//------------------------------// // III // Story: What Have I Done // by Aesculapius //------------------------------// What Have I Done Chapter 3 The Balloon came to a rest gently on a green near a gigantic stone hall that was strongly reminiscent of a Cathedral. Twilight Sparkle opened the basket’s door and stepped out. He was reasonably pleased that they had entered through what he assumed were the palace gardens: “I’ll be nobody’s damned circus attraction, thanks.” He muttered to himself under his breath. The lizard- Spike- turned his head slightly as if he heard Bernard, but said nothing. Twilight Sparkle looked back at Bernard and asked: “Well, are you coming?” He started. “Right.” He muttered, and stepped out. It was a short walk to the massive wooden door of an entrance, and they covered it in silence. They passed the guards, who seemed relatively familiar with Twilight Sparkle, and opened the door so that they could pass into the hall. Bernard looked around at the highly impressive murals and massive, beautifully designed vault and despite himself felt slightly impressed. The huge chamber echoed well, and his footsteps and her hoof steps seemed very loud to him as they drew closer to the Princess. She was a tall, graceful looking white mare, with a pastel colored mane that flowed continually as if there were a gentle breeze passing through, even though the chamber was airtight. At 30 feet away from the Princess and her guards, Twilight Sparkle stopped suddenly and bowed deeply. The Princess smiled and looked at Bernard in curiosity. Although he hadn’t been intending to bow to any damned horse, she emanated such a strong sentiment of regality that he stooped his head slightly before looking at her again. She turned to Twilight Sparkle and asked: “Tell me Twilight, who, and what, have you brought before me?” Twilight Sparkle responded respectfully; “Princess, this is Bernard, a ‘Human’, who had asked to see you.” “Very well, then.” She replied. “Well, Bernard, why have you asked to be brought before me?” He realized, after all, that he didn’t really know. He had simply assumed that she would know why he was there. “I-I, uh, don’t really know,” he admitted uncomfortably. She looked slightly confused. “Then, we’ll start with finding out what you are and how you got here.” He waited a moment before responding. “My name is Bernard Petrolli, and I’m a human, from the planet Earth-“ She interrupted him. “What is this- Earth?” He stared at her, at a loss for words. “It-it’s where I live,” he said slowly. She didn’t look particularly encouraged by that, but proceeded on. “Please, continue. Could you tell us how you got here from...” “Earth.” Twilight Sparkle provided. He thought back to what felt like days ago, even though it was only hours. “I…I came here through a-a science experiment…I went through a black hole.” They looked at him quizzically. “Would you please elaborate on that?” the Princess asked. He recalled what Bradley had said as he was sucked into the black hole. “Oh…hell…. there was an electrical current.” He said slowly. “It was sent through my body in…in a high enough frequency so that the individual atoms of my body…turned into energy, and then were pulled in- into the event…” He trailed off, not remembering what it was that he had been pulled into. “Black hole?” the Princess guessed. “No…” He replied in consternation. “Event horizon,” Twilight Sparkle said. He and the Princess looked over at her in surprise. “Yes,” He confirmed. “How did you know what he was talking about, Twilight?” the Princess asked. She blushed. “I read it in one of the scrolls in the Accipitrem wing. Princess Celestia nodded, as if that made sense. “Yes, that would explain it. But I thought his theories were all rejected.” Twilight Sparkle looked kind of embarrassed by this. “Well… I had read mostly everything else that was interesting.” Princess Celestia laughed at this. “Of course you had, Twilight.” Abruptly, she turned her attention back to him. He frowned, because he had been relatively happy with being ignored. “Now, the question is: What do we do with you? I assume you cannot go back.” “Only if you have an electrical power plant and a wormhole... err… creator” He sighed. “I’m afraid not.” She replied. “So, then, again the question: You have no home, know no one here, and no means of providing for yourself, no?” He decided to be bluntly obvious: “Lady, I have no house, I sure as hell wouldn’t know any sentient Ponies, because as of yesterday I would have been convinced that they don’t exist, I don’t belong here, have no job, and, finally, I’m covered in dirt.” With great surprise, he saw Princess Celestia looked sympathetic, not angry at him. Frankly, he was shocked. “I can provide almost anything you need here, at Canterlot, but perhaps, you may wish to reside somewhere else, as the Ponies here can be, well…stuffy.” “I wouldn’t care one way or another.” After a pause, he admitted: “As long as they stayed the hell away from me.” She smiled, which surprised him again. “I assure you, they would not. Perhaps you would be better suited at a place that is slightly more accepting to outsiders than the aristocracy of Canterlot.” She looked at Twilight Sparkle. Twilight Sparkle smiled- a little flustered, for some reason. “I would be honored to take him in, your highness.” Princess Celestia frowned briefly: “I can’t help but feel unoriginal having you do that, Twilight, but thank you.” He decided to speak up. “Not that I don’t appreciate the hospitality… but I don’t care to spend the rest of my life in someone else’s house.” “An understandable sentiment.” She replied. “I will provide you the materials to make your own home, where you may please.” Slightly confused, he asked; “Aren’t there… ponies that make houses for other…ponies, here?” “Only if the buildings are official buildings.” She replied. “Alright.” He replied. He was more surprised than unprepared, given that his father had been a carpenter. “Very well, it is decided.” She spoke, looking at Twilight Sparkle. “You will be host to Bernard as long as he needs, Twilight?” Twilight Sparkle smiled. “Yes, Princess.” She smiled back at Twilight. “Thank you, Twilight.” Twilight turned to leave. “Come on, Bernard.” He glanced back at her. “…Right,” he muttered distractedly. As they exited the hall and the massive wooden doors closed behind them, he decided to ask Twilight Sparkle what he had noticed. “Twilight Sparkle?” “Please, call me Twilight,” she smiled. “What?” He thought about it a moment more. “…Never mind, Twilight S- Twilight.” As they arrived back at the balloon, Spike called out to Twilight; “So, Twilight, where is he going?” Bernard personally thought that the way Spike had said that was rude, but he reconsidered almost immediately after he realized who, in fact, he; Bernard, was- incidentally, he was a giant asshole- so he said nothing. “Bernard is going to be staying with us until he makes his own house,” she responded cheerfully. Spike looked slightly suspiciously at Bernard as he replied: “But, Twilight, h…” Spike trailed off. “What’s the problem, Spike?” Twilight looked at Spike confused. “…Nothing,” Spike finished. Bernard understood immediately. He had already identified himself as an outsider and a stranger, but more importantly, he had identified himself to be an asshole. And while he wasn’t exactly proud of that fact, he wasn’t about to deny it. “I understand him, Twilight.” He spoke up as they entered the basket of the balloon. “Frankly, I’m an asshole. And you- you’re not. I don’t want to impose myself in your home, because I shouldn’t be there at all.” She looked him in the eye with a hint of determination. “You are going to stay in my house as long as you need. I really don’t care if you are an asshole. In fact, I accept and acknowledge that you’re just not a nice person. But you’re going to stay in my house, because even… even assholes deserve decency. And Ponyville isn’t a land that turns people away. Ever. It has had a long, treasured history of upholding the two ideals that it was founded by: Love and Toleration. And I intend to uphold those ideals as well as I can, just as I hope any citizen of Ponyville would in my place. You see?” Slightly shocked by the generosity she had extended, he chuckled in surprise. “Well whoa, now, Charles Dickens.” He said. She looked back at him confused. “Charles Dickens?” “A writer who couldn’t decide when to stop.” He explained, vaguely waiting to see that she would get it. Her eyes lit up moments later. “Oh, I get it!” Then she frowned. “Wait…I get it.” He couldn’t help it. He chuckled, if only for a moment. * * * The balloon descended gently on the grass in front of a house that looked very much like the first house he had seen in Ponyville. Thankfully, it was late, so there weren’t any ponies out. Twilight led him in, followed by Spike, who still hadn’t said much, but no longer looked at him suspiciously, at least. “Well, this is my place.” Twilight announced. “Your room is up that ladder and past mine and Spike’s beds. Bernard stared at all the books surrounding them before he glanced back at an expectant Twilight. “Uh, yeah, that’ll do.” He said distractedly to Twilight. Climbing up, and entering the room that had been hidden by the walls, he closed the door and took off his shoes, dress shirt, and coat. He laid down uncomfortably on a bed made for 4 foot long ponies, and said shortly: “Good night.” He waited a few moments, and heard Twilight sleepily reply; “Good night, Bernard.” turning to his side, he closed his eyes as he heard Spike say; “Good night.” Bernard had so far been taken back by the kindness shown by the few people he had met, and completely surprised by the fact that Twilight had already opened her home to him. He realized how tired he was, and shortly, fell asleep. Morning broke, and as one of his first conscious senses of the day, Bernard felt a heavy weight on his chest, constricting his breathing. He opened his eyes barely, and saw something pink before closing them again. Then, he snapped his eyes open. A pink thing sat upon his chest, looking directly at him with an absurdly happy grin on her face. He stared at her for a moment before screaming: “What the livid fucking hell?!” and launching himself and the creature apart from each other, him falling on the ground and her flying out the door. Falling on the rock hard wooden floor was not an enjoyable experience, and he groaned in pain. Not a second later, his groaning was interrupted by the thing literally standing on his solar plexus and saying in a high, creepily cheery voice: “Hi! I’m Pinkie Pie!” “ARGHHH!!!” Was his only response as he once again launched himself and the creature off the floor, only this time with the thing latching itself onto him with an iron grip and not moving an inch. “Get this goddamned thing off of me!” He screamed in absolute terror, desperately attempting to pry the demon spawn off of his flesh. It was of no use, as the creature clung to him like an octopus intent on holding onto its prey until the very end of time. “Pinkie!” he heard another voice yell. The creature released its iron grip almost instantly, happily replying; “Yes, Spike?” innocently. Bernard collapsed on Twilight’s bed, gasping for air as Spike spoke: “Twilight said you could wake him up. Not try to give him a heart attack. Are you alright, Bernard?” “Fine.” Bernard gasped. “I just wanted to welcome him to Ponyville!” the creature known as ‘Pinkie Pie’ said happily. “Alright, just don’t constrict his breathing, next time?” Spike said, exasperated. “Okie Dokie, Lokie.” She replied, and bounced out of the room. Spike looked over at Bernard. “Sorry,” he said, slightly amused. Bernard shook his head forcefully. “I-I don’t wanna see… that damned thing… ever- ever again. Ever.” Spike laughed. “You’ll get used to it. To be honest, she kind of grows on you.” Bernard stared at him with insane eyes. “So does a flesh eating bacteria!” “Yeah, I guess.” Spike laughed again. “Anyway, come to the kitchen- Twilight made breakfast." He took a final, shuddering gasp of air, and stood. Come to think of it, he didn’t feel nearly as old as he thought he should- in fact, he felt maybe 15 years younger here. Another thing- it was noticeably easier to walk and generally move around here. He climbed down the ladder and walked into a door which he hadn’t noticed last night and was greeted by a smell that was incredibly delicious. The smell of eggs and bacon wafted over to him and his mouth watered instantly. But the moment was interrupted by the ‘Pinkie Pie’ jumping in front of his face and saying: “Ha! You’re funny! I like you.” “Gah!” He grabbed the creature, opened the nearest window to him, and threw it out of the window. He hoped with the hopes of hopes that it was dead. “Bernard!” Twilight Sparkle said in horror. He looked at her in triumph. “Don’t- don’t worry, Twilight. That godforsaken thing can’t hurt anyone now.” She looked at him in bewilderment. “You just threw Pinkie Pie out a window!” To his horror, he heard giggling outside. “Oh-oh god.” He said. Twilight looked at him in approval. “Well, at least you’re sorry for what you’ve do-“ “It can’t die!” he said in terror. “-ne.” She finished, with an emotionless look on her face. “Look, Bernard. Pinkie Pie isn’t demon spawn. She’s just… a little… overbearing.” “She tried to kill me! She’s like a boa constrictor! Slowly choking you to death while all the time looking completely innocent!” She sighed, and leaned out the window. “Pinkie Pie?” “Yes?” giggled the pink horror. “Can you come in and greet Bernard calmly, this time?” “Okie Dokie, Lokie!” the creature repeated. An instant later she was right next to Bernard. “Hi!” She said. He had to restrain himself from picking her up and drop kicking her thousands of miles away. He slowly, painfully replied: “H…hello.” She immediately snapped her attention away from him and onto Twilight. “I hate to miss eating your super yummy food, Twi, but I really need to get the shop ready for the day.” Twilight looked at her in amusement. “You’re sure you don’t want anything before you go, Pinkie?” “Welll…” She deliberated for a moment before scooping up half of everything on the table with her mouth and resuming her spot next to Bernard. “Okay! Fee you later, guyf!” And disappeared with a pink puff of smoke resembling her shape. He stared at the smoke in terror. “Did- did she just eat two plates along with 15 pounds of food?” Twilight and Spike both laughed. “It’s not damned funny! That thing is a- a- monster!” That just made them laugh harder. * * *