//------------------------------// // Chapter 4: My Parents // Story: Hello, My Name is Air Marshal // by CrackedInkWell //------------------------------// Every Saturday (my day off) I faithfully practice a little ritual in which I would fix up some potato salad and head over to see my parents for lunch. However, being an alicorn, I had to figure out a way to get to their apartment without anyone trying to stop me to worship the bowl of cold potatoes in my hooves. So, I came up with a plan in which sounds something like out of a spy film.         First, I had to set up a dummy on the couch that was made up of pillows, rope, a mophead, and an empty ice cream cone. All of which I laid it down on the couch with a blanket on to cover it up while turning on the radio. After that, I placed a glass of orange juice, a wad of tissues and some pills by the table. Then to complete the illusion, I let just enough light in through the windows to make it look like I was having a sick day.         Next, I had to slip out in the backyard (locking the door this time) and dig my way towards my rendezvous point with a taxi that was a few blocks away. From there with each stop, I had to hop onto another carriage from taxi, to taxi, to limousine, to taxi, to go-cart, to bakery cart, to a rental self-propelled helicopter, to parachute, and then to a taxi. I had hoped that maybe doing all this transportation acrobatics might throw off the trail of anyone that’s trying to follow me. All the while, I held onto that bowl in plastic wrap as if it were a national treasure.         Yet, even with this traffic gymnastics, I was still able to arrive at my parents’ apartment complex on time. As one of many of them that were made near the edge of the cloud city, each one is a cookie cutter building with balconies out in front with few decorations to put on these enormous blocks. However, I knew very well which one of these bland buildings, which floor and which apartment that my parents lived in.         And so up the stairs and down the hallway to knock on the door. Within a moment, my Mom, Aqua Pipe, answered unlocked the deadbolts and opened it. Now, if there’s anything you need to know about my mother is that she takes no bull crap from anyone and no one. Be it a lie or your own stupidity, she will be the first to come and call you out on it. In fact, as soon as she opened the door and saw me, the first words to come out of her mouth were: “Thanks for leaving the hospital before we could arrive.”         “Well hello to you too, Mom,” I replied stepping in. “I brought the potato salad.”         “Is that Air?” I hear dad’s voice coming from the kitchen. He entered into the dining room/living room to hug me. This was his usual greeting, not just to us family but to anyone, friends, co-workers, public officials, anypony really. Aerate Guide, my dad, used to lead construction teams to build the hotels in Las Pegasus until he retired but treated everyone he meets as if they were longtime buddies.         In response, I hugged him back. “Hey, dad. Where do you want the salad?”         “Just give that to me.” He said as he took the bowl. “Still, your mom is right, where were you? We found out that you were in the hospital only to find that you just walked right out.”         “Hey, I didn’t know you were coming. Plus, I had to hide in public because they see me as a god or something.” I went over to collapse on the couch. “In fact, I had to switch in twelve different taxis just to make sure nopony was following me.”         “I take it that you have fans now?” Mom asked.         “And a cult that won’t get off my lawn? Why yes I do.”         She gave a little bit of thought for a moment before answering, “To be fair, if I had that kind of attention that won’t leave me alone, I probably would be paranoid too.”         “So, I’ve been meaning to ask,” Dad said as he placed the potato salad on the table. “How are you faring?”         “Apart from being mugged by ponies that want to either have my picture with them or to have foals with, going incognito, having a cult that worships my toaster and I get taxi rides for free all because of the horn from my head – not so bad.”         While my parents were getting out the food to be placed on the table, Mom commented, “Ya know, since you have a horn now, don’t you think you should learn how to use it since you have it?”         “Like who?”         “Ms. Spades downstairs, Layout Design from the grocery store, the Princesses maybe. Just ask anypony with a horn.”         I raised an eyebrow. “The Princesses? If I recalled, one of them got me into this mess, to begin with.”         “Now wait a minute.” She trotted over to the couch, looking straight down at me. “Last time I checked, they tried to offer you to become a prince, as well to teach you a bunch of other stuff.”         I groaned. “Mom, I won’t say yes to it.”         “Why not?” she questioned.         “I know that I’m smart enough not to get into politics. And even if I was, I don’t think I’ve earned anything to run a country.” After a snort, I added, “Besides, if I did, I’m pretty sure that Equestria would be on fire within the first five minutes.”         Mom, however, wasn’t buying it. “So? Have you seen our politicians lately?”         “Oh yes, because if there’s anyone that pays attention to current events, it’s me.” I deadpanned.         “Maybe you don’t need to become a prince,” Dad suggested. “Since you’re an alicorn now, I think it might be best to go to the princesses to at least give you the basics like magic and such.”         “That’s actually a good point.” Mom agreed. “Even if you feel unworthy for the job, you at least should ask them some pointers while they’re still in town.”         “I don’t know…”         “You might as well,” Dad told me. “Even if you don’t think you’re worthy, you might as well ask them about how to deal with whatever you’re going through. Now, can you go out to the balcony? I got carrots and onions that are caramelizing on the grill.”         Getting up, I grabbed a pair of tongs and a plate before I opened the glass sliding door to step out.         “OH THERE HE IS!!! THE CHOSEN ONE HAS EMERGED!!!” Shouted the army of voices. Looking straight down, to my horror, I found the entire cloud that the apartment complex rested on was completely swamped in ponies in white sheets and horseshoes on their heads. There were so many of them that it was a miracle that we haven’t capsized over. As soon as I saw them, I darted back into the dining room and closed the blinds.         “What was that?” Mom asked.         “Remember that I’ve mentioned about a cult that’s on my front lawn? Well, they’ve multiplied.”         “Huh?” Dad peaked through the kitchen window and gave a low whistle. “It looks more crowded than a Sapphire Shores concert.”         “Hang on,” Mom said, “are these the ponies that…” she paused as she didn’t see me. “Air?”         Peeking out of the closet, I told her, “Let me know when they’ve gone away.”         I saw Mom frowned. “Son, you can’t expect to be in the closet forever.”         “As long as those fruit loops are still out there, oh yes I can!”         “Air. Ugh…” She facedhoof. “This is getting ridiculous. You’re a full-grown pony, just go out there and tell them to go away. And if that doesn’t work, then call the police.”         “To tell them what? That there are worshipers following me because they can’t think for themselves because I’m an alicorn?”         “It’s called taking responsibility.”         “No, it’s called suicide if I step out that door.”         “Oh for the love of…” I watched as she marched over to the sliding doors to pull open the blinds and push the door open to calling out. “Now you all listen here! He’s not the chosen one, he’s a very stubborn colt! Now go away!”         “WHO ARE YOU?!”         “I’m his mom, that’s who!”         There was a pause, no doubt to look at one another before exclaiming. “BEHOLD, HIS MOTHER! BEHOLD HIS MOTHER! OH, HAIL SHE, MOTHER OF A GOD! BLESSED ART THOU! OH, PRAISE SHE! NOW AND ALWAYS!”         “Mom! Please step away from the crazies!” I called out from the closet.         “Now hold on a second,” Dad said as he did the not so smart thing and stepped outside, “What do you want?!”         “WHOSE HE!?”         “My husband.” Mom not so smartly said, which caused me to impale the closet door with the horn.         As expected the fruitcakes cheered: “BEHOLD HIS FATHER! BEHOLD HIS FATHER! OH HAIL THE PARENTS OF HEAVEN!”         “Oh for the love of…” I got my horn unstuck as I came out of hiding just in time to see the factory producer of nutcases, Euphoria hovering near the balcony where my folks were giving them something from a sack.         “Mom, Dad, get away from him!” I told them as I stepped through onto the balcony.         “Ah, my Lord.” Prophet Off-His-Rocker grinned. “We were so worried that you were ill. But thankfully we found you here in good health and with your blessed parents.”         “What are you doing?”         “Isn’t it obvious?” He said as he lifted the sack. “I’m here to give you and they these offerings from your devoted followers.”         “What offerings?” my parents and I asked at once. Eagerly, I put the sack on the floor of the cloud balcony and took out five different bottles of really expensive wine; an elaborate candy basket of more chocolate bars, hard candy, soft candy, liquorice, candied fruit, candied vegetables, and sweet syrups in wax bottles than you could possibly imagine in one oversized basket; a box of incense (the same kind that smoked me out the other day); and some random stuff such as a hoof-stitched doll of me; a book of hymns; a fruit basket; and the rest were horseshoes.         Mom asked what was with the horseshoes. “They are a symbol of our Lord’s Cutie Mark. A holy symbol of humility, hard work, and simplicity. Oh! And I almost forgot.” He reached into the back and before I could react, he put a leafy hat on my head. “For you, my Lord.”         “Huh…” I looked up at what was placed on me. “What is it?”         “A crown made out of our most sacred herb. The holiest of plant that has been woven together for you to show our devotion.”         Taking the thing off, I had a closer look. Even dad looked over my shoulder and said, “I never seen a plant like this before. Where did it come from?”         “Straight from the Bahamares, flown overnight and carefully delivered from one of its island’s most sacred herb.”         “Which is?” I raised an eyebrow.         “The Island of Mary-Eye-Wanna.”         It should be noted that as soon as I heard that, I immediately gave it back to him. “Are you trying to get me arrested? Isn’t this stuff illegal?”         “Not if it’s for religious prepossess it isn’t. Everypony knows that you could do practically and say anything you like that as long as you cite it has a religious reason, it makes it okay, silly god.”         My eye twitched. “I’m not a god, would you please listen as that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you! I’m not a god of anything! Honestly!”         He smiled. “Only a true god would deny his divinity.”         “What?” Mom spoke up. “What sort of logic is that? My colt is many things, but a god isn’t one of them. So why don’t you take his word for it?”         “I say he’s a chosen god,” he replied, “I should know, I’ve followed a few.”         “Look, buddy,” Dad stepped up, “as much as we appreciate the gifts and the literal cult following, you should give him some space. And instead just give the attention to us.”         “Dad!”         “What? It isn’t every day that you get a multitude that gives you free stuff.”         “Ooh!” Prophet Weed-Smoke-for-Brains wagged his tail like a dog. “Then we could have two more rooms for the temple I have in mind.”         This catches Mom’s attention. “You’re building a temple?”         “Well… not yet. Still, need to scrounge up some funds and all that. But I vow that we would construct a grand temple for you three to dwell in. One of gold, and horseshoes, and sacred herbs that will last for a thousand years.”         There was a moment of silence when Mom raised a hoof. “Would it have cable TV?”         “That and more.”         Both Mom and Dad looked at each other for a brief moment before both saying: “We’re in.”         “Mom! Dad!” I complained. “What are you doing? These guys are nutcases.”         “Nutcases that would give us a better retirement than this place.” Mom said as she waved a hoof. “We’ve been working our flanks off all our lives and nothing like this ever happens to us.”         “Besides…” Dad looked over the multitude of cuckoo birds, in which as he waved, they waved back. “They seem nice enough.”         “Oh c’mon!” I whined. “Aren’t you the same guys that taught me that stuff like this should be earned?”         “Sure.” My Dad replied. “But we also believed in karma, that if we do enough good enough things and worked hard at our honest jobs, then something good will happen eventually. And I must say that this might be one of them.”         “Dad, this isn’t out of hard work, this came about from a freak accident!”         “I agree.” Said a new voice. We were so busy going back and forth that we failed to notice the golden chariot being pulled up with a white Alicorn in it. “Oh, and by the way, something is burning on the grill.”         “Oh crap!” Dad swiftly turned around the grill, lifting the lid up to the smoky remains of charred onions and carrots. “I can’t believe I have forgotten all about it.”         “My Lady,” Euphoria said turning to her, bowing, “such an honor to have you-”         “Say another word of praise and I’ll impale you.” It was kinda surreal to have Celestia, motherly figure and sunshine incarnate to say something so threatening. Thankfully, this did manage to shut him up as he turned to me. “We have been looking all over Las Pegasus for you, and I was hoping that my sister and I would like to have a word with you before we return home to Canterlot.”         “If this has anything to do with becoming a-” She lifted a wing.         “I promise you it’s nothing of the sort. I just wanted to talk.” She then turned to my folks. “These are your parents, I presume?” They nodded. “Oh, I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything important.”         “Well, except having lunch being burned and the freak show down there.” I waved over to the multitude of ponies. “Nothing much.”         “Ah, I see. Here, how about we have lunch where my sister and I are staying. It would give us some privacy and you still get to have a meal.”         After a quick glance that Mom and Dad give, my parents hopped aboard the flashy chariot. And with a sigh, I told them that I’ll go get the potato salad.