Trixie sat atop her wagon, letting her hindlegs swing back and forth over the edge. It had taken her extra long to get home that night; she’d decided to take a more scenic route in order to sort out her thoughts. It was now nearly midnight, the bright stars twinkling in the shadowy sky overhead.
“In love with my best friend…” she muttered to herself, letting the words sink in. She couldn’t believe what she was saying. That is what’s been plaguing her thoughts the last twenty-four hours? Love? Completely ridiculous, at least for her. Before, she couldn’t even imagine a situation where she would fall in love.
And yet, there she was. Upon further rumination, maybe it wasn’t quite as ridiculous as she’d originally thought. After all, Trixie has never really had anyone in her life get close to her before Starlight. Just her mom before she moved out, then a few casual acquaintances along the way that all ended up despising her. In a way, this situation made the most sense. You put a mare in close proximity with a smart, strong, and overall attractive pony and you’re bound to catch some feelings eventually. Perhaps this was even somewhat inevitable.
But still, why did it have to happen to her? Of all the loner ponies that could fall in love with the one most important to her, why couldn’t it have been Maud or something like that? The great Trixie didn’t do well in compromising positions, and this seemed to be the most compromising she could achieve. She either tells Starlight and ruins their relationship forever, or she spends each waking moment in emotional anguish as the mare she loves pays her no attention romantically. If Trixie had read more books, she might’ve called this situation a “catch-22.”
Trixie snatched the bowtie off her neck and threw it on the ground below her. “Stupid me…” she muttered to herself.
“Well, well, well,” a voice called behind her, startling Trixie enough to jump. “Now, I normally would agree with you on the subject, but something tells me you’re not in the mood for admonishment at the moment.”
“Ugh…” Trixie sighed, not even having to turn around. “Why are you here, Discord?”
In a flash, the draconequus himself appeared before her, floating in the air slightly above her eye level. “Oh, I just happened to be in the neighborhood, making my way home from spending some precious time with Fluttershy, when I chanced upon you skulking about atop your trusty, little wagon. Being the generous friend that I am, I decided to drop by and see what was the matter.”
“’Friend’, hm? You’re too kind,” deadpanned Trixie.
Discord scoffed. “Well, if you’re going to be difficult, then I suppose I’ll just be on my way. Wouldn’t want to intrude on a professional crying session brought to you by Ponyville’s most popular low-level magician.”
Furrowing her brow, Trixie asked, “Are you always such a jerk, or is it just to me?”
“’Jerk’ is a harsh word,” Discord replied, inspecting his nails. “I prefer… endearing, laughable loudmouth.”
Trixie sighed and looked away. “Look, I appreciate you checking on me, but I’m not really feeling it right now. I’m really confused, and honestly, I don’t think you’d get it.”
A snap of Discord’s fingers revealed a therapist’s couch floating in front of Trixie, accompanied by Discord sitting in an adjacent chair wearing a sweater, glasses, and with a pen and clipboard in his hands. “Try me. Fluttershy tells me that I’m a surprisingly good listener.”
“Uhh…” Trixie muttered, confused by what she was seeing. “No offense, but I don’t imagine you’ve really dealt with this before. It’s… about love.”
“Well you’re in luck!” Discord enthused. “I happen to be an expert on the subject, you know.” A long, black wig emerged from his scalp, with white and black face paint now somehow adorning his face. “They call me Dr. Love,” he continued, sticking his tongue out way further than Trixie thought he could.
“Ew,” she said, shooing him away. “Get rid of all that. And don’t think I’m just gonna believe all that. I know you better than that.”
“Hmm,” Discord pondered, rubbing the tuft of hair on his chin. “I know what the issue is! It’s all just a matter of location!” He snapped his fingers, and within an instant, Trixie was now standing on the deck of a cruise ship, with ocean water surrounding her on all sides.
“W… WHAT?” Trixie screamed, suddenly alarmed at the sudden change of surroundings. “Discord, where am I?”
Discord appeared in front of her, wearing an all-white captain’s uniform with a black bowtie. “The love boat!” he exclaimed, taking Trixie’s hoof in his hand. “Ah, love. Exciting and new. Now, doesn’t this feel relaxing? The ocean breeze on your face, the smell of seagulls defecating nearby, the sounds of dolphins mating at the top of their lungs!”
“Discord!” reprimanded Trixie. “I don’t want to be here! Take me back to my wagon! I don’t like salt water!”
“Oh, foo,” Discord groaned, snapping his fingers once more and returning everything as it should be. Trixie once again sat atop her wagon, giving Discord the stink eye.
“You really are annoying,” she said, angry that he was making a bad day worse. “I’m having the crisis of a lifetime, and you’re trying to make stupid… stupid jokes over there. It’s really not helping.”
Discord began to count on his fingers. “First of all, you’re only in your twenties. Trust me, you aren’t even close to your crisis of a lifetime. Secondly, absolutely none of my jokes are stupid, and I’m offended that you would even insinuate as much. Finally, as Fluttershy often says…” In a flash, a grotesque amalgamation of Discord and Fluttershy replaced his original head, “Laughter is the best medicine, after all.” He returned himself to normal.
A curious eyebrow was raised. “You’re trying to be funny?” Trixie asked.
“My dear, I am always trying to be funny,” Discord said with a grin. “At least… funny to me.”
Trixie merely looked away, unsure of a way to get Discord to leave. Honestly, in what world could the god of chaos help her with her problem? It’s not like someone as grating as him could get into a situation like this with somepony.
Discord sighed. “You’re right, I may not know a lot about the subject. In my thousand years of existence, I’ve always found love to be a trite, useless commodity that someone like me has no use for.” He swirled in the air a bit, bringing his head a bit closer to Trixie’s. “With all that said, I know what somepony in need of a good talking looks like by now. So, if you’ve got something to get off your chest, say it now, before I get bored.”
Trixie thought for a moment. It was true that she really needed someone to talk to right now. Unfortunately, Starlight was the only pony who she would be able to do so with, and that obviously wasn’t an option. So, against her better judgment, Trixie decided that opening up to Discord would be the best she could do.
“If I tell you,” began Trixie, “you have to promise me that you won’t tell anypony else about it. Got it?”
Discord put a paw to his chest. “Cross my heart, hope to fly, er… something, something, I don’t care.”
“Your integrity is inspiring,” Trixie smarmed. “Okay, well… I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I’ve kinda, sorta started to realize...” She trailed off, unable to say it in front of him.
“Realize?” prodded Discord.
Trixie sighed. “Realize that… I’ve fallen in love with Starlight Glimmer.” She looked up at him. “My best friend.”
Discord grinned mischievously and began stroking his beard. “Re-he-heeeealllly?” he asked, pondering the notion for just a moment. Trixie was already afraid that he was going to tattle. “Now isn’t that interesting? You’ve fallen in love with your best friend, but in an ironic twist of fate, you can’t tell her!”
“Hmm,” grunted Trixie.
“Of course, you could, but doing so could put at risk the friendship between you and the only pony in all of Equestria who’s ever gotten close to you. Now that certainly is a delightful mess you’ve got yourself into, isn’t it?”
“I don’t need the play-by-play of my own situation, Discord,” Trixie spat. “I’m the one who got myself here in the first place.”
“Now you say that,” Discord began, “but we all know how fickle your young pony hearts can be. One minute, you’re spending the evening with someone you trust as a friend more than anypony in the world, and the next, you’re head over hooves in love with her. Just like that, like a… well…” He snapped his finger as Trixie winced, but to her surprise, nothing had changed.
“Blaming yourself won’t do you any good,” he continued, ignoring her reaction, “because as the great poets of yesteryear oft proclaim, ‘the heart wants what it wants!’” He struck a dramatic pose with both hands over his heart, or, rather, where Trixie assumed his heart was. Do draconequi have hearts? He went on. “And while I certainly understand the need to feel at fault here—because let’s be honest, you often are at fault—there was most likely nothing you could do to stop this from happening.
He leaned in towards Trixie. “Starlight was simply the right mare, at the right time.”
He had a point there. It’s not like Trixie made Starlight be so attractive that she wanted to pepper her with kisses at any given moment. Whatever force happened to intertwine the two together, be it fate, divinity, or just plain coincidence, Starlight just happened to be the one mare in all of Equestria that seemed to fit well with Trixie. Still, that didn’t really help the issue at hand.
“Even if it’s not my fault,” Trixie said, “it’s still a whole lot to deal with at one time. I don’t even know how I’m going to talk to her anymore! I can’t just be socially awkward around her forever!”
Discord rolled his eyes. “Honestly, you ponies make things so difficult! Your solution isn’t that hard to surmise.”
“It isn’t?” Trixie asked, assuming the definition of the word “surmise.”
“Of course not!” Discord flew next to Trixie before sitting down and laying his arm over her shoulder. He waved his other hand out in front of her. “The first thing I do when looking at any situation is ask myself, ‘What do I want?’ Which, as we both well know, is the most important thing there is, when it comes down to it.”
He’s not wrong, Trixie thought.
“And once you decide what you want, you take it. Any possible way you can. Now, in my more youthful days, I usually accomplished this through some type of usurping, guerilla warfare, staging a coup on whomever it was that stood in my way.”
Trixie gave him a concerned look.
“Of course,” he continued, “recent years have shown me that there are better ways of doing things, but the fact remains that if I want something, then I get it, and if I absolutely can’t, then I move on. It’s as simple as that.”
Trixie remained unmoved. “But… I can’t just force Starlight to like me back. She might not want me like that.”
Discord ascended into midair once again, seemingly agitated by Trixie’s disagreements. “She’ll only not want you because you don’t think she can.” He pointed an accusatory finger at her. “As the hip, young kids like to say, the ball is in your court, Trixie. Starlight has played her part. It’s up to you to make your move and show that you’re worthy of a fair maiden’s love. You only have to ask yourself: What do you want?”
“I… I still don’t know…” Trixie replied.
“You do.”
“I said, I don’t!” She was starting to get angry.
“You do, and I’ll prove it!” Discord reached behind Trixie’s ear and pulled out a bit. Part of Trixie wished he would do it again so she could make up for tonight’s bill at dinner. “This here is a genuine Equestrian bit. Double-sided, with a horseshoe on one side and Celestia’s symbol on the other.”
Trixie scrunched her brow. “I know what a bit looks like, Discord. I’m not that poor.”
“That’s debatable,” Discord said under his breath. He cleared his throat. “There are only two possible outcomes here: Starlight becomes your paramour, as you steal kisses from one another in an act of contrived romance,” he paused, flipping over the coin, “or she doesn’t, and you’re forced to move on. There is no in-between. You don’t want to live your life forever in this perpetual limbo. Trust me, I live there.”
Trixie’s heart began to race. She wasn’t ready to make this choice already. Not so quickly, not so soon! It felt like her whole life was at stake, and as far as she was concerned, it was. She didn’t know if she’d be able to live with this bottled up in her heart forever.
“I will flip this coin, and you either shout out the outcome you want, or you let fate decide,” Discord said, rolling the coin back and forth between his fingers. “Either way, you get what your heart truly wants. Ready?”
“N—not real—”
“Oops!” Discord launched the coin with the back of his thumb, sending it twirling high in the air.
Oh no! What do I do? What do I say?
“What do you want, Trixie Lulamoon?!” Discord shouted, as the coin finished its arc and began making its descent towards the ground.
“I WANT STARLIGHT!” screamed Trixie, shutting her eyes closed, not daring to look at the outcome. After a few moments of silence, she bravely, yet slowly, propped one of them open to see what had happened.
The bit was floating completely still right in front of her, standing up perfectly straight.
Discord grinned. “That’s what I thought,” he said, before disappearing the bit as if it were never there.
Pain gripped Trixie’s lungs as instinct beckoned her to breathe, not noticing that she’d been holding it the past few seconds. She noticed sweat beaded all over her body as her mind came to the realization her heart had known for a while now.
“I have to tell her…” she said aloud, causing the nerves in her stomach to tighten even more.
“Exactly,” Discord replied, seemingly pleased with his results. “And you have to do it soon, lest you overthink yourself into oblivion. Life has no place for ponies who only say they’re going to do something. You have to actually do it, if you want things to get done.”
Trixie rubbed her arm, unsure of where to even start explaining herself to Starlight. “But… what do I even do? It’s not like I can just go up to her and say, ‘Hey, Starlight? You know how we’ve been super good friends for a long time now? Yeah, I just wanna throw all that away just so I can start kissing you.’”
“Wooing her with a romantic gesture could be a start,” Discord began. “You know, flowers, chocolates, that sort of thing.” He willed a bouquet and a box of chocolates into Trixie’s arms, as she quickly put them aside.
Trixie examined the items. “It’s a good idea, but… I kinda already did that sort of thing for her earlier today.” She blushed, remembering the intense feeling of joy she felt when she saw how much Starlight loved her flowers.
Discord frowned. “You mean, before you realized you had feelings for her?”
“Hehe,” Trixie chuckled, “maybe things were a bit more obvious than I thought they were.”
Annoyed, Discord massaged his eyes and slicked his hair back. “Oy gevalt… Look, it’s getting awfully late, and ultimately, as hard as it is to believe, I’m not you. Thank goodness, too. I think I’d die if I had to roam the country performing tricks as a Z-list magician.”
“Why?” Trixie simmered.
“My point is, you know Starlight Glimmer better than anypony. If anyone can find a way to woo her, it would be you.”
“Hmm…” Trixie pondered. That was a great point. What could she do to tell Starlight she loved her?
“But before I go, I’ll leave you with this parting gift. A pep talk, really. In fact…” Discord thought for a moment before snapping a cheer leader outfit over himself, complete with crop top, mini skirt, and pom poms.
Trixie’s jaw stood agape. “I’ve seen demons, manticores, and an evil lightning baboon, but that is the most horrifying thing I have ever come across.”
Ignoring her, Discord put his pom poms together before pointing them both at Trixie. “Need I remind you, who are you exactly?”
Excuse me? “Excuse me?”
“You there, on the misshapen wagon. Who are you?”
“Uh… T… Trixie?”
“No! More than that! Who are you?!”
“Trixie Lulamoon.” She just wished this dumb bit was over with so she could plan.
“You’re still not seeing it!” Using his magic, Discord lifted Trixie into the air to be at eye level with him.
“Who managed to help thwart an evil Changeling invasion?”
“… I did?” she asked, afraid he might drop her.
“Who convinced Starlight that there was more to life than just being cooped up in a drab castle all day?”
“… Trixie did.” She was feeling a bit more encouraged.
“And who was able to build themselves back up from the nothing that she already was into a slightly less nothing after being humiliated again and again?!”
“That was me!” Trixie shouted.
He placed her back on top of her wagon, now standing as proud as she could.
“Now who’s going to go show that stubborn unicorn what being loved is truly about?!”
“The Great and Powerful Trrrixie!” she yelled, the blood flowing fiercely in her veins. He was right! Trixie wasn’t just some random nobody. At least… not anymore. She was strong! She was brave! And she knew Starlight better than anypony on the planet! Starlight didn’t just need her. She deserved her!
Discord clapped and whisked away the outfit he was wearing. “Now that’s the annoying stage hog that I remembered. Now, before you get me even more involved with whatever hairbrained scheme you’ve got planning, I’m afraid I must pay you adieu. Good luck with your plans, I suppose. But don’t bother telling me how they went. I honestly don’t care.”
Trixie smiled. “Wow, you can be so sweet when you want to be.” With a huff, she hopped off her wagon and made her way to its entrance. “But hey, before you go… thanks, Discord. I’m… ugh… glad you’re my friend.” As true as they were, the words felt like bile exiting her mouth.
Crossing his arms, Discord gave her an acknowledging smirk. “So long, my mediocre illusionist. Have fun pulling a rabbit out of your hat, or whatever it is you do.” With that, he snapped himself out of existence, or any existence that made sense to mortal ponies.
Hmm, Trixie thought, putting a contemplating hoof to her chin. You know, that’s actually not that bad of an idea.