it, I gave him one last look as I departed, his look of delight still evident on his face. It was an unexpectedly pleasant moment.

Or so I had thought. I awoke early the next morning to perform my duties, to bring the sun back to my kingdom again. As I made my way through the halls, I heard a familiar voice- it was the young soldier, accompanied by a friend as they maintained watch of the halls. As I listened in, I began to realize he was speaking of someone in a very… passionate manner. I discovered it was me. Their conversation continued, only becoming more vulgar as it went on, the young man’s passions being egged on by his companion.

Suddenly the events of the day prior had soured and I was displeased with him. Soldiers! Brave and resilient to the bitter end, but so often are they crude and juvenile. I was displeased to see such a new face to my ranks had already taken to such boyish ways. Perhaps I was influenced by the fact that it was of me that he spoke? Either way I resolved to settle the matter. I made directives for him to come under my eye as part of the Royal Guard, to test his mettle and see what was beneath. Whether it would end in an apology or a dismissal I did not know. I certainly hoped I would cure him of this attitude, as to let it sit and fester would only make it worse.

In no time at all he was trained and a full member of the Royal Guard, Commander Hearth Fire noting him and his Sergeant displayed natural aptitude towards the work. I subtly made inquiries as to their nature; what was he like, how did he operate in regards to other soldiers? Nothing of consequence came, but reports of his service as part of the Outer Wall was standard form for a newcomer; inexperienced but determined. Nothing to indicate cruelty or perversion, at least not yet.

I let him work with the others for a time, waiting for an indication of who he was. Yet, nothing came. Instead, my soldiers spoke well of him. So, seeing as I was the subject of his remarks, I decided to see what he was made of myself. I began to have him work with me directly, be in my presence where he could not escape. Slowly, as discreetly as I could manage, I manipulated myself and my surroundings so I could entice him. I wanted to be a temptation to him, to rouse the animal within and see who he really was.

He endured as well as anyone could manage, giving his all to maintain his composure around me. The dedication and integrity Hearth Fire and my long-time soldiers had mentioned showed itself… and something else I couldn’t quite recognize just yet. It intrigued me, as well as his behavior. He obviously struggled, but did his best not to give in.

After a month, I received word from Hearth Fire that he had requested to return to the Outer Wall, citing an “inability to perform to standard.” Hearth Fire, in usual form, was unable to understand why anyone would want to leave the Royal Guard. However, he mentioned a distinct despair in the young man’s expression, as if something weighed upon his shoulders. Even then, I felt a niggle of doubt in regards to my actions. Perhaps my course of actions had not been as well thought out as I had realized. I had, without meaning to, started a ticking time bomb.

Tonight, if it is unsurprising, the timer ran out and I pushed a good man and hurt a person more deeply than perhaps I ever have before. I asked him to perform a simple task for me; come into my bedroom and help me undress. As my more royal garb came undone and just as I put on the attire which I wear now, he broke. Instead of scandalous, the young man took a course far more romantic, taking me in his arms and- perhaps I should keep this within the contents of my own mind- giving me the finest kiss I have ever received.

What came next was humbling. In the time I had known the young man, not once did I pause to think that perhaps, just maybe, his struggle found a source in something much, much deeper.

Saber Ford is his name, and tonight I prodded him in the hopes of revealing a boy- but instead discovered a man. He had grown up infatuated with me, coming to love me as a young boy. Even his inscription into the Solar Guard was borne out of affection for me, a desire to look after me and keep me safe from harm. It was a motive so pure that I hadn’t even considered it- I felt, and still feel, a shame that I did not know I could possess. I took his heart and twisted it within my grasp for far too long. Oh Ford, I hope you can forgive me.

I spoke to him, comforted him as best I could. And, in perhaps what is really my biggest blunder of the night, I gave him my colors and a kiss of my own. He belongs to me and I to him.

A lover. In all my years upon this earth, never before have I taken a person to my side in such a manner. The girl in me is beside herself with an unreasonable excitement.

The queen, however, is an emotional wreck who wonders if I have just ruined a young man’s life. Ford is young, perhaps overly passionate, but virtuous. Despite what happened tonight between the two of us, I fear he still holds me on a pedestal- he has longed for me for nearly all of his life, how can he love someone who he idealizes? Soon enough he will come to realize that the woman he desired all these years does not exist- he loved a façade, and when he discovers all the flaws and failings beneath, the illusion will be stripped away. And perhaps it will be a disappointment he can never recover from…

Oh great heavens help me, what have I done tonight? I nearly broke a young man’s heart and tried to soothe it by making another mistake! What was I thinking, allowing such a thing to occur? I cannot have a lover, I am Princess! Keeper of the Sun, the Thousand-Year ruler, Wielder of Eternal Fire… everything a kingdom needs me to be. If I attend to the kingdom, I sacrifice time that Ford would deserve. He is an honorable soul, and deserved to be given true affection and time- not what little I could spare. Yet, if I do that, then the kingdom suffers. There are hundreds upon hundreds of thousands of souls within my kingdom, and the needs of many outweigh the needs of the one.

To top it all off, I do not even know how a relationship would be maintained at all in the first place. He is a Royal Guardsman and I am royalty- by law he is forbidden to even lay a hand on a noble and to break such a law would see him excommunicated from the Solar Guard- forever. If either of us were to be discovered, the fallout would be catastrophic. I would survive, but I do not think Ford would be at peace ever again, and for the rest of his life the one woman he loved would be his ruin. Perhaps it is a selfish thought, but I do not believe I would be able to bear the guilt of such a thing.

I believe I made a mistake. The more I look upon it, the more I am certain I have started down a path that will only end in failure. It will be a strain upon him that will never leave, and if the relationship fails? I will be the culprit of breaking his heart. We may not even have a thing in common, and though I am inexperienced, I am fairly certain that compatibility is necessary for a relationship to function.

… Unfortunately, ink does not so easily sweep away, and my words above remain. I left this diary for some time as I mulled over my next decision. My head feels clear and my heart is calm. I believe I have made a decision.

I will let things continue for now. To break it off so suddenly after fulfilling his deepest desires would only break Ford’s spirit. I am, just as he is, in unfamiliar territory. To panic like this is unbecoming, and certainly not fair to either of us.

Celestia, are you certain of this? Are you willing to admit that perhaps it is a girlish desire that keeps you from seeing sense? That you are not being swayed by the romanticism of the thought? You must remember that this is not a small matter- this is someone’s heart, their deepest and more desperate desires. You nearly broke him once. One wrong move and you may do irreparable damage.

Let it continue. Enjoy your time with him, but always remember: anything can come to an end.