“Everyone get in position, we’ve got five minutes! Squad leaders, do one last quick inspection of your soldiers before taking your places, let’s go!”
The room was crawling with the sounds of iron and steel colliding, the cacophony of sound ringing in my ears as I struggled to find my position along the overcrowded hallway. It was our regiment’s Inspection Week- the period where the entire chain of command ensures that we’re fighting fit, often by ensuring our equipment and weaponry was kept in good order. We’d been working our way up the chain for a while now, leaving none but the Captain of the Guard awaiting.
“I hate this crap,” said a voice beside me, looking over to see Sergeant Coal, my squad leader, ushering me over to our designated position beside a stainglass window depicting the Royal Sisters’ ancient battle against Sombra. “It’s not like we haven’t got better things to do than sit around and look pretty. We could be doing actual training, sparring and tower defense.”
“Sergeant, I think the chainplate on my back is stuck, can you unfasten it please?” I asked him, trying to disturb his negative reverie.
“Yeah, gimme a second,” he muttered, getting behind me and working on the chain. “Alright, you’re good. Let me look you over. Hmm…” His eyes flickered up and down my wiry frame, now turned bulky by the mass of my armor. “Not bad. How’s your sword?”
I unsheathed my weapon and presented it for examination, a pure and polished item with a finely sharpened edge. “You’ve been taking care of it,” Sergeant Coal remarked.
“I’ve- been bored lately, Sergeant,” I replied. “Had a lot of free time.” A lie, but the truth would be stranger.
“Well, find something to do. You’re in a big city, don’t be a barracks rat,” he replied, handing me back my blade. “You’re good, just make sure you respond to the cues, OK?”
“Everyone get into positions, Captain’s almost here!” came the bull-like roar of our Commander. “I just received word that Princess Celestia is with him, so don’t screw this up! Everyone better be on their best behavior!”
I felt something in my chest fall to my feet before somehow leaping up to my throat, filling the void with butterflies. “Wait, the Princess?!” I blurted aloud.
“Shuttup, Rookie, don’t get stage fright now!” Sergeant Coal hissed.
Suddenly the very routine inspection had become momentous and in no way was I going to be ready for it, for suddenly I was to be before the one person in the whole wide world who I absolutely, positively-
“All hail, the Princess of the Sun, Princess Celestia!” The call of Iron Bolt, the Captain of the Guard, cut through my panicked thoughts, instinct taking over as the entire room came to attention in one swift, ironclad motion. Beside him walked a beautiful woman garbed in royal white and gold, with hair that flowed like the winter sky, and a face that shone more brightly than the sun that heeded her call- Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria and sister of Princess Luna… and, most unfortunately for me, my-
“Good soldiers, please let yourselves relax,” Princess Celestia replied, her voice strong and warm as the summer sun. “I know all of you have been working diligently, and for that I thank you.” Every eye turned to her, whether summoned by her voice or the radiating power of her presence I didn’t know. There was a softness present as she spoke, almost as if a smile was just hidden from view. “I thank you, as well as your countrymen. Our home sleeps peacefully at night because of brave souls such as you. For the sacrifices you have made, for the dangers you face, to you this kingdom owes an unpayable debt. The skill and dedication you show today is surely proof of that- thank you for what you have given me, and what you have done for so many countless others. I could not be more proud.”
We were ordered to reform as Iron Bolt and Princess Celestia came to survey the line, occasionally pausing to inspect a soldier or speak to them. Iron Bolt was his typical no-nonsense self, possessing a constant, even tone as he walked. In stark contrast was the Princess, who seemed to be genuinely glad to speak to each and every one of us, always warm and inviting with every word. Impressive as well was her genuine knowledge of our lives- some men she knew by name, inquiring to their families and congratulating others on their successes. It was surprising that she could even find the time.
All the while she was moving down the line, I –for some reason- didn’t realize that she was walking towards me. My mind had begun to drift somewhat when suddenly my gaze was filled with a myriad of colors and I found myself suddenly enraptured by a pair of sparkling eyes.
“I do not believe we’ve met,” she said, for some reason standing in front of me- and then I realized she was talking to me. “Are you one of our newer members?”
A split-second of panic. “Y-yes, Your Majesty,” I somehow managed to reply, my heart beating fast enough that she could surely hear. “I arrived six months ago, I’ve been assigned to the Outer Wall as part of the Solar Guard."
“You fall under Sergeant Coal, correct?” Iron Bolt explained, eyeing me with a gaze that suggested the rumblings of displeasure. “Still Unmarked?”
Unmarked was a reference that I hadn’t yet earned my Sun Flares, an ornament added to the spaulders when a soldier is considered to have mastered his craft. “Yessir,” I answered. “Sergeant Coal’s been making sure I’m ready before I take the mantle.”
“Well, I’m certain you’ll do fine when the time comes around,” Princess Celestia said kindly, a friendly smile now blossoming upon her face. “Please tell me, have you been enjoying your service so far?”
“I’ve been doing alright, Your Majesty,” I said, my voice starting to shake yet again. “It’s hard, but I’ll manage.”
“Of course you will, I have no doubts,” she said. “I hope to see you succeed- and soon.”
I must’ve given a look of shock because her face crinkled with a stronger smile, suggesting laughter hidden within. I watched as she continued down the line, that same ethereal glow surrounding her wherever she went, as if a small part of the sun shone within her-
“You dimwit, fall back to attention!” came the displeased rebuke of Sergeant Coal from behind me- I was shaken from my gazing and realized I had been, quite obviously, been watching the Princess wherever she walked while the rest of the room stood smartly at attention. I felt the hot wave of embarrassment overtake me as I knew I had messed up. I gave a quick glance over to Captain Iron Bolt in the hopes that he hadn’t seen- he was too focused on the Princess to have noticed, at least giving me the relief that I had escaped a far worse fate.
About ten long minutes later, the Princess and Captain Iron Bolt departed and we were ordered to return to our posts, a universal sigh of relief echoing through the hall. Sergeant Coal came forward and stood before me, looking at me with a mixture of exasperation and anger, then bringing a hand to his face and giving a sigh.
“You’re an idiot,” he remarked flatly.
“Yes, Sergeant,” I said.
“Just- just start- yup, there we go, just keep going until the Earth starts moving,” he said, watching as I went to the ground and began doing push-ups. “Yeah, just keeeeeep going. Trust me, we’re gonna be here a while.”
The evening came eventually, leaving me and many others to retire to the barracks where we lived, several of us beginning a game of spades as we prepared to wind down for the night. I had been assigned to roaming guard that night in the castle, a rare occurrence for someone who was still considered a raw recruit by some. To some of my saltier fellows, the fact that I was allowed to speak was an abhorrent insult to life.
“I thought today would never end, man,” Rock Jaw said, a soldier who had been part of the regiment for a good five years. “I know why they do this crap, but DAMN I wish they didn’t have to. Everyone gets so friggin’ uptight about it all.”
“I hate the stupid politics bullshit,” added Still Waters, Rock Jaw’s current opponent and a soldier known for his negative attitude. “Shit gets so old.”
“I appreciate the sentiments of it and all –you know, patriotism, ra-ra-ra and all that, but it just gets awkward after a while, you know? What do you think, Rookie?” Rock Jaw said, turning to me.
I had been pretty involved in trying to guess the outcome of the game, watching as Rock Jaw had unintentionally been putting himself into a corner with poor card choices. It took me a moment to realize I was getting invited into the conversation. “Huh? Oh, I… I don’t know, I guess. It was my first one and all, so… I don’t know.”
Still Waters gave a derisive snort and shook his head. “See? Typical Rookie answer, as if we had anything better to expect. Man alive…”
“Come on, we all started somewhere,” Rock Jaw replied. “Every Rookie starts out like that.”
The two went back to their game, I watching as a question began to form in my mind. I tried my best to ignore it until I could hold it in no longer. “Is it normal for Princess Celestia to come to these things?” I asked, catching several pairs of eyes, some of them displeased, as my words entered into the world. I felt myself start to shrink but I held my ground. “I mean, it just… it just seemed like people didn’t really expect it.”
“Nah, not really,” Rock Jaw replied, laying down a strong pair of cards at his feet. “First time in a while I’ve seen her. She tries to make an effort to know her guards pretty well but –ruler of a country and all that, not a lot of time on her hands for random get-togethers.”
Still Waters gave an unpleasant sniff. “She can stay out our way for all I care,” he said snidely. “Not like she had anything useful to say. Sweet hell, did you hear that dumbass speech she gave? It was like she was trying to hit every cliché possible.”
The atmosphere in the room changed instantly as every eye went on him, the room suddenly becoming deathly quiet. “Oh come on, I know some of you agree- dumb bitch kept harping on,” he continued.
“Shut up,” I snapped, my words cutting through the silence like a knife, a buzzing sensation suddenly erupting somewhere in my brain.
Still Waters looked like he had just been personally attacked. “Shut the hell up, Rookie, no one’s talking to you!” He said angrily. “You know I’m right, she kept doing the whole ‘thank you for your service, it means so much to me’ spiel and we know it’s a pile of horseshit, she don’t really give a damn about us-”
“Jeez, dude, shut the hell up,” Rock Jaw replied, waving his friend away. “What the hell did she do, kill your family or something?”
“Piss off, man, I live here in this shithole while she’s living the highlife just laughing at us-”
“I said SHUT UP, Waters,” I nearly roared, now on my feet and hearing a pulsing sound in my brain. “Or else-”
“Or else what?” he challenged. “Dumbass Rookie, the hell you think you’re gonna do? What, suddenly you love her because she learned your name or some dumb shit-”
My punch landed across his face and sent him reeling and the brawl sent the playing cards flying as the two of us began to fight while the rest of the room tried to separate us. Eventually Rock Jaw had me from behind and was dragging me away while a pair of soldiers did the same to Still Waters, the two of us shouting at one another as I was dragged outside.
“Stupid… Rookie,” Rock Jaw grunted as I fought his grip. “Relax, calm down for a second, dude… I said calm down!”
I was thrown from his grip and I stumbled, my breath coming in ragged gasps that tore at my throat. I felt bruises already starting to form, Still Waters' greater strength having easily gotten the better of me- though he would be sporting one peach of a black eye in the morning thanks to me.
“You have got to ignore that moron, alright?” Rock Jaw barked at me. “You were lucky other guys were here, he could easily thrash you right now- you’re not on his level yet-”
“He shouldn’t have said any of it!” I roared all too loudly, my voice echoing across the courtyard.
“Look, I agree, alright? She’s a good leader, treats us well- Still Waters is just a prick, stuff like that is all he does,” Rock Jaw said, trying to get me to calm down. “You were right to call him out, but throwing punches isn’t going to solve anything, OK? Now come over here, calm down, and let me make sure you’re not too banged up. You and I still have guard in, like, an hour or so, OK?”
He brought me over to the washbin and me starting splashing the blood off my face, I having taken several good hits from a superior opponent- Still Waters was easily twice my size. “Well, you don’t look like total hell,” he said unpleasantly, “you’ll live. But remember, what just happened in there? It’s over. I’ll make sure Sergeant Coal gets a word about him, you just ignore the guy, alright?”
I wanted to disregard him but I knew it would be to no good, so I simply accepted defeat and gave a nod.
“Good. Now come on, we’ll need to start getting ready,” Rock Jaw said. “What about what he was saying made you so damn mad anyway?”
I didn’t say anything, simply walking away to get my equipment prepared, trying to ignore the fact that underneath the growing bruises and sweat stains was a fierce blush, born by memories of a soft, beautiful face and eyes that shone like sunlight- Sweet, beautiful, wonderful, magnificent Princess Celestia.
The dreary hours of the night had crept upon us long ago as the two of us roamed the darkened hallways of the castle, the occasional flickering light of fires in the grate the only comfort in the dark hours. Rock Jaw had been doing his best to keep us awake and active throughout the shift, but his face was starting to sag as the night continued on. Both of us were tired and eagerly anticipated the soft beds that awaited us.
“Have you noticed something?” Rock Jaw said as we roamed. “I haven’t seen any of Princess Luna’s guards since we’ve been out here. You ever wonder why?”
“Aren’t they supposed to be border patrol? You know, the guys who keep the wildlands safe and such?”
Rock Jaw nodded. “Keep the population of more dangerous predators in check, clear travel routes across the kingdom, that sort of thing. You haven’t met any of them, right? They’re a rough bunch, most of them are pretty gnarly-looking.”
“So they get more action than we do?”
Rock Jaw shrugged. “In a sense. No one’s really gone to war here in ages upon ages, but some of the bigger animals they deal with can be nasty. The few I’ve ever really talked with were rough.”
“What do they say about Princess Luna?”
“Loyal to a fault,” Rock Jaw remarked. “I saw one guy once start talking BS and a whole group of her soldiers started getting on his case, yelling right in his face and all that. They took it pretty personally that they insulted her. Kinda like how you reacted with Still Waters, actually. You gonna tell me why you got so fired up?”
I remained silent yet again, trying to ignore that my face was slowly starting to go red. My body was unconsciously trying to betray me, becoming inflamed by the mere memory of her-
“Come on, what’s your deal? Did either of your parents join the Royal Guard or something? A family of mega-patriots? Weird political fanaticism?”
“Umm… Well, I…” I said meekly, trying to avoid giving an answer as the thought of those brilliant eyes made their way through my brain.
“I’m just curious, not meaning anything by it. What is it? You’re clamming up more than a kid who’s got a schoolyard crush-”
I don’t know what tipped him off. Maybe it was that my face went flush, or that my eyes went wide as can be. Maybe my breath became caught or he simply got lucky. Either way, Rock Jaw gave me an intense stare as the wheels in his brain started to turn, finally bringing him to an excruciatingly embarrassing conclusion.
“No. Friggin’. Way.”
“Please don’t say it,” I said quickly.
He had a wicked smile on his face and pressed on. “You- you seriously- do you have a crush on Princess Celestia?”
My response couldn’t have been more obvious, my face now brighter than an overripe tomato. I couldn’t say a word as he started laughing, the boisterous sound echoing through the halls so loudly it was surprising that someone didn’t come running. Rock Jaw covered his mouth to keep himself quiet, his body still shaking with silent mirth. He was so highly amused that I couldn’t hold back a rather sheepish smile myself.
“No- no way, that is- what the hell,” Rock Jaw wheezed, “Did it not occur to you to pick someone a little more –I don’t know- attainable? A woman with less of an age gap?”
“Shut up,” I said lowly. “Look, I know, it’s- it’s weird, I get it.”
“Weird doesn’t even begin to describe it,” he replied. “You are so cringey, did you sign up just to get near her? That is just bizzare.”
“I know,” I said, feeling more humiliated than ever. “Screw you, I wasn’t asking for your opinion.”
“Oh come on, don’t get all sensitive. You had to expect you’d get some flak for it eventually.”
His words did little to cheer me up, and I now wished to do nothing but disappear into the floor and never be seen again. Partly because it was as embarrassing as could be, but more because everything he said was absolutely right. It was strange, weird, and as bizarre a thing that could be found anywhere, but I couldn’t help it: I was hopelessly in love with Princess Celestia, a woman who was so out of my league that the fact she knew my name should be satisfaction enough.
“Look, I wasn’t meaning to ruffle your feathers, cool it,” Rock Jaw said sympathetically, or as much as he could manage through stifled laughter. “I mean… she is pretty hot.”
“Gorgeous,” I said without thinking, and immediately regretting it as my friend began to laugh once more.
“Wow, you’re not actually messing around. You are seriously infatuated with this woman, aren’t you?”
“I mean… yeah.”
Rock Jaw looked somewhat taken aback, his laughter becoming a bit more subdued. “Damn, alright. What makes you so hot and heavy for her, then?”
“I dunno, I just… just am, I guess,” I said lamely. “It’s stupid.”
“Oh no, you’re not getting out that easy. Like, do you think she’s hot?”
“She’s perfect. More beautiful than any single person on the planet,” I said. “So unbelievably beautiful that I can’t compare her to anyone.”
“What do you think you’d do if you were alone with her?” Rock Jaw inquired, an amused grin carved into his features.
“I- I don’t know. I’d probably lose my mind. She fries my mind every time I see her, like I can barely get control of myself!”
“Damn, you really do have the hots for her. Have you ever tried to see her naked?”
“... What?”
“Just asking. This is all news to me, I’m just guessing you signed up to be some kind of creeper. I mean, you did, right?”
The question was so awkward that I couldn’t summon an answer. “Uh- well, um, no-”
The sound of footsteps nearby brought our conversation to a merciful halt, the both of us instantly honing in on our unknown onlooker. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a ghostly white figure moving across the nearby corridor and I motioned to Rock Jaw that we should follow. We did our best to follow, Rock Jaw moving further on ahead and peering down the hallway. He gave a quiet, distinct chuckle. “It’s your dreamgirl,” he whispered.
“What?”
“Take a look.”
I leaned out from my position and saw, to my immense dismay, the elegant, ever-lovely figure of Princess Celestia herself walking down the hallway, silent and discreet as the sunrise. Instantly I felt a wave of red-hot shame crash upon me like a wave. “She heard us,” I said lowly, sinking back against the wall. “She walked right past us, she had to have heard us.”
“So what? Not like you had a shot anyway. She’ll just think you’re another idiot like the rest of us morons,” Rock Jaw said nonchalantly. “Come on, let’s get moving. Sun’ll be up soon.”
The two of us returned to our route, I now unwilling to speak even a word. Less than a day after meeting her for the very first time, I had already managed to humiliate myself in front of the one woman I cared about. She’ll think you’re a total creep, I thought unhappily. I hope you’re ready to look for another job.
The rest of the shift came and went, and soon we were relieved and sent to bed, I throwing off my things and immediately settling in to rest, shame still boiling in my stomach.
The week passed by in a haze of misery, with me completing my duties in as much silence as I could manage- I obviously didn’t have the self-control to prevent myself from acting the fool. No word ever reached my ears that what Rock Jaw and I had said had been reported, so thankfully I would be able to keep my position safe. However, more than once I felt like I was being watched, that I was under surveillance from someone I couldn’t see- but every time I turned around to look, I saw nothing. I couldn’t understand it.
One morning I was awoken by the smack of a pillow against my back, rousing me from a pleasant dream involving someone particular-
“Wake up, daydreamer, we got a meeting,” said Rock Jaw, coming over and giving my bed a shake. “Come on, rise and shine. Or are you still moping?”
“I’m up,” I groaned, taking a stretch and savoring my dream for a moment longer. It was a bittersweet thing to wake from.
Twenty minutes later, still feeling somewhat burdened by sleep, I and the others of the Outer Wall were surrounding our Commander, a miniscule yet mightily built man by the name of Thorn Rose.
“Alright, listen up, got big news for y’all,” he said, looking around at us all. “So here’s the rundown: Two guys in Princess Celestia’s personal guard stepped down this week. That means two openings for everyone else to get the job. And guess where those two soldiers are coming from?”
“The military police?” someone offered.
“Amazingly, no,” Commander Rose replied. “Both of them are coming right from us- The Outer Wall. You ready for me to read it off?” There was a hearty roar of assent and Commander Rose unfurled his scroll, clearing his throat before reading aloud. “First one to make it is Sergeant Coal, and-” he scrutinized the paper with a look of disbelief. “Well damn… our Rookie is going to the Royal Guard.”
One could have heard a pin drop in the room it was so quiet and I felt my heart skip a few beats along the way. Most looked at me in shock, some in envy. Sergeant Coal and I were given a few handshakes, congratulating us for our selection. But in my case, I knew better than to think it was coincidence. I had been overheard. And now I was to be right beside the most beautiful woman in the world, and who believed I was the Royal Stalker. This wasn’t a promotion; this was a setup.
I was so screwed.