//------------------------------// // Chapter 4: Revitalize // Story: A Lonely Star // by DemonSaint //------------------------------// She set down her quill in time for a knock to echo throughout the castle. The brief bout of euphoria that had dazed her had long since ended, and after sending her last letter to Celestia for the time being, she had been writing in the new Journal. Her old reports had been copied and magically bound to the spine of the book, pressed between the back cover and the pages as the precious special feature to carry around with her when she went on her journey. As for the book itself, she'd opened with a greeting and a short synopsis of what she'd be doing in her travels for friendship. She wondered what she should title it. "The Friendship Journal: Volume II" or "The Friendship Journal: Stronger Together"? She couldn't just give it the second title of Friendship Quests, that would be too repetitive... Another series of knocks snapped her out of her thoughts. Reminded of her situation, the hairs on the back of her neck stood up; Because of the map's earlier sporadic cutie-calling, she was dreading the possibility of having any visitors come knocking, and it was mostly because they might have been her ex-friends coming to yell at her about the cutie map's call. They were coming to scream at her, weren't they? We're done with you! Fix your stupid map! And then they'd slam the door in her face. "If they start yelling," Twilight breathed in, out, then got off of her chair to answer the door. "Who the cutie map calls isn't under my control." There was another, much more frantic knocking just as Twilight entered the main hall. Carefully, slowly, she opened the door and was met with a pink missile that tackled her to the ground and began squeezing the life out of her. "Twilight! I'm so sorry I didn't say anything sooner and that everypony was being mean and that we don't want the adventures anymore but things weren't supposed to be this bad and I'm sorry for all the songs and the yelling and..." Pinkie gasped for air. "I'm sorry! You've still got friends, Twilight! Don't do it!!!" Twilight blinked dumbly at the bombardment of apologies as Pinkie began to sob on her chest. "What are you—" She squirmed, finally able to breathe again. "—don't do what?" Pinkie looked like a kicked puppy as she stared up at Twilight and sniffled. "I— I thought that... Starlight said..." "Sorry, Twilight." Starlight entered behind Pinkie, Spike in tow. "I may have misunderstood things, and my mind jumped to the worst conclusions..." "It's... It's okay, Pinkie." Twilight blinked as Pinkie got off of her and stood her back up. "... What did you not want me to do?" Pinkie shook her head. "Doesn't matter now. You're okay, and that's what we needed to know, but... Can you ever forgive me? I'm so sorry, I—" "It's not your fault, Pinkie." Twilight's ears drooped. Spike wrapped his arms around her foreleg, a gesture she returned. "It was... a number of things. I just set it off with my outburst, and it spun out of control since then..." She looked to Starlight, remembering Celestia's letter. "... You three went to talk with the others?" Starlight pursed her lips and sighed, then reached out to push the door open even further. Just beyond the portal stood Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash with varying levels of irritability and regret on their faces. The spark hurt again. Her heart jerked and began thrashing rapidly in her chest. Her ears pinned back. With a violet glow, the castle doors slammed shut. She shook her head, looking to Pinkie with wide eyes as the muffled shouts of Rainbow Dash sounded from beyond the door. "Whoa, hey, we didn't just get pulled away from our jobs just so we could come to your castle and not talk to you!" Twilight flinched back, her gaze snapping to Starlight and Pinkie. "Whose idea was this?" "Uhm—" "I've heard enough of what they have to say. I don't want to hear any more, I don't want to get yelled at for the stunt that the map tried to pull, I don't want to talk." "I'm sorry, Twilight." Starlight sighed and put a hoof on her mentor's shoulder as the rest of the girls pushed the door open, allowing themselves in. "You all need this. How else are you going to reconcile?" Twilight stepped away, watching them all with wary eyes. "Look, Twi." Applejack stepped forward. "We've heard a lot from the townsfolk about how you've been all today, and we can't exactly let it go unsaid. This needs ta' be clearer than what you overheard last night." "It's a bit late for that." Twilight's wings fluffed up as they gathered around her. She tried to back up, but Spike clinging to her foreleg forced her to stay put. "You've already spelled it out for me, multiple times. I heard you loud and clear. You're done with me, and I'm going to have to be done with you." "Twilight, that's ridiculous." Rarity sidled up a little too closely to Twilight for her liking. Which, at the moment, was anywhere within wing distance. "Just because we can't go on adventures anymore doesn't mean we can't still be friends, we just... Won't be around to help you with your... Problems." She grimaced, then cleared her throat. "As often, I mean. There will be distance, but... That sounded much less horrible in my head." "You think?" Twilight glared, allowing herself to snap a little. The enormous main foyer of the castle felt claustrophobic with everyone so close, and having Spike clinging to her leg while all of the girls surrounded her made it worse. She felt trapped. She was breathing rapidly as she shrugged Rarity away from her side and fluffed her wings further in a bid for some space. "I told you, I don't want to talk to you. I heard everything, even your conversation when you hid from Pinkie earlier this afternoon. And I don't know if you've noticed, but everything you said back at the castle was horrible." She glared at them all, now; The only ones avoiding her wrath were the two who hadn't been involved in the conflict... and Pinkie, though she was still miffed that she and Starlight had brought the others along to talk to her. It was irrational, as they hadn't known about her earlier breakdown and decision making, but to automatically invite the others into her castle so soon after the fight? Bringing them into her home, despite the fact that she just said she didn't want them here? It was hard not to be angry with them. Out of all of the ponies present, Rainbow looked the least enthused to be here and a little more annoyed than the rest at her tone. Applejack looked frustrated and confused, but she had removed her hat and left Twilight's words unchallenged. Rarity, on the other hoof, looked as guilty and regretful as... No, it was probably resentment that she'd had to face this, and regret that Twilight had heard her. And maybe there was real guilt in there, somewhere, but Rarity had used her from day one. She had been infatuated with her status, her hometown, and the ascension only exasperated the issue. There had been friendship with all of them once, but the regret had to have come from being unable to use her anymore. Sure, Twilight had been happy to do it for her back then, but if she knew then what she did now, she might not have endorsed her products at all. "I want you three out of my castle." Twilight frowned, ignoring their objections. "If you're so concerned about your jobs, then go tend to them. Why spend time on somepony you've already decided to cut ties with?" "Hey, maybe it's because we didn't get to say everything we were going to say?" Rainbow huffed, stepping closer. "Sure, maybe we were harsh about it, and we shouldn't have been talking about you like that, but you can't pin this all on us. You could have talked to us back then, and maybe we wouldn't be here having this talk now!" Twilight whirled upon Dash, sparks flying from her horn in her fury. "Well how would you feel if you stumbled upon your best friends talking about how much of a "bum flyer" you are?! Or, oh, 'Rainbow Dash only got into the Wonderbolts as a personal favor from Spitfire!' Of course you'd brute force your point down somepony's throat, but do you ever think about how other ponies might feel?!" Rainbow's face reddened. "Or how about the fact that I'd heard you shouting about cracking that egg head right open as soon as you saw me that night? What about being scared that you actually would? Maybe you could have even taken your own advice and talked to me about your issues sooner, what about any of that?!" Twilight was very nearly snarling, but at the very least, Rainbow had backed off and Spike had let go of her leg, looking between the girls with shock on his face. Twilight took a deep breath, just so she wouldn't explode further. "W-well..." Dash grimaced. "Okay, I messed up, but..." "I'm expecting a letter from Celestia soon." The alicorn said firmly as she regained her composure. She ignored their wide-eyed stares as she turned and headed back toward her study. "I'll be leaving Ponyville for a while. I need time to clear my head. Now, I would very much like you three to leave my castle." "Whoa, hold up, Twi. Maybe ya need to think this over f'r a minute..." "That's what I'm trying to do." She didn't turn back to them as she flared her wings. "Get out. Go back to your day-to-day lives, stop bothering with me, and just go." Starlight raised an eyebrow. "What brought this on? I mean, you'll be getting some space and all, but you don't have to leave Ponyville to do that." Twilight looked to the map room for a moment, thinking back on the overturned table. The expanded overturned table. "I do, actually. Ponyville is a small town, I'll see them everywhere. I need to get away for a while to stop being reminded of them." She paused, then, realizing she hadn't heard the door yet. "I just wish you all told me something before all of this." Twilight snorted as she turned her attention back to the ponies that were still in the castle foyer. "I know you can't keep dropping everything for me, but that doesn't mean you should talk about me and use me the way you have. I can't fix a problem if I don't know it exists, being used and exploited because of who and what I am hurts, and blaming me for adventures that you wanted to accompany me on is just plain hypocritical. Now, please leave. I have some packing to do." She frowned, turning away again as if her inattention was enough to forcefully push them out. "Alright then," Applejack, surprisingly, was the first to concede. "You need time to yer'self. I'll go back to the Acres, do my thing, an' wait for ya to cool down." "Applejack, what..." Rarity trailed off mid-sentence as Applejack put a hoof on her shoulder, shaking her head and urging Rarity to follow her out. Rainbow frowned and turned to the door, showing herself out. "Fine, Twi, but... Don't come crying to us about not trying to talk about this." Twilight barely held back her snort. "I won't." With a pinkish glow, the doors shut once again. Without waiting for a queue from Starlight or Pinkie, she began trotting back to her study, doing her best to even out her breathing as she waited for the sound of hooves and claws to follow her. After a few moments, she heard them, and Spike, Starlight, and a bounce-less Pinkie followed her. As Twilight searched her study for her best set of saddlebags, Starlight took a chance in breaking the awkward silence. "Twilight, why are you acting like this? This... Isn't like you." Twilight continued to look for a moment, trying to formulate the right words without making the situation worse. "I'm just..." She clenched her jaw and sighed. "I'm tired. I'm hurt. I lost three of my closest friends, and maybe a fourth, and all they want to do is push the blame onto me. I got Rainbow to admit she messed up, sure, but I don't want to deal with all of this right now. I want to get started on this trip as soon as possible and just leave the past two weeks behind me." She grabbed her saddlebags in her magic and began to reinforce them, applying an enchantment to expand just how much she could fit into the bag and lighten the load. While the length of her trip was still undecided, she figured she shouldn't take chances, and maxed out the spells as far as she possibly could, even going as far as to proof them against the elements. Don't want to get tossed into a river and lose everything else, She thought grimly. "As for your earlier question, my role as a princess thus far has mostly been going places to fix friendship problems or venturing out to take care of world-ending threats.." Twilight paused to inspect the saddlebag, nodding with approval before setting it down. "I feel like... Like I'm not meant to just stay in one place. So, as Princess of Friendship, I think I'm going to be traveling abroad, teaching friendship, having adventures, and making friends along the way. After whatever vacation it is I'm going to be taking." Spike fiddled with his claws at the change in subject. "... W-wait. Are you going all alone? You're not going to try to sort things out with the girls..?" "No. Not right now." Twilight's expression twitched, but she rubbed Spike's spines with one hoof. For him, she'd let a small smile creep onto her face. At the very least, it was more genuine than the one from earlier that day. "Maybe for the first trip, I'll be alone, but when I get homesick, I'll come right back here." Pinkie shuffled on her hooves, looking nervous. "Twilight, what if you never get homesick?" "What if you don't come back?!" She and Spike blurted at the same time. "You're not going to talk me out of it. I need to get away for a while. I thought about opening a school here in Ponyville, but the ideal teachers for certain subjects aren't going to be in contact with me, and have their own lives to get to. After thinking it over, I've also realized that teaching friendship in a classroom just... doesn't work." Pinkie's jaw dropped. "I know." Twilight sighed, shaking her head. "I read over the EEA's rulebook for running a school. As much as I hate to admit it, you don't learn friendship with worksheets and textbooks in a regulated environment where fun isn't allowed." At their worried or shocked looks, she pursed her lips. "Magic kindergarten pushed me away from trying to make friends. Any friends, at all, I just viewed as study partners. Even Spike can tell you that the only pony I considered anything near a friend was my big brother, and he's years older than me." She shrugged. "Friendship isn't something you can teach in a classroom, it's something you have to go out and experience for yourself." Spike grimaced and glanced to Starlight, who hadn't known what Twilight was talking about. "Okay... But you didn't answer the question, Twilight. What are you going to do if you get captured again? What if you get into trouble and can't come back? Or if you never get homesick and just won't come back?" "I don't think that'd be possible, Spike." She replied with a small, sheepish grin. "Our home is in Ponyville. We've lived in this crazy town for so long that monster attacks are normal occurrences, and any town that doesn't have something like that is going to feel strange indeed." The little dragon smiled a little at the joke. Twilight was just happy she got a cheerier expression out of him, but he sobered up rather quickly. "And the "can't" part? What if... Just... Promise you'll come back?" "Pinkie promise!" The pink pony interjected. Twilight sighed, but couldn't help the slight smile alighting on her features. "I pinkie promise that I'll come back." She nodded, going through the motions. "Just because I'm leaving for a while doesn't mean I'll be gone forever. And I won't be entirely alone if something bad happens; I'll be making friends along the way." Before anypony could say anything more, a crack of magic dropped a scroll in front of Twilight. The four of them all stared at it for a moment, with Spike pausing to make sure his mailing flame still worked, before Twilight took the scroll in her magic and unfurled it to read. Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle, What you are suggesting is noble, but it could be dangerous to go alone. It may get easier as you make more friends, but if you remember the advice I'd given you the day of Starlight's graduation, you will know what scenarios are playing out in my thoughts right now. If you're going to start your adventure, alone or with a friend, I will approve it on one condition: Write letters to me while you're traveling. They don't have to be full reports on what you learned that day, or anything extravagant, but they can be simple updates on how you are doing so we may know you're safe. This way, if you ever find yourself in trouble, we have a way to find you. Signed, Princess Celestia Relief shot through her. "I've been approved!" Starlight offered her a hesitant congratulations. Pinkie looked like she was holding herself back from an objection. Spike, who had been fiddling with his claws until this point, looked up to Twilight. "Hey, Twilight? It's just... I... Should I come with you?" Twilight blinked and looked at Spike. Memories flashed through her mind. She thought of all the times Rarity used him, of all the times he'd stayed inside with Twilight for her to reorganize her books over a weekend, how often he'd been dropped or hit with something a long time ago, and how little he usually got to accompany herself and the girls upon adventures... Just what would he do with her gone? What would her ex-friends do to him— or worse, how would they use him with Twilight out of the picture for weeks or months at a time? Her mind jumped to the worst instances of possible abuse, and the doubt only seemed to magnify as she thought about her standing with her ex-friends. She shuddered as she vividly remembered Rarity using Spike as a pincushion once, and it seemed so much more menacing in her mind's eye as Rarity continued to poke and prod, and scales fell to the tile floor, and there was blood, and... "Don't worry, Spike." Starlight patted the dragon on the back. "She'll be fine." Rarity wouldn't do that. Twilight took a steadying breath as Spike chewed his lip and nodded. "But... Twilight, when you get back from your adventure, I'm coming with you next time. Deal?" Twilight swallowed dryly and scuffed her hoof on the floor. Better to be safe, than sorry. "Okay. Just... Okay. Here, I'm going to need to set some ground rules for when I'm gone. First off: Nopony "borrows" Spike." Twilight let them know about Celestia's proposed talk for that night, mostly so that they wouldn't worry and lose too much sleep that night thinking about her travels. They all still looked worried, but she brushed it off. It was to be expected, since she was taking a trip on her own. She continued laying out the ground rules as she packed her saddlebags, moving from room to room as she prepared for the worst occasions. As they collaborated, Spike and Starlight would input something Twilight hadn't thought of yet, which hopefully ensured that her property would remain intact and that Spike wouldn't be taken by one of the others to help them with something absurd. Pinkie was suspiciously quiet, looking uncomfortable every time someone said any word synonymous with "adventure." "... And if anything happens, I want one of you to send me a letter." Twilight nodded. "I'll be sending my own off to Celestia so she knows I'm alright, and I think I can forward a copy to you, too. That way, we're all still in contact, and I can still help out in Ponyville if disaster strikes." This seemed to relieve some tension, but they still seemed nervous. It isn't anything too bad, Twilight thought to herself, pausing to examine the contents of her bags. At least they care about me. But, then, so had the others, enough to save me when... Yadda yadda, Storm King, bleh. Twilight shook her head. She had packed a bedroll, travel snacks (mostly consisting of dry oats and hardtack until she could visit a market stall), a canteen, a lantern, lantern oil, quills, ink and paper, survival handbooks, a small survival hatchet, a compass, her bitbag, a rope, a firestarting kit, a scarf, a cloak, some spellbooks for light reading and learning in her free time, and so on in her saddlebags. Sure, she had flight and magic, so she probably wouldn't need some of this stuff, but it never hurt to be prepared if she got stuck in the wilderness. Her handbooks certainly said so. I mean, what are the chances I'll be unable to fly or use magic in the future? "Are you sure you have to go?" Pinkie finally spoke, breaking Twilight from her thoughts. The alicorn blinked at her, confused as to how she was still so somber. "Honestly, Pinkie? I think it's the best thing for me right now." "B-but..." Pinkie shivered, drooping, "But I'm sorry, Twilight. You don't have to leave, I..." She continued to stutter apologies, sounding much like Twilight herself had the night before. Twilight blinked, unnerved by the fact that the happiest of her friends was now so distraught, but then it struck her. Oh. Pinkie thought it was her fault that she was leaving. "Pinkie, look at me." Twilight lifted her chin with a hoof, wincing when she saw Pinkie's lip trembling. She had made her cry, again. As if Seaquestria's aftermath wasn't enough. "Please understand, Pinkie. I'm doing this because I want to. It's not because of you, alright? Not you, not our argument, and not... well, maybe to have some space from the other girls, since all of the fighting resulted in me thinking about the idea in the first place, but I pinkie promised that I'll come back and visit. And I also pinkie promise that I'm telling the truth when I say that none of this is your doing, okay?" Pinkie nodded, but no matter how bitter Twilight felt about the past few days, her heart twinged as the normally cheerful pony sniffled. She carefully wrapped her forelegs around the pink pony, to which Pinkie returned with a hearty, Pinkie-Pie-style bear hug. All the air in Twilight's lungs was forced out of her body. "Oof!" "I'm gonna miss you!" The pink mare cried, more than a little theatrically. Twilight swore that her spine was going to give out on her. "I'm... gonna miss you, too... Pinkie." She rasped. She was still in Pinkie's clutches when Starlight looked between the two ponies and a nearby window. "Are you going to take a nap before you fly to Canterlot? No offense, but you've been walking like you've slept on nothing but solid ground for the past few weeks." Starlight paused to think about it, then shrugged. "I guess that's not surprising, considering everything that's happened." "I don't think I can wait... until sunrise." Twilight grimaced, taking a moment to catch her breath as Pinkie finally let her down. "I... oof. I just want to get going. The longer I stay, the more of a chance there is that they'll try to talk again before I'm ready, which is... something I'd rather not deal with. And no," she added before Pinkie could interject, the pink mare deflating a little, "I don't want a going away party. If you want, though, we can have small homecoming get-togethers when I get back?" That made Pinkie perk back up almost immediately. As they walked toward the castle doors, Twilight penned a letter to Celestia, letting her know that she was about to start her new journey. And, to the surprise of the others, Twilight suddenly trotted back into the study. "Twilight?" Twilight looked to her friends. "Just a second." She swept the unfinished book into her saddlebag, her notes and letters still safely tucked inside the bindings. It was the most important part of her new friendship quest, and just to be safe, she grabbed another blank duplicate before looking around her study for anything of further interest. When nothing caught her eye, she left the room and continued down the hall with the others. "... What was that?" Starlight asked. "I'm writing a new friendship journal." Twilight's walk was almost leisurely as she looked around the interior of her home, knowing she wasn't going to be seeing it for a while. "I was going to finish it before I left, but I don't want to wait to leave, or I might never get started." She shrugged. "Besides that, I've hit a little writer's block. I'm not going to just rehash my old letters to Celestia, and just rewriting old journal entries would give the book a limited perspective. If both books say the same thing, then what would the incentive be for readers to get this one instead of the old one?" There was a stretch of silence after that. Nobody really knew what to say. Pinkie was still a little gloomy as they reached the doors to the Castle of Friendship, Spike looked like he was hesitant to let Twilight to leave, and Starlight looked confused, but Twilight refrained from broaching the subjects further. She couldn't stay here, and didn't want them to try convincing her just as she was about to leave. The sun had begun to set as she, Pinkie, Starlight, and Spike exited to see her off. "Take care, Twilight." Spike hugged her just one more time. "You be sure to come back, alright?" "I already pinkie promised, twice." Twilight winked, spreading her wings. "I'll see you guys later." "Be careful!" Starlight and Spike waved as she took off. Pinkie leaped into the air and screamed into the approaching night. "Don't forget to write!" Twilight smiled and waved behind her as she headed back to Canterlot. Hours later, after having tea with Celestia and discussing the nature of her journey, Twilight found herself high above Equestria, finally ready to begin. She veered from the city and kept looking back toward her home as Ponyville got smaller and further away. Even from the sky of Canterlot, if she squinted just right, she could see the lights in Sugarcube Corner turn off for the night, the Cakes probably settling back into their home after everything that had happened over the past two weeks. The stress, hopefully, would be lifted from their shoulders now that Pinkie was around to stay. Twilight couldn't help but wonder about them, now, but she hoped that there wouldn't be any lasting damage because of her intrusion into their lives. The lights in Rarity's Boutique flicked on, catching Twilight's attention. She was likely going through one of her sleepless phases, having tried to sleep, but finding herself unable to. So, she turned her restlessness into something useful, and would stitch dresses until the small hours of the morning. Twilight fondly remembered stumbling upon the frenzied unicorn one night after a particularly stressful day just to help her sleep, then later, when they all had been lifting her out of her funk to put on a real fashion show for Hoity Toity. Her wings jerked and she quickly corrected herself, averting her gaze to the massive swath of trees surrounding Sweet Apple Acres. The white and pink blossoms had yet to begin their transitions into the delicious fruit, and she couldn't help but think of the first Applebuck season she'd borne witness to during her stay in Ponyville, where Applejack nearly worked herself to death to get the harvest done. How Applejack finally relented and let her and the rest of their friends help harvest the apples, settling down together for some ice cold lemonade afterwards, talking and joking amongst themselves and enjoying each others' company... Her wings tried to get her to land in the orchard before she regained her senses, stopping herself from reminiscing on the memories they'd had there. She had been bound to Ponyville for a couple of years, now, and her nerves were screaming at her to go back home. Her crystal castle was still quite visible from where she'd flown. Her wings shuddered once more, and she had to firm her heart to prevent herself from veering back. She had to keep this mindset, even as she viewed the dark mass of cloud that seemed to change locations over Ponyville almost every day, the one with rainbow fountains that was beautifully crafted and belonged to a friend that was no longer hers. Twilight shook her head. Yes, she had promised Pinkie a Pinkie Promise that she would return when she felt homesick, but so soon after her departure? She wasn't getting homesick already. This feeling was best explained as getting cold hooves and being afraid of change, or a longing for what she could no longer have. She recognized this, and knew that she had to break out of her shell and leave the comfort of home, of her old friends, of the stagnancy that had come and the troubles that had followed. The destiny that used to lay in Ponyville was now beyond its borders, and she was going to follow it. I'm doing this. Tonight. She told herself. I don't know where I'll go first, but going back isn't an option right now. The Crystal Empire, Mount Aris, Seaquestria, Abyssinia, the Changeling Hive, Griffonstone, Yakyakistan... She thought of all of the places she could go. Maybe she could try flying beyond the known world. There were so many places, but no matter what she chose first, she wanted to save the Dragonlands for when Spike would come with her. She looked back one last time to her crystal tree, silently apologizing to the young dragon for the sudden trip. I'll be back sooner than you know it.