//------------------------------// // Chapter 6 - Class is In // Story: Off The Mark // by Goldfur //------------------------------// I woke up before Steady Flight was due to call me, and I lazed in the luxurious comfort of the awesome bed that I had in my room. I could almost imagine that I was on holiday and away from the office. That left me wondering what my boss thought about me being a no-show for a couple of days. And of course, there was Phil. Had he stopped by my house to try to find out what happened to me? We had keys to each other’s homes, so if he came into my bedroom, would he find the mirror broken on that side too? I missed Phil. Steady was a great stallion and already developing into a good friend, but Phil and I had seen one another on a nearly daily basis since we were kids. It was hard to think that I might never see him again. I was still daydreaming when there was a gentle knock on the door. Considering that Steady must have done the same yesterday, I could only conclude that I had managed to sleep through it because I was so tired. Right now though, I was well-rested even if I was still in bed; that was just plain laziness on my part. It’s not as if I had to punch a time clock now. “Come in!” Steady entered and snickered as he saw me sprawled on the bed with no motivation to move. “So – should I open the curtains again?” he asked. “Don’t you dare! One of these days it’s going to be cloudy and rainy when you come to wake me, and you won’t be able to threaten me with that again.” “No chance of that for a while. The weather team doesn’t schedule morning showers at this time of year. Nothing but bright, sunny mornings,” he added with a mischievous grin. I sat up in surprise. “Say what? They schedule showers?” Steady stared at me sideways as if to determine if I was pulling his leg or not, then he nodded. “Another hole in your memory, it seems. Yeah, the pegasi weather teams ensure that we only have rain when and if we need it. At this time of year, the commercial district relies on a lot of morning traffic, and rain definitely hurts sales. Nothing but sunny days for the rest of the week.” “So, you’re saying that pegasi control the world’s weather?” “Oh, no – just in Equestria and a few other places that hire the services of a weather team temporarily.” And here I thought my world was technologically superior. These ponies could do something that humans could only dream about, and it was so normal that I get weird looks for asking it! Magic for the win, I suppose. What was next? ‘Well, of course, books grow on trees. Where else would they grow?’ I was fully awake now, and my lazy mood was busted, so I heaved myself out of bed… and stayed upright on all four hooves. See that, Mom? Isn’t your son a clever stallion? I learned that trick in just a couple of days! Stop giggling, Mom. I noticed that Steady had brought some clean clothes, so I started getting dressed. This time, my valet slash friend had added a gold-colored vest and matching bowtie. As much as I didn’t like dressing too formal, I liked this combination. “What inspired you to bring this today?” I asked. Steady shrugged. “I saw it and thought you might like it. The castle’s resident tailor said that no one had shown much interest in it so far.” “No one, as in the nobles, I presume?” “Exactly.” “Their loss is my gain. Consider this as a contender for favorite outfit already,” I said as Steady tied the bowtie. That done, he stepped aside so I could look at the result in the mirror. I liked it and it complemented my mane color very nicely, but I still had to ask, “No matching pants?” “The tailor rolled his eyes at me and muttered, ‘Foals!’ when I asked.” Looks like I had to get used to airing my privates for the duration of my stay in Equestria. I just had to hope that the snazzy attire did an adequate job of distracting from them. “Okay, I give up. Let’s go get breakfast.” After nothing fantastically unexpected happened during the morning, I was just settling in next to Trixie’s throne when Twilight Sparkle teleported into the room. “Miss Sparkle!” Trixie called out while waving a hoof. I wasn’t sure why, because the purple unicorn was facing our way and already looking at her. “Miss Sparkle! Do you have any progress to report to the Benevolent and Wise Trixie on your special project?” Twilight’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Actually, I’d like to speak privately with your ‘Grand Vizier’ for a while. I’m hoping he can prove useful.” “Yes, I can see how such a rugged stallion would appeal to you.” I’m not sure which of the two of us gaped more at Trixie, who merely smirked and gave us both a dismissive wave. “Do with him as you will.” Damn that mare and her mind games. I very carefully walked down the few (thankfully) broad steps of the dais and nodded to the unicorn. “Good morning, your… uh… Elementness?” She rolled her eyes. “I don’t think that’s a thing. Just Twilight, please. Come on.” Twilight led me away from the throne and soon we were in a small meeting room – thankfully on the same floor. She smiled pleasantly. “How did your flight lessons go yesterday?” “As well as my ‘stairs lessons’ but with more dirt up my nose.” Her smile faltered and she lowered her ears sympathetically. “Well, give it time. Flying is something that can’t be learned overnight, especially if your species has never flown before.” I shook my head. “Oh, I’ve flown plenty of times, but always as a passenger.” “Ah! So, hot air balloon?” “Nope. Heavier-than-air craft. Fixed wing with two to four jet engines, though sometimes propeller-driven for private planes.” It was actually kind of cute to see her ears prick forward as far as they could go, as if being another couple of millimeters closer would pull in more information. Her eyes took on a hungry look and I could have sworn I saw a little drool on the side of her mouth. But after a moment, she closed her eyes and shook her head. “Uh… As… fascinating as it would be to learn about your heavier-than-air craft, we have to concentrate on the mirror portals.” Her horn lit and a scroll, what looked like a lab notebook, an inkwell, and a quill pen floated out of her saddlebags and arranged themselves on the central table. Doing all of this apparently didn’t require much of her attention because she continued to look at me the whole time. A second scroll and quill pen drifted out of the bag and hung in the air in front of her. “So, to recap what you said yesterday, your portal was one of the two that fell in the very center of the portal room, correct?” I nodded. “I don’t know which one of the two, but it’s fifty-fifty whether it was the one the guard thought he saw glowing after the Royal Sisters left. Now that I’ve had a chance to think about it more, I kind of doubt that mine is the one they took.” She looked up and raised an eyebrow. “I checked up on the world and local news on my car radio earlier that day as Phil and I were driving home, and nothing noteworthy or especially dangerous was happening. Certainly, nothing that would require beings of their special brand of power to deal with such as an asteroid hurtling towards Earth or solar flares.” Twilight’s nose wrinkled as I think she puzzled over some of my words but nodded for me to continue. “Also, their greatest strength is their magic, and as far as I know, there is no magic in my world. Unless there’s something that we haven’t learned about the universe, the natural laws of physics there just might not allow it. The closest we have…” I gave a long, meaningful glance back in the direction of the throne room. “…are sleight of… uh… hoof artists and illusionists who pretend to be something they are not.” She closed her eyes and stifled a laugh. It took her a few moments to get her composure back, then she squinted in concentration for several seconds. “I can’t fault your logic. I’ll start my efforts on the lighter-framed mirror because that’s the one the guard saw glow.” She looked up at me. “I’m sorry if that ultimately means it will take longer to attempt to fix what is more than likely the portal to your world.” I just nodded. I had already figured out that was going to be the case. “Is there any other way I can help with your project?” She shook her head. “Unless you saw them in your world, either in your ‘human’ form or in an equine form, then I can’t think of anything else at the moment.” “So what do they look like anyway?” Her eyes went wide. “Oh! That’s right. Other than the stained glass windows, you wouldn’t know unless you went to the Royal Museum and Art Gallery. In fact…!” Her horn lit brighter and a sheaf of papers and a flat framework holding several crystals appeared next to her. “Would you like me to give you the Introduction to Equestria short course? I’ve had a presentation ready just for situations like this!” She practically danced in place and had a beaming smile. Well, who was I to say ‘no’ to a pretty lady… uh… mare? I sat down at the table to get comfortable. “Sure! As long as there’s not a test at the end!” I winked and gave hopefully my most disarming smile. “That’s a great idea!” A wide beam of white light projected from her horn through the top sheet which had levitated off of the stack. The title slide was projected on the far wall. My smile faltered and I eyed the four-inch stack of papers. What had I just signed up for? “…and other than rumors of a shake-up in the Zebrican nobility, nothing of much interest has happened during the last two weeks. Any questions?” I sat somewhat stunned at the sheer volume of material that the mare had managed to pack into my brain over the last two hours. Only the most pertinent information about Equestrian history, races and their special magic, culture, social norms, arts and science, transportation, and even sports now waffled around in my brain. Each crystal had projected what seemed like a full-color audio-visual hologram of some sort. What was more amazing was that I think I retained most if not all of it. I suspected Twilight had put some sort of memory-boosting magic into the presentation, but I decided it was safest not to ask about that. I knew her type and I didn’t want to sit here another two hours getting the full explanation. “No thank you, Twilight. I can’t tell you how helpful that will be to me, and I don’t just mean for my new job!” I toasted her with the wine goblet in my right forehoof. Wait. When had that appeared? She returned a kindhearted smile. “I’m very glad to help, Mark Wells. It’s the least I can do for a friend.” “Just Mark is good. And thanks for considering me such.” “I’m not only the Element of Magic, but also the Element of Friendship. In this world, Mark, Friendship is Magic!” I had to smile at her enthusiasm. She obviously believed that to the core of her being, and who was I to doubt how crazy the laws of magic were in this crazy world? She took out a new blank scroll. “Actually, I have a million questions about you and your world, if you don’t mind answering some of them.” I thought about it. Lunch recess wasn’t for another couple of hours yet judging by the sun streaming through the skylights. And she had really gone all out to help me, so how could I say no? “Sure. Fire away.” “OK, thanks!” That same beaming smile. She leaned over her scroll, quill ready. “So let’s start with what you did in your world. What was your profession?” I stammered a bit. “Ah… it was a job that was very much tied into the different technology we have there. I don’t know if there’s an equivalent here I can use for comparison.” Her ears seemed to focus in on me even more. “Oh, that’s fantastic! Why don’t you start with some of the base concepts that underlie the technology?” I thought back to my classes at college. “Okay… So imagine a series of switches, but minuscule in size… just a few hundred atoms across—” “And how are these manufactured? What materials do they consist of?” Another scroll and pen levitated out of her bags. She was using her magic to scribble on both scrolls simultaneously while keeping her eyes and concentration on me. “Do you really want me to go off topic and tell you about that?” Her smile was like a little kid who just got told she could go into the candy store she had been looking at her whole life but now was allowed to buy anything her heart desired. Her eyes were wide and quite literally sparkled. Huh. If that’s the look she gave her parents, maybe that’s how she got her name. “Okay. You start by growing a wafer of pure silicon crystal, polished perfectly flat…” …Two hours later... Twilight was waving a foreleg now as she walked around the table. Her eyes were wide and unfocused – an expression I was getting quite used to. She now had at least twelve scrolls and quills levitating around her, madly scribbling down who-knows-what without slowing down our conversation. “Ah! I get it! So it isn't until the program is run before the determination is made what code to use for a named function! So if the shape object is assigned to be a square during run-time, then the perimeter method called would return four multiplied by the side length. And if the shape is assigned to be a circle, then a different set of code with the same method name returns pi multiplied by the radius squared. I can see how powerful that is! You no longer have to fix the type of shape at compile-time!” I blinked. I was having trouble believing how quickly this mare had devoured the concepts of semiconductor theory, circuit design, discrete mathematics, machine language programming, higher level programming and compiler design, and now object-oriented programming. Also, she had an uncanny ability to ask questions that led to the next area I was going to cover. This was a serious Brainiac, and the more she was intellectually stimulated, the faster she would pace and the more wildly she would wave a hoof around. If she had her goblet in her hoof at the time, this would lead to a rain of red wine around the room, sometimes landing on the scrolls. I took a peek at one of these and the stain had been carefully outlined with the caption: “Chateau Inglehoof Select Reserve Merlot. Two Sisters Year One. Moderately tannic with hints of raspberries. 3.5 out of 5 horseshoes.” I looked up and saw the sun was directly overhead. I stood up from the table and stretched my muscles, sore from so much sitting. “…and that answers your first question of what it was I did in my world… with maybe going down the rabbit hole of tangential discussions once or twice.” She ignored my attempt at humor and continued to walk around, muttering to herself. “Anyway, it’s time for the mid-day recess. Would you like to join us for lunch?” More mumbling and pacing. I can’t say I was surprised at a scientist in the grip of discovery ignoring any mention of food. I’d just take my leave then. I moved up closer to her path. “Well, thank you for the discussion, Twilight. I hope you found it enjoyable.” And that’s when I found out what a pony kiss feels like. If I hadn’t been so shocked, I might have enjoyed it more. Then in a flash, she was gone. A few seconds later, she teleported back in just long enough to take all of her stuff with her this time. What was I supposed to think about that? This was something absolutely not covered in the slideshow. I trotted back to the throne room to see Trixie turning around to sit back on the throne. She smiled. “Ah, Lark Quells! So good of you to join us again. I am sorry that you missed out on your salad, but the Thrifty and Considerate Trixie had your butler eat it so it would not go to waste.” ‘Considerate?’ I thought to myself. I climbed the dais and stood impassively next to the throne. OK, lady. Two can play at this game. I didn’t have long to wait. “So how was your rather lengthy meeting with Twilight Sparkle? She is quite attractive, is she not?” I sighed dramatically and thought back to our four-hour conversation. “Wow. We went all over the place. And I know she doesn’t look it, but she’s quite the kisser.” Silence. Blessed silence. Again, I knew I only had to keep a straight face and wait her out. “How interesting. Tell us more.” I turned to look at her and gave an apologetic shake of my head. “A true gentle-stallion does not speak of such things.” I turned to look back towards the doors that would soon open for the afternoon petitioners. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Trixie slowly turn back to face forward as well. She cleared her throat and put on her regal airs. “The Benevolent and Powerful Trixie orders that Day Court resume!” The afternoon session was educational but otherwise unremarkable. Much credit goes to Raven Inkwell for instructing me in the unfamiliar topics as we discussed what our advice to Trixie should be. The court was closed and Trixie departed immediately without a word of thanks to either of us. Not that I expected any. I headed off to my room with Steady Flight following close behind. I had hoped to kick back and relax, but as soon as I had removed my clothes, the stallion pointedly made his way over to the bay window. “Must I?” I whined. “I have a job to do, and you need to get your wings back,” he replied firmly. I sighed but I knew he was right. I walked over to the window, trying for a more positive state of mind. I was a pegasus, and while I had never learned to fly, that was something this species lived for. I could do this! Unlike the day before, I felt calm and collected. I sensed that maybe, just maybe, the force of Harmony that wove through everything in this land had found a place for me. My wings rose of their own accord, I opened my eyes and tried something different. Instead of just pushing my own magic through my wings, I tried to reach for a balance. To feel the magic that was within and to match its strength exactly with what I sensed around me; to be in perfect resonance with Equestria. This time, I didn't bounce off the ceiling at all. Instead, my wings dragged my face along the tiles for a dozen feet, then propelled me in a barrel roll over the railing. That became a tight turn through some sort of fruit tree, several rose bushes (the kind with thorns), and finally another one-point landing – this time in a fountain. With my face still half-submerged in the water, I heard the sound of a pegasus coming to a landing beside me accompanied by the more distant guffaws and hoof-clopping of that damn mare again. “Are you alright, Mark?” came Steady’s voice. I barely understood him through a haze of pain and dizziness, but I raised my head to respond. I felt water pouring off my head and I muttered, “I thought you said it wasn’t going to rain today?” I then slumped back down. Steady chuckled. “Any pegasus that can respond like that after a crash-landing will be fine with a bit of rest. Frankly, I’m impressed. You show a great deal of flight power, but you have yet to re-learn how to control it. I’m surprised that your instincts haven’t kicked in yet.” I groaned. If I was supposed to rely on my instincts, I was screwed because all mine were human. My greatest talent seemed to lie in falling from heights, without style. “Let’s get you out of there. I think Princess Trixie has gotten her laughs for the day.” He heaved my sodden self out of the fountain and somehow managed to lay me across his back. Mercifully, he did not try to fly us to my room. As he trotted through the damaged gardens, each hoofstep jolting my aching head, I admired the sheer amount of detritus that had been left in my wake. The gardeners were going to be horrified, and I wondered what would happen if they learned who the culprit was. “Steady?” “Yes, Mark?” “You do have more of that whiskey, I hope?” “Half a dozen bottles, actually.” “Good stallion.” # # # # # # # # #