Celestia didn't know if there was such a thing as a good death, but all said and done, Rarity's was probably as close as you could get. Spike was there, thankfully he was still small enough to fit in a normal sized room, and she was comfortably nestled in Celestia's arms. She had no pain, she wasn't ill or wasting, it was just her time. The princess had soothed her and stroked her silver mane, it didn't matter that the purple had long gone because she was still beautiful, she'd always been beautiful. Spike had her hoof in his hands. For such wicked looking claws, the dragon could be so gentle when he needed to be. How many of us get to go out simply falling asleep in the arms of the one they love most in the world? And yet.
It wasn't good enough.
She was the last of her generation of elements. Magic, laughter, loyalty, honesty and kindness all found new bearers while generosity outlived them all. Celestia had been there for each one. She'd still seen the excited unicorn filly in the eyes of the dying Twilight Sparkle, she didn't know that there was a pain worse than that until now. To Celestia, Rarity could have been any one of the elements, she could have borne them all. Now she didn't have a single one. Some filly or colt would take up the mantle and be celebrated as a hero. Luna could hold the court that day, Celestia never wanted to see anyone else wear that necklace for the rest of eternity.
They should have all been with her, but they weren't. The entire kingdom should have stopped and mourned, but it didn't. She should still be with Celestia now, laughing and joking and as full of life as she was so many decades ago. But she wasn't.
The day it happened was the first night Luna had raised the sun, and the day after had been the second. It was coming up on a week now and she still hadn't touched it. When the light truly leaves your life, nothing really compares anymore. Celestia had found it was the first time she could stare into the star and it not be blinding.
Rarity had been given a state funeral, as was fitting considering all she'd done. If it weren't for the fact that she was saying goodbye, Celestia could have destroyed the entire procession. A bunch of snivelling sycophantic aristocrats who'd had thought the relationship 'inappropriate' from the start. She'd have put any or all of them in cold dirt if it would make Rarity breathe again. But it wouldn't, so she didn't. Instead, she stood and suffered a litany of half-hearted, mumbled consolations from prince and princess or duke and dame whoever from wherever. She wondered if they were glad. Now the princess could stop her 'frivolities' and get back to matters of state. If any of them did, they were smart enough not to say it.
She'd looked like an angel, hooves crossed over her chest with a blue rose between them, wearing a delicate white gown and tasteful jewellery. The princess had hated that gown, it wasn't designed by her and it was not something Rarity would have ever worn in life. It was a lie, just like the stupid jewels and ugly fake flower. The only true thing throughout that ceremony was the smile on Rarity's lips. She'd died nuzzling the princess while wearing it. It was the smile she reserved for Celestia, and another part of the princess that was buried with her.
The sound of a minor scuffle outside her chamber doors shook Celestia from her thoughts, no doubt Spike having to barge his way past the guards again. She had told them no visitors under any circumstances and each day they hadn't dared to stop an eight foot dragon from getting past them, she wondered if they had even tried.
"Celestia?" he called after knocking. There was no edge to his voice, just concern. He was so sweet, he always had been, "I'm going to stand outside for a few minutes. If you want to talk, just let me know."
She thought back, it was a week now. Maybe today was the day. Groggily, she rose from her bed. The air in the room was stale, her coat matted with sweat. She walked to the door on unsteady hooves, and marvelled for a moment about what a week of not using them did. It was all so very fragile. She grabbed the door handle and pulled it open, just a crack. Spike was already looking at her when her eyes adjusted to the light.
"Thank you for checking on me Spike, it's appreciated."
"I don't want thanking," he said, pain bright and fresh in his eyes, "I want to know if you're okay."
The concern in his voice touched her, and she was already so very delicate. She wanted to tell him that she was doing okay considering the circumstances and that he didn't need to worry. However the words stuck in her throat, lodged beneath the sob she was suppressing. Tears welled in her eyes and she realised she wasn't ready to talk to anyone yet.
"I... I'll talk to you soon Spike," she managed to choke out before closing the door and retreating back to bed. Despite spending the entire week lay there, she didn't remember the last time she'd slept. The exhaustion caught up to her and Celestia finally felt herself drifting off. She didn't want to have any dreams, she could share that with Rarity at least.
Luna came that night, just as Celestia knew she would. The second she'd heard that Spike had actually seen the sun princess she'd be the very next knock at the door. If guards can't stop big scary dragons, they have no chance at stopping big scary princesses. Thankfully Celestia didn't wake for that. When she finally stirred, Luna had been holding her for hours.
Celestia's eyes fluttered open and the concerned face of her sister came into focus. They didn't speak for a while, Luna stroked her hair just like Rarity used to do.
"Did you cry for her?" Celestia whispered,
"I cried for you both," Luna replied sadly, and the white alicorn found herself wracked with sobs even as she willed against it. She clung on to Luna, desperate for something tangible. Even after thousands of years she learned knew things all the time, and today's lesson was the true form of how someone could be a rock in a storm.
"Its not fair," she spoke into Luna's chest.
"I know," came the reply, her sister's voice tender and caring.
"...I wish I could go with her."
Maybe one day, a long time ago, Luna would have slapped Celestia for even saying such a thing. 'What a terrible thing to say, you must live on, she'd want you to live on' she'd have bellowed and it would have all been terribly passionate. The only difference between that Luna and this one was so many thousands of years.
"I know."
Celestia fell asleep for the second time in her sisters hooves, and thank god she still didn't dream.
The second time Luna and Spike visited was the first time Celestia raised the sun again.
She had cracked her door before dawn to tell whichever guard had the watch to let Luna know. She didn't actually go out on her balcony, but then she'd never actually needed to do that. A show for the populace was the last thing she was concerned with at the moment. Later that morning her PA, a bookish unicorn named Dip Quill, called through her door that the city was rejoicing to see her golden magic move the star again. It was very clear the mare was trying to sound less worried than she was. Celestia ignored her.
She rose and, for the first time in recent memory, telekinetically drew open her curtains. The room wasn't quite as bad as she'd imagined. Thankfully, considering she'd barely left her bed, the only actual mess were the creased and chaotic sheets she was sat on. Her eyes came to fall on a framed picture of her and Rarity from many years ago. They were in a photo booth, Celestia was pulling some goofy cross-eyed face and the unicorn was looking at her. Her amused expression was deep and rich with affection, and more than that contentment. She remembered when the stares when they had left the stall to collect the pictures, each giggling like schoolfillies.
It stung a lot more than she had been ready for. She forced herself to keep looking at it, until finally the figures were too blurred through her tears. That was how she spent the day, wandering her room and weeping over everything that reminded her of the seamstress. She felt like a trapped ghost, and shouted away every guard that tried to come and check on her.
It wasn't until quite later that Spike and Luna's voices began to approach. She couldn't make out what they were saying, but gathered from their curt tones that they were currently going through the farce of getting past the guards.
"Sister," like last time, the voice wasn't exasperated or angry, just gentle and kind, "It's me and Spike... can we enter?"
For the first time since, Celestia found a part of her did actually want them to come in. She opened the windows to freshen the room because grieving or no, a princess kept her courtesy. She turned back to her bed and pulled the door open with a golden flare. As she settled back down, the princess heard them both come in and close the doors. Once she was back on her new throne, she saw them properly.
They could clearly tell she had been crying, and she wasn't prepared to go through the indignity of trying to convince them otherwise. It was Spike who came over first, he wordlessly pulled her into a hug and Celestia had to admit it actually felt nice to have some physical contact again. When he pulled away, he regarded her with a tender smile and wiped a tear off her cheek gently.
"I'm always here if you need me," he said before turning to leave. Before going through the door he shot Luna a sympathetic look, and Celestia felt even worse. He was sure to be grieving too, and she had not once gone to him. Maybe it made her selfish, but she still knew it wouldn't make her go to him anytime soon. Luna, on the other hoof, had always loved Rarity but mainly for how happy she made Celestia. Maybe that was why Spike had left, the princess didn't have to feel any obligation to her sister.
"It was a beautiful sunrise sister," Luna offered, ignoring the unimpressed look she got in return, "I know, I know. They're all the same, right? But truly, this one was beautiful. Sometimes I get so caught up in wishing our subjects loved my moon more, that I forget to watch the sun rising."
Luna levitated a pillow and set it in place next to Celestia, before hopping onto the bed and settling down with her. She turned her attention to the picture of her sister with Rarity, still clutched tightly in shimmering golden magic. Wordlessly, Celestia relinquished her hold on the object and found gold immediately replaced by indigo. Luna looked at the photo affectionately and draped a wing over Celestia's back. If her sister was grateful for the contact, she didn't show it.
Celestia tore her eyes away from the treasured photograph and instead looked at Luna, she seemed to be struggling with something. Her brow was furrowed and she swapped her magic hold for her hooves. Her grip was tight as she stared deeper, it almost looked like she was trying to pull something out of it. Celestia knew the feeling well. Luna's mouth fell open and closed several times, feeling the way around unspoken words.
Say it Luna, please just say it.
"Sister I... I just..." for a very brief moment, she looked like she was going to cry, "I just want you to know I'm always here for you, no matter what."
The first time Celestia managed to smile since Rarity's passing was when Luna turned to her, misty-eyed and desperate. It was weak and fleeting, but it was genuine. That'd have to do for now, she thought.
The first time Celestia managed to comfort someone else since Rarity's passing was when she pulled the trembling younger alicorn into her arms and allowed her to silently weep into her chest.