//------------------------------// // Sunset // Story: Too Close to the Sun // by Echo 27 //------------------------------// Our first day saw us going through numerous inspections and offices, not a moment spent on actual duty like Sergeant Coal and I had expected. When we arrived at the Royal Guard’s headquarters, we immediately received orders to head to the company’s Quartermaster. ”Why wouldn’t we just use the armor and equipment we already have?” I asked as we made our way through the courtyard. “Looks, I guess. The Princess’ Royal Guard has to at least seem better than everyone else.” “Are they?” Sergeant Coal shrugged. “Guess we’ll find out. Come on, let’s see what we’ve got.” When I first became part of the Solar Guard, my company on the Outer Wall was known as a ragtag unit that often received the hand-me-downs from other units, and the Quartermasters’ domain had barely been larger than a broom closet. The complete opposite greeted us as we entered, greeted by a pristine, well-kept armory in a room similar to an old wine cellar. The weapons shone, sleek and sharp, ready to kill at a moment’s notice. The armor, devoid of the dull gold so often seen in the Solar Guard, was instead a bright shining crimson, with a pale gold sun across the chestplate. “You two soldiers the newest members to the unit?” said a burly man, coming from behind a rack of gleaming axes. “I was told to expect you, welcome to the Royal Guard. Have you been fitted yet?” “Uh, no, not yet,” Sergeant Coal said uncertainly. “Were we supposed to be?” “Of course. Didn’t you both receive measurements when you became part of the Solar Guard?” Sergeant Coal looked as bewildered as I was, both of us only familiar with the ways of the Outer Wall. If this was the norm, we had certainly never seen it. The Quartermaster gave a dreary sigh. “Cutting corners everywhere we go,” he grumbled. “Stay here for a bit, I’m going to go get the seamstresses. They need to start getting you measured for your new uniforms.” “New- new uniforms?” I asked. “Oh sweet hell.” In no time at all, Sergeant Coal and I found ourselves ushered into a room covered with mirrors, a trio of older women diligently measuring our every dimension. From waistline to arms to shoulders and things I wouldn’t have even thought to measure, they worked, occasionally making a remark to one another. “This one’s shoulders are too broad, he’ll need extra dimensions.” “This one’s sleeves are overlong. We’ll have to bring them back an inch or so.” “Too baggy in the waist. Tell me, darling, did you lose weight?” About twenty minutes later I, along with Sergeant Coal, found ourselves holding a bundle of temporary uniforms, finely crafted and light to the touch, along with a single sheet of paper that had our uniform orders written on them. “Simply give these to the Quartermaster,” we were told, “And your new uniforms and armor will be here in no time. Expect a wait of about three days.” Sergeant Coal gave me a look of pure puzzlement, I not faring much better. It was such a drastic change that neither him nor I knew what to make of it. “Is this normal?” “Damn, I hope so,” he answered. “One hour into this job and it’s better than the past six years I spent on the Outer Wall.” The next few days were spent in training. The time I had once spent on weapons training and strength training was suddenly filled with a number of studies: ceremony, decorum, how to present ourselves before the Princess, where we would sit and stand- and even how to sit and stand. It was a game of showmanship that we were being forced to learn, though we were promised that the additional training with weaponry would happen in due time. “You are part of the most elite soldiers in the kingdom,” our Commander told us, a kingly sort of man with a shock of bright red hair named Hearth Fire. “The training to readily defend Her Majesty will come- but the need for such things is rare. Your primary responsibility is often to ensure the splendor and majesty of Princess Celestia remains a constant. You are a reflection of her people, her kingdom, and herself. How you are perceived by those around you is critical.” “Great, so we’re glorified models in armor,” Sergeant Coal muttered. “Do we have any real responsibilities, or is our primary role to look pretty?” “Your role is to defend the Princess no matter what cost it may bring you,” Hearth Fire said bluntly. “Our times of peace have relegated us to a less combative role, but make no mistake- your fellow Guardsmen are some of the most highly trained soldiers in the world. In time, you will count yourselves among them.” The next morning, we were given orders to head to the Quartermaster once more, who officially presented us our new armor and uniforms, each piece crafted to fit our exact measurements and body style. “Holy hell, it’s even got our names inscribed on the interior,” Sergeant Coal said, inspecting his helmet. “They don’t spare a bit on these things, do they?” I slid my uniform top on, feeling a silken smoothness that was heavenly to the touch. “I’ve never worn anything so comfortable in my life,” I remarked. “This is unreal.” “I’d hurry if I were you two,” the Quartermaster said. “Your presentation to the Princess should be in only an hour.” “Presentation?” Sergeant Coal echoed. “The Princess?” I said, feeling my heart skip a beat, my head swimming with the memories of her silken hair, her shining eyes, and that beautiful figure- “It’s customary that the Princess personally meets every new Guard that enters into the unit. After all, your duties may require you accompanying her for hours or even days at a time. She needs to know she can trust your integrity and behavior to be up to the highest standard. My mind flashed back to the night Rock Jaw and I had guard, the moment when I was certain we had been overheard. Was this part of her plan? To expose me in front of everyone and humiliate me before a crowd? I felt a cold sweat begin to form upon my brow at the thought. Time flowed like a flooded river and I soon found myself standing in an anteroom adjacent to the Throne Room, trembling so greatly that I was surprised that my armor didn’t rattle. “Holy hell, relax, you’re gonna have a stroke,” Sergeant Coal told me, noticing my failing composure. “What on earth has you so hot and bothered right now?” I shot a glance in his direction and said nothing, knowing full well no answer would be suitable. I was about to be in the same room as the love of my life, the exact person who was likely about to expose me for my perversity for all the world to see. I didn’t know a way to mentally prepare for such a thing. Commander Hearth Fire came and looked us over, giving a grin as he saw our newly fitted armor. “Feels good to wear, doesn’t it?” he said. “Welcome to the big leagues, soldiers. The Royal Guard is a good job if you can survive it. The last two sure didn’t.” “What happened to them, sir?” I inquired. “One had an accident and shattered his leg, the other got caught peeping at some of the female nobles,” Hearth Fire replied. “Princess Celestia got wind of it and sent him packing overnight. Integrity and decency are a big deal to her.” I took a nervous gulp. I was gonna die. There was a knock at the door and Hearth Fire gave us one last lookover. “This is it,” he said. “You two ready?” “Yes.” “No.” “Alright, let’s do this,” Hearth Fire said, heading to the door and bellowing, “Her Majesty, the Princess Celestia!” In walked a woman so perfect and flawless that I hardly could keep myself from gasping. Upon her head was a crown of pure gold studded with a single amethyst squarely in the center, wearing a robe of white so pure she would seem angelic. Her skin, sun-kissed and beautiful, seemed to radiate her exquisite beauty. Her eyes shone like diamonds, a warmth and gentleness present within them. Every step she took felt like a lifetime, a moment for me to gaze upon her loveliness even longer. All too soon it came to an end, Hearth Fire introducing us to the Princess, giving details of our service and lives prior to being part of the Royal Guard. As she glanced in my direction, her eyes seemed to gleam. “You certainly are a familiar face,” she said pleasantly, coming nearer to examine me. “Ah, yes, I remember now, one of the newest soldiers on the Outer Wall. It’s a delight to see you again.” “Likewise, Your Majesty,” managing to string a few words together. “I am glad to hear it. I hope your time here is well-spent. You certainly seem capable…” she looked my body up and down, giving the smallest of smirks. “In many ways.” I had expected a remark about my past behavior. “Umm… I surely hope to be useful, Your Majesty,” I stammered. “Oh, I have no doubt,” she said in a voice so low and inviting that I was quite sure I was the only one who heard her, the words leaving a pit in my stomach for my heart to fall through. “Well, it certainly is a pleasure to have both of you here. May you do your best, and I await eagerly our time together.” I stifled a groan as best as I could manage. She gave a sly smile and turned to leave, her movements slow and graceful, hips swaying with each step she took. Right before she exited, she turned to look towards me and gave one swift wink- and then disappeared. Hearth Fire looked upon the door where the Princess had departed with an air of confusion. “That was… different,” he remarked. “Have either of you dealt with Princess before?” “Not really, sir,” Sergeant Coal answered, I still too catatonic at the sight of her hips to say much of anything. “We met her for the first time about a week ago when she inspected our old regiment.” Hearth Fire shrugged. “Huh. Different speech from what she usually does. Oh well, I guess. You two ready to begin your duties?” I followed Sergeant Coal as we were escorted to our duties, my mind still full of images of Celestia; beautiful, lovely, incomparably wonderful Princess Celestia. I hadn’t even known a woman’s hips could move like that until now… There was no way I was going to survive this job. The next few days were relatively uneventful, much of my time spent on learning the Royal Guard’s customs and protocols, as well as getting integrated with my newfound peers. The professionalism and standards they possessed were a stark contrast to the casual grunginess of the Outer Wall, and I found myself working to exhaustion just to keep up. Whether it was weapons training or hand-to-hand combat or the numerous other duties we were expected to perform, it was more active than I had expected. Still, despite my weariness, I felt a change in perception of my daily duties. The importance of our duties was constantly impressed upon us, and as Hearth Fire remarked to me as I polished a set of plates for some meeting Princess Celestia was to attend, “We are a reflection of our ruler. Wherever she goes, so do we. Every mistake we make is a reflection of the Princess, every success a testament to her majesty. Whether you are simply cleaning glasses or defending her very life, take pride in what you do. Keep a straight back, your head held high. You are the greatest defenders this kingdom could have.” I scrubbed a little harder, the thought of her smile lighting fires inside my brain. Though I wasn’t certain of it, I had begun to believe that maybe Rock Jaw’s word with me had gone unheard. With that in mind, I found myself working with a greater sense of ease. I was too unimportant to be noticed, but I still could work hard and make her proud. If what I said and did reflected upon her, then she deserved the very best I could give. I felt content in that thought. The contentment didn’t last. After morning drill had been completed, I returned to the barracks along with the others, peering over at the duty roster to see the schedule for the day. The methodology behind it was simple: each duty was to be covered by a soldier and NCO team every day, whether it was cleaning duty or weapons care, or guard duty. “You gonna be ready for today?” Sergeant Coal asked me, walking away from the schedule. I was still assigned as the teammate for Sergeant Coal, Commander Hearth Fire seeing that we possessed good rapport with one another. “Ready for what?” He jerked his head towards the schedule. “You and I are on Throne Guard today. All-day guard, you gonna be ready in time?” My heart skipped a beat. It was the first time I had been assigned to be alongside the Princess since we had arrived. I was to be near those beautiful eyes, that flowing hair, to hear that voice that was as soft and lovely as the dawn… “Hey! Wake up!” Sergeant Coal rapped me on the head, awakening me from my daydream. “Come on, we both stink so we’ll have to get clean first. No breakfast for us.” As we bathed and then donned our armor, my nervousness only increased with each passing moment. My mind raced back to how she had acted when she had greeted us. That flirtatious, sensuous being whose behavior had thrown off the longtime Commander of the Royal Guard… I had struggled to keep my composure the last several times I had been around her, and now I was to be near her from sunrise to sunset. I was legitimately worried I wouldn’t last and that I’d humiliate both myself and Princess Celestia all in one blow. I wanted her to be proud of me. We entered the throne room and found it empty, our positions easily noticeable back behind the throne itself. Twin statues made of bronze, depicting ancient warriors of old, were our marks, our representations and the standards to which we would be kept. I gulped and hoped I would make it through. “Damn… this is for real,” Sergeant Coal said quietly, even he awed by the occasion. “I never thought this was gonna happen, did you?” I shook my head, finding myself wound too tightly for speech. Sergeant Coal scrutinized me, noticing I was unusually uptight. “You gonna be good?” I didn’t get a chance to answer. The throne room doors were flung open and we were greeted by the words, “All hail, Princess Celestia!” By instinct I fell to my knees, head bowed in reverence for my ruler, my secret love. “Please rise, both of you,” said that melodious voice, and I came to my feet and struggled to keep a gasp from escaping my lips. Though it was seemingly no different from her norm, Princess Celestia shone with an unhindered magnificence, radiating a quiet strength like that of a gentle fire. “It is a pleasure to see both of you again.” “Likewise, Your Majesty,” we replied in unison. She glanced over at Sergeant Coal and then at me, her gaze zeroing in on me as a smirk, small and subtle, formed upon her lips. “Well, it certainly should be an easy day. Let us, as they say, make the magic happen.” As she took her seat and declared the beginning of the Day Court, I began to wonder why I hadn’t simply decided to be a sailor instead. For a time, the day passed uneventfully, simply the comings and goings of Day Court as it had always been: matters of state, simple disputes among her people, politics and governmental affairs. Our job was quite simple, and that was simply to protect the Princess in the event of an attempted assassination. My spear, honed sharp from late-night dreariness, was certainly ready to do the job. But there we remained, as motionless as we could manage, quiet and as immobile as the stone that stood behind us. It would have been an easy task if it hadn’t been for the fact it was quite cold within the throne room, and I struggled to maintain my composure. About midway through Day Court, when a nobleman from the eastern provinces came to report to the Princess, that I began to wonder why it was so bitterly cold, despite it being early summer. Yes, stone wasn’t exactly conducive for heating, but it was just unnatural. Almost like… someone was manipulating it somehow… “Your Majesty, I have come as you requested, to give testimony on the recent storms that afflicted my village,” the nobleman declared, descending to his knees in homage. “Ah yes, Lord… Lord Southern Shoal, is it not?” “Yes, Your Majesty,” he answered, returning to his feet. “Southern Shoal of the village of… of…” Southern Shoal trailed off, staring at something before him with his eyes wide, his mouth still somewhat open. Maybe it was the cold that had gotten to him, maybe he had lost his train of thought, but his gaze suggested that he was quite transfixed by something- She’s a magic user, you idiot, my brain screamed. Suddenly it all clicked; I knew exactly the source of the bitter cold and just what Southern Shoal was staring at. “Lord Southern Shoal? Is something the matter?” Princess Celestia inquired. Southern Shoal went bright red and looked upon the Princess’ face, giving himself a shake. “Nothing at all, Your Majesty,” he said briskly, though his gaze continued to flicker down as he spoke. Throughout his time before Princess Celestia Southern Shoal remained distracted until it was at last time for him to leave, which he did rather swiftly. The cold only continued as the day passed by, until it was at last time for the day to come to an end, and the sun be set to herald in Princess Luna’s night. “You two must be exhausted,” Princess Celestia said as she rose from her throne, taking a long deep stretch that seemed to accentuate every curve her body possessed. Though I tried my best, I couldn’t help but sneak a glance at such a wondrous figure. She turned around to face us, a weary smile on her face- Oh heaven help me, she’s not wearing a bra, I panicked, my mind ensuring I would remember the image forever, my eyes darting to look up at the ceiling. You cannot look anywhere but up, nowhere but up, do not risk a second glance at those beautiful, magnificent- “Thank you for your excellent work today,” Princess Celestia said, her voice jerking me out of my tirade. She gave a small bow of gratitude, Sergeant Coal and I bowing in return. Her eyes turned to me and I felt myself being bored right through, a sudden bout of shame engulfing me. She knew. Of course she knew. Princess Celestia gave a sweet smile and departed, I rooted to the ground as the throne room doors slammed shut. Sergeant Coal and I gave a deep sigh, finally able to stretch out from our long day of motionlessness. Sergeant Coal shuffled his feet. “Uh, look, I don’t know how to say this, but- but did you see-” “Yes,” I rasped, trying my best not to replay the memory in my brain and failing spectacularly. We left the room and descended down to the barracks courtyard. “She is…” Sergeant Coal began. “She’s…” “Perfect,” I said miserably. Perfect and well on her way to driving me mad. The next few days saw Sergeant Coal and me on our own once more, spending more time training on various battle skills and protocols we were expected to know, from diplomatic dinners to affairs of state, to even how to conduct ourselves at balls and galas. Even Sergeant Coal, who was a quick learner, was having trouble keeping up with the numerous tasks we had to master. The only thing we were able to understand quickly were the new battle drills, both of us taking to them with ease. For all the flaws the Outer Wall had, battle skill wasn’t one of them. We would crawl into bed, exhausted and worn down, but pleased with our performance. I began to believe I could hold my own here… if it weren’t for a particularly pressing problem that wouldn’t die. I awoke early on Wednesday morning to find the duty roster had already been posted. As I crept forward and examined it, I discovered that Sergeant Coal and I were on Throne Guard once more, and what would be my latest encounter with Princess Celestia. I gulped. What was she going to pull this time? It began quite similarly as it had the last time; Princess Celestia came and greeted us and Day Court was begun, though I could tell there was something a bit off this time around. The Princess bore shadowed rings about her eyes, her smile more strained than it had been last time. She was tired. We watched as the normal flow of people came and went, from dignitaries to common folk who wish to pay treat to their Princess. As always, Princess Celestia’s ever-patient demeanor never wavered in the slightest. None who visited her was more important than the other, no rank or status could curry her favor. I was rather impressed at just how unflappable she could be. It was about midday when a young woman from Van Hoover came to visit, a solemn-looking girl bearing a large set of canvases upon her back. Her red face and heavy breathing suggested she had traveled for quite some time, or that the load she bore was heavier than she had anticipated. “Welcome, Miss Sea Frost,” Princess Celestia greeted the young woman warmly. “I wish I could say otherwise, but I do not believe I was told the nature of your visit, only that you bore something you wished to present to me?” The young woman took a deep, steadying breath to keep herself calm. “Thank you, Your Majesty,” she said faintly. “I’m sorry I didn’t say more about why I was coming, but… well, maybe it’ll just be easier if I explain it to you instead.” She set down her set of canvases, unwrapping them with unusual tenderness. “You see, Your Majesty, my father is- well, he- he could paint quite wonderful items. He spent much of his last few years on the shoreline, painting the seas or the sunrise. He said he started the hobby because he once saw your Summer Sun Celebration when he was a boy. My father called it one of the most beautiful sights he had ever seen, and- well, these few, he c-considered to be his b-best works, and I- he wanted to bring them to you himself, but you see he’s- he’s not- he got sick and-” Sea Frost gave a shudder and bowed her head, shaking as tears began to overwhelm her self-control and break down her calm façade. In an instant Princess Celestia was on her feet, waving for the guards at the door to dismiss themselves, a signal that Day Court was to come to an end. She immediately came and comforted the young woman, who had fallen to her knees in heart-wrenching sobs. I felt ashamed to bear witness to such a thing, to intrude on such an intimate moment. Sea Frost buried herself in the Princess’ arms like a child seeking their mother’s comfort, the Princess simply letting the young woman weep until her sobs fell silent. “Miss Sea Frost,” Princess Celestia said, “thank you for such a gift. It was a very kind thing to do. Your father’s work is beautiful. I would be very happy if you would tell me about him. Perhaps… a walk through the gardens would help ease your mind.” Sea Frost, still struggling to maintain her composure, gave a teary-eyed smile and nodded, the two women heading towards the door. “Do we go with her?” I whispered to Sergeant Coal. “I mean… I guess. Someone’s gotta be with Her Majesty,” he said. Both of us still uncertain, we left our posts and quietly followed behind, out of earshot but not letting Princess Celestia out of sight. As I watched, I could see Sea Frost’s demeanor change slowly over the course of their conversation. Though it never faded away, the burden of grief she carried lessened, her smile growing as she continued to speak to the Princess. Princess Celestia seemed to radiate at every word, a soft glow of comfort with every step she took. It wasn’t a false empathy like so many possessed, but a genuine compassion for the young woman who she had never known until today. It was such a pure-hearted thing to witness that I couldn’t help but sigh in admiration. Princess Celestia really was something truly special. After a while their words came to an end and Sea Frost departed, looking far lighter and happier than she had when she had first arrived. Princess Celestia stood there for a time, gazing about until she caught sight of the two of us, keeping watch a short distance away. A smile grew on her face and she motioned for us to come closer. “Your Majesty?” Sergeant Coal inquired. “Thank you for your discretion,” Princess Celestia said to us, her voice strained and low. “You have done well today- both of you.” We simply nodded. We had done our jobs and that was that. Princess Celestia gave a sigh and looked up at the sky. “Back to my duties, I suppose. Shall we head back inside?” We kept with her, unsure of our next move. Usually our duties ended when Day Court did, but today had been unusual. We simply decided to stay nearby, keeping guard at Princess Celestia’s office as she continued to work. When she had entered, a glance through the doors had revealed a large stack of paperwork on her desk, likely the cause of her sigh. It was, without a doubt, an uninviting sight to the Princess. Day turned into dusk, dusk into night, and still we stood there. None of our fellows came to relieve us, leaving it to us to ensure her safety. It was well past midnight before we even saw a sign of life at all. The doors to her office creaked open once and Princess Celestia appeared yet again, looking more tired and woebegone than before. “Have none come to relieve you?” she asked of us. “It is late, the roaming guard will certainly see something if something is amiss. Take your leave and get some rest, the both of you.” Sergeant Coal bowed his head and departed, muttering something about finding a drink. I turned to follow but found myself hesitating. As I turned back, I could see the Princess watching me, granting me an encouraging smile that set my heart aflutter. “I assure you, I will be safe until morning,” she said sweetly. “You may go.” I saw her tired eyes, her drooping expression, her dulled senses. The day’s efforts had drained her, and the still incomplete pile of paperwork was likely not going to be finished anytime soon. What I wanted to do was stupid, but before I could think it over, the words slipped out. “Would you like some company while you work, Your Majesty?” I said suddenly. I bit my tongue, wishing I hadn’t talked back so boldly. The Princess gave a small start, regarding me with a look of surprise. After a moment’s hesitation she smiled again, nodding and leaving the door to her office still open. I entered into a spacious place, absolutely littered with pile of scrolls and papers that certainly would fill a small library. Upon her desk lay the rest of the day’s efforts, a still formidable pile that awaited her attentions. I simply found a corner in which to stand and kept watch as she worked. Try as I might, I couldn’t help but watch her every move, drink in the very sight of her. She was lovely to behold, more and more every time I saw it. Graceful and noble, and… and… And wearing a very revealing dress, which, in the moonlight, seemed to reveal almost everything she had to flaunt. I felt sweat form on my brow and I clenched my fists in an effort to control myself. Maybe I shouldn’t have done this. I was a disgrace. She wasn’t even trying to do anything but still I was being driven crazy. I was pathetic. “Is everything alright?” I heard her say, turning about to look at me in concern. I felt a jolt of fear run through me, my internal groaning apparently having surfaced to gain her attention. “You look unwell.” “I’m fine, Your Majesty,” I said, trying to keep the strain from my voice. Perhaps unconvinced, she came closer and put a hand on my forehead, her chest practically right in my face, and suddenly becoming a very, very powerful draw of my own attentions. Sweat ran down her chest and soaking her through, and I suddenly realized it was rather warm in her office. My heart was pounding madly and I knew I had overstayed my welcome. She leaned back and took me in, that bright gleam in her eyes once more. “You’re soaking wet,” she remarked. “It has been a long day for both of us. Perhaps you and I should get some rest.” “Your Majesty?” I think my heart almost stopped. “Enough for tonight. Please, go get some rest. I will see myself to bed, worry not about me,” she said. “Thank you for your company tonight.” I went to the door and paused, feeling wretched. The moment had passed and suddenly I saw myself exactly as I was: perverted. What if she wasn’t doing it on purpose and I was just looking for the opportunity to do something wrong? Maybe I just wasn’t as good as I thought I was? I wanted to turn back around and speak with her, open up and simply tell her how I felt, to apologize for what I had done, but I couldn’t rouse it. “Good night, Your Majesty,” I said weakly, closing the door to her office behind me. My head hung as I walked back to the barracks, simply collapsing on the bed and desiring nothing more than to disappear into the darkness. I was horrendous. I didn’t sleep that night. I simply stared at the ceiling, trying to push the memories out of my brain, and instead only finding them front and center of my consciousness. Finally giving up I went to my gear, took it outside and began to clean it, going through every piece, every item I had until the metal gleamed in the moonlight. I took a look at the chestplate, looking at the gleaming sun imbedded on the front. Her mark, which I wanted to bear proudly- I just didn’t think I could keep my desires in check for much longer. If this is what she was going to be, then I simply couldn’t handle it. I wasn’t capable of keeping my emotions in check. I took my uniforms and began to clean them, doing everything I could to keep my mind distracted, to focus on anything but the unattainable, unreachable object of my passions. My thoughts of her had once been happy; a smile, the softness of her eyes, the glow of her skin. Now it was infested by guilt, her actions a direct result of my stupidity and carelessness. She knew who I was quite easily, and by my guess was waiting for me to simply say something; either reveal my vile nature or just confess. I fell so deeply into my work that I didn’t realize that the shadows of night had begun to slither away, and the dim glow of the sunrise was bringing forth the light. I looked up at the castle parapets to see the beautiful form of the woman I loved, summoning forth the sun into the waking world. Her white dress flowed in the morning breeze, revealing the voluptuous figure beneath. Every curve she possessed, every detail of her body was resplendent and evident for all to see. I felt something boring into my soul and immediately I knew: she was watching me. “I love you,” I whispered mournfully. “And because of that I don’t think I can protect you. I can’t serve you the way I am supposed to. I’m not strong enough.” Shame made me its plaything and as the others made their way from the barracks, I had finally made up my mind. It was time to quit.