Whatever else I felt about Trixie, I had to admit that she actually did seem to care for the average pony. This session of the Day Court was for petitions from the commoners and she handled many quite well in my opinion. When she got stuck, she would consult with Raven Inkwell or her new Grand Vizier (mostly Raven though), and I began to feel less of a phony. It was an education watching her because it was clear that the public was generally in favor of their new princess, and it wasn’t hard to see why. Trixie played the crowd like the showmare that she was – bantering with them, doing minor magic tricks with perfect timing, and genuinely trying her best to please the majority of them. Once or twice, Raven or I had to rein her in to make a less popular but fairer decision, but overall, I would have to give my new ‘boss’ a pretty high grade in public relations so far. By the time that recess was called for lunch, I was in a pretty good mood.
To my surprise, Steady Flight already had a light meal waiting for me laid out on a sundeck, and I queried him about it.
“If I am going to be stuck with this job, I thought I’d ask some of the staff what would be expected of me. Turns out there’s quite a lot. I also got chewed out for calling myself a butler. I’m informed that my actual position is a valet.”
“Let me guess – Trixie was the one who called you a butler?”
“Got it in one, sir.”
“My first piece of advice to you – don’t take anything she tells you at face value. Second piece – don’t think I’m like those nobles who can’t do anything for themselves. That said, this looks like a nice light meal. Thank you for making it, Steady.”
“I prepared it in mind of your flying lesson. I’ve scheduled it for immediately after Day Court finishes – if that suits you?”
My appetite suddenly dropped at that reminder. I really had no particular desire to learn to fly in spite of my wings frequently twitching as if eager to get into the air. However, a pegasus who refused to learn how to fly would look pretty strange, and I was in enough of a pickle without adding another complication. Steady must have sensed my lack of enthusiasm because his brow furrowed and he looked at me intently.
“Is something the matter, sir? Did you want me to schedule the lesson for another time?”
Yeah – preferably the twelfth of never. How could I tell him that I had acquired a healthy respect for heights after my numerous falls from trees, from roofs, from a hang glider (how Phil got me into one, I’ll never understand), from… well… you get the picture. It was not for nothing that Phil called me Captain Klutz. Me and falling seemed to go hand in hand, or in hoof in this case. But I couldn’t tell Steady that because I’m supposed to have forgotten my past. I sighed and gave in to the inevitable. “No – that time is fine. Just warning you though that when Trixie tossed me over the balcony, I froze up like an icicle.”
“She what?! I mean, the princess’ methods may not be… suitable.”
“Let’s call it like it is while she’s not in earshot – the Great and Clueless Trixie has no idea how to teach a pegasus how to fly.”
“But… she has wings…?”
I so badly wanted to disabuse him of that notion. It surprised me that no one ever questions them, but for the moment, I had to play along with the charade. “I guess she’s too new to them to teach effectively. Anyway, that food isn’t going to eat itself, and it’s a nice day, so let’s relax while we can.”
“I need to look as if I’m on duty, sir.”
“I need a friend more than a valet, Steady.”
“We can chat while I stand here as if I am tending to your needs. I don’t want to get in trouble.”
“Fair enough. So – tell me what life was like as a royal courier…”
The afternoon session proceeded much as the morning’s had, although I had to bring in some other-worldly knowledge to persuade Trixie not to give the green light to a project that I knew would cause considerable pollution. When I checked with Raven later, it turned out that this petitioner had tried before to get her project approved but Celestia had rejected it, probably for similar reasons to mine. I figure she thought she could slip it past the inexperienced monarch, and she would have been right if Trixie didn’t have two ponies looking over her shoulder.
The afternoon session was concluding when the sergeant-at-arms announced a surprise visitor.
“Twilight Sparkle! Isn’t she the pony who was supposed to get your job?” I whispered urgently in Trixie’s ear. “What is she doing here?” Had I come along just in time to get involved in a confrontation between them?
Trixie merely nodded and ignored my questions. She waited while a purple unicorn approached, a scowl on her face. When the mare halted at the base of the dais, Trixie stood up regally and said, “It is good of you to obey my summons so promptly, Miss Sparkle.”
Twilight’s frown deepened. “I only came because you said there was news about Celestia and Luna. Have you located them yet?”
“The Great and Regretful Trixie wishes that she could answer in the affirmative, but no, it is another matter that requires your attention.”
“I hope you haven’t just wasted my time, Trixie,” Twilight said warningly.
“You wound Trixie. Attend us, and you will see for yourself.” She stepped down from the dais and marched right past Twilight, with me hot on her heels.
Twilight snorted in annoyance and followed. “Where are we going?”
Once the three of us were out of earshot of anypony else, Trixie replied , “To the portal room.”
Twilight glanced at me before replying, “Should this pegasus be coming with us?”
“That pegasus is Trixie’s new Grand Vizier Bark Dells and he is involved with this.”
The purple mare looked startled for a moment before turning a hostile glare upon me. “Are you one of Trixie’s cronies then?”
I gulped and replied, “Firstly, my name is Mark Wells, no matter what Trixie may say. Secondly, I’m just as much a victim here. I’m only the Smug and Annoying Trixie’s Grand Vizier for lack of a better option.”
Twilight looked surprised at my reply. Maybe my description of Trixie helped. I certainly hope so. If everything that I heard was true, the Element of Magic was named that way for a reason. This was probably the most powerful magic-user in the world next to me, and pissing her off was right at the bottom of my list of things to do. I needed to make as positive an impression as possible before she saw what I had done, especially if this mare was my best hope to getting back home.
“Would you care to explain that statement?” Twilight asked.
“I’m afraid that it will have to wait until we get to the portal room. It’s all tied together. Whoops!”
We had just come to my mortal enemy – the stairs that led down to the corridor to the portal room. I glanced at them nervously and then looked back to Trixie. Unfortunately, the blue mare was already halfway down the steps, and Twilight paused to see why I had hesitated.
‘Come on, Mark – you practiced this earlier. Stairs are your friend.’
Moments later, the purple mare was staring at me with a concerned look as I lay on my back at the foot of the stairs.
“Are you alright?” Twilight asked.
“Don’t mind him – he does that a lot,” Trixie said as she continued on down the corridor.
Twilight shot a glare at Trixie before using her magic to right me.
“Thanks,” I said. “I’ll be fine. Just a little uncoordinated is all.”
Twilight gave me a skeptical look before she hastened after Trixie. I limped along after them both and got there just as the Guard unlocked the door to the portal room. I let the two mares go ahead but I stayed outside next to the Guard, putting my hooves over my ears. When the stallion gave me a questioning look, I said, “Wait for it.”
“WHAT THE BUCK HAPPENED HERE?!”
Lowering my hooves, I gave the Guard a sympathetic glance as he rubbed his abused ears before I entered the room. “Funny story,” I said. “I said almost the same thing when I arrived.”
Apparently Twilight was not amused.
After a long explanation which I survived with only some relatively minor singes, Twilight carefully examined the remains of the destroyed portal mirrors. This process took long enough for Trixie to grow bored and start yawning. I took this as a cue to extract myself from the shooting range of a very angry mare.
“Your Majesty, I believe you have other duties to attend, and I have an appointment to keep.”
The faux alicorn perked up. “You are quite correct, Park Dwells. The Busy and Responsible Trixie must keep to her schedule. Twilight Sparkle, your Empress commands that you make repairing the portals your top priority.”
Twilight snorted. “Like I wasn’t going to anyway, ‘Empress’.”
I had to give Twilight an A+ for the sheer amount of snark that she managed to put into that one word. It was like water off a duck’s back to Trixie though, and she left the room without any further comment. I hastily followed, pausing only long enough to warn the Guard to tread on eggshells while Twilight Sparkle was still there.
“No kidding!” he silently mouthed back.
As we headed back, Trixie inquired about my appointment. When I told her about the flying lesson, she brightened and said, “Ah, yes! The Curious and Studious Trixie must learn how flying is taught for the day she truly earns her wings. She will accompany you.”
I groaned. The last thing that I wanted was an audience, especially a mare with delusions of grandeur! The chances of Trixie gaining wings were somewhere between zero and none. Wait! You can earn wings?
Steady Flight was waiting for me in my room, but he was surprised that Trixie intended to watch. I suspect that he had expected to be a lot more informal with his lessons, but instead Steady ended up trying to instruct me as if he was being tested, and his nerves were really showing. I don’t know which of us felt worse, but at least he wasn’t going to have to worry about crashing to his doom if I got the lessons wrong.
We started on the ground, thank God – to be specific, on the floor in front of open bay windows. He had me extend my wings and gently flap them. He corrected the way I positioned them until I could feel a bit of lift from aerodynamics alone. Then he told me to reach for my flight magic and push it into my wings. I just stared at him for a long moment.
“How the buck am I supposed to do that?” Hey! I’ve already learned how to swear in Pony!
Steady opened his mouth, but was dumbstruck. Ha! Great teacher! Then I kicked myself mentally because that wasn’t fair to Steady. He probably never intended to teach flight school, and because he was born a pegasus, he would just instinctively know about his flight magic. Instinctively? Maybe if I just feel for something that I never had as a human? I continued to flap as Steady had instructed, but I also closed my eyes and attempted to discover something within me. After a minute or two with no results, I opened my eyes once more. The first thing that I saw was the open blue sky and something inside me suddenly yearned to be out there. Abruptly, my wings were alive with energy and I shot up into the air…
Crashed into the ceiling…
Bounced off the top of the railing beyond the window…
Spun out into the courtyard outside…
Froze in fear and plummeted down to the ground.
As I sat spitting the dirt and grass out of my mouth from my one-point touchdown (that is – face first), I heard a certain mare’s laughter behind me. “You are certainly always entertaining, Ballpark Spells!”
Steady fluttered down to land beside me. “Not bad, sir, but I think we’re going to have to work on your landings.”
“If I wasn’t now seeing two of you, I’d punch you,” I groaned before lying down on the cool grass. “Class dismissed!”
I forgave Steady when he produced a bottle of Eyrish Whiskey afterwards. The Unsympathetic and Nosy Trixie had departed, leaving us alone in my room once more. The stallion and I were partaking in the ancient tradition of bitching about the boss. He poured us both a double and it went down smooth.
As he refilled our glasses, Steady said, “Don’t let today’s incident get you down, Mark. You’ve shown that you still have it within you to fly. We’ll have you back in the air in no time.”
That was what I was afraid of. Maybe next time I’d have some of this whiskey before I try to fly again.
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