Borrowed Time

by Gambit Prawn


Chapter 32

“Come on, Pink, it’s not that big a deal,” I pleaded.

I thought I had said it with sincerity, but my words only seemed to make her cry harder.

“I—I’m—sniff—so embarrassed. Y… you heard what they said. I’m just—sob—a baby that still needs her nightlight.”

“It isn’t that bad,” I tried. “Sure they’ll laugh today, but tomorrow they’ll all have forgotten about it.”

Pink Diamond started trembling. “But everypony from school was here! It—nopony will not be talking about it tomorrow!”

I doubted her, but this line of attack just wasn’t getting it done, so I varied my approach.

“Pink, I can’t speak for everypony, but I’m not laughing at you.”

She looked at me through teary eyes.

“I mean, I don’t even know what Tadfoals is. And besides, I’m sure plenty of adults like to have a little light when they sleep.”

Even if it’s not because they’re scared of the dark...”

For a moment, Pink Diamond stopped crying. “You’ve never heard of Tadfoals?”

“Nope. Never read any of the books as a younger foal.”

“It’s really great! There’s Plucky, Marinanna, and Whirlpool who are best friends. The Coral twins are also funny, but my favorite is Diavern, she’s really cool and friends with everypony—kind of like Zephyr Zap,” she rattled off quickly. Nonetheless, tears started to run down her face again.

“During tough times, they were always there. When I’m lonely, it was like they were my friends. Because I—sniff—don’t have any!”

Again? Hmm, between Jill and these exchange ponies, Celestia may have a point with all this teaching friendship nonsense.

“That’s not true Pink. I—”

I suddenly tensed up. Come on, tell her you’re her friend.

I opened my mouth, only to leave it ajar stupidly for several long moments. I wanted to alleviate her pain, but I wasn’t ready to take the responsibility of being her friend.

“Uhh… I’m sure Zephyr Zap is your friend.”

“Yeah, but she’s friends with everypony,” Pink sobbed.

“So what you were saying before about Tadfoals. What else do you like about it?”

“It’s all about everypony having fun together. All of the tadfoals love to sing, dance and play games. Except for Slunk, who doesn’t like anything fun. Still, the other ponies keep inviting her to be nice, but I don’t think anypony likes her.”

Pink Diamond froze.

“Doesn’t… like her. Keeps inviting her to be nice. I’M SLUNK AREN’T I?” she shrieked before hemorrhaging tears. Her cries turned into loud wails, which drowned out the noises of the distant party.

I raised my hoof tentatively before giving up and putting it down again. I repeated this exercise a couple more times as I eliminated every idea I came up with. Finally, the pressure of inaction got to me.

“Hey, it’s okay to be embarrassed. I know I would be too in your position. But this isn’t going to last forever. You know what they say: time heals all wounds.”

I heard soft hoofsteps and I turned around. Stardust and Style had somehow snuck up on me.

“Uh… guys? I don’t think this is a good time to recruit her into the AAA.”

Stardust glared at me, while Style started rubbing Pink Diamond’s withers.

“We wouldn’t do that, River,” Stardust finally verbalized. “Pink, I really respect your efforts to befriend Annuity. You tried really hard and treated her with a lot of kindness. I know it hurts to see that kindness and effort rebuffed. But that Annuity is just a bad apple.”

“I tried to tell you,” I said, admittedly gloating somewhat.

“River! That’s not going to make her feel better,” Style reprimanded.

Pink Diamond sniffed, wiping her nose on a fetlock. “I’m not blind I know she’s mean. I—I just thought I could get through to her and be her friend. But I wasn’t good enough!”

“Come on Pink, you can have plenty of friends,” I added, trying to save face. “You want to be like Diavern, right? You just need to choose the ponies you associate with better. There are plenty of fish in the sea.”

The crying filly looked down and away. Style moved her hoof up and began stroking her mane.

“All right all right! I’ve heard enough. River, you’re fired!”

“ Huh? Zap!? When did you get here? What do you mean?”

Zephyr Zap flashed me a winner’s smile. “This is a job for a filly’s touch.”

Stardust and Style locked eyes and tried their best not to laugh. “Well, River, we do have to admit that you’re not that good at being a filly,” Stardust conceded.

“Thanks...” I grumbled.

“Pink, just because Annuity didn’t accept doesn’t mean that you’re not good enough,” said Zap.

“That’s easy for you to say. You’re her friend,” Pink said, not buying it.

I had to admit this was a good point.

“Well, I’ve known her for a really long time. It’s really luck whether she takes a liking to you or not. In my case Annuity just liked my color scheme. I can’t tell what it is that got her to not like you, but it’s probably not what you think.”

Pink Diamond stopped crying. “So it’s not that I’m too energetic? That I talk too fast? That I’m overbearing?”

“No, not at all,” Zap assured her. “And even if Annuity thought any of those things—well she’s just a judgmental pony. I mean, Annuity makes doesn’t like it that my wings buzz when I’m excited.” She made her wings buzz for emphasis. “But it’s something that makes me me. If you really want friends you have to overlook some things.”

“Overlook some things? You mean like bullying?” I challenged. Looking to Stardust and Style, I expected their support but saw they were rather uncertain.

“Well, sort of,” said Zap. “A little bit, but it’s more complicated than that.” She flashed a tentative smile.

I didn’t buy it for a second.

Nonetheless, I could see Zap had helped Pink Diamond immensely. Stardust and Style nodded their approval.

“So how about joining our—oof!”

Style nudged Stardust in the ribs.

“Oof…”


Struggling to keep eye contact with Celestia, I sunk into the soft cushion.

“So that’s how it went down,” I finished. “I know I failed in my mission by allowing this to happen, and I’m ready to accept the full consequences and punishment for my carelessness.”

“Punish you? Why would I punish you?” Celestia asked in disbelief.

“Don’t you remember? You said you were entrusting Pink Diamond and Zephyr Zap to me. My performance is inexcusable: I knew full well that Pink could get hurt, but I was completely powerless to prevent Annuity from humiliating her in front of everypony.”

“Why are you being so hard on yourself?” Celestia asked.

I gave no answer, since I knew full well that she knew of my background.

“You did your best to comfort her and ran after her when she was hurting. In my book your good faith effort to be her friend means you pass with flying colors.”

“I did terrible!” I insisted. “I tried telling her that she shouldn’t be ashamed for liking Tadfoals, but that didn’t go anywhere. It took Style and Stardust to realize what was really bothering her. And when I thought I had a handle of what to say, Zephyr Zap comes flying in with some more insight. It’s like Pink Diamond’s feelings were one of those sliding puzzles—like she was speaking in a language of riddles when I was trying to help her.”

Celestia chuckled softly.

“What?” I asked, stumped.

“They said it best, Alice. It takes a filly to understand a filly’s heart.”

I had several things I wanted to say in response to that.

“So you’re saying fillies— don’t say what they mean?”

“Hmm… I wonder,” Celestia mused. “Most stallions seem to think so.”

I sighed at her non-answer. “Fillies are amazing—being able to see through to what was eating at Pink Diamond. Despite turning into one myself I’m nowhere near that level.”

Celestia raised her brow. “Does that distress you? If anything I thought you would be relieved to be less like a filly.”

“It’s not that!” I insisted, shuffling my feet. “It’s just that they were able to do my job better than I was. Regardless, she’s going to remember yesterday for the rest of her life.”

“I would agree with that,” said Celestia. “It was likely a flashpoint that will shape her beliefs for years to come. However, what I think she’ll remember most is that she had so many friends come to comfort her.”

“But she wore a paper bag on her head all day!”

Celestia took a moment to respond, mildly surprised. “Well, these things do take time. I firmly believe that her experience last night helped her grow as a pony. She’ll better understand what she values and what to expect in her relationships with other ponies. She may not orchestrate the rest of her relationships flawlessly, but she did learn something about friendship. And your actions are largely responsible.”

“But I didn’t do anything!” I said frantically. “Like I said, it was all Zap, Stardust and Style.”

Celestia smiled. “Being able to rely on one’s friends in a pinch is not a sign of weakness. I think all great ponies—or people—owe a lot of their success to the company they keep.”

I couldn’t find the words, so I just conveyed my skepticism by standing there with my mouth hanging slightly open.

“Besides, Alice, we have a princess and a metaphorical kingdom that would not be without the help of her friends. You may not think much of your execution, but your friends followed you straight away when you chased after the hurting Pink Diamond.”

“They did?”

Celestia smiled. “Star Chart saw the whole thing. Seeing you run after Pink moved them to act.”

I was momentarily stunned.

Celestia thinks I was a good leader from that?

“And not only that. You also didn’t forget Zephyr Zap either,” Celestia explained.

I flopped onto a red beanbag cushion. “I could have insisted more strongly. After all, she was being a complete hypocrite! What gives her the right to tell Pink Diamond not to worry about Annuity while she still tries to stay in Miss Richer-Than-Thee’s good graces.”

Celestia showed me a patient expression, her motherly complexion free of any wrinkles of doubt.

“You chastise yourself for not being more forceful, but I think your approach was correct, even if it did not turn out as you intended. Zephyr Zap’s a young filly with a lot on her mind. If you went to her determined to change her mind with strong words, she might have further entrenched herself. Go in softly, and you can gently push her towards epiphany.”

“That… that’s not how we do things on my world.”

Celestia tossed her head to the side. “Surely there are some people on your world who influence with words rather than might?”

I paused to think. “Not many I don’t think. There were orators at rallies and ceremonies who gave speeches to boost morale and provide singularity of purpose. Is that what you mean?”

“Yes and no,” Celestia said coyly. “While using words to motivate or reinforce a shared purpose is sometimes valuable, soft-spoken persuasion is another art altogether. I obviously have my own bias, but I find the former to be limiting. While it can influence listeners, I’ve found, with ponies at least, real change that comes from within is more enduring.”

“Yeah, you would probably think that.” I sighed. “I still believe there are times when a need for unity requires something closer to my approach.”

“You’re not wrong,” Celestia said. “If I’m trying to encourage ponies to give to the orphans’ fund for instance, I really want my listeners to agree with the shared goal. But for issues less clear, I like to speak to a pony’s intellect as well as their emotions. If I can stir up ideas or counterarguments, that helps everypony by furthering the debate.”

“I—I guess that makes sense. I mean, I’m not exactly advocating for Rhod’s ways here, but at the same time I’m reluctant to accept that everything you ponies do is plainly better.”

I paused.

“Except for the food. In that respect you ponies definitely have us beat.”

Celestia smiled soothingly. “You’re starting to appreciate alternative perspectives. See? You can still learn things on your second time through school!”

I shook my head quickly. “I think it’s more what Bulwark said to me than anything I learned at Canterlot First. I’m not sure Ms. Fizzle has taught me anything more than a little pony history.”

“And spelling,” Celestia added playfully.

I rolled my eyes. “Hey, I’m getting better. I’ll have you know that I only misspelled three words on my last writing assignment. Besides, it’s not my fault your alphabet is so precise.”

“Well, Alice, our time is just about up. Keep me posted on anything related to your dream friends or that brown stallion. Never hesitate to drop me a note if there’s anything you don’t understand about our cultu—”

Celestia’s bedroom door let out a squeak, as the next pony in line, Blue Horizon poked her head through the opening.

“—And that’s why friendship is the best thing in the world. Take care, my little pony,” Celestia said, stroking my withers awkwardly for the second I took to realize I was supposed to leave.

“Thanks, Princess!” I shouted with feigned enthusiasm.

Blue Horizon seemed slightly unconvinced. “That sounds like how the princess teaches me. Weren’t you supposed to be getting advanced friendship lessons?”

Celestia and I locked eyes.

“Well, yes, but there’s a good reason for that,” Celestia recited with perfectly natural inflection.

When she didn’t continue, I had to quickly read her expression. What I discovered was that it wasn’t that she couldn’t find a convincing lie; it was that she was curious what sort of fib I would come up with.

“Ah. I see what you’re getting at,” I told Blue Horizon. “I am a more advanced friendship student, but the princess reminds me every day that in any endeavor you must remain grounded in the basics.”

Celestia stroked me with a wing. “Right you are, my student. Pleasant dreams to you.”

The double meaning was apparent to me. I wasn’t sure what I wanted more: a night of dreaming free of incident, or something substantive happening to clear up some of the mystery. As I walked back to my room, I found myself gently surprised by a realization: There were twelve exchange students, including me. If Celestia gave each of them half an hour of her time a week, that was six full hours every week she was investing just to keep suspicion off me!

I shook my head in disbelief.

I know she owes me for bringing me here, but she really tends to go out of her way when it comes to me. I’ll have to thank her sometime.

I navigated my way back to my room on autopilot. Even though the castle was huge, I had never lost my bearings. Still, when I stopped to think about it, I had mostly been confined to the areas of the castle used by the staff. Besides, there were bound to be plenty more secret rooms like the one behind the kitchen.

Back at my room with a little over an hour before bedtime, I wrestled with a familiar problem: what exactly to do with my free time. Out of habit, I hopped up on my bed and sat down. As if hoping something new was there to be found, I scanned my room. My homework was done. It was too late to exercise with my training weights. My bit purse still sat on my desk mostly full.

I think Celestia gave me too much money.

Other than paying my own way at the soda shoppe and purchasing Annuity’s birthday gift, I hadn’t spent a single bit. Of course, most of the time, I didn’t have my money with me. One of the surprising challenges of being a pony was having to carefully plan what I would take with me since no clothing meant no pockets—unless, of course, I strapped on my saddlebags. As it was, there simply wasn’t a lot of freedom to carry things. Out of all the adaptations I had made to this world, this was surely one of the most subtle, but it was nevertheless impressive. If I had been told I would learn to live without hands or pockets I would have laughed in disbelief.

My eyes next fell on the mask of Annuity. It was strange to think about it, but that mask was one of my first possessions in Equestria. Jill had given it to me as an afterthought, but, it was already my favorite knickknack of the scarce few I had. It had no practical use, but I still rather liked looking at it. It added a little personal flair to my room where there was almost none.

Completing my survey of the room, I finally landed on my bookshelf. Although I had recently stocked it with books checked out from the castle library, I hadn’t touched even a single one. I knew it was ridiculous, but I could still feel the stigma of idle diversions in the fringes of my consciousness.

Curiosity eventually got the best of me, though I put up a fight by making a token effort on the cutie mark poem.

Books, or cutie mark poem? Yeah, I’d rather read. Unsure, I picked a book at random. My choice ended up being the one work on fiction among them. I hadn’t been interested in sampling any more pony literature, but the librarian mare was just so nice that I couldn’t turn down her recommendation. In using the castle’s resources, I felt I had committed to reading whatever I had picked. Part of me wanted to put it down in favor of the nonfiction, but that also felt like backing out.

The book started out slow. It was about a young stallion working at a university. He could be absent-minded at times, but he was determined to do good work and make a contribution. The protagonist was a pleasant surprise, as I had expected the focus to be on foal characters in literature directed to foals. I found myself interested in this stallion as a character and his day-to-day life. He had a strict routine he followed every day. He wasn’t the brightest in his field, but he worked meticulously to be the best he could, and that put him ahead of his peers who, although more talented, didn’t work half as hard.

This was well and good, but I only realized a few pages pages in advance that something would need to go wrong for there to be any sort of conflict. Sure enough, the stallion, along with his clearly evil rival, was thrown back in time by a senior professor who had recruited the two of them to test his temporal anchors. That would have raised a red flag for me, but I suppose the book had to kick-start its plot somehow.

The protagonist had to hold out long enough in each time period for the temporal anchors to activate and take them further into the future—or would it be less deep into the past? In any event, the antagonist wanted to actively meddle in the timeline for his own personal gain, and our hero had to thwart him at each stage. The climax featured a highly unrealistic but entertaining, sword fight between the two, only a few hundred meters away from where Celestia was confronting Nightmare Moon.

Nightmare Moon? Where have I heard that before?

I heard a rapping at my door. To my shame, I flinched slightly. I had been so engrossed in the book that I had missed the first knock.

“Come in,” I prompted.

I wasn’t surprised in the slightest when it was Celestia.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. It seemed strange that she would come in my room when we had just concluded a friendship lesson. “Did you forget to say something?”

“No, I was just concerned,” Celestia said. “Your light was still on.”

I dropped my eyes to the book, and for about half-second I pondered a vain attempt to try and stash the book away. Defeated, I sighed, reluctant, and held the book out for the princess to see.

“I was just reading this. Nothing to be concerned about.”

Celestia said nothing.

“I know that’s sort of atypical for me, but I had nothing else to do, so I just thought I’d try something new you know...”

Her gaze persisted, and it started to get awkward. Finally she stated, “While I am pleasantly surprised to find you reading, what alarms me more is that it’s half-past midnight.”

I chuckled, half-convinced that she was joking. I slowly shifted my gaze to the room’s only clock, and my eyes popped when I realized she was right.

“Oh no! What happened!? That couldn’t have been more than an hour!”

Celestia smiled. “A good book can do that to you. Why, I had been quite accustomed to discovering Twilight unknowingly burning the midnight oil, consumed in a good read. Though in your case, you do have school tomorrow…” Her expression stiffened into a look I couldn’t decipher.

“I’m sorry?” I tried, hopping up to turn off my light. “I’m going to bed now. See!?”

I felt the strangely soothing sensation of her magic lightly pulling on me. It was felt like my coat suddenly picked up a static charge.

A playful smile emerged on Celestia’s face. “No. For exceeding your bedtime clearly some punishment is in order!”

She has to be joking. Right?

“But for a first time offense, I suppose I can let you off with… this.” She bopped me lightly on the nose. Despite the lack of force, it was still somewhat disorienting. Celestia then proceeded to turn the light off with magic. “Honestly, Alice, you ought to try breaking the rules once in a while—within reason of course. It would make me happy to see you carve out some independence.”

As Celestia tiphooved back into the hall, slowly shutting my door to cut off the last remainders of light, my head was spinning, only partly due to how late it was.

What…. What just happened? She wants me to break the rules? Why would I do that?

Flummoxed, I let my fatigue take hold of me and drifted into a less-than-peaceful slumber.

The moment my consciousness faded, I felt a dropping sensation in the pit of my stomach. Before fear could take hold, however, a familiar scene materialized. I looked around the throne room and galloped up to the stained glass window depicting events in Equestrian history. To my surprise, they were in full resolution containing none of the gaps I would expect if my own brain was trying to cut corners in rendering the dreamscape. I shook my head.

“Even if that was what was happening, putting my attention on finding a seam will just make it all the less likely I will be able to find one.” Contradicting my words, I quickly whipped my gaze to the ceiling, where various banners were hanging. To my mild disappointment the flags representing the three tribes looked impeccable. “Are pony dreams more substantial or something? I’m asking all the right questions, aware that I’m dreaming, and it still doesn’t break down.”

“Hey, Alice! who are you talking to?” Auburn asked

I turned around and saw the little brown alicorn filly.

“I’m sorry, do I know you?”

“Come on I’m Auburn we’re best friends!”

“I’m pretty sure I’m not. We’ve met once. Frankly, I’m more of a friend to Annuity than I am with you.”

She was undeterred. “But we can be friends—in the dreeeeeeeamscape,” she said spreading her front hooves out in front of her.”

“Oh, Alice, you’re here already?” my sister said, stepping into view. With her relative size, getting stepped on was at the forefront of my mind. She looked at the two of us and seemed to consider something. “Was I supposed to come in fur?”

“No, there’s no dress code here. And judging by the fact that Auburn is an alicorn and we’re all in the palace I think we’re supposed to hold some sort of tedious dream court again. If I had to bet, those same two patent ponies will probably come back again and ask about the doctrine of equivalents or something.”

Diane smiled warmly at me before morphing into an alicorn cat with antlers.

“Yeah, that works,” I said.

The double doors flew open before slamming behind House Keeper, who came fumbling in.

“Sorry I’m late did I miss anything?”

She too was an alicorn.

“No, you’re not late for anything. In fact, I was just going to try and blow up this dreamscape anyway before I have to play princess again,” I announced.

“Aww, but I wanted a turn,” House griped.

“Why do the two of you keep showing up in my dreams, anyway?” I asked, gesturing to House and Auburn.

“You still haven’t helped me yet,” said House.

I sifted through half a dozen excuses before settling on the fact that I had enough problems of my own; but I never got a chance to voice it.

“But hanging out with you has been fun,” she continued. “I think we can be good friends.”

But I hardly know you.

“Well… I don’t know—we don’t have anything in common,” I said, dismissive.

“I know! That’s why you’re so great. You say what’s in your heart and you lead and you don’t care what other ponies think. I know I don’t want to be wrong in front of others. And you’re a filly too—like me. I want to be like you!”

I cocked my head. “I don’t think I’ve shown you anything special. I just copied what I saw Princess Celestia doing. And that other time wasn’t really me.”

“You’re ruled by a mare?” House asked in disbelief.

“Yeah, you know, the Princess of the Sun—brings daylight to the world. You saw her last dreamscape. Ring any bells?”

“No,” House answered, a blank look on her face.

I’ll have to report this to Celestia. Poor filly is probably part of some obscure, misogynistic cult.

“And you, what’s your story,” I asked turning to Auburn, trying my best to conceal my suspicion.

“Oh, me? Well I’m just here to enjoy doing things in dreams that I’ll never get to experience for myself. Thank you for having me.”

I nodded weakly at her. I just wasn’t buying it.

Fortunately, the doors swung open, relieving me from having to respond more substantially. Heavy hoofsteps hit the polished floor as an armored stallion walked in.

“Presenting Donut Dawn and Rose Tea,” he announced.

“And that’s my cue,” I said, stretching my short legs. Bending down, I charged straight through a stained glass window. I shattered it in several places, but my small size limited the gratification completely breaking it would have brought. The other foals (and kitten) hopped through the opening I had created.

“Even you, House? I thought you would’ve wanted to stay behind and play princess,” I remarked.

“No way! Those two ponies are booooooring!”

“So what’s happening?” Diane asked, looking around confusedly into the white void.

“It’s a good point,” I agreed. “Where are we exactly?”

Nopony said anything for several seconds.

“Probably because we rebelled against the shared dreamscape’s plot. It’s like we’re actors in a movie and went behind the set, only to find nothing there,” Auburn mused.

“That’s a good way of thinking about it. I had thought you were House’s age, Auburn, so I’ve gotta ask: how old are you?”

“Oh, Alice, you should know never to ask a mare her age,” Auburn said playfully.

Mare, huh? Is she like Diane? Not a filly in the waking world?

I then considered that we were all alicorns, and it became apparent that I should have been skeptical of appearances from the get-go.

Suddenly the dreamscape began to warp around us. I closed my eyes to ward off dizziness as I felt the ground’s texture change and rise up.

“Well, that’s certainly a weird building,” Auburn remarked after a few seconds.

I blinked the world back into focus and my eyes popped at the outrageous structure. It looked like an ordinary skyscraper, but the top stories bifurcated and branched out to form a pair of towers.

“True,” Diane the caticorn agreed, “it reminds me of structures I’ve seen in history books. I don’t remember what they’re called though…”

“How does it stay up like that?” I said, adding my voice to the group astonishment.

House Keeper cocked her head. “What’s so strange about it?” Taking a second look around, she added, “But I don’t know where we are or even what city we’re in right now.”

“Hey, what’s this metal vent!?” Auburn asked.

“Don’t!” House shouted.

Auburn hopped off the vent just in time to avoid piping hot steam which filled the air.

“Why would anyone put that there, where anyone could walk over it?” I asked rhetorically; but the frenetic dream pace denied me an answer.

“Look: the train’s here!” House cheered. “Come on, girls, I have something to show you. This will be my first time showing it to friends!”

What the…

What was rolling towards us only bore the slightest resemblance to a train. It had a series of what looked like cars at least, but that’s where any similarity ended. What I was left looking at was a series of gelatin structures resting on a floating platform.

“Come on!” House Keeper urged, diving headlong into the wobbly cube.

Before I had even formulated half of the questions this raised, my hooves had already made the decision for me. There was even less of an impact than I anticipated, and the four of us settled in the center of the blob due to some sort of sticky force. Somehow there was an adjustment process and we spread out into standing positions, as if experiencing magnetic repulsion from one another.

“Aww man why’s it so slow?” House griped.

“Probably because everything feels like an eternity in a dream,” I postulated.

“That’s pretty accurate,” Diane admitted. “Like something exciting is imminent, but it never comes around.”

I smiled at Diane. “So when’s the baby due?”

“You’re awfully impatient, Alice. It’s hardly been two months.”

Is time just messed up here, or I missing something? I’ve been a pony longer than that, haven’t I?

“Aron—no, Alice. Sometimes I feel like you’re really here. I don’t know if it’s my subconscious’s way of helping me cope with loss, but it’s been nice talking to you.”

“Y—yeah…” I said, hesitant. Honestly, it was only when Luna indicated otherwise that I had abandoned the solipsistic belief that I was the only real thing in this dream. I suppose it would be natural for the other three to think the same way. No matter how I looked at it, however, I could not pick out any clear clue regarding which one of my three dream friends was the fake.

To my left, I could see House in an animated conversation.

“That’s really neat!” said Auburn. “I hope you get to play with your brothers some more.”

That’s right. I should be concentrating on these two weird ponies.

“So what do you like to do, Auburn?” House asked.

Look at that: she’s doing my job for me. I don’t even have to probe.

“Oh, I like a lot of different things. I’m getting to do a lot more of what I want now—reading, playing sports, games with friends.”

“Neat,” said House. “It sounds like you get to do the things you want to do. I’m kinda jealous.”

“Not always,” Auburn said with a sigh. “I’m kind of like you in that I haven’t always been allowed to do what I want. For the longest time, I wasn’t allowed to style my hair.”

“That’s not fair, but why would you like that? I hate going to the beautician! She always tells me I have to look my best for my future husband, and she takes sooooo looong.”

“Both of you should just try your best at being yourselves,” Diane remarked. “I can tell you that living in a rigid paradigm is suffocating at times.”

“Paradine? What’s that?” House asked. Why are you using such big words?”

I smiled. It was easy to forget how young House was. I hardened my expression. No, I can’t let my guard around her. I’ve seen firsthand what dream creatures can do.

Her attention span expired and she looked to Auburn again for amusement. They talked at length about their favorite foods. I tried to stay invested for any potential clues, but their idle chatter got to me over time. I felt a strange sense of fatigue and I drifted in and out of an alert state. Diane meanwhile was looking at the children lovingly.

“WHAT!? You’ve never had gorkoschnaut!?” asked House in disbelief.

“No, and it doesn’t sound like something I’d want to try,” Auburn admitted. “Sorry.”

“But it’s REEEEALLLLLY good!”

“More importantly, House, you never told us what you meant when you said you were looking for a quarrel,” Auburn said.

“Not a quarrel, the quarrel!” House corrected. “If I find the quarrel my dad would be really happy with me, so I’m trying my best! I’ve looked through every room at home, but I haven’t given up.”

I felt a bead of sweat drop onto my neck. It sizzled, burning a tiny part of my fur off. A few stray hairs flitted towards the ground before turning to ash. If this weren’t a dream, I’d probably have been concerned, but as it was, it would take a tantabus to rattle me.

“You all right there, Sis?” I asked, smiling up at the slightly taller caticorn.

“Y—yeah, I’m fine…”

“Do you know about the quarrel, Diane?” House asked.

“No, not at all! Why?”

For the briefest of moments, the city surrounding us vanished, replaced by a vast, endless, familiar desert.

Don’t let her know! Don’t let her know! Don’t let her know! Diane’s voice echoed in my head.

Auburn and House turned to us, confused.

Hey, neat! Look at me I’m psychic! House thought.

Get out of my head! I demanded.

“So, are you sure you don’t know anything?” House asked, uncharacteristically insistent.

“What I meant is that I know about a Quarrel, but it’s probably not the quarrel you’re looking to solve. Sorry.”

It almost sounds like she’s talking about…

My train of thought was interrupted by the other train’s change of momentum. The gelatin wobbled a bit as we came to a screeching halt, but we were no worse for wear. I felt a squeezing sensation that I would have imagined what being inside a toothpaste tube would feel like. No sooner had I thought it than four pores appeared, ejecting the four of us onto the hardwood floor.

What the?

“Oh thank Celestia! Reinforcements,” said Trusty Stead, who was dressed in a suit. “There’s no time to lose! We’re down one point with five seconds left in the fourth quarter. We were doing so well, but the Monstars started giving real hard fouls and now all of our players are injured. We need some ponies to stand in or else Equestria will… Equestria will—”

“Equestria will what?” I asked, humoring him. After witnessing real stakes in a dream, I doubt anything could get me invested in dream basketball.

“Equestria Will be completely unaffected!”

“Come again?”

“There are no stakes at all. It’s just a friendly match, but we really want to win!”

I rolled my eyes.

“Hurry! We summoned a retired NBA superstar to bail us out—well, truth be told, we were the ones who bailed him out from clear last place in that celebrity golf tournament, but I digress, we’ll still forfeit if we can’t field five players.”

“Neato. I’ve never played human basketball before,” said House.

I looked between to and then to our opponents, who were gargantuan cartoonish creatures.

Yeah, that seems like a fair fight…

“Hey, Trusty, is there any reason why you’re not playing instead of us?” I asked. “Your height is at least within three feet of their smallest player’s.”

“They let me come in as a player coach, but I fouled out three minutes into the fourth. Besides you’re already suited up to go!”
We took a look at ourselves. We all were wearing filly-sized jerseys and a single pair of sneakers, as illogical as that was.

Auburn preened. “I do say I approve of this look.”

“Yeah, I can’t wait to play!” House cheered.

I looked back at Diane, who had been quiet. “You don’t have any comment?”

She shrugged. “What’s there to say?”

“Fair enough,” I conceded.

Trusty shoved the basketball in my hooves. “Anyhow, since Ditzy Doo had to leave due to injury, and the Monstars have chosen you to shoot the foul shots, River.”

“Fine, let’s get this over with.”

I stepped to the free throw line, and as we took our positions the ridiculous height mismatch really set in. Even my tall human teammate was dwarfed by his matchup. Sighing, I took one dribble and tossed the ball at the hoop.

It went through with a satisfying swish.

The minotaur referee tossed the ball back to me and once more I dribbled it and aimed before tossing up another shot.

Wait a minute, I’ve never done this before. Why am I so confiden—

CLANG!

Sure enough, I failed to win us the game. Yet, somehow, miraculously, inconceivably even, House Keeper managed to box-out the blue monster with the unibrow and skyed into the air to grab the rebound.

“All right! WAIT! House! What are you doing!?” I shouted

“Yay! We win!” She cheered, dribbling away from the basket.

“No, House, we’re tied!” Diane shouted. “A free throw is worth one. One! I’m not sure how I know that, come to think of it.”

“Feed the post!!” Our human teammate urged as the monstars quintuple-teamed him.

“What does that mean?” House asked.

“It means give the big guy the ball,” I answered tersely.

With the last seconds running down, House obeyed and somehow got him the ball.

He jumped in the air, five pairs of arms flailing out at him, the ball caught on fire, and he threw itl down with a thunderous almighty slam.

A shockwave rippled down the court as the four of us were sent flying towards the wall on the other side of the gym. Glass shattered and the court caught fire, and for about three seconds the entire arena looked like it was going through a miniature supernova.

Hacking, and rubbing the dust out of my eyes, I struggled to make sense of what had happened. When the smoke had finally cleared, I could just make out five scorched monsters on the ground and a tall figure heading towards the exit.

“Throwing down a Chaos Dunk in a exhibition game? That’s hardly sportsmanlike,” Trusty said, coughing.

“I told you, Ernie, I ain’t no role model.”

“Who’s Ernie?’ Trusty asked, confused.

I would have gawked more at what I had just witnessed, but then the roof caved in, apparently killing everypony still in the building.

I jolted awake.

Well that got strange real fast.


Domestic Anchor briefly pondered the apple in front of her before briskly chopping it into thin slices. It was a strange exercise whenever she thought about it, but for a race as prosperous as theirs sentimentality had a place. It would make logical sense to have a machine do all the cooking, but just like a hand-painted masterpiece, there was a premium on home-cooked meals.

If nothing else it was a status symbol. Conditioning one’s highest ranking mate to be a housewife was something a pauper could never dream of. Honestly, such things were not even in her position to ponder, but quiet reflection was the one vice Domestic allowed herself—the one thing they couldn’t take away from her.

The foal strapped to her back was crying, but he would have to learn that it wouldn’t get him anything in their world. Her last son had learned that lesson quickly, and he promised to be a prodigy who would surely make a great leader someday, maybe even succeeding his father. As a mother she should have been proud, yet…

Domestic sighed. What did I do to deserve this?

She had suspected all along that the mar—females of the world weren’t happy. One of her station had had all the best information, yet she had failed to take action. Now, every day played out with karmic vengeance. For turning a blind eye to the quiet tragedy half the world lived through every day, she was made to pay by bearing that burden herself.

As she let the high-grade synthetic meat simmer in the pan in front of her, she turned her attention to her protruded abdomen. Exactly how many foals had she borne for her husband? Honestly, she had long since lost count after a few centuries. That was her lot in life now as the CEO’s exclusive mate. She hoped that this one too would be a son. Seeing her daughters turn into inoffensive, compliant ladies grew more painful each and every time.

She heard the change in air pressure as the doors opened behind her.

“Mommy! Mommy! I had a really fun dream. I got to play that human sport we learned about in defeated cultures class with the dream fillies. And then—then you wouldn’t believe it! I almost found out about the quarrel!”

Inside, Domestic was beaming. Most of her daughters had given in to their fate by age five, but House Keeper still got reprimanded on a daily basis. As a mother she couldn’t be prouder.

“Child, you know better than to use the word “fillies” at your age. Besides, you are not scheduled to meet with me this morning,” Domestic scolded with little vigor. “You must eat in your room and get ready for the beautician.”

House scoffed. “Yeeessss, Mother.”

Stay the course, Child. For us too, it’s all or nothing.