//------------------------------// // Yo Ho Yo Ho // Story: The Road Trip of A-Holes! // by Sense of Humor //------------------------------// “Must be attacking mercenaries sent by The Sovereign,” Nebula went silent, waiting with held breath as more screams sounds from outside, along with different noises. The cyborg shared a look with Maud and Groot as the cacophony of chaos continued in the background. “They sound like they're winning...but there must be a lot of them. Your friends won't last much longer.” Maud didn't say anything for a while, preferring to listen for any screams or shouts that sounded like Derpy. The expressionless pony suddenly held up her gloved hooves and the entire ship vibrated lightly. Nodding to herself, she looked up at Nebula. “Stay here with Groot. I'll go help them,” A robotic hand latched onto her shoulder before she could trot a few hooves ahead. “They might ambush you in the cover of darkness. Or worse, they'll capture your friends and use them to get to you.” “I am Groot.” Groot nervously wrung his tiny hands and blinked up at Maud. “I am Groot.” Maud shrugged. “That might not happen, Nebula.” “There's still a chance.” Nebula looked away in deep thought, but suddenly turned back to her. The glint in her one remaining eye seemed to speak for her--she had thought of something foolproof. “I...I have an idea. But I'll need you to play along with me, or you and your friends could die.” Maud grimaced, but just the slightest. “Okay. What is your plan?” Nebula smirked. “Are you familiar with the concept of deception?” Derpy would have never guessed she'd be so into bringing pain to her enemies. Most of her life had been spent as a simple mail pony who was kind to everyone, never once thinking a mean thing about any pony (okay, maybe one or two things but really small things). She just did her job, hung around Doctor Hooves a couple of times and ate muffins when the occasion arose. All in all, she just lived her peaceful existence the way she wanted to live it. She wouldn't have considered harming a fly, even if it was a really pesky fly. But now, as she joined her extremely violent Racoon friend on his adventures, she began to see the potential in her for dangerous antics. Something about these mildly heroic acts against the forces of space pirates made her feel energetic and happy. Sure, she didn't want to kill anyone (and for some reason Rocket didn't set off any lethal traps yet) but the urge to cause some damage pushed her forward. Derpy was already smiling widely as she helped Rocket to set up four individual sub-detonators in the path of an oncoming army of Ravagers. The duo hid high up in the trees and snickered to themselves as the Ravagers approached. “Oh man, they are walking right into the shit! “ Rocket guffawed to himself, simultaneously unsheathing the trigger. “I know!” The pegasus giggled to herself, but forced herself to silence when they walked closer. “Oh shh! Shh! Here they come!” They watched on in giggling anticipation as the large group trampled over the detonators in search of their furry foes. When they were all assembling over the sub-detonators, Rocket finally pressed a button on the main detonator and the ones below suddenly flared to life. The pirates had no time to move, let alone react; every last one them were catapulted into the air by an explosion of blue energy and electricity. The furry duo whooped with laughter as they all soared into the night sky--at least thirty feet into the air before gravity slowed them down and yanked them back to the ground. Snickering loudly, Rocket passed the main detonator to Derpy and slapped his knee when she chortled and pressed the same button again. The screaming pirates were thrust skyward once more but, much to her amusement, she noticed that another pirate group in the distance was blasted into the air as well. She pressed the button a few more times. “Oh man, look at ‘em fly!” Rocket wheeze with laughter, especially when their enemies were slapped by the ground one again. “I know!” She leaned back against the tree trunk and giggled to herself. “It reminds me of the time when I accidentally set fire to a mail order of dynamite I had!” “You can order dynamite on your planet?!” The Raccoon snickered. “Yeah! We're insane that way!” They continued to laugh and watch the show unfold for a little longer, for even a few minutes. Eventually though, Derpy pointed out that any more rough landings might actually kill them and even though Rocket didn't care in the slightest, he’d respect the pony's wishes to keep them alive. One final fall had the pirates put into a state of unconciousness and Derpy helped the Raccoon back down the tree. He led them through a nearby clearing, chuckling to himself along the way. “You know, I gotta admit,” He shrugged. “You surprised me.” Derpy beamed alongside him, chest puffing out. “I did, huh? How so?” “Well, here I was thinking you were just some stupid horse with stupid eyeballs...You're still a stupid horse with stupid eyeballs.” Rocket explained, amusement rimming his voice. “But you're not half bad. You'd make a good sidekick for me, or a guinea pig at the least. You got...moxy.” Derpy stopped in her tracks. “I have what?” “No, wait. That's not the word I'm looking for...Is it?” He stopped too, and went silent for a long while. Then he grinned broadly. “Yes! Yes it is--That is exactly what I was going for!” Before Derpy could grin any wider than she was now, the distinct sound of weapons clicking got their attention. The duo turned in time to see two Ravagers approaching them slowly, their guns aimed directly at them. Rocket snarled, but Derpy quickly shook her head. “Don't worry, Partner. I got these two.” The Raccoon rolled his eyes. “Don't push it, D--” Derpy shot forward with surprising speed, whipping her hind legs into the face of the first one and causing him to shoot down into the mud. She yanked the other one into the air with a few strained flaps of her wings, and then let him drop right back down on his head. Rocket soon remembered to close his mouth when she settled back down on the ground. “Well, I'll be. What kind of moves were those?” “Oh I kinda just flailed around, really. I was aiming for that guys stomach and I was gonna carry that other one into a tree branch.” She winced and drew her left hind leg up into the air. “Ow. I think I pulled something, too. Or maybe it's just cramping.” Rocket waved her off. “Eh, just walk it off. You'll be fine.” A sharp whistling noise sliced through the night air, and Rocket's fur stood on end before he could mentally register what the sound was. Sure enough, he spotted a red streak whipping it's way around trees and bushes as it zipped closer to them. Cursing under his breath, the raccoon tensed as a familiar arrow stopped just centimeters from his head. “Derpy, do me a favor and don't move,” Derpy blinked owlishly at the arrow, before wincing again. “Yeah, but my leg is really cramping up.” “Trust me, just don't move. We're surrendering,” “We are? Aw, man!” “Hey there, Rat!” Oh, Rocket would know that scraggly voice anywhere--not to mention the nickname. Sure enough, the big blue leader of the Ravagers walked out with a small squad behind him. His short red fin sat arrogantly atop his head, almost arrogantly as his yellow toothed smile. Rocket flashed an equally nasty grin. “Hey there, ya blue nutsack. How's it going?” Yondu chuckled. “Not so bad! We got ourselves a pretty good little gig here! See, this golden gal with quite a high opinion of herself has offered us a large sum to deliver you and your furry freak pals over to her, because she wants y'alls heads on a pike!” The Ravagers started to laugh amongst themselves as they assembled around the two, picking darts out of their head or groaning when they weren't chuckling. All forms of laughter left them when they suddenly noticed Derpy hopping in place and grimacing deeply. Yondu's smirk fell slowly. “...The ‘ell is she doing?” He glanced at Rocket. The Raccoon would have responded, but Derpy beat him to it. “Sorry! Sorry! I know you're being intimidating and all, but I have REALLY bad leg cramp right now--Can I just walk in circles around Rocket?” Kraglin poked his head out from behind somebody. “Uh, walkin’s gonna make it worse.” Someone else piped up. “Yeah, just lie down, stretch out the leg. That helps it.” Another one also spoke. “Yeah, that helps my corn when it gets like that.” “Yer corn ain't been hurt a day in yo life!” “You callin me a liar?!” “I ain't callin you a Truther!” Yondu fought to keep himself from rolling his eyes, and another grin rose on his face. “I tell you, it was pretty easy to find y’all. I put a tracer on your ship back there… during the war over Xandar. Kept an eye on you the whole time.” Rocket growled to himself, but kept from using anymore insults. “Look...Just...give me your word you won't hurt Groot,” Reluctantly, he remembered the others. “Or Derpy and her friend...and I'll tell you where the batteries are.” “In case you didn't hear it correctly, Ayesha wants you, Rodent.” Taserface laughed aloud. “Everyone here is dying either way.” “And you know for a fact that my word don't mean diddly squat.” Yondu rolled his eyed at Rocket. “Lucky for you in this case, or else you'd actually be going to Ayesha.” “...wait, what?” Derpy said from her position on the ground. “You’re not gonna kill us or sell us off or anything?” “Hell naw. We'll just take those batteries,” Yondu pretended to count on his fingers, not noticing the strange looks of his crew. “They're...what--A quarter mill on the open market?” “A half mill for the black trade,” Rocket said helpfully. “A HALF?!” Taserface shouted, great amounts of spittle flying from his mouth. “The Priestess said she'd pay us a full million! A half is only one third of that!” Everyone stared at him for at least half a minute, before another Ravager spoke up as well. “He meant to say only a quarter mill,” He paused and added angrily: “Wait--A quarter ain't enough to buy a pair of boots!” “I once bought a muffin with a quarter of a bit,” Derpy offered. “The point is, we ain't stupid enough to help kill the Guardians of the Galaxy! The whole dang Nova Corps would be on our tails!” Yondu interrupted in frustration. He didn't seem angry with his crew, but rather trying to prove a point in the face of a mob. “Quill ain't been the best of us, but we ain't gonna sell him or his gang off like dogs!” “Quill?!” “This is about Quill?!” “That ain't right!” Kraglin angrily stepped forward, fists tightening with passing second. Even Yondu seemed mildly surprised with his appearance. “I just gotta say it this one time, Cap'n... No matter how many times Quill betrays you, you protect him!” The Ravagers all cheered loudly at that remark. “ You act like none of th’ rest of us much matter! I'M th’ one what sticks up for ya!” “Kraglin,” Tullk frowned deeply in his direction. “If you stick up for him, y'would--” “Damn straight, lad! He ain't the same as he was before--He's gone soft on us all!” Taserface scowled darkly in his leader's direction amongst the agreement of the Ravagers. His hand went his weapon in it's holster. “ Suppose it’s time for a change in leadership!” Youndu whistled his arrow into the air, posing it dangerously while everyone else suddenly unsheathed her weapons. A chorus of clicking guns filled the air, and that was followed by blasters charging in the blink of an eye. Different Ravagers, torn apart by the subject of Yondu, yelled and barked at each other while aiming at the heads of their fellow pirates. Derpy quietly crawled over to Rocket and poked his leg. “Should we sneak away while we still can?” Rocket nodded silently and took a step to the left. A strange blasting noise shut everyone up, followed by a few surprised gasps and an electric sound. The duo looked up to see Yondu standing in complete shock, immobilized by some unseen force. His fin was gone thanks to a blaster from behind, and wires sparked from atop his skull until he finally toppled forward into the ground. Rocket stared at the unconscious pirate and then slowly looked up to see who shot him. Nebula shot the blaster again, incapacitating Rocket with the effect of a taser. Derpy gasped in horror; the cyborg had Maud slung over her shoulder, with a red smear dripping from the pony's forehead and Groot clutched tightly in a hand. Maud's eyes were closed, but her face had the slights of pain engraved in it. “M-Maud?” The Pegasus flared her wings in growing outrage and dawning fear. What could she do? What could she do? “Hello boys,” Nebula grinned and shot her blaster again. A blue blur hit Derpy's chest and the world went black. “I have a proposition.” “Did you have to shoot Derpy?” Maud asked in her usual monotone uncertainty. “That seemed...unnecessary.” Nebula rolled her eyes as she clicked the chain into place, for some reason hoping that it wasn't too tight on Maud. “She was panicking. Some one else could have shot her with a more lethal weapon.” She stood up when her work was finished, her hands on her hips. “This way, she lives to see another day.” “I suppose that's logical. These chains…” Maud tried to lift her left foreleg, but could barely lift it a few inches off the ground. “...won't the one around my neck suffice?” “Deception is a key factor, Maud. We have to be careful about how this is staged, or we won't have a ship to get off this thing.” The Luphimoid reminded her and cautiously allowed Maud enough time to walk down the hallway. Friends didn't pull each other's chains, after all. “And we'll be stuck here with your friends.” “How long will this take?” “Not long, I hope. “ Nebula sighed to herself, hearing the sounds of the Ravagers laughing in the background. For your friends’ sakes.”