//------------------------------// // The Punny Joke // Story: The Station // by Corpse //------------------------------// Unknown planet, NSS Cyberaid, 2562 10th of February 12:42 Joseph Anderson, Captain Ah... so tranquil, so peaceful. The wind on my face, the grass under my body, I just want to jump into the river, who needs clothes when you have the sun? I just want to stay here forever. "Good morning crew, I hope you had a great nights sleep," said a rather robotic sounding lady... why is she here? Shouldn't she be on the station? As I stare into the sky, I see the sun slowly turn white, and more angular. What in the world? Then, I realize I'm not lying on my back, when was I sitting upright? Slowly, I realize the beautiful green world around me was turning more and more grey. And then finally, I woke up. After a bit of aimlessly looking around, I realize I was dreaming all of it. Boy does my back hurt, why did I sleep in the chair? As I get up, I thought about what Cali said yesterday, apparently the atmosphere was similar to earth, so I decide to go outside, just for a little bit. While trying to open the airlock, I see that most of the crew appear to be awake. Once I finally got my ID and show it to the Airlock, I try going towards one of the exits, keyword is 'try'. The moment I set foot outside the bridge, I feel my foot step on something soft, and then I slip. And land on my back with a resounding 'smack'. "You can peel it in your bones, eh Cap?" I hear the annoyingly high pitched voice of our resident clown, before he starts laughing like his life depended on it. I could even swear I heard a few other crewmembers giggling at my misfortune. I swear I am gonna kill that bloody clown. But thankfully, his mirth doesn't last long until a blue blur raced down the hallway, smacking right into him before I could even say "Fuck you asshole." "H-Hey! It was just a prank miss," said the still smiling clown. "Can it, as a Blueshield Officer it is my job to protect Command and CentCom VIP's from threats, which means you are in trouble," I heard her triumphantly say. Deciding I had spent enough time as the new floor mat, I start getting up. "Oh come on, how about I tell you a joke. A police officer blamed his poor choice on arrested development, but his superior said that excuse was a cop out," he said, giggling before he even finished the joke. "Yeah yeah, tell that to the warden why don't you," she said before handcuffing him and walking away. Why couldn't the doctors heal him last, or better yet just leave him in Cryosleep. And to make matters worse, the Warden had a strange soft spot for him, hopefully this time it can at least keep him away for a few hours. Deciding to get on with the rest of my day, I start walking towards Arrivals. As I continue on my little adventure, I see the station was looking rather clean, only a few shards of glass every now and then. Most of the crew also seemed to be healed up, working on their respective jobs, almost everyone always running, never walking. As I start nearing the exit, I see through the reinforced windows a beautiful green land, similar to my dream. Getting excited, I also start making a mad dash for it. Once I reach the External airlock, I quickly slammed my ID into it. It opened painfully slow. When it finally opened, I smelled the wonderful, clean air, not like the sterile air of the station, but one with a hint of rain. After I had my time, I started looking at the perimeter the CE's engineers where setting up. It was a chain link fence , every now and then there where towers looking above the fence. Ah the power of Rapid Construction Devices. Well, I am famished, I wonder what the cook is making. Equestria, Dodge junction, 1156 AC 21th of June 13:13 Silver Sword Sometimes, I regret joining the Royal Guard, I spent so much of my life training for aerial combat, only to never use it. Sure, many fillies and colts idolize them, but that doesn't beat the feeling of inadequacy. Besides, most of the foals nowadays want to be like the 'Elements of Harmony', they are national heroes, sure, but some of the guards, including me, did envy them quite a bit. I was thinking it will be just like an average day of waiting for nothing like usual, when suddenly someone knocked on the door to the guard house. Thinking it was another old mare who lost her purse, I slowly start trotting towards the door. However, whoever they where, they where pretty impatient, as their knocking kept getting louder. "I'm coming, calm down for celestia's sake!" I yell. Once I open the door, I was about to yell at the pony responsible for it, until I see it was a pony wearing a distinct golden armor, a Royal Messenger. Slightly shocked, I just stood there, until he quickly gives me the scroll and said "This is coming directly from the Captain of the Royal Guard. Would it be alright if I stayed for a bit, the flight from Canterlot took almost 4 hours." He said, I simply nodded and let him in. A scroll, straight from the Captain? This felt too good to be true. After he finally got ahold of himself, he decided to call the rest of the guards. Since almost nothing ever happened, the six guards stationed here decided on a very effective plan. Out of the six of them, only one will be waiting near the door, while the rest slept, if a job that took more than only one guard has come up, then the someone else will be woken to keep watch while the required number of guards dealt with the problem. So right now he had to wake up 5 different guards. Some of which become quite cranky when they lost their beauty sleep, great. 13:20 After one particular female guard just wouldn't wake up, I made a very bad choice, and decided to pour water on her... Well, good thing our armor is enchanted. Once I finally managed to gather all the guards positioned here, I started to fill them in on what happened. "So, you're telling me that, the Captain of the Royal guard, sent us a letter... lowly grunts who are stationed on such a small town that some maps don't even have it on them?" asked the same mare who almost made me griffin food. "Yes," I sighed. "look, the messenger has shown me his insignia, it's all real," I tried to tell her. "What happened to the messenger?" Hammer asked. "He left after he regained his strength, said he had more jobs back at Canterlot" I explained "Well, instead of just arguing, lets read the contents then," said the new recruit, Shiny Spear. "Fine fine, I'll believe you, just read the scroll already," said the forever sour Sunny Skies. Clearing my voice a bit, I started reading it out loud. "I, Captain of the Royal Guard, Golden Shield, hereby order the guards of Dodge Junction, to scout the nearby area for any unusual activity, if any activity is detected, the you will report at the soonest possible convenience to inform me. After that you will keep an eye on said object and send daily reports straight to me." After I finished, we all just sorta stared at it. "Well, that was vague as tartarus," said Sharp Skewer. "Couldn't agree more Skew," Sharp's brother, Glaive spoke. "Well, I guess we should start getting ready for our search huh," Shiny said with his voice full of enthusiasm. "How about we split into groups of two?" I said, it was probably the best option we had at finding anything fast. "We got nothing better to do, I guess," Sunny replied, actually looking happy for once. Once we agreed to start our search at 14:00, we got straight to getting into our uniforms. After some waiting, we where all ready to go. I wonder what we will find?