//------------------------------//
// Chapter 1: Setting the Bar Low 
// Story: Derpy Deeds (Done Dirt Cheap!) 
// by Unwhole Hole 
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The stallion shifted his hoof, gesturing to yet another photograph in the seemingly endless reams of ribbon-photos that had somehow been compressed into his wallet. This particular picture showed a teenage filly- -a white unicorn, not unlike the owner of the photos, who was apparently completely unaware of his rather auspicious genetics- -and she was wearing a surprisingly elegant dress.
“And see, this is my eldest,” he said. “She got her cutie mark in geology. Her mother and I were so proud. We thought she would go off and get her rocktorate. But then she never got past the sixth grade. So, yeah. No rocktorate on that one I guess. Turns out she wants to make dresses. I know I’m supposed to be supportive, but her talent is literally for gemstones- -look! It’s gemstones! Right there, on her rump!”
One of the two unicorns flanking him looked closely- -perhaps too closely. His brother cleared his throat, causing the other to suddenly pull back. “Ah,” he said. “Yes. Those certainly are gemstones, aren’t they?” 
“That’s what the doctor said, yeah.” Before either of the twins could interrupt, the stallion flipped the photos again. The next ribbon contained pictures of another, younger white filly- -indicating that his genetics were virtually flawless, having sired not one but two of the most beloved coloration and type of pony.
“And this is my youngest, she’s just three! Isn’t she adorable!” He grinned through his thick mustache, a white face beaming out from beneath a shaggy mullet. “Her mother and I have high hopes for this one! She might even make it to high school! Wouldn’t that be something?” 
“Of course it would,” said the elder of the twins- -even if he was only ‘elder’ by a fraction of a second. “But, if you don’t mind, if we could get to the business at hoof…”
“Oh?” the stallion looked confused. “I still have ten more rows. Don’t you want to see the one of my wife? I think I have one in here where she’s not wearing any clothes…”
Both the stallions at his sides blushed. It ought to be recognized, of course, that ponies did not ordinarily wear clothes, nor did they explicitly have anything to cover by them; however, all three of the unicorns who now found themselves sitting at the especially salty counter of Captain Pony’s Salt Bar and Saltier Grill were wearing at least some amount of clothing. The central stallion- -the mark- -was wearing the greatest known sort of garment of them all, the Hawaiian shirt. The other two, a pair of gangly stallions just out of their teen years, were dressed in matching blue and white striped shirts complete with bowties. They were presently saving up to buy hats. 
“See? Completely and totally naked. Naked as the day she was born. And that body after two foals…I mean, you just can’t beat that, can you?” He looked up. “Am I making this awkward?”
“No,” lied both twins at once. 
“But,” said the more mature twin. “It seems to me that by raising two daughters, you’ve been depriving yourself.”
“You try raising two daughters and you’d be depraved too!” He guffawed, although it was not clear if he actually knew that this was a joke- -or meant it as such. Carefully, he bent his neck and addressed his salt-lick gracefully in a way that was (unconsciously) distinctly couth. 
“Well, we have an offer for you,” said one twin. 
“A once in a lifetime offer!” added the other. The two of them were completely and utterly indistinguishable. For poor Hondo Flanks, this was endlessly confusing; he could barely tell his daughters apart half the time, let alone two suave strangers who both smelled oddly of peppermint and apples. 
“And as a pony clearly versed in sports and sports memorabilia, we can see that you can fully appreciate this opportunity. Flim, if you would do the honors?”
Flim nodded and produced a box. It looked fancy, but was not. They had bought it in a rummage sale after a great deal of rummaging followed by the use of their fully bargaining powers to weasel it out of an old mare for a matter of half of a Goat Grote. One that they had carefully counterfeited, of course. 
The elder twin- -Flam- -opened the box with his magic. The stallion looked inside and gasped at the object held within. 
“Why, that’s a championship ring!” he said, almost in awe. “Hoofball, unicorn league, ’71, the year the Colts won!”
“An excellent eye, my good stallion!” Both twins smiled, knowing that he had swallowed the bait- -metaphorically, at least, not like the last mark who had taken a much more literal approach. “The only one not currently in private collection!”
“And we are willing to part with it.”
“Although only barely!” Flam feigned lament. “But at least we will know it is going to a good home!”
Flim leaned in close. “It can be yours, with just three easy payments of, oh…five hundred bits?”
“Five hundred- -do you know how many college educations I could buy for that?”
“About one five hundred thousandth of one.”
“And, really, do you think you’re going to be paying for any of those?”
Hondo paused for a moment. “Well, no. But still…”
“Trust me, my dear stallion, the market price for these rings is well over one hundred thousand each! This isn’t a bargain that comes by every day!”
“Or ever! If you have remorse, just sell it back! You’ll make a hundred times what you put in, no risk!”
“A hundred times? That’s a lot!” He paused. For a moment Flim and Flam were wondering if he would catch on to their fudging of the numbers, but his daughters had apparently inherited both his coat color and his astounding intelligence. “I don’t know, though…my wife gets angry when I spend money, and when she’s angry she doesn’t make me any cookies.” He looked at them. “And by ‘cookies’, I mean- -”
“We don’t need the details,” assured Flam while Flim shuddered. “But how about this? Why don’t you try it on?”
Hondo’s eyes widened. “Oh, no, I couldn’t, I’m not- -”
“Nonsense!” Flim clasped his hoof around Hondo’s back. It was meant to seem like a friendly gesture, but he was in fact pinning the stallion to his bar stool. So he could not get away. Flam lifted the ring and gently placed it on the stallion’s horn. Hondo looked so happy he almost seemed as though he was going to jump out of his mullet (which, for the sake of all Equestrian fashion, would have been a good thing). 
“Oh wow,” he said. “That does look good, now doesn’t it?” He paused. “But it doesn’t it make my horn look a little…small?”
“Not at all!”
“Quite the contrary!”
“Yes, yes! In fact, your horn looks massive!”
“Positively enormous!”
“Gloriously long and ever so hard!”
“Downright engorged, and throbbing with vitality!”
One of the twins leaned close, breathing heavily. “If had a horn like that…well…heh heh…”
“I- -um- -”
“If I had a horn like that, I’d go home and strip your wife naked.”
Hondo had suddenly begun to sweat, and at the last line grew rather pale, which was itself impressive considering that he was an all-white pony.
“This is making me very uncomfortable,” he squeaked. He took the ring off his horn, and Flim and Flam gasped.
“Wait!” cried Flim.
“Yes, I believe there’s been a misunderstanding!”
“I have to go- -somewhere!”
With that, he departed with utmost haste, leaving the ring still spinning on the salt-strewn bar. Flim picked it up. 
“Well,” he said. “That didn’t go well.” He paused, and then looked at his brother. “I believe we may have oversold it, dear brother.”
“Possibly. Hmm…” Flam made a note of it in a small book. “I suppose it helps to improve our sales tactic,” he sighed, “let’s see…reference to horn size seem to only work on unicorn mares, not stallions.”
“Indeed.” Flim put the ring back in the box and tucked it away. “Well. On to the next one.”
The two of them giggled as they approached the door. Just before they reached it, though, both of them were shoved back into the bar suddenly when a pony came through the door and impacted them at chest high.
“Excuse me!” said Flim, bowing gracefully. 
“Yes. Excuse you.” Replied the mare.
Flam opened his mouth to retort at the rudeness of her tone, but when he and his brother saw her, they both fell speechless. 
Although they were relatively young, both Flim and Flam had snuggled many a mare- -and in a few cases even a stallion or two- -almost invariably in pursuit of sealing a deal that otherwise might be sunk by a pony in a more rational state of mind. This mare, however, was unsuggleable. Both of them mentally agreed, even without speaking. It was apparent from her poise and expression, and neither of them could conceive- -no matter how hard they tried- -of this mare ever being snuggled by anything up to and including a pregnant manticore- -let alone a stallion. Even one who had been paid very well.
It was not that she was unattractive. She was, at least in an objective sense: her face was well-formed and aristocratic, although marred slightly by an oddly pointed nose that the twins suspected might be the byproduct of a certain surgery. Her eyes were deep and teal, but they were harsh and cold, and seemed to stare into the very souls of the ponies before her- -all the while literally looking down her pointed nose at them. This face was the one that they had both unconsciously imagined as belonging to Nightmare Moon or King Sombra when their mother had told them bedtime stories (their mother, of course, had hated them and only told them the most traumatizing of stories). This was the face of pure evil. 
“My- -my apologies, ma’am, we were just leaving- -”
“No,” she said, coldly. “No you were not.” Her cold eyes moved from one of them to the other. “You are Flim Skim and Flam Scam?”
“That depends on who is asking,” said Flam, desperately trying to smile but finding it impossible to do well, even for a professional fake-smiler like him. 
“I am,” she snapped. “And I came to this filthy den of the lower class to speak specifically to you two.”
“Well, ma’am, we are in a bit of a hurry- -”
Her eyes flashed and Flim recoiled. “When I ask for something, I never do so twice. Because no pony I’ve ever met is stupid enough to deny me the first time. Now. SIT.”
The pair of twins gulped, and they did as she told them, moving to the nearest booth and sliding in next to one another. The entire process took only a fraction of a second.
The mare moved more slowly, at an almost leisurely place. It was more than apparent that she did not belong in this place and treated it with abject disdain. Despite it being summer, she was dressed in a long fur coat that nearly trailed on the wooden floor below.
She paused and looked at the bench, and then sighed. “Of course. Why would there be anypony here to take a lady’s coat?”
“I would be more than happy to,” said Flam, standing suddenly. He was rapidly regaining his normal confidence, and doing so faster than his brother.
The mare yanked the coat away and glared at him. “Keep your filthy horn off my coat! Your kind are almost as bad as those dirty Pegasi, you’d steal the buttons off it even if they WEREN’T made of solid gold!”
Flim and Flam looked at each other. Almost as if they were communicating telepathically. Whether that ability came from the magical organs embedded in their foreheads or them being identical twins, neither knew. 
The mare folded her coat neatly and with exacting precision.
“Chinchilla fur,” marveled Flim. “My, a great many chinchillas must have had to be shaved to make that.”
“Shaving the vermin is one way to make a fur, yes,” replied the mare. Then, with a little smile, “the cheap way. But I never do anything cheap. It’s beneath me.” 
“So that means- -”
“It means that this coat costs more money than the two of you will ever see in your lifetimes.” She set the coat down gingerly on the vinyl seat. “So don’t touch it.”
They both nodded, and both of them were able to get a good look at the mare. Neither liked what they saw. The illusion was perfect: she was, arguably, attractive. Still perhaps in her twenties, or maybe approaching thirty, but in relatively good shape. She was also an earth-pony.
What bothered the pair the most, though, was that she was wearing a teal blouse- -to match her eyes- -along with an almost absurd quantity of gold jewelry, but had neglected to put on pants. That bothered them greatly. Of course, they themselves were not wearing pants; neither had Hondo, or any of the few ponies lying around the bar who had been salted into oblivion. For a mare, though, it was downright scandalous to go bottomless: they ordinarily wore skirts, even perfunctory ones, or trousers of some sort. This one, however, was nude from the waist down. 
She stared at them. Or, rather, glared- -or even glowered. It was apparent that she hated them even more than their mother had. Which was a lot. 
“Well,” said Flim, clearing his throat. “While you’re here, we actually are in the process of attempting to sell a rare trinket. You seem like you would be very interested in that sort of valuable thing.”
“We are?” asked Flam. Flim elbowed him. “OH! Yes!”
Flim placed the box on the table and opened it. They both gestured in unison toward the ring inside. 
“Now, granted, it is obvious that you can’t actually wear it,” said Flim, “but I hardly think that is the point, now, is it? You seem like a mare far more interested in collecting the finer things in life.”
“And this is a one-of-a-kind item. The only one not currently in private collection.”
“You would not believe the things we had to do to get it.”	
“There was snuggling.”
“Oh yes, lots of snuggling.” Flim shuddered at the sudden and unwanted thought of snuggling the mare across from him. “Though mostly for warmth!”
“It’s not weird if it’s for warmth!”
“Is there a point to this?” sighed the mare. 
“Why yes, yes there is!” said Flim. “Interested in business, I see, just in business- -well, here it is!”
He pushed the box to her. She stared at it for a moment, and then gently lifted it from the box. She examined it carefully. 
Flam leaned forward. “The value is well over one million bits. But we’re willing to accept a fraction at fifty thousand. Payable in a single payment, of course- -”
The mare set the ring on the table and looked Flam in the eye. Then she put her hoof over the top of ring and crushed it into powder with one swift motion. 
Flim and Flam both screamed. Only partly because their ring had been destroyed. They had rarely dealt with earth-ponies, although they were distantly aware of legends of unnatural strength. Her actions had only reinforced it and revealed that, like all her kind, she was preternaturally strong. This terrified both of the twins and strongly aroused one of them, although neither of them knew which. 
“Our championship ring!” cried Flim, grasping at the dust.
“Our one of a kind ring! Our rare and uninsured valuable ring!”
“One that we’ll now have to collect money on in exchange for the damages- -”
“It was fake,” snapped the mare.
Flim and Flam gasped in unison and in offence. “How dare you!” they cried. 
The mare stood up on her seat and gestured to her bare rump. Flim averted his eyes and Flam cried out in surprise. Neither of them wanted to look at her rear.
“Please, we do not need to see that!” wailed Flim. 
“Oh please. You’re kind are all leches, you know you like to look. But try not to get distracted. Note that my cutie mark is a RING.”
“Which…is strange,” trailed Flam. “…seeing as you can’t wear one, seeing as you lack- -”
“I lack NOTHING,” she snapped. “YOU have hideous growths coming out of your stupid faces. Although for a second you were almost as smart as your race likes to think it is. Yes. I can’t wear them. But I do collect them. Assess them. Accumulate them. Purely as status symbols, mind you.” 
“Even if you can’t use them?”
“ESPECIALLY since I can’t use them.” She pointed at the pile of dust. “And I happen to know that my husband owns a complete set from ’71-’74. Minus one ring. Which that one was not. I gave him those sets for his thirtieth birthday.”
The twins looked at each other, then at her, then at each other again. “Husband? You- -actually got somepony to marry you?”
“Got? No. I assure you I had MANY candidates. I married the richest.” 
“Did…the place your from…not have any other female ponies?”
“I don’t even think that would work,” whispered Flam. 
“Of course it does. But none are as rich or as well-bred as I am.”
The twins shivered. “Please refrained from mentioning yourself and breeding in the same sentence,” said Flam, holding back his nausea. 
“Only because we would like to have a purely professional relationship.”
“Do you think a pony as wealthy and beautiful as I am would have any OTHER kind of relationship with a pair of impoverished swindlers?”  
“Swindlers!” gasped Flim. “Why, we’ve never swindled once in our lives!”
The mare simply pointed at the powdered fake ring.
“Well…once. But we needed money!”
“Of course you do. Which I am willing to help with.”
Flam frowned. “It doesn’t involve snuggling, does it?”
“I would rather sprout a pair of wings than even get within touching distance of either of you. Get near me and I will have your horns removed and turned into fancy fountain pens.”
This was a grave threat to a unicorn, one that was never taken lightly- -and both of them believed her with absolute certainty.
“So it’s business,” said Flim, his air of joviality vanishing when he saw that it would be meaningless in the face of this mare.
“It is.” The mare clapped her hooves together. A young Pegasus waitress appeared as quickly as possible by her side. “Your establishment has horrible service,” she said, addressing the filly. “What does a pony have to do to get some salt?”
“Oh! Sure! Yes! What would you like, ma’am?”
“Himaneighan. On the rocks.”
The serving filly’s eyes widened, and she began to write on a small pad. “And what would you like that cut with?”
The sound of the earth-mare’s teeth grinding as her expression suddenly sharpened was so loud that Flim and Flam recoiled. When they saw the look on her face- -her suddenly flaring nostrils in her pointed nose, and her tiny teal pupils- -they stiffened. One of them quite vigorously.
“Cut?” she said, her tone icy. “CUT?!”
“Well, it’s just that- -the Himaneighan Pink is very expensive, and- -”
“And I look like I can’t afford it? Because I’m an EARTH PONY?” She moved with surprising speed, suddenly putting her face inches from the now terrified Pegasus filly’s nose. 
“N- -no- -it’s just that- -just- -”
“Well I HAVE money! Here!” The earth mare opened her purse and began to literally throw bits at the serving filly- -at full force. She cried out as they bounced off her, leaving bruises as they did so. 
“Please stop!”
“Why? Tell me WHY I should stop! I’ll stop when you get me my CELESTIA-DARNED SALT!”
The filly burst into tears and started to run away. As she did, Flam projected his magic. The young mare was levitated in a green sphere, her legs still pumping wildly as she sobbed and tried to escape. She barely seemed to notice that she had been lifted. 
“And of course,” said Flim, “as a mare of such profound wealth, you would be more than rich enough to pay for our salt as well?”
“Why would I pay for your salt? You’re clearly not worth it.”
Flim and Flam both shrugged. “Well, if you don’t have the cash, we can go without.”
The mare’s nostrils flared, and she rolled her eyes. “Fine. Order your weight in it for all I care. I can afford it.”
The twins smiled. “Add two saltinis to that,” said Flam. 
“The deluxe kind.”
“With IODIZED salt!”
“To prevent cretinism!”
“I think it’s a bit late for that,” muttered the violet mare.
Flam then released the serving filly. Her hooves caught the ground and she began to run- -still sobbing and bruised- -back behind the bar. 
The twins silently smiled to each other. They were making headway.
“So,” said Flim. “You seem to be familiar with us.”
“After all, our products and salesmanship are known far and wide across the land!”
“But we’re afraid we aren’t terribly sure who, exactly, you are.”
The mare leaned back in her seat. She stared at them coolly. “Of course you wouldn’t,” she said, at last. “You two are not exactly near me in terms of social station. My name is Spoiled Rich. I’d say it’s a pleasure but it’s not.” 
Flam giggled. His brother let out a small snort. Spoiled raised an eyebrow. “What’s so funny?” 
“Your parents hated you, didn’t they?”
Spoiler’s brow furrowed. “And why would you think that?”
“Well… ‘Spoiled’?”
Spoiled rolled her eyes. “Sure. Coming from a pony named ‘Phlegm’.” 
“One, it’s ‘Flam’. Two, I’m ‘Flim’. He’s Flam.”
“How am I supposed to know that, you look the same.”
“You can check our cutie marks,” they said, raising them. 
Spoiled turned her head to one side and held up her hoof. “NO. I don’t want to look at your skinny rumps. And I’ve already seen your cutie marks. You’re lucky I don’t call you ‘Pitcher’ and ‘Catcher’.”
“Then what do you propose?”
“I don’t know, grow a beard or something. It can’t make you look any more ugly.” 
“Hmm,” said Flim, taking it to heart- -although a beard might be a bit overboard for a suave salespony. “Maybe…”
“And for the record,” continued Spoiled, “my name was not always this moronic.”
“Oh really?”
She nodded. “Before I was married, I was Spoiled Milk.”
Flam nearly died. As in, he was actually very close to rupturing from stifling his laughter. Had he been ten years older he probably would have. Flim, however, gasped. 
“Spoiled Milk? As in the daughter of Spilt, nee Beans?”
“Spilt Beans?” said Flam, suddenly managing to control himself. His eyes were wide. “You mean the famous Canterlot Socialite?”
“Yes,” said Spoiled, darkly.
“Oh my,” said Flim. “I’m terribly sorry for your loss! I mean, it was all over the newspapers, the whole of Canterlot was abuzz for months on end!”
“A terrible shame!”
Spoiled grimaced and shook her head. “She was a terrible mother. I’ m not going to shed a tear. There’s no sense crying over Spilt Milk.” 
The salt arrived. Spoiled shot the stupid horse delivering it a withering glare, and the girl cowered like the cow she was. The salt, at least, looked tolerable. It consisted of several pink rocks set into a simple glass. It was expensive, but horribly rustic for Spoiled’s taste. After all, she did deserve nice things- -but she supposed that since nopony of any importance was around, she could forgo asking for something more suited to her station. 
Two salts were given to the twins. Girly salts. Spoiled Rich had not respected either of them- -they were, after all, unicorns- -but any wisp she might have had for them vanished when she saw that they could not even handle proper stallion salt. 
Yet the pair seemed overjoyed and started licking their salt immediately. The serving filly started to retreat quickly, but not quickly enough. Spoiled was able to peg her directly in the back of the skull with a well-placed twenty-bit coin. The really heavy kind. The girl squealed in pain and ran. 
She lifted her drink- -using her hooves, the way their maker had intended ponies to- -and pulled a piece of salt out of the glass with her tongue. She crunched it loudly in her teeth, watching Flim and Flam cringe at the sight. She enjoyed seeing them uncomfortable. 
“So,” said Flim after a long moment. “You came…looking for us?”
Spoiled did not answer. She just turned over a fragment of salt in her mouth. She hated the taste, but it was expensive. 
“Do we owe you money?” whispered Flam. Flim promptly elbowed him. 
“No,” said Spoiled. “Not yet.”
“Well, if it’s refunds, I’m afraid we don’t accept- -”
“And I never bought anything from you. I don’t buy cheap things.”
“Ow…my self-esteem…”
“I’m here because I have a business proposal.”
Both the brothers perked up suddenly as if she had suggested that she were offering to remove her blouse. Which, of course, would have revealed nothing; as a pony, nudity was normal an inoffensive. However, only poor ponies did not wear at least one article of clothing. Spoiled had several, including her jewelry. 
“What kind of proposal?”
“Do…do we have to snuggle you?”
Spoiled and Flim both looked at Flam as though they were about to turn their salt. Flam blushed. “Sorry, I just- -”
“That’s all you unicorns can think about, isn’t it?” She shook her head. “No. Of course not. Give me that image again, and I’ll have you arrested!”
“For what?!”
“For disturbing the rich!” Spoiled stood up suddenly, causing the twins to shrink into their seats. Seeing that they were afraid- -but not realizing that at this point they were only pretending- -Spoiled sat back down. “No.” She straightened her blouse. “I’ve heard word that you two are trying to start a business operating in Ponyville.”
Something glimmered in Flim’s eyes. “Then you heard right. It’s a tiny, obscure town, perfect to start a business.”
“One where debt collectors won’t be looking, I’m sure. And where earth-mares outnumber unicorn stallions ten to one.” 
“It’s nothing like that!” protested Flam. “In fact, we have a set of distant relations there! We actually have a rather fetching young cousin residing in town!”
“Really? Who?”
“Applejack,” said Flim.
“Big Macintosh,” said Flam.
Flim and Flam looked at each other in surprised. Both of them had learned something new about the other that they rather would not have known. 
“My point,” continued Spoiled, “is that you two were looking to start a certain business. The kind that helps ponies deal with…certain problems.”
Flim and Flam smiled. “Indeed,” said Flim. “We were.”
“Well, I’m a pony with a number of problems. Problems that need fixing. Quietly, and quickly.” She leaned forward. “Efficiently.” 
Flim and Flam smiled. “Well,” said Flam, “I suppose that is possible…”
“But of course neither of us have the expertise required.”
“No, no, not us, we’re just simple salesponies.”
“We would need to hire an agent.”
“One with the ability to… ‘fix problems’.”
“But one dense enough not to lead the authorities back to us- -”
“- -if the authorities suddenly become interested. In other words- -”
“- -a pony to take the fall, if need be.”
Spoiled wrinkled her pointed nose. “Stop that. That twin stuff, don’t do it. It’s weird. And yes. I figured that was the case.”
“So you have somepony in mind?”
“I do.”
“And is that what you came to offer? Because we don’t need help recruiting, at the moment.”
“No. I came to offer investment capital.”
“Really.”
“Is that unreasonable? I have an interests in your business flourishing. To help me with what I need done.”
Flim and Flam looked at each other, and then at Spoiled. They both smiled.
“I’m afraid the answer will be no,” said Flim.
Spoiled, for the first time, looked completely taken aback. As if she could not comprehend what was going on. “Excuse me? I’m offering you money.”
“You are,” said Flam. “But that’s not all you’re offering.”
“I’m here to help you.”
“No,” said Flim. “You are here to help yourself. You have the capital. A candidate in mind. And you need…us?”
“Your husband made a fortune selling retail goods at wholesale prices. Cutting out the middlemare, so to speak.”
“How do you- -”
“Because we study hard. This job is not easy.”
“And a middlemare always increases the cost. So why exactly would she want one, Flim?”
“Because the agent wouldn’t be the ONLY patsy, Flam. It would be us. The ones providing the service. Not the client, as Ms. Rich would be.”
“‘Ms. Rich’ is my failure of a daughter. Address me properly if you’re going to address me at all.”  
“We don’t intend to be addressing you for very much longer.”
“We hate to be rude, of course, but what you are offering is NOT a benefit. You are trying to dupe us.”
“And we should know. We normally do the duping.”
Spoiled stood up suddenly. “Fine. I’ll keep my money, then.” She became quiet. “But I promise you: you’ll regret this. Ponies do not deny me what I want.”
“We just did.”
“For now. But you two will NEVER do business in Ponyville.” She grabbed her coat, turned, and began to leave, and whispered to herself. “Or business at all for much longer.”
Flim and Flam watched her go, trying very hard not to look at her rump. Then they turned to each other. Flim nodded, and Flam picked the pink salt out of her unfinished glass. They would resell it later at ten times the market price to the right mark, and it would net them a substantial profit.
“Well, brother, I do believe we dodged the proverbial bullet with that one.”
“Of course! Honestly, I don’t know what she expected from us. But…”
Flam smiled. “Oh, indeed. She was so angry she didn’t even notice.”
He held up a number of solid-gold buttons in his magic. Buttons that had formerly been attached to Spoiled Rich’s extravagant coat. 
“We really ought to have thanked her, brother.”
Flam laughed. “Indeed! After all, she did just provide us with all the investment capital we need!”
The both of them laughed, not realizing that vengeance would find them soon enough.