Apologies Aren't Always Enough

by SadisticFluttershy

Chapter 10

The magical waves of blues and reds and magentas washed over Sunset, touching her like strands of rubber, attaching to her like syrup before pulling and tugging. The surge invaded her, transformed her, and she felt tranquil returning to her former body. She realized:

It had been too long.

Her clothes came undone, the threads cast into the stream. She hadn’t much been aware of this last time, since back then she had nothing on her body to hide or disguise. She crossed her arms across her chest, fully aware of the futility.

Moments ahead of her was the fleeting destiny she’d shaped over the past few days, exchanging letters with the one beyond. She hadn’t seen or heard of anyone but her and her own family in the new world.

Her fingers shrunk and soon disappeared. The hair on her arms, legs and everywhere else grew longer until it was a fresh golden fuzz. Her chest vanished and she felt her spine tingling as she took on again her equestrian form. She looked about herself, no longer noticing any trace of her misery on the outside. Just the still broken leg. At least the revelations she had planned were on her terms.

Sunset emerged from the blue with a little stumble. She looked around to get her bearings, seeing her only friend smiling a cautious smile.

“Hey Twilight,” Sunset said.

“Hi Sunset,” Twilight greeted meekly. “It’s good to see you again.”

Sunset nodded. “You look nice,” Sunset said. “Thank you, for remembering.”

“It’s what I always wear when attending diplomatic meetings,” Twilight said with a wink. “I brought you the same, in your colors of course,” she smiled. “You’ll get t-!” to thank Rarity later. Twilight caught herself. “~to make so many new impressions here!”

Sunset smiled and gave a quiet nod. “Thanks.”

Twilight took a good close look at her friend, having heard only part of the story over the past week. Sunset’s mane was a little out of place, though not quite a mess. Her fur was ruffled, though had Twilight not been prompted to look, she wouldn’t have noticed. Looks, especially coats and manes, were things passerby’s would take note of once they’d get out on the streets of Canterlot. Her shaggy friend was awkwardly balancing on three hooves.

One thing eluded Twilight. Maybe she didn’t want to notice. Maybe she didn’t want to even look. Sunset noticed, being kind enough to keep quiet.

Although Twilight was facing Sunset, she hadn’t dared look her in the eye. Her deepest subconscious had pushed her to merely pretend, all to avoid having to face, or even see, in Sunset her recent lived experience, and to acknowledge it. All the signs were there. Somehow, Twilight managed to convince herself this was her being strong for Sunset, lest she would fall apart then and there from realizing her friend was living something worse than her own worst nightmare.

“I’m sorry to ask for a favour right on the doorstep but...” Sunset looked at her hind leg. “I really need your help with this one.”

Twilight nodded, and set her horn a-glow. She lifted Sunset and floated her next to herself without setting her down.

“Let’s heal up your leg,” Twilight said.

Sunset walked into the waiting room, greeting Twilight with a warm smile.

Her step had gotten confident enough for her to no longer stumble as much, and she managed to let her horn glow a little.

“You look much better already,” Twilight said. She wanted to ask for a twirl, but instead chose to walk around her, knowing the hassle of going from biped back to quadruped. “It really suits you.”

“Thanks. I’m just glad my leg is fixed,” Sunset said. “Wish things were that easy in my world.”

“You can’t even fix a broken leg?” Twilight asked, completely baffled.

“We can,” Sunset answered, “but it takes a cast, crutches, bed rest and plenty of time. I’d rather be a human than a pony breaking a hind leg, especially without magic.”

Twilight kept silent, her eyes still wide.

“It’s really humbling,” Sunset said. “You have no idea how lucky you are.”

The deeper meaning of Sunset’s words did not escape Twilight. Glimmers of that hell trickled into Twilight’s serene reality. She swallowed, before regaining her façade; or her composure, as she would like to call it.

Twilight’s eyes finally met Sunset’s ever so briefly, keeping her quiet. Not wanting to know what Sunset was going through, yet wanting to be there for her in a meaningful way, kept choking her harder and harder. She wanted to have those magic words to fix all this. That spell to turn everything back to normal. She was certain it existed, and that she must know it. Yet, for days now, nothing had turned up.

In turn, Sunset had built her expectations from cynicism and Twilight’s written responses. From the top of her tower she saw Twilight knocking on the drawbridge, smiling up, but watching the crocodiles in the moat like a hawk. Luckily for the both of them, Sunset was bright enough to be aware of herself and of her goals. She had to be welcoming to Twilight.

“Let’s go for a walk,” Sunset said, “I want to revisit some memories.”

Much of the afternoon had been spent in peace. Any questions Sunset had about what had changed in any particular place, Twilight would answer. Any questions Twilight had were left unspoken, yet found their answer in all those places her friend would take her and in the things asked of her. From the library and the faint scorch marks above the centrepiece, to the arcades overlooking the royal gardens, in turn serving as an open art studio today. From the gymnasium storage units to the administrative offices and the student counsellors. All the way to the royal dormitories, courtroom and the palace of the royal sisters.

Sunset had requested an attendance with the princesses, which had been declined with a hearty chuckle. When a surprise Princess Twilight Sparkle had made the same request, the paperwork had been processed before Sunset had finished her last laugh.

It wasn’t anything urgent. No courts, events or proceedings needed interrupting for a former student, though Twilight could personally guarantee that Princess Celestia would be delighted to see her.

While walking down a Canterlot street, a voice called out from an ice cream parlor, sounding Twilight’s name. Soon more followed, and Twilight turned to greet her Canterlot friends of days past. Sunset merely looked away, but stepped forward when Twilight wanted to introduce her.

It would have been so heartwarming. Twilight’s friends were all smiles, hugs and the full array of welcoming gestures. Join us, it’ll be our treat. Come sit with us, Sunset. Any friend of Twilight’s is a friend of ours. Twilight smiled at the unexpected opportunity. This chance to brighten Sunset’s day. Their use of words now empty to Sunset lead to no less than a complete and too harsh a rejection of their smiles, kindness and generosity. How could they trust anyone so easily? It’s easy to throw around words that carry no weight.

She’d stepped away in a mood, an audible stomp in her step in protest and frustration. Moments later, Twilight caught up to her having explained the situation to her friends.

By the end of the afternoon, Sunset got introduced to Twilight’s family, the captain of the royal guard and his wife. The company had been good, as had the conversations. Lighthearted and fun tales of goofballs in the guard and silly students had been exchanged and notes on the differences and similarities made.

Shining Armor and Cadence went home after supper, and Twilight proposed to do the same with Sunset. Though Twilight’s parents had insisted they’d stay the night, Twilight informed them that Spike had already prepared Twilight’s home to accommodate Sunset. The warm gesture and the atmosphere of that early evening had moved Sunset and she expressed as much. She was welcome to visit any time she liked.

Teleportation would have been Twilight’s prefered mode of transport had Sunset not declined her idea. Instead, they soon found themselves waiting on a platform at the Canterlot train station, catching a late train back to Ponyville.

The night sky had been overcast, yet Sunset had spent the ride staring out the window. Twilight sat down next to her, and failed to make conversation remarking on today’s events. The subsequent quiet thankfully hadn’t been awkward. Twilight had simply dozed off, leaning up against Sunset until their arrival in Ponyville. Her mane and fur were matted where Sunset had napped on her. She couldn’t help but notice the patches lined up with the streaks down and around Sunset’s eyes.

Spike had been waiting for them at Ponyville station, commenting on their haggard looks and wondering out loud why they hadn’t simply blinked home. He looked to Twilight, who looked to Sunset, who listed reasons. “Oh, you know, reasons.”

The walk back to the Golden Oak Library had been to naught but the tune of cobbles, dirt, hooves and claws. Not all had been said, but the party was quiet simply because it was midnight, and the day had been exhausting for all. Sunset longed for her own bed in her own home, knowing she would have to try and sleep in this pony body again. Twilight, for once, had run out of care to ask even one more question and immediately retired when she got back home. Spike informed Sunset of the situation on where to find her bed and various sleepover items, not getting much of a response.

When Sunset tried and failed to grab hold of a toothbrush with either a hoof or magic, she gave up, and went to bed as she was. Spike’s offer to brush her teeth for her had been too off putting. Another (a better) day would come. She’d ushered Spike out of the room before getting undressed. She knew it was customary to be in the nude wherever ponies went save for the special occasion, but she figured it’d take more than a day to rid herself of 3 years of clothed experience. Suddenly, she felt a great sense of gratitude for the many ponies she met today had worn clothes. In particular Twilight’s family. In particular her brother.

She shook her head before she could blush and have any weird new memories to take back home. She looked around the room for a place to put her dress and the rest of her few possessions. Finally, she had but one last thing to do.

She took in her designated bed: a large woven basket with a grand alabaster mattress tucked neatly inside. A gorgeous nigh-ethereal, fine grain canopy stood over it, opened up just enough to be inviting. This bed was literally made for her, as on it’s ceiling was a perfect red and yellow depiction of her cutiemark.

Cutiemark. No other word could ring more of home.

Twilight did not have the insight, nor the vision nor skills to make a bed this divine, as some would put it. Sunset stepped closer, taking in the simple and functional design. Once she set her hoof on it however, she saw how the stitching in every fabric was a repeated pattern of the outline of her cutiemark. Hours of dedicated work, committed especially for, or to, her. It’s the kind of gift where it’s not merely the thought that counts.

She lay down, sinking an inch or two into the soft cushioning. No amount of twisting and turning would allow her to lie as comfortable as would a set of hands and somewhat more articulate legs, but at some point she made due with old memories of sleeping like a horse.

Over the course of the night, Sunset had reorganized all of her questions, and, by the time her alarm went off, found this one on top: why had she even bothered to go to bed? She had wanted to blame the bed, or the new room, or the new body. Anything but the things that had actually kept her up. She hadn’t been sure whether she had wanted to sleep: she would only regret waking up again.

She had second thoughts, and third and more, about the things she had Applejack tell the others. She didn’t want this. What wrongs had she committed that stood between her and her friends? Why had they betrayed her? It was a boundless braided band of brambled branches bending back onto one another. What could she have done differently? Where did she go wrong?

Whenever that crown of thorns would come off, even if only slightly and but for a moment, thoughts of this world would flood her mind. Of Twilight’s friends whom she already knew by name and tail no doubt. She’d have to face the one who’d made her bed and thank her for it. They would go out and make new memories she already had from the other side, only to go back to her new home forever more.

Sleep had eventually seized her, and unbeknownst to her, the gods of the old nights had come to visit her. The night sky had a new bright star, a beacon to guide the dream watcher.

In the light of dawn, beyond the fibre of the canopy, Sunset saw a purple blob go to and fro in a quiet frenzy. She shut her half lid eye and turned away. The sound of her rustling inadvertently drawing her friend’s attention.

“Good morning Sunset Shimmer!” came an all too chipper voice. “I hope you’re well rested, we’ve got such a busy day!”

Sunset groaned, but got up. She didn’t want to be a bother to her hosts and be the life of the pity party, but lying in bed all day being a burden would be so much worse. She stepped out of the basket and up to Spike.

“Hello Spike,” she sighed. “I hope so too. Is Twilight up yet?”

“We’ve been up for an hour or so,” he replied. He raised his hand pre-empting any objections. “You’re our guest Sunset, everything’s taken care of. Breakfast is ready. Go freshen up and we’ll see you in a bit.”

Sunset nodded. Breakfast. No thanks. She has had some meals from time to time over the past week, but she couldn’t help but think how losing your friends is one hell of a diet.

Sunset went into the restroom, alerted to a very basic bodily function. She flushed having relieved herself and stepped up to the sink and mirror. Her mane and tail were thoroughly ruined  and she had a poor taste in her mouth. Her eyes were poofy and her cheeks were matted. She’d almost taken offence to Spike’s remark to go freshen up but could not help but agree.

She managed to lift the toothbrush this time, and got a washing cloth to scrub her face. She even managed to work the tap. She tried standing upright and inspect her chest and belly without much luck. A small mirror in the cabinet helped a little, but her fur obscured anything she actually wanted to see. In a way this was a relief. Surely if she couldn’t see, her friends wouldn’t either. Finally she saw the mane brush, left it and went join Twilight and Spike at the breakfast table.

Only Spike had been keen on the delight in Twilight’s trot when Sunset entered the room.  Sunset got a hug from Twilight and was glad she managed to return it, albeit full of doubt.

The air was comfortable and enjoyable. Despite that, and to make sure of that, Twilight chose her words very wisely and precisely. All would be said and done in due time if she could just control her curiosity, for Sunset’s sake. For their friendship, and hers back home.

Twilight asked how she’d slept of course, cutting off conversation going into the subject of dreams. How Sunset had liked her first day as a pony, and only about that aspect and not the events. Sunset remarked that she was glad she could walk without crutches again, and how she was looking forward to using her magic to the fullest, after having used it occasionally thus far. Twilight suggested she’d not use magic too much lest she’d get homesick in two worlds, a sagely joke. In the end, nothing too painful had been touched upon, and Twilight was happy for her success.

Next up was future talk. In some odd minutes, Twilight would teleport them both back to Canterlot for their appointment with the royalty and she wanted to be properly prepared. Sunset had objected to much of the preparation. Celestia didn’t really care how they looked or even much about who they were: all were loved as equals. Twilight’s persistence outlasted her care and with a grunt, a groan, a sigh and a head-spinning rolling of the eyes she caved.

Moments later she regretted having wasted so much time arguing, as now the pressure was on. Which dress to wear? Which shoes to put on? Any jewelry? She shook her head. First things first. Mane brush, where? Toothbrush? Time for a shower? In the end she managed to get around to everything but a dress and shoes.

Twilight knocked on the door and let herself in. In her magic she carried two crowns. One bore a purple crystal star, the other glass swirls of yellow and red. Sunset gave Twilight a look. Twilight put her own crown on her head and looked at the other one, and paused. She sighed, and spoke.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about what to tell you,” she began. “And I’ve mostly been at a loss for words.“ Something stung and she chuckled. “So instead I made you this.”

She levitated the other crown before Sunset and slowly spun it around for her to take a closer look.

“I took a class on magical carving and made the gem myself.” She put a hoof behind her head. ”Well, really it’s just glass,” she said, looking away. “The metal part should be familiar to you.”

Sunset narrowed her eyes, squinting at the gold, though she didn’t answer.

“It’s the crown you left me when we first met.”

Sunset looked at Twilight.

“I’m giving it back to you. It’s something new now.”

The crown moved closer to Sunset and over her head. She could not help but close her eyes and bow. There were no trumpets, no choirs, no audience, not anything but intimacy when the Princess of Friendship crowned her friend.

“And so are you.” Twilight stepped closer. “Remember that.” She raised Sunset Shimmer and pulled her into a hug. After a gasp, Sunset wholeheartedly returned the embrace with a whispered and broken “Thank you,” celebrations erupting in their hearts.

Sunset turned to face the mirror, appreciating the headpiece. Twilight came standing next to her, wearing her own. Before them were two princesses in the making, and she hoped Sunset would see the same. Sunset tried to look, but couldn’t really see. Or rather, she could not focus well enough to actually perceive so that anything would really become more meaningfully distinct from anything else.

In Sunset’s mind there was Celestia, her tutor, mentor and god of this world. The one who might as well have banished her. At that time, Sunset might as well have banished Celestia had she had the power. There were her hated but dear dear friends whom she wanted back but couldn’t. Doubts of whether they were even still themselves haunting her. She can’t go back, can’t go back.

Sunset looked to Twilight’s reflection, remembering all their exchanges this week. She was grateful for her dress and not having been naked while acclimating. She thought of Fleur, who had been loving, but ever worse of a mess. Sunset could not help but feel so guilty. Her mother’s concerns were on her behalf after all. Her father was faring better, though she could not tell by how much. In the mirror she saw that crown she so had wanted, only to have fallen into her lowest when she got it. Now she hated those who’d saved her.

All those things were on her mind. She could not see what Twilight wanted her to see. All she saw was everything, all the time. Nothing stood out as more relevant than anything else; even the blind don’t perceive like that.

Twilight noticed the blank distant stare of her friend in the mirror and nudged her. “Sunset?” The mention of her name seized her attention. Sunset turned to Twilight. ”Sunset, are you ready to come see Celestia?”

Sunset frowned, her eyes slightly contracted. She sighed after a moment. “I did ask for this, literally. I’ll wait with thanking you for convincing me until afterwards though. I’m still not sure this is a good idea.” Her concerned frown turned to more of a scowl.

“I’ve told Celestia about everything,” Twilight said. “There’s nothing to worry about.”

Twilight directed Sunset to the mirror, and pointed to her crown.

“You aren’t who you used to be,” she smiled. “What did I just tell you?” Twilight winked. Sunset nodded and gave a weak smile.

“I’ll try to remember,” Sunset said, knowing only she knew not who she was.

Twilight motioned for Sunset to come stand with her and with a blink, they were gone.

There came a knock on the greatest door in Equestria, resounding through the marble hall. All the attendance had cleared moments earlier, and only two expectant princesses and their guards had heard. The guards stood to attention, though relaxed when Celestia chuckled.

“At ease boys,” she said, having dropped all formalities. “Today we have two honorary guests.”

The doors lit up and turned to open at Celestia’s magical command. The Princess got up from her throne and walked down the steps to greet her guests.

“Hello Luna,” she started. “Thank you so much for attending. I know how precious your day time can be.”

Princess Luna curtsied. “Thank you, Sister,” she said. “Let’s hope spirits shall remain as high as they are now. I’m afr-” She cut herself off. “Twilight’s friend… I believe helping Sunset will be more important than any of us fully realize.” That was not to say the situation was worse than any of them really knew.

Celestia nodded, though did not comment.

Following Luna came the two crown bearers. The moment Sunset felt Celestia’s gaze fall upon her she turned to stone. That glare transcending any cold a mortal pony could muster, that had cast so many before her to places where no joy would find them, was now on her. A moment later, she was greeted by that eternal motherly smile.

“Welcome back, Sunset Shimmer,” Celestia said. “I’ve missed you.”

Luna smiled at the acknowledgement of Sunset’s redemption and reformation. Celestia’s trust in her friend Twilight Sparkle, and her judgement Sunset had passed. It wasn’t that Sunset was home, for she wasn’t. It was that Sunset had returned to her root. To being that student that Celestia had known before her lust for power had taken hold of her. Celestia had lost her Sunset long before she’d entered the portal. Luna thought it reminiscent of her own return and her Sister’s warm welcome that day.

Without hesitation, Sunset galloped up to Celestia and fell into a warm embrace. All her fears of coming here had vanished.

What followed was a babbling no sane mare or stallion could make sense of, and all present understood in full. Not the mere broken words and the cacophony of vowels and cries and laughter, nor the motions of her body and expressions on her face, but the entirety of the spectacle, all could comprehend. It was the momentary loss of all fear, pain, hatred, loathing, grace and dignity to the prospect of becoming whole again.

Twilight walked up to Sunset, who’d regained her composure and was wiping away at her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Sunset said, blushing in shame. “I’m okay now.”

Twilight gave her a quick hug with a whisper, “I told you it’d be okay.”

“I’m sorry I ever doubted you, Twilight,” Sunset said.

Twilight tilted her head at the unexpected remark. Before she had her first question, Celestia spoke up.

“My Sister and I are both delighted to have your company, Sunset,” she said. “We know all about your adventures beyond the mirror thanks to Twilight.”

The pair turned to Luna and Celestia, who could not help but smile at the friendly display. Luna was the first to return to her more serious nature.

“Shall we begin?” She said. “We have little time for all we need to say.”

The meeting had not lasted for too long. After two cups of morning brew and a snack or two, the royalty and their guests all went their separate ways again. The matter was grave and condensed and tensions had been high. Celestia had made the important point that this was not a time to find a solution, but simply meant to familiarize themselves with the situation. You cannot solve what you cannot understand after all.

Poor Twilight Sparkle. It had been so intense.

Sunset had tried to summarize the situation, to tell everyone how she felt and the things she thought. She came to thank Twilight for everything and broke down, no longer able to express herself in a meaningful way.

Twilight had taken the torch and informed Sunset of what she’d shared with the princesses, only getting a quiet sobbing nod. Sunset remarked on how much of a mess she had become and how sorry she was for her pitiful display. Celestia had looked to Luna, who in turn said that the mastery of one’s emotions was by no means a trivial or even an obvious thing to do. Lots of ponies are happy being slaves to their emotions since it’s much easier to live with little self control.

Celestia interjected, since she didn’t want anyone to imply Sunset just let loose and let her life rot. She knew, as well as Twilight, that Sunset was a very capable young lady. Able to plan ahead, to be empathetic, and to not be easily provoked into going on emotional outbursts. She explained that what has happened to Sunset was completely beyond her control and deeply traumatic.

She told of how the first era after Nightmare Moon’s defeat came to be a minor ice age, and how those who needed her, the little ponies of Equestria, had reminded her of her duties and responsibilities. It was their friendship and their faith in her that had brought her back to life, and restored her faith in both herself and in the future. One day, Luna would be returned to her, and she wanted to be ready for that day. So too Sunset will transform.

Luna apologized and brought the conversation back on track. She magically projected all around them what she had witnessed in Sunset’s deepest dreams. Dreams not even Sunset could recall in full or in part, yet felt true and were at the bottom of her soul.

They were standing in a circle, about thirty feet across, surrounded by calm, tall, red, yellow and black flames against an infinite void. All around sounded voices of cries and laughter of Sunset and her friends. Smells of home, of the cafeteria and of her friends were in the air from one moment to the next. The sensation of her hand passing through their hair. But the force that oppressed them all the most  came from the questions Sunset felt could never be answered.

Why had they forsaken her?

Twilight had yelled, screamed for Luna to stop. Luna, so taken by surprise, could not react in time and like Celestia, was pushed away by the shield spell Twilight had blasted around herself and her friend. She bowed the ground, hooves across her head, gnashing her teeth, whimpering, and releasing another shield within the existing one, followed by another.

Sunset stood by her, looking down and away. She now knew, at least she thought she did, why Twilight hadn’t made eye contact earlier. It wasn’t that Twilight’s knowledge was somehow wrong or incomplete. It wasn’t so simple as things Twilight held dear being contradicted or opposed.

Sunset Shimmer violated everything Twilight Sparkle. The words to express the conflict that had struck Twilight would not reveal themselves to pony kind for another thousand generations. Sunset was the light shining upon the dark from within the darkness of both herself and that of her friends, and so too were her friends alike. Their shadows had enveloped everything their light once touched and graced, yet all the light had remained, sealed away but not extinguished.

Her friends still loved her. She still loved her friends. In the void lurked a vile dragon and it had roared. Twilight’s spine tingled when she realized it had smelt her too. Suddenly she understood Sunset doubting her and why, almost losing her lunch over thinking, and realizing she was, herself capable of such immorality.

Celestia got up from near the wall where she had landed. She walked up to Twilight’s outer shield and nullified her spells. Luna joined her Sister and they looked to Sunset, who turned to her possessed friend.

Sunset put her hoof on Twilight’s shoulder and moved it down her leg to her hoof. She raised it, and picked her up from the floor. A shot to the gut would not warrant a look as painful as Twilight’s. She scuttled away from Sunset as though from a snake and bumped into Celestia.

“You are right, Twilight,” Sunset finally spoke. “I am something new.”

She took off her crown and gently spun it in front of her, looking at it. Looking at her reflections in the glass and gold.

“Don’t worry,” she continued. She looked up to Twilight and put her crown back on her head. “I can’t go back. I can’t go back to that power hungry demon I once was.”

Twilight was breathing hard, still trying to comprehend the existence before her. It wasn’t Sunset she witnessed after all. To Twilight, the manifestation before her was the embodiment of an eldritch abomination, literally something she could not imagine, something not of her world. An emptiness in the Continuum of Friendship. A night’s sky where all the stars were a black mass swarming.

“But,” Sunset said. “I can’t go back to who you’ve redeemed either.” She shook her head. “That Sunset is gone. I’m sorry.” Twilight choked and held her breath.

Occasionally, Twilight had given it some thought: the death of a friend. Inevitably, eventually, she knew she would outlive her friends. All of them. Not just those in their earthly lifetime but those beyond when she would outlive all of the generations to come. She couldn’t live it, not even as a thought experiment. Every time this thread would spin itself it threatened to unravel the very fabric that made her who she was, and she always cut it before it could. She had yet to solve the mystery of preserving life after death. To keep that of value alive after the physical has left this plane.

Now she faced a dead girl walking, or rather, someone who once was a girl she thought she knew. She wanted to hang out some more with her friends at Canterlot High. To be at Pinkie Pie’s parties. To compete with team AJ versus team RD. To have a sleepover at Fluttershy’s or applaud at a catwalk featuring Rarities stunning creations.

To study with Sunset Shimmer and run tests and experiments. To learn more about the Magic of Friendship.

She wished she had enjoyed those times more than she had. She wished she had put in the time and effort to make more memories with them. She realized she had taken them for granted and now, all of that was gone.

It was as though part of herself had died. That life beyond the gate was no more. Tears started rolling down her face in silence. She dropped her rump to the floor as her knees gave way. She looked to the one who always had all the answers.

“Sunset is right, Twilight,” Celestia said. “And all we can do is move on with our lives.” She looked to her favourite pupil with remorse. A sorry for not having any sagely advice one would expect from Gods eternal. “When Luna and I were younger, we tried all the things one might try with all our power and facing these hardships for the first time.”

“We were foolish back then, Sister,” Luna said, anger and grief riddled her voice. “We had so many time spells. The world, everything had gone to rubbish. We still share the pain of those we hurt like the fools we were.”

“We hadn’t grown much wiser trying to fight reality,” Celestia continued. “Some things are out of our control. Be they fate, destiny or doom. No magic has ever saved us from that.”

Luna frowned and turned away. “We still grow ill thinking of all the ponies who’s free will We had taken.” She stomped. “To make them say the things We wanted to hear. To make them do the things We desired of them,” she growled. “To instill in another a will that is not their own! How wicked a mare can be in desperate times!” She quickly calmed herself, followed by an apology. “Even the gods may be slaves to matters of the heart when it desires but one last beat of another.”

Celestia turned to Twilight. “So, I am truly sorry it doesn’t sound like much,” Celestia said apologetically. “But moving on is what we found to be the best solution. Moving on does not mean letting go, or let it rot and fester. It means putting in the work to make things right.”

“It is neither easy or simple,” Luna said. “You will need to do a lot of thinking, and work towards ensuring your own safety and wellbeing. The biggest trial is overcoming the delusion you are not even worth your own consideration.”

“You are my two contemporary prodigies,” Celestia said, turning to both the young mares. “Let Twilight be the sieve to Sunset’s murky waters and let both enrich our lives with the gold you will find. I am certain you will create new friendships, and renew those friendships you’ve lost.”

Luna turned to Sunset. “We commend you for taking so many important steps in facing this tragedy.” Luna bowed. “We apologize again for our earlier remark. We did not mean to imply you are but a puppet to your whims.”

Sunset took a step back. She’s right though. Not wanting to be that downer, she simply replied.“Don’t worry about it your highness, I wouldn’t dare think you meant any harm.”

Everyone turned towards Twilight Sparkle, who in turn looked down, and then to Sunset. A confused sadness had found its way to Twilight’s face. How could anyone live like that?

Twilight had calmed down enough to speak again. With a sniff, she started. “I don’t know what to say,” She said. “I don’t even want to move on.” She shook her head. “I want to go back!” She looked down and off to the side. “We all do. But we can’t.”

“But I want to go back!”

Her words echoed in the room in a silence acknowledging the futility of that desire common to all. The conversation had come to an end.

“We think we’ve all come to understand Sunset’s inner situation,” Luna said. “Unfortunately, our little time together is through, and so her life’s situation needs to be addressed some other occasion.” Luna yawned. “Pardon our yawn, ‘t is the middle of our sleeping hour.”

“A rest well deserved,” Celestia said. “Of course you’re very welcome to join us on future occasions.”

“We would not object to moonlit meetings, Sister,” Luna said. “Cumbersome as those might be.” Unlike Celestia’s work, Luna’s was not very strictly scheduled, as noteworthy dreams themselves rarely are. She did not like interrupting her duties.

“We shall see,” Celestia said. She turned to her esteemed prodigies. “That also depends on our two guests.”

Sunset and Twilight looked to one another. Sunset spoke up.

“Thank you for the offer, both of you,” She began. ”But I must head back to my world soon, though I could spend one more night,” she said. “It took a lot of effort to meet Twilight, and dragging you two into it wasn’t much short of a miracle.” She thought for a moment. “It might be best to meet at some later time. Easier to arrange, plus things are still changing a lot back home.”

“Understandable,” Celestia said. “Twilight, are you taking notes?” She asked with a grain of concern.

Twilight looked up, a bit startled. “I’m sorry Princess,” she said. She looked about herself for writing material but came up short.

“Don’t worry Twilight,” Sunset said. “I’ve got this one.”

“We hereby then adjourn our meeting,” Luna said with another yawn. “We shall retire to our bed.”

“Sleep well Sister,” Celestia said as Luna passed the doors. “Well. my little ponies,” Celestia said, “I too must turn back to my duties. What will you two be doing?”

Twilight and Sunset looked at one another. Sunset could see determination, a desperate and immediate plan in those violet eyes. A need for certainty. She nodded, and Twilight looked to Celestia.

“I want to go see my friends today,” Twilight said. She turned to Sunset. “If that’s okay with you. All I need is just to say hi, I promise.”

Her words stung Sunset. She knew Twilight meant her Ponyville friends. She knew she wasn’t a part of that clique, nor did she dare face them as she was now.

“That’s okay,” Sunset said. “I’d like to spend some time here in Canterlot anyway. Plus I should tell my parents I’ll be staying another night.” She tilted her head and smiled. “Just to be sure.”

Twilight looked away with wry. “I’m sorry, for my selfishness.” She looked up to her friendless friend, knowing she asked to enjoy that very special something lost to Sunset. “And thank you, Sunset.” She turned to Celestia. “We’ll stay in touch,”  she said. “Should I leave you a copy of our exchange diary?” She asked.

Celestia declined the offer. She trusted Twilight’s letters and assessments to be sufficient. Plus, she would not want everything said and done before the next meeting even started. She enjoyed catching up, even if it wasn’t good news, it was good to talk in person.

Thus, the two young mares bode their goodbyes to their teacher, mentor, and the goddess of this world and passed through the greatest doors in Equestria. Outside, they walked to where the sun would find and warm them. They followed through on their plans, promising to meet again by the end of the afternoon. Twilight had blinked away, Sunset decided to put her restored leg to good use (and to avoid the risk of a faulty teleportation).

The Canterlot sky was as blue as it ever was. Sunset took note of how she thought it strange that the weather was controlled here, rather than thinking her new world was the odd one out. Truly she had found her new home.

She had some time available before she had to tend to her promises and so decided to go for a walk in downtown Canterlot. She hadn’t been there for a long while, and even when she was still an Equestrian mare through and through, she never really paid it much attention. Not so much as she would be playing the tourist.

The path ran down the city construct all the way to the far edge hanging over the mountain side. What a view that must be. From her current vantage, she saw all the royal institutions she grew up with, deciding she had seen enough of that yesterday. A drag longer than she had anticipated.

Instead, her attention turned to the ponies around her, and she started walking. Only very few ponies did not wear clothes, although those that did wore a uniform of some kind. Guards, officers, officials, bureaucrats, professors, groundskeepers, but no families or friends.

The demographics changed once she reached the bridge crossing the rivers of molten mountain frost. In the commercial district, nopony but her was without a dress or suit. There were boutiques, theatres, open air catwalks, painters, sculptors and artists of all varieties. Restaurants, cafés, bookstores, the works. It wasn’t long before manier eyes were upon her naked body and cheap gaudy crown. Maybe, she thought, wandering off alone wasn’t the best idea.

Before she could panic however, a hoof tapped her on her shoulder.

“Sunset, Sunset Glimmer, right?” asked a familiar voice.

Sunset turned around and found herself facing Shining Armor and Princess Cadence.

“Shimmer, actually.” Sunset corrected them. “And, I’m very sorry but I only remember Shining Armor’s name,” she said with a blush.

“That’s okay,” said Cadence, “Princess MiAmore Cadenza doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue.” She winked. “Just call me Cadence.”

Maybe coming here wasn’t a mistake after all. Not as big a mistake as forgetting a Princess’  name anyway.

The couple asked about Twilight, and Sunset informed them of the practicality of the situation and Twilight’s whereabouts. She was in turn wondering why they were still here. They had decided that the trip was too long to stay only just one night, so they’d extended their stay. The familial talk had not gone unnoticed by the bystanders and passerby’s and soon the misplaced looks had turned to ones of great interest. One sided interest. Cadence proposed to hang out and show Sunset the Canterlot hot spots. A plan sure to draw attention, yet also ward any busybodies.

First up was getting Sunset some new clothes, an offer she immediately and strongly declined. Cadence insisted, not afraid to use her political position with a wink to compel Sunset. Shining Armor suggested to consider it a souvenir for Twilight, as the two mares were approximately the same size. If Sunset didn’t want to keep it, they were certain Twilight would. And thus, Sunset gave.

The clothier asked about the crown and matching colours, prompting Shining Armor and Cadence to ask about the tale of how she got it. “It’s a gift from Twilight,” Sunset said in earnest, telling of the visit with the royalty she’d had this morning and how all of them had worn fitting crowns. The clothier was moved by her story and offered a dress fit for both of them.

Next was lunch time, something Shining Armor had been looking forward to and had arranged in advance. The three took a left across the street and turned down a dead end alley from there, where no pony was around. With a patterned knock on an unmarked door, he was greeted by
another stallion, who opened up as soon as he recognized his buddy. Shining Armor introduced his wife and the ambassador of Humania. Sunset chuckled. The patrons whistled at the pretty mares entering their domain.

The captain of the royal guard hushed down his rowdy trustees and the lunch progressed as enjoyable for all. Some of Shining’s old buddies were friendly with his wife and guest and their interest, though mostly superficial, turned genuine once conversation moved to all things they had never even considered.

Sunset’s answers became shorter and shorter the more the waters of thinking of her friends started to drown out the voices around her. “Yes. No. I suppose so. Mhmm.” Eventually she excused herself for a moment and retreated to the restroom, sat herself down and sulked.

Before Sunset had gone to Humania, she’d had hard cider on occasion, as well as other such beverages. But only on special occasions, never reaching for that bottle herself. Lunch thus far had been a good meal but a buzz wouldn’t withstand. Sunset had been grateful for the lack of excessive alcohol at this hour.

The door to the restrooms opened up to the only other mare around. A knock came upon the stall. “Sunset, is everything alright?” Cadence asked. “Did somepony hurt you?”

No pony, no.

“I’m fine.” Sunset said. “I’ve just had a lousy night’s sleep. Not been a pony for a long time.” Her words weren’t lies at least. The truth however, had also not come out.

“I can’t say I can relate there,” Cadence said. “But this is hardly the place to take a nap, don’t you think?”

Sunset sighed. “It was enough to power me through the afternoon though,” she lied. She opened the stall door and peeked around the corner, observing Princess Cadence. “I… I’d love to see more of downtown Canterlot if you don’t mind.” Why’d she ask it like she was asking permission?

Cadence raised an eyebrow, but asked no further questions. Instead, she simply smiled. “Lets go ask Shining Armor.”

The two walked back into the common area, drawing fewer gazes than before. Shining Armor paused the conversation he was having and walked up to them.

“How’s the ambassador feeling?” He asked Cadence. Cadence looked to Sunset, who looked to Shining Armor, irked by his indirect question as though Sunset was not involved.

“I’m fine,” Sunset said, sounding like someone who’s completely fine.

Cadence looked to her husband. “Well, there’s your answer, honey,” she said, smiling a motherly smile. “Sunset would like to see some more of Canterlot downtown. We’ve got time, right?”

“Aw yeah!” Shining Armor said, bursting with energy. “We can visit some of my favourite places!”

Cadence put a hoof to his shoulder, dialing him down a notch or two. “Let’s go see some of what Sunset has in mind, so maybe she can have some favourite places too.”

Shining Armor looked to Sunset, who was still in full gloom, trying hard to pretend to be pouting. He nodded “Sounds good to me, dear.” He turned to his company. “You two go ahead and see what you’d like to go see. I’ll wrap things up here.” Shining Armor turned to his buddies, who let out a collective and disappointed aww. He paid his tab and joined the girls out the door.

Moments later they found themselves back on main street, window shopping all the spectacular Canterlot artwork. Miniatures, animated dioramas, glass sculptures, there was the most amazing orary Sunset had ever seen. The guards took it before she could take a closer look however.

Exploring Canterlot as a tourist was really captivating. It was like Sunset was on a holiday, far away from everything. Everything was pretty perfect. The weather was nice and temperate and even in her black dress she kept cool. The crowd was abundant, but not so dense a normal walking pace was impossible. Though she could still feel that ache nagging deep inside of her, she was also having plenty of distraction and fun, much to the relief of Shining and Cadence.

The trio had arrived at one of Shining Armor’s favourite scenes, though he would no longer admit it being married now. They had come to the end of the main street and were witness to plenty of beautiful extravagant dresses, a catwalk and the daring mares between them.

They’d walked in on the second to last show, a disappointing discovery for Shining Armor, something Cadence picked up on and mock scolded him for, eliciting a chuckle from Sunset. She’d sarcastically asked if this was his favourite thing, which he hadn’t denied, pointing out all the pretty dresses. She’d promised to buy one just for him so he’d have something nice to wear on the way back, an offer he’d declined with a blush. At this point, Sunset was in stitches.

Seeing Twilight’s friend as happy as she was, Cadence felt it an appropriate time to bid farewell, as they also actually had a train to catch. Sunset would be fine, she thought. Genuinely fine, as opposed to how she’d answered Shining Armor earlier. They would be leaving by the start of the final show.

The stage was cleared and a short break was announced. Sunset turned to her ad hoc tour guides, thanking them for the pretty clothes and the wonderful afternoon, a mutual feeling. She’d ended it in a bow, but got a warm though brief hug in return from both of them, along with an invitation to come visit the Crystal Empire. With that, the couple took their departure and set off to the train station. Sunset promised to deliver their regards to Twilight.

“And now, fillies and gentlecolts!” The announcer began. “The moment you’ve all been waiting for!” A tall cloaked mare stepped up on stage, draped in an indigo cloth with golden sanguin question marks. “Our special featured model this afternoon,” a drumroll sounded, and the curtain flew off with a flourish. “Fleur de Lis!” The sound of hooves eagerly stomping the floor in applause rumbled the ground.

Sunset’s jaw would have dropped had she not known the Fleur in this world was also a famous model. Sunset watched the tall mare closely, though she wasn’t gawking in awe as all the others in the crowd. Fleur’s eyes crossed hers and Sunset looked away, hoping in vain that Fleur hadn’t noticed her.

Across the aisle sat an older well-suited white stallion in the audience, who in response to that minor interaction, had taken an interest in Sunset. She’d tried to move about but the crowd was  too dense. The last thing she’d want was to cause a scene. If only she could teleport. When she looked up again, The stallion was gone and Fleur had returned to behind the curtains.

The show had come to an end and a buff stallion had intercepted Sunset when she’d tried to make a break for it. The monocled stallion approached.

“Pardon me, miss...”

“Sunset,” Sunset said, looking away. “Sunset Shimmer,” she mumbled.

“Good day, miss Shimmer. I’m sorry to keep you like this but I couldn’t help but notice your unusual reaction to your circumstances. May I ask if anything is the matter? I hope you enjoy the show?”

It was strange, hearing her father’s voice coming from a strange stallion. Moments later, Fleur de Lis had undressed and stood with what Sunset could only presume was her business partner, or sponsor.

Sunset didn’t really know what to say to these two strangers who shared her parents names and voices. In this world, one was significantly older than the other and they weren’t married, or even romantically involved. Presumably.

“It’s, it’s nothing really,” Sunset said. “Fleur de Lis just reminds me of my mother, that’s all.” Fleur de Lis gigglesnorted. Sunset frowned but continued what she was about to say,”The show was fun. I liked most of the dresses. The neon pink one was an eyesore. No thanks.”

“I apologize for that chuckle just now,” Fleur apologized. “I just cannot for the life of me imagine having foals of my own.” Sunset looked somewhat concerned with this, for reasons Fleur could never imagine. “Well, not now anyway, When I lose my figure.” She struck a pose.

“In my wo-,” Sunset began. That was close! “My parents, you two remind me of them, that’s all.” Sunset faced the ground, not even looking at their hooves. Her face tensed up for a moment, as though she flinched in slow motion. “I’m sorry to have bothered you.” She tried to turn around, only to bump into the bigger stallion again. “Pardon me.”

“Sunset dear,” Fleur began, “are… are you alright?”

The sound of her voice rung all the bells of her mother’s familial kindness. Blessed be this world where strangers can be as pleasant.

Sunset’s mother hadn’t been the same since the incident. Every day, her voice had cracked a little further from the sadness permeating her every viber. Sunset had burdened herself with fixing that matter along with everything else. She didn’t want her mother going down a well as deep as hers. That cheerful voice just now had almost slipped from her memory. It was a vile thing to become accustomed to such misery.

Concerned with causing a scene, Sunset had looked around. She hadn’t drawn any attention, fortunately, but it wouldn’t take much more. She reluctantly turned around again, not wanting to leave without showing proper respect or a lack of manners.

“I’ll be okay,” she said, forcing a smile through grit teeth. “I have to get home now, my parents are waiting.” She bowed a little.

“I’m sure they’ll be happy to see you back safe and sound, Sunset,” Fancy Pants said. “If I ever have a daughter, may she think as well of me as you do of your parents.”

“Thank you,” Sunset managed to squeak. She turned around a final time, this time free to pass the bodyguard. Off she ran, back to the portal.

Fleur looked to Fancy Pants. “You think she’ll be alright dear?”

Fancy Pants nodded. “She carries her loving family wherever she goes,” he said.

“How can you tell?” Fleur asked.

Fancy Pants continued. ”Experience my dear. I’ve met countless ponies in my day; first impressions are all I really need. Ponies like that filly have a lot of love to give. And when they meet the right ponies, they’ll find a lot of love in others. But by Celestia,” his face lost any sign of his inner world, save the corners of his mouth slightly turning down. “That poor filly has been crossed.” He sighed a sigh letting Fleur know now was not the time for this matter, so she too let it drop.

Fancy Pants turned his attention back to the catwalk and the after-show business.

“Come now my dear,” he said. “Time to head back to the studio.” And off he went, Fleur in short order.

The smell of dinner welcoming Sunset home alerted her to how hungry she had gotten without her even noticing. Tonight’s meal smelt extraordinarily good and she followed the scent into the dining room. She found her parents already sat at the table, deeply invested in their reading. Sunset checked the clock, concerned she had gotten back late, but she was still a few minutes early, as planned.

Having gone unnoticed, as would have been a tank driving through the walls, Sunset decided to bounce, jumping up and down until she’d get their attention. Plenty soon her father lowered his papers and looked at her over his glasses. No moment passed before he got up and took them off.

“Fleur!” He said in astonishment. “Honey, look at your baby girl!”

Fleur looked up slightly startled by her husband’s sudden outburst, as well as from the unusual tapping sound. She turned towards Sunset and got up, nearly knocking over the chair. She put her hands to her face. Sunset stopped her bounce and held her arms wide open, presenting herself in all her crutchless glory.

“Sunset! Where, where are your crutches?” Fleur asked. “Can you really walk again?” She got up and slowly walked towards her daughter.

Sunset spun on the spot. “Isn’t it great?” Sunset asked rhetorically. “Twilight knew all the right people to get me fixed. Well, ponies really.”

Sunset embraced her mother, prompting her father to join in the brief family hug.

“That is absolutely amazing, honey!” Fleur exclaimed ecstatically. “But how? Did they, you know, fix everything or just your leg?”

“Just the leg,” Sunset said with a morbid seriousness. “It’s been really busy and really intense with Twilight. When she saw the state her other friends and I are in, she freaked out and wanted to spend some time with her old friends at home.” Sunset looked up, fear and sadness apparent. “I’d want to know my friends are okay too in her situation. And while she was doing that I hung out with her brother and his wife, visiting my old town like a tourist. It was actually really fun. I had a great time.” Plus I met two ponies who sounded ju… Rather than finish the thought, Sunset pulled her parents into another embrace. “Thank you, for being there for me.” Her parents returned the embrace and soon the moment passed.

Over dinner, Sunset’s parents asked at length about her stay with Twilight, and Sunset was delighted to tell them all about it. Sunset’s bright mood hadn’t gone unnoticed and at the realization, everyone had only smiled brighter.

She’d also informed them she should head back soon, as she was supposed to meet with Twilight Sparkle and stay another night. Though tonight’s stay would be more thorough in addressing Sunset’s troubles, the conversation she was having now remained full of hope and joy.

It wasn’t long before Sunset had returned to the portal and found herself waiting for Twilight, deep inside the castle. It wasn’t like Twilight to leave a pony waiting, though if two diligent and punctual mares are to meet, one would eventually end up waiting for the other, she figured.

Fully appreciating her recovered hind leg, Sunset walked around the room, curious about the assortment of artifacts and tomes hidden away from the public in a place like this. Not too dangerous to lock away in a warehouse full of crates, yet not safe enough to keep in the public domain. Available only to a few privileged mares and stallions. Her being free to be here must mean she’s deemed worthy, somehow. Though the reason why would elude her for ages to come, her thoughts minded her.

Oddly shaped crystals, staffs of great variety, books with forbidden knowledge, enchanted items, the orary she had admired earlier. She glanced at each, not really knowing every item or trinket. A platinum necklace with a winged unicorn and a brilliant ruby caught her attention, for it reminded her of a wide tale Twilight had spun her once. A tale of a blue stage mare with a silver mane, traveling Equestria in a wagon.

She enveloped it in magic to try and pick it up. However, the little trinket wouldn’t budge. Sternly, Sunset put her hooves on the ground somewhat apart, before trying again with a little more force this time, though to no avail.

Considering it wouldn’t match her gold crown anyway, she let it be with a shrug. Her magic failing however, was another story. Time to try again.

Next to the amulet was a brilliant silver key. She could feel it emanating power, though not its nature. This key unlocked no chests or doors or locks, that she was certain of. Again, she reached out with her magic. This too seemed welded into the world, stucker than any glue or alloy would affix it.

Sunset rolled her eyes in an annoyed disappointment. What’s the use of a room full of interesting objects you can’t even really investigate?

To her left she saw the shelves of books, figuring she’d try her luck with something more conventional. The curious backs drew her attention. She tilted her head and started reading, some titles sounding more intriguing than others.

Curses, Hexes, Enchantments and other Magically Invoked Ails and Diseases of Abominable Natures
Anticanonical Theses on Harmony in Equestra
Classified Celestial Calendar
Open World
Empty Shells to Clean Slates: Heretical Revolutionaries and Their Crimes Against Pony Kind
Uncontrollable Irrevocably Cascading Magic
Seventh Element
Supermagical: Natural Phenomena Immune To Magic
Harmony Beyond Equestria
The Fall of Prequestria: Gravity of Greener Grass And The Death Of Pony Kind

Disturbance rippling through her from merely having read the last title prompted Sunset to look around, hoping to see any sign of Twilight. She had never even seen books like these in Humania, as Shining Armor had dubbed her world, though instantly realized she was looking at these books for the first time on this side of the portal as well. Going by some of the titles, it’s no wonder they are kept here.

Sunset sparked her horn, confident she could lift a book off the shelf. With Twilight underway and expecting her to be here, what better way to burn up some time but read these hidden volumes? A chance to study material she may never see again.

The shelf before her was rather long, and the case holding the shelf was tall. Twilight would be here before she could even read all the titles, let alone organize them to find the best one to start on. Best to pick the one that caught her attention just now.

The book on the shelf began to glow a warm orange before her charge vanished. She tried again, putting in some more focus. She sensed the book in her magic and enveloped it completely and carefully. Her magical field moved upwards and once more evaporated before the book even budged. One final try. Surely a simple levitation spell would be in her grasp?

She moved as she did before, encasing the book in full in her magic. She tried to feel if the book was stuck on something before trying to lift it, though nothing seemed to keep it in place. Much to her disappointment however, it still wouldn’t move before her magic evaporated.

Finally, she heard some voices in the hallway drawing closer. Either Twilight was in a hurry, or someone had caused a ruckus in the palace. At the loudest point, the sound of trotting hooves suddenly died.

“Intruder! This is the Captain of Her Majesty’s Royal Guard speaking!”

Sunset gulped and broke out into a cold sweat, slowly stepping behind the portal. Intruder? How are they not aware of who she is and why she’s there? Surely Twilight or Celestia would have notified the guard of this week’s events?

“In the name of Their Majesty, you will stand down!” The guard warned. “Come out slowly and no harm will come to you. If you do not comply within three seconds we will enter by any means necessary.”

Sunset swallowed again, not budging. She looked around but found no way out. There was nothing she could do, save for go back to her world. Surely Twilight could settle whatever came of this?

“Three!”

If not her then Celestia herself no doubt? Should she risk it? Tarnishing Twilight and maybe even Celestia’s good standing with such a grievous scandal? What about Shining Armor?

“Two!”

She looked again to the mirror and closed her eyes. She frowned for so many reasons.

“Alright!” Sunset called out. “I’m coming out!”

“One-” Came a petered down voice. “We are waiting.”

Sunset moved towards the door, her heart racing in her throat. A strange thought occurred to her that maybe, just maybe, she wasn’t the pony they were looking for. Maybe, by Celestia maybe, this was but a simple mistake, solved the moment she opened that door.

Silently, it opened up, a testimony to how well kept this place really was. Instantly, the guard swung it fully open and Sunset felt a force pushing her down onto the floor and pinning her there.

“Oof!” She coughed, having had the wind knocked out of her. So much for no harm coming to her.

“Situation secured,” called out one of the non-engaged guards.

“Do you have anything to say for yourself?” The guard forcing her down lifted her into the air and maliciously pressed his face into Sunset’s. He squinted his eyes and concluded in a gruff voice. “Intruder.”

“Let her go!” Came a familiar voice.

The guards turned to face the belated purple mare, proud of having fulfilled their duties to her. First however, they bowed down and got back up.

“Your highness!” called out the captain, “We have captured the intruder!”

“That’s my friend you’ve detained!” Twilight said in a barely in-door angry voice. “Release her at once!”

The captain looked as though he just witnessed his career ending right then and there. He gently lifted Sunset before Twilight and placed her on the floor with ease.

“A thousand apologies your highness.”

“It’s not your fault,” Twilight said. “You were only doing your job.”

The stallions bowed in gratitude.

“And a mighty fine job at that,” Sunset said, catching her breath. She turned to Twilight, annoyed. “What kept you?”

“A well functioning bureaucracy with a failing administration plus national security,” Twilight rolled her eyes.

“Ugh,” Sunset grunted. She turned to walk towards the exit, Twilight in tow. “Lay it on me, what happened?”

And so the two went about their business, leaving behind three royal guards, a captain, and an approaching alicorn.

“Your highness,” the guards greeted Princess Luna with a bow. “The room is ready for your inspection.”

“Thank you captain,” Luna said stoically, not facing him. “We shall ensure your good standing will not be tarnished through your covert mission today.”

The guard thanked Her for Her consideration.

“Our Sister and her protogé are too trusting, ‘t is Our belief. We hope that our findings today will confirm that trust.” Luna said, before advancing on the door “We know all too well the allure of that darkness Our Sister and Twilight have been spared.”

The captain stood tall and to attention. “With your permission, if I may, your highness?”

Luna turned around. “Go ahead captain, speak freely.”

“Your highness, would your concerns be addressed with supervision during Sunset’s visits?”

Princess Luna nodded. “Thank you captain, your suggestion has been noted.” Without another word, Luna entered the room, to find the strands of Sunset’s magic and subconscious she left behind.

Nightfall had come about in Ponyville, as had Twilight and Sunset. They had decided to skip the train ride so there would be more time available for all those things left unsaid between them.

Much to Sunset’s surprise and relief, she was really calm and almost happy for it to have come this far. All this time she had counted on herself being the mess she had been for days now. Tired, sad and unwilling to face up to the situation. Now that she was here, knowing she was in good han- hooves, a massive weight dropped from her shoulders.Though not a lot had actually been solved or even happened, these meta-concerns themselves had been a heavy burden to bear.

Spike lead the duo up to Sunsets room and her fancy bed. Sunset sat down on it, Twilight sat down across from her on a pillow.

Sunset got a good look at Twilight. The purple filly was trying to force a smile through a frown. Her mane was suffering too many loose ends, and she had been fanning her fears and doubts.

“So...” Sunset began. “How was your day? Did you get what you wanted out of visiting your friends?”

Twilight nodded. “First I bumped into Applejack at the market and we went to Pinkie Pie’s for lunch.” As she spoke, the corners of her mouth turned up, but her eyes didn’t join in. “The spa came up and I remembered it was Rarity’s spa day, so I decided to show up as a surprise. Much my own surprise, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash were with her.”

“Even Rainbow Dash?” Sunset asked dumbfounded. “If she’s anything like my-” Sunset caught herself, “like the Rainbow Dash in my world, that’d be the last place I’d expect her.”

“It was fun,” Twilight said. “I’m glad I got to meet them all on such short notice. Improvising isn’t exactly my forté.”

There was a momentary silence as the next words, heavy as they were, fell on Twilight’s tongue.

“Rarity noticed,” Twilight continued. “At least, I think she probably sensed something wasn’t right.”

“What did you tell her?” Sunset asked.

“The truth. About what I did this morning. The things that happened.” She sighed. “We went to the library where Pinkie Pie and AJ joined up. I explained why I was spending some time with them in such an out-of-the-blue way.” Twilight chuckled.”Pinkie Pie pointed it out, actually. Saying how this was the first time she’d ever spent time with me without a written plan or schedule. Or some sort of cataclysmic life threatening world ending apocalypse.” Finally, her eyes matched her mouth in smiling. “And I like to think that she knew as well, even if she didn’t say anything.”

“And the others?” Sunset asked. “What happened next? How’d they react?”

Disappointment overtook Twilight’s features. “They couldn’t understand. It was unthinkable to them that anyone like them, living what we share, our friendships, could end up like ,,, Well,” Twilight looked at Sunset, taking in as much of her being as she could. ”Like you did.”

Sunset was taken aback, but before she spoke up, Twilight had taken the word again.

“In a way, I’m glad they think we all share this indestructible bond. That our friendships will never end, or will always be without such devastation. It speaks to our trust in each other and in ourselves. It’s also naive, unrealistic and idealistic.”

“And dangerous,” Sunset added.

Twilight nodded. “I prefer ‘adventurous’.”

Sunset glared at Twilight. “I wouldn’t,” she said through grit teeth. “I wouldn’t exactly call what I’ve been through an ‘adventure’, Twilight.”

“I’m sorry, I-.”

“We’ve been writing for the past few days but you don’t know half of the things people have put me through!” Sunset swallowed. “What they’ve...”

Like thunder, with that one phrase, Sunset was trembling as she became possessed by what she thought she had under control.

“You were writing from your happy place, high and mighty and having all the answers and whispering sweet nothings to me!” Sunset got up and stood before the bed, stomping towards Twilight. “Princess” -- she spat the word -- “Twilight never has any problems. Not like this.”

Twilight cowered backwards, pushing her pillow into the wall, herself into the cushen. She now faced an angry look of disgust, followed by one of utter contempt and disdain, all three broken by the pain bubbling through.

“How dare you,” Sunset said through her tears. “I come to you for...” She looked around, searching her words, for herself, for an aversion from Twilight’s frightened and concerned face. Inevitably she faced Twilight, their gazes clashing. Sunset stepped back with a scowl.

“I’ve not told you everything just yet, Twilight,” Sunset said. “I actually came here, carrying this with me. Thinking this was my… My deepest wound.” She put her hoof on her chest.

Sunset had calmed down a bit, and let out a broken breath having considered the words she was about to utter: “I wish they were. I wish these wounds were the worst I got.”

Twilight got back up, no longer fearful of her friend. Though she didn’t know exactly what Sunset was talking about, her wounds, Twilight also realized Sunset had passed that station. Sunset didn’t care about her injuries in light of her betrayals.

Twilight was aware. She was aware of Sunset’s words, of her injuries, her emotional suffering. She was aware of Sunset’s world having been maliciously turned into dust in her hands, slipping away without her even being able to do a Celestia damned thing about it. All of that, all of Twilight’s thoughts, feelings, experience, all of her life, was still too little to know and understand her Sunset.

“I know it’s selfish,” Sunset began. ”And foolish, and I wouldn’t ever ever even consider it. I know I have friends and,” Sunset sniffled, “and I have a wonderful, wonderful loving family,”

“But death has its appeals.”

The air hung heavy in the room. All the lights had disappeared and all the world had vanished. Twilight felt her heartbeat. She swore she could hear Sunset’s.

Carefully, Twilight spoke up, almost. She reconsidered. What was there to say but words echoing hollow in a well that deep, never reaching the soul beneath the bottom?

No. There was but one reason Twilight found herself without a word, she realized. The words she sought would never come to be. If she wanted to express anything and be there for her devastated friend, she needed to embody it.

Twilight approached Sunset, gently bumped into her, and embraced her. She sat her down and sat with her, Sunset having her hooves around Twilight. She felt her friend’s hold of her tighten, her breath growing strained and then, into hiccups. Sunset’s grip loosened and her cries became long wails and questions of why, only because she could not ask the things she really wanted to know: to actually learn and understand. Questions unanswerable.

This lasted for about twenty minutes. An eternity for Twilight to consider walking in Sunset’s shoes as well as her own. What the visit with the princesses had been, how she hadn’t wanted to look into Sunset’s eyes upon arrival. How her gift was nothing but an empty, a nice but empty, gesture from aloft. How her friends’ visit had brought her confidence and trust in them and in herself, in their relationships, but not what she’d wanted most: anything with which she could be there for Sunset.

Sunset’s words of just rage before she fell into her arms had struck at her deeper and deeper. The title ‘Princess of Friendship’ was meaningless to one who’s never dealt with more than  unfair competition, feuds and misunderstandings. They might as well have crowned the court jester. She would consult Celestia, but even she had not ever spoken of anything coming close to Sunset’s actual situation. All there was to her was her overcoming her grief.

Death has its appeals.

Poison. Cold. Loneliness. Betrayal. Self-doubt. Remorse. Anger. Helplessness. Eternity. Forever. Never. Pain. Why? Words. Singular words. Coherent yet formless thoughts came to Twilight considering that phrase.

It was like poison to the soul, leaving Twilight cold and lonely. A sense of betrayal by the one who took their own life, for hurting Twilight so and doubting whether she had done enough, or anything at all to prevent her friend from ending it all. Remorse over their death and at the same time, anger at the one who’d inflicted this suffering on those around them. Not having a clear and simple path, not even having a hint of a goal to better the situation. Gone forever, never to return. A deep pain, stemming from an insatiable desire to know why and being certain that you cannot escape that reality. A yearning for those beloved to return to your arms. To hold them again and live.

There is no turning back, and no moving on, and no staying in hell.

Thoughts Twilight did not want and did not comprehend brought her back to what she had done to Luna and Celestia. Thoughts she knew Sunset must have all the time. She held her friend tighter for finally having a glimmer of understanding. She braced herself against the onslaught that earlier instinctively sent her shields up. Why? Why? Why? The eternal question and the ever elusive answers.

The long moment had passed and it had lasted for longer than Twilight had wanted. Perhaps more than she could bear. The two broke up and sat back. Sunset looked away in shame, Twilight looked at Sunset.

“I’m sor-” the two of them began.

“I’m sorry,” Sunset finished, not even waiting for Twilight. “I’m sorry for being such a mess. I’m sorry for burdening you with this.” She turned to Twilight. “And I’m sorry, for what I said just now. I know being a Princess must be tough sometimes.”

Twilight shook her head. “No, I think the things you’ve said were fair.” She said. “Unlike what I’ve said. Most of it. So I’m sorry too. Not just for what I said just now but all those empty words from high above.”

“And, there is one more thing, I’m afraid.” Twilight said. “I’m afraid...” Twilight was considering what she wanted to express. That fear of her own inadequacies at a time where it’s so dire and personal. Her friend’s life may literally depend on her yet here she fears even putting her failings into words might send her to that very doom.

Twilight completely shut up and looked away, her jaws clenched shut tight. Teeth grit and lips sealed.  When both silence and speaking take a leap of faith, what really makes the difference?

“What are you afraid of Twilight?” Sunset asked. “You’re easily one of the bravest mares I know.  Surely you’ve done much more difficult and challenging things than save a few friendships?”

Twilight swallowed. A rush of blood fleeing through her heart sat her down in a wooze. How much did Sunset think of her? How little did she think of her friendships? What value was friendship to her if she can just put a question like that?

Nothing in Equestria, in her entire life, in all of existence was more important to Twilight than Friendship. If ever the Sun and Moon were to perish or turn, as the Moon had once generations ago, there was no doubt in Twilights mind that she could restore harmony through friendship. Together.

Though Sunset was just out of petting range, she may as well still be with her parents across the mirror. Twilight quickly realized they weren’t on the same page about a lot of fundamental things. They weren’t even on the same book or on the same shelve. The conversation was over, and so those important things to be discussed remained unspoken yet again.

“I’m afraid,” Twilight reiterated. “I’m afraid I don’t ...” If Twilight really was the princess, surely her words should be wise and weighed. She didn’t what? How could she tell Sunset she didn’t have a solution, or even the knowledge and tools to come to a solution?

-“I’m afraid we’ll need a lot of time to bring you all back together.” Twilight shook her head. “We’ve talked about that before, I think you even said it yourself in your letters.” A look meaning more than a simple “sorry” took hold in her features. “I just, I guess I...” She looked away. “I guess it only just sank in.”

Sunset put a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder.

“Sunset, do you trust me?” Twilight asked.

“I try,” Sunset said in shame, putting her hoof down. “But it’s hard. I know I should trust you, but I’ve also learned that I can’t.” Her next words tied a knot in her guts. “And I know it’s not your fault, so then how could you possibly set things straight? It’s not your fault. It’s not your responsibility!”

“I don’t know,” Twilight said honestly. “And I don’t know if I can, or even should.” Determination crept into her voice. “But I also know I want you all to be happy. I know you can be happy together and even though it will never be like it was before,” Twilight swallowed, “I would like it to be just as fulfilling.”

“I’m not sure you understand Twilight.” Sunset said. “In fact, I’m pretty sure you don’t understand, because all I’m hearing is the same thing you kept writing. Lofty words from above!” She flailed her hooves above her head.“ Nothing to do or to work with, just empty air. I’m sorry, but I can get that anywhere.”

“Am I wrong wanting to see my friends happy?” Twilight rebutted. “All I ever wanted was for you all to be happy. Everyone. From Ponyville to Canterlot, all across Equestria. In my world and in yours, everywhere!”

“And what exactly, are you doing to do that?” Sunset said, “Write them happy wishes and what you’d like for them? That’s all I’ve heard thus far!”

Twilight sighed, realizing the conversation wasn’t right. “I want to say I’m sorry things are rough right now and that nothing is right, but we are actually doing things to set things right.”

“Like what?” Sunset huffed.

“Like grounding ourselves and getting our bearings.” Twilight pointed at Sunset’s leg. “Like fixing your hind leg, without which you would’ve had a pretty miserable time in Canterlot today. And we went to visit the princesses. Even if I don’t know the exact things of what to do or how to do it, I’m glad Celestia and Luna welcomed you back.”

Sunset thought back to dinner at her parents place and how happy they were to see her in better health. It wasn’t something to do with her friendships, sure, but at least it helped a lot in a different, perhaps even a more important way. Twilight was right.

“I know you’re frustrated and hurt and I’m sorry I can’t just fix that. What I want to do is help see you through this all. Not just you but everyone.” Twilight relaxed. ”Everyone’s still friends with me and I want you all to be happy.” She put a hoof on Sunset’s shoulder. ”As for how I plan on doing that, I’ll be there for you when you need someone to listen and by making sure you don’t stray down some horrible path.”

“I wish things were easier,” Sunset said. “I wish I could go back. I just want to go back, Twilight.”

“Me too.” Twilight embraced Sunset. It wasn’t much, but Twilight’s acknowledgement and resolution were enough for Sunset to at least stay the night without regret.

“Twilight?” Sunset asked. “Will you spend the night with me? In this room I mean?”

Twilight nodded.

The night had been restless for the two troubled mares, and whatever shuteye they’d gotten was shallow, brief and jarringly interrupted. Both had thought of all the things they didn’t want to remember or consider. Whatever pleasant thoughts they clung to would inevitably send them down that same drain back into the depths of loss, wanting, doubt and grief. Not even, perhaps not especially, Pinkie Pie’s parties could keep them afloat.

The lights had been out for no more than thirty minutes before a muffled whimpering came from Sunset’s bed. Twilight hadn’t had a shut eye either, randomly wandering her thoughts of her friends in Humania and how things had gotten to this point. She turned to face Sunset’s bed. Not really knowing what to do or say.

The sobbing turned to drawn out cries, tugging at Twilight’s own heart strings. There was a helplessness about the two, Twilight knowing, seeing Sunset in a deep pain and not being able to relieve it. She got up and lit her horn on her way to Sunset. She lifted the veil and saw Sunset bury her face into her stained and soggy pillow. She put a hoof on her shoulder and gently moved it across Sunset’s back.

She felt Sunset’s shaky and jarring breathing move her hoof up and down. The pillow still drowned out her voice.

This was another problem they had, Twilight realized. Yet another for which she was not the one. She considered herself to be okay with friendships, even good on a good day. But this wasn’t about that anymore. Sunset’s pain couldn’t be solved through any means of friendship. Not right here, not right now. Though, that is not to say she couldn’t be there for her. She might not solve it, but she may at least do whatever she can to help.

Twilight gently nudged Sunset to roll over, a gesture Sunset refused.

“Sunset,” Twilight began, “I don’t know if there is anything to say to make it better. So maybe I can listen instead.”

Sunset quieted down, listening closely to Twilight.

“But I understand if you don’t want to talk about it,” She continued. “Just know I’m here if you want to.”

Slowly, Sunset turned her face out of the soggy pillow. Her coat was matted and her eyes were red and poofy. She saw Twilight’s gentle, genuine and welcoming smile, something she didn’t even know she’d missed until then. She turned back into the pillow and spoke, though Twilight couldn’t make out what she’d said.

“I’m sorry, Sunset” she began. “I can’t tell what you’re saying. Something with your back?”

Sunset raised her head up to speak more clearly. And she did. “I just want to go back,” She hiccuped. She dropped her head face first into the wet fluff again and mumbled.

Twilight rubbed her back still and all was quiet for a bit. Sunset pushed on the bed, lifting herself in a more upright position so she could sit with Twilight. She looked away and had a limpness about her. A defeated mare.

“I just want to go back. Twilight.” Sunset said again. “I want to go back.”

Twilight put her hoof right on Sunset’s left. Sunset hadn’t expected to miss her hands.

“I want to go back to when we could just go out and have fun. I want to go back to Pinkie Pie’s parties and when we’d just hang out.” Every word she spoke echoed that part of her that knew that life was gone forever. “I just want to go back.”

Sunset put her hooves to her face. “I miss them so, Twilight. I just ...”

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to keep you up.” Sunset couldn’t keep the tears from coming. “I just miss them so. It hurts.”

A world shining bright with harmony and joy rarely visits upon the forthbringers a desolation deep as hers. Twilight knew not of hell nor had she prepared to know of it, and so she had left herself without a prayer to bring her friend salvation.

For a sting she would get her a bandage, a wound a nurse, a curse a shaman, a martyr a god, a night a dawn and a winter a spring. For Sunset, a plea for forgiveness. It would have to wait.

Twilight shook her head. “I don’t mind staying up,” Twilight said. “It’s why you’re here, to stay with me and...” She looked away, not entirely sure why they were like this. “Well, to try and make things better, even if by just a little.” Twilight briefly hugged Sunset.

There was a pause and Sunset futily kept wiping at her eyes. “I just want to go back, Twilight.” Sunset repeated herself. “It hurts, and it’s not going away.”

Twilight crawled further up the bed.

“Do you mind if I come lie next to you?” Twilight asked. “So we can talk more comfortably?”

Sunset nodded and Twilight crawled over to Sunset’s right, scooting under the blanket a little.

“You never told me how you ended up in the hospital,” Twilight said. “Or how you got a broken hind leg.” She turned to Sunset, who faced the canopy. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Pinkie Pie wanted to throw me a party,” Sunset began.

The night grew late and the hours early, with Twilight asking plenty to understand, only to end up with more questions. Gradually, reality beyond the gate began to dawn on her. She watched her friend transform between all of meek and sadness to anger and hatred, none of which she had ever wanted.

The urge to defend her other friends had been great, and hard to suppress. What they had done was bad, and Twilight could not bring herself to believe it all. Some of it had to have been embellished. It had to be.

Twilight wondered if Sunset really did or didn’t trust her, she couldn’t tell. Sunset probably couldn’t either. If she had to err, it would be that Sunset trusted her like she would a stranger with whom she’d spent a pleasant afternoon. A trust built from scratch over the while they’d spent together these past two days.

Eventually, one of them had started dozing off and conversation had dissipated. The other soon followed suit and finally, both mares had found some sleep.

It had been about four more hours before Twilight decided to check the clock, though for her only five minutes seemed to have passed, it may as well have been five nights. She wanted to sleep, her mind had stirred again and kept her from it. She turned around onto her other side, facing Sunset mere inches away..

Her room was in complete darkness save for the color of her magical aura wherever she focussed her attention. The only ambience from outside were drawn out flickers of the moonlight, fractured by the leaves of her tree, waltzing in the breeze.

The veil over Sunset’s bed lit up on each cloud passing the moon. Twilight sighed and felt her head lay as heavy on her pillow as her thoughts did on her mind.

Her friend. Within her reach lay her friend who had come to her for help with a problem she could not solve on her own. Twilight didn’t even understand. All she knew was that they had a lot of problems. Most of these problems were invisible to her and worst of all, on but a few she could see Sunset eye-to-eye.

Sunset didn’t need someone like her for this. She needed the Princess of Friendship in her own world. Someone who could understand her pain and suffering and that of her friends no doubt. Someone who had gone through a great trial. Someone who can extend that experience and understanding to those around her and spread that message like Twilight has spread Friendship. If Sunset’s world was really as cynical as Sunset had described it from time to time, such a person may not even exist. She would be the first.

The sun dawned on a new day and pulled back the two mares into the reality of their new miserable lives. No glorious completely controlled sunrise, conjured in a clear violet sky going pink then blue, no delicately crafted bed and no friend by their side did relieve them. A fantasy not meant to be reality was dancing in their eyes on the graves of their previous lives.

Sunset looked to Twilight for answers, and so did Twilight look to Sunset. Twilight stirred to get up, asking of Sunset to do the same as she lay between her and the edge of the bed. Sunset scooted over rather than getting out ahead of Twilight. When Twilight got out of bed, Sunset expressed her gratitude for her spending the night with her, and how glad she was she’d come to be with her, even if things had only seemingly gotten worse.

Twilight reassured her and vowed to remain welcoming to her. Things had actually gotten better, she said. Now they knew their problems were much bigger and plentier than they’d thought. Sunset, perplexed, asked how in Celestia’s name that was any better. It’s really hard to overcome the things that elude attention. Like a predator stalking the night, one day, they come to devour you completely.

Sunset gulped. Twilight put a hoof to her shoulder and let her know of her new found appreciation of their predicaments: she too has had some of her demons revealed to her. Twilight proposed to make a vow to get through this together, something Sunset remorsefully had to decline. She still did not, could not, trust Twilight. Instead, she said to overcome that hurdle first so at least they wouldn’t face what may come alone. A suggestion warranting a nod.

Breakfast had been filled with talk of the immanent. Sunset would attend school this week as normal, as she’s recovered plenty to get through a day if she restrains herself. Physically anyway. If she could simply avoid confronting, or being confronted by, those students who’ve hurt her, everyone, she would probably be okay.

When Sunset had asked Twilight about her plans, she drew a blank. Well, a to-do list. Rather, a list of “things I think might help.” That, and an apology for not having anything more concrete or organized than that. Sunset offered some words of comfort, noting that that sounds like a plan. Organize your thoughts. Take in what happened this weekend and acknowledge your own observation. These things take time, or really, effort.

Twilight teleported them both to Canterlot and saw her friend off at the portal. Before long, Sunset found herself in her mother’s embrace.