“So, you’re sayin’ ya got chased out of town? Wow, didn’t realize the ponies in Trottingham were so mean,” Apple Buck pondered, dabbing a hoof at their chin.
Sunny Smiles tsked the young apple. “Now now, Buck, it’s now fair to assume such things of an entire city just because a few ponies made a mistake.”
“Says the town who thought a zebra was out to curse all of you. Oh, and who was it that fixed that again?” Barrett said and gave Apple buck a long wink. To which the colt rose to his full height a smug grin caught tight on his face.
Sunny coughed and rubbed a hoof mindlessly at his throat. “Be that as it may, I do believe you were telling a story, Barrett?” The teacher was met with hushed giggles and a sly smile from a particular human.
“Right well, I think I might skip a bit ahead. I mean, for the most part, all that happened for the next few days was me foraging for food, having a few talks with Smallfry,” Barrett gestured to the filly who nodded back. “Oh, and I fought off a Timberwolf, but anyways, I think I’ll just jump to my second try at first contact.”
Barrett was met with a crowd of wide-eyed, slack-jawed children and a blinking teacher. Barrett tilted his head, eyes trailing overall but Smallfry who sat puzzled by the sudden shift. “Okay then,” Barrett shrugged.
---
“So, you think they might actually let me speak this time, you know before they go right for the pitchforks and torches?” Barrett asked as he pulled a bundle of brush that sat at face level in the old worn trail from his new abode at the Mill to the nearby town.
“I don’t remember any torches. But, I’m sure they’ll give you a chance,” Smallfry said as she hopped about the trail and all about in general.
Barrett sighed and tapped two fingers to his temple with his free hand. “Gee Fry, you really know how to build one’s confidence.”
“Thanks,” The filly replied as she sped up down the trail.
Barrett took a moment to look back down the trail, the trail to the nice safe wood mill, where his nice safety bringing hatchet sat in his nice safe wooden home. He turned and looked back toward the town where even now he could see the beginning of a cobblestone path and the sounds of ponies in masse. If he were gonna turn back, this would be his last chance.
Barrett sighed again, his shoulders drooped, and he took another step toward the humble town of Trottingham and all the potential trouble and torches it may or may not possess.
“Come on Barrett, can’t make any friends from back there,” Smallfry yelled from a way down the path. She waved and motioned to the town. Barrett returned the wave and took another step.
“Guess it’s time to commit, ” Barrett whispered to himself as he strode over the apex of a hill and took in Trottingham in full. The town wasn’t impeccably big, but it was a proper town at least. Rows of various buildings, stone at that, none of those silly straw thatch-roofed homes like from the show. Paved streets intersected in orderly rows in all cardinal directions and in pure, consistent intervals. Ponies walked, flew and rode via carriage in reasonable numbers to and fro without a care in the world.
Barrett gulped his hands shook as he turned to his companion, who for her part looked down at the town eyes jumped from place to place, pony to pony, never staying focused on anything particular for very long.
“Ready?” she asked after she took note of Barrett’s look.
“Nope, but screw it, tally-ho and all that,” Barrett slapped both cheeks and strolled down the hill to the town head held high, a tiny filly by his side. This would work, he would make some friends, he would get some real food, he would be accepted, and that was that.
---
“And then I was arrested, good times,” Barrett mused a hand flicked out to the side as he took in the audience.
“Wow Barrett, you have the worst luck ever,” Silver Bell said. The little colt patted one of Barrett’s knees.
Barrett let out a half snort hands trailing through his hair. “Yeah, well, we haven’t even got to the good part yet.”
“Really?” Scootaroll asked. The little pegasus leaned forward along with several other foals who seemed overly engrossed in the humans’ tale.
Barrett grinned wide, and his head bobbed eyes wide, pupils pulsing. “Yep, you see, that’s when I met the biggest troll in all of Equestria.”
“Wait,” Silver Bell stepped forward brows raised so far they blended with his dropping curled mane. “You met a troll in jail, but I thought they lived under bridges?”
In an instant Barrett’s face dropped, eyes returned to their proper proportion and his smile faded to obscurity. “I was talking about Solaris. You know, cause he is a freaking manipulative, double talking immortal,” Said. Barrett rolled his hands his look wavering between tired and broken. His audience exchanged glances as they tried to process the expression in full. “You know, man, seriously, how am I the only ones who sees it? Whatever.”
“Are you okay?” Smallfry asked.
“Nope, moving on,” Barrett said a smile as broad as he could muster forced onto his face.
---
“Rise prisoner,” the local jackass guard demanded. Barrett sat on a bench far too small for his size. In a cage far too small for his size. In a town far too small minded for his existence. Yep, he’d done it, he’d made tons of friends. You know if you qualified friends as ponies that hated your guts for no real reason.
Either way, Barrett slowly made his way onto his feet, if for no other reason than the ridge of the bench had left a horrid mark across his mighty glutes and it was starting to chafe. “What’s up copper, here for a prostate check?” Barrett asked with a mighty stretch.
The guard said nothing and instead unlocked the door to the cell, where he waved a hoof toward Barrett. Barrett shrugged and slunk out of the cage. He, of course, had to duck to avoid a smarting he totally didn’t need right now, Barret was plenty happy being dumb right now he thought.
The guard pointed toward a door off to the left of the central cell. Barrett glanced over, the door the slightest bit ajar. A dull light shone, but nothing beyond the crack was seeable from Barrett’s current position. “Our lord Prince of Equestion the honorable and noble Solaris has requested to see you,” the guard said with a hard shove to Barrett’s back.
“Wait, the who now?” Barrett asked, face suddenly very pale. Barrett’s mind traversed the realm of his collective knowledge of ponies and whom should and should be in charge. Barrett’s brow ruffled heart a buzz as things seemed to not add up. Equestria was run by Celestia, right, though that was only the canon show. But then again the fans had created just about any possible reality. “Oh my god,” Barrett froze in his spot feet from the door. “I’m in an AU, shiii--”
A sudden heavy shove had the rattled human stumble forward and into the door, which flew forward, Barrett with it. Barrett now shocked from his stupor found an old friend. The unmistakable taste of floor, yep, an old friend indeed. Barrett took a deep breath and revealed in the everyday reality that was being face-first, as sup on the floor. A moment passed, Barrett decided that perhaps that was not the best way to describe his current position.
A sudden polite cough awoke Barrett from his red cheeks and friendly reunion. In less time than it takes to regret one's decisions, Barrett stumbled to his feet and took in the room.
The room itself was rather dull. Hardwood floor, of which Barrett was acquainted, grey stone walls and ceiling and a single simple table with a single unoccupied chair of which was on the same side of the table as Barrett himself.
The other side of the table, however, did host something a bit more stimulating. A rather imposing, well groomed, bearded stallion sat a smirk flickered at the far reaches of his lips. His mane and beard were like one had captured a torches flame and fused them into hair. It was odd but rather regal in some sense, like a lion, but on fire. The stallion was also giant, at least compared to other ponies. He wore a helm of some sort, archaic but practical as well, with what looked to be a crown of sorts embedded to the front. Overall, yeah, pretty much what one would expect from such a thing.
“Prince Solaris?” Barrett asked from his place across the room, where he was less likely to be incinerated, or at least he hoped.
“That’s me yes, and you are Barrett, the horrifying monster, foalnapper of the nearby woods, yes?” The prince motioned for the guard, who had up until now stood in the threshold of the door. With a single nod from the prince, the guard stepped back and closed the door firmly.
Barrett, who had no desire to die a horrible fiery death shook his head, hands stretched out and flailing weakly as he looked about for any possible escape. “I plead the fifth.”
Solaris for all his ancient wisdom and worldly experience had but a single response to such a quaint response. “The fifth of what?”
“You know, like the fifth,” Barrett took to seconds to examine his statement. “Um, I mean I am not nor have I ever been any of those things. I mean, I am Barrett, I was living in the woods, but the rest is just lies and slander.”
A long silence followed. Solaris sat stone-faced, eyes fixed on Barrett’s own. Barrett stood wide-eyed and shaking, eyes locked on Solaris’ own. Seconds ticked by, with naught a sound in the room. Then as suddenly as the silence had begun, it was shattered by a deep bout of laughter. Solaris in that instant lost all regal swagger and instead banged a hood heavily on the tabletop, of which the table stressed and shook as he laughed uncontrollably.
Barrett for his part watched in a dazed haze. He watched the Prince of whom seemed no closer to stopping his mirthful explosion than he did two minutes prior. Barrett felt a sudden warmth that seemed to thaw his frozen muscles. He sighed and strolled over to the free seat and planted himself there, arms crossed as he watched a monarch struggle to regain his composure.
When the prince finally did compose themselves and wipe away a tear that dangled lazily from one eye, he smiled merrily at the human. “It’s been quite a while since I’ve laughed that hard, thank you young Barrett, I needed that.”
Barrett blinked and leered at the monarch. “What?”
Solaris’ smile redoubled as he leaned in and over the table. “Before I arrived at the holding facility you’ve found yourself, guest, too. I ran into the more interesting little filly. One Smallfry, perhaps you’ve met?”
“Perhaps,” Barrett answered his eyes narrowed as he too leaned into the table. “And if I had met such a filly?”
“Then you’d know that no other filly I’ve met in a very long time was as stubborn and bold as her. She held me outside the building and demanded that you be set free. It was truly a breath of fresh air, to see a pony so open and forthcoming with their beliefs,” Solaris leaned back and looked out into nothing as he recalled the conversation. “She truly is quite the fighter I would say.”
Barrett groaned as the scene played out in his head. The tiny little filly facing off against the ruler of an empire. It was like something out of a fairytale. The thought did however as much as he’d hate to admit it, make the human feel just a bit better. “Yeah, I can see that. I hope she didn't get any trouble,” Barrett said drawing Solaris from his revelry.
Solaris waved a hoof and shook his head. “Of course not, I thanked her kindly for her honest intentions and assured her I had no intention of harming you. Which you should be assured I don’t.”
“Oh really, cause your opening line sure didn’t help that cause,” Barrett responded arms once again crossed as he tried to retain any level of coolness.
“I apologize, but I had a feeling, based on what Smallfry said you would be quite the amusing character. I was correct, I think. Besides, It is so rare for me to get to lay down the law on one who doesn't know me,” Solaris said offering a hoof. “Perhaps we should start over.”
“Riiight, yeah, uh, sure,” Barrett against every instinct he had clasped the hoof of the Prince and gave it a single hard shake. “So, what next then?”
“Well--” Solaris never did get to complete his thought, as the door to the room was thrown wide and another stallion marched in, head high, eyes sharp and hoof pointed blindly in the tables general direction.
“Stop right there fiend, you shall now feel the wrath of the night. For I shall destroy any, who would nap away foals and other such villainy,” The stallion in question all be yelled at the top of their lungs. The room shook, as he slowly plodded closer to the table and more importantly toward Barrett.
Barrett had only an instant between the stallion’s decree and the face of said stallion to be pressed firmly against his own. The only sight left to the human was the large teal orbs the stallion called eyes.
Barrett in all his wisdom, with the sudden departure from civility that had been presented with Solaris, decided to do what he did best. He spoke long before his mind caught up to his lips. “You know, for a guy, a really loud angry guy, you have really pretty eyes.”
The tension of the room shattered with the sudden retreat and blush of the newcomer as well as the terribly concealed snickering of Solaris behind them.
“Well Artemis, you sure do know how to woo the stallions don’t you dear brother?” Solaris said, hoof over mouth as he continued to snicker.
Now that the stallion, Artemis had taken a step back, Barrett took in the discombobulated prince of the night. He, in a lot of ways, looked much like the Princess, whom Barrett was used to from the canon show proper. Dark blue coat, long ethereal hair filled with stars and armor that matched the lighter blue of Luna’s shoes, with a black crown. Barrett mused that if not for the deeper voice and bulkier build, he’d have almost thought Luna was putting on a front, or cross-dressing.
Artemis for his part as still blushing, eyes traveled anywhere to not meet either Barrett’s or Solaris’ own. “We, er, I, Brother, do not tease me in front of the monster,” Artemis’ voice cracked as he pointed shakily at Barrett, who was all too happy to wave at the rattled stallion. Which had the prince’s blush redouble. It was an odd thing to see a deep red infect a dark rich blue, but there it was firm upon the cheek of the newly arrived prince and both Barrett and Solaris be known to either had found a source of solidarity.
Solaris waved a hoof at his sibling. “Barrett here is far from a monster dear brother, he has been nothing but sporting since I arrived. I have also been made aware that his, crimes, may have been exaggerated a bit.”
“Truly?” Artemis asked. His gaze darted between Solaris and Barrett who both seemed amused, which only made the Artemis shrink back a bit further.
“Indeed, Barrett, I would like to introduce the stallion behind his pretty eyes, Prince Artemis, my younger brother.” Solaris pointed form Barrett to Artemis, eyes alive with mirth as Artemis pouted at his introduction.
“Nice to meet ya, I guess,” Barrett offered with a curt cough and an outstretched hand.
Artemis stared at the appendage for a moment before offering a hoof of his own. Barrett offered a firm shake and a smile. “You have really soft skin, for a monster, whom I am sorry for assuming had napped a child. Your skin is very soft indeed,” Artemis said with a small smile of his own as he continued to avoid direct eye contact.
Barrett shifted his gaze to Solaris, who merely nodded in return. “Thanks, I guess,” Barrett said as pulled his hand away from Artemis who’d failed to let go at the end of the shake.
“Good, now that we’re all friends, I believe I can return to the point I was making prior,” Solaris said drawing the attention of the room in full once more.
Artemis raised a hoof. Solaris huffed and nodded to his brother. “Yes, Artemis?”
Artemis shifted his gaze to Barrett. “We’re friends, truly?”
Barrett’s face molded from amusement to confusion to apathy faster than most might conceive possible. “Sure, I don’t see why not.”
Barrett had no time to react before he was hefted from his chair and brought into a bone-shattering hug. “Wonderful, thank you, friend, Barrett.”
When Barrett was released from the furry grip of death, he found that Artemis had taken up a position just a bit too close to Barrett for his liking, a serene smile on the prince’s lips, and a miniature heart attack melting Barrett’s heart as he went to excavate himself from Artemis’s attack on his personal space.
With a huff, Barrett returned his gaze to Solaris. “You were saying?” Barrett said.
“Right well, as it stands, you hardly seem like a threat. But even so, I doubt it would be productive to keep you in Trottingham. So, I thought that perhaps it might be best to move you to Ponyville. My personal student and his friends would be more than willing to acclimate you to pony society I think. As long as you don’t mind that is,” Solaris explained. Barrett nodded along, a hand rubbed at his cheek as the geared turned in his head.
Ponyville, that was familiar, it was the very crux of his knowledge base. If he were there, he would at least have an idea of who was who. It was apparent now that most, if not all ponies in this world were gender-flipped from the one he knew. But outside of that, Barrett drifted into deep thought, what point in the story was this, passed Nightmare Moon, but how far. He was roused from his thoughts by the sudden touch of Artemis who’d taken to poking his shoulder.
“Are you still with us? If you prefer the dreaming world, I would be more than happy to commune with you there instead,” Artemis said, another light blush ebbing in across his cheeks.
Barrett swatted Artemis’ hoof away. “No, I’m good,” he returned his attention to Solaris. “That’ll be fine. I was kinda tired of the woods anyway.”
Solaris clapped his forehooves together. “Good, I have a feeling Barrett, that Ponyville is just the place for you. I would almost call it fate. Though we will need to take a brief visit to Canterlot first. Duty and whatnot,” Solaris’ smile was just a bit too wide for Barrett’s liking. The shiny pearly teeth of an equine, perhaps just a tad to predatory to be natural.
‘Riiiight, fate,” Barrett added with a forced chuckle.
---
“And that is how I ended up in Ponyville,” Barrett said with a heavy nod. “The rest, well, I’m sure you can piece that together.”
The foals and their teacher gave a round of soft applause, the foal's eyes full and mystified by the tale.
“That's really how your first time meeting the Princes went?” silver Bell asked.
“Yep.”
“And you really saved Barrett, by standing up to Solaris?” Sootaroll asked Smallfry.
“Uh-huh, Captain Smallfry never leaves a friend behind,” the filly responded, to which Barrett added a pat to the head.
Barrett chuckled as Smallfry swatted helplessly at the assault to her mane. “You’re a brave kid, that’s true.”
“That’s so cool,” The combined voices of the CMC added to the scene.
“Well, I must admit Barrett, that was quite the story. However, I do believe my little ponies here have school work to attend to,” Sunny Smiles said to the collective groan of the children.
Barrett quietly stood and smiled down at the foals. “Listen to your teacher kids, or you'll end up like me, and no one wants that.”
Barrett waved at the children as they ran off to wherever children run off too. That was all the children but Buck and his friends. He took a deep breath and marched off toward the farm, the colts hot on his trails. He still had some sunlight to burn, best not waste it. It wouldn’t be too long before Dusk, and his bunch returned, best not spend the time he had dawdling.
A sudden thought hit Barrett. If the MMMM was finished and the events for this world are even remotely like that of the show. Barrett shivered and cursed the fact that him breaking the rules of plot progression sucked. “Well, maybe I can nudge it in the right direction, “stupid bugs.” hissed under his breath as he and the CMC bound off toward the farm.