//------------------------------//
// Chapter 18: Holla at the moon 
// Story: Diary of a Store Clerk 
// by GnollReader 
//------------------------------//

"Alright!" Twilight grinned as the others watched the both of us. "First off, some basic stuff..." she went over her list "Name... Woodchuck, right? No additional names?"

"Right," I nodded. Somehow feeling anxious as i already had an inkling what the next questions would be.

"Race?"

"Eh... that's a tough one, actually." I leaned back in my chair and rubbed my chin in thought as I pondered this interview-turned questionary's question in my mind.

I hadn't actually thought of how to handle the subject properly yet. Luna, Celestia and Silver Blossom knew of the whole human thing. But to the mane six I was the bearotaur. So, how to explain that difference in a way that wouldn't cause them to call me human in front of the other residents of Shoretrot?

A small sigh escaped me "First of all. Both me and Silver Blossom are human." A brief check confirmed the others were listening closely now, "but to the ponies of this place, we are bearotaurs."

Rainbow Dash gave me a confused look "Why do they call you bearotaurs?"

"Because that's what I told them I was." i mumbled and toyed with my tea cup, looking up from it to observe their expectant faces. "Humans aren't native to this world, at least not as far as I, " I motioned to Luna "Or Luna and Celestia are aware of." Luna nodded in confirmation. "So it just seemed better at the time to assume a racial identity the ponies of this place could come to terms with."

"But a bearotaur?" Twilight gave me an astonished look "You have none of their combined traits!" 

"He certainly does not have the temper either," Rarity mused.

"Well," I graciously heaped sugar into my tea "That may be but none of them had as it turned out ever met a real bear much less seen a Minotaur. They had seen pictures of bears standing on their hind legs though." I sighed and sipped my tea, "And by good will, they accepted it."

"So. " Applejack asked "What do we call ya'h then?"

"Woody?" I offered with a shrug and saw her huff "Look, to the ponies of this place both me and Silver Blossom are bearotaurs, so why change that? We are humans but from my viewpoint it makes little difference to anyone but me and her."

"It is not that arbitrary," Twilight looked at me with concern "There is so much we are unaware of; be it your language, religious and social beliefs, taboos and rites. your entire culture!" she continued, "What foods you can eat, what you need to eat, what you cannot eat, what medicine you can't handle, what changes we have to expect with rising age," she saw my brow go higher and higher. "There are so many important things we need to know!"

"And you're expecting me to know all of these things?" I asked her, causing her to blink in surprise. "Twilight, I'm not a physician, nor a scientist. I have no idea how my body works or what medicine I should be wary of. Not to mention some things my body has been doing since coming here I have never done before."

"The hibernation?" Silver asked curiously.

I nodded to Silver "That, for one." I looked back to Twilight "I'm a shopkeeper, an immigrant... and I adapted to the culture of this place." I briefly considered "I mean, yes. There are some things I know, and there is much I can tell. But to what end?"

I tried my best to convey to them the difficulty of what they were asking "Humans are complicated, and not unified as a nation by race like the races of this world tend to be. There are countless different cultures, religions and languages: each with their own history and social systems," I paused "and I cannot even begin to explain them all... nor do I want to try."

I saw one or two of them start to protest but stopped them by continuing. "As far as I see it, Silver Blossom and I both have become a part of this world. and by all standards we have been doing fairly well." I paused, "All things considered I think she should be the one asking the questions."

Applejack gave me a pondering look "Ah have to agree with Woody," she looked at Silver Blossom, "After all this is for her sake. Not ours."

Twilight seemed to deflate a lot at that, while Silver Blossom tried to hide on her chair sensing the attention of the others turn to her.

"But, Twilight" she looked at me, "if it helps, surely Silver Blossom can report to you regularly what she finds."

"I actually like that idea, why not take it a step further?" Luna commented over her cup of tea "We all can report our findings to Twilight, that way she will have multiple accounts on the matter to collect and compare, not to mention she can add her own findings as well." she looked to me "After all we will all be taking turns staying here."

"Oh, yeah. I almost forgot." I replied dryly and I swear to this day she smirked behind that cup of hers.

Should I have been surprised that Twilight liked that idea? I suppose not.

"This is a great idea!" she beamed that enthusiastic smile of hers "Each week the one of us staying here at the time will write a report on their findings at the end of the week and send it to me! It will be like a scientific diary!"

"Do I have to write a weekly report too?" Silver Blossom asked with concern.

"Of course! You're the most important subject here!" Twilight replied.

"Report writing?" Rarity mused with a smile "I will certainly do my best to make it an exciting report to read."

"As will I." Luna smiled.

"Do I really have too, Twilight?" Silver Blossom pouted "You know I'm not good at reports."

"And that's exactly why this is the perfect opportunity for you to practice." Twilight smiled and folded up her stacks of paper "I already look forward to all of your reports!" she giggled "For once I'll be getting the letters!"

Rainbow Dash groaned and clung to the table "Aww... I wanted to check out the local nightlife! Not write reports!"

I did not have the heart to tell her that there was no nightlife in Shoretrot. She would most likely find out on the first night out herself.

Twilight just smiled "Well a report of the area will certainly be helpful, if you want to write one. Anything from topography, to fauna and flora would be great!" she finished packing up her pens. "Ohh, and you could collect samples! I can give you some sample jars!"

Rainbow Dash's head made a thump as she let it sag onto the table, exchanging understanding looks with Silver Blossom who was actively trying to mold onto the chair by letting her arms hang and her shoulders sag, if only it would mean not having to do this chore.

Applejack chuckled as she watched the two's antics. "Ah' never thought I'd be writing reports, Ah'll have to practice back home!"

I in the meantime was trying my best to turn invisible, not moving or speaking up... just hold still and look inconspicuous was the order of the moment. I certainly had no desire to write a weekly report. 

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Rarity smirk as she noticed my frozen posture. "Don't worry, Woody." my blood froze, "I'll be sure to remind you to write your report as well this week."

Fun fact number one; always be wary of Rarity.





So, that was that. I had escaped having to answer Twilight's questionaire only to find myself having to write a weekly report on myself. Honestly I had no idea what I would be writing about at that point. 

Not that it mattered really at that time being, everyone had agreed to this plan and I certainly wasn't going to complain about it see as the alternative likely would have involved Twilight taking out her sample jars.

We cleaned up, Rainbow Dash and Apple Jack wished us a good night and departed for their lodging with Copper Cobbler along with Twilight, and my three house guests of the week began to get ready for bed.

Four. If you counted the changeling refugee in my basement, the realization that there were now indeed four house guests in my home making me facepalm even as I was brushing my teeth. 

But still. The idea of a good night's sleep certainly was enough to cheer me up; and so I stopped in the hallway of the upper floor to look over the three new doors added by alicorn magic, three new rooms behind it that were too big to actually fit logically into my house. 

From the outside there were even three new windows right next to each other lining up with my own; even though the space inside the rooms would suggest the spacing to be much larger. Luna had truly been busy and all my grumbling aside, I was thankful she had not changed my own bedroom or my office.

"Good night, everybody!" I called along the hallway.

"Good night, Woody!" I was answers by three female voices in unison.

"Good night, Silver Blossom!"

"Good night, Rarity!"

Luna was the first.

"Good night, Princess Luna!"

"Good night, Silver Blossom!"

Rarity next.

"Good night-" Silver Blossom started.

I went into my room and shut the door in quiet horror as this went on for far longer than it needed to. "This reminds me of a tv show," I muttered to myself, climbed into my bed and put the light out.





It couldn't have been more than an hour or two, when I was roughly pulled from my sleep by a loud 'toc'. I sat up, confused eyes looking around the dark room as I tried to make sense of the noise. 'Toc', there it was again. The window! Someone was throwing pebbles at my window!

I groaned and half fell, half got out of bed, somehow forcing myself to my legs with the candle in hand as I made my way to the window and opened it to look outside.

It was Two Peg. The young pony looking up at me with a mix of embarrassment and disappointment.

"Two Peg." I yawned and rubbed my face "What is it you want? Can't it wait till tomorrow?" I paused as my eyes slowly stared working properly in tune with my brain "Are you wearing gel in your hair? ...is that a guitar?"

"Ahh, ehm. Sorry to bother you, Woody." he gave me an embarrassed smile "Guess I hit the wrong window." his voice a loud whisper as people that try to talk quietly over long distances try to do. 

Not that it made things quieter, nor that I was bothering to do the same; so sleep-held that I simply talked to him with my normal voice "Luna's window is the second one from the right." I mumbled while resting my face in my hand and my arm on the window base, trying to gather my thoughts,

"Oh, thanks Woody!" he went to pick up some more pebbles while I put the window partially closed again, even with the weather cooling I preferred there being a little draft while I slept. 

I went back to bed, an after a moment I could hear the 'toc' as the first pebble hit Luna's window. Then another. then another, and another, until finally. The window opened and a sleepy Luna could be heard.

"Huh? What? Who's there? Tia, is that you? Is it already time for the morning?" 

Color me surprised, the deity of the night can get sleepy. It seemed she had the same issues as I do when being woken up suddenly; having no idea of where or what you are.

I could hear her pause. "Aren't you the pony from this morn-"

She was cut off as Two Peg started playing on his guitar, loudly singing to Princess Luna a song so bad it would certainly have deserved royal punishment had any guards been present.

"Ooooh Blue Angel! With your hair so wavy and your curves so curvy!"

"Oh, gods he's serenading her." I muttered into my pillow.

"Oh, stars he's serenading me." Lunar muttered equally shocked, the song of Two Peg like the crashing of the ocean in the background.

"I want to stroke your hair! I want to look deep into your eyes, darling!"

"Please don't." Luna replied with what was probably a sour expression. "Young pony, can't-"

"The stars and sun align, I want to take you to the moon and back!"

"That's. Actually, not very..." Her tone dropped continuously.

"You are so beautiful, so much more than-"

The sound of a window slammed opened interrupted him "WILL YOU STOP THAT INFERNAL RUCKUS?!"

It was Rarity. A very upset Rarity. "IT'S THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!" something was thrown and the song cut off as Two Peg ducked.

"Help, Luna! I'm being attacked by a ghost!"

"IT'S A FACEMASK YOU INCONSIDERATE BRUTE!" more things being thrown.

"Oh stars this can't be real." Luna muttered as Rarity continued tossing objects at the source of the noise concerns.

Another window opened, another sleepy voice "What's goin on out here?" Silver Blossom mumbled.

"AND YOU WOKE THE LITTLE ONE! FOALS NEED THEIR SLEEP!"

"Isn't she a bearotaur?" Two Peg objected, only to get smacked in the face with what I later learned was a ballet-slipper thrown at high speed. "Ouch!"

"This was my first serenade," Luna mumbled to herself, "I didn't even get to prepare my hair."

"Ohh, Princess Luna! You are so bea-" Two Leg started to serenade Luna again only for Rarity to plant the next ballet slipper in his mouth "UHMF!"

"DON'T YOU DARE START AGAIN!"

"Can we please do this tomorrow?" Luna yawned, half-present by lack of sleep "I don't think I have the capacity for this tonight... why didn't I listen to Tia and keep some guards here?"

Sadly, by now the entire town of Shoretrot was awake, and numerous ponies were peering out their windows to ask themself and everyone else just what the buck was going on at this ungodly hour.

I was only half-present when Silver Blossom climbed into my bed with her pillow under her arm, hiding under it with a sleepy mumble "They're so loud."

"Yeah." I replied, hiding my face under my own pillow as she curled up against me.

"I'm sorry." she mumbled as she fell asleep.

"It's okay." I murmured, the shouting outside still continuing intermitted by Two Peg trying to sing again. 

I sighed and closed my eyes, "we can always flee to Boardor."