This is just something I mostly wrote when I had a spare hour and no work to do this week at Uni, since it was just first week intro stuff. I had a laptop, a new Gotrek & Felix anthology book and a spare hour.
I’ll occasionally write a short 1000 – 2000 word update for this, when I want to write something fun and silly. I’m going to capitalise on the hilarity that is the skaven. Oh, in context they’re both hilarious and horrifying (Clan Moulder and Clan Pestilens? Eck.) but they’re just so much fun. I’ve got a few Skaven models and hope to build a Clan Skrye army at some point since they’re my favourite clan.
As of writing this I’m just waiting for Chapter 9 to get back from my pre-reader so I can post it, another reason I decided to just finish the first part of this off.
Anyway, here’s the fun little first chapter. Enjoy the bite-sized portions that will make up this story. I hope I captured the insanity that is the skaven properly.
***
Intelligence comes in many forms, and Grey Seer Thanquol knew he possessed them all. It was frustrating, he reflected, how none of his enemies were smart enough to appreciate their destroyer’s genius. Even worse was when they were so stupid they acted contrary to his usually perfect predictions. Still, a skilled tactician must adjust to changing situations and never had there been a finer tactician than Thanquol!
Yet somehow, impossibly, things were...
“Kill-slay stupid dwarf-thing and many-many warptokens will be yours!”
...not going as planned.
Not waiting to see if the Stormvermin acted on his kind and generous offer Thanquol leapt through the door and hurriedly bolted it shut. The cowards were already beating at the door like the filth they were. Doubtless, he mused, his ever jealous enemies in Skavenblight had wasted warptokens they could have spent on furthering the Horned Rat’s goals to bribe someone into sending the worst and meekest of the Stormvermin to him. Such treachery! When Thanquol returned victorious he would seek them out and punish them for putting their own selfish desires for revenge above their dedication to their god, undermining His most faithful servant’s good work.
Scrambling down the ancient corridor of the submerged temple with the sound of violence echoing frighteningly, the ever-valiant Grey Seer growled curses to the Horned Rat. All the effort he put to having the original leader of the warband assassinated so the more trustworthy Thanquol could take command risked being wasted. The death of Warlord Skrib had cost him many warptokens and the only chance had been at the height of the siege on the human fort barely two miles away. It still grated on Thanquol, how the foolish and weak under-skaven had been broken by their leader’s sudden, inexplicable death and prevented their new master from gaining the credit for the victory.
The thought that had he not killed the Warlord their forces would have overrun the fort with Skrib’s noted tactical skill and no messengers would have reached the nearby port failed to register in Thanquol's mind. All that he could think of was of completing the ritual and, after a whiff of warpstone-dust, crushing his enemies into a bloody smear.
A field of red descended on the rat priest’s vision each time he thought of the group of filthy lesser creatures invading his current lair. At their head were those two he hated so very, very much. The insane Dwarf Slayer and his henchman, the vile man-thing who had dogged his heels with vicious determination and, if you asked Thanquol, unprovoked spite.
If anything the man-thing, Felix Jaeger, seemed to have been infected with the Dwarf’s madness. The moment Grey Seer Thanquol had revealed himself with a blast of sorcerous green lightning the foolish human had gone crazy and started killing his way through the Stormvermin. The only comfort Thanquol could take was that the Slayer had seemed as surprised as he, and this was not something that he suspected happened often. Of course, the Dwarf had just started laughing and encouraging the man-thing Jaeger’s berserk actions which hardly helped. Hadn’t the man-thing learnt anything from Thanquol’s torture of his blood-parent?
He tried to remember where things had gone wrong, running through what had been going on before the attack
***
The ranked mass of Stormvermin, elite warriors of the Skaven warmachine, bristled with weapons and armour. When they had arrived from Skavenblight Thanquol had admired their strength and discipline as benefitted a master tactician observing his brave troops.
Thanquol rubbed his hands together, grinning madly as the last inhaled puff of powdered warpstone set his nerves on fire. So close! Soon he would return to Skavenblight with the greatest victory achieved in thousands of years buoying him to greatness beyond what he had already achieved.
He could see it, a statue of himself posing with his relic staff held high. It would be placed where all who entered Skavenblight could see it, and imbued with magic so that it could perceive those intending to scheme against him too. Warpstone eyes, Thanquol considered, with Clan Skyre engineering to allow them to unleash warp-lightning. They would not refuse him. After all, who could deny the commands of the future Seerlord?
Thanquol sniffed in another pinch of warpstone dust and cackled madly. Standing behind him was the lumbering mass that was Boneripper, a skeletal rat-orge rebuilt by the mad genius of Clan Skyre. It shifted slightly as if waiting an order from its master. The Stormvermin closest to the Grey Seer fidgeted, unnerved by their leader’s actions.
Seeing this he licked his lips. So much power, welling up inside him, waiting to be used and here in front of him were elite warriors looking nervous.
That really wouldn’t do, now would it? At least he had some spare magic the rat-priest thought as whips of dark green energy manifested around the nearest Stormvermin.
***
Clearly he should have executed more Stormvermin to galvanise them, not that it would help with the defective runts he had been sent.
Taking another sniff of powdered warp-stone Thanquol felt his flagging confidence begin to lift once more. But even the wave of power that left his nose and claws tingling was unable to encourage visions of destroying the cursed duo. For over twenty years they had possessed some damnable luck. It was the only explanation for their survival against as brilliant and cunning a foe as Grey Seer Thanqoul.
Passing a wall of odd shimmering metal, its surface reflective like water, Thanquol looked at his image. Rather than the thin, wispy-furred form of a skeletal skaven living well beyond the usual lifespan of its kind with a grey coat and a pair of large goat-like horns he saw a body in its prime if a bit on the skinny side burning with chaotic magics waiting to be unleashed upon his pitifully weak opponents. His eyes glowed a sickening green with dark power and hate, that at least shared in what was there and what he saw.
The shriek of metal breaking caused the Grey Seer to jump in fright. Though he refused to acknowledge it Thanquol’s fear glands tightened and sprayed the musk of fear – or tired to anyway. His muck was already splattered further down the corridor. He hurried on, scurrying with all his well-earned speed – a true genius made sure he was strong enough to quickly flee despite the knowledge that there was nothing that could even make him. Behind him the door was finally forced open and loud Khazalid oaths filled the halls. The Dwarf swore in his natural tongue as he got a lungful of skaven piss.
Thanqoul’s staff, a powerful relic on its own, tapped the floor in time with his own hurried footsteps. He burst into the chamber at the temple’s centre, a massive stone dome covered in arcane runes even the vast intellect of Thanqoul had yet to decipher completely. What he did know, however, was that it was a gateway connecting to another point. Thanqoul suspected it to lead to an old temple in the heart of the domain of the High Elves. The possibility of plundering the island of Ulthuan was too good for the skaven to miss out on.
Thoughts of the arcane treasures and elf-slaves that awaited him had filled Thanqoul’s dreams and on the cusp of victory who had turned up but the wretched Slayer and his henchman! Clearly someone had betrayed their plans to the lesser races in the hopes of thwarting him! Whoever had been so foolish as to put their personal ambitions above the will of the Horned Rat would have to be punished most terribly. Perhaps the Council of Thirteen would allow Thanquol the honour of finding and punishing the responsible parties.
Shaking away thoughts of wrecking his great revenge, the old rat focused his powers on the dome. The magic in the ancient stone was like none he had seen before. One of the previous researchers had put forth the idea that it was a leftover artefact of some powerful race that had a hand in the world’s creation before even the coming of Chaos. Certainly the way the power stored within resisted warp-energy gave this some credence.
Thanqoul had promptly used a favourite spell to flay and melt the simpleton alive. All knew the Horned Rat was the oldest and greatest power, having gifted the world to his chosen children. Gathering as much warpstone left in the room as possible at the speed of fear, Thanquol raced to the dome.
There was no time to use the tentative ritual that they suspected would allow the artefact to be used by skaven, and Thanqoul was a master of sorcery anyway. He sneered at the stabilising devices and instruments left by the idiotic Skrye warlocks who had been working on it. He was one the Rat’s chosen, a Grey Seer. He had no need for their useless trash.
He validated this by blasting the pointless wastes of space out of the way with a wave of green force after he used them to scramble atop the dome.
The door to the chamber was treated to much the same treatment as the last and the Slayer burst in.
“Cowardly rat!” he roared, brandishing his axe. Coming in behind Gotrek, Felix didn’t waste any time with pleasantries. He simply sprinted towards the dome, a mask of anger over his face.
Thanquol most certainly did not let out a squeak of fright, not in any sense of the words! He did, however, begin to mutter a chant. Sickly green strands of power gathered around the head of his staff. He lifted it high, preparing to unleash doom on the mortal who dared to threaten the mighty Thanquol, when something moved at the corner of his eye. Glancing up, Thanquol’s empty glands squeezed at the sight of the human breeder in the door with an arrow notched to a bow. The moment he saw was the moment she realised it.
Shrieking, the Grey Seer swung his staff in at the breeder and a worm-like twisting column of warp-energy was sent flying at her.
“Kat!” Felix screamed out his lover’s name when he saw the mad rat turning its magic on her. But her years of hunting beastmen in the forests of Empire had given her superb reflexes and the nimble archer leapt to the side. Her arrow was vaporised but she was unharmed.
It was a near miss though, and both Gotrek and Felix felt rage at the sight.
“You’ll regret that, vermin.” Bellowed Gotrek, beginning to climb the dome.
With the man-thing coming up oneside, the insane Dwarf another and an archer who was trying to kill him with all the intensity of someone who had been told you tortured their lover’s father to death for no reason, Thanquol panicked.
Not, to be clear, that he ever panicked. Any rat who dared suggest such a thing where Thanquol could hear it quickly learnt that old and crazy he might be, he was still a powerful Grey Seer.
From his belt Thanquol drew a fist sized lumb of warpstone which he quickly swallowed in a single go. He forced the lump down his throat with some effort. Its power began to leak out, filling the rat-priest with unmatched magical might and instilling confidence that normally would have him facing even an army with certainty that he would win.
Drawing every ounce of that power into his hands he funnelled it into his staff and brought its butt straight down on the centre of the dome, desperate strength fuelling the blow.
The dome, a relic of the Old Ones, shivered and glowed brightly as the pure untainted energies instilling it were forced to mesh with Chaos energy. The beings who had shaped the world had been creatures of order and their power was untainted.
The dome cracked just as Felix got within arm’s reach of the skaven, knocking both human and dwarf clear, before promptly exploding in a wave of energy and reality warping magic. Thanquol’s shriek of fear trailed away as he was collapsed into the violent vortex of energy.
***
Fluttershy was roused from her slumber by the frantic shaking of Angel Bunny, who had his little paws on her side as he tried to wake her.
Staring blearily at him, her expression quickly became concerned.
“Oh, Angel Bunny, is something wrong? I mean, not that I mind you waking me up, I just I hope you’re okay.” Fluttershy murmured quietly, reaching over to pet him gently.
Angel Bunny slapped her hoof away and leaped down from her bed, running to the door and pointing desperately into the main room. It was then that she realised there was an odd green glow.
Strength ebbed from Fluttershy’s legs and she could barely bring herself to get out of bed. Every step seemed to take a few minutes and she shook fearfully.
“T-That’s l-looks like its....” trailing off, Fluttershy took a deep breath and tried to think about what Rainbow Dash would do.
“You gonna glow in MY house when I’m trying to sleep? Oh It. Is. ON!”
Fluttershy frowned. Maybe not Rainbow Dash.
Impatient, Angel Bunny began to tap his foot. He waved at the door again with an expression of annoyance.
“O-Okay Angel.” Gulping down air, Fluttershy took another tentative step towards the door. Nothing happened, which Fluttershy couldn’t decide was good or not. While nothing had happened yet, well, nothing had happened yet meaning anything could still happen.
As though the universe was listening to her thoughts anything did happen, or more accurately something did. The green light became a nova and a sound like the crash of thunder and Fluttershy took only a second to scoop up Angel Bunny before diving under her bed where she quivered in fright. Locked in his owner’s tight embrace, Angel Bunny let out a long suffering sigh. It was going to be one of those nights.
Neither noticed the thump of something large hitting the floor.